Harold Fisher: Legend of Konoha
by Talespinner69
Summary: After using time travel to fix something, Konoha ninja Harold Fisher returns to his time to see that, no, the butterfly effect is NOT the name of a children's book he read to his grandniece one time. But something that pops up turns out to be a nice bennie, so Harold's not going to complain. Now all he needs is a beer. (mildly epilogue based/mild amount of crack humor)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Chapter one: The saga begins (AKA to set right what once went wrong)

After a long history of bloodshed, pain, turmoil, sacrifice and bloodshed, peace had finally come to the shinobi world. This was in no small part thanks to the village of Konohagakure and its current leader, the seventh lord Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto. Yes, all is well, and everyone is happy.

…Well, not EVERYONE.

"Hey, man," said the somber-sounding voice of a man. This man had straight, shoulder length pink hair, and a handsome face some likened to that of Asuma Sarutobi, except that this man had much lighter skin, virtually no facial hair to speak of and, oddly enough, eyes like that of renowned Konoha medic expert Sakura Uchiha. The man was also in his early sixties, but was in surprisingly great physical shape for a senior citizen.

The man was wearing a pale tan long-sleeved shirt with the ends of the sleeves so stretched and worn out that they hung loose instead of hugging the wrist snuggly. Over that the man wore a baggy t-shirt that had the logo of a popular alcoholic drink in the center. Completing the man's outfit was a pair of jeans, a pair of shinobi's sandals, and a Konoha shinobi's headband; the fact that a man of this age was still on active duty was a testament to his skills staying sharp for as long as they have been.

The man was standing before a grave marker in Konoha's cemetery. The name on the grave marker was 'Inoichi Yamanaka'; other information on the grave marker could not be read without moving flowers left on the grave marker. "I see that your wife has already come by," the man said to Inoichi's grave, "I hope she won't mind if I leave this here." Bending down, the man set a 40 oz. can that was labeled 'Pape Konoha's brand lager' next to the grave marker. Standing back up, the man said, "We never got to have that post-war drink, Inoichi. I was going to treat, remember?"

"Uncle Harold?" an adult woman's voice called out, getting the man, revealed to be named Harold, to turn around. Harold saw four people approach him; the first was his adult niece Sakura who, like other's with his family's bloodline in them, had pink hair. Standing next to Sakura on her right was her daughter, Sadara. Harold loved his grandniece dearly, but her somewhat smug attitude could make him feel frustrated.

Next to Sakura on her left was Ino, the adult daughter of the late Inoichi, and next to Ino opposite of Sakura was Ino's son Inojin. Harold had no doubt that, were he still alive, Inoichi would delight in going behind Ino's back to sneak proper snacks and other such goodies to Inojin; Ino would flip if the strict diet she set her son on was ever undermined. But Inoichi would have done it, and he would love his grandson, even if Inoichi would have wished Ino's husband Sai dead beyond any ability to do anything at all. Harold remembered very well the depths of hatred Inoichi had for the man that would eventually be his (Inoichi's) son-in-law.

"Mr. Fisher, what are you doing here?" Ino asked, looking curious. Clearing his throat before he spoke, Harold explained himself.

"As you'll recall, your father and I were best friends since before you or Sakura were born. That manly bond of friendship lasted up until the day that Inoichi was unjustly and unsmartly taken from this world."

"Unsmartly?" Sadara repeated, sounding confused.

"Hey Uncle Harold, I've always been meaning to ask," Sakura began, "You were stationed at the Intelligence Division HQ during the fourth shinobi war, weren't you?"

"Inoichi himself requested my being there," Harold replied with a happy smirk, "He said that I was to act as his security detail, given my kickass skills and his high position requiring that he be protected. But we both knew that he wanted me there because we're bros."

Sighing in a somewhat exasperated manner, Sakura continued with her line of questioning. "Yes, yes, but that's not what I'm really trying to get at. How did you survive the Intelligence Division HQ's destruction? It was hit by a gigantic tailed beast ball."

"Yeah, Sakura's got a point," Ino quipped, "Mr. Fisher, how DID you survive?"

"Well girls," Harold began as he thought of times long past, "That's a tale that I've had very little opportunity to talk about…"

(APPROXIMATLY TWENTY YEARS AGO)

(INTELLIGENCE DIVISION HQ, FOURTH SHINOBI WAR)

Shinobi of all five great nations were running around the Intelligence Division HQ in a panic, as a gigantic tailed beast ball was flying right at them. The only shinobi who was NOT panicking was Harold Fisher, a shinobi of Konoha. He was in the men's restroom, washing his hands. "Hoo boy," Harold said aloud as shook his hands dry, "Maybe I should have listened to Shikaku and not have gotten a second serving of that Iwagakure-style chili. That stuff gives you a bad case of the squirts! And the farts don't help either."

Still standing at the sink he was using, Harold looked up through the window above the sink, then looked back down to the sink to turn it off. A look of confusion suddenly appeared on Harold's face, and he immediately looked up through the window again. He saw the tailed beast ball flying right at the Intelligence Division HQ. "Oh snap," Harold swore under his breath. Acting quickly, Harold opened the cabinet under the sink he was using, threw out two packages of toilet paper to make room for himself, and crawled into the cabinet under the sink, closing the door behind him. Covering the back of his neck with his hands, Harold braced himself for the inevitable explosion, which occurred about half a minute later.

The entire area shook, the sounds of destruction were deafening, and Harold felt like a small toy in a plastic capsule from a toy machine just being thrown around. Harold didn't even try to get out until many hours have passed, when people checking the rubble that had once been the Intelligence Division HQ were searching for survivors. "So you weren't even ensnared by the Infinite Tsukuyomi?" a Sunagakure kunoichi in her early twenties asked Harold after he was excavated from the remains of the men's restroom.

"The frig is an Infinite Tsukuyomi?" Harold replied, looking slightly annoyed and a little angry, but mostly just confused.

(END OF FLASHBACK)

"…And that's the tale of my survival," Harold said to his audience of four, "Little did that idiot Shikaku know that my second serving of that Iwagakure-style chili ended up saving my life." Sakura, Ino and Sadara all looked at Harold with looks of confusion and disgust. Inojin was the only one who maintain a neutral expression.

"I wish my grandfather had gotten a second serving of chili alongside you, Mr. Fisher," Inojin finally said, "Then perhaps he'd still be alive."

"Words like that would have made your grandfather say that you were the only good thing your father ever made," Harold replied with a kind smile, ruffling Inojin's hair.

"Dad would have eventually approved of Sai!" Ino strongly insisted, speaking almost instantly after Harold said the word 'made'.

Looking the Yamanaka woman in the face, Harold merely replied, "Obviously you didn't know your father as well as I did."

"Uncle Harold, you're being rude," Sadara stated.

Looking at his grandniece, the elderly Fisher man said, "Salad, dear, Uncle Harold knows what he's doing."

"My name's Sadara," the young Uchiha girl corrected in a monotone.

"Your name is Salad!" Harold insisted, pointing dramatically at his young niece.

"Uncle Harold, your grandniece's name is Sadara," Sakura said firmly, "Seriously. Why do you keep calling her Salad?"

"I think it's because her name sounds sort of like Salad," Ino guessed, "Which also explains why he calls Hinata's son Burrito. Although it escapes me why he refers to Choji's daughter as Beef Wellington."

"Well she looks like a Beef Wellington to me," Harold defended.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Harold was sitting alone at his favorite bar in Konoha. Harold picked up the highball glass he was drinking from by the top, and slowly made the scotch inside swirl around. Sighing in a sad tone, Harold muttered, "Drinking at the bar hasn't been as fun ever since-"

"Ever since Inoichi died?" a somewhat coarse woman's voice said from behind Harold, making the older Fisher man turn on his bar stool.

Harold ended up coming face to face with Tsume Inuzuka, one of his few friends that was still alive. Accompanying Tsume, as always, was her ninja dog, Kuromaru. Time had been surprisingly kind to the Inuzuka kunoichi, who looked the same as she did back when her children were still in their teens; the only sign of age were a few wrinkles here and there. Time was even kinder to Kuromaru, who by all reasoning should have died a long time ago, given that he's a dog. But Inuzuka clan ninja dogs are special like that.

"I'm guessing that you visited Inoichi's grave today?" the Inuzuka clan ninja dog asked (yes, some of their dogs gain the ability to talk).

"I always try to visit at least once a year," Harold explained, "Inoichi was my best friend."

"I gotta admire that kind of loyalty," Tsume remarked casually as she took the stool next to Harold. After quickly ordering a highball glass of scotch herself, Tsume turned to Harold. "A shame your niece and grandniece aren't as kind," the Inuzuka matriarch remarked.

"I know, right?" Harold agreed right after downing the rest of his scotch. Slamming his now empty highball glass down on the counter in front of him, Harold began to rant, "I mean, they are my family, and I love them both dearly. But their attitude towards me can be a bit grating at times. Where do they get that snark of theirs from?!"

"Well your grandniece Salad obviously gets her snark from her mother," Tsume remarked, "As for your niece Sakura, I'm willing to bet that she gets it from that Assburgers she has."

"Of course!" Harold agreed, "I always knew that Sakura getting that vaccine back when she was four was a bad move! It gave her Assburgers!"

"First off," Kuromaru began, speaking in a tone that clearly sounded offended, "It's pronounced 'Asperger's'. Second off, Asperger's doesn't automatically make whoever has it snarky. Third off, and this is the big one here, IT'S NOT CAUSED BY VACCINES!"

"It most totally IS caused by vaccines, my furry friend," Harold stated firmly, "And I can prove it. Let's go visit old lady Fifth! She's the medic expert who made Sakura a medic expert! She'll totally confirm that Assburgers is caused by vaccines!"

* * *

"Asperger's is not caused by vaccines," said Lady Tsunade, the now retired fifth lady Hokage. Even though she was older than Harold and Tsume, Tsunade still looked much younger. This is due to the sannin using her jitsu to keep up appearances; Tsunade is one of the vainer Hokage in Konoha's history.

"Then why did info about my niece getting a vaccine when she was four lead to her getting diagnosed with butt patties?" Harold asked.

"Butt patties?!" Kuromaru muttered under his breath, sounding both offended and confused.

"Ever since that quote unquote 'medical journal' that made the false connection between vaccines and Asperger's in children was published, parents have been entirely convinced that everything is out to mess up their kids," Tsunade explained, her tone sounding like that this was not the first time she had to explain this to someone.

"Lady Tsunade, I have a question I'd like to ask," Kuromaru said. After the retired lady Fifth gave him the okay to proceed, the Inuzuka ninja dog asked, "Is it possible that Harold's niece was merely misdiagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome? I mean, Sakura WAS diagnosed back when the whole 'vaccines cause Asperger's' craze just started."

"I have actually considered that as a possibility," Tsunade replied as she walked over to a table with a few small objects on it. The small objects were all dark gray, almost black in color, and about the size and shape of eggs that you buy at a supermarket. Additionally, each egg-shaped object had a small button on the smaller end. Turning to face her visitors, the sannin continued, "I've been meaning to reexamine Sakura, to see if she really does have Asperger's. But with her work at Konoha General, and my work-"

"-Drinking sake and gambling all day?" Kuromaru finished, giving the retired Lady Fifth a knowing look of disapproval.

Looking the ninja dog in the eye, Tsunade replied, "…Yeah. I just haven't been able to make the time."

"Yo, Lady Fifth, I've been meaning to ask," Harold said as he looked at the small egg-shaped objects on the table Tsunade stood next to. Pointing at the objects, the older Fisher man asked, "The hell are those?"

"Oh, these?" Tsunade replied as she picked one of the objects up, "These are a new piece of equipment the boys in development have been working on. Watch this." With all eyes on her, Tsunade pressed the button on the top end of the egg-shaped object she was holding. Very quickly, the object turned into a giant, oval-shaped shield, large enough and long enough to completely shield a man the height and size of an adult Akimichi clan member. Pressing the button, now located on the inside of the shield, once again, Tsunade returned the shield to its small, egg-shaped form.

"Holy frigg'en balls, that was awesome!" Harold exclaimed as Tsunade set the egg-shaped object back where it was on the table.

"Yeah, once the boys in development finish up the finer points, these Pod Shields will be standard issue to all Konoha shinobi chunnin rank and up," Tsunade explained.

"They seem pretty fine to me," Tsume remarked, her face showing the same amount of amazement as Harold's.

Nodding in agreement with the older Inuzuka woman, Tsunade said, "Even as they are now, they can easily tank hits ranging from, oh, giant wooden spikes being thrown at high speeds to massive explosions."

Walking over to the table where the Pod Shields all laid dormant, Harold said as he picked one up, "These would have saved loads of asses back during the fourth shinobi war."

"Oh defiantly," the retired lady Fifth agreed. After Harold set the Pod Shield he picked up back down, Tsunade said, "Well guys, it's been great having you here, but it's getting about time for my stories to start playing on the TV, so I'm going to have to ask that-" Tsunade was cut off when a high-pitched whistling sounded from her kitchen. "Ah crud, that's the water for my tea," Tsunade swore under her breath, running into the kitchen to deal with her kettle.

With the elder sannin distracted, Tsume snatched three of the Pod Shields and quietly slipped them into her flask jacket, then rearranged the rest to make it look like none of them were taken. "You never know," Tsume explained to Harold and Kuromaru, the latter of the two looking very disappointed in his owner. With that, the three of them took their leave from Tsunade's place.

* * *

Later, as Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru walked down the streets of Konoha, Harold suddenly exclaimed, "That's it! I know how to cure my niece's Donkey buns!"

"Not only did you get the name wrong again, but you did so in a way that angers me more than usual," Kuromaru remarked, "I am both pissed by your insensitivity and slightly impressed by your creativity. Kudos."

"Isn't what your niece has something that can't be cured?" Tsume asked, looking slightly confused.

"We'll cure Sakura's thing by making it never happen in the first place," Harold explained causally. A look of realization crossed the older Inuzuka woman's face, making her smile mischievously.

"The Well of Time?" Tsume asked, a mischievous smile on her face.

"The Well of Time," Harold confirmed with a nod in the affirmative.

"Goddamn it you two, how many times have I told you to never use that blasted thing again?!" Kuromaru snapped, "Remember what happened LAST time?"

"Inoichi, Harold and I stopped the pirates from burning down Konoha Academy before Kiba, Ino and Sakura graduated," Tsume pointed out.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you three dumbasses nearly got the village conquered by pirates!" Kuromaru snapped.

"Kuromaru, dude, relax," Harold said, "Tsume and I will be careful this time."

"Oh? And how will you two manage that?" the Inuzuka ninja dog asked in a sarcastic tone.

"You guys know my younger sister Mebuki, right?" Harold asked.

"You mean Sakura's mother? Yeah," Tsume replied.

"Mebuki has been keeping a journal of her day to day life ever since she was a teenager," Harold began, "She has volumes and volumes of filled-out journals that date back to before Sakura was born. We just find the journal entry that says what date Sakura got her vaccine, then use that information to go back in time via the Well of Time, beat the hell out of the doctor who administered the vaccine to my niece, and bada bing bada boom, Sakura's mulepatties will be cured."

"Okay, now you're just being stupid with getting the name wrong!" Kuromaru snapped.

"So when do we begin?" Tsume asked.

"Well first we have to visit my sister's place," Harold explained, "In order to get the info we need. As soon as we have a date, we're going back through time, set right what once went wrong, then come back to the present."

"Won't doing something like this mess up the timeline?" Kuromaru asked.

"It's just us keeping my niece from getting that vaccine by beating up a doctor," Harold replied with a casual shrug, "What's the worst that can happen?"

"Zombies ravaging an idealized suburban neighborhood?" Kuromaru suggested.

"Okay, now that was just retarded," Tsume quipped.

"Who are you to…" Kuromaru began, but stopped short and gave what he was saying a bit of thought. "…You're right, that DOES sound pretty retarded," Kuromaru agreed, "I'm sorry."

"Then it's agreed," the older Fisher man declared with a fist-pump, "First we head to my sister's place, and then we go BACK IN TIME!"

* * *

In a wooded area a few miles out from the front entry gate of Konohagakure, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru came across a stone well. It was an old well, its base lightly coated in moss; the well seemed to give off an aura that would give you the feeling that you wouldn't be able to find it unless someone who knew where it was led you to it.

Harold pulled out a personal journal that had an old leather cover; it was bookmarked at a page somewhere in the middle. Flipping the journal to the appropriate page, Harold carefully scanned the hand written words. "…Aha! Here we go," Harold exclaimed, "Okay you two, ready?"

"Hell yeah!" Tsume replied assuredly.

"Hell no," Kuromaru declared flatly.

"Too bad, we're going in anyway," Harold replied as he crumpled up a hand written note he made and tossed it into the well. "Alright everyone, into the Well of Time!" Harold proclaimed, jumping into the well, followed by Tsume and (a very reluctant) Kuromaru. Together, the three flew through a vortex, through time itself…

* * *

(APPROXIMATLY THIRTY YEARS AGO)

Kuromaru was the first to fly out of the well; as gracefully as a cat, the Inuzuka ninja dog landed on all four paws. Tsume was the next to fly out of the well, landing perfectly in a ninja pose. Harold was the last to fly out of the well; he smacked face first onto the ground. "Ha!" Kuromaru laughed as the older Fisher man got up and brushed himself off.

"Yeah, I could never get the landing just right," Harold remarked.

Looking to his two companions, Harold said, "Okay, so here's the plan. We arrived a few hours before Sakura should have gotten her vaccine, so all we need to do is head to the hospital ahead of time, wait for the doctor, gang up on him, and repeatedly punch him in the stomach until he passes out. Sound cool?"

"I was actually planning on waiting out here by the Well of Time," Kuromaru suggested, "You know, to guard it." What Kuromaru said was diferent than what he was actually thinking; he just wanted to avoid crazy time-travel related shenanigans.

"Good plan," Harold replied. Looking to Tsume, Harold said, "Then it's you and me."

"I have a few…errands to run while we're here in the past," Tsume explained, "Just a thing or two here and there to smooth out some rough patches in our future."

"How about HELL NO?!" Kuromaru snapped, "The last thing we need is for you to-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Tsume replied, "Geez, no need to chew me out."

"So it's agreed," Harold declared, "Kuromaru will guard the Well of Time, I'll keep my niece from getting her Asperger's-inducing vaccine, and Tsume will take care of her errands."

"Oh what, NOW you're getting the name right?!" Kuromaru criticized, "Also, Tsume is not doing her little 'errands'!"

Leaving Kuromaru to guard the Well of Time, the two older shinobi made their way to Konoha, with Tsume whispering to Harold, "Now you see why I didn't want to bring Kuromaru along for the ride."

* * *

Having broken away from Tsume, Harold snuck over to the old Konoha General; this was well before Pain blew up Konoha with his village-nuking jitsu. "If my mental layout of the old Konoha General is still intact," Harold muttered to himself, "I should hide around the-"

"Woah, dude!" a young voice called out, one that was familiar to Harold. The older Fisher man turned around, and came face to face with his past self, the Harold Fisher of this time.

"Dude, you look like an older me!" past Harold remarked as he approached his older counterpart.

"That would be because I am you," future Harold explained, "I come from the future."

"To set right what once went wrong?" past Harold asked.

"I'm here to keep Sakura from receiving a vaccine that causes her to develop Assburgers," future Harold said, "So yeah. I'm here to fix things."

"Did you use the Well of Time?" past Harold asked.

"Yeah, I came back with the Tsume and Kuromaru of my time," future Harold answered. "…Why did you guys bring Tsume's dog? You know what a party pooper he is," past Harold asked, "Both figuratively AND literally."

"Well it's Yoshino's fault for not letting Kuromaru out into her family's backyard in time," future Harold replied.

Pointing to his future self, past Harold said, "You got me there, dude."

"Hay man, you wanna help me keep Sakura from getting butt patties?" future Harold asked.

"Hells yeah!" past Harold exclaimed, pumping both fists into the air.

"Alright, let's get going," future Harold replied as he led his past self to Konoha General.

* * *

Over at the Hyuga clan estate, Hiashi Hyuga was reading the morning paper in the living room when he heard a knock on his front door. "Now who is that?" the Hyuga clan lord said to himself as he got up to answer the door. He was mildly surprised to see Tsume Inuzuka standing there, and slightly more surprised to see her so old. "Tsume Inuzuka? Why are you here?" Hiashi asked, "And why do you look so old?"

"I'm working on a transformation jitsu that disguises the user as a much older version of themselves," explained the older Inuzuka woman. Normally, such an excuse wouldn't have flown.

But given the circumstances, Hiashi replied, "Well it most certainly works like a charm. It's kind of the opposite of that one jitsu I hear the legendary sannin Tsunade uses." Before the Hyuga clan lord could re-ask his original question, Tsume took out one of the Pod Shields she snatched earlier from Tsunade's place in the future.

Handing the Pod Shield to Hiashi, Tsume said, "When everyone gets ready to ship out for the fourth shinobi war, make sure you give this to your son Neji."

"Neji is my nephew," Hiashi explained. Looking down at the Pod Shield, Hiashi began to say, "Well what is this suppose to wait a minute, say what about a fourth shinobi-"

Hiashi stopped short, however, when he looked up from his hand and saw that Tsume was already gone. "…I hope neither of my children, or my nephew for that matter, ever has to work with an Inuzuka," Hiashi muttered to himself as he closed the front door so he could resume reading his newspaper.

* * *

Over at Konoha General, a young doctor was walking through one of the halls. He looked like your average, run-of-the-mill, fresh-out-of-medical school kind of doctors, except his light brown hair was slightly longer than what was normal at the time. "Well, I hope young miss…" the doctor said, stopping short to check his clipboard, "…Haruno doesn't mind needles."

As the doctor continued to stroll, he was grabbed from behind by future Harold and dragged into an empty hospital room. After future Harold had the doctor, past Harold closed the door behind them, chuckling darkly to himself as he did so.

* * *

Over at the Nara clan compound, Shikaku Nara was stretched out on the living room sofa. Right before he dozed off, he heard a knock on the front door. "Goddamn it," the Nara man muttered to himself as he got up and walked over to the door. Opening it, he was surprised to see Tsume Inuzuka, looking much older than what he was used to. "Why the hell do you look much older than you should, Inuzuka?" Shikaku asked in a mildly snappy tone. He was not in the mood to deal with any of the crap that either of Inoichi's two idiot friends can come up with.

"I'm working on a transformation jitsu that disguises the user as a much older version of themselves," Tsume replied, giving Shikaku the same spiel she gave Hiashi earlier.

After looking at Tsume suspiciously for a few seconds, the Nara man said, "I'm guessing that this was inspired by the jitsu Tsunade supposedly has to make herself look younger?"

"Hiashi said the same thing himself earlier," Tsume remarked. Before other words were spoken, Tsume handed another one of the Pod Shields she pilfered earlier to Shikaku.

"Eventually, we're all gonna ship out for the fourth shinobi war," Tsume explained, "Hold onto this until then, and make sure you have it with you. It will save your life."

"Have you been drinking with Inoichi and Harold again?" Shikaku asked in an annoyed tone. Looking down at the Pod Shield in his hand, Shikaku said, "The hell is this suppose to-"

Shikaku stopped midsentence when, looking up to see Tsume, he saw that she was gone. "…Goddamn woman," Shikaku muttered to himself, closing the door behind him as he went back inside.

* * *

Back at Konoha General, Mebuki Haruno was waiting in a check-up room with her young daughter Sakura. "Sakura want ice cream when check-up is done!" the young Haruno girl said.

"If you promise not to cry when the doctor gives you your shot, then I'll look into it," Mebuki replied, using the usual bargain parents give to kids in such a situation.

"Yay!" Sakura cheered excitedly. As the young Haruno girl swung her legs back and forth, Mebuki checked the watch on her right wrist.

" _What is taking that doctor so long_?" Mebuki thought, " _He should have been here by now_." Little did the Haruno woman know that, a few doors down in the next hallway over, her older brother and his future self were taking turns punching the doctor in the gut repeatedly.

Looking to his future self, past Harold said, "I haven't had this much fun since before the bar party last week."

"I know, right?" future Harold agreed, right before dealing the next punch.

* * *

Over at the Yamanaka clan residence, Inoichi Yamanaka was seated at a children's play table in a children's play chair. Seated opposite of Inoichi was his young daughter Ino; the little Yamanaka girl had convinced her father to play tea party with her (but given that Ino's father is Inoichi, it wasn't all that hard of a task). They weren't alone either; on Inoichi's left was a stuffed teddy bear, and on Inoichi's right was a doll.

"More tea, daddy?" Ino asked, offering her father some more imaginary tea.

"Why yes, thank you," Inoichi replied, holding his little tea cup out for Ino to fill. Right as the little Yamanaka girl was done, there was a knock at the door. "Sorry sweetie, but daddy has to get the door," Inoichi said as he got up, "Make sure Mr. Honeypot gets some more tea though, alright? I don't think he's gotten a refill in a while."

"My goodness, you're right!" Ino exclaimed worriedly, immediately offering her teddy bear some more imaginary tea. Out in the living room, Inoichi answered the front door, and was surprised to see an elderly-looking Tsume.

"Tsume, dude, you looked wrecked!" Inoichi exclaimed, "What the hell did you drink to mess you up so badly?! Also, where can I get some?"

"I'm actually working on a transformation jitsu that disguises the user as a much older version of themselves," Tsume explained, "Hiashi and Shikaku both thought it was a good idea."

"Sound pretty wicked, now that you mentioned it," Inoichi remarked as he considered the idea, "You get the idea for this from Tsunade's make-me-look-younger jitsu?"

"Totally," Tsume answered. Before continuing, Tsume handed Inoichi the last Pod Shield she took. "Keep this with you, for you will need it when the fourth shinobi war rolls around," the older Inuzuka woman instructed.

Marveling at the Pod Shield in his hand, Inoichi said, "Wow, this is totally hold on a minute. Say what about a fourth shinobi war?" Looking up from his hand, Inoichi saw that Tsume had already vanished. "Damn, that woman sure knows how to ninja herself out of places," the Yamanaka man muttered to himself in an impressed-sounding tone as he walked back inside his home and slipped his Pod Shield into his flask jacket, which hung on a hook on the wall in the living room.

* * *

Mebuki Haruno was STILL waiting for that darn doctor to show up, darn it! Mebuki wanted to get her daughter vaccinated as soon as possible, and that buffoon was taking ages to get here. Getting up from where she sat, Mebuki said, "Sakura, sweetie, wait here. Mommy has to go look for that doctor."

"Maybe mister doctor needed to go potty," the young Haruno girl guessed.

"If that's the case," Mebuki began as she opened the door, "Then it is HE who will need to see a-"

"Mebuki, dude!" a voice familiar to Mebuki exclaimed, cutting the Haruno woman off. Turning her head, Mebuki came face to face with her older brother Harold (this being past Harold).

"Harold! What are you doing here?" Mebuki asked, sounding surprised.

"I needed to see a doctor for something," Harold explained to his younger sister.

"Uncle Harold!" Sakura exclaimed excitedly, getting off of the doctor's bench she was seated on and running over to hug her uncle affectionately.

"Aww, it's great to see you too, Cherry Bug," Harold replied, affectionately ruffling his niece's hair as he used a cute nickname that he came up with for Sakura.

"So what did you need to see a doctor for?" Mebuki asked her older brother.

"Oh, he needed to check out my right hand," Harold casually explained (past Harold was using his right fist to punch the doctor).

"Who was the doctor?" Mebuki asked, "Maybe he knows where to find Dr. Brown, who was supposed to give Sakura a vaccine shot today."

"Oh, dude, that was the doctor who checked out my right hand," Harold said suddenly, "After he was finished, he left saying he had to take care of a family emergency, and won't be back for a while."

Huffing in an annoyed manner, Mebuki said, "Well great. I guess that means I have more time for my other errands today."

"You mind if I tag along?" Harold asked, "Sophia's busy with her social club, and both Inoichi and Tsume are occupied today. I'll even treat us to ice cream!" To his young niece, Harold said, "You like ice cream don't you, Cherry Bug?"

"Yay ice cream!" Sakura exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down as a young girl would when ice cream is on the table.

Resigning herself to defeat, Mebuki sighed and said, "Very well. Kizashi's busy at work, so I could use the extra help getting groceries home." Harold led his younger sister and young niece out of Konoha General, with the two Haruno females unaware that Harold's future self was still beating up Dr. Brown in the same hospital room, using a very fast punch-punch-punch-knee combo.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, Harold met up with Tsume and Kuromaru by the Well of Time. "I'm guessing that the two of you succeeded in keeping Harold's niece from getting vaccinated?" Kuromaru asked.

"Totally," Harold confirmed, giving the Inuzuka ninja dog a thumbs-up.

Looking to his owner, Kuromaru asked, "And you didn't do your little 'errands', did you?"

"*sigh* No, MOM," Tsume answered in an exasperated tone.

"Well then gentlemen, let us bid the past adieu," Harold said to his companions. One by one, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru jumped into the Well of Time.

...

It was early evening in the present when Harold and company flew out of the Well of Time, landing in the exact same way that they respectively did when they arrived in the past. "Man, I have GOT to work on my landings," Harold remarked as he pulled a blade of grass out of his nose.

"Well at least you don't land in a stupid manner like Kuromaru," Tsume remarked. Turning to her ninja dog, Tsume said, "Seriously, Kuromaru. Where did you learn to land like a frigg'en cat?!"

"I picked it up from the last time the two of us visited your ex-husband," Kuromaru explained, "I watched Banyo's two cats play around while you and Banyo yelled at each other."

"Oh, my frigg'en God," Tsume exclaimed, "Kuromaru, you're a DOG! You aren't supposed to deal with THEIR kind! Especially those frigg'en hell spawns that Banyo owns."

* * *

Walking on the main road back to Konoha, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru were talking amongst themselves. "I just hope that the present hasn't been changed TOO much by the two of you keeping Harold's niece from getting that vaccine," Kuromaru said.

"Don't worry," Harold assured the Inuzuka ninja dog, "Past me said that he'd keep meeting me a secret."

"Wait, you encountered your past self?!" Kuromaru exclaimed, "The hell is wrong with you?!"

"Past me said that he'd keep meeting me a secret!" Harold repeated in a whiny tone similar to that of a child.

"And where the hell was Tsume in all of this?" Kuromaru asked, "I never heard you mention that past you had seen her." Before the older Fisher man or the older Inuzuka woman could explain, the trio heard voices coming from behind them.

"…And so then I said to Hiashi 'Dude, that is SO not twenty percent cooler'," one of the voices said. It belonged to a man, one who Harold was all too familiar with. Squinting at the approaching men, Harold saw Choza Akimichi in the middle. But what really surprised Harold were the two men accompanying Choza: Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka. It was Inoichi that was talking.

"Then I was all like 'Hiashi, dude, you have GOT to realize that Hinata wants to raise her daughter HER way. Your parenting advice is only going to go into Hinata's left ear and come flying out of her right'," Inoichi said as he continued his story to the other two members of the older Ino-Shika-Cho trio.

"I will admit that he was far harsher on his first born daughter than what was needed," Choza agreed, "I bet the poor girl hardly ate as she grew up."

"You say that same thing about EVERYONE'S kid, Choza," Shikaku remarked.

"…Well it's true," the older Akimichi man defended. Harold and his companions watched the older Ino-Shika-Cho trio approach with varying expressions; the two most easily readable were those of Harold and Kuromaru. Kuromaru's expression was one of pure anger, whereas Harold's was one of shock and surprise, but in a good way.

Harold and his group all ran up to meet with the older Ino-Shika-Cho trio. "Inoichi, dude!" Harold exclaimed joyfully, practically on the verge of tears. The older Fisher man got his left arm around his now-alive-again best friend while using his right fist to affectionately noogie the Yamanaka patriarch.

"Ah hell, it's Inoichi's idiot brigade," Shikaku muttered as he face-palmed, "That's the last thing I need."

"Inoichi, dude, I thought you were dead!" Harold said as he let Inoichi out of the headlock. Looking to the older Nara man, Harold continued, "I thought you were dead too, Shikaku."

"Yeah," Kuromaru added to the conversation. Turning to face his owner, the Inuzuka ninja dog said, "I thought you guys were dead, too."

"Oh shut up," Tsume replied, looking away with an annoyed expression on her face.

"The hell made you think we were dead?" Shikaku snapped, sounding more confused than annoyed.

"Well first off," Harold began, "Tsume, Kuromaru and I used the Well of Time to-"

"Let me stop you right there," Shikaku interrupted. With all eyes on him, Shikaku said, "If this is going to involve that made up crap that you, Inoichi and Tsume came up with, then I'm not wanting to hear it. You all were obviously drunk when you came up with it."

"Ah don't mind him, dudes," Inoichi said to Harold and Tsume, "Let's just get back to Konoha. We wouldn't want to keep our respective families waiting."

"No, we don't wanna do that," Harold agreed, walking along side Inoichi as the five seniors and one ninja dog made their way back to the village.

* * *

After Shikaku and Choza took their leave, Inoichi continued on with Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru, who all took the opportunity to fill the Yamanaka patriarch on the goings-on of the timeline they remember. "…Yeah, a lot of the things you guys mentioned are different and or non-existent in THIS timeline," Inoichi remarked

"Like how you and Shikaku are ALIVE?!" Kuromaru exclaimed.

"I didn't know going back in time to keep my niece from getting that vaccine would inevitably lead to my best friend somehow surviving the fourth shinobi war," Harold remarked.

"I don't think that what YOU did had as far reaching an effect on the timeline as you're giving it credit for, Harold," Kuromaru said. Looking to his owner, Kuromaru said, "Not that far reaching at all."

"No, no," Harold firmly declared, "I am certain that all of the changes are the sole doing of me keeping my niece from getting that vaccine."

"Goddamn butterfly effect," Inoichi agreed. Looking up ahead, Inoichi said, "Oh, Harold, dude. Speaking of your niece, she's over there."

Looking to where Inoichi was pointing, Harold saw his adult niece Sakura. She looked the same as she did in the old timeline, except that she wore a more casual outfit consisting of a t-shirt and pants (while still maintaining a similar color scheme) and that her hair was slightly longer. Also, for reasons that escaped Harold, Sakura was accompanied by a boy about the same height and age as Sadara. This boy resembled a twelve-year-old Sasuke, except he had a kinder looking face, as if he had never suffered the early childhood trauma that Sasuke had suffered.

"Sakura!" the older Fisher man said, getting his adult niece's attention.

"Oh, Uncle Harold," Sakura replied as she and the mysterious boy turned to face the approaching Harold and his friends.

"Hey Sakura, quick question," Harold began, his tone showing he was curious, "Do you have Donkey buns?"

"Wait, what?" Sakura exclaimed, obviously sounding confused.

"…He means Asperger's," Kuromaru translated, looking more disappointed than angry (he was still plenty angry, though).

"No, I don't," Sakura explained, "I mean, I understand if you thought that was the case, as there was this crazy belief that was going around back when I was a kid saying that vaccines cause Asperger's to develop in children. But I never got any sort of vaccine back then."

"Sweet," Harold said while doing a fist pump. Suddenly looking at the mysterious young boy that was with Sakura, Harold pointed at him and said, "By the way Sakura, who's this kid?"

"This is Haru," Sakura explained, sounding mildly worried, "…You know, my son and your grandnephew."

"Well that's all well and did you just say grandnephew?!" Harold exclaimed.

"Oh snap," Tsume muttered in a worried tone, "Goddamn butterfly effect!"

"Sakura, what happened to Salad?!" Harold demanded in a worried tone.

"…What about a salad?" Sakura replied, sounding totally confused and mildly scared.

"Mom, dad and I had tacos for dinner if that helps," the young Uchiha boy offered.

Turning to face Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru, Harold said in a worried tone, "Yo, I think we may have frigged things up here." Tsume, with a worried look on her face, pointed to something behind Harold.

"I believe you may be right, dude," the older Inuzuka woman agreed. Turning around to see what the older Inuzuka woman was pointing at, Harold was shocked to see a massive change from what he remembered.

The Hokage monument, which was supposed to have seven giant stone heads representing each of the Hokage that Konoha has had, only had six heads; instead of Tsunade's head followed by Kakashi's head followed by Naruto's head, it went from Tsunade's head straight to Naruto's head, signifying Naruto as the sixth and current Hokage. Also, the hair on the Naruto head was much longer than what Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru remembered. "Where's Kakashi's head?" Harold asked, pointing dramatically at the Hokage monument.

Looking to where her uncle was pointing, Sakura said, "Kakashi-sensei was never the Hokage."

"Also, why isn't there nearly as much building development on the plateau above the Hokage monument?" Tsume asked.

"Yeah, there's supposed to be loads of buildings and other development up there!" Harold agreed.

"…Well Naruto said that if it wasn't for the ongoing fifth shinobi war eating up a lot of Konoha's time, effort and money, at least seven other building projects would have long since been finished," Sakura explained.

"Well I suppose that's a very reasonable did you just say fifth shinobi war?" Kuromaru said, changing his line of thought midsentence.

"Oh yeah, Konohagakure and Sunagakure are fighting against Kumogakure," Haru explained. Doing the 'nice guy' pose made popular by two certain bowl cut sporting shinobi, Haru added in a confidant tone, "Lord Sixth Hokage and Lord Fifth Kazekage have teamed up to take down Kumo!"

Turning to face his friends, Harold said in a mildly concerned tone, "Hoo boy, I am NOT going to envy whoever has to clean this mess up."

END, CHAPTER ONE

Author's note: Well...that just set the mood, now didn't it?

Anyway, what do you all think about using time travel to create alternate realities/timelines?

To be honest, this chapter is my first attempt at writing something with the intent of putting it up somewhere for others to read. I look forward to comments and constructive criticism.

I'm working on chapter two right now, BTW.

EDIT: Chapter two is up, obviously.

EDIT 6-9-16: Fixed some grammar errors.

EDIT 7-15-16: Changed some wording in this chapter to make it more 'T for teen.'


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself

Harold of Konoha

Chapter two: Broken windows leads to broken bones (AKA Disproportionate Retribution can often be hilarious)

It had been a few days since Harold Fisher, his friend Tsume Inuzuka, and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru all used the Well of Time to travel approximately thirty years into the past in order to keep Harold's niece Sakura from receiving a vaccine. When the trio got back to their time, they saw that their messing around in the past had a very strong impact on their present. The most notable change so far was that their friend Inoichi Yamanaka, and Inoichi's fellow Ino-Shika-Cho trio member Shikaku Nara, had both survived the fourth shinobi war in this timeline.

Harold is firmly convinced that Inoichi and Shikaku both being alive, as well as every last other change, was solely caused by him keeping his niece from getting that vaccine. Kuromaru, on the other hand (err, paw), is certain that Harold is giving himself more credit than what's warranted. All Tsume is doing is repeatedly telling Kuromaru to be quiet. The next most prominent change that Harold's encountered so far is that, in this timeline, his adult niece Sakura Uchiha (nee Haruno) has a son named Haru instead of a daughter named…Salad? Yes, Salad was definitely her name.

On this day, Harold and Inoichi were both at a Konoha diner that was owned and operated by the Akimichi clan. They were getting their morning coffee when they were joined by, of all people, Neji Hyuga. Harold was, until just that moment, unaware that Hiashi's…son? Nephew? Harold was always forgetting how Neji was related to the Hyuga clan lord. Either way, Neji being alive in this timeline caught Harold by surprised. Neji looked the same as he did back when he was in his mid to late teens; the only change is that Neji had a slightly more mature air about him, if that made any sense.

"…Luckily, the device that Lord Hiashi gave me before Konoha's shinobi shipped out for the fourth shinobi war saved not just my life, but the lives of Lady Hinata and Naruto as well," Neji said as he was finishing up a story he was telling to the two senior men, "Given that they were behind me when those giant wooden spikes were being thrown."

"Top kek!" Harold remarked, giving the young Hyuga man a double thumbs-up.

"By the way Neji, how is your uncle doing?" Inoichi asked casually, picking up his mug of coffee so he could take another sip.

" _Uncle_! _Hiashi is Neji_ ' _s_ _uncle_!" Harold thought firmly, " _I_ _have_ _got to remember that_!"

"Lord Hiashi is doing fine," Neji replied, having just set his own mug of coffee down, "He's worried about what to get Lady Natsu for her birthday, is all."

"Ain't Natsu the name of that nanny who raised Hiashi's first born daughter Hinata?" Harold asked.

"You're thinking of Lady Hanabi, who is Lord Hiashi's second born daughter," the Hyuga man correct, "And yes, Natsu is the name of the nanny to took care of Lady Hanabi." Picking up his mug of coffee, Neji took another sip before setting it back down to continue. "Natsu is also the name of Lady Hinata's daughter."

"First born?" Harold asked.

"First born slash only child," Neji confirmed.

"Well that's good," Harold replied in a tone mildly hinted with relief, "I remember how Hiashi made your two cousins fight for the right to lead the Hyuga."

"I remember that just as well," Inoichi added, "With all due respect to Hiashi, he was one hell of a hard-ass on Hinata. A man is not supposed to treat his daughter so harshly! Why, if Hinata were MY daughter-"

"She'd be as vain and self-righteous as Ino?" Neji finished, giving Inoichi a knowing look.

"…I am still in the right," Inoichi finished weakly.

"So why did Hanabi name her daughter Natsu?" Harold asked.

"You mean Hinata," Neji corrected, "And to answer your question, it's because Sakura and Sasuke named their son Haru. Lady Hinata thought it'd be cute to name her and Naruto's kid Natsu, because Natsu was born after Haru."

"Ah, I see what they did there," Harold said, nodding slightly in approval. Reaching into his left back pocket, Neji pulled out a wallet, fished out some money, and placed it on the table in the diner booth that he, Harold and Inoichi were using.

"This should cover my coffee," Neji said to the two older men, "Now then, if you gentlemen would be so kind as to excuse me, I have to go assist Lord Hiashi with some errands of his." After Neji took his leave, Harold turned to face his best friend.

"So Hiashi's first born daughter still has a daughter of her own," Harold said.

"That's correct," Inoichi replied.

"And Neji said that the girl's an only child?" Harold asked, looking a mix of concerned and confused, heavy on the second one.

"Why? Was that different in the timeline you, Tsume and Kuromaru remember?" the older Yamanaka man asked.

* * *

It was early the following morning. A noise coming from his and his wife's garage work Inoichi up and he checked the digital alarm clock on his nightstand; three thirty-two AM. Getting out of bed, Inoichi walked over to the bedroom closet, wearing only a pair of boxers and a solid white men's sleep tank. After Inoichi got a baseball bat out of the closet, he turned around when he heard his wife say groggily, "Inoichi? Dear? What's going on?"

"Some jerk-waffle is in our garage, Michelle," Inoichi explained, "Hence the baseball bat."

"But dear, you're a ninja," Inoichi's wife pointed out as she sat up, "Why do you need a baseball bat?"

"Because baseball bats have plus seven against house intruders," Inoichi replied, as if it was blatantly obvious.

"Inoichi, dear," Michelle continued, "You can very easily use your various mind jitsus to-" Michelle was cut off when the sound of someone smashing a car window sounded from the garage, followed by a car alarm going off.

"Son of a bitch, they got my car!" Inoichi exclaimed, running out of his and Michelle's bedroom and down the stairs so as to get to the garage. A second window-shattering sound and the noise of a different car alarm going off made Inoichi hiss to himself, "Crap, they got Michelle's car, too! Those dirty mother-" But Inoichi stopped when, as he got to the garage, there was no trace of anyone. "Goddamn it!" Inoichi exclaimed, throwing the baseball bat very hard to the floor; as it was a metal baseball bat, it didn't fracture.

After he calmed down and gathered himself a bit, Inoichi picked the baseball bat back up, walked back to his and Michelle's bedroom, and somberly put the baseball bat away. "Michelle, dear, I am so sorry I couldn't keep those jerk-waffles from breaking your car's rear window in time."

"I'm just glad you aren't hurt, honey," Michelle replied kindly, "But aren't you concerned about your own car's window?"

"I am, but I'm more concerned about your car," Inoichi said, "I mean, it's YOUR car."

Smiling kindly, Michelle said, "Inoichi, dear, you're too kind." Inoichi returned his wife's kind smile as he walked to the bed.

"Well anywho, we should get some sleep," Inoichi said to his wife as he crawled back into bed, "In the morning, I've got a few calls to make, first one being a car window-repair specialist."

"And the others?" Michelle asked, mildly curious.

A somewhat mischievous grin slowly spreading across his face, Inoichi replied, "I'm getting the boys together for a job."

* * *

Later that day, Inoichi had gathered Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru at the same Akimichi clan diner from the previous day. "…Wait, they got you too?!" Harold exclaimed as Inoichi finished recounting how the windows of both his and Michelle's cars were broken.

"Wait, what?!" Inoichi exclaimed back.

"Yeah, my car's front window was also broken by those Goddamn jerk-waffles," Harold complained in an annoyed tone, "They might have gotten Sophia's car as well, but my alarm must have scared them off."

"Is it that blasted alarm that blares 'back off, bitch' in an angry rapper's voice?" Kuromaru asked.

"Hells yeah," Harold confirmed, nodding in apparent approval of his own stupidity.

"Luckily for me, they didn't get my car," Tsume stated, sounding rather smug.

"…You don't own a car," Kuromaru pointed out.

"That's beside the point," Tsume replied, brushing aside the obvious.

"Anywho, we've got to find out who's been smashing the back windows of everyone's cars," Inoichi declared, "Or else this can get really ugly, really quick!"

"Oh, your cars' windows were smashed by hoodlums, too?" an adult woman's voice called out.

The three older ninja and the older ninja dog looked over to see an adult woman approach. She was sort of tall, had a beautiful face, a lean yet healthy build, waist-length dark hair, and red marks on her face that sort of resembled the red marks on the faces of Inuzuka clan shinobi; whereas the red marks on Inuzuka faces were dog-related, the red marks on this woman's face were cat-related. Accompanying this woman was a twelve-year-old boy who looked like twelve-year-old Kiba (on the woman's left) and a cat the size of Kuromaru (on the woman's right).

Sighing in a tone that obviously failed to hide annoyance, Tsume said, "Harold, Kuromaru, I believe you two have yet to be familiar with my daughter-in-law Sakaki and her ninja cat Mayamaru."

"What about me, grandma?" the twelve-year-old Kiba look-alike asked.

"Don't worry, Bankai, you're cool," Tsume assured the boy as she picked up her coffee and took a drink.

"You have a daughter-in-law?" Harold asked.

"Have you been drinking again, Mr. Fisher?" the ninja cat Mayamaru asked, sounding like smart, cynical mid-twenties human male.

"Well I've had this coffee but I haven't yet had any holy crap did that cat just talk?" Harold said, changing his line of thought midsentence.

Getting up, Tsume gestured to her apparent relative and said, "My daughter-in-law Sakaki and her ninja cat Mayamaru are both from the Nekozuka clan, the eternal enemies of the Inuzuka. I have no idea how this woman managed to get Kiba to propose to her."

Looking mildly annoyed by the disrespect she was being shown by her mother-in-law, Sakaki continued with her original line of questioning, "Back to my earlier point. Did you all say that your car windows were broken?"

"Yes," Harold confirmed, "They got my car's front window."

"They got the back windows of both my car and my wife Michelle's car," Inoichi stated, sounding somewhat upset over his wife's car being damaged. The fact that Inoichi was putting his wife's car over his own car made Sakaki's eyes widen in surprise; as Harold and Tsume would later find out, Inoichi cares A LOT about his car.

"My car wasn't damaged at all," Tsume bragged, looking as smug as ever.

"You don't have a car," Kuromaru and Mayamaru stated in unison. The two ninja animals both looked at each other, and gave each other knowing looks of approval.

"Well, me and Kiba's car had its front and rear windows smashed by hoodlums," Sakaki continued, "Luckily, the new car window repair and replacement shop took care of it for us."

"There's a new car window repair and replacement place in Konoha?" Inoichi asked, "But what about Honest Al's garage? Michelle and I have been loyal customers there ever since it opened a few months after the Konoha Car Crisis."

"Konoha Car Crisis?" Harold repeated in a confused tone.

"I'll explain later," Inoichi assured his best friend, as well as Tsume and Kuromaru.

"Well when Lord Sixth Naruto was having his car taken care of over at Honest Al's garage, one of the mechanics over there supposedly made a disrespectful crack about the size of Hinata's rear end," Sakaki explained, "From what Kiba told me about the recounting of that event told to him by Hinata, Lord Sixth Naruto punched the mechanic square in the center of his face. Because of that, Honest Al's garage has had to suspend business indefinitely."

"Well why didn't Honest Al simply fire that mechanic?" Inoichi asked.

"Because the mechanic who made the crack about Hinata's ass was Honest Al himself," a somewhat gruff man's voice called out. Joining Sakaki, Mayamaru and the young boy Bankai was Kiba himself. Aside from a mild case of five o'clock shadow, Kiba looked the same as he did back in his mid to late teens. Accompanying Kiba was a rather old looking Akamaru. Despite having been born much later than Kuromaru, Akamaru was much older-looking than his one-eyed, one eared counterpart.

"Sorry for taking so long, babe," Kiba said to Sakaki as he pecked her on the left cheek, "But I had to take Akamaru here outside so he could relieve himself."

"Wait, Honest Al made the crack about Lord Sixth's wife's ass?" Inoichi repeated, looking utterly shocked, "That does not sound like the Honest Al that Michelle and I have known for years."

"Well Honest Al said that Hinata had a really fat ass," Kiba stated, "So Naruto gave him a really fat lip. Naruto also gave Honest Al a black eye…and broke his jaw…and very nearly broke Honest Al's nose right off of his face."

"Did Lord sixth REALLY punch a man in the face, pa?" Bankai asked.

"Yeah, he did," Kiba answered to his son, "I mean, if that dude said that your ma's ass was fat, I'd be in prison right now, and the man would be six feet under."

"That's my boy!" Tsume exclaimed as she raised her mug of coffee in a toast, "A damn shame such chivalry is being wasted on a Nekozuka hussy."

"Ma, will you please quit insulting Sakaki?" Kiba asked, his whining tone suggesting that this was a VERY persistent problem.

"So back to this new car window repair and replacement place," Harold said to Sakaki as he gestured to himself and his friends, "Where would the boys and I find the place?"

"I have a business card from them," Sakaki replied, going into her purse and fishing out a small business card. Aside from its corners being bent slightly (it was being tossed around in the inside of a purse, after all), the business card looked relatively new.

After Harold accepted the business card from Sakaki, he turned to face Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru. "Alright boys, let's go give this place a look-see," Harold said, getting up to lead his friends out of the diner.

After they were gone, Kiba asked, "Hey wait a minute, did they forget to pay for their coffee?"

* * *

The new car window repair and replacement shop, called Huge Hal's garage, was one of those big, flashy, sticks-out-like-a-sore-thumb places that could be seen from a few blocks away. Harold and company had just entered the parking lot of Huge Hal's garage as Inoichi was recounting a story to Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru. "…And that is why Ino agreed to Shikamaru's proposal," Inoichi explained as he wrapped up his story, "Their getting married strengthened Yamanaka-Nara relations."

"So everyone's cars had faulty break wiring systems," Harold said.

Nodding in confirmation, Inoichi added, "The Konoha Car Crisis took more Konoha lives than the Suna-Oto invasion, the Pain's-village-nuking-jitsu incident, the Konoha riot and the fourth shinobi war combined."

"Wait, what?!" Kuromaru exclaimed.

"Yeah, Konoha's been pretty lucky in that regard over the years," Inoichi stated, "Of course, it MAY have led to Konoha's slight overpopulation problem. But it's nothing too bad, at least for the moment."

Looking to his owner, the Inuzuka ninja dog gave Tsume a 'this-is-all-your-doing' look, to which Tsume replied by giving Kuromaru an 'oh-shut-up' look. As Harold and company were continuing to converse amongst themselves, they heard a voice call out, "You folks looking for some help, I take it?" Harold and company all turned their heads to face their visitor.

He was a middle-age man about half a head shorter than Tsume, was quite obviously overweight, had curly orange hair, and wore a yellow plaid tux, black dress pants and dark brown loafers. When he gave Harold's group a smile, one of his front teeth seemed to be made of solid gold. " _Man_ , _that is one hell of a_ _crap_ - _eating_ _grin that man_ ' _s got_ ," Kuromaru thought as he and the humans walked up to the man.

"Ah yes," Harold began, "We're looking for the head nacho here."

"Honcho," Kuromaru corrected, "It's 'head honcho'. …Dumbass."

"Then you've found the right man!" the man said as he pointed to himself with his right thumb, "The name's Huge Hal, of Huge Hal's garage!"

"Are you related to the Akimichi clan, by any chance?" Tsume asked.

"No, no, I'm not related to any ninja clan," Huge Hal replied, "I'm not even a ninja. Just a run-of-the-mill villager."

"You weren't one of the villagers who made Lord Sixth's childhood a living hell, were you?" Inoichi asked, "Because now that he's the-"

"Naruto's not like that, you moron," Kuromaru interrupted.

"I'm actually a relatively new resident of the village," Huge Hal explained, "I came in at around the time Lord Naruto became the Hokage."

"So anywho, back to the main point," Harold said, "My friend Inoichi and I, along with Inoichi's wife Michelle, have had the unfortunate luck of having our car's respective windows smashed by hoodlums. We're in the market looking to get the car windows replaced, and we were looking to do a price check."

"Well you've got no more need to check," Huge Hal declared, "You've found the place with the best rates in Konoha!"

At Inoichi's request, Huge Hal got a pamphlet detailing various services and their respective costs. "What the-" the Yamanaka patriarch exclaimed as he looked at the prices, "Even the cheapest price here is higher than the most expensive service Honest Al offered at his garage!"

"I like to think that the reason why his prices were so cheap was because he had a cheap character," Huge Hal replied, "I mean, he DID provoke Lord Sixth into punching him."

"Well with prices like this," Inoichi declared, "I'd rather Lord Sixth punch ME in the face than pay them! It's highway robbery, I say!"

"Well then," Huge Hal said in a somewhat annoyed tone, "I see that you'll be taking your business elsewhere."

"Hells yeah we're taking our business elsewhere, asshole!" Tsume snapped, "Hey Kuromaru, on our way out, piss on one of the displays."

"I don't need to relieve myself," the Inuzuka ninja dog replied.

* * *

Later that day, Harold and company were trying to locate another place that can do car window repair and replacement. They tried a garage that Tsume spotted, called Handsome Hugh's, but when they got close enough to see that it was closed for an indefinite amount of time, much the same as Honest Al's, the three seniors and one ninja dog were shocked. "What the hell?!" Harold exclaimed as he threw his arms up into the air, "This one's closed too!"

"Well that's because they insulted Chomi's weight," a man's voice said, getting Harold and company to turn around and face the voice's owner, an adult Choji Akimichi. Aside from being taller and slightly heavier, Choji looked the same as he did back in his mid to late teens.

"Ah, Choza's son!" Inoichi said as he clapped the Akimichi man on the right shoulder in a friendly manner, "Now say what about your wife's weight being insulted?"

"That Handsome Hugh fellow had the audacity to call Chomi a hippo!" Choji exclaimed, throwing his arms up into the air to emphasize his point.

"Umm, no offence young man, but your wife IS a little on the heavy side," Inoichi stated, "Remember? Choza even said that one of his requirements of her marrying you was that she had to gain some weight. I guess that Choza was worried that a thin mother would lead to a thin Akimichi heir."

"Yeah, I guess that Chomi has a little more of her to love," Choji relented in a somewhat defeated tone. Promptly picking himself back up, however, Choji continued, "But Chomi is FAR from being a hippo! Hell, Tenten is more of a hippo than Chomi!"

"Wait, what?" Kuromaru said in a confused tone, having been caught off guard.

"So, after that blasted mechanic called my wife a hippo, I made his lip as fat as one!" Choji declared.

"Huh, that reminds me," Harold stated, "Honest Al said that Lord Sixth's wife had a fat ass, so Lord Sixth punched him in the face."

"Well good on Naruto!" Choji praised, "He's one hell of a husband, defending Hinata's honor like that."

"I'm frankly rather surprised that he actually got away with what he did scot free," Tsume remarked.

"Well Naruto's the Hokage, and his wife's ass was insulted," Choji pointed out, "I was actually brought in to the local police station after I assaulted Handsome Hugh, but Naruto and Shikamaru bailed me out."

"Aha! That's my son-in-law for you!" Inoichi laughed joyously.

"Wait, why didn't Kiba chip in for your bail?" Tsume asked, "My son's one of your friends, isn't he?"

"He most certainly is," Choji explained, "But he's understandably a little strapped after having to bail YOU out of jail last time. I'm also willing to bet you don't even remember what you did, given that you were drunk at the time."

Turning to face the closed garage, Harold huffed. "Well this bites," the Fisher patriarch complained, "This is the second place that does car window repair and replacement that's been closed down because the head mechanic was being an asshole."

"Did you try Huge Hal's garage?" Choji asked, "I hear he's got good rates."

"More like highway robbery rates," Inoichi snapped, "Seriously. I could practically buy a new car for those prices!"

"Well from what I hear, Huge Hal's the only place left in Konoha that does car window repair and replacement," Choji stated, "What other options do you guys have?" With that, the Akimichi man took his leave.

After Choji had left, Kuromaru looked to the humans and said, "Hey guys, I just had a thought."

"Really? I don't smell anything," Tsume replied.

"…ANYWAY," Kuromaru continued in a slightly annoyed tone, "Choji just said that Huge Hal is the only garage in Konoha that's still open."

"Yeah, so?" Harold asked.

"Also, at least two other garages were closed indefinitely because the garages' respective head mechanics insulted someone's wife and got brutalized," Kuromaru pointed out.

"That reminds me," Tsume interrupted, "I need to ask Lord Sixth if his punch really DID rip off a man's nose clean off the man's face."

"Don't any of you three find it suspicious?" Kuromaru asked, "All garages in Konoha save for one closed down, and two were closed down for the same reason."

"My daughter always said that out of me, Harold, Tsume and you, that you were by far the smartest," Inoichi remarked to the Inuzuka ninja dog, "At first I thought she was just teasing me. But now I see her claim has some validity to it."

"Shall we do some snooping around?" Harold suggested to his companions as he and the other two humans all had mischievous smiles spread across their faces.

"As long as I'm not the gay one with the ascot, I'm cool," Tsume replied. With that, the three humans did a group high-five while the Inuzuka ninja dog gave a howl.

* * *

That evening, under the cover of night, Harold and company snooped around Huge Hal's garage. The humans all wore black pants, black long-sleeved shirts, and black beanies. "Here," Tsume said as she reached into a bag she brought with her. After fishing out a jar, she opened it and dipped her right finger tips into the black substance inside the jar. As she spread the black substance all over her face, Tsume explained to the boys, "I figured that a jar of blackface cream would come in handy."

"Heh, handy," Harold chuckled. After she was done applying the blackface to herself, Tsume offered the jar to Kuromaru, to which the Inuzuka ninja dog replied by giving his owner a 'really?' look.

After Harold and Inoichi applied blackface to themselves, Harold said to his companions in a hushed tone, "Aright, dudes, let's sneak in and get some intel."

"I hope like hell we don't get caught," Inoichi whispered to the others.

* * *

The three older shinobi snuck in by crawling through the ventilation. As Harold reached a gate, he carefully popped the screws keeping it attached to the vent, then quickly grabbed the falling ventilation gate before it fell and made any noise. "Wow Harold," Kuromaru remarked as he crawled through the ventilation shaft, and assisted to the floor by Tsume, "You're being surprisingly competent with this.

"Well guys who break into places in a manner such as this have to be quiet," Harold replied, "I've seen in the movies how they ninja themselves into and out of places."

"And since the four of us are all actual ninjas, we have experience," Inoichi pointed out.

"Ah, it's refreshing to see someone count Kuromaru," Tsume remarked in a pleased tone, "You won't believe how many folks I've encountered would have said 'since all THREE of us' instead."

"I'm well acquainted with the customs and ways of the Inuzuka clan," Inoichi stated, "Also, Kuromaru is practically one of us anyway."

"Wow, I'm not sure if I should be happy or offended by that comment," Kuromaru remarked.

"Enough talky-talk," Harold declared, "We've got to find us some incriminating evidence against Huge Hal!"

The group first decided to check out Huge Hal's office. More and more, this Huge Hal fellow started to look like a smarmy car dealer than a car window repair and replacement shop owner. His office was decked out in a much more ornate manner than what one would expect for an office located in a garage; a large, imposing, finely detailed oak desk sat roughly in the middle of the room.

Behind it sat a high-end office chair, solid black, that can be swiveled and have its height adjusted. In approximately the center of the desk sat a fancy computer that probably costs more than most vehicles in Konoha. There was a beautiful, round glass dish on the right side of the desk (if you're seated at the deck and are facing the computer screen) filled with an assortment of caramel candies; hard, soft, and chewy caramels were close to overflowing.

"I'm surprised I don't see a huge-ass pile of money on the desk," Harold remarked as he and his friends looked around, "Seriously, though. Does this look like the office of a garage owner?"

"I'd half-expect to see a lady of ill repute permanently stationed in this office," Tsume remarked as she began to search the desk's drawers, "You know, because that's what pimps like this Huge Hal guy apparently- Woah, jackpot!"

"You found incriminating evidence?" Inoichi asked.

"No, but I found a wad of paper ryo," Tsume said, pulling the money out and counted the total value of the wad. "…Hot damn! This here is 108,000 ryo! (1) My clan's gonna eat well for a while!" Tsume exclaimed, putting the money into the bag she brought with her.

"Tsume, I know as well as any other Inuzuka that our clan is desperately strapped for cash," Kuromaru began, "But we're not here to steal money. We're here to gather incriminating evidence that will-"

"You mean like this?" Tsume interrupted, pulling out a file labeled 'top secret: no touchies'. Tsume flipped the file open, and she began to scan the papers inside with the boys.

"Holy... Huge Hal's planning to take over the car industry here in Konoha! Look!" Harold exclaimed, stopping mid-rant to point at one of the papers in the file, "It says here that part one Huge Hal's plan is to have his hired goons go around the village at night and smash the car windows of the villagers, so that they would need a repair job!"

"That son of a bitch!" Inoichi exclaimed, "So all of that was his doing!"

"And look at this," Tsume added as she pointed to another paper, "It says here that part two of the plan is framing the owners of all of his store's competition as rude assholes that insult men's wives!"

"Damnation!" Harold snapped, "Honest Al and Handsome Hugh were both set up!"

As she slipped the file into her bag where the money she already pilfered sat, Tsume said, "Come on, boys! We gotta go inform Lord Sixth! He'll wanna know about this!"

* * *

A few minutes later, Harold and company were standing outside of the front door of the Uzumaki residence; Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru were relieved to see that this was still the same as it was in the other timeline. Tsume knocked on the door repeatedly until an adult female voice from within the household, sounding cranky from having been rudely woken up at so inconvenient an hour, called out, "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

A few seconds later, the door was opened by a disheveled-looking Hinata Uzumaki, rubbing her Byakugan eyes as any would rub their eyes when waking up. Hinata looked mostly the same as she did in her mid to late teens, except the bangs of her hime-style hair needed a slight trim. Hinata wore a light pink sleep tank with light lavender trim and a matching pair of women's sleep pants. Looking at her late night visitors, Hinata said, "Mr. Fisher? Mr. Yamanaka? Mrs. Inuzuka? Kuromaru? Don't you four know what time it is?"

"The time is not important," Inoichi replied in a firm voice, "Young lady, we need to speak with your husband. The boys here and I have uncovered something of grave importance."

"Naruto's not going to like being woken up at this ungodly hour," Hinata warned the seniors as she retreated back into the Uzumaki household. After about a minute or so, the front door opened again, this time by a disheveled-and-very-pissed-looking Naruto Uzumaki. As his stone head on the Hokage monument in this timeline suggested, the Naruto in this time had much longer hair, making him resemble his late father, Lord Fourth Minato.

Also, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru were surprised to see that Naruto still had both of his original arms (in the timeline they remember, Naruto had to use a special prosthetic arm made by Lady Tsunade). As for sleepwear, Naruto wore a baggy pair of men's sleep shorts and an oversized (on Naruto) t-shirt; the t-shirt was solid light gray with several plain-looking bubbles in the center.

"I would like an explanation for this late-night visit," Naruto demanded in a sleepy, cranky tone.

"Lord Sixth," Harold began, "The boys here and I need to inform-"

"Woah, Lord Sixth, is that a 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic' shirt you're wearing?" Inoichi interrupted.

"Huh, oh yeah," Naruto replied as he started waking up more, "I made an off-handed remark about needing a new sleep-shirt a few days back. My daughter must have overheard me, because before anyone could stop her, she ran out and bought me the first oversized men's t-shirt she could find. Thus I have this."

"And you're actually willing to wear that?" Tsume asked in a confused tone.

"Because my daughter bought it for me, yes," Naruto replied.

"Huh," said the Yamanaka patriarch, "And here I thought that you were a Derpy fan."

A slightly confused look suddenly spreading across his face, Naruto remarked, "I thought this was a Rainbow Dash shirt."

"Lord Sixth, dude," Inoichi exclaimed, "That is obviously a Derpy shirt! How can you confuse Derpy for Rainbow Dash?"

"Mr. Yamanaka, with all due respect, Rainbow Dash is the only character from that show that I know by name," Naruto explained in a tired tone, "And that's only because she killed Starscream."

"I think we're getting a little off track here," Harold interrupted, and once he had everyone's attention, the Fisher patriarch said, "The boys and I got suspicious of that Huge Hal guy who runs that big show off-ish car specialty place, so we did some investigating and found out that Huge Hal has been-"

"Mr. Fisher, please don't tell me that you and the others here conducted an unauthorized investigation," Naruto interrupted, suddenly snapping fully awake.

"But we have proof taken from Huge Hal's office that-" Inoichi started, but Naruto interrupted once again.

"So not only did you conduct an unauthorized investigation, you also basically did what amounted to stealing," the Sixth Hokage stated, steadily getting more annoyed with the three seniors.

"But the connection that Kuromaru made turned out-" Tsume began, but Naruto stopped her.

"Mrs. Inuzuka, I can only help Kiba bail you out of jail so many times," Naruto pointed out to the older Inuzuka woman as he cut her off.

"You know what," Harold said finally, "If you aren't going to hear us out, then we'll have to finish the job ourselves! Come on, boys! We got a fat sack of crap to deal with!" Before Naruto could stop them, Harold and company ninja'd themselves out of there.

"Ah hell," Naruto muttered, "Hinata, can you bring me the cell phone? I need to call Sasuke, Shikamaru and Kiba to help me with this mess."

"Sure thing, dear," Hinata replied kindly. After coming back with the cell phone Naruto asked for, Hinata added, "But something is bugging me."

As he dialed up Sasuke's number, silently cursing himself for needing to wake one of his closest friends at so ungodly an hour, the sixth lord Hokage asked his wife, "What would that be?"

* * *

Close to around four-thirty in the morning, Harold and company found their way to Huge Hal's residence. It was a large, stately mansion that was dwarfed only by the Hyuga clan estate in terms of size and splendor. But it DID come in at a close second. "Goddamn," Tsume swore under her breath.

"I know," Kuromaru remarked in a tone that agreed with Tsume's, "All this for one human? That's pretty extreme."

"Well then boys, let's go confront that fat sack of crap," Harold said as he took the lead into the estate.

As the group entered the estate, seeing even more signs of unnecessary decadence, Inoichi whistled and said, "Wow, are we sure Huge Hal is a simple man in the business of car window and repair? Or is he the kind of man who can give-"

"Hey, who's there?!" A wary voice called out suddenly. The voice came from down the hallway to the right of Harold and the others.

"This way!" Harold said as he led the others down the hallway. They eventually came to an open door that had light seeping out from the crack, so Harold and company busted the door aside and all ran inside.

Inside the room, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru found Huge Hal standing approximately the center. He had two moderately attractive women of ill repute with him, one on each side. On one table a few feet away from Huge Hall was a small pile of white powder, four even lines of the same white powder and a small razor. On another table opposite of the first was a huge pile of wads of paper ryo.

"I KNEW it! I knew it all along!" Harold declared in a tone of having been validated. Pointing dramatically at Huge Hal, Harold exclaimed, "You're a pimp! A smarmy, dirty, greedy little pimp!"

"I knew not doing business with you was a smart move," Inoichi stated as he gave Huge Hal a mean look, "I wouldn't want me and Michelle's pension money spent on hookers and drugs!" Tsume was about to add something, but was cut off when Huge Hal pulled out a hand-sized automatic crossbow. (2)

"So you figured me out," Huge Hal confessed in an annoyed tone as he aimed the crossbow at Harold and the others, "A damn shame the lot of you won't live to rat me out!" Aiming particularly at Kuromaru, Huge Hal added, "I think I'll start with the damn do-"

*CRASH*

The smashing of the various windows of the room everyone was in cut Huge Hal off, as loads of Konoha shinobi suddenly started to swarm through said broken windows.

"Go go go go go!" one of the shinobi shouted, rallying the others to swarm around Huge Hal and his women of ill repute. Stepping forward from the crowd to confront Huge Hal was Sasuke and Shikamaru. Aside from currently wearing the standard outfit of Konoha shinobi of the jonin rank, both Sasuke and Shikamaru looked the same as they both did back in their teens. It had been Sasuke who had shouted 'go' repeatedly. Like Naruto in this timeline, Sasuke also still had both of his original arms (in the other timeline, Sasuke had been offered a special prosthetic arm like Naruto had, but he declined).

"Drop the crossbow, Huge Hal," Shikamaru snarled, "By the authority of the village of Konohagakure and its sixth lord Hokage, you are under arrest." Given that he and his women of ill repute were surrounded, Huge Hal did nothing, save for letting his crossbow fall out of his hand and clatter to the floor harmlessly. As the other Konoha shinobi proceeded to apprehend Huge Hal, Shikamaru and Sasuke approached Harold and his friends.

"I hope you guys have solid evidence against Huge Hal," Shikamaru began as he addressed the seniors, "Otherwise you three will be in some serious legal trouble." Opening her bag, Tsume pulled out the file she and the others pilfered earlier and handed it to Shikamaru. The young Nara man flipped the file open and began to scan the contents. "…Holy crap," Shikamaru swore, "Hey Sasuke, check this out."

Looking over the file that was handed to him, Sasuke snapped, "Goddamn! It's a good thing that Kuromaru made that connection when he did!"

"Wait, what?" the Inuzuka ninja dog exclaimed.

"When you guys were at Naruto's place earlier, you tried telling him about all of this, right?" Sasuke asked. After the three seniors and one ninja dog nodded in the affirmative, the Uchiha patriarch continued, "Naruto was fully prepared to dismiss all of that as the same brand of stupidity that you all tend to come up with."

"Until Hinata pointed out to Naruto that you guys specifically said that Kuromaru made the connection," Shikamaru added, "With that thought in mind, Naruto mobilized all of these Konoha shinobi, plus Sasuke and myself, to track down Huge Hal and have him arrested on suspicion of conspiracy."

"So what, you guys don't trust Inoichi, Harold or myself, but won't give a second thought on sending a bunch of the boys in blue because my dog said that it might be a good idea?" Tsume asked.

"…Pretty much, yeah," Sasuke replied casually with an indifferent shrug.

Turning to face his friends, Harold said in a somewhat depressed tone, "Well boys, look on the bright side. We stopped a smarmy guy and saved one of Konoha's business industries from corruption."

"Well then," the Uchiha man said as he oversaw Huge Hal's arrest, "Let's get this asshole down to the station."

"Before you do that, Sasuke," Inoichi interrupted, "The boys and I would first like to do something." Opening his bag, Inoichi pulled out a ninja scroll and unrolled it on the floor. The intricate markings were a tell that there was something sealed inside of the scroll.

Slapping his right hand onto the scroll, causing a cloud of white smoke to 'bamph' out, Inoichi summoned what was sealed inside. "The hell are you-" Shikamaru said, only to be cut off when he saw what Inoichi had summoned from within the scroll; a metal baseball bat, a four-iron golf club, and a lead pipe about the same length as the golf club. The pipe had dried specks of what seemed like blood on the one end.

Handing the golf club to Tsume and the lead pipe to Harold, Inoichi said as he himself picked up the baseball bat, "The boys and I would like to talk something over with Huge Hal."

* * *

Much later that morning, Harold was sitting at the dining room table of his home, wearing a baggy light gray t-shirt and a pair of light green men's sleep pants. He was seated opposite of his wife Sophia. She was around the same age as Harold, had shoulder length, very light brown hair, and beautiful face only barely marred by wrinkles. Sophia was also around the same height and general slim build as Sakura; the only difference was that Sophia didn't have as much muscle as Sakura (the Uchiha woman wasn't all that muscular, despite the feats of strength she's very easily capable of). As for her sleepwear, Sophia was wearing a long-sleeved women's sleep shirt, pale light pink with a rich purple trim, plus matching women's sleep pants.

"…So that new car window place was behind all of the vandalism over the last few nights," Sophia remarked in a shocked tone, her voice showing her soft and gentle personality.

After setting his coffee mug down, Harold said to his wife of many years, "Don't worry, dear. The boys and I stopped Huge Hal before his plans got any further."

"So you mentioned," Sophia replied in a knowing tone. As Harold stabbed a bit of breakfast sausage with his fork, there was a knock at the front door, cutting him off from raising the fork to his mouth.

Harold sat his fork down and got up from the table. "I'll get that," Harold declared, walking out of the dining room and out to the living room, where he answered the front door. To his surprise, he was greeted by Shikamaru.

"Hey Mr. Fisher, I just need to ask you a few questions related to the Huge Hal incident," the young Nara man said.

"The boys and I don't have to pay for any of Huge Hal's medical expenses, do we?" Harold asked.

"No, no, that's all taken care of, Shikamaru explained, "This questioning is just standard procedure."

"Well alright then," the Fisher patriarch replied, giving Shikamaru the okay to proceed.

"Sasuke, Neji, Rock Lee and I were sent to investigate Huge Hal's office at his garage," Shikamaru began, "You know, to gather any possible evidence."

"Yeah, and?" Harold asked.

"We noticed signs that a number of items aside from the file that you, my father-in-law, Mrs. Inuzuka and Kuromaru lifted from the office were also taken," Shikamaru explained. Giving Harold a look, Shikamaru said in a suspicious tone, "Care to explain?"

END, CHAPTER TWO

Author's notes:

(1)This should be in the range of $10,000.00.

(2)As guns don't exist in the world of Naruto, I had to get creative with some of the weapons.

As any who reads this chapter may notice, I'm going to take the liberty of giving names to characters who, in the manga/anime, didn't have any. Also, I'll be making references to other animes/shows/whathaveyou throughout this story. Ones that I like, obviously.

I wasn't expecting to get the second chapter uploaded THIS quickly, but I had a lot more time on my hands than I anticipated, especially given that it's finals week at my college. Also, 5-10-16 is a very exciting day news-wise.

I want a Litten. I want a Litten, and I want one now.

EDIT: Also, when will the name for the Sun legend be announced?!

EDIT 6-9-16: Fixed various grammar mistakes/errors.

EDIT 7-15-16: Fixed some MORE mistakes.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter three: Gladiatorial grandparents- Inoichi versus Yoshino (AKA I want grandkids…who aren't terrified of me)

Over in the village of Konohagakure late one evening, Shikamaru was sitting at the dining room table of his house. Seated opposite of Shikamaru was Ino; Ino looked more or less the same as she did in her mid to late teens, save for the fact that she wore a more casual outfit similar to that of Sakura's current casual outfit (Ino's outfit has a similar color scheme to the outfit she had in her youth).

"…And that's when Naruto told me that Sunagakure, Iwagakure, and Kirigakure all sent as many of their respective shinobi as they could spare," Shikamaru said as he recounted earlier events to his wife.

"Yeah, I can see why three of the five great villages would go to such lengths," Ino remarked in a mildly concerned tone, "Iwa and Kiri especially. I mean, they both took really heavy losses in the fourth shinobi war, and have been financially struggling ever since. I'm not surprised at all that Iwa and Kiri are both refraining from taking any part in the fifth shinobi war. The bounty that's been posted would be a GREAT boon to either Iwa or Kiri, whichever one gets it first."

"And given how much of a bounty was posted on _that man_ ," Shikamaru continued, "Konoha is mobilizing multiple squads of its finest shinobi to take part of this manhunt. It goes without saying that this is an S-rank mission."

"Is THAT why Naruto's leading one of the squads himself?" Ino asked.

"You know as well as I do that Naruto gets the itch to go out on missions from time to time," Shikamaru replied in a knowing tone, "And given that's his team will consist of Sasuke, Neji and Rock Lee, it will be the strongest team Konoha is sending out."

"So that's why Naruto's asked you to serve as interim Hokage until he gets back," Ino said. Leaning back in her chair, Ino huffed, "Great. That's just great."

Shikamaru gave his wife a concerned look as he asked, "What's up?"

"I have an increased schedule at Konoha General this week," Ino explained, "And you will be busy keeping Naruto's seat warm for him."

"What are you…" Shikamaru began, but stopped short as something dawned on him.

"Oh crap, we need someone to watch Shikaru and Inohime!" Shikamaru exclaimed, slapping his hands to the sides of his head.

"We'll just ask your parents if they'll do it," Ino replied. Turning to the entry way of the dining room, Ino called out, "Kids! Can you come out here?" After a few seconds passed, a twelve-year-old boy who looked like twelve-year-old Shikamaru, leading a four-year-old girl who looked like four-year-old Ino, walked into the dining room.

Due to the time, both kids were dressed for bed; the boy wore a loose-fitting light-green t-shirt and a pair of sleep pants of a similar color while the girl wore a light-blue long-sleeved sleep shirt and matching sleep pants. There was a full-body image of Queen Elsa on the shirt, and the rest of the outfit was covered with images of snowflakes; just what you'd expect a four-year-old girl's sleep outfit to look like. Also, the four-year-old girl was carrying a plushy of Pinkie Pie from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic'.

"Shikaru, Inohime, we need to tell you that your mother and I are going to be busy over the next few days or so," Shikamaru began.

"Yeah, and?" the twelve-year-old replied.

"Well Shikaru," Ino said, "Your father and I would feel more comfortable if you and your little sister stayed with your Grandpa Shikaku and Grandma Yoshino over that period." After a few seconds passed, Inohime tugged on her older brother's pants leg, gestured for him to follow her away from the table a bit, and had a huddled conversation with him. From what Shikamaru and Ino could hear, Shikaru and Inohime were agreeing on something.

After a few more seconds passed, Shikaru and Inohime returned to their parents. "Is it possible that Grandpa Inoichi and Grandma Michelle can watch us instead?" Shikaru suggested.

"Huh?" Shikamaru replied in a confused tone, "You mean your mother's parents?"

"The thing is," Shikaru began to explain, "Me and Inohime's first time over at Grandpa Shikaku and Grandma Yoshino's place wasn't all that pleasant…"

(FLASHBACK)

Ino had just dropped off her and Shikamaru's kids at Shikamaru's parents' place. After Yoshino closed the door behind her and her grandchildren, Shikaku came out from the kitchen. "So it looks like we're stuck playing babysitter for a few hours, huh?" Shikaku complained to his wife.

"You shut the hell up, Shikaku," Yoshino snapped instantly, "Our grandchildren are precious gifts that are two of the few things our lazy son got right!"

"And what the hell is THAT supposed to be?!" the older Nara man snapped, pointing accusingly at the Pinkie Pie plushy that Inohime was holding; seeing her grandfather was pointing at her plushy, Inohime hugged it tightly out of fear. Shikaku then tried to confiscate the plushy, scaring Inohime in the process, but Yoshino grabbed her husband's wrist and yanked him away.

"The hell is wrong with you, you dumbass?!" Yoshino exclaimed angrily, practically exploding at her husband.

"I don't want any of that girly crap in my household, woman!" Shikaku snapped back, "Next thing you know, the kid will want to watch that Frostbite movie!"

"It's called 'Frozen', you old coot," Yoshino corrected in a snarl, "And that is a perfectly acceptable thing for our granddaughter to want to do! Same goes for her little stuffed animal!"

"Why the hell are you supporting all of that girly crap she wants to do?!" Shikaku shouted.

"BECAUSE SHE'S FOUR!" Yoshino yelled, "SHE'S AT THE AGE WHERE SHE WANTS TO DO THAT!" For pretty much the rest of the time Shikaru and Inohime were at the older Naras' residence, Shikaku and Yoshino were going back and forth like that; the two of them even completely forgot that their grandchildren were even there, they were so caught up in their shouting match.

(END FLASHBACK)

"…The next two times Grandpa Shikaku and Grandma Yoshino watched us were more or less the exact same experience," Shikaru added, finishing his story.

"Did your Grandpa Shikaku REALLY try to take Inohime's plushy away?" Ino asked, sounding totally aghast.

Nodding in confirmation, Shikaru continued, "Then a short while after the third time Grandpa Shikaku and Grandma Yoshino watched Inohime and me, you and dad had to leave us with Grandpa Inoichi and Grandma Michelle. Mom, you remember how Grandpa Inoichi greeted us, right?"

Leaning back in her chair, Ino sighed and said, "Yeah, I remember how my father was obviously trying to put on airs…"

(FLASHBACK)

Ino was leading Shikaru and Inohime to her parents' place. "Mom, you do realize that I can look after myself," Shikaru pointed out.

"But I can't leave your little sister alone," Ino replied, "And your father and I would feel much better knowing that the two of you both had adult some supervision."

"I'm surprised you aren't taking us to Grandpa Shikaku's and Grandma Yoshino's," Shikaru said. Apparently Shikaru mentioning their dad's parents made Inohime hug her Pinkie Pie plushy tightly, as if she was doing it by instinct.

Sighing, Ino explained, "Well your Grandpa Shikaku sprained his ankle really bad, and he's in no condition to watch two young kids. And with your Grandma Yoshino busy trying to take care of your Grandpa Shikaku…" Ino stopped short, seemed to try thinking of some way to put what she was about to say lightly, then continued, "…You and Inohime will be staying with your Grandpa Inoichi and Grandma Michelle."

"I'm assuming you hesitated because you're worried about leaving us with Grandpa Inoichi," the young Nara boy said, and continued when his mother gave him a look, "Mom, I know all about the shenanigans that Grandpa Inoichi gets into with Haru's granduncle, Bankai's grandma and Bankai's grandma's dog."

"…Yeah," Ino relented, "I'd honestly feel more comfortable leaving you with your friend's grandma's dog than with your Grandpa Inoichi."

"Oh come on mom," Shikaru said, "I'm sure Grandpa Inoichi can't be TOO eccentric." After Ino knocked on her parents' front door, it was opened by Inoichi. He was wearing sunglasses, a red Hawaiian-style shirt with white flowers on it, a pair of tan cargo shorts, and shinobi sandals.

"Ino! About time you brought Shikaru and Inohime!" the older Yamanaka man exclaimed happily, "I can't tell you how long your mother and I have been waiting to get to know our two grandchildren better!"

"Dad! What are you wearing?!" Ino exclaimed, obviously embarrassed.

"I'm wearing my 'cool grandpa' outfit," Inoichi explained as he slowly turned around in one spot. Finishing his spinning, Inoichi faced his adult daughter again and asked, "What do you think?"

"I don't think that Shikaru will be needing a shirt like that for Christmas," Ino remarked. Turning to face her two children, Ino said somewhat hesitantly, "Well kids, you two behave for your Grandpa Inoichi and Grandma Michelle, alright?"

"I can tell that this is going to be a different experience than usual," the young Nara boy replied to his mother.

(END FLASHBACK)

"And that's the extent of what mom saw," Shikaru said to his father. To both parents as a whole, Shikaru continued, "Now let me go on about what happened AFTER mom left…"

(FLASHBACK)

Shikaru and his little sister were standing in the living room of their grandparents Inoichi and Michelle. "You kids are in for a treat today!" Inoichi said in a way to try to get his grandkids excited, "Your grandma is setting up to make cookies, and when grandpa's friends come by later, we'll be playing pool!"

"Grandpa Inoichi has pool?" Inohime asked, sounding excited.

"It's not that kind of pool, Inohime," Shikaru pointed out.

To his grandfather, the young Nara boy asked, "So when will your friends show up?"

Checking the watch on his right wrist, Inoichi whistled and said, "Wow. They won't be here until late this afternoon." Looking to his grandkids, Inoichi said, "I know! Inohime, why don't you help your Grandma Michelle with setting up to make cookies, while Shikaru and I practice playing pool?"

"Yay, cookies!" Inohime cheered excitedly, throwing both arms into the air.

"Actually, Inoichi dear," Michelle said as she came out of the kitchen, "I'm needing to run a few errands before I can start on the cookies." Looking to her grandson, Michelle added, "And I can use a strong young man like Shikaru to help me."

"But…" Inoichi began in a disappointed tone, "…We were going to do man stuff together, 'cause we're men."

"Well maybe you can look after Inohime in the meantime," Michelle suggested, "Maybe she can even introduce you to her little friend she's got there."

At Michelle's suggestion, Inoichi suddenly noticed the Pinkie Pie plushy his granddaughter had. "Oh yeah," the older Yamanaka man said, "Who's your little friend there, Inohime?" Suddenly defensive, Inohime whined in a frightened tone as she hugged her plushy tightly.

"Hmm? What's wrong, sweetie?" Michelle asked, seeing her granddaughter's obvious discomfort and fright.

"Whenever Inohime and I were left at Grandpa Shikaku's and Grandma Yoshino's place," Shikaru began to explain, "Grandpa Shikaku would try to confiscate Inohime's toy, saying that he won't stand for girly stuff like that in his household." Both older Yamanakas looked appalled by the explanation they were given by their grandson.

"I cannot believe Shikaru would be so mean! And to young girl, of all people!" Michelle remarked, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well don't you worry, sweetie," Inoichi said to his granddaughter, "Grandpa Inoichi will not do any such thing!" Looking around, Inoichi came across the PS4 plugged up to his and Michelle's TV (Inoichi's one hell of a cool grandpa if he owns a PS4). Getting an idea, Inoichi said, "Hey Shikaru, that plushy of your sister's has a TV show, right?"

"Yeah," Shikaru answered, "I don't really care for it one way or the other, but Inohime loves it."

"Can I find it on Netflix?" Inoichi asked, continuing his line of questioning.

"Yeah," Shikaru replied.

"Well then," Inoichi declared, "While you help your grandma with her errands, I'll set up me and grandma's Netflix on the PS4 to play the pony show for your sister!" To his young granddaughter, Inoichi asked, "How about it, sweetie? You wanna watch ponies?"

"Really?" Inohime asked, sounding like she had a little trouble believing.

"It's no biggie at all," Inoichi replied, "Your grandma and I want to make the time you and your brother have here as enjoyable as possible! Heck, I'll even watch it with you!"

"Yay!" Inohime cheered, making Michelle chuckle in good humor. Even Shikaru found the sight to be slightly endearing.

" _Yeah_ ," the young Nara boy thought, " _A much more different experience_ , _indeed_."

...

A few hours later, Shikaru and his Grandma Michelle returned from their shopping trip. "I hope Grandpa Inoichi isn't too upset with having to put up with watching that pony show with Inohime," Shikaru remarked.

"Now Shikaru, your Grandpa Inoichi loves both you and your sister dearly," Michelle said to her grandson in an admonishing tone, "I'm certain he'll have no problem at all." When the young Nara boy and his grandmother entered the older Yamanakas' residence, they saw that an episode of 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic' had just gotten to the end credits on Inoichi's and Michelle's TV.

Hearing the front door open, Inohime turned around, saw that her brother and grandmother were back, and got off of the sofa to greet them. "I'm glad to see you too," Michelle remarked, gently patting her granddaughter on the head, "Did you have fun with your grandfather?"

"Grandpa and Inohime watched lots of Ponies!" Inohime said excitedly.

Looking to the TV screen, Shikaru noted, "From the looks of it, they watched all of the first season."

Walking over to his grandfather, who was still seated on the sofa, Shikaru noticed that his grandfather was sitting, slightly hunched, with his fists raised in a pose suggesting that he was about to shake them in a way that suggested he was going to start chanting. Slowly taking off his grandfather's sunglasses, Shikaru saw that Inoichi had wingding eyes; the older Yamanaka man's pupils were literally star-shaped.

"…Grandpa Inoichi?" the young Nara boy began in a worried tone, "Are you okay?"

"This…" Inoichi replied slowly, "…Is the greatest show…EVAR."

"Great," Shikaru replied in a knowing tone, "THIS ended up happening."

(END FLASHBACK)

"…Even with that in mind," Shikaru said, "I would much prefer having to stay at Grandpa Inoichi's and Grandma Michelle's. And I'm certain Inohime would prefer that as well."

"Grandpa Inoichi said that he and Inohime can watch Frozen next time!" Inohime stated.

Looking to her husband, Ino said, "Well, dear? Are you okay with leaving the kids with my parents?"

"Well we should see if they're available first," Shikamaru pointed out.

Picking up her smartphone from the dining room table, Ino called her parents. A few seconds after Ino started the call, her mother Michelle answered. "Well this is certainly a surprise," Michelle greeted in her usual friendly tone, "Given the somewhat late time. How are you doing dear?"

"Hey mom, I just wanted to know if you and dad were available for something," Ino replied, "By the way, what are you two up to?"

"Oh, we're both lying in bed right now," Michelle explained, "I was reading a book until you called, and your father's watching something on Netflix via his hand-held game system. He's got headphones on, so he can't really hear us."

"Really? What's dad watching?" Ino asked.

"He said that it's a show that's really popular among grown men," Michelle explained, "He didn't go into much detail after that."

"Huh. Well okay," Ino began, "Anywho, I need to tell you something. Shikamaru was asked to serve as interim Hokage."

"Go on," Michelle said.

"And I have a really busy schedule at Konoha General this week," Ino continued, "Due to the both of us being so busy, Shikamaru and I were going to ask his parents to watch Shikaru and Inohime for us."

"I see," Michelle replied in a knowing tone that had a hint of disappointment; disappointment in more than one way.

"When we explained all of this to the kids, they asked if it was possible that you and dad can watch them instead," Ino finished.

"Really?" Michelle said happily, her tone shooting right back up, "They like us that much?"

"Shikaru told Shikamaru and I about what usually happens when he and Inohime are at Shikamaru's parents' place," Ino replied, sounding mildly ashamed.

"Don't worry, I gave that idiot Shikaku a stern talking to," Michelle stated, "And Yoshino was all too happy to help me, for some reason that escapes me."

"Anyway, Shikamaru and I need to know if you and dad have the time to actually watch Shikaru and Inohime," Ino said finally.

"Oh we have all the time in the world, dear," Michelle replied kindly, "And your father and I will be more than glad to have the grandkids over. Just let me tell your father so that-"

"HOLY CRAP!" Inoichi could be heard shouting in the background, loud enough for Ino and even Shikamaru to hear, "TWILIGHT BECAME AN ALICORN!"

"…I'll choose to take that as a 'yes' from dad," Ino said in a monotone, "Good night, mom. Tell dad that I said good night to him too." And with that, Ino hung up.

Shikamaru was silent for a few seconds before he said, "…Was your dad-"

"Well hey," Ino interrupted, shrugging indifferently, "It's better than leaving the kids with your parents."

"True, I'll give you that," Shikamaru agreed.

* * *

The next day, Harold Fisher, Tsume Inuzuka and Kuromaru walked into the Akimichi clan-owned diner that they usually get coffee at with Inoichi. They were, in fact, meeting their Yamanaka friend there. When they found him sitting in their usual diner booth, they all noticed that the older Yamanaka man had his arms folded as he wore a **VERY** smug smile.

"The hell has you so chipper?" Kuromaru asked, cocking a brow at the Yamanaka patriarch.

"You guys know how Michelle and I are just one of the pairs of grandparents to Shikaru and Inohime, right?" Inoichi replied, obviously trying to hold back his glee.

"Yeah, dude," Harold said as he and Tsume took their seats, "But didn't you say that your grandchildren usually end up spending more time with Shikaku and Yoshino?"

"Yes I did," the older Yamanaka man agreed, "But that might change really soon." Puffing his chest out somewhat, putting his fists on his waist and turning his head slightly to the right, thus putting himself a heroic-looking pose, Inoichi declared, "Michelle and I found out last night that we're Shikaru's and Inohime's favorite grandparents!"

"Dude, seriously?!" Harold exclaimed, "Well alright!"

As The two best friends did a high-five, Kuromaru remarked, "Seriously? Your grandkids actually-"

"Inoichi, you brainwashing bastard!" an angry and shrill woman's voice called out, making the three seniors and one ninja dog jump in their seats (Kuromaru was sitting on the floor next to Tsume). Before any of them could get up, Yoshino Nara came striding right up to their booth. "I just got a call from your daughter," Yoshino said in an accusing tone to Inoichi as she angrily pointed at him, "Apparently, you and your wife are usurping me and my bastard husband as the go-to for watching the grandkids!"

Getting up from where he sat, Inoichi replied smugly, "Well it's not my fault that I'm cool like that." Raising his hands up in the air, the Yamanaka patriarch added, "What you gonna do about it?"

"Ohhhhh, Inoichi is challenging Yoshino," Harold whispered in a knowing tone to Tsume, "This is gonna be good!"

"Follow me out of the diner," Yoshino replied to the older Yamanaka man, "I'll show you what I'm going to do about it."

"Ohhhhh, it's on now!" Harold declared as he and the other diner patrons, along with a few of the Akimichi working at the diner, followed Inoichi and Yoshino outside.

* * *

Out in the diner's parking lot, the gathered spectators formed a sort of circle around Inoichi and Yoshino. As Harold and Tsume were collecting bets, with Kuromaru looking at them disapprovingly all the while, Ino and Shikaru came walking up. "Hey Mr. Fisher, Mrs. Inuzuka, Kuromaru," Ino began, "What is going…" Ino stopped mid-sentence when she saw that her dad was beginning to face off against her mother-in-law. "What is my father doing?!" Ino snapped.

"Hey, Yoshino started it," Harold defended.

"I'm afraid that Harold's got a point," Kuromaru added before Ino could speak, "Yoshino really did start all of this mess."

"…Seriously?" Ino asked, sounding totally shocked.

"You're going down!" Yoshino yelled, running straight to Inoichi with her fist raised. Inoichi, in a move that was surprisingly smooth for a man his age, spun out of the way. Stopping somewhere in the middle of the space provided to him and Yoshino, Inoichi began to perform various dance moves.

"Oh snap!" Harold exclaimed, "Inoichi is entering his DDR mode!"

"My dad has a DDR mode?" Ino asked, sounding incredulous.

"It's a combat mode he developed a few months prior to the Suna-Oto invasion a few decades ago," Tsume began to explain to Ino, "While in this mode, your father is completely incapable of fighting back against aggressors."

"In exchange for this total lack of defense," Harold continued, "He gains unparalleled evasion. It's to the point that he becomes virtually unhittable."

It was true; Yoshino was throwing punch after punch, only for Inoichi to smoothly dodge every hit, all the while dropping funky fresh moves. "Stand still so I can hit you," Yoshino snarled angrily, "You blonde son of a-"

"Oh stop it, grandma!" Shikaru called out, making Yoshino do a double take to see that she was caught doing something irresponsible by her grandson.

To Inoichi, Ino said, "You should stop too, dad." Once Inoichi stopped in the middle of doing a moonwalk, Shikaru approached his grandparents.

"What were the two of you doing?!" Shikaru exclaimed, "The two of you were both acting in a way that adults usually call kids out for, not the other way around! What in the hell were you two thinking?!"

"Hey, she started it," Inoichi defended, pointing an accusing finger at his opponent.

"And you're acting childish still!" Shikaru declared, "Seriously, Grandpa Inoichi! The hell?!"

"Actually, your grandfather is right, Shikaru" Kuromaru explained to the young Nara boy, "Your Grandma Yoshino challenged him, accusing him and your Grandma Michelle of brainwashing you and your sister into liking them over her and your Grandpa Shikaku."

Looking to his grandmother, Shikaru seemed to be at a loss for words. "…Really," was all the young Nara boy could say, his tone seeping with disappointment.

"Shikaru," Yoshino began in a tone steadily growing more upset, "I can explain-"

"How **DARE** you," Shikaru interrupted, the disappointment seeping from his voice now replaced with growing anger, "This is one of the last things I expected out of an adult."

His brow furrowing, Shikaru continued his verbal tearing into his grandmother. "You would seriously accuse Grandpa Inoichi and Grandma Michelle of trying to brainwash Inohime and I into liking them over you and Grandpa Shikaku, simply because Inohime and I would both rather go over to their place rather than yours? Inohime likes it there because neither Grandpa Inoichi or Grandma Michelle ever try to take her toy away. I like it over there because neither Grandpa Inoichi or Grandma Michelle turn visits into shouting matches that last the entirety of the visit. Inohime and I aren't brainwashed, Grandma Yoshino, because when it comes to you and Grandpa Shikaku, Inohime and I are both totally downright frigg'en **TERRIFIED!** "

Silence. All who were present had effectively stunned into silence; the only noise came from Shikaru, who was panting with exhaustion after having given such an epic verbal shaming to his grandmother. At one point, Harold raised an index finger in a gesture suggesting he wanted to say something, but he ultimately decided against it, and lowered the offending index finger, and his hand as a whole.

Yoshino was shaking, struggling to keep herself from crying. She had finally realized the extreme error of her actions; not just her part in the impromptu street fight against Inoichi ("She was totally going to lose, anyway," Harold would later be quoted saying), but Yoshino had also realized that she had just as much of a part, if not more so of a part, in driving her grandchildren away as her husband had.

"…Shikaru," Ino said suddenly and softly in an unsure tone to her son, "You should apologize to your-"

"No, I-Ino," the older Nara woman stammered somewhat, dabbing at the corner of her right eye, "Shikaru has no need to apologize. Unlike most other men I've known in my life, Shikaru's actually RIGHT. I…I had that scolding he just gave me coming. And for a while, at that."

Where Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru stood in the crowd, Tsume leaned to Harold and whispered to him in a shocked tone, "Dude, Yoshino Nara just admitted to having fault in something."

"I know," Harold whispered back, sounding just as shocked as the older Inuzuka woman, "I wish that I had a camera or video recorder to record this first-time-in-history moment."

* * *

A few days later, the various ninja squads sent out by Konoha, Suna, Iwa and Kiri all returned to their respective villages; apparently, the manhunt everyone went on hit a dead end, and all were forced to give up on the chase. Walking into Konohagakure was Lord Hokage Naruto; Naruto was dressed in a similar manner to his late father, the Fourth Lord Hokage, right down to the cool long coat, albeit with a slightly different color scheme (it had orange in place of white).

"A shame we couldn't find that man," Rock Lee said to his companions; the Taijitsu master's appearance hardly changed from his mid to late teens, save for the fact that he's somewhat taller now. …But then again, this is ROCK LEE we're talking about here; would anyone honestly expect any sort of change at all?

"How could one man evade the combined forces of four of the five great villages?!" Neji proclaimed, throwing both hands into the air in a gesture of frustration.

"He's one hell of a slippery bastard, you have to give him that," Sasuke remarked.

"Well let's keep an eye on any news and an ear out on any rumors," the Lord Sixth said, "We can't just give up TOTALLY."

"You got a point there, Lord Naruto," Rock Lee replied, "We should-"

"Rock Lee, please," Naruto said, laughing slightly in a tone that was a mix of good humor and a little bit of discomfort, "No need to be so formal with me. We're essentially just hanging out right now, so just calling me 'Naruto' will be sufficient."

"Gai Sensei always thought you'd be a modest Hokage," Rock Lee remarked, "Now I see that, as always, Gai Sensei knows what he's talking about." As the four shinobi, perhaps the four strongest that Konoha had to offer, continued their walk to the Hokage office building, they were approached by Shikamaru.

"Boy am I glad to see that you're back," Shikamaru said to the returning team. Speaking specifically to Naruto, Shikamaru added, "I've gotten a little tired of keeping your seat warm for you."

Chuckling in good humor, the Lord Sixth replied, "Well I'll be glad to take it back, dude."

"So is there anything that we missed while we were gone?" the Uchiha man asked.

"Oh, funny thing, actually," Shikamaru began, "Ino's parents are helping my parents reconnect to Shikaru and Inohime."

"Really?" Neji asked, sounding curious, "Reconnect how, exactly?" With that prompting, Shikamaru began to regale Naruto and the others with what he and Ino learned from their two children, about how Ino's parents are currently the go to for watching the Nara kids, about how Shikamaru's mother was on the losing end of an impromptu street fight against Ino's father, about how Shikaru gave his grandmother the verbal dressing-down that she oh-so-desperately need, and finishing off with how Ino's parents are helping his parents reconnect to Shikaru and Inohime.

"…It'll take a while for Inohime to ease up around my father, but on the bright side, she's at least willing to be in the same room as him," Shikamaru finished, "My mother is having a much easier time, however. Inohime even invited my mother to play tea party with her and Ino's dad."

"Mr. Yamanaka plays tea party with your daughter?" Neji asked, sounding slightly confused.

"I think it's because he's so nice to Inohime," Shikamaru explained, "Although given that Mr. Yamanaka is the man who raised INO, of all people, this might be expected."

"I kind of find it hard to believe that a man would so willingly play tea party with a young girl," Neji remarked, a look of deep thought on his face. Both Shikamaru and Sasuke gave Neji the same kind of look, the one that suggested that they weren't surprised at all.

"…You never heard the story," Shikamaru began, "Of this one time about six years ago when Sasuke and I had to go to Naruto's place to pick him up for some business…"

(FLASHBACK, ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO)

Sasuke and Shikamaru were invited into the Uzumaki residence by Hinata. "Yeah, sorry for showing up like this, but we need to pick up Naruto," Shikamaru explained, rubbing the back of his head in a way showing his embarrassment.

"Oh, Naruto is playing with Natsu in her room," Hinata replied as she pointed the way, "Down that hall, first door to the right."

Following the Uzumaki matriarch's directions, Sasuke and Shikamaru eventually reached a bedroom. Looking inside, they saw that it was the room of a girl about five years of age; in approximately the middle there was a child's play table with four child's play chair around it. Seated in one chair to the far right was a young girl who resembled five-year-old Hinata, save for the fact that her hair was blonde. She was wearing what looked like a robe from a witch costume. The robe was white with blue trim.

Seated opposite of the young girl was Lord Sixth Hokage Naruto himself, sitting very awkwardly in the small child's play chair. "…Naruto?!" Sasuke said suddenly, "What are you doing?!"

Turning to see that he had visitors, Naruto replied, "Well clearly I am attending a tea party being held by White Mage Natsu, along with her friends Mr. Mittens and Dragonite." Shikamaru took a look at the two plushies seated between Naruto and his young daughter, one that was a generic cat plushy, and one that was a plushy of a dragon Pokémon.

"…I'm surprised to see that your daughter is going through a 'witch' phase instead of the traditional 'princess' phase," Shikamaru remarked, that being the only thing he could think to say.

"Natsu not witch!" the young Uzumaki girl proclaimed insistently as her brow furrowed her Byakugan eyes, "Natsu is White Mage!"

(END FLASHBACK)

"…So yeah," Shikamaru said to the cadet branch Hyuga, "My father-in-law being willing to play with Inohime doesn't surprise me in the least."

"How about your son, though?" Rock Lee asked, "How's Shikaru getting along with his grandparents?"

"Better than before, that's for sure," the Nara man remarked, "Most of his past discomfort involving my parents is due primarily to the shouting matches my mother would always start with my father."

"So…the verbal dressing-down your mother received from your son served as a sort-of impromptu anger management session?" Neji inquired.

"If that's the case, then my son is the only anger management specialist who has NOT had his or her head torn off by my mother," Shikamaru answered.

"Well I'm glad to see that your parents are taking steps to reconnect to your kids," Naruto said, "Now if only Hinata would afford her father the same courtesy in regards to Natsu."

"Wait, what?" Shikamaru asked, looking confused and mildly off guard.

"Oh, it's nothing," Naruto said dismissively, "Forget that I said anything."

END, CHAPTER THREE

Author's notes:

If any of you noticed when the second chapter was posted, taken down, then posted again with a few changes, I apologize. I noticed a few edits I had to make, and I'm still getting used to getting things to work the way I want to. Hopefully all of that mess will blow over after the next chapter or to.

Anywho, what did you think? About the slightly higher than normal amount of drama, I mean. Although I intend for this to be a humor series, I don't want it to be PURE humor; I'd like to spice things up here and there. Don't worry, there will still be a good laugh to be had.

I still haven't thought of what to do with the ' _that man_ ' plot.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter four: That girl, Uzumaki Natsu! (AKA why are Shrinking Violet-type girls so popular?)

Tsume Inuzuka was walking to the Uzumaki household one day. Accompanying her were her ninja dog Kuromaru, Tsume's daughter-in-law Sakaki, and Sakaki's ninja cat Mayamaru. The two large ninja animals were having a sort of argument with each other as the group made their way to their destination.

"…I'm totally calling it," the ninja cat said to his canine counterpart, "I mean, the girl's a direct blood relation to the main part of Konoha's most influential clan. Additionally, her father's been the Hokage since before she was born. She's been in high class since day one! She's obviously going to be one of those spoiled, shallow types who talks constantly on her cell phone, and does not understand the value of a ryo or a hard day's work. She'll be a spoiled brat-type."

"And that's where I'm going to have to disagree with you," the Inuzuka ninja dog replied, "I'm thinking that due to the aforementioned relations, the girl has so much expected of her that the stress has her cowed. Plus, look at who she has for a mother. Call it a safe bet, but I'm saying that she'll be shy, polite, sort-of withdrawn, and maybe a little klutzy, but in a cute way. She'll be a spoiled sweet-type."

"…The usual bet?" Mayamaru asked in a tone of suggestion.

"Double or nothing?" Kuromaru replied with a smirk.

"You're on, dog," the Nekozuka ninja cat agreed, bumping his right paw into Kuromaru's right paw (the animal equivalent of a human fist bump).

"What are the two of you talking about?" Sakaki asked in a confused tone, hands on her waist.

"Oh, Kuromaru and I were making bets on what kind of child Lord Sixth's daughter would be like," Mayamaru explained, "Given hardly anyone has ever even heard of the girl, much less seen her."

"The two of you should be ashamed of yourselves," Tsume remarked in a tone sounding mildly of disappointment.

A surprised look crossed Sakaki's face as she said, "Wow mama Tsume, I'm surprised you would-"

"Why the hell aren't you letting ME in on this action?!" Tsume exclaimed (her tone losing any disappointment it had), interrupting her daughter-in-law in the process.

"And there we go," Sakaki muttered in a tone showing that she should have seen this coming. Before any of this could have been acted upon, however, the four of them reached the Uzumaki household.

A few minutes later, Tsume and Sakaki were seated on a loveseat in the living room of the Uzumaki household; Mayamaru sat on the floor next to where Sakaki was seated, and Kuromaru sat on the floor next to where Tsume sat. Seated in a very plush light-tan leather recliner opposite of the Inuzuka women and their respective ninja animals was Hinata Uzumaki. Her outfit was a loose-fitting Hyuga clan-style robe that, surprisingly, had a very similar color scheme to the outfit that Hinata wore in her mid to late teens.

The Uzumaki matriarch also wore a pair of glasses with a lavender-colored frame (they weren't prescription, though. Hinata can see just fine. The reason why Hinata's wearing glasses is because Naruto thinks it's the only way Hinata could look lovelier. But then again, it was Hinata who requested to Naruto that he grow out his hair because she loves the feeling of running her fingers through those long golden spikes. Given that Naruto has had to set aside a portion of his getting-ready routine in the morning to tend to his now longer hair, Naruto's request to Hinata's look was the least the Hyuga-now-Uzumaki could do).

"Well I'm certainly glad that you were able to make it, Sakaki," Hinata began, "But something is bugging me."

"Hmm? What's up?" the younger Inuzuka woman (she was Inuzuka by marriage) replied in a curious tone.

"I mean no offence, but why did your mother-in-law and her dog come along?" Hinata asked, "I can understand you bringing Mayamaru, but Kiba's mother and I aren't familiar enough with each other to warrant her and Kuromaru tagging along."

"I was bored," the older Inuzuka woman explained casually, leaning back a bit in her seat.

"…I see," the Uzumaki matriarch replied in an unsure tone. As the women and two ninja animals continued their conversation, an eleven-year-old girl came into the house from the front door. She was about the same height and general appearance as Hinata back when she was around that age, right down to her Byakugan eyes. The only difference is that unlike Hinata, who had a bluish sort of brunette hair color, this girl's hair was a solid yellow blonde.

The girl's outfit also differed from eleven-year-old Hinata's; the girl's outfit was actually a size-appropriate replication of Hinata's outfit from her mid to late teens, except that the lavender on the jacket was replaced with orange. "Hello mother," the young girl greeted, "I just came back from father's office building. I made sure he got the lunch that you made-"

The girl stopped short when she noticed the visitors. "Oh, Natsu," Hinata said as she gestured to Sakaki and Mayamaru, "This is my friend Sakaki Inuzuka and her ninja cat Mayamaru." Gesturing to Tsume and Kuromaru, Hinata added in a somewhat unsure tone, "For some reason, Sakaki's mother-in-law, as well as Sakaki's mother-in-law's dog, decided to tag along as well."

"W-w-we have guests?!" the young girl, revealed to be Hinata's daughter Natsu, exclaimed in surprise, looking totally flustered, "I-I-I'll go make some tea for them!" Before she could be stopped, Natsu ran to the kitchen, tripping and falling on her face halfway. After a few seconds, Natsu slowly got up, dusted herself off, and finished her dash to the kitchen.

Leaning forward slightly and turning his head so he can see his feline counterpart, Kuromaru exclaimed, "Ha! You owe me some pet treats!"

* * *

The following afternoon, Tsume and Kuromaru met up with Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka. The four of them were at Inoichi's place in the den, setting up to play pool. "So one of us has finally gotten a good look at Hiashi's elusive granddaughter," Inoichi remarked as Tsume and Kuromaru regaled the two older men with the tale of their visit to Hinata yesterday.

"What's the girl like?" Harold asked, applying a cue chalk cube to the end of his cue stick.

"You remember how Hinata was back when she was eleven to twelve?" Kuromaru replied. After Harold and Inoichi both nodded in affirmation, Kuromaru continued, "This Natsu girl has pretty much the same personality."

"Her parents aren't the cause of it, are they?" Harold asked in a concerned tone, "Because given Hyuga clan history in that regard-"

"No, Hinata and Lord Sixth are the total opposite of what you're getting at," Tsume interrupted, "Lord Sixth is more akin to Inoichi than Hiashi in terms of how he's acting as a father."

"Well good on Lord Sixth!" Inoichi declared in a tone of praise, "Not only is he a good husband to Hinata, he's also a good father to Natsu!"

"Well okay boys," Tsume said as she set the balls up on the pool table's surface, "You ready?"

"I've been born ready since before I was born," Harold replied in a confident tone.

"Do…do you even hear yourself talk sometimes?" Kuromaru asked the Fisher patriarch in a tone of slight bewilderment.

* * *

The next morning, Harold and company were walking to the usual Akimichi diner for their morning coffee. As they walked, they were approached by Haru, Shikaru and Bankai. Accompanying the young Inuzuka boy was a ninja dog about the size of Akamaru back when Kiba was twelve. "Hey hey! What's up, boys?" Harold asked as the boys greeted their respective older relatives.

"The three of us need to ask you all for advice," Haru explained, looking mildly embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his head and dragged his foot slowly from side to side.

"Correction," the young Nara boy said to his Uchiha friend, "YOU want to ask for advice. Bankai's not interested in her and I'm not interested in pursuing girls in general at the moment. They're rather troublesome."

Leaning to Harold so he could whisper something to him, Inoichi whispered, "Just like his dad back when he was that age."

"Wait now," the older Inuzuka woman said to the boys in a mildly amused tone, "What's this about pursuing a girl?"

"The guys and I were hanging out earlier," Haru began, "You know, me, Shikaru, Bankai, Choba and Shibei. As we were hanging out, this girl came up to us."

"Go on," Harold replied as he and his companions were growing amused with the unfolding story.

"She asked us if we had seen two grown men with the same kind of eyes as her," Haru continued, "She had the same eyes as mom's one friend with the long brunette hair."

"Did this girl have blonde hair in a short hime-style haircut?" Kuromaru asked.

"Yeah, she did," Haru answered, "It was rather- Wait! How did you know?"

"Bankai's grandmother and I met the girl yesterday," the Inuzuka ninja dog explained, "Her name's Natsu."

"Well, after the two men she was looking for showed up-apparently, their names were Neji and Ko-and left with the girl, I was thinking," Haru continued.

"…About?" Harold prodded his grandnephew.

"…That the girl was kinda sorta kinda…cute," Haru finished, mumbling somewhat at the end.

"What's that?" the Fisher patriarch said in a teasing tone, holding a hand to his left ear as he leaned closer; this was obviously done with some teasing in mind.

"She's cute, alright?!" Haru confessed, throwing his arms up in defeat, "I think she's cute, and she seems nice, and I want to get to know her more!"

"Ha!" Shikaru laughed in a manner to mock Haru.

"Well hot damn! My grandnephew has accomplished the first step to manhood!" Harold exclaimed joyously, "He's started to notice girls! Atta boy, Haru!"

"So you want our advice on how to win her over?" Inoichi suggested.

"No he shouldn't," Kuromaru declared, "It may have worked for YOU TWO, and I'm still trying to figure out how that was even possible. But it's the absolute last thing Harold's grandnephew should want, if he's really that keen on winning over Lord Sixth's daughter."

"Wait, that girl is Lord Sixth's daughter?!" Shikaru exclaimed worriedly. Turning to face Haru, the young Nara boy said, "Haru, dude, if you value your life, abandon all thoughts of pursuing that girl."

"Oh come on, Shikaru!" Haru complained, "It can't be that bad!"

"Dude, this girl's dad is the HOKAGE!" Shikaru explained, "One wrong move, and you are frigg'en DEAD!"

"He's got a point," Tsume added, "Fathers tend to be very protective of their little girls. Why, just ask Inoichi!"

"She's right," Inoichi agreed in a tone of confirmation, "I didn't let Shikaru's mother start dating until she moved out on her own."

Looking at the increasingly worried look on his grandnephew's face, Harold said to his friends, "Uhh, guys? I don't think we're helping."

To his grandnephew, Harold said, "Haru, young man, it's okay to be a little nervous when going after someone you have a crush on. It's a perfectly normal part of growing up."

"So what should I do to win her over?" Haru asked.

Looking to Inoichi, Harold asked, "You in on this, man?"

"…Oh hells yeah," Inoichi replied once he knew what Harold was getting at, "And you can help me when Shikaru finally takes an interest in girls!"

"Alright, it's a deal," Harold agreed, shaking his best friend's hand.

"What are you two talking about?" Shikaru asked.

"Your grandfather and I are going to help Haru win this Natsu girl over," Harold replied casually.

"Oh swell," Kuromaru mumbled as if he knew how this was going to turn out, "This can only go SO well for them…"

* * *

The following morning, Haru was sitting on a bench in a public park, waiting for someone to show up. It should be noted that Haru was wearing an earpiece in his right ear through which Harold and Inoichi, who were hiding in a bush about twenty feet behind the bench Haru was seated on, could talk to him. "Okay Haru," the Fisher patriarch's voice came through the earpiece, "I see Hiashi's granddaughter coming in. Just play it cool and do what Inoichi and I say, alright?"

Resolving to later ask his granduncle how he and Shikaru's grandpa managed to convince Natsu to come, Haru stood up and straightened himself up when he saw Natsu enter the public park. Haru waived when Natsu's gaze passed over where he was standing, making the Uzumaki girl do a double take to see someone trying to get her attention.

"So…" Natsu began in an unsure tone, poking the tips of her index fingers together, "…You're Haru Uchiha?"

"Uhh, yeah," Haru replied, scratching the back of his head in an embarrassed manner, "I'm Haru."

"I was told that your father is best friends with my father," Natsu began, "I've actually seen your father before, so I can see how the two of you would be related."

"Hey Haru," Inoichi's voice said through the earpiece, "Ask her about her interests."

Taking the cue, Haru asked, "So, uhh, Natsu, what do you like?"

"When I'm not studying or training, I like to play RPG-type games," Natsu replied, "I prefer playing White Mage characters when it's an option."

"I'd probably be a heavy hitting warrior kind of guy," Haru commented as he started to feel comfortable with the conversation he was having with Natsu.

Continuing, Haru asked, "What games do you play specifically?"

"I play Omega Ruby version and Yo-kai Watch," Natsu answered, "I also have Fantasy Life and Final Fantasy Explorers."

"Really? I play Yo-kai Watch and Alpha Sapphire version," Haru replied, sounding intrigued with the way the conversation was going.

"Really? You play Yo-kai Watch?" Natsu asked.

"Yeah," Haru explained, "My friends and I all have our own copies. We've all beaten the main story, so we're mostly spending our time battling each other on it." Leaning somewhat closer to Natsu, Haru whispered, "Shikaru keeps losing because his little sister insists that he use all of the really cute Yo-kai while she watches."

"Your friend sounds like a really nice guy," Natsu remarked casually, "Maybe I can battle him and the rest of your friends in Yo-kai Watch?"

"Crap, she's taking an interest in other guys," Harold said through the earpiece, "Bring her focus back to you!"

Looking mildly panicked, Haru suddenly said, "You could battle me too! I'm not one to brag, but I've got the most wins between me and my friends! In both Yo-kai Watch AND Alpha Sapphire version!" Natsu had a mildly concerned look on her face, which worried Haru.

But that worry blew over when the young Uzumaki girl asked, "Do ALL of your friends have Alpha Sapphire version?"

Relaxing somewhat, Haru replied, "I think Shibei and Choba both have Omega Ruby version, but the point still stands that I have the most wins overall." Tilting her head slightly to one side, Natsu simply looked at Haru. After a few seconds passed, Natsu gave a closed-eyed smile, which Haru thought was very cute.

"Well then," Natsu declared in a somewhat mischievous manner, "I guess that I'll have to end your win streak."

"Wait, you actually want to play video games with me?" Haru asked, sounding shocked.

"I haven't had much of an opportunity to play around with others in my age group as I was growing up, if truth be told," Natsu admitted, looking somewhat embarrassed, "My mother insisted that I receive private tutoring and training, hence why I've never been enrolled in the Leaf Village Academy. I hardly ever been anywhere other than home or the Hyuga clan estate ever since I was born, mostly because my mother was worried that I'd be bullied or hurt or something along those lines."

"Wow, that sounds like a harsh way to grow up," Haru remarked, then suddenly looked worried that he may have offended the girl he has a crush on.

"I wouldn't exactly call it harsh," Natsu replied, "But I understand what you're trying to get at. Aside from my cousin Tenji, who's about two years or so older than me, the only person I know in my general age group is you. Plus, my father says that he wants me to start socializing, so I figured I could ask you if I can tag along the next time you and your friends play video games."

"Actually, I was planning on meeting up with the guys after I leave the park," Haru stated, "Bankai says that he caught Lugia and super trained it, and now he wants to try and beat me in a battle again. Plus, the guys wanna do more street pass for recruiting Yo-kai via Wayfarer Manor." Addressing Natsu more directly, the young Uchiha boy asked, "You wanna come along?"

"Won't your friends object if you bring me along without informing them beforehand?" Natsu asked, looking mildly concerned.

"Shikaru always brings his little sister along because his mom tells him to," Haru pointed out, "Even though Bankai and Shibei find it irritating. If anything, the guys will be surprised to see a girl in our general age group for a change."

"Well let me just go home and get my games," Natsu replied, "Can I meet you back here so we can go together?"

"I need to get my games as well, so it should work out," Haru replied, "We can meet back here in, say, thirty minutes?"

"Agreed," Natsu replied with a nod, turning to take her leave. After Natsu left the park, Haru walked by the bush where Harold and Inoichi hid. Haru gave the two older men a double thumbs-up, excitedly whispering, "It worked!"

"Top kek!" Harold replied, returning the same gesture to his grandnephew. After Haru took his leave, Harold turned to face Inoichi. "Dude, Cupid better watch out," the older Fisher man said to his best friend, "Because you and I are stealing his thunder as match-makers!"

"Hells yeah, man!" the Yamanaka patriarch replied as he high fived his best friend, "I don't see how this can possible go wrong!"

* * *

Later that afternoon, Harold and Inoichi were at the Uchiha residence, talking to Sakura and Ino in the dining room. "So you see, dear," Inoichi said to his adult daughter as he explained something to her, "You can't make Shikaru bring Inohime along all the time when he goes to hang out with his friends. They're boys who are twelve to thirteen years of age, and Inohime is only four-years-old. Why don't you instead-"

*SLAM*

*STOMP STOMP STOMP*

"BANKAI AND SHIKARU ARE JERKS!" Haru exclaimed loudly.

The four adults were startled by the loud noises, and even more by Haru's angry shouting. "Haru, dear, are you okay?" Sakura called out from the dining room in a concerned tone. Sakura's calling out had the effect of summoning a very angry looking Haru to the dining room.

"The video game session with the guys blew up in everyone's faces!" Haru exclaimed. Hearing Haru speaking in an angry tone, along with his demeanor in general, made the two older men look concerned.

"What happened, exactly?" Sakura asked.

"Well I invited Natsu along with me, since she plays two of the same games the guys and I all play," Haru began, "Then she gets into a battle…and that's when things started to go sour."

"Sour…how, exactly?" Ino asked, looking mildly worried.

"First Natsu beats Bankai in a battle in ORAS," Haru replied.

"So Bankai was just being a really sore loser," Sakura said in a dismissive tone, "Granted that's not proper behavior, but it shouldn't be all that bad."

"It actually kinda is," Haru continued, "Natsu didn't just beat Bankai, their battle was a total and complete one-sided slaughter. Natsu swept Bankai's entire party using only her Greninja. Keep in mind that the party Bankai used consisted of five legendaries and a Blaziken which mega evolved."

"Is…that bad?" Harold asked, sounding mildly confused.

"It's VERY bad," Haru explained, "Up until that point, Bankai only ever lost to me, and even then the battles have ALWAYS been close. That was by far the worst loss that any of the guys or I have ever been dealt, and it really got to Bankai."

"What happened next?" Inoichi asked, growing more and more concerned as were the other three adults.

"After a few of the guys and I got some battles in ORAS and Yo-kai Watch in, Shikaru challenged Natsu to a battle in Yo-kai Watch," Haru continued, "He was feeling a little confidant after having beaten Choba in ORAS and Shibei in Yo-kai Watch."

"I'm guessing that his fight against Natsu didn't end well?" Ino inquired.

"Shikaru's strongest Yo-kai is his level seventy-two Venoct," Haru said, "Natsu used an entire party of level ninety-nine Yo-kai. One was Kyubi, another was Shogunyan, a third was an S-rank rare that none of the guys or I even recognized, and the other three were S-rank rare crank-a-kai exclusives." Leaning somewhat towards the adults that were seated at the dining room table, Haru said, "Shikaru…was… **CREAMED**."

"Ouch, I bet that knocked some change out of his coin purse," Inoichi remarked, sounding mildly pained as he tried sympathizing with Shikaru.

"To make matters worse, Inohime cheered on Natsu whenever she was in a battle," Haru added, "EVERY time. Even when Natsu battled against Shikaru."

"Oh snap!" Harold exclaimed, "To have one's own family cheer against you in a competition! Such a betrayal had to sting!"

"Inohime even started referring to Natsu as 'big sister onee-chan', which ticked Shikaru off slightly," Haru pointed out.

"Aww," Ino remarked, "That sounds so cute!"

Leaning back in her seat a little, Sakura said in a mildly worried tone, "So Natsu's just really good at video games. Given how little time outside Hinata had allowed Natsu to have growing up, I bet the girl's gotten a lot of hours clocked in on her video games."

"That's what Choba and I thought when we watched Natsu's Cruncha take out Shikaru's Venoct," Haru replied, "But Bankai and Shikaru both accused Natsu of cheating."

"My son did WHAT?!" Ino exclaimed.

"Choba, Shibei and I immediately defended Natsu," Haru explained quickly, "And Inohime started to whack Shikaru in the shins with her pony plushy when he and Bankai started to accuse Natsu. But after the accusation started, everything turned to a shouting match, which made Natsu gather up her stuff and run off." Looking somewhat more ashamed, Haru added, "I think that I even saw Natsu crying a little."

"Oh…" the Fisher patriarch said, "…Oh crap."

"What am I going to do NOW?!" Haru nearly exclaimed, "Natsu ran off crying and it's all my fault! She's bound to hate me now!"

"It looks like we need to explain some things to the kids," Inoichi said to the other adults, "You know, smooth some feathers out. Put worries to rest."

"And tell Sakaki what her son had the audacity to do," Ino added in a mildly angry tone, "So she and I can whack our respective sons in the back of their heads at the exact same time."

"Well Inoichi, girls," Harold said to the other adults, "We've…got some explaining to do. Parents are going to want to know what happened exactly and how it happened."

* * *

"This is exactly what I was worried would happen!" Hinata exclaimed; she and most of the parents of the kids involved in the incident, along with Harold and Inoichi, as well and Neji and Ko (the latter looking practically the same as he did twenty or so years ago) had gathered to discuss the disastrous video game session in Naruto's office at the Hokage office building. The only adults who weren't present were Kiba's wife Sakaki, Choji's wife and Shino's wife.

"Hinata, please calm down," Naruto replied, looking a little worried, "This was the first time that Natsu had-"

"EXACTLY!" Hinata shouted angrily as she cut her husband off, "Natsu's FIRST TIME outside of the safety of home and the Hyuga clan estate, and others accuse her of cheating, simply because she beat them at video games fair and square!"

"Lady Natsu has never even seen any sort of device for video games that would allow her to do so," Ko said to the adults present, "And refuses to even consider them. She gets that honesty of hers from her father Lord Sixth."

"How did the completely random idea of going to play video games with the boys even enter Hinata's daughter's head in the first place?" Shino asked. Shino, aside from being slightly taller, looked pretty much the same as he did back in his mid to late teens; he was even wearing a size appropriate version of his teenage outfit. Harold and Inoichi exchanged knowing looks before they both stepped forward.

"Umm… Inoichi and I MAY have had a role in this mess," the older Fisher man confessed.

"…What?" Sasuke said, sounding a mix of not believing this and totally expecting this.

"You see, a few days ago, Haru, Shikaru and Bankai came to us," Harold began, "My grandnephew mentioned how Natsu came up to him and his friends, inquiring about the location of two dudes that were related to her."

"That would be Ko and myself, if you're describing the same event that I'm thinking of," Neji interjected.

"Haru pretty much confessed that he fell for the girl at first sight, and proceeded to ask Harold and myself for advice on how to win her over," Inoichi continued, "So we set up a meeting for them in a local park, and through an electronic earpiece, we gave Haru instructions on how to talk to her."

"We actually managed to get Haru to convince Natsu to accompany him to the video game session," Harold added, "And…that's where things must have taken a sour turn."

"Wait wait wait," Sasuke said, "…My son has a crush on Naruto's daughter?"

"Heh, that actually sounds kinda cute," the Lord Sixth remarked in an amused manner.

"I think that there's more serious stuff here to talk about, you two," Ino stated.

"Look," Harold interrupted, "The main point here is that things blew up in faces, and that Inoichi and I, unfortunately, had a role in this mess to play. But we were NOT trying to mess things up! Honest!"

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Inoichi declared with his left hand raised and his right hand over his heart, showing, in his own unique way, that he was being as serious as Harold.

"…What he said," Harold said simply, pointing to his best friend.

"So let me get this straight," Hinata said to the two senior men, "My daughter ran home crying earlier today…because YOU TWO managed to get her to step outside of the safety zone I set up for her?!"

"Hinata, dear," Naruto said, "I know you only had Natsu's safety and well-being in mind, but with all due respect, our daughter DESPRATELY needed to learn how to socialize with others her own age."

"Look what happened!" Hinata exclaimed, "She was accused of cheating simply because she won!"

"I'll admit that this was a…disastrous first time," Naruto relented, "But we can't let one bad first day keep us from ever letting Natsu out ever again."

"…I guess you're right, dear," the Uzumaki woman relented finally.

"Firstly," Naruto said to the other adults present, "We clear a few things with our respective children. Let them know that what happened was wrong, why it was wrong, and who's to be blamed. SECONDLY…" The Sixth Lord turned his gaze to Harold and Inoichi before he continued, "…We need to talk about setting up a meeting between kids without first consulting the parents of said kids."

"Are we in trouble, dude?" Harold asked as he leaned to Inoichi and whispered to him.

"I think so, dude," the Yamanaka patriarch replied, whispering in a mildly worried tone.

* * *

A few days later, Haru was hanging out with Shikaru, Bankai, Choba and Shibei at the local park; Choba looked like a twelve-year-old Choji save for having the hairstyle of sixteen-year-old Choji, and Shibei was dressed in an exact same manner as sixteen-year-old Shino, save for his hooded jacket being a pale light blue in color. Given how much he was covered, it was hard to tell if Shibei resembled his father in any way. "…So anywho you guys," Shibei said to the other boys, "I did some looking up on the internet, and I found out what that mysterious S-rank rare Yo-kai that was used by that blonde Hyuga girl is called."

"Yeah, what's it called?" Choba asked, "It's been bugging me ever since our game session a few days ago, and it's not like I have the game guide to help me." Before Shibei could go on with his explanation, Natsu came walking up to the boys, albeit hesitantly.

"Umm…hi…" Natsu greeted sheepishly. The boys all replied somewhat sheepishly as well, especially Shikaru and Bankai.

"Yeah…the video game session a few days ago could have ended better," Shikaru remarked, "Sorry about the whole accusing you of cheating thing."

"Yeah, that was my bad as well," Bankai agreed, "I mean, Shikaru and I both lose against the others from time to time, but it was never nowhere NEAR as bad as the beatings we took from you."

"Seriously though, how in blazes did you get so good?" Shikaru asked.

"Since I was hardly ever allowed outside," Natsu explained in an embarrassed manner, "The time I would have spent socializing with others my own age was instead spent clocking in a lot of hours on my games."

"That much is obvious," Choba remarked, "Speaking of, what's that one Yo-kai of yours called? The bug guy with the single long horn and purple armor? Where did you even befriend him? That guy not only hits like a tank, but takes hits as well as one!"

"You mean Hornaplenty?" Natsu replied, "Mount Wildwood mountain trail at night. Scan the treetops."

"Yeah, and that Greninja of yours," Bankai added, "Why the hell did it keep changing its type before any of its attacks went off?"

"Protean," Natsu explained, "Greninja's hidden ability. It changes the Pokémon's type to match that of whatever attack it's using, ensuring that the Pokémon always gets STAB bonus for its attacks."

"You…seem to know a lot about the video games," Shikaru remarked, "Maybe you can help us make some more progress?"

"…You guys promise not to be so mean this time?" Natsu asked, sounding unsure and mildly afraid.

"I'll hit them if they do it again," Haru offered.

"And here we go," Shikaru remarked with a knowing smirk, "The knight in shining armor rides in to defend the princess's honor!"

As the other boys shared a good-natured laugh at the expense of Haru and Natsu (" _I_ ' _d_ _much rather be a White Mage than a princess_ ," Natsu thought to herself), Harold and Inoichi were watching secretly from a bush a few yards away.

"Well, it looks like things are smoothing out," Harold remarked to Inoichi, "My grandnephew still has a shot at winning over a girl's affections, Lord Sixth's daughter is finally socializing with others in her own general age group, and Lord Sixth won't have our respective asses burned."

"I'm very fond of not having a burned ass, now that you mention it," the Yamanaka patriarch remarked. Turning to face his best friend, Inoichi said, "Would you call this a job well done?"

"Hells yeah, man," Harold agreed, high-fiving Inoichi.

END, CHAPTER FOUR

Author's notes

Sorry about having to take the chapter down briefly; I had to fix something. Also, I apologize for all of the video game references. Hopefully the next chapter will make up for it.

EDIT: I got chapter five done. You can expect it up sometime on 6-1-16.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself

Harold of Konoha

Chapter five: The Iwagakure investment (AKA sometimes seniors need a Mercy Kill if they're old enough)

One day in the village of Konohagakure, sometime close to noon or so, Shikamaru and his children, Shikaru and Inohime, had accompanied Inoichi Yamanaka (father-in-law to Shikamaru, grandfather to Shikaru and Inohime) to a newly opened garage. Inoichi's wife Michelle recently had her car taken care of here when its one window was smashed in a scheme that was carried out by a greedy man who had just recently been taken to jail (if you want to know why it took THIS long for the man to be taken to prison, just ask Inoichi and two of his friends, Harold Fisher and Tsume Inuzuka).

Inoichi himself also had one of his car's windows damage in the same event; in fact, his car was being taken care of at this garage. The garage was one of those businesses with many branches all over the place. "…And the total will come out to this," a young garage shop employee said to Inoichi, showing him the total cost on a calculator. The garage employee wore a uniform that resembled one that would be worn by a member of a pit crew. The garage employee also had medium-length light brown hair, very fair skin, and an…above average face.

Looking at the price, Inoichi remarked, "Hmm, that's a little pricier than what Honest Al would have charged, yet it's LOADS cheaper than what that rip-off artist Huge Hal was trying to fleece out of me. Overall, it seems fair."

"If you'd like, we can give your car's rear window a decal," the garage employee offered, gesturing for the Yamanaka patriarch to follow him. Inoichi, and his family members that came with him, were led to a computer in the garage; the employee opened a file and showed Inoichi various patterns for window decals.

"You're Michelle Yamanaka's husband, right?" the garage employee asked Inoichi.

"Why yes, yes I am," Inoichi replied somewhat smugly, "I've been married to that wonderful woman since before you were born."

"Heh, I would figure," the garage employee said with a slight laugh, "Well, Mrs. Yamanaka asked for the one decal of a family of stick figures. It's in the lower right corner of her car's rear window."

"Yeah, I remember Michelle saying something along the lines that she wanted something like that," Inoichi remarked, a look of remembrance on his face.

"Well here are a selection of window decals that are popular among men," the garage employee began, "There's the skull with flames coming out of the eye sockets, and there's also the Pitbull with the chain collar around its-"

"Ponies!" Inohime exclaimed suddenly, cutting the employee off as she pointed to something she saw on the computer screen.

"Oh yeah," the employee replied as he moved the mouse arrow over the appropriate file, "There's also some window decal designs of characters from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic'. They're surprisingly popular here in Konoha. Even more so at our branch over in Suna."

As the garage employee showed decal designs that resembled the various characters from that show, Inohime suddenly exclaimed excitedly, "Pinkie Pie! Pinkie Pie!"

"Oh, you mean this one?" the garage employee asked, moving the mouse arrow over a picture of the Pinkie Pie decal design.

"Grandpa, you should get Pinkie Pie on your car window!" Inohime suggested, "Pinkie Pie is really awesome!"

"Now Inohime," Shikamaru said, "Your grandfather isn't going to get a pony window decal just because you think it would be awesome."

"You father has a point, sweetie," Inoichi agreed in a firm tone, "I'm sorry, but I'm not getting a Pinkie Pie window decal."

"Aww," the young Nara girl replied, sounding totally disappointed.

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

Inoichi, Shikamaru and Shikamaru's kids were driving out of the garage, having finished their business. Shikaru, seated in the back seat behind the driver's seat, had his hand over his face in a gesture of shame mixed with confusion. Shikamaru, who sat in the front passenger seat, had his hand over his face in a likewise manner. Inohime, who sat in the back seat behind the front passenger seat, had her head turned so she could see the new window decal on her grandpa's car. The young Nara girl was giggling cutely.

Inoichi himself, who was driving, had a look of smug satisfaction on his face. Looking to his father-in-law, Shikamaru moaned in an exasperated tone, "I thought you said that you weren't going to get a pony window decal."

"Now Shikamaru," the Yamanaka patriarch replied, "If you will recall correctly, I said that I would not get a PINKIE PIE window decal." Inoichi pulled out of the garage parking lot and drove off down the road, revealing a decal of Fluttershy, with the phrase '#Fluttershyisbestpony' underneath, on the back window of his car.

* * *

The next afternoon, Shikamaru was talking to Sasuke and Naruto over at the Hokage office building. "…And that's how my day with my father-in-law went," Shikamaru said, having regaled Sasuke and Naruto with the tale.

"That's…really interesting," Sasuke remarked, looking confused and mildly disturbed.

As the men were going to continue their conversation, a Konoha shinobi of chunnin rank appeared in the office's doorway. He was a young man in his mid-twenties, physically fit with a lean yet muscular body, fairly tanned skin, and a bandana-style Konoha headband; because of it, it was hard to tell what his hair's color was, assuming he even had any hair. "Lord Sixth," the shinobi said to Naruto, "May I disturb you for a moment?"

"Hmm? What's up?" Naruto replied, gesturing for the young shinobi to enter the office.

"We just received a request for a mission," the young shinobi began, "You…aren't going to believe what they're asking for."

"Try me," Naruto challenged, "Given all of the shenanigans that Sasuke's uncle-in-law, Shikamaru's father-in-law and Kiba's mother gets into on the regular basis, I think my ability to be shocked has gone completely numb."

"The request is to assassinate the third Lord Tsuchikage," the young shinobi explained.

"…Huh, well what do you know?" Naruto replied in a mildly surprised tone, "Maybe I can still be shocked after all."

"Why in blazes would we even consider taking out one of the five great shadows?!" Shikamaru proclaimed incredulously, "Unless it's the twelfth Raikage, of course."

"How in the hell did they get up to twelve Raikage so quickly?" Sasuke remarked in a tone of amazement.

"Who is even asking us to carry out this assassination?" Naruto asked. Checking the info that he was given, the young shinobi said, "Hold on a minute, it's right in here…Aha! Here we go. The people requesting the assassination of the third Lord Tsuchikage are…Kurotsuchi and Akatsuchi."

"Wait a minute," Shikamaru interrupted, "Those two are Iwa shinobi loyal to the third Lord Tsuchikage. In fact, Kurotsuchi is the third Tsuchikage's granddaughter!"

"Just give me a chance to explain WHY I want that old coot knocked off!" a woman's voice called out, startling all present save for Naruto (he had sensed the new presence coming in). Suddenly, someone did a midair roll through the open doorway of Naruto's office; coming out of the roll and landing perfectly in a graceful pose was Kurotsuchi. She hadn't changed a bit in terms of appearance, unless one is willing to count her outfit, which consisted of a midriff-exposing tank top in Iwagakure red, short shorts, a pair of shinobi sandals and an Iwagakure headband.

"…Is there a reason WHY you want us to assassinate your grandfather?" Naruto asked.

"He's over a hundred years old, for crying out loud!" the young Iwa kunoichi explained in a mildly worried tone, "And his health has been shaky for the past few years. Taking care of him has been both a financial and emotional burden to the family."

"And if current news is correct," Sasuke added as he leaned against a wall, "He's also a burden to Iwagakure, as he refuses to step down as the Tsuchikage despite his age and health making his job near impossible."

"Exactly," the Iwa kunoichi agreed, pointing to Sasuke in a commending manner.

"Wait a minute," Shikamaru said suddenly, "Has your grandfather even appointed a successor yet?"

"No, and from the looks of things he never will do so," Kurotsuchi explained, "But me and a few other Iwa shinobi believe we can convince the Land of Earth's daimyo to pick our choice to take over as Tsuchikage."

"I seriously cannot believe that someone would want to have a member of their own family murdered," Naruto remarked, looking mildly aghast.

"Excuse us, Kurotsuchi," Shikamaru began, "But could you wait outside the office? Sasuke and I need to talk to our Hokage." Obeying the Nara man, Kurotsuchi walked out of the office, even closing the door behind her. Turning to face Naruto, Shikamaru said, "Naruto, dude, seriously. I think Konoha should take this mission."

"Care to explain why?" the Lord Sixth Hokage asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"As mentioned before, one of the reasons why Iwagakure is doing so badly is because the third Lord Tsuchikage is refusing to step down despite his age and health requiring it," Shikamaru pointed out to the Lord Sixth, "Additionally, the cost of providing the medical care to one so old, both financially and emotionally, has gotten rather steep for Kurotsuchi and her family."

"The financial crisis that Iwa is going through only worsens the financial stress for that woman and her family," Sasuke pointed out.

"Also," Shikamaru added, "As a side note, keep in mind that Iwagakure is sitting on some rather rich mines which their financial crisis has prevented them from being able to collect upon. If we do the assassination, and use doing that favor as a bridge to form an alliance between Konoha and Iwa, then we can send in what Iwa needs to gather the material from the mines. For a very sizable portion of the gatherings, of course."

"That material can be used to make weapons, armor, and tools that the Konoha shinobi and Suna shinobi currently off fighting against Kumogakure in the fifth shinobi war could really use," Sasuke stated, "We could also sell excess material for a profit."

"I see what you both are getting at," Naruto remarked, having considered everything he was advised about. Leaning back in his chair, Naruto said, "Well alright. We'll do the assassination. But what Konoha shinobi would be willing to carry it out?"

* * *

"…And so that's when the boys and I offered to do the job," Harold Fisher, jonin and Konoha's oldest active shinobi said to his adult niece, Sakura Uchiha, and Sakura's good friend Ino Nara. With Harold was 'the boys' as he referred to them as; Inoichi Yamanaka (who is the father of the aforementioned Ino), Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru.

"The four of you are going to go assassinate the third Tsuchikage," Ino remarked, sounding aghast.

"What are you all planning to do?" Sakura asked.

"Probably shock the old coot to death," Tsume remarked casually. After being given questioning looks by the two younger women, the Inuzuka matriarch explained, "That Tsuchikage dude is over a hundred frigg'en years old, for crying out loud! One good shocking event or whatever and his old man heart will go boom inside his chest." To emphasize her point, Tsume put the tips of all of her fingers together, forming a sort-of sphere with her hands, then made an explosion gesture by throwing her hands apart.

"So you plan to scare the third Lord Tsuchikage to death," Sakura stated, trying to get a grasp on the plan the three seniors have.

"Hey, this is technically supposed to be an assassination," Harold pointed out to his adult niece, "If we can do it the way we intend to, then it will be a very clean kill that will be very hard to trace back to us."

"That's…" Sakura began to say, but stopped short, thought about it a little, then continued, "…Actually a rather well thought-out plan. Not bad at all, Uncle Harold."

"So when will you guys be ready to leave?" Ino asked.

"Oh, probably after we do our 'A-Team' style profile montage," Inoichi answered casually to his adult daughter, taking a sip from his can of beer.

"'A-Team' style profile montage?" Ino asked incredulously, "The hell are you on about this...Oh no." The Nara (by marriage) woman face palmed when realized what her father and his friends were about to do.

* * *

Over at the Fisher residence, Harold slipped a bag on over his back and pecked Sophia, his beloved wife of many years, on the right cheek. "I'm going to miss you, dear," Harold said.

"When will you be back?" Sophia replied.

"After the boys and I assassinate the third Lord Tsuchikage," Harold replied casually.

"Well that sounds very- Wait, what?" Sophia said, changing her line of thought midsentence. But it was too late, as Harold took off from the front door with a leap, and hung in the air as his A-Team style profile showed up:

NAME: HAROLD FISHER

SPECIAL SKILL: INFINITE LAGER CHUG

SPECIAL ITEM: PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER 12 PACK

LIKES: HIS LOVED ONES, STUPID SHENANIGANS, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER

DISLIKES: EVERY TWEEN POP STAR, THE TWILIGHT SAGA, DONKEY KONG

* * *

Inoichi Yamanaka was packing his bag for the mission as his wife Michelle, their daughter Ino, Ino's husband Shikamaru, and Ino and Shikamaru's kids Shikaru and Inohime watched. "Only a complete and utter fool would seriously accept a mission to assassinate the leader of one of the five great villages," Shikamaru remarked, "So with that in mind, it shouldn't really come to me as a shock that you and your friends jumped at the opportunity to take this mission."

Just as he was finishing packing his bag, Inoichi felt a tugging on his right pants leg. Looking down, he saw his granddaughter Inohime who, upon having her grandfather's attention, held up a plushy of Fluttershy from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic'. It was about the same size as Inohime's Pinkie Pie plushy. "In case grandpa gets lonely," Inohime said, handing the Fluttershy plushy to her grandfather.

"Oh, thanks for reminding me to bring my pony plushy, sweetie," Inoichi replied, ruffling his granddaughter's hair.

"Wait," Ino said in a surprised tone, "That's your pony plushy? You own a pony plushy?!" Before Ino could get an answer out of him, Inoichi already ninja'd himself out of the house, pausing in midair as his A-Team style profile appeared:

NAME: INOICHI YAMANAKA

SPECIAL SKILL: FLYING GRANDPA KICK

SPECIAL ITEM: FLUTTERSHY PLUSHY

LIKES: HIS LOVED ONES, MLP: FIM, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER

DISLIKES: EVERY TWEEN POP STAR, THE TWILIGHT SAGA, POLITICAL DEBATES

* * *

Over at the Inuzuka clan compound, Tsume was packing a bag of things that she and Kuromaru would need for the mission. Watching Tsume was her adult son Kiba, Kiba's wife Sakaki, Kiba's son Bankai, and each of their respective ninja animals; Kiba's dog Akamaru, Sakaki's cat Mayamaru, and Bankai's dog Rojomaru. "You're really going to assassinate a village's leader," Sakaki said to her mother-in-law, sounding totally appalled.

"Hey, Iwa wants this, so who am I to judge?" the older Inuzuka woman replied.

"They really did request Konoha to assassinate the third Lord Tsuchikage, believe it or not," Kuromaru said in a tone of confirmation.

"Oh, Naruto told me about it," Kiba replied, his arms crossed over his chest, "Sakaki and I are still trying to get over the fact that Ma and her friends would so readily accept the mission."

"Because we're cool like that," Tsume replied, pausing as her A-Team style character profile showed up:

NAME: TSUME INUZUKA

SPECIAL SKILL: GRANDMA GRAPPLE

SPECIAL ITEM: NARUTO'S KUNAI

LIKES: HER LOVED ONES, DOGS, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER

DISLIKES: HER EX-HUSBAND, CATS, HER EX-HUSBAND'S CATS

"…Why are those profiles necessary?" Kuromaru questioned. Then he was paused himself as his own A-Team style character profile showed up:

NAME: KUROMARU

SPECIAL SKILL: ANGRY GROWL

SPECIAL ITEM: FAVORITE EYEPATCH

LIKES: PET TREATS, BELLY RUBS, PLAYING WITH CHILDERN

DISLIKES: LOUD NOISES, STUPID SHENANIGANS, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER

* * *

The village of Iwagakure gave off a cold atmosphere; most of the building were stone gray, as was the sky overhead. It was to this scene that Harold and company, along with Kurotsuchi, appeared in the village of Iwagakure. "Damn, this place is dreary!" Tsume exclaimed as she took a look around.

"I know, right?" Kurotsuchi agreed as she joined the older Inuzuka woman.

Looking up, Kuromaru said, "It looks like we're going to get some rain."

"Yeah," Kurotsuchi stated, "According to the weather reports, we're expecting a rainstorm later today. Eighty-two percent chance of lightning."

"I hate lightning," the Inuzuka ninja dog remarked, "Loud noises freak me out."

"Well given that you're a dog, that's no surprise at all," the Iwa kunoichi remarked, "Although I wasn't counting on you being able to talk."

"No one ever does," Kuromaru pointed out.

"So anywho, how do you Konoha folk plan to do in the old man?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"We plan to shock the old man to death," Inoichi explained, "We're counting on his age making it relatively easy."

"A few Iwagakure folks, myself included, have already tried that method," Kurotsuchi explained.

"Yeah, using IWA style shock methods," Harold pointed out as the group made their way to the Tsuchikage's residence, "This time, the boys and I are going to do things KONOHA style!"

* * *

The Tsuchikage's manor was located somewhere near the Tsuchikage's office building. Not as large as the Hyuga clan estate in Konoha, and less decorated than most residences in Suna, the Tsuchikage's manor was a testament to the financial struggling of Iwagakure as a whole. It was at this unadorned local where the third and (unfortunately) current Lord Tsuchikage, the (VERY) old Onoki, resided. He was currently staring blankly at a television screen, while seated on an ancient light tan leather recliner, the leather cracking in places here and there. The old lord third had no idea that he was being watched through a crack in the door by his adult granddaughter and the four Konoha shinobi she hired to assassinate him.

"Good GOD!" Tsume swore under her breath as she looked to Kurotsuchi, "Is that really the lord third Tsuchikage?!"

"Yeah, that there's my grandpa," Kurotsuchi remarked somewhat ashamedly.

"Now I see WHY you want him knocked off," Harold remarked, "Even his wrinkles have wrinkles!"

"My granddaughter would think that lord third Tsuchikage is a pug, given all those wrinkles," Inoichi casually remarked, "Hell, I'm half-tempted to make that assertion myself!"

"Well, aren't you all going to go in to try shocking him to death?" the young Iwa kunoichi asked, "That's what the village is paying you all to do."

"Let's try one at a time," Harold suggested, "You know, build up his stress until it finally takes him."

"Good idea," Tsume said to the Fisher patriarch, "I'm heading in first."

Entering the room, Tsume walked in front of the screen, causing Onoki to exclaim as loudly as a man his age could manage (which wasn't all that much), "Did the assistants replace my TV with one of those new-fangled 3-D contraptions?! My soaps look all wrong!"

Clearing her throat with an *ahem*, the Inuzuka matriarch said, "I am a lesbian."

"…Ehh?" the old lord third replied, either not understanding or not hearing.

A mildly annoyed look on her face, Tsume left the room saying, "I tried." Next to go after the older Inuzuka woman was her Yamanaka teammate and friend, who cleared his throat before speaking.

"I am a grown man who enjoys watching My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic," Inoichi declared.

"…Ehh?" replied the far older man in the room.

"Well damn," the Yamanaka patriarch muttered in an annoyed tone, leaving the room so that the next in line, Kuromaru, could have the next go.

"I am a talking dog," Kuromaru declared.

"…Are you my granddaughter?" Onoki asked in a confused manner; apparently, both vision AND sight (probably hearing too) were starting to fail on the old lord Third Tsuchikage.

"…Asshole," the bemused Inuzuka ninja dog muttered, getting up and trotting out of the room, leaving Harold as the last to go.

Taking the spot between the very old Onoki and the TV screen, Harold cleared his throat and said, "I am a lesbian."

"…Ehh?" replied the decrepit Iwa leader. Kuromaru came trotting back into the room, gestured for Harold to bend down, and began to whisper something into the man's left ear.

*whisper whisper whisper* "What do you mean I can't be a lesbian?" *whisper whisper whisper* "But Tsume told me that-" *whisper whisper whisper* "It's a WOMAN that's sexually attracted to women?" *nod nod nod* Getting up, the Fisher patriarch dusted his pants with his hands. "Well damn, there goes my plan," Harold said as he followed Kuromaru out of the room, sounding mildly disappointed.

* * *

In the next room over, Kurotsuchi was conversing with the team of Konoha shinobi. "Well, there goes the plan of telling very shocking lies to the old man in the hopes he'll be scared to death," Tsume remarked.

"Wait a minute," Inoichi said suddenly, a look of mild shock on his face, "We were supposed to lie?"

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me, dude," Harold replied to his best friend. Turning to look to Kuromaru, Harold said, "Kuromaru, dude, we were supposed to lie."

"Well I figured that seeing a talking dog would be shocking enough," the Inuzuka ninja dog explained.

Jerking a thumb to her canine companion, Tsume said to the other humans present, "He's got a point. I can't tell you how many times people freaked out upon Kuromaru speaking in their presence for the first time." With a slight snicker, Tsume added, "Choza's wife nearly fell out of the chair she was sitting in!"

"Well that explains the earthquake that day," Inoichi remarked, drawing a laugh from the humans present.

"Don't you all have some sort of plan B in case the shocking grandpa to death idea floundered out?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"Don't worry, young lady," the older Fisher man assured the younger Iwa kunoichi, "The boys and I all brought some gear with us." At that prompting, all four Konoha shinobi took out the special items that they brought with them and placed it on the table.

"Well let's see here," Kurotsuchi began as she looked at the items, "We got an eyepatch, a girly stuffed animal, a twelve-pack of beer, and a…" the Iwa kunoichi stopped short as she picked up the large kunai Tsume put on the table. It had a four-inch-long hilt (not counting the little metal ring at the end of the hilt), and an eight-inch-long double-sided blade, one of those sides being serrated. It was obviously made to be a melee weapon, not like other kunai which are thrown.

"Where in the hell did you get that from, dude?!" Harold asked his Inuzuka friend, sounding very much impressed.

"I swiped it from Lord Sixth's place when me, Kuromaru, my daughter-in-law and my daughter-in-law's stupid cat visited a short while back," Tsume explained casually, "I was thinking 'My God, that stupid cat has a point, Lord Sixth really DOES spoil that little girl of his too much! This kickass kunai would look MUCH better in my grandson's hands'!"

Looking at the special kunai's leather sheave, Kuromaru (he was wearing an extra eyepatch) said, "Uhh, Tsume, if this kunai was meant for Natsu, then why is 'Property of Naruto Uzumaki' engraved on the side of the sheave?"

Looking at the special engraving on the sheave, Tsume said, "Well frig. I've done frigged up here, haven't I?"

"Just promise me you'll return it when we're done here," Kuromaru said in an exasperated tone, "Hopefully, Lord Sixth won't be too pissed that you essentially robbed him."

"So what are we going to do now?" Harold asked everyone present, "Iwa-style shock methods won't work. Konoha-style shock methods won't work. What will?!"

Picking up the cool kunai she took from the Uzumaki residence, Tsume said, "I have an idea…"

"I thought that we were going to try for a CLEAN kill here," Kuromaru pointed out, "And what I know you're thinking about is the total opposite of a clean kill! Not only that, but you'll have to explain to Lord Sixth not only that you stole his special kunai, but that you used it to assassinate one of the five great shadows!"

Placing the special kunai back down on the table with the other items, Tsume said, "Fine. We'll save it as an absolute last resort."

Looking at the other items, Kurotsuchi said, "Maybe you can try to…no, grandpa listens to the words of his doctor like they're the gospel, so getting him to drink is out of the question…maybe the eyepatch can…no, not a very effective strangulation tool…maybe you can…beat him to…death with the…pony?"

"Kurotsuchi, young lady," Inoichi replied, "If plushies of ponies were effective enough bludgeons to beat someone to death with, my granddaughter would have had her own pony plushy taken away because her older brother would have been dead because of it."

Stretching, Harold said, "Alright, dudes. The shock method didn't work, and all of our items either won't be effective enough or can't be used to score the kill. What do we do now?" At that moment, a loud crash of thunder sounded from outside; Kuromaru yipped in fright and hid behind Tsume's legs for cover.

"Oh grow a pair, you," Tsume said in a dismissive tone to her canine companion.

"Just so you can get Hana to surgically remove them again?! HELL NO!" the Inuzuka ninja dog exclaimed.

A weak call from Onoki's room got Kurotsuchi's attention, making her leave the room with Harold and his friends so she could check on her grandfather. Returning a minute later, the Iwa kunoichi said, "My grandpa told me to ask the neighbors to keep it down. I tried explaining to him that it was the lightning from the rain storm, but he wouldn't hear any of it."

"Man, he must be older than I thought," Tsume remarked.

"I know, right?" Kurotsuchi replied, "He complained that the volume and suddenness of the loud noise nearly scared him to dea…" The Iwa kunoichi stopped midsentence as she had an idea. "…We've been going about this all wrong," Kurotsuchi said to the Konoha shinobi, "The shock method would work. We just haven't done the proper thing to shock my grandpa yet."

"So what IS the proper way to shock your grandpa?" asked the older Fisher man.

* * *

A few minutes later, Onoki was calmly watching his TV, sighing as a man of his significant age would. Weakly picking up the remote control that rested on the right arm of the ancient recliner, Onoki proceeded to flip through the channels. Suddenly, Tsume, Harold and Inoichi all came in, banging pots and pans together as loudly as possible as they sang the most shocking things they could respectively think of at the top of their lungs.

"Shooby doop dooby dop dobby doop dobby dah dah dooby op-"

"What is the malted liquor what gets you drunker quicker what comes in bottles or in cans-"

"Rainbow Dash always dresses in style-"

"AIEEEEE!" the old Lord Third Tsuchikage exclaimed in pain, falling off the recliner while clutching his upper torso. Hearing her grandfather cry out in pain, Kurotsuchi came running in to check up.

"Grandpa, you okay?!" the Iwa kunoichi asked worriedly.

"El Diablo! El Diablo!" Onoki exclaimed, struggling in vain to get up. Pointing dramatically at Inoichi, Onoki managed to cough out in exclamation, "He sings the words of El Diablo!" With that, the old Lord Third Tsuchikage passed out.

After medics arrived at the Tsuchikage's manor, Harold and the other Konoha shinobi were talking to Kurotsuchi outside. "…So? How was my acting?" the Iwa kunoichi asked.

"Pretty good, if I do say so myself," the Inuzuka ninja dog remarked, "Made me scared for a minute there that you forgot why you hired us."

"He thought what I was singing were the words of El Diablo," Inoichi said, "Personally, I don't blame him."

As the four Konoha shinobi and the one Iwa kunoichi talked, an Iwa medic came up to them. Due to his medic outfit, which consisted of a hood, long-sleeved scrub top and bottom in Iwa Red, the only part of him you could see was his face; fair-skinned, light brown eyebrows, and brown eyes.

"Who here is Kurotsuchi?" the medic asked.

"That would be him," Harold answered, pointing to Kuromaru.

"He said Kurotsuchi, not Kuromaru," the Inuzuka ninja dog said, muttering, "…Dumbass," at the end under his breath.

After Tsume pointed out the correct person, the medic said, "Miss Kurotsuchi, I'm very sorry to say this, but your grandfather is dead." Sighing in a knowing manner, Kurotsuchi asked, "How did he die?"

"We're thinking shock-induced trauma, but we want to run an autopsy," the medic explained, "I was there when he spoke his final words."

"Which were…?" the Iwa kunoichi asked, expecting the medic to fill her in.

"The late lord third Tsuchikage said," the medic replied, "And I'm quoting him on this one, 'The words of El Diablo have taken my soul'."

"I always KNEW that song was evil," Inoichi muttered to himself in a tone that made him sound like he felt justified.

* * *

A few days later, Harold and his group were standing in Naruto's office back in Konohagakure. The Lord Sixth Hokage was seated in his chair behind his desk, reading a report. "…It says here that you all banged pots and pans together while singing the loudest and or worst songs each of you three could think of as loudly as possible," Naruto pointed out.

"In all fairness, we were able to pin the blame on some loud kids who just so happened to be playing outside of the mansion at the time," Harold explained, "So technically, Iwa has no idea that Konoha's responsible for the death of its third Tsuchikage."

Leaning back in his chair, Naruto replied with a sigh, "Alright, you got me there. Technically, this mission was accomplished without a hitch, so good job you all."

"YES!" Inoichi exclaimed, thrusting both of his fists into the air.

"Oh Lord Sixth," Tsume said as she laid Naruto's kunai on his desk, "I believe you'll be wanting this back."

"I was wondering where that went," Naruto remarked as he picked up the special kunai, "Tenten cut me a deal on my new katana, so I was trying to find this thing so I can give it to Natsu for…Hold on a minute. Mrs. Inuzuka?"

"Yes, Lord Sixth?" the older Inuzuka woman replied.

"Where did you find this?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

"Uhh…" Tsume said nervously as she glanced from left to right, "…I plead the fifth?"

Sighing, the Sixth Hokage said, "Just forget it." Just as Naruto was about to dismiss Harold's group, the same young Konoha chunnin from before came in, carrying a small scroll.

"We just got a message from Iwagakure," the young chunnin said as he greeted Naruto.

"Alright, let's see it," Naruto replied, gesturing for the chunnin to enter.

The chunnin walked up to Naruto's desk and handed him the small scroll.

Unrolling it, Naruto read the contents. "Hey hey! Kurotsuchi became the fourth Tsuchikage!" Naruto remarked.

"Aww hells yeah!" Harold exclaimed, pumping a fist into the air.

Looking to the older ninja, Naruto said, "Well, whatever you guys did must have worked. Now with Kurotsuchi in charge of Iwagakure, Konoha and Suna can expect materials from them to make weapons and tools to help out in the war against Kumo."

"Those jokers are going down!" Inoichi declared confidently.

Leaning back in his chair slightly, Naruto replied, "Yes, well now I have to contact Suna to tell them about the upcoming support from Iwa. If you all don't mind…" Taking the cue, Harold and his friends left Naruto's office.

As they made their way out of the Hokage office building, Inoichi muttered to himself, "I should check to make sure that Inohime hasn't heard the words of El Diablo."

END, CHAPTER FIVE

Author's Notes:

That song IS pretty evil, if you think about it. Anywho, I decided to scrap the initial idea I had for chapter six's plot, as it involved an expy of a real life famous person, and I did NOT want to take that risk, even with the appropriate disclaimer. Hopefully you'll like the new plot that I come up with for chapter six. I should have it done within the next week or two.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself. Any resemblance of any property that may be in this story is exclusively done for parody.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter six: The Konoha lager festival (AKA Scare 'em straight-type lectures that kids go to can ruin an adult's buzz)

Harold Fisher had just met up with his friends, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru, for coffee at their usual morning hang out, a diner owned and operated by the Akimichi clan. Turning the front page of a newspaper over, the Fisher patriarch scanned the articles until one caught his eye.

"Hot damn!" Harold exclaimed, obviously excited over what he just found.

"What's up, Harold?" Tsume asked before lifting her mug of coffee up to take a sip from it.

"It says here that the fortieth annual Lager Fest will be held next week!" Harold explained, drawing excited looks from the two other humans in the group.

"Where will it be, though?" Inoichi asked as his excitement simmered down a bit, "Because Michelle and I are slated to watch the grandkids next week."

"Actually, it's going to be here in Konoha," Harold replied. Inoichi's expression suddenly perked up. "Yeah," Harold continued as he scanned the article again, "It was going to be held in Iwa, but the swearing in of fourth Tsuchikage Kuromaru-"

"Kurotsuchi," the Inuzuka ninja dog correct.

"-Will mess up being able to schedule Lager Fest in Iwa," Harold finished.

"So Lager fest will be here in Konoha…" Inoichi said, "…Next week."

"Yeah, dude," the older Fisher man replied to his best friend, "I'm just as excited as you." Harold looked up from his paper to see Inoichi was shaking with excitement, a very huge smile on his face. "Uhh, dude? You okay?" Harold asked, sounding mildly concerned.

"Hey Yamanaka," said Tsume as she gave Inoichi's right shoulder a shake, "Harold asked-"

"YAHOO!" Inoichi exclaimed excitedly and at the top of his lungs, jumping out of his seat with such force that Harold could have sworn that his best friend would have shot through the roof, or at the very least got his head stuck in the ceiling. Having jumped out, however, the Yamanaka patriarch landed out of the booth that he and his friends usually sat in at the diner (Inoichi was boxed in by Tsume) and ran outside.

Right after Inoichi ran outside, music began to play in the background, making Kuromaru raise his head and look around. "The hell is that?!" the Inuzuka ninja dog snapped.

"Oh, Inoichi is going to start singing his drinking song," Harold explained causally, "It's so powerful a song, that it has pied-piper levels of being able to summon others."

"Inoichi's drinking song?" the Inuzuka ninja dog replied, "The frig are you on abo- Oh frig me in the alps." Outside, you can see Inoichi walk down the street as he started singing;

'My name is Inoichi ('sup, dude!)

And I am here to say (Top kek, man!)

That drinking a mug of lager

Will brighten up your day

It don't matter what brand (free beer!)

Or the label's red or blue (hot damn!)

'Cause drinking a mug of lager

Is the right thing to do

'Cause I love to see you see you drink, drink, drink (oh hells yeah!)

Let's keep those mugs filled up all the while

Yes we should

'Cause all I really need's a drink, drink, drink

After I get off of work

...

I like to see that sparkle (epic!)

I love to see that sheen (sweetness!)

A cold frosty mug of lager

Will always be my dream (bro fist!)

But if you drink too much man

And you fall over and spew

I'll grab a towel and clean you up

To make you look as good as new

'Cause I love to see you chug, chug, chug (oh hells yeah)

Fill your gut with the goods in all those mugs

Just give that mug a big chug, chug, chug

And you'll get pretzels you lug

It's true nights can be dark and lonely

But there's nothing to fear

'Cause Inoichi will be there to

Buy you a big ol' mug of beer

There's one thing that raises my mood

With which I don't have to think

And that's chilling at the bar with my friends with a drink

I really am so wasted

This mug fills me with glee

I give a cheer I get a cheer

And that's really cool to me

'Cause I love to see you sip, sip, sip (oh hells yeah!)

Tell me how much you plan to leave as a tip

That's too much

It makes me happy when you sip, sip, sip

Yes it always makes my day

Come on everybody drink, drink, drink

Fill those mugs up with lager, lager

All I really need's a drink, drink, drink

After I get off of work

Come on everybody drink, drink, drink

Fill those mugs up with lager, lager

All I really need's a drink, drink, drink

After I get off of work

Yes the perfect thing for me

('Come on everybody drink, drink, drink')

Is a drink that's large and in charge

('Fill those mugs up with lager, lager All')

To make me happy as

('I really need's a drink, drink, drink')

Can be! Drink,

('After I get off of work')

Drink, drink, drink, drink

Come on and drink

Come on and drink!'

When Inoichi had finally finished his drinking song, he noticed that he was face-to-face with his son-in-law, Shikamaru. "Mr. Yamanaka, what the hell are you doing?" the Nara man asked.

"…Expressing my joy over the upcoming Lager Fest being held here in Konoha," Inoichi defended, looking mildly embarrassed.

Pointing to behind his father-in-law, Shikamaru asked, "And what the hell are all of those other villagers doing?"

A confused look on his face, Inoichi turned around to see that he had somehow got loads of Konoha villagers, civilians and shinobi alike, to join in on his drinking song, which to the Yamanaka man's shock took him across the village. Looking at the crowd, Shikamaru said, "Seriously, Mr. Yamanaka, I don't know what you were…What the-?! Naruto?! Is that you?! The hell are you doing?!"

As Shikamaru had exclaimed, the Sixth Hokage was indeed one of the villagers that Inoichi managed to get into his chorus. "I DON'T KNOW!" Naruto exclaimed, sounding worried and partly freaked out.

* * *

A few days later, there was a sort-of seminar over at the Leaf Village Academy. It was the kind of seminar where adults try to convince kids to refrain from drugs, alcohol and the like. Haru Uchiha had met up with his friends Shikaru Nara, Bankai Inuzuka, Choba Akimichi and Shibei Aburame. As the boys were talking, waiting for the lecture to start already, they were surprised to see Natsu Uzumaki join up with them. "Wait, I've never seen you at the academy before," Bankai said to the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl, "Are you even a student here?"

"No, but my mother thought that it would be a good idea for me to attend the seminar being held here today," Natsu explained.

"Why are they even bothering with this whole mess?" Shikaru asked the other kids, "I mean, we already know that drugs and alcohol and all of that other stuff is bad. Do the adults, both the ones running this thing and our parents, trust us in being able to make the right choices?"

Looking around the classroom they were in, which is where the seminar would take place, Haru observed the various cheesy anti-drug décor. "I'm going to say that the answer to your question would be a resounding no," the Uchiha boy replied to his Nara friend.

After a few seconds passed, two mid-twenties people, one man and one woman, entered the room, both of them wearing similar outfits (gender appropriate for each one, of course) consisting of brown shoes, socks (assumedly), pants/long skirt, and a black t-shirt with KADD in big bold white capital letters. The man and woman both had fair skin (the woman had freckles, though), the man had neat shoulder length light brown hair, and the woman had orange-red hair that reached the tips of her shoulder-blades.

"Hey kids, ready for a fun-filled day of discussing the dangers of drugs and alcohol?" the man asked Haru and the others.

The man's cheerful, peppy voice made Bankai mutter to himself, "Ah frig, these are going to be _those_ kind of folks, aren't they?" At that point, Haru and the others took seats around the classroom, where other kids in their age group had already taken their seats.

After Haru and the others had sat down somewhere, the woman of the pair asked, "Now before we begin, do any of you have any questions?"

"I do, actually," Natsu replied as she raised a hand, "What does KADD stand for?"

"Natsu, no! Don't ask-" Bankai exclaimed worriedly, but it was too late, given that the woman was set off by Natsu's question.

"I'm glad one of you asked that," the woman replied as she began to explain, "KADD stands for 'Kunoichi Against Drugs and Alcohol'. Your respective mothers, most of which are all shinobi, thought that it would be in all of your best interests to come to our little seminar today."

"Now let's start the presentation, shall we?" the man said, starting up a slideshow presentation that the kids would all be able to watch on the smartboard in the room.

The first slide said 'DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ARE BAD'. "First thing's first," the man began, "Drugs and alcohol are bad."

"We already know that," a random girl in the crowd of students said.

"Yeah, tell us something we don't know!" Bankai added.

"Well kids," the man continued, "What you all DON'T know is exactly HOW BAD drugs and alcohol are." At that, the woman had changed the presentation over to the next slide, which was a picture of a muscular man, one that is obviously in the military, with blonde hair combed up into a tall hair style. (1)

"This is a perfectly normal human being," the man explained, "And by perfectly normal, I mean one who has never in his life done any sort of drug or consumed any sort of alcohol. Now THIS is what will happen if he has just ONE beer, or smokes just ONE cigarette." At that cue, the woman switched to the next slide, which was a picture of a very overweight man with a long blonde ponytail, facial hair, and was wearing a yellow suit with some black. (2)

"Oh snap!" A random boy in the crowd of students exclaimed.

"Indeed," the man replied, "Drugs and alcohol are extremely dangerous. And not just to humans, either." At that, the woman changed to the next slide, which showed an idealized forest landscape. "This is a perfectly healthy, perfectly vibrant forest," the man explained, "Full of flowers and deer and bunnies and what have you. Now THIS is what will happen to the forest if you ever have one beer or do any sort of drug, even once."

At that cue, the woman changed to the next slide, which was a picture of a lumber company having torn down a very large percentage of a forest. "AHHHHHHH!" most of the kids in the crowd exclaimed, having been freaked out. The woman switched to the next slide, which showed a perfectly normal schoolboy.

"Now boys, this is what will happen to you if you do any drugs or drink any alcohol," the man explained. With that cue, the woman changed the presentation to the next slide, which was a picture of a hipster.

"AHHHHHHH!" all of the boys in the crowd of students screamed.

The woman changed the presentation to the next slide, which was a picture of a perfectly normal schoolgirl. "Girls, this is what will happen to YOU if you do any sort of drugs, or drink alcohol," the man continued, "Or even engage in any underage relations." The presentation changed to the next slide, which was a picture of a Belieber.

"EEEEEEEE!" all of the girls in the crowd of students screamed. Once again, the presentation switched to the next slide, which was a picture of an adorable black kitty.

"Who here likes cats?" the man asked. A few of the kids (one of which was Natsu) in the crowd all raised their hands. "Well that's good, since you'll have all the more reason to refrain from drugs and alcohol," the man explained, "Because for every beer you drink, and for every cigarette you smoke, a dozen cats will automatically die due to various causes." This shocked a lot of the kids in the crowd; Natsu even screamed in fear.

The presentation switched to the next slide, which was just the word 'END' in big bold white letters against a black background. "Now then," the man said, "Who here wants to drink alcohol or do drugs?" As all of the kids voiced that they would never do so as long as they all lived, the man said, "Wonderful! I'm glad to see that the newest generation will live long, happy lives! Now on your way out, feel free to pick up some free KADD swag, including t-shirts, bumper stickers, Frisbees, pencils, and keychains. Have a wonderful, drug-and-alcohol-free day, kids!"

* * *

Two days later, Harold and his friends were standing amongst a crowd of villagers that lined the streets, looking in the direction of Konoha's front entry gate. "Wait, I thought that Lager Fest wasn't until tomorrow," Tsume remarked to the men.

"True, the most glorious festival in all of existence doesn't start until tomorrow," Harold replied, "But that doesn't mean folks from outside of Konoha can't arrive early in order to be here for all of the epicness."

"Folks from outside of the village are coming to Konoha to take part in the Lager Fest festivities?" Kuromaru asked, sounding slightly surprised.

"It's already been confirmed that Lord Fifth Kazekage Gaara, along with his older brother Kankuro and a few other important Suna folks will be coming," Inoichi explained, "And rumor has it that a group of dignitaries from Iwa will be coming as well. Maybe we'll get to see our old pal Kurotsuchi, who is now the Fourth Lady Tsuchikage!"

"A shame that Iwa can't back Konoha and Suna with additional troops in the fifth shinobi war," Tsume remarked, "A three-on-one conflict between villages would have ended quickly."

Suddenly, the crowd of villagers started cheering loudly as a procession of cars entered the village. Each car had a small flag on the rear antenna, denoting those cars as belonging to Iwagakure. "Aha! Iwa IS taking part in Lager Fest!" Harold exclaimed excitedly. The cars all drove by, one by one; one car that drove past was just long enough to qualify as a limo.

"And that must by Lady Fourth's transport," Inoichi remarked to his friends.

After all of the Iwa cars drove in, cars from Suna started driving in, drawing even more cheers from the Konoha residents. "Hey Inoichi, you mentioned being friends with Lord fifth Kazekage's older brother," Kuromaru said as he turned to face the Yamanaka patriarch, "When will we see him and the Kazekage drive in?"

"Kankuro told me that we will know when he and Lord Fifth Kazekage will arrive," Inoichi explained with a grin, "They're using Kankuro's Hummer Limo."

"Hummer Limo?" the Inuzuka ninja dog repeated, "What the hell are they- Oh no. No no no no NO! Don't you dare tell me that Kankuro is-'' Kuromaru was cut off when vulgar rap music, most likely sung by a black artist if anyone was to guess, started blaring over a short distance away.

Suddenly, a white Hummer Limo drove into Konoha, a Suna flag affixed to its front antenna. Sitting on top of the Hummer Limo, via the ledge of a ceiling window that was all the way opened, was Kankuro himself, making motions with his arms like he was surfing. Aside from a lack of face makeup, Kankuro looked more or less the same as he did in his mid to late teens. "Aww yeah," Inoichi said in an excited manner, "Kankuro's here!"

"Great," Kuromaru muttered quietly to himself, "Just what I needed. Another one of _THEM._ "

* * *

After all of the vehicles were parked, everyone started getting out. Standing at the rear end of Kankuro's Hummer Limo was Gaara, the Fifth Lord Kazekage. He wore pretty much the same kind of outfit he had in his mid to late teens. The only noticeable difference in Gaara's appearance was his hair; Gaara had allowed his hair to grow long. It was longer than Naruto's hair, to say the least. Gaara essentially looked like a red haired Madara Uchiha, except that there was no hair obscuring his face.

Gaara had opened the rear door (allowing some random rap song from Kankuro's CD collection to blare out) of the Hummer Limo to collect his giant gourd of sand. As he slung it over his back, Gaara heard a familiar voice call out, "Gaara, glad you were able to come!" A small but sincere smile found its way onto the normally stoic face of the Kazekage, making him turn around as see his closest friend, Naruto, approach. With Naruto at that time was Shikamaru and Sasuke.

"I'm not one for consuming alcohol, but I figured that I'd come anyway," Gaara explained, "I heard that Iwa is starting to back Suna's and Konoha's efforts against Kumo in the fifth shinobi war. The fact that I saw Iwa cars drive into Konoha further backs that claim. Does this mean I can expect to see Iwa shinobi taking action?"

"No, they're still too low on manpower to send shinobi out to fight in a war," Sasuke explained to the Kazekage, "In fact, Naruto wanted to get together with you and the Fourth Tsuchikage to discuss-"

"The hell is that blaring garbage coming from your Hummer Limo?!" Shikamaru interrupted, unable to keep quiet about the vulgarity of the rap music.

"Oh, that's Kankuro's taste in music," Gaara explained quickly as he reached up to close the Hummer Limo's rear door, "My apologies for forgetting to close the door." Gaara then closed the rear door of the Hummer Limo, revealing a window decal of Rarity from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic' along with the phrase '#Rarityisbestpony' underneath, covering most of the rear window.

A confused look on his face, Shikamaru asked, "The hell is that?!"

"Kankuro's taste in window decal," Gaara explained.

"I bet Kankuro will get along swimmingly with Shikamaru's father-in-law, then," Naruto remarked. To his good friend from Suna, the Sixth Lord Hokage said, "Well then, Gaara. Let's go track down Kurotsuchi, hmm? We've got a lot to discuss, concerning Iwa backing Konoha and Suna with materials and supplies."

"Hey, I just had a thought," Gaara said as he and Naruto took their leave, "Will there be any non-alcoholic drinks served at this Lager Fest thing?"

* * *

Later, Harold and the others were walking along a street as they made their way to a local bar. With them was Kankuro, who was chatting amiably with the Konoha shinobi. "So the way I see it," Kankuro said to Inoichi, "Given how stubborn as hell Kumogakure is being, the fifth shinobi war is not going to end any time soon."

"Well what do you suggest Konoha and Suna do, then?" the Yamanaka patriarch replied.

"Konoha is working on those giant flying ships, right?" Kankuro asked. After Inoichi and the other older Konoha shinobi nodded in confirmation, Kankuro continued, "Well, Konoha should make some of those air ships capable of assaulting folks from the sky. Then we take those ships, fly them over Kumogakure, and drop no less than half-"

"Hey, Uncle Harold!" Haru called out, cutting the Suna shinobi of as he and the Konoha shinobi turned to see Haru and his friends come up to them.

"Hey Haru! What's shaking?" Harold greeted his grandnephew.

"I heard that there is going to be a drinking festival happening," Haru began in a concerned tone, "You aren't planning on going, are you?"

A mildly confused look on his face, the Fisher patriarch replied, "Well yeah. The boys and I were going to go." Gesturing to Kankuro, Harold added, "Inoichi's friend from Suna was even going to join us."

An alarmed look suddenly spread across Haru's face. "Uncle Harold, you and your friends can't go!" the young Uchiha exclaimed.

"Why the hell not?" Inoichi asked, looking rather confused.

"If you drink alcohol, you'll turn into a hipster," Shikaru explained, "And Bankai's grandma would turn into a Belieber."

"Where the frig did you hear that from?" Tsume exclaimed.

"The KADD seminar that we went to," Bankai said, "Alcohol will ruin everything forever if it's consumed!"

"It causes deforestation!" Shibei stated.

"For every beer that's consumed, a dozen cats will automatically DIE!" Natsu added. At that moment, Natsu suddenly caught something that was thrown at her; it was a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager. Suddenly, Haru and the other boys each caught a can of Pape Konoha's brand lager that was thrown at them. Looking to the adults, they figured out that it was Tsume who tossed them the lager.

"Drink up, kids!" Tsume exclaimed joyously as she herself popped open a can of Pape Konoha's brand lager, "This round's on me!" As Tsume began to chug down her lager, the kids all dropped their lager, screaming in a freaked out manner. Bankai even ran up to his grandmother, punched the can of lager out of her hand so that it flew up into the air, then Haru destroyed it by hitting it with a Fireball jitsu. "My lager! NOOOOOOOOO!" the older Inuzuka woman exclaimed, falling to her knees as she looked upwards and shouted towards the heavens.

"Boys, the hell?!" Harold remarked, shocked and a little mad.

"Do you WANT all of the forests of the world to be cut down?!" Haru retorted.

"Do you WANT to turn into a hipster?!" Shikaru added.

"Do you WANT lots and lots of adorable kitties to die?!" Natsu exclaimed, looking like she was on the verge of tears.

"That last one is a definite yes," Tsume replied weakly as she continued to mourn the loss of her lager.

"Kids, none of that stuff will happen," Inoichi explained, "Obviously whoever sold you that load of crap was full of that very same crap."

"Hey, do any of you have, like, a phone number with which those KADD folks can be contacted?" Kankuro asked.

"Yeah, it's on the bumper sticker that they gave me," Choba explained, pulling out a bag of stuff he got from the KADD seminar that he and the others went to. Fishing around in the bag, Choba pulled out the bumper sticker and handed it to Kankuro.

Carefully scanning the bumper sticker, Kankuro muttered, "Son of a bitch."

"Dude? What's up?" Inoichi asked.

Looking to the older Yamanaka man, Kankuro explained, "I've tangoed with these KADD jokers before. If they're allowed to have their way, then there won't BE a Lager Fest tomorrow."

"Oh snap!" Harold exclaimed, "No Lager Fest?!"

"Come on, I'll help you guys," Kankuro said as he led the older Konoha shinobi off to go deal with the folks from KADD.

* * *

In a warehouse somewhere in Konoha, a lot of mid-twenties people wearing similar outfits to the two KADD folk from the seminar were going about, carrying crates and talking about deals of some kind. Suddenly, a door was kicked down, causing one of the KADD women to look over and see what was going on. Upon seeing someone walk in, the KADD woman approached them and said, "Excuse me, but we're trying to-"

The woman never got to finish, because a reverse roundhouse kick struck her in the gut, sending her flying back into a few crates and smashing them. The other KADD members all looked with shock as Harold and his group, with the temporary addition of Kankuro, came walking into the warehouse. It was Tsume who roundhouse kicked the KADD woman. "All right y'all," Tsume called out in a very angry tone, "Your idiotic fear-mongering ends NOW."

"Don't you see we're trying to make people healthier?!" one KADD man said, "We're trying to save lives!"

"By using blatant lies to scare kids silly?!" Inoichi retorted.

"If that's what it takes, then yes!" one KADD woman (who was actually the same one from the seminar) exclaimed.

"Look y'all," Kuromaru began as he stepped forward, "I can see that you are all earnestly trying to keep kids away from drugs and alcohol. It's a commendable goal, if I'm being honest. But the way that you are all going about trying to get kids to abstain from drugs and alcohol is not only shameful, it's dumber than most of what Tsume, Harold and Inoichi have done. What should be done is to sit the kids down, calmly explain the dangers of drugs and alcohol, DO NOT BLOW THINGS OUT OF PROPORTION, and be kind and supportive."

Everything was quiet for a few seconds. Even Harold and his group were so impressed, they remained quiet; the only activity from any of them was Harold, who was nodding in approval. The silence was broken when one KADD man said, "Did that dog just talk?"

An annoyed look suddenly appearing across his face, the Inuzuka ninja dog said as he turned to leave, "You know what, frig it. I tried. Tsume, you and your friends can go ahead and do as y'all wish."

"Sweet!" the Inuzuka matriarch exclaimed as she and her companions turned their attention to the KADD members, evil smiles on all of their faces.

* * *

The next day, Harold and the others were at Lager Fest, which had started in full swing. Harold, Inoichi and Tsume had taken their respective grandsons (grandnephew in Harold's case) to a bar that was taking part in the event. Kankuro and Kuromaru were seated at another table, watching what was going on. Before the older ninjas started talking to the younger ninjas, a waitress came by with a tray holding three large glasses of soda and three large mugs of a most glorious golden liquid; each mug was topped with a cloud of foam.

"Now you see, boys," Harold began, taking a swig from his mug before he continued, "You know that drugs and alcohol can be *oh sweet heaven above that's good* bad. But there's a lot of factors involved here. More than what was covered in that little seminar y'all went to."

"That's right," Inoichi agreed, "There's a reason why there's a minimum age that everyone has to be at before they can have alcohol."

"So long as you are at the legal drinking age, and you only have a moderate amount of alcohol, and only on occasion, no harm will be done," Tsume continued, "As for drugs, it's only the illegal narcotics that pose any serious threat. There are also pharmaceutical drugs, such as aspirin and cold medicine, and so long as you take them only when you need them, and only in the recommended dosage, can actually prove beneficial to your health."

"There are even pharmaceutical drugs made specifically for dudes and dudettes in your age group," Harold added, "As well as age groups younger than yours. Haru, your mother should be able to tell you all about this."

"Yeah, she can," Haru replied, taking a sip of his soda.

"Wait, shouldn't Shibei, Choba and Natsu be filled in on this?" Shikaru asked.

"Don't worry," Inoichi assured his grandson, "Their respective grandfathers are taking care of that as we speak."

"So drink your sodas, boys," Harold said as he took another swig of his lager, "And if any of you want a refill, don't hesitate to ask!"

"I'll drink to that!" Tsume remarked, raising her mug in a toast.

Over at the table Kankuro and Kuromaru were seated at, the Suna shinobi and Inuzuka ninja dog watched what was going on. Turning to face Kankuro, Kuromaru said, "I really wish that Tsume and the others would be this responsible more often."

"Oh now you're just being a party pooper," Kankuro remarked, "And Inoichi told me what happened at that Nara clan party."

"Hey, it's not my fault Yoshino didn't let me out into the backyard in time!" the Inuzuka ninja defended.

END, CHAPTER SIX

Author's Notes:

(1) Guile from Street Fighter.

(2) Rufus from Street Fighter.

Fear mongering is one of the lowest forms of influencing others; even using it for noble goals such as getting kids to refrain from drugs and alcohol is a low move. Sitting a kid down and properly informing him or her of the dangers of drugs and alcohol is the proper way to go about things, if you ask me.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself. Any resemblance of any property/company that may be in this story is exclusively done for parody.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter seven: The blood-Toonbiico wars (AKA Massacring for MacGuffins)

Over in the village of Konohagakure, Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth and current Hokage, was finishing up a few pages of paperwork. Well, a shadow clone that Naruto made was filling out the paperwork; the real man himself (while not wearing a shirt) was using an exercise machine he had put in the office. Just because he was the Hokage didn't mean that Naruto was going to let himself fall into being little more than a pencil pusher like most of his predecessors; at the very least, he was going to try to keep himself in shape.

As (the real) Naruto finished his one-hundred and fiftieth rep, there was a knock at door. The doppelganger that was filling out the paperwork vanished, Naruto got off of his exercise machine, quickly threw on a shirt, and sat at his desk. All in under a second (those who claim Naruto to be 'a second yellow flash' weren't exactly exaggerating). "Come in," the sixth lord Hokage called out, and in response two businessmen walked into Naruto's office.

The two businessmen both wore business suits; the one on Naruto's left wore a light gray suit whereas the one on Naruto's right wore a traditional black business suit. Each businessman wore dress pants of the same color as their respective suit. Both wore black ties, black shoes, and both carried dark brown leather briefcases. Aside from the overall color of the suits worn by the businessmen, the one on Naruto's left was noticeably younger than the one on Naruto's right; whereas the right side businessman was in his mid to late fifties (by Naruto's estimation), the one on Naruto's left couldn't be any older than Naruto himself. The younger businessman had medium-long black hair, whereas the older businessman (who was balding) had graying brown hair; judging by how much luster it had, the older businessman took care of it very well.

"We are here to see the Lord Sixth Hokage," said the older businessman.

"That would be me," Naruto replied, "I was just finishing up some paperwork here." (" _Thank goodness for my shadow clones and the fact that we share memories and experience_ ," Naruto thought.)

"We are from the Playtendo corporation," the younger businessman explained, "And are here to inform you that the newest wave of Toonbiico figures will be launched in two weeks."

"You know what Toonbiicos are, yes?" asked the first businessman.

"Aren't they those little figurines that are used with that Toonbiico Toy Box game on the Playtendo PiiU?" Naruto replied, "Also, that's a very unfortunate name for your company's video game console."

"We are paying development through the nose to come up with a less silly name for the next console our company will release," the older business man explained, "But that is not why we are here."

"Our company has a mission that we would like Konoha to undertake," the younger businessman explained as he stepped forward. He laid his briefcase on Naruto's desk, popped it open, and turned it around so that Naruto could see what was inside. It was a selection of various figures that were to be used in conjunction with the aforementioned video game console.

"These are half of the Toonbiicos that make up the newest wave that will be released in two weeks," the younger businessman explained, "My partner has the other half of the wave in his briefcase."

"The mission that our company is requesting is that one of your village's shinobi playtest the newest wave of Toonbiico figures," the older businessman continued, pulling out a file and handing it to Naruto. Opening the file, Naruto saw that it was a few forms that were basically checklist of gameplay instances that they would like for the new Toonbiicos to be used in.

"So you want to make sure that these new toys function properly before they're sold to the general public," Naruto stated, as if he was trying to see if he got it right.

"That is correct, Lord Sixth Hokage," the older businessman replied.

Laying the form that he was handed down on his desk, Naruto said, "I've heard how seriously this whole 'Toonbiico' business is taken, so I don't really see any problem with what you guys are requesting."

"So will Konoha take up this mission?" the younger businessman asked.

"We will take it," Naruto answered, drawing light sighs of relief from the two businessmen. Getting up, Naruto walked over to a tall shelving unit in his office. "Before I can assign a Konoha shinobi to this mission, there are some forms that, as the clients, you will have to fill out," Naruto explained as he pulled a small blank scroll from the shelving unit.

* * *

Later that day, Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka, two of Konoha's oldest shinobi, were running at full speed over to the Uzumaki residence. "Are you sure the rumors are true?!" Harold asked his best friend as the two men ran.

"My son-in-law walked into Lord Sixth's office as the clients were filling out the paperwork," Inoichi explained, "A complete set of the newest wave of Toonbiicos is up for grabs!"

"You really think Lord Sixth will give us the mission?" Harold asked as the two men reached the base of the steps that led up to the Uzumaki residence.

Climbing up with Harold at his side, the Yamanaka patriarch said, "One can only hope, dude! One can only hope!" The two older men reached the front door of the Uzumaki residence, and after Inoichi knocked on the door, it was answered by Hinata Uzumaki, whose Byakugan eyes widened slightly in surprise to see the two older men.

"Oh, Mr. Fisher, Mr. Yamanaka," Hinata greeted, "Umm, Haru's over playing video games with Natsu, Mr. Fisher. I don't think Shikaru's coming over though, Mr. Yamanaka."

"We heard that your husband Lord Sixth has a mission from the good folks at Playtendo up for grabs," Inoichi explained, "Harold and I would like to undertake that mission."

"Oh, you mean the one about the Toonbiicos?" Hinata replied.

"It's the newest wave!" Harold nearly exclaimed in explanation, "There's finally Toonbiicos for Master Splinter and Optimus Prime and Cyborg!"

"And Fluttershy!" Inoichi added, barely able to restrain himself from exclaiming.

"Oh, umm, sorry to disappoint you two," Hinata began, "But Naruto already gave the mission to Natsu."

"WHAT?!" the two older men exclaimed, now unable to hold themselves back.

"Natsu collects Toonbiicos as well," Hinata explained, "She was really happy to get the Toonbiico for alpha mode Toothless earlier than she expected."

"Oh yeah, that's released in the newest set as well," Harold remarked.

"If you want, Natsu and Haru are inside play testing the Toonbiicos," Hinata explained, "Haru's helping Natsu with the multiplayer functionality the new figures have with Toonbiico Toy Box." Hinata barely stepped aside to let Harold and Inoichi in when the two older men practically stampeded their way inside.

In the living room of the Uzumaki residence, Harold and Inoichi saw that Harold's grandnephew Haru and Haru's friend Natsu were playing some story mode in their video game. "Oh, hey Uncle Harold," Haru greeted, "What's up?"

"You guys have the newest Toonbiicos!" Harold exclaimed.

Turning to face Natsu, Haru said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my Uncle Harold and Shikaru's grandpa Inoichi are both serious Toonbiico collectors."

"My father told me that Lord Fifth Kazekage's older brother Kankuro, who Shikaru's grandpa is friends with, is also a serious Toonbiico fanatic," Natsu added.

"I'm guessing that you were hoping to get this mission?" Haru asked his granduncle.

"It would have saved Team Lager two weeks of waiting," Harold replied in a sad tone.

"Team Lager?" Natsu repeated in a confused tone.

"My uncle Harold, Shikaru's grandpa, Bankai's grandma, and that Kankuro fellow that Shikaru's grandpa is friends with formed a professional gamer team that they named Team Lager," Haru explained, "They're very good at console gaming. I don't think they've ever lost to any other team before."

"Wow, I'd hate to see such skilled gamers as your granduncle and his friends dabble in my chosen field," Natsu remarked in an impressed tone.

"Will you be allowed to keep the Toonbiicos that you're play testing?" Inoichi asked.

"They're as good as the figures that will be launched in two weeks, so yes," Natsu explained, "The clients said that the Toonbiicos here are part of the mission reward."

"Natsu seriously got Raphael two weeks early!" Haru said in an impressed tone, "I seriously can't believe that- Oh crud! Natsu, our characters are caught in a TMNT-themed trap!"

Looking to the TV screen, the young Uzumaki/Hyuga girl said, "Oh no! We have to break out quickly!" Harold and Inoichi looked to the TV screen and saw that two characters, Raphael from the 2012 TMNT series and alpha mode Toothless from Dragons 2 were being forced to do the 'go ninja, go ninja, go' dance from the second live action TMNT movie from the 1980s.

"You kids were doing that instance?" Harold remarked, "And with new Toonbiicos?! They're probably too low a level to tackle that instance safely!"

"We played a few instances using one new Toonbiico with one of the older ones Natsu owns," Haru explained, "Which was one of the things Natsu had to test for the mission, by the way."

"It was kind of funny seeing 2012 Raphael doing an instance with Teen Titans Go Raven," Natsu commented. A few minutes passed, when Haru and Natsu finally completed the instance in their game, Harold and Inoichi took their leave. Walking away from the Uzumaki residence, Inoichi took out a cell phone and made a call.

"Kankuro, this is Inoichi," the older Yamanaka man began once the other end picked up, "We failed to secure the new Toonbiico mission." Harold watched as Inoichi listened to the response. "Well how were Harold and I suppose to know that Lord Sixth would give the mission to his daughter?" Inoichi said into his phone, "It looks like Team Lager will have to wait out the remaining two weeks to get the new Toonbiicos ourselves." After a few more seconds, Inoichi hung up, slipped the cell phone in his pocket, and turned to face Harold.

"Well Kankuro took it better than I expected," Inoichi said to his best friend, "Now how will be break the news to Tsume?"

"Well first off, we should stop off at the store and buy a twelve pack of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager," Harold began, "Tsume will need a drink, and so will we."

"Oh God, this is going to be the most painful two weeks in my life," Inoichi moaned in complaint.

* * *

(TWO WEEKS LATER)

Harold, Inoichi, Tsume, Kuromaru and Kankuro were all waiting outside of a large department-style toy store. Looking at the very vast crowd before them, Harold huffed, "We wouldn't be in this mess if Lord Sixth saved the mission for Team Lager."

"Even if our team got the mission, we'd still have to get additional Toonbiicos so that both our Konoha and Suna locales have a complete set of the newest wave," Kankuro pointed out, "The mission would have saved us a bit of money in spending on Toonbiicos."

"Wait a minute," Tsume began, "Some of the Toonbiicos are exclusive to the video game store, some are exclusive to the department store's video game section, and some are exclusive here. How will we get them all?"

"I have men at the two locations that we aren't covering," Kankuro explained, "That's one of the perks of being a member of the Kazekage's family."

"Woah dude, you must be loaded!" Harold remarked.

"Top kek!" Inoichi praised, giving Kankuro a double thumbs-up.

"So we only have to worry about the Toonbiicos exclusive here," Tsume said as she pulled a list from one of the pockets on her flask jacket. Unfolding the list, the Inuzuka matriarch said, "That would be Master Splinter from the 2012 TMNT series, Teen Titans Go Cyborg, alpha mode Toothless from Dragons 2, and that pony thing that Inoichi has a window decal of on the rear window of his car."

"Hey, it's not my fault that Fluttershy is best pony," Inoichi remarked.

"You mean Rarity," Kankuro corrected as he checked his wristwatch, "But that's beside the point. The point is that the store is going to open in five seconds from now."

"Five seconds?!" Harold exclaimed as he pointed dramatically at the front door of the toy store, "They honestly expect all of us to wait five frigg'en sec-"

Suddenly, the front doors of the toy store slid open, and an employee of the toy store came walking out. "Hi folks," the toy store employee greeted, "Sorry to make you all-"

"The store's open!" a random member of the crowd shouted, prompting the entire crowd of people waiting outside to rush in, stampeding over the employee.

* * *

Once everyone who waited outside the toy store got in, it was chaos. Pure, unadulterated chaos. Fists were flying, people stampeded over other people, and some folks even STABBED others with kunai (keep in mind that there were ninja in the crowd of customers). As all of this was going on, Harold and company struggled their way to the video game section of the toy store, where the Toonbiicos would be stocked at.

"Not five seconds after the bloody place opens," Kuromaru began in a tone of shock with a mix of mild disgust, "And already folks have literally KILLED to get those blasted toys!"

"Look on the bright side," Tsume said to her canine companion, "It's not Black Friday. Imagine what this all would look like if it _was_ Black Friday!"

"I heard that last year on Black Friday, Lord Sixth had to send no less than half a dozen team of shinobi to various stores around Konoha because folks from around the village were scared of doing the shopping themselves," Inoichi explained, "The villagers who hired those shinobi teams ended up having to pay B-rank mission fees at least."

"I went shopping on Black Friday last year in Suna," Kankuro added, "I had to kill no less than half a dozen mid-forties women JUST to get the gift I had in mind for Gaara. Two of those women turned out to be Suna shinobi."

"Capitalism at its finest," Kuromaru remarked in a sarcastic monotone. As Harold and his group reached the entrance area for the video game department, they were stopped by a somewhat disheveled-looking older woman who had three housecats in the basket of her cart.

"Yer not getting those new Toonbiicos before ME!" the older woman snapped at Harold and company.

"Oh snap! It's a crazy old cat lady!" Harold exclaimed, his eyes widening in fear.

"Don't worry boys," Tsume said as she and Kuromaru stepped forward, "We'll handle this."

"I'm only taking part in this to make sure no one gets killed," Kuromaru declared as Harold, Inoichi and Kankuro ran past the fight that was about to ensue.

"God speed, dog," Harold said to Kuromaru, shooting the Inuzuka ninja dog a salute before he and the other male humans disappeared into the crowd inside of the video game area.

* * *

Having just entered the video game area of the Toy Store, Harold, Inoichi and Kankuro were forced to run through an aisle containing mostly movie DVDs for safety; this put them on the far end of the video game area, the end opposite of where the Toonbiicos would be. "Crud! At this rate, we'll miss out on the new Toonbiicos!" Inoichi exclaimed, "We stampeded over that lower class single-parent family on welfare and food stamps for nothing!"

"Well we didn't want to end up like that family ourselves, do we?!" Harold replied as he, Inoichi and Kankuro pushed their way through the ever increasingly mad crowd of Toonbiico collectors. Just as they were about to exit the movie DVD aisle they were in, Harold and the boys were stopped by half a dozen identically dressed men wearing bandanas over the lower halves of their faces, sunglasses, and afros. The men proceeded to do a short river dance, ending with them turning around 360 degrees and delivering a collective stomp on the ground, a display obviously meant to intimidate Harold, Inoichi and Kankuro.

Leaning closer to Harold and Inoichi, Kankuro whispered, "Toonbiico releases bring out all the weirdos."

"I know, right?" the Fisher patriarch remarked.

"Don't worry, dudes," the Suna puppet master said to the older Konoha shinobi, "I got this one." Stepping forward towards the masked river dancers, Kankuro grabbed the front of his shirt, then in one swift motion, ripped off not only the shirt, but the rest of Kankuro's outfit as well, revealing another outfit that consisted of nothing more than a grass skirt and a beaded necklace that looked to be of tribal make. Kankuro also had pare of mere (1) tucked into the waste of the grass skirt.

Kankuro assumed a battle stance, and proceeded to dance while chanting at the river dancers, "Ka mate, ka mate! Ka ora ka ora! Ka mate, ka mate! Ka ora ka ora! Tenei te tangata puhuruhuru Nana nei I tiki mai whakawhiti te ra! A upane! Ka, upane! A upane, ka upane whiti te ra!" (2) Kankuro finished his dance by sticking his tongue out at the river dancers. Pulling both mere out from the waste of his grass skirt, Kankuro charged at the river dancers while shouting.

With Kankuro distracting the river dancers, Harold and Inoichi proceeded to run past the scene. "Kankuro is a better man than either of us, taking the fall for us like that," Inoichi remarked as he and Harold made their way further into the video game area of the toy store.

"Who knew that your buddy Kankuro was such a great dancer, by the way?" Harold remarked to his best friend.

* * *

Having escaped the DVD aisle of the video game area, Harold and Inoichi made their way into a somewhat open space in the video game area. "Look!" Harold exclaimed, pointing to a shelf amongst all of the fighting, "It's the new Toonbiicos! There's still Master Splinter Toonbiicos left! And ones for Cyborg! And Toothless!"

"And Fluttershy!" Inoichi added. The two older ninja proceeded to run for the shelf with the new Toonbiicos, but they stopped when something landed in front of the shelf.

It was a semi-leonine creature that was roughly the size of a Clydesdale. Its front half was eagle-like, its feathers a dark gray with the occasional white spot here and there. Its beak was a dark gray coal color, its eyes a piercing golden yellow, its legs a somewhat lighter shade of gray, and its talons jet black. The back half took the older Konoha shinobi by surprise; it was equine in nature, a very dark brown in coloration, with hooves the same color as the talons, and a light brown horse's tail. The creature unfolded its wings and held them aloft, as if it were intending to take flight. The creature gave Harold and Inoichi a piercing glare, then screeched in a very loud, intimidating manner.

Harold and Inoichi both screamed in fear, with Harold pointing at the creature. "Is that an eagle?!" the older Fisher man exclaimed.

"That's a frigg'en HIPPOGRIFF!" (3) Inoichi exclaimed, correcting his closest friend as the two men hugged each other without even thinking about it; they were that freaked out by the hippogriff. Letting go of Harold, Inoichi leaped forward at the hippogriff with one foot sticking out. "Flying Grandpa Kick!" the older Yamanaka man shouted, slamming the hippogriff in the side of its neck (somewhere at the base) and sending the creature stumbling backwards.

Turning to face his best friend, Inoichi said, "Harold, dude, go and grab two each of the newest Toonbiicos! I'll keep our feathered friend here busy!" Inoichi turned his attention back to the hippogriff, who shook its head, looked at Inoichi, and screeched in an angry tone. Doing the 'bring it on' gesture with both hands, Inoichi said to the hippogriff in a challenging manner, "Come and get some, birdbrain!"

As Inoichi tangoed with a magnificent creature of myth, Harold snuck past the fight to collect two each of the newest Toonbiicos (both locals for Team Lager needed its own copy of each Toonbiico, after all). " _God speed_ , _dude_ ," Harold thought somberly as he left Inoichi behind, a single tear managing to find its way down the Fisher patriarch's right cheek, " _God speed_."

* * *

Harold was alone now, running in a desperate attempt to reach the cash registers with the Toonbiicos that he and the rest of Team Lager worked and sacrificed so much for. Harold was not about to let their efforts be in vain; not Tsume and Kuromaru, who were left to fight the crazy cat lady, not Inoichi's brony friend from Suna, who took on the half a dozen river dancers alone, and especially not Inoichi himself, who was at this moment fighting myth itself. All of this had been done so that Harold and the rest of Team Lager could get the prize that they all came for. Just as Harold was about to reach the registers, a voice called out, "Not so fast!"

"Oh Goddamn it," Harold snapped angrily as he turned to see who had just called out, "What the hell is it this time?!"

"It is I, Gato!" the voice's owner called out. Suddenly, a somewhat older looking Gato stepped out, dressed as finely as he was back during the Land of Waves incident.

"You!" Harold exclaimed, "How are you alive?! You died back when my niece was twelve!"

"Oh, I'm not the original Gato, but a lab-grown CLONE of the original!" Gato explained as he was on the verge of maniacal laughter, "You see, the scientists from that lab that created me used a DNA sample of the original Gato to make me, so they could have me go out on new Toonbiico release dates to acquire the newly released Toonbiicos for them, while they remained safe!"

"That's insane!" Harold exclaimed.

"Oh, but the scientists did MORE than just use illegal experimentations to bring Gato back," the Gato clone continued, "They also gave me some... enhancements."

"Enhancements?" Harold repeated in a confused tone, "The hell are you on about, you crazy frigg'en clone?!" Suddenly, the Gato clone shouted skyward as his body surged with strength. Suddenly, the Gato clone not only grew at least two feet in height, but he also became incredibly muscular as well.

"Now you will see the true marvels of science!" the Gato clone proclaimed in a heavier sounding voice, pointing a finger at Harold.

"All of this," Harold retorted, "For the new Toonbiicos?!"

"Hey, at least today isn't Black Friday," the Gato clone replied in a casual tone with a shrug, "Imagine what the scientists who created me would have me do if it were Black Friday instead." With that, the Gato clone stalked towards Harold, each step so powerful that Harold could feel vibrations in the floor.

" _Well then_ …" Harold thought, "… _This is it_. _Sorry_ , _Team Lager_. _Look like we won_ ' _t_ -"

"Chidori! One thousand birds!

"Rasengan! Spiral chakra sphere!"

The calling out of attacks brought Harold out of his thoughts; Harold was further brought back to reality when he saw the Gato clone stumble back, having been attacked by Haru and Natsu; Haru's right hand was engulfed in a mass of electrical power, whereas Natsu held a tightly bound spinning sphere of energy in her right hand. Looking to where the thrown back Gato clone laid, there was a jab wound and a wound of tightly twisted skin on his stomach.

"Haru! Haru's little girlfriend!" Harold exclaimed happily as he ran forward to greet the kids, "You kids saved me!"

"Are you and the other older adults here to get new Toonbiicos?" Haru asked.

"Yeah, but Inoichi and the others were distracted by obstacles," Harold explained to his grandnephew, "I'm the only one who hasn't been caught up by a random encounter." Nodding to the Gato clone, who was struggling to get up, Harold added, "Not until now, though."

"Don't worry," Haru replied, "Natsu and I can take on…whatever that's supposed to be."

"Ask your mother about the Land of Waves incident when you get home," Harold said as he ran to the registers so he could pay for the Toonbiicos. After Harold left, Haru turned to face Natsu.

"Come on, Natsu! We got a big hulk-type bad guy to defeat!" Haru declared.

"I-err-dah-ehh-" Natsu stammered while blushing profusely, unable to properly form a sentence.

Over at the register, Harold walked up, laid all of the Toonbiicos that Team Lager was getting down on the counter, and said to the register clerk in a clearly exhausted tone, "I would like to buy all of these Toonbiicos, please."

"Customers can only buy one of each new Toonbiico," explained the register clerk, a stereotypical dorky teenage male. In response, Harold pulled out a card and showed it to the register clerk, who gasped in shock when he saw it.

"Team Lager?!" the register clerk exclaimed.

"We need one of each Toonbiico for our Konoha and Suna locales," Harold explained.

"I'll ring you up right away, sir," the register clerk replied as he proceeded to scan all of the Toonbiicos. Harold fell to his knees and, while looking at the ground, raised his right fist into the air, a gesture of ultimate triumph.

* * *

Later that evening, Harold and the rest of Team Lager were over at Inoichi's place, which is where the Toonbiicos for Team Lager were kept. Inoichi and Kankuro were currently playing Toonbiico Toy Box on the Playtendo PiiU, with Inoichi playing the Fluttershy Toonbiico for Team Lager's Konoha locale. Kankuro brought a carrying case with him from Suna, in which was a selection of six Toonbiicos from previous waves, all carefully nestled inside their own velvet-lined cubbies; Kankuro was using the Rarity Toonbiico from his carrying case. Aside from Inoichi with a few cuts and scrapes and Kankuro wearing only a grass skirt, they looked more or less the same as they did before they entered the toy store earlier that morning.

"Hey, isn't that the same instance Haru and his little girlfriend were playing when Lord Sixth gave them the mission for the Toonbiico play-testing?" Harold asked, "That one pony Toonbiico is too low a level!"

"Yeah yeah, I know that our Fluttershy Toonbiico is only level one," Inoichi replied, "But Kankuro's Rarity Toonbiico is level fifty, the max level, so we should be able to defeat the waves of foot ninja just fi-"

"Inoichi, dude, look!" Kankuro exclaimed worriedly, "Fluttershy and Rarity are trapped doing the 'go ninja, go ninja, go' dance!"

"Oh snap!" Inoichi replied when he saw what was going on, "We got to get them out!"

As Inoichi and Kankuro tried to break their characters out of the in-game trap ("Stop doing that dance, Rarity! It's not chic or magnifique!" Kankuro exclaimed), there was a knock at the door which Harold answered, revealing Naruto, Ino and Gaara.

"Gaara's looking for his brother, and Ino's looking for her dad," Naruto explained before Harold even had a chance to ask.

As the three stepped inside, Gaara saw his brother and went wide-eyed. "Kankuro! Where are your clothes?!" the fifth Kazekage exclaimed.

"I tore them off so I could perform my Haka war dance," the older Suna sibling explained casually, having paused the game that he and Inoichi were playing.

"Dad! Why are you so beat up?!" Ino exclaimed worriedly.

"I fought a hippogriff," the Yamanaka patriarch replied.

" _Haka war dance_?" Gaara thought in a confused tone.

" _The hell is a hippogriff_?" Ino thought, just as confused at her dad as Gaara was at his brother.

"The point is that Team Lager got two of each of the new Toonbiicos that were sold at the toy store today," Harold said to Ino, Gaara and Naruto.

"Oh, that reminds me," Gaara added, "Hey Kankuro, some of our men bought a lot of Toonbiicos and brought them back to the hotel we're staying at."

"Sweetness! We got the Toonbiicos that were sold at the other locations!" Kankuro said to the rest of Team Lager.

All of Team Lager pumped their fists into the air as they all gave a loud cheer of, "Woohoo!"

END, CHAPTER SEVEN

Author's notes

(1) A type of club used by Maori warriors.

(2) Part of the Ka mate Haka war chant. I had to look this up on the internet.

(3) The hippogriff's name is Feather Edge. He will appear in a future chapter.

Just imagine if such a sale really did take place on Black Friday. I'd be surprised if anyone was still alive afterwards.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter eight: The amazing (ly stupid) Spider-folk (AKA I need shout outs! Shout outs to Spider-Man!)

Haru Uchiha was walking through the village of Konohagakure one morning. The chunnin exams were coming up; as genin, Haru and his friends had a shot at going up in rank. That prospect had Haru's friends understandably nervous. That isn't to say that Haru himself isn't nervous; the young Uchiha boy was very much nervous indeed. But not for the same reason as Shikaru Nara and the other boys their age.

No, the reason for Haru's nervousness was the fact that Natsu Uzumaki, the girl that Haru's fallen for, had by chance saw him out walking, came up to him, and joined him on his stroll. Natsu herself was also a genin, and would be taking part in the upcoming chunnin exams. Given that Natsu's mother was a member of the main part of Konoha's famous Hyuga clan, and that Natsu's father was the sixth (and current) Hokage, villagers were betting that Natsu would get made a chunnin.

But Natsu was just as nervous, if not more so, than Haru himself, but the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl, unlike the Uchiha boy, was nervous over the upcoming chunnin exams. "M-my father's g-going to be watching the exams w-with visitors from other v-v-villages," Natsu barely was able to say, her nervousness making her stammer like a flustered school girl.

"Wait, I thought that due to the ongoing fifth shinobi war, all of the five great villages will hold separate chunnin exams for their respective shinobi," Haru replied.

"That's t-true," the nervous Uzumaki girl stammered, "But representatives from S-Suna and Iwa will b-b-be coming to watch the c-combat portion of the ex-ex-exams here in Ko-Ko-Konoha."

"Oh yeah," Haru remarked in a causal tone, "Iwa is now all buddy-buddy with Konoha and Suna. A darn shame that Iwa can't send troops to bolster Konoha's and Suna's forces against Kumo."

"The ma-materials that I-I-Iwa's sending to help Ko-Konoha and Suna t-t-troops is still a big h-h-help," Natsu was barely able to say in response.

A slight smile spreading across his face, Haru gave Natsu a single, gentle pat on her right shoulder. "Natsu, you're more nervous than my Grandpa Kizashi when he forgot my Grandma Mebuki's birthday last year," Haru said, "You have got to relax a little."

"But the ch-ch-chunnin exams are coming up!" Natsu exclaimed, "How can you n-not be so- hmm?" Haru's expression changed to reflect his sudden curiosity when Natsu stopped midsentence.

Following the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl's line of sight, Haru got his answer; a device of some kind was laying on the ground. It looked like some sort of capsule-firing device to be worn on the wrist/forearm. "What do we have here?" Haru said aloud as he walked up to the device, giving it a gentle nudge with his right foot.

"Haru, please don't touch it," Natsu said, all of her worry over the chunnin exams temporarily forgotten, "That thing could be dangerous."

"Then I will do what my Uncle Harold does when my mom asks him not to touch something because it's dangerous," Haru replied as he proceeded to look around for something. The Uchiha boy's eyes fell upon something that would serve his needs, laying against a pile of trash bags sitting beside a garbage can. Haru walked over to the trash and picked up a long rod that was laying on top of the bags of trash. Walking back over to the device laying on the ground, Haru said to Natsu, "I'll poke it with a stick!"

Experimentally, Haru began prodding the device on the ground with the rod he salvaged from the trash. "Haru, are you sure that's such a good-" Natsu began, but she was cut off when a small object randomly came shooting out of the device, hit a nearby wall, and ignited on impact, creating a small explosion with appropriate booming sound as a result. Both Uchiha and Uzumaki were instantly freaked out.

"Now I see why my mom tells my Uncle Harold not to poke things with sticks!" Haru exclaimed as he pointed at the device with the rod, "That thing's a threat to the village!"

"Let's turn it over to my father," Natsu suggested instantly, "He'll know what to do with it! He's the Hokage, after all."

"How are we going to carry that thing, though?" Haru replied as he pointed his rod at the device, "It's obviously too dangerous to carry by hand."

Natsu looked from the device on the ground, to the rod that Haru was holding, back to the device on the ground. A look of inspiration spread across Natsu's face. Taking off her orange-and-cream colored jacket (revealing a somewhat oversized t-shirt with the image of a Salamence on it), Natsu said, "I think I have an idea."

* * *

Later, Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth Lord Hokage, was walking through the village with two of his most trusted confidants/advisors/friends, Sasuke Uchiha and Shikamaru Nara. "Who could have gotten into the storage room where we were storing the Kote?" Naruto asked his two friends rhetorically.

"Actually, Naruto, it could have been anyone," Shikamaru replied, "Konohamaru was doing a field-test of the Kote, and when he returned it to the storage room, he forgot to lock up afterwards."

"Then that means that I'm going to have to have a talk with Konohamaru when I get back to the office building," Naruto said in a somewhat ominous tone, "The fact that-"

"Lord Sixth!" a random Konoha chunnin called out, landing in front of Naruto and the others, "I just saw your daughter and Sasuke Uchiha's son doing something…weird."

"Weird?" Naruto repeated, sounding confused.

"Well, Uchiha's son was carrying a very long metal rod, holding it out like he was using it as a fishing rod," the Konoha chunnin began, "At the end of the rod was your daughter's jacket, being used as a bundle to hold something."

"Wait, Haru was using Natsu's jacket as a bundle?" Sasuke said.

"They're just up ahead, if you want to speak to them yourselves," the Konoha chunnin explained, pointing the way.

"Thank you," Naruto replied to the chunnin. To Sasuke and Shikamaru, Naruto said, "Alright boys, let's what the kids are up to."

Naruto and the others ran a bit further down the street before they found Haru and Natsu; just as the Konoha chunnin explained, Haru was carrying a long rod with Natsu's jacket tied to the other end as a bundle to hold something. Both kids had mildly worried looks on their faces. "Hey kids, over here!" Naruto called out, getting Haru and Natsu to both look in his direction. The instant they saw the adults, two of which were their respective fathers, Haru and Natsu both sighed in relief, their shoulders dropping in a way that showed relief as well.

Naruto and the other adults walked up to the kids, with Shikamaru asking, "What are you two doing?"

"Natsu and I were out on a walk, talking to each other, when we came across something we found lying on the ground," Haru began, "It shot out something randomly, so we wrapped it up in Natsu's jacket, stuck it to the end of this rod, and were planning on turning it over to Lord Sixth and the other adults over at the Hokage office building, since we figured that they can handle whatever this thing is safely."

"But since you're here, father," Natsu said to Naruto, "We can just turn it over right now." At Natsu's prompting, Haru lowered the end of the rod with Natsu's jacket attached to the ground, carefully unwrapped it, then as soon as the jacket unfurled, revealing the device Haru and Natsu found, Haru jumped back at least a foot, a noticeably alarmed look on his face (the look on Natsu's face was just as alarmed). Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru, on the other hand, had looks of surprise when they saw what was wrapped in Natsu's jacket.

"It's the missing Kote!" Shikamaru exclaimed. A confused look replaced the alarmed look on Haru's and Natsu's respective faces.

"Father, what's a Kote?" Natsu said to Naruto.

"Is it fancy jargon talk for dangerous object that will kill you if given half a chance?" Haru suggested. Sighing in a tone that suggested he was trying not to chuckle, Naruto calmly picked up the Kote, returning alarmed looks to the faces of the two kids in the process.

"No kids," Naruto began to explain, "This device, which is called a Kote, is an experimental tool created by the boys in development. It can store mini scrolls that have jitsu sealed in them, and when you use the Kote, it will shoot one of those scrolls, allowing you to cast the jitsu that was sealed in the scroll that was fired off."

"Basically, it can let you use jitsus that you normally can't use," Shikamaru continued, "For example, it would let an Akimichi clan shinobi use one of the Nara clan's shadow-style techniques."

"Well the thing it shot off earlier exploded," Haru replied.

"Must have been one of the pre-stored fire-style techniques," Sasuke said to Naruto.

"Probably," the Lord Sixth replied. Turning his attention to Haru and Natsu, Naruto said, "You two said that you found this on the ground somewhere, right? Can you show me and the others where exactly?"

"Why?" Haru asked.

"This was actually stolen from a storage room in the Hokage office building earlier," Naruto explained, "Even though it's been recovered, we still need to do an investigation. And since the two of you found it, we'll need you to help a bit."

* * *

Later that day, Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru were in Naruto's office at the Hokage office building. Naruto was using a weight machine in the office to get a bit of a work-out, while Shikamaru was sitting on the front of Naruto's desk and Sasuke was simply standing in the middle of the room.

"So it's safe to say that neither Haru or Natsu couldn't have possibly taken the Kote," Sasuke stated, "Given that neither of them were seen anywhere near the Hokage office building within enough of a timeframe to possibly be suspects."

"Why do you think I punched that jonin who raised that possibility in the gut?" Naruto replied.

"You'd be surprised to hear how mad Ino will be when she hears that someone had the gall to suspect your daughter of having stolen the Kote," Shikamaru said to Naruto, "And Sakura as well. A lot of adults in the village have this apparent tendency to think of Natsu as the world's sweetest thing."

A smile spreading across his face, Naruto stopped using the weight machine and got up, saying to Shikamaru, "Why do you think I punched that jonin who raised that possibility in the gut?"

"By the way, something that my son said has me concerned," Sasuke interrupted, "He suggested that whoever tried to make off with the Kote may have intended to use it in the upcoming chunnin exams."

"Yeah, that would have been a major disappointment," Naruto remarked, "At least both Natsu and Haru won't even consider the idea, given that both of them are too freaked out by the Kote to go anywhere near it."

"I think that their experience with the Kote has the kids more freaked out than their experience with that know-nothing anti-drug and alcohol seminar they and their friends went to," Shikamaru said.

"Yeah, Sasuke and I," Naruto began, "Along with a few other adults, went to confront those KADD jokers. But when we found them in their warehouse, they were all brutally murdered."

"Wait, what?!" Shikamaru exclaimed.

"Anywho, the point is that we got the Kote back," Naruto said. Walking over to his desk to pick up a form that was previously laid there, Naruto continued, "And thanks to an anonymous tip, we've learned that the person who stole-"

"Lord Sixth!" a female Konoha chunnin called out, cutting Naruto off as she ran into the office.

"What is it?" Naruto asked.

"It's the Kote that's being kept in the storage room," the kunoichi explained, "It's been stolen again!" This news made Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru all exclaim angrily.

"Again?!" Naruto shouted, "Oh, for the love of all that is holy!"

"Wait, we placed video security in the storage room," Shikamaru said, "We should have an image of what the thief looks like this time!"

* * *

Later that evening, Sophia Fisher was watching a news story on the TV in the home that she and her devoted husband of many years, Harold Fisher, had shared. "And in local news," the news anchor said, "An experimental device that was being kept at an undisclosed location was stolen earlier this morning, but the device was recovered by Lord Naruto's eleven-year-old daughter and a twelve-year-old boy that was accompanying Lord Naruto's daughter at the time. Many of Konoha's villagers believe the boy in question to be Lord Naruto's daughter's boyfriend."

An image of Haru and Natsu was shown on screen as the latest sentence was spoken, causing Sophia to spit out the tea she was drinking in surprise. "Haru?!" Sophia exclaimed in shock, surprised to see her grandnephew on TV.

"However," the news anchor continued, "About an hour after the two kids recovered the device and turned it over, it was stolen again. Video footage of the room where the device was being kept has confirmed the new thieves as… Steven Universe, Rick Sanchez, and Fluttershy!"

Hearing such an odd collection of names made Sophia do a double-take. "Say what?" Sophia said quietly, her voice clearly showing her confusion. On the TV, the news anchor showed a short clip of the aforementioned footage, where it was quite obvious that it was really Harold, Tsume Inuzuka and Inoichi Yamanaka wearing masks of Steven Universe, Rick Sanchez and Fluttershy respectively. Sophia, as good of a woman as she is, totally believed that it was the real Steven Universe, Rick Sanchez and Fluttershy.

The news anchor, along with most of the other news staff, were just as oblivious as the older Fisher woman. "Apparently, the half-human half-crystal gem, the mid-eighties mad scientist, and the bearer of the element of kindness were caught on tape having broken into the storage room and taking the device," the news anchor continued, "Anyone with information leading to the apprehension of any of the suspects is urged to contact Konoha police right away. And now onto sports. Roger?" (1)

As the sports anchor proceeded to go over the results of a football game in Sunagakure, Harold walked through the front door, leading Tsume, Inoichi and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru inside. Tsume was carrying a black duffle bag, its strap slung over her right shoulder. "Hey Sophia, dear," Harold greeted his wife, "The boys and I are going to work on something in the garage."

"Okay dear," Sophia replied, "By the way, criminals broke into a private storage facility and stole something."

"It was probably some of those bastards from Kumo," Harold said in a dismissive tone as he led his group to the Fisher house's garage.

* * *

In the Fisher household's garage, Harold and the others gathered around a table in the center of the garage, where Tsume tossed her bag onto, unzipped it, and pulled out the Kote. "So this is the wrist-mounted device created by the boys in development," Harold remarked in an amazed tone as watched Tsume handle the device.

"This looks like one of those web shooters used by Peter Parker in the old Spider-Man comics," Tsume remarked, prodding a button with her right index finger. This resulted in Tsume putting too much pressure on the button, which caused the Kote to fire one of its pre-stored mini scrolls, which flew into a wall and melted into a puddle of water.

"Oh snap!" Inoichi exclaimed as he saw what happened, "Dudes, I just had the most awesome idea ever!"

"The last time you said that you triggered Hinata's severe peanut allergy, broke several fire hydrants off of the sidewalk via ramming them with an ice cream truck, and caused a multi-car collision in the village's uptown district," Kuromaru pointed out, "Are you SURE that you have a good idea this time, Inoichi?"

"Well how was I supposed to know that the ice cream sandwich that Harold, Tsume and I sold her was made in a factory that handled peanuts?" Inoichi defended.

"By the way, we still have to cover the cost for that ice cream truck we stole," Tsume added.

"So what's your cool idea, dude?" Harold asked.

"We take this thing," Inoichi began as he took the Kote from Tsume, "Modify it so that it only shoots webbing like those web shooters used by Spider-Man, then we can use this device to swing around like Spider-Man himself! Who doesn't like Spider-Man?"

"So long as it's not the one from those movies from the early 2000s, then I'm cool with the plan," Tsume replied.

"Holy frigg'en balls, dude," Harold said to his best friend, "That is the single greatest idea that I have ever heard in my life!"

"Holy frigg'en balls, Inoichi," Kuromaru said, "That is the single dumbest idea that I have ever heard in my entire life!"

Walking over to a tool rack on the one wall of the garage, Harold said as he grabbed a few tools, "Alright, boys! Let's get crackalack'en!"

* * *

Later the next day, a two-story building somewhere in Konoha's downtown area was on fire. A crowd of worried onlookers had gathered outside to watch firefighters struggle to put the flames out. "Oh my goodness!" a very plump Konoha kunoichi in her early to mid-thirties exclaimed as she pointed to one of the second floor windows, "There's a little girl stuck in the burning building!"

"Ahh! Help me!" the little girl screamed in fear, clinging to a teddy bear for dear life.

Suddenly, a string of webbing splotched onto a nearby powerline, and a costumed hero came swinging in, the hero landed on the ledge of the window the little girl could be seen from, broke the window, collected the little girl and her teddy bear, then swung down and landed on the ground safely. "The little girl's been rescued!" exclaimed one of the firefighters, "Hooray for… Wait, is that Spider-Man?!"

True, the little girl had been rescued by the spectacular Spider-Man; actually, it was Harold Fisher in a Spider-Man costume, using the Kote which had now been turned into a web shooter. A late twenties woman with long auburn hair came running up, picked the girl and her teddy bear up, and hugged her tightly. To the young woman, Harold said, "No need to thank me, good lady. It's all in a day's work for Spider-Man!" Using the Kote-turned-web shooter, Harold leapt up to the top of a power line, and swung away out of sight.

* * *

That evening, Harold and his friends walked into the bar they usually get a drink at. The attention of all of the patrons at the bar, which included Choza Akimichi and Shikaru Nara at this time, were turned to the TV mounted on the wall. "…And in today's news," the news anchor said, "The fire which burned a two-story apartment building in downtown Konoha today almost took the life of a young girl. But she was rescued by, of all people, the spectacular Spider-Man. Residents of Konoha had this to say about the web-slinger's sudden appearance."

An interviewer from the news station was talking to Haru Uchiha, who said to the microphone, "Why couldn't it have been Iron Man who rescued the little girl? Iron Man's WAY cooler."

A second interview, this one with Shikaru, was played, with the young Nara boy saying, "I think Hawkeye would have been perfect in performing the rescue."

A third interview, this one with Natsu Uzumaki, was played, with the young girl saying, "I'd have like to have seen Loki do the rescue, if I'm being honest. He's a good guy in some comics!"

A fourth interview, this with Shibei Aburame, was played. "Am I the only person in Konoha who actually LIKES Spider-Man?!" the young Aburame boy exclaimed in an annoyed tone.

In the bar, Shikaku asked the bartender to change the channel to some other news broadcast. When the new news channel started talking about the upcoming chunnin exams, Harold and the humans in his group sat down at the bar (Kuromaru sat on the floor next to the stool that Tsume occupied). "So boys," Harold said to Choza and Shikaku, "Looks liked Konoha has a superhero helping to save the day, huh?"

"Don't you think that a hero like Spider-Man is awfully outclassed in a place like Konoha," Shikaku began, "Given that, you know, at least one-sixth to one-fourth of the population is composed of ninja? Some of which are capable of throwing down with Orochimaru-level threats in one-on-one combat?"

"Personally, I would have loved to have seen The Thing rescue that little girl from the burning building," Choza remarked before taking a rather large swig from his mug of lager.

"But you've got to admit," Inoichi said to the other members of his generation's Ino-Shika-Cho trio, "Having a bona-fide superhero in the village has got to be pretty awesome."

"I'd have preferred The Hulk, personally," Shikaku replied, turning around to face Inoichi properly.

"Well we got Spider-Man, do deal with it," Tsume remarked in an annoyed tone as she signaled the bartender to come over so she can make an order.

* * *

The next day, Neji and Rock Lee were visiting Might Gai at his home. The three men were seated at a dining room table. Gai, aside from appearing slightly older, looked the same as he did back when his students were in their late teens. Additionally, in this time line, Gai was not handicapped due to injuries that he sustained during the fourth shinobi war. This allowed him to be as boisterous as ever.

"We got a bona-fide superhero in Konoha now!" Gai exclaimed at his two old students, pounding the table surface before him with his right fist.

"I have a feeling that this might be some crazy scheme cooked up by Mr. Fisher and his idiot friends," Neji remarked casually, "Although where they would get the things they need to make a web shooter is beyond me."

Pounding the table surface with his right fist again, Gai exclaimed, "I don't need speculations, I need pictures! Pictures of Spider-Man!"

"Why do you need pictures of Spider-Man?" Neji asked, "It's not like you run a tabloid paper or something."

"My daughter Tenlee is pretty good at writing fanfics," Rock Lee offered, "In fact, my wife Tensuki has saved every fanfic that Tenlee ever wrote."

"Then I want fanfics of Spider-Man!" Gai exclaimed, once again pounding the table surface with his fist.

After Rock Lee and Neji took their leave, Neji talked to Rock Lee about their meeting with their old teacher. "At least that conversation wasn't as nonsensical as the last one we had with Gai-sensei," Neji remarked.

"Yeah," Rock Lee admitted in a somber tone, "Even I have to admit that Gai-sensei isn't in as good a shape, both mentally and physically, as he once was."

" _Name one time where Gai_ - _sensei WAS in good shape mentally speaking_ ," Neji thought to himself.

* * *

The next day, Harold and his friends were hanging out at Inoichi's place in his den, playing pool. "…And that's when I had to explain to my granddaughter that Elsa and Pinkie Pie couldn't have helped in rescuing that girl from the fire," Inoichi said to his friends, "Especially Elsa. That fire would have made things seriously difficult for the queen of Arendelle."

"What about that one boy from that Frozen movie?" Tsume asked, "You know, the one who wears a white scarf, has fire powers, and is followed by a blue, flying talking cat."

"There's no such character as that in Frozen," Inoichi replied, "I should know, as I've seen that movie no less than twenty-seven times."

"Well little girl stuff aside," Harold said as he lined up to take a shot, "Thanks to us, Konoha now has a hero." After taking his shot, sinking a few pool balls as a result, Harold asked his friends, "By the way, I was Spider-Man last time. Who's going to take the next turn?"

"That would be Tsume," Inoichi informed his best friend, "Tsume, Kuromaru and I drew lots to see who would go next, and Tsume got the highest number."

"Two things," Kuromaru said to the humans, "One, why would you all have me draw lots for this? I'm a dog, so I can't possibly be Spider-Man. Second, Tsume can't technically be Spider-Man either."

"And why can't I be Spider-Man?" Tsume asked her ninja dog.

"Because you're a woman," the Inuzuka ninja dog pointed out, "Or have you actually forgotten that little tidbit?"

With a surprised look on her face, the Inuzuka matriarch said, "Oh. Oh yeah. Heh heh, I hang out with the guys so much that I sometimes forget I'm a woman." (2)

"I think there's a Spider-woman, so you can still play along with this blatant stupidity if you want," Kuromaru pointed out, silently cursing himself for unintentionally encouraging the stupidity of Tsume and her friends.

"Alrighty, then," Tsume declared in a confident tone as she pumped a fist into the air, "Time to introduce Konoha to its SECOND superhero!"

* * *

The next day, at around noon or so, a pair of escaped criminals from prison, both armed with hand-sized automatic crossbows, had stormed into a bank and demanded that everyone get down while the bank tellers fill their bags with all of the bank's money. "No one here better tries any funny business, ya hear?!" shouted the first armed robber, his right eye twitching slightly in a manner showing that he was a little on edge.

Suddenly, one of the windows were shattered as a costumed hero came bursting through. "Look, it's Spider-Man!" one of the hostages exclaimed, "He's come to…Wait, that's a woman dressed as Spider-Man!"

"I'm Spider-Woman, and I'm here to stop the bank robbery!" replied Spider-Woman (really Tsume Inuzuka in the Spider-Man costume).

The two armed robbers aimed their respective automatic crossbows at the costumed crime fighter (3), with the second one saying, "One move and we'll shoot!"

"My spider-sense is telling me that the you two are both full of it," Tsume replied in a causal tone, not at all feeling threatened by the two armed robbers who were just regular civilians; any competently trained genin fresh from having graduated the Leaf Village Ninja Academy could have very easily taken both armed robbers down without letting any of the hostages come to any sort of harm.

Suddenly, without warning, Tsume fired a few shots of webbing at the armed robbers, knocking the automatic crossbows out of their hands. Running up to them, Tsume proceeded to deal a few quick elbow jabs and punches, knocking both armed robbers out. "And that's how it's done," Tsume declared as she smacked her hands together, "All in a day's work for the one and only Spider-Woman!"

"Not so fast, costumed hero!" a male's voice called out.

Turning to face the direction the voice came from, Tsume saw that a third armed robber, who was using the bathroom up until now, was holding a knife to the throat of one of the hostages. This hostage just so happened to be Hinata Uzumaki. "You back off right now or else this pretty little lady here will paint the room red!" the armed robber threatened.

"Holy geez, how can a kunoichi of her level be so easily taken hostage by a group of armed robbers, none of which are even shinobi?!" Tsume exclaimed. (4)

"Just surrender and join the hostages so that me and my buds have leverage to use to get the bank's money and to get away with our crimes," the armed robber demanded.

"You do realize that you got Lord Sixth's wife there," Tsume pointed out, "Don't you?"

"I don't give a hoot about who I have held at did you just say that this is Lord Sixth's wife?" the armed robber said, changing his line of dialogue mid-sentence.

As an answer to his question, Naruto appeared behind the armed criminal, holding a kunai to the back of the armed robber's neck. "Let my wife go unharmed or else I will kill you," Naruto said to the armed robber, his voice both calm and cold. The only reason why the armed robber couldn't move a muscle in order to comply with Naruto was because he was terrified. This terror that had captured the criminal's very essence allowed Hinata to slip out of his grasp and run to the safety of the costumed hero as Naruto head-butted the armed robber in the back of his head, knocking the criminal out cold.

"Hinata, are you alright?" Naruto asked Hinata as he caught the unconscious criminal and gently lowered his body to the ground.

"I'm fine, dear," the Uzumaki matriarch replied with a nod, "Although this costumed hero took out the first two criminals."

Looking to the woman who was dressed up as a superhero, the Lord Sixth said, "I heard that Konoha had recently been host to Spider-Man. And now we have Spider-woman."

"We're working on Spider-Dog, but that's not going to happen anytime soon, I'm afraid," Tsume replied.

"Well I should thank you for- Wait a minute," Naruto said, stopping mid-sentence, "Spider-DOG?!"

"Well he doesn't think he can operate the web-shooter properly, given that he lacks opposable digits," Tsume explained. Naruto raised an eyebrow in curiosity, espeicially since the voice that he was hearing sounded familiar to him. Walking up to Tsume, Naruto grabbed the top of the mask and yanked it off, revealing Tsume as Spider-Woman.

"Mrs. Inuzuka?!" Naruto and Hinata exclaimed in unison.

"Oh now why did you have to go and unmask me for?" Tsume complained.

* * *

Over in Naruto's office in the Hokage office building later that day, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru were standing before Naruto's desk, at which Naruto was seated. Laying on Naruto's desk was the Kote-turned-web-shooter, which Naruto had confiscated from Tsume. "So let me get this straight," Naruto began, "The lot of you minus Kuromaru broke into the storage room here, stole the Kote, modified it into a web-shooter, and used it plus a Spider-Man costume to go around, pretending to be a superhero."

"In our defense," Harold replied, "Kuromaru would have been recognized if he was caught on camera, regardless of what mask he wore."

"We were considering giving him a mask of Dipper Pines to use," Tsume stated.

"And here Sakura thought the stuff I did back when I was twelve was stupid," Naruto muttered to himself in an exasperated tone.

"I assume that you'll be taking that thing back," Kuromaru said, "What did you call it now, a Kote?"

"Yes that's what it's called," Naruto answered, "And yes, I'll be taking it back. The boys in development will have to undo whatever you all did to it to turn it into a web-shooter."

"But, Spider-Man!" Harold exclaimed, looking worried.

Holding up a hand to cut off any further protest, Naruto said to the older shinobi, "To all of y'all's credit, I bet that the boys in development will want to try to replicate this web-shooter concept into a different invention. But for the time being, they'll want to restore the Kote to its original state. Now if you all would be so kind as to leave, I need to go over a few details about the upcoming chunnin exams with a few of my advisors."

After they left Naruto's office, Harold and the humans in his group were somewhat down in the dumps. "Great, there goes Konoha's first superhero," Harold remarked in a somber tone.

"With all due respect, an actual Spider-Man, or Spider-Woman, would have been woefully outclassed in a place like Konoha," Kuromaru pointed out, "It's little wonder why Spider-Man and his ilk are not all that popular here in the Hidden Leaf."

"Yeah, my grandnephew did say he liked Iron Man better," Harold said, "And Inoichi's grandson likes Hawkeye better."

"Doesn't Hiashi's granddaughter like Loki?" Inoichi asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Tsume replied, "And yeah, he's a good guy in some comics."

* * *

Over at Might Gai's place, Neji and Rock Lee were seated at Gai's dining room table with Gai himself. Handing Gai a small stack of photos, Neji said, "I was able to take some pictures of Spider-Man who, as I suspected, was really Mr. Fisher in a costume. There's also pictures of Spider-woman, who's actually just Mrs. Inuzuka."

"From what I heard, they took a device made by the boys in development, modified it into a web-shooter, and used it to do Spider-man style rescues," Rock Lee continued.

"So there really ISN'T a Spider-man," Gai remarked in a mildly disappointed tone. Putting the photos down, Gai said, "Well now I've got nothing to sell to the tabloids."

"If it makes you feel better, Gai-sensei," Rock Lee said as he pulled out a few sheets stapled together and handing the stapled sheets to Gai, "This is a Spider-Man fanfic my daughter wrote."

Gai took the fanfic, gave the title a quick look, then said, "Why would Tenlee ship Spider-man with Harry Potter?!" (5)

END, CHAPTER EIGHT

Author's notes

(1) The sports person on the Konoha news team, Roger, is named after a close friend of mine who, tragically, committed suicide a few years ago. As a tribute to Roger, I named a character in this story after him.

(2) This once led to a rather embarrassing incident when, as she was having a conversation with Harold and Inoichi, Tsume followed them into a men's restroom.

(3) The lack of the presence of guns in this world has led to the rise of a variety of crossbows. In fact, in his tenure as Hokage, Naruto has had to push for a few laws concerning the domestic ownership of crossbows.

(4) It always grinds my gears whenever a trained ninja is taken hostage/made helpless by a lowly criminal, especially one without any sort of combat training whatsoever.

(5) I wouldn't be surprised if this ends up getting made or already exists.

I was able to upload this chapter without any issue; odd, considering the blip of trouble i had last time. Maybe it was just a fluke.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter nine: The Four Dudes' Card Shop (AKA Ain't it a bitch when reality ensues?)

One day in the village of Konohagakure, Harold Fisher could be seen outside of a storefront. He was on his knees, as if he were about to pray at an altar, looking up into the sky with both of his hands raised up. "WHY, GOD?!" Harold screamed into the heavens in despair as tears rolled down both sides of his face, "WHY WOULD YOU TAKE HIM FROM US?!" Pounding the ground before him with his right fist, Harold added, "HE WAS YOUR MOST PRECIOUS CHILD!" It was at that moment that Harold's friends, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, along with Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru, came walking up to the older Fisher man.

Looking from Harold to the focus of Harold's skyward screaming then back to Harold again, Kuromaru said in an unamused monotone, "Harold, you're mourning the shutdown of a card shop."

"Not just any card shop, my canine companion," Tsume said as she looked at the sign over the doorway, making her realize the severity of the situation, "But the shutdown of Big-league cards." (1)

"A shop that specialized in sports cards and memorabilia," Inoichi continued, "They had some comics and games on the side, but it was mostly about sports cards, sports collectibles, and the like."

"The big football game between Suna and Kiri that was supposed to happen next week Saturday would have been played on the TV screen mounted on the wall," Harold explained as he tried to hold back his tears, "There would have been a big tailgate-style party, with grilling, snacks, and special raffles that gave away limited edition sports collectables."

Like Harold, Inoichi fell to his knees as well, looked up at the heavens and screamed, "WHY, GOD?! HE WAS YOUR MOST PRECIOUS CHILD! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!"

"Hey, what are you all doing?" a familiar voice called out to the older ninja, making them all turn their heads in the direction the voice came from. As such, they saw Kiba Inuzuka, Tsume's adult son, come walking up. With Kiba was his ninja dog Akamaru, who looked much older than Kuromaru, despite being much younger than his talking counterpart.

"They shut down Big-league cards, Kiba," Tsume said to her son as her eyes filled with tears, "Now there won't be a big tailgate-style party to have while watching the big football game between Suna and Kiri next week Saturday."

Looking up at the sign mounted over the doorway to the now defunct card shop, Kiba remarked in a tone of indifference towards the flight of his mother and her friends, "Oh yeah, I heard about this from Sasuke."

"Sasuke?! What does my nephew-in-law know about this?" Harold asked.

"He said that Naruto had the place shut down," Kiba began to explain as he turned his attention to the Fisher patriarch, "According to the official report, one of this card shop's frequent gamer customers, who's identified as 'Customer A' was kind of a stuck-up jerk to other gamer customers."

"Oh, he was one of those guys who came in for stuff such as Magic and Yugioh?" Inoichi replied.

Nodding in confirmation, Kiba continued, "Customer A was more or less allowed to get away with his jerkassery scot-free because he was a frequent spender who usually dropped a lot of money every purchase. A few days ago, one of the gamer customers who was frequently bullied by Customer A, this victim being identified in the official report as 'Customer B' complained to his/her parents about the way he/she was treated by Customer A. Apparently, whoever Customer B's dad is must be on very good terms with Naruto, because that's when any form of action was finally taken."

"What happened next?" Harold asked.

"Not only did Naruto have the place shut down, as you can so obviously see," Kiba responded, "But Naruto also had the card shop's owner, along with three of his employees, arrested on charges of criminal negligence. Additionally, Naruto also had Customer A arrested on charges of harassment."

"Can Lord Sixth actually do that?" Harold asked, looking mildly shocked.

"As it turned out," Kiba replied in a dry tone, "There was VERY sufficient cause to have Customer A arrested."

"Why did the report keep using terminology like 'Customer A' and 'Customer B', along with his/her and he/she?" Tsume asked.

"To protect the animosity of the people involved, obviously," Kuromaru suggested, "That being said, this is obviously an ongoing investigation."

Nodding in confirmation, Kiba added, "If actual names got out, the persons involved would be harassed by folks on both sides of the argument. Not to mention reporters wanting to get a scoop."

"Well I'm glad that decisive action was taken," Harold remarked, "But now where will the boys and I go to party and watch the big game next week Saturday?!"

"Oh yeah," Kiba said as he stroked his chin, a look of thought on his face, "You guys and Ma would go to Big-league cards for their sports parties. A shame that there isn't another card shop just like Big-league cards located in Konoha where you guys can go to in order to have your sports parties." It was then that Harold and the rest of his group all had looks of realization on their faces. But for differing reasons, of course.

"Kiba, my son, you are a genius!" Tsume exclaimed.

"Kiba, you fool, you are a dumbass!" Kuromaru exclaimed, "How could you give your mother and her friends an idea?!"

"Wait, what's going on now?" Kiba replied, looking confused and slightly worried.

"Since there isn't another card shop like Big-league cards here in Konoha, the boys and I will just open one ourselves!" Tsume explained.

"Wait, you and your friends are going to start a business?" Kiba asked.

"Hells yeah," Tsume replied as she laid a hand on her son's shoulder, "The boys and I hung out at Big-league cards so much, we knew inside and out how the place was run. We can take that knowledge to open up and run our OWN card shop!"

"With a tailgate-style party for the Suna-Kiri football game next week Saturday serving at the shop's first major event!" Harold added.

"Booya, dude!" Inoichi exclaimed as he did a double high-five with Harold.

"Well, if it does gamer stuff like Big-league cards did, then Bankai will be happy," Kiba remarked, "Because since Big-league cards was shut down, Bankai and his friends no longer have a place to go and play Yugioh."

"Hey, that's right," Tsume said, "Not only will the boys and I have our own business where we can have tailgate-style parties for sports events, but the kids will also have a place to come and play games! Everyone wins!"

"For how long, though?" Kuromaru remarked aloud, "For some reason, I feel as if this whole thing will have a bad ending."

* * *

After a few days spent looking for a good location, acquiring it, then cleaning it up, along with acquiring the proper store merchandise, a few tables and chairs, other various necessities, then setting everything up, Harold and his friends had finally achieved their goal of having their own card shop. The last step involved Harold and Inoichi hanging a sign over the doorway. "And there you have it," Harold declared once the sign was properly affixed, "The Four Dudes' Card Shop is officially open for business!"

Watching Harold and Inoichi set the sign over the doorway was Tsume and Kuromaru, along with Harold's adult niece Sakura, and Inoichi's adult daughter Ino. "Umm, question," Sakura declared, "Why did you call it 'The Four Dudes' Card Shop'?"

"Because it'll be run by me, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru," Harold explained to his niece in a tone suggesting that Harold thought it to be the most obvious thing in the world.

"Are you sure that this is a good idea?" Ino asked, "You do realize that running a card shop, or any business for that matter, is a huge responsibility."

"We can handle it," Harold insisted, "You can trust me, Ino. I'm a doctor."

"One, you are not a doctor," Ino began, "Two, how would you being a doctor automatically make me trust you?"

The three older ninja were silent for a few seconds, until Inoichi turned to Harold and said, "Wow, and here I thought that Kuromaru was a party pooper."

* * *

The next day, after having gotten all of the store's merchandise set up, Harold and his friends opened the card shop for its first official day of business. Almost instantly, they had a customer, who surprisingly turned out to be Kankuro, dressed as he normally would back in his mid to late teens, save for the fact that he lacked his usual face markings. "Kankuro!" Inoichi greeted when he looked up and saw his friend from the Sand walk in, "What brings you to Konoha?"

"I actually tagged along with Gaara when he came here to handle important business," Kankuro explained, "Gaara said that he owes Naruto a formal apology for something."

"Why does Gaara owe Lord Sixth an apology?" Tsume asked, looking up from the glass display case she was cleaning with a rag and some window cleaner.

"Apparently," Kankuro began to explain as he rubbed the back of his head in a manner that showed embarrassment, "Naruto's daughter saw me in my Maori Warrior outfit. Naruto caught wind of that and…"

"Oh, I see," Harold remarked.

Looking around the store, Kankuro said, "I thought that the local card shop was closed down for improper business practices."

"It was," Kuromaru explained, "But Tsume and her friends decided to open up a new one to takes its place. Apparently, they liked the old one that was shut down due to it carrying a lot of sports memorabilia and the like. They were planning on attending some tailgate-style party at the card shop so they could watch the upcoming Suna-Kiri football game on the TV screen that was mounted on the wall."

"Oh yeah! The big game!" Kankuro exclaimed, smacking his forehead with the palm of his right hand, "I can't believe I forgot about it!"

"I assume you'll be cheering for the home team?" Tsume asked Inoichi's Suna friend.

"Hells yeah," Kankuro replied by offering the older Inuzuka woman a fist bump, which was happily accepted. As Kankuro proceeded to ask Inoichi about the comics that the shop had in stock, someone entered through the front door, which got the adults' attention. However, it was just Harold's grandnephew, Haru Uchiha.

"Hey, Uncle Harold!" Haru greeted, waiving a 'hello' to his granduncle.

"Haru, my boy, glad to see you came in!" Harold replied, walking out from behind the counter to high five the Uchiha boy.

"Mom told me that you and your friends were opening a new card shop," Haru said as he cut to the chase, "Sorta like Big-league cards before Lord Sixth had that place shut down."

"It still bothers me that so great a place is lost forever," Harold remarked somberly as he wiped a tear from his eye.

"I was looking forward to the tournament this Saturday," Haru said as he pulled out a deck box from one pocket; it was a very durable plastic deck box that closed on the side rather than at the top.

"Oh yeah, you play Magic: The Gathering, don't you?" Harold replied.

"Yugioh," Haru corrected, "Although I think Natsu's cousin Hogato plays Magic. He's how old, seventeen?"

At that prompting, Harold walked back to Inoichi's side and pulled him down for a huddle. "Who the hell is Hogato?" Harold whispered to his best friend.

"He's the son of Hiashi's second-born daughter Hanabi," Inoichi whispered back in explanation, "What, Hiashi's second-born doesn't have a kid in the timeline that you, Tsume and Kuromaru remember?"

"I don't know, I never bothered to check," Harold whispered in response, adding a shrug at the end.

"Umm, Uncle Harold?" Haru called out, sounding mildly concerned.

Popping up from the huddle, Harold said, "Sorry, little man, but I had to go over something with one of my business associates. So then, what do you need?"

"I was wondering if you guys had any of the more recent Yugioh starter decks for Heroes," Haru explained, "I need some stuff from it."

"Building a deck?" Harold replied.

"I just need a few of the spell cards from it," Haru said, "And I can also use a third Dark Law."

"Oh yeah, don't you usually play with Shikaru and the other boys you two hang out with?" Inoichi asked.

"Usually, when we're not training or doing video games," Haru replied, "I'm the only one with more than one deck."

"How many you got?" Harold asked.

"Two," answered the young Uchiha boy, "Heroes and Heroics."

"Are…are those supposed to be different things?" Inoichi asked, "Because they both sound similar to me."

"Heroes mostly rely on fusion monsters, whereas Heroics mostly rely on XYZ monsters," Haru explained.

"You sure seem to like the ones that sound like they're loaded with good guys," Harold remarked.

"Well I AM going to one day be Konoha's greatest hero," Haru replied in a tone suggesting that he's stated this loads of times before.

"Well to answer your question, I have no idea what stuff we have for gaming, to be honest," Harold said to his grandnephew, "You can check over where we stock the gaming cards, though."

After the way was pointed out for him, Haru said, "Thanks, Uncle Harold." After Haru went over to the gaming side of the store, Kankuro cleared his throat.

"Oh dude, I am so sorry!" Inoichi said as he looked to his friend from Suna, "Harold's grandnephew showing up distracted us for a bit!"

"It's okay," Kankuro replied in an understanding tone, "After all, it's thanks to Haru and one of his friends that we were able to get the Toonbiicos for Splinter, Cyborg, Toothless and Fluttershy a short while back."

"Yeah," Harold remarked with a chuckle, "Haru and his little girlfriend Natsu."

With that statement, Kankuro's eyes widened a little. "Well now," Kankuro said softly, "Now I know where Naruto's daughter saw me in my Maori Warrior outfit."

* * *

A day or so later, Harold and the others were gearing up their card shop for the upcoming Saturday. As Harold and Inoichi debated which of their respective grills would be brought over to The Four Dudes' Card Shop, a group of kids consisting of Haru and the other ninja boys in his age bracket came in. "Hey grandpa," Shikaru called out, "Is it okay if my friends and I play Yugioh over at one of the tables?"

"No problem, little man," Inoichi said, holding out a fist like he was expecting a bro-fist from Shikaru.

Shikaru recognized this, and decided to punch the air in front of him while saying with a slight smirk, "Air bro-fist!"

"Dude! I never even thought of modifying the bro-fist like that!" Inoichi commended in a tone of amazement, "Awesome!"

As the boys went over to a table to play, Harold remarked to Inoichi, "Dude, your grandson is frigg'en brilliant. An air bro-fist! That is epic!"

"I know, right?" Inoichi replied, "Oh, that gives me an idea to teach Inohime how to air bro-hoof." The card shop's front door opened and a few older kids came in, but Harold and the others paid them no mind.

"Now then, what sort of condiments and toppings should we get for the burgers and hot dogs?" Tsume asked, "I was thinking mustard. Kuromaru, what about you? You think mustard is a good idea?"

"So long as I don't have any, I'm okay," Kuromaru replied, "In fact, how am I going to be given any of the food at this event? Will I just be handed a whole patty or hot dog, or will it be broken up into bits and put on a plate that will be placed in the ground?"

"What about drinks?" Harold asked, "Our respective kids, on in my case niece, will be coming, and they will all bring their respective kids. Most of the adults don't care for Pape Konoha's Brand Lager, and the kids are all too young."

"I was thinking sodas will suffice for them," Kuromaru said, "Maybe a few juice boxes in case Ino decides to bring Inohime. As for me, I'll be wanting water."

"Let's not forget about chips," Inoichi declared, "Maybe some baked beans and coleslaw."

"It this a tailgate-style party or a full out barbecue?" Harold asked, "Either way, I won't complain. Neither will Choza, now that I think about it."

After the older shinobi spent a few minutes discussing some of the details for the party, the older kids that walked in earlier left, talking and laughing amongst themselves. Kuromaru picked up on the tone of their laughing. "Sounds like those brats are laughing because they gave someone a hard time," the Inuzuka ninja dog remarked.

"Yeah, those were Kevin and his goons," Haru's voice called out, getting Kuromaru and the older ninja to turn to see Haru and Shikaru walk up.

"Are they friends of yours?" Inoichi asked.

"Hell no," Shikaru answered firmly, "They're all really stuck up guys who play Yugioh. They go from shop to shop to enter tournaments, beating the snot out of any opponent they face."

"Rumor has it that Kevin's closest friend Sean was arrested a short while back," Haru added, "Apparently, Sean harassed some girl, or something."

"They'll be back tomorrow for the Saturday Yugioh tournament," Shikaru stated, "And I'd bet my bottom ryo that Kevin will win." (2)

"We can just ban him from the store if you'd like," Inoichi offered to his grandson, "Keep in mind that my friends and I DO own the place."

"I was going to offer to kill the little pricks," Tsume stated.

"No and defiantly no," Shikaru replied, "That won't solve anything in the long run. Besides, it's not like they've done anything to warrant any actual action, like what Kevin's friend Sean apparently did."

"Well, whatever you all think is best," Harold said in an uncertain voice. After the kids left, Harold turned to face the others. "Man, why do older kids act like that? What the frig entitles them to it? Because I'd seriously like to know."

"I can always kill the little pricks," Tsume repeated.

"Inoichi's grandson has a point," Kuromaru replied to his owner, "That won't really solve the problem of those older kids running roughshod over the younger ones."

"Maybe those older kids just need a good ol' fashion serving of humble pie," Harold suggested, "And I saw something when I was over at Hiashi's place yesterday that MAY help with serving those older kids the servings of humble pie that they oh so desperately need."

"Am I going to like where this is going?" Kuromaru asked in an unsure tone, "Because from the sound of it, I'm not going to like it at all."

"I just need to be clear on something first," Harold replied, "The game that the kids play is you-gay-hoe, right?"

"It's pronounced 'Yugioh', and yes," Kuromaru corrected, "Why do you ask?"

* * *

The next day, The Four Dudes' Card Shop was starting to fill up with folks with all sorts of interest. There are the adults who came for the tailgate-style party being thrown while the big football game between Suna and Kiri is played on the TV screen, there are the kids who came in to play in the Yugioh tournament, and then there are the store owners and the respective families of the store owners.

"Where's Sasuke and Shikamaru?" Tsume asked as she took a can of cola out of a cooler and offered it to Harold's adult niece Sakura, who respectfully accepted it.

"They're helping Naruto with some business over at the Hokage office building," Sakura explained as she popped the can of cola open, "Hinata's here, so you can ask her for some more details."

"Oh yeah, didn't she bring that kid of hers along?" Tsume asked, popping open a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager that she fished out of the cooler for herself.

"Oh yeah," Sakura replied, "Hinata's daughter plays Magic: The Gathering, along with Haru and his friends."

"They play Yugioh," Hinata corrected as she walked up to join the conversation, "My nephew Hogato plays Magic, though."

"How old is that nephew of yours again, Hinata?" asked the Uchiha matriarch.

"He's seventeen," Hinata answered as she sat on a stool next to her friend. Shaking her head gently, Hinata continued, "Father was NOT pleased when he heard that Hanabi was pregnant. If I'm being honest here, I'm surprised that Father didn't try to kill Udon."

"Holy geez! That sister of yours must have gotten laid at a rather early age!" Tsume remarked to the Uzumaki matriarch in a tone of bewilderment.

Nodding in agreement, Hinata said, "That's part of the reason why Father wasn't happy to hear that Hanabi got pregnant." As the women talked, Kuromaru laying on the floor next to Tsume's stool all the while, Harold and Inoichi walked around the store to make sure everything was going smoothly. They stopped by the tables where the people who entered the Yugioh tournament were playing.

"So, your plan takes into account the fact that you once saw Hiashi's granddaughter checking the cards in a deck she had made while you were visiting Hiashi's place a while back," Inoichi whispered to Harold.

"Well hey," Harold defended, "If Hiashi's granddaughter can trounce Haru and his friends in video games, who's to say she can't do the same in Magic: The Gathering?"

"Yugioh," Inoichi corrected, "And I see what you're getting at. And given that she's more loaded than the average Konoha kid her age, I'm certain that Hiashi's granddaughter might have the stuff needed to put those stuck up little pricks in their place."

True enough, Natsu Uzumaki had in fact entered the Yugioh tournament, and was in fact dueling that Kevin kid. He was a few years older than Natsu, short black hair, a little round in the middle, wore a long-sleeved light-gray shirt under a red t-shirt, blue jeans, and black shoes. There were probably socks worn underneath the shoes, but there's no way for knowing for sure.

"I'll attack that zombie monster of yours with Red Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon," Kevin said, picking up his monster card and using it to point at a monster card that Natsu controlled.

"I'll chain the effect of my Shiranui Samurai, which I can activate during either player's turn," Natsu replied as she pointed out the monster that was being targeted for attack. Picking up the cards in her graveyard, Natsu said as she set a card from the graveyard aside, "I'll banish a zombie-type monster from my graveyard to boost Shiranui Samurai's attack by 600."

"That's still not enough to keep my dragon from killing your zombie," Kevin replied, his voice sounding a bit conceited.

Looking at her opponent, Natsu said, "The zombie-type monster I banished for my Shiranui Samurai's effect was Shiranui Spiritmaster, who has an effect that goes off when he's banished. I can target and destroy a face-up card you control." Sounding mildly unsure of herself, as if she was afraid of offending her opponent, Natsu said, "I, umm, choose to destroy Red Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon."

Eyes widening in surprise, Kevin said while sounding mildly shocked, "Well okay then. I guess you got me on that one. I'll set a card and end my turn."

Neither Harold nor Inoichi understood what in the blazes those two younger people were talking about, but judging by the surprised look on that Kevin kid's face, Hiashi's granddaughter must have completely foiled whatever he was trying to do. Leaning a little towards Inoichi, Harold whispered, "Told you she'd be an ace in the hole."

* * *

At the end of the day, Harold and company felt very much content. Their business was off to a very great start; they remember how Big-league cards used to have gaming card tournaments every Saturday or so, and the first one they held at their store went smoothly. As Harold had expected, Hiashi's granddaughter ended up winning the tournament, with only her round against Haru having any degree of difficulty for the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl. "Didn't I say that Hiashi's granddaughter would win the Magic tournament?" Harold said to his friends as they closed down the shop for the day.

"Yugioh," Kuromaru corrected, "And I have to admit that, for once, you were right."

"I have to admit," Tsume remarked, "That I expected the girl to use a bunch of cutesy critters in her deck. But zombies?"

"She said something along the lines of 'Shogunsaga looks a lot like Sesshomaru', or something like that," Inoichi explained.

"Ah, there we go," the Inuzuka matriarch replied, sounding suddenly understanding of everything. Just as Harold was about to lock up the store, he and the other older ninja heard some voices call out from behind them. Turning around, Harold and company saw Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru walk up.

"I was told that you guys have your own card shop now," Naruto began. Looking up at the sign above the doorway, Naruto added, "I see that what I was told is true."

"Rest assured that we keep a close eye out for any jerkassery," Harold replied to the Lord Sixth, "Especially considering that me, Inoichi's and Tsume's respective grandkids, or grandnephew in my case, come here to play Magic."

"Yugioh," Kuromaru corrected automatically, "Seriously, Harold. Why do you keep on making that mistake?"

"Naruto's daughter told us how you used her to show up some older kid that was giving the boys a hard time," Sasuke began.

"Oh yeah, the boys were adamant about wanting to handle their problem themselves, so we respected their decision," Inoichi explained.

"My offer to kill those little pricks still stands," Tsume pointed out in a helpful tone.

"That, uhh, won't be necessary, Mrs. Inuzuka," Shikamaru said, "But, uhh, thanks for having the boys' best interests in mind."

"Well hey now, what kind of grandmother would I be if I didn't look out for my grandson and his pals?" the older Inuzuka woman replied.

"So back to how you used my daughter to show up some bullies," Naruto said.

"Yeah, about that," Harold began to explain, "When I was over at Hiashi's place a few days ago, I saw that your kid was looking through a deck of Magic cards."

"Yugioh," Naruto corrected.

"Anywho, I figured that if your daughter can trounce my grandnephew and his friends in video games, then she could trounce the little pricks who give them a hard time in Magic," Harold continued.

"Yugioh," Sasuke corrected this time.

A look of mild concern on his face, Naruto said, "Well, I was just worried that Natsu was having a hard time here, given the last time she was being given a hard time at a card shop."

Looking up at the sign over the card shop's doorway, Sasuke said, "Hey Mr. Fisher, I hope that you and your friends did everything needed to acquire this store in order to open the card shop."

"Relax, Sasuke," Harold replied in an assuring tone, "The boys and I took care of everything."

"Like applying for a business license?" Shikamaru suggested.

"A business what now?" Inoichi said to his son-in-law, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

With a mildly concerned look appearing on his face, Shikamaru continued, "You guys DO have a business license for this card shop of yours, right?" "Why would we need one of those?" Harold asked.

"Because this card shop is supposed to be an actual legit business run by adults," Naruto explained, "Dealing with a regular stream of customers, handling shipments of new merchandise, paying bills, maybe even spending a bit on advertisement. It not like this place is a child's lemonade stand, which despite popular belief does NOT require a business license."

"Honestly, who seriously expects a kid to not only know about that stuff, but to have the money and wherewithal to go about getting one?" Shikamaru asked rhetorically, "Not to mention expecting the kid to make enough from their lemonade stand to not only cover the cost of getting a business license, but also cover the cost of cups, supplies, and so-forth, and STILL being able to make a profit."

"The idea of penalizing a kid's lemonade stand for 'not meeting food safety regulations' also pissed me off," Sasuke added, "I mean, most kids don't even know about that, not to mention the fact that most people who stop by a kid's lemonade stand don't even give a crap about that."

"But this card shop is an actual business, and as such, is supposed to have a business license," Naruto said to the older ninja, "And there is no excuse for the place not having one." The older ninja exchanged looks of concern with each other.

"I think we're in trouble, dudes," Harold said to his friends.

"I called it, didn't I?" Kuromaru said, "I so frigg'en called it."

"Oh, shut up, you," Tsume grumbled in an annoyed tone.

* * *

The next day, Harold and company stood outside of The Four Dudes' Card Shop, with Tsume affixing a 'closed forever' sign on the front door. "Why don't you guys just apply for a business license instead of closing up shop for good?" Kuromaru asked, "I mean, it's not like you all don't have the money for it."

"Remember the whole incident involving the ice cream truck a while back?" Inoichi pointed out, "Yeah, that's part of the reason why Harold, Tsume and I can no longer apply for a business license."

"Well boys," Harold said to his friends as they all gathered together to collectively look up at the sign over the now defunct card shop, "It was good while it lasted."

"At least we got to have the tailgate-style party to celebrate the big football game between Suna and Kiri," Tsume pointed out, "By the way, I had a feeling that Suna was going to win, but eighty-seven to four?! Kiri was totally annihilated by Suna!"

"I bet Kankuro will talk about it for the rest of the week, if not the rest of the month," Inoichi remarked casually as the four friends walked away from their dream.

END, CHAPTER NINE

Author's notes:

(1) This was a name that I made up randomly; if there is an actual business by this name, I apologize. I was not talking about you.

(2) A setting-appropriate variation of the phrase 'bet my bottom dollar'. Has the same meaning.

As someone who frequently goes to various card shops, I felt that a chapter centered around a card shop was inevitable. Also, you can guess how I feel about the various real-life instances where a kid's lemonade stand was shut down by the law for various reasons that the kid had no idea/control of/couldn't help.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter ten: The chunnin exams (AKA Harold and his friends are spanners in the work)

A large crowd gathered in an open field somewhere in the village of Konohagakure, to celebrate the launching of Konoha's first airship. Standing on a stage in front of the crowd was Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth and current Hokage, along with two men from the company who created the airship, and are currently in the process of making more. "Thank you all for coming," Naruto announced to the crowd, who started to cheer loudly. After gesturing for the crowd to lower the volume, Naruto announced, "Today, we of the village of Konohagakure celebrate the christening of _The Hanamaru_!" (1)

As the crowd started cheering even louder, Naruto saw a reporter trying to ask a question, so the Lord Sixth gestured for the crowd to calm down again. "You there," Naruto said as he pointed to the reporter trying to ask a question, "You have a question, I take it?" Naruto was trying to give this reporter a fair chance, but immediately regretted it when he saw that the reporter trying to get his attention was not an actual reporter, but rather Harold Fisher, Konoha's oldest active jonin (oldest active shinobi overall), doing something stupid as he usually does.

"Harold Fisher, BS Press," Harold replied as if he were an actual reporter from a news outlet, "I think that _The HindenHarold_ (2) would have been a MUCH more awesome name for the ship."

"Mr. Fisher, this is no place for you to start spewing random bits of your trademarked stupidity," Naruto replied in an exasperated tone. Seeing what he hoped was an actual reporter trying to ask a question, Naruto pointed to him and said, "Yes, what's your question?" The Lord Sixth would immediately regret giving that particular 'reporter' the chance, as he realized too late that it was not an actual reporter but rather Inoichi Yamanaka, a close friend of Harold's and one of the oldest active shinobi Konoha had, roughly the same age as Harold himself.

"Inoichi Yamanaka, BS Press," the Yamanaka patriarch replied, "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to agree with my fellow press-member here; _The HindenHarold_ sounds like a totally awesome name for a ship."

"Well it's called _The Hanamaru_ , and we're not changing the name," Naruto replied, his patience starting to wear thin.

"Where did you even come up with a name like _Hanamaru_?" Inoichi asked.

"When my family and I visited the shipyard where the airship was built," Naruto said, "The head shipwright took a friendly interest in the hand-held game my daughter Natsu played during the early lunch we all took. When he asked what the name of one of the little critters Natsu had was, she explained that it was called Bloominoko, but that she nicknamed the one she had Hanamaru. The head shipwright thought that Hanamaru was such a nice name that he ended up giving it to the airship."

A third hand went up somewhere in the crowd, so Naruto pointed to it and gestured for them to speak, hoping that it was a real reporter this time. No such luck, as it was actually Tsume Inuzuka, a friend of Harold's and Inoichi's; standing next to the older Inuzuka woman was her ninja dog Kuromaru, who was shaking his head in shame.

"Tsume Inuzuka, BS Press," Tsume replied when Naruto gestured for her to speak, "Let me get this straight. You named Konoha's first airship after a character on one of your daughter's video games?"

"I didn't name the ship, the head shipwright did," Naruto clarified, "I had no say in the matter, as I am not a member of the ship-building company."

"I think that the airship really should have been named _The HindenHarold_ ," Tsume remarked, "That sounds like one hell of a frigg'en cool ship name!"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Naruto muttered too quietly for any other person to hear, "And Sakura thinks the stuff I did when I was twelve was stupid."

* * *

A few days later, Haru Uchiha, along with Shikaru Nara, Bankai Inuzuka, Shibei Aburame, Choba Akimichi and Natsu Uzumaki, were all waiting in a classroom over at Konoha's local ninja academy. They were waiting for an academy instructor to show up to give them the rundown for the chunnin exams, which all six genin present were about to take. "Wow, there's quite a small number of participants, huh?" Shikaru remarked casually.

"Well this IS the chunnin exams," Shibei replied, "A chance to go up in rank. It's not to be taken lightly." A few seconds later, the door opened, and two men stepped into the classroom. The first of these men was Iruka Umino, the academy instructor that Haru and the others were waiting for; aside from looking older, he didn't change a bit. Iruka had a look of being better off in terms of finances than what an academy instructor, who are notoriously underpaid, normally should be. This is because Natsu Uzumaki, who was given private training and tutoring (explaining why she was never seen attending the Hidden Leaf Ninja Academy) had Iruka as a tutor, but for the basic skills any normal academy student would learn. Having Iruka be Natsu's tutor was the only thing Naruto had a say in in regards to Natsu's training and education; everything else was controlled by Hinata's iron fist.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei," Haru and the others greeted.

"Hello to you all as well," Iruka replied kindly to his old students (the boys attended the academy as normal).

After the primary greetings were out of the way, Natsu asked Iruka, "I heard that you had to take your cat to the vet. Is he okay?"

"Salem is doing very fine, thank you for asking," (3) Iruka replied, "I'm guessing your father mentioned it after the last time I spoke with him?"

"Mmm hmm," the Uzumaki girl replied, nodding in the affirmative.

"Yeah, nothing seriously wrong happened to him," Iruka added, "He just needed to be fixed."

"Hey, not to be rude or anything," Bankai interrupted, "But who's this joker you brought with you, Iruka-sensei?"

His expressing becoming slightly stern, Iruka replied, "Calling him a joker is being rude, Bankai."

"What?" Bankai said in a defensive tone, "My grandma always tells me that before I learn a stranger's real name, it's perfectly acceptable to call that stranger a joker."

"Well that would certainly explain a lot," Iruka remarked in a knowing tone, knowing full well the kind of woman that Bankai had for a grandmother.

Stepping forward, the mystery man introduced himself. He had brownish hair, wore blue-framed glasses, a white lab coat, and shinobi sandals. "Hello, children," the man greeted, "My name is Katasuke. I work in the development division of Konoha's labs."

"Oh, you're one of those 'boys from development' that my dad keeps bringing up," Haru said.

"Yes, that's one way to put it," Katasuke replied with a nod. To all of the genin present, Katasuke said, "Before you all begin the chunnin exams, there's something I'd like for all of you young genin to have."

"For the last time, no," Iruka said suddenly in a firm tone, the suddenness getting everyone's attention. "Naruto has expressly forbidden its use in the chunnin exams, as he said it defeats the purpose of the exams," Iruka said to the scientist, "Besides, I doubt that Haru and Natsu in particular wouldn't even go near those, given the bad experience they had the first time they saw one."

"Wait, what are we talking about?" Haru asked, suddenly interested in the conversation the instant he heard his name was mentioned.

"I am talking about this," Katasuke replied, pulling his right sleeve back to reveal that he wore a Kote, "This device will change the way the shinobi world-"

"Holy crap! It's another one of those vicious blood-thirsty murder machines!" Haru exclaimed, clearly freaked out. Looking around the room, Haru saw, ran to, and jumped through one of the windows, in order to get as far away from the Kote on Katasuke's right forearm as possible. The fact that the window Haru chose to jump through was closed did not hinder the young Uchiha at all. During the entirety of Haru's freak-out, Natsu started crying uncontrollably out of fear.

Shikaru, Bankai, Choba and Shibei all went wide-eyed at the respective freak-outs Haru and Natsu had, though the shades Shibei wore made it difficult to tell. "If seeing that thing made Haru and his dorky girlfriend freak the frig out," Bankai said as he pointed to the Kote on Katasuke's right arm, "Then I don't want any frigg'en part in it! Count me the frig out, man!"

As the other boys started to decline Katasuke's offer in their own unique ways, Iruka ran over to the window Haru jumped through. Looking out the window and seeing Haru sitting himself up on the ground, Iruka called out, "Haru! Are you okay?!"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Haru replied in a mildly disoriented tone, "It's a good thing I jumped through a window on the academy's first floor, huh?"

* * *

Later that evening, Harold and his friends all went to a local bar, where all of the older adults, along with their adult children, would be gathering to discuss the first portion of the chunnin exams that Konoha was holding for its genin (the villages are all doing their own chunnin exams for their own genin). Apparently, due to time constraints that Konoha and its allies, Suna and Iwa, are facing due to the ongoing fifth shinobi war, instead of first doing a paper exam portion, then a travel-through-the-forest-of-death portion, then an elimination-style combat tournament portion, Konoha's chunnin exam is only doing the elimination-style combat tournament portion this time around.

Entering the bar, Harold and company saw Shikaku Nara and Choza Akimichi sitting over at the counter, and went to join them. "Word up with thee, boys?" Inoichi greeted to his fellow Ino-Shika-Cho trio members.

"We're just waiting for the results for the first round of the chunnin exams," the older Nara man replied as he grabbed a small pretzel from the small dish between him and Choza.

Looking around the bar, Tsume said, "Wow, I figured that Shibi would show up, but Hiashi as well? I thought that places like this were 'too low brow' for Mr. Stuck-Up." Looking over a bit, Harold saw Hiashi and Shibi sharing a booth, having a gentlemanly talk with each other about what they hoped would result from the first round of the chunnin exams.

Looking back to the older Inuzuka woman, Harold said, "Well, Hiashi's granddaughter is taking part, so can you blame the man for showing up?"

After Choza ordered another mug of lager, Naruto entered the bar with Sasuke and Shikamaru. "Alright, everyone," Shikamaru called out, getting everyone to look at him and the others, "Now I know that all of you are quite eager to hear how the first round of the chunnin exams went. Given that all of you are either the parent, grandparent, or otherwise an adult relative to one of the genin participating, this is to be expected."

"So who won their fights?" Harold called out.

"Well the first fight ended up being between Shikaru and Choba," Sasuke explained, "The match ended in a double-surrender." As news of both the younger Nara AND the younger Akimichi surrendering to each other spread through the bar like a wildfire, it was met with whispering, some of which sounded annoyed with the result of the Shikaru-Choba fight.

"Why did they both surrender?" Shikaku asked, looking mildly annoyed.

"Shikaru and Choba were thoroughly exhausted by the time they both surrendered," Shikamaru explained, "They both said that due to how much they respected each other, they decided to give the mach their all. They both looked surprised when they both surrendered, though. I'm guesing that Shikaru wasn't counting on Choba surrendering, and Choba wasn't counting on Shikaru surrendering."

"Well ain't that just peachy," Shikaku said in an annoyed tone, turning to face his fellow Ino-Shika-Cho trio members. Shikaku was surprised to see both Inoichi and Choza struggling to keep themselves from crying.

"Oh, the manly beauty of true friendship burns brightly in those boys!" Choza declared, "They'll both grow up to be true men among men for sure!"

"I haven't seen friendship that strong since Shikamaru and Choji!" Inoichi added as tears started trickling down his face, "Friendship truly is magic!"

"Of course the other two had to be big softies about it," Shikaku muttered to himself, too quietly for anyone else to hear.

Managing to take her gaze away from the Inoichi/Choza sob fest, Tsume faced Naruto and the others and asked, "What about round two?"

"That was between Haru and Shibei," Naruto answered, "Haru ended up winning, mostly because most of Shibei's bugs were killed when they swarmed out to shield him from a fireball jitsu that Haru used."

"Aww hells yeah, my grandnephew won his first match!" Harold exclaimed triumphantly, pumping a fist into the air, "That's an extra 20,000 ryo in my pocket!"

"Hold on a minute," Sasuke interrupted in a mildly disgusted tone, "You bet money on the outcome of my son's match in the first round of the chunnin exams?!"

"Hey, ALL of us had money on at least one of the participants," Tsume explained, "That being said, I'm assuming that Bankai fought Lord Sixth's daughter, given Shikaru and Choba surrendered to each other, and Harold's grandnephew beat Shibi's grandson like a red-haired step-child who owed him money."

"…Uhh, yeah," Naruto replied slowly, unable to think of a proper reaction to Tsume's metaphor about Haru beating Shibei.

"I'm also assuming that Bankai kicked your daughter's ass, Lord Sixth," Tsume continued, "Sorry about that, but that's Inuzuka clan skill for you."

"Actually, Natsu defeated Bankai," Sasuke interrupted, drawing a surprised look from the older Inuzuka woman.

"Are you frigg'en kidding me?" Tsume snapped, "Bankai lost?! He should have beaten Lord Sixth's kid no problem!"

"I had 12,000 ryo on Bankai to win!" Shikaku exclaimed.

"Oh the two of you are both terrible!" Hiashi snapped angrily from over where he sat with Shibi, "I had every confidence in Natsu that she would win!"

"So round two, which will take place in a few days at the big stadium, will be between Haru and Natsu," Sasuke explained. Giving some of the older adult a knowing look, Sasuke added, "I'm going to guess that you all will be wanting to collect on some bets you may have won, as well as make bets on the upcoming fight." After Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru settled into the bar to talk with the other adults, Harold and his friends continued their conversation with Shikaku and Choza.

"Well there goes 12,000 ryo," Shikaku complained.

"What about any money you bet on your grandson to win?" Harold asked.

"Everyone who made a bet on the Shikaru-Choba fight either bet on Shikaru to win or on Choba to win," Shikaku explained, "Since neither of the boys won, no one lost any money on that fight."

"Well I'm pissed that my grandson got his butt handed to him," Tsume complained, "By a frigg'en cat-lover, no less! Oh, the humiliation!"

"Well thanks to Haru, I'm 20,000 ryo richer," Harold bragged, then as an afterthought added, "I should buy him something as thanks for helping me get that money."

"Wait until after the fight between Haru and Natsu in a few days," Inoichi suggested to his best friend, "It will be one of the biggest betting events of the year. There'll be fortunes made and lost on that day for sure!"

"A prodigy of the Uchiha clan going up against child who is both the offspring of a Hokage AND an heir to the Hyuga clan's main branch," Choza remarked, "You'd need one of those fancy high-tech machine crossbows to keep people away from seeing that fight!" (4)

Looking to Inoichi and Tsume, Harold said, "Well boys? Who are we going to place our bets on?"

"Haru, obviously," Tsume replied instantly, as if she didn't even have to think about it (not that Tsume, or Harold and Inoichi for that matter, ever thinks anyway).

"Natsu may have Hyuga-style techniques at her disposal, alongside any neat trick she may have picked up from her father Lord Sixth," Inoichi said, "But Haru is an Uchiha! Plus, I'm willing to bet that Haru's movepool consists of skills from both Sasuke AND Sakura."

"Yeah, I'm betting on Haru to win as well," Harold agreed, "Partly because he kicks ass, but mostly because he's my grandnephew. Also, he's LOADS cooler than Salad ever was."

"I'll drink to that!" Tsume agreed, raising her mug of lager in a toast before she took a long chug from it.

Inoichi, Shikaku and Choza all said in unison, "Who the hell is Salad?"

* * *

The next day, a large crowd had gathered in the stadium where the second round of the combat portion of the first chunnin exam that Naruto and his friends took place. The seats were nearly packed with spectators, many of whom were on the wealthier end of society. In a special booth were dignitaries usually sat were Naruto, Gaara, and Kurotsuchi, the Hokage, Kazekage and Tsuchikage respectively; Naruto and Gaara also brought along some relatives of theirs (Hinata and Kankuro), and each kage had some guards for them and their loved ones.

"So Naruto," Kankuro said, "Just so you know, I only wore that Maori Warrior outfit to intimidate river dancers that were trying to get new Toonbiicos before me, Inoichi and his Konoha friends. I did NOT mean to upset your kid the way I did."

"Why would you even do that in the first place?" Naruto asked.

"Toonbiicos are serious business," Kankuro explained, his expression becoming very stern.

In response, Naruto simply raised an eyebrow. He then turned to face Gaara and said, "Your brother is weird."

"Try living with him," the Kazekage replied.

"Yo Naruto," Kurotsuchi interjected, "Kankuro bringing up the subject of your kid reminds me. Your kid's actually competing in this fight, ain't she?"

"Yes, yes she is," Naruto replied, "I can't tell you how proud of her I am for her making it this far."

"She's that little blonde midget I saw next to you and your wife when the boys and I came into Konoha for the Lager Fest, right?" Kurotsuchi asked.

Leaning to whisper into Kurotsuchi's right ear, one of her guards said, "Miss Kurotsuchi, I believe that here in Konoha, referring to someone else's small child as a 'midget' is considered to be the height of rudeness."

"Well how the hell am I supposed to know that?" Kurotsuchi whispered back to the guard, "That older Konoha kunoichi I befriended calls kids midgets all the time."

Naruto having heard all of this whispering (he has really good hearing) leaned closer to Hinata and whispered to her, "I'm beginning to think that sending Mr. Fisher and his friends on important missions is not the best idea in the world."

* * *

Down in one of the entryways leading into the stadium, Haru and Natsu were both getting ready to head out for their match against each other. Turning to face his soon-to-be opponent, Haru said, "You better give it your all in our fight, Natsu. I'm not saying I want to lose, but I'm also not saying I want the win handed to me."

Nodding slightly, Natsu replied, "I was about to say the same thing, Haru."

"Hey kids!" a voice familiar to Haru and Natsu called out, getting the two of them to turn to see that Tsume and Kuromaru was walking up to them (it was Tsume who called out to them).

"Oh, Bankai's grandma," Haru said as he gave a small waive, "What's up?"

"I just wanted to wish the two of you good luck," Tsume replied, "Granted, I would have liked to see Bankai take part in this round, but I…*sniff* *sniff* Why do I smell cinnamon?"

"Oh, my mother and I stopped off at a cinnamon roll specialty shop earlier for a small breakfast," Natsu explained. Looking mildly embarrassed, Natsu added "Although admittedly, we both ate more than what would qualify as a 'small breakfast'."

Shrugging indifferently, Tsume pulled out two semi-transparent water bottles; one was blue and the other was pink. "You kids should be properly hydrated before the match," said the older Inuzuka woman, tossing the blue water bottle to Haru and the pink one to Natsu.

"Thanks, Bankai's grandma," Haru replied as he and Natsu both chugged down all of the water in their respective bottles.

"Yes, thank you for the water," Natsu said as she and Haru handed their now empty bottles back to Tsume, "That actually helped to get rid of the cinnamon-and-icing taste in my mouth."

"Well then," Tsume replied, "You two go knock each other's socks off, alright?"

A slightly awkward silence lasted a few seconds after Tsume finished talking; Haru broke it by saying, "No one here is wearing socks."

" _Even Harold understands the meaning of that figure of speech_ ," Kuromaru thought, " _What is wrong with kids these days_?"

* * *

A few minutes later, Tsume and Kuromaru joined up with Harold and Inoichi up in the bleachers in the stadium. "Where were you, dude?" Harold said the Inuzuka matriarch as she and Kuromaru took their seats.

"I was just giving the kids a bit of a pep talk," Tsume explained, "Told them to give it their all, and to not hold back just because they're an item. That's all."

"Tsume was also kind enough to give Haru and Natsu water bottles to drink from before their fight started," Kuromaru added, "Natsu said that it had the benefit of clearing the taste of cinnamon and icing from her mouth."

"Cinnamon and icing?" Inoichi repeated, sounding slightly confused.

"Natsu and Lord Sixth's wife went to a cinnamon roll specialty shop prior to their arrival here," Tsume explained.

"Oh yeah," Harold remarked in a casual tone, "Hiashi says that Hinata and Natsu both have a liking for cinnamon rolls."

"Thanks to their relation to Lord Sixth, the cinnamon roll specialty shop has seen a substantial boost in customers," Inoichi added.

Down in the arena of the stadium, the chunnin exam proctor who would be presiding over the upcoming match came out; he was a lean yet muscular jonin in his early to mid-twenties, wore the standard Konoha outfit for jonin, and a bandana-style Konoha headband. Long, straight black hair trailed out from under the bandana. "Alright everyone," the exam proctor called out, "The second round of the chunnin exam is about to begin. Will the participants please come out!"

At that prompting, Haru and Natsu both started walking out into the stadium; Haru was rolling his shoulders, trying to limber himself up a bit, whereas Natsu let out a big yawn, struggling to stay awake for some reason. Eventually the two genin reached the center of the arena where the exam proctor stood, then turned to face each other. "This match will be between Haru Uchiha and Natsu Uzumaki," the exam proctor announced. Raising his right hand up quickly, the exam proctor declared loudly, "Begin!"

Both genin jumped back to get some distance from each other, though it seemed to be somewhat tougher for Natsu. Immediately, both genin activated their respective ocular kekkei genkai; Haru and his Sharingan, Natsu and her Byakugan. Up in the bleachers, Harold leaned somewhat towards Inoichi and said, "Dude, it's a Sharingan-Byakugan slugfest! Can you believe that we're actually getting to see those two magic eyes face off against each other?!"

"This is a story that I hope to one-day pass on to my grandchildren," Inoichi remarked, his tone showing that he was very amazed that he got to see this.

"Alright then, Inoichi," Kuromaru remarked in an unamused monotone, "You can talk to your grandkids about this later today."

A look of realization spreading across his face, the Yamanaka patriarch said, "Oh yeah, I already have grandchildren."

"Just focus on the fight you- Woah!" Tsume said, stopping short mid-sentence as something she saw got her attention, "Harold, did you just see what your grandnephew did?! The size of that fireball jitsu he just cast?!"

"That would be my nephew's Uchiha blood at work right there!" Harold replied, beaming with pride.

Down in the arena, Haru had just cast a rather large fireball jitsu at Natsu, who was able to dodge the brunt of the attack; her right leg was grazed by the attack, though, making the Uzumaki girl cry out in pain. She had meant to grunt in pain instead, but her seemingly out-of-nowhere focus and lack of energy caused her to let out a cry instead. "You alright, Natsu?" Haru called out, sounding mildly alarmed.

"I'll *uhn* be fine," Natsu called back, gently brushing the area of her right leg that was grazed by Haru's fireball.

"Sorry if I'm going too rough for you, but my family is watching and I'd hate to disappoint them by not giving it my all," Haru said as he began to weave hand signs, the end result causing his right hand to begin emitting a violent amount of electricity that sounded like the non-stop chirping of hundreds upon hundreds of birds. Haru began to charge right at Natsu, but before he could get close, there was a violent explosion to the side of the arena, causing everyone to look in that direction; some folks were even beginning to panic.

When the dust settled, two men were seen standing amongst a small scattering of rubble. One was slender, had long white hair, and wore white robes, and the other was bulky in a muscular way, had short white hair, and also wore white robes. Both men had the Byakugan for some reason, but that wasn't the oddest thing; both men also had protrusions coming out of their heads and/or faces that clearly showed that neither of them were human.

Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Gaara, Kankuro and Kurotsuchi all jumped down from the bleachers to confront the two mystery men. "Who the hell are you two, and what the hell are you doing here?!" Naruto yelled at the two mystery men.

The first man, the slenderer and more man-pretty of the pair, stepped forward. "I am Momoshiki Otsutsuki," the first man said. Gesturing to his partner, Momoshiki added, "And this is my partner, Kinshiki Otsutsuki."

"We have come looking for the man known as 'Naruto Uzumaki'," Kinshiki stated as business-like as possible.

"Yeah, that would be me," Naruto replied as he faced the two men who were very obviously threats to Konoha, "What the hell do you two want with me?"

"We are here to-" Kinshiki said, but was cut off when something struck him in the forehead, making him fall backwards. After he fell out over the ground, it was seen that he had a crossbow bolt sticking out of his forehead; it was in deep enough to guarantee that Kinshiki was dead.

Quite obviously alarmed, Momoshiki said, "K-Kinshiki!"

"You two sonsabitches!" an angry voice called out, causing all the adults present in the arena to turn to see who it was coming from; they saw Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru run up, with Tsume holding a hand-sized automatic crossbow in her right hand; it was obvious that Tsume, who was the one who called out, was also the one who shot Kinshiki. "You and your buddy here interrupting the fight made my friends and I lose out on a chance to win it big!" Tsume snapped.

"Wait a minute," Shikamaru began to say to the older Inuzuka woman, "I think there's a much more import-"

Sasuke cut Shikamaru off by covering the Nara man's mouth with his right hand, pulling him back and whispering into his ear, "Those two men are obviously big threats to the village. Kiba's mom just killed one of them, and if things end up playing out the way I hope they will, Kiba's mom and her friends will finish off the other one."

As Shikamaru began to relax, Tsume and company continued to chew out Momoshiki. "Your little entrance just now almost hurt my grandnephew, jackass!" Harold snapped angrily, "Now I will show you exactly WHY I'm Konoha's oldest active jonin!"

"Hmph," Momoshiki replied in a smug yet angry tone, "You may have killed Kinshiki by taking us by surprise, but don't think that I will be as easy-" The man-pretty Momoshiki was cut off when, faster than most could have anticipated, Harold punched Momoshiki in the face, over his left eye. The punch landed with such force that Harold unintentionally sent Momoshiki flying into the nearest obstacle.

Getting up, Momoshiki said with a clearly frightened and alarmed look on his face, "Perhaps I have underestimated the shinobi of Konoha. I shall leave you all alive for now, and be thankful; it's not every day that I show such generosity!"

As Momoshiki fled, Kankuro said, "Pfft, that dude? GENEROUS?! He ain't no Rarity, that's for sure!"

"Rarity is the yellow winged-one with the pink mane and tail, right Kankuro?" Gaara asked. (5)

As Kankuro and Inoichi began to chew Gaara out for mixing up names, Shikamaru said, "I think there's more important things going on here, like the fact that a rouge ninja who attacked Konoha during the chunnin exams is escaping and damn, why does that sound so familiar?" As those present began to orient themselves with the situation, a female Konoha chunnin came up to the group to report to Naruto.

"Lord Sixth," the kunoichi said as she saluted Naruto, "The rouge ninja that just fled was seen running due south."

"Alright, we'll head out to take that bastard down," Naruto declared, "Let's form some squads to-"

"Umm, one more thing, Lord Sixth," the kunoichi added, sounding mildly unsure of how to proceed, "Umm, _The Hanamaru_ was stolen."

"Did that Momoshiki person steal it?" Naruto asked.

"Worse," the kunoichi replied, "It was taken by Tsume Inuzuka."

"Wait a minute," Gaara said, "Are you talking about that older Konoha kunoichi that Kankuro is friends with?"

"Before taking it, she also vandalized it," the kunoichi continued, "She took a large paintbrush and a bucket of red paint to cross out the name of _The Hanamaru_ located on both sides of the airship and replaced it with something else."

"What did she replace the ship's name with?" Naruto asked.

"Last I saw," the kunoichi replied, "Tsume Inuzuka renamed the ship _The HindenHarold_."

"Yes!" Harold said, pumping a fist into the air.

* * *

Momoshiki was running through the forests south of Konoha. His partner (and sadly enough, father-figure as well) was dead, and Momoshiki himself was running for dear life; a trio of crazy old people, the one woman of that trio being the one responsible for Kinshiki's death, had halted his plans of taking the Kyubi's chakra from Naruto Uzumaki. The pink-haired man of the trio of crazy old people had also given Momoshiki a very brutal punch to the face. So damaging was the punch that, combined with the fact that Kinshiki was killed, made Momoshiki decide Konoha was far too dangerous a place right now.

"I'll have to reconsider and recalculate a number of things," Momoshiki said aloud to himself as he fled through the southern woods, "I'll first have to come up with a plan to neutralize those three crazy old people. I should also neutralize that dog the old woman had as well, just to be on the safe side."

As Momoshiki ran, he heard a very loud intercom turn on, followed by Tsume's voice calling out from the intercom in a menacing sing-song tone, "Oh Momoshiki!"

Looking up, Momoshiki saw that _The Hanamaru_ was flying on a collision course towards the ground; what's worse, it was aimed right at him. Too exhausted and hurt to flee, Momoshiki could only watch in horror as Konoha's first airship flew right at him. In the last few seconds of his life, Momoshiki was able to see Tsume, who was the only one aboard _The Hanamaru_ , through the front window of the control room of the airship. Momoshiki could also see Tsume's mouth move as her voice sounded from over the intercom, "SSSSUUUUUCK MMMMMYYYY CUUUUUUUUU-"

*CRASH* *SMASH* *BOOM* *POW* And thus, Momoshiki, Tsume and _The Hanamaru_ went up in an explosive inferno of brilliant scarlet flames.

* * *

A few minutes later, Harold, Inoichi, Kuromaru, Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Gaara, Kankuro, Kurotsuchi, and various shinobi guards from Konoha, Suna, and Iwa all arrived to the scene of the crashing of _The Hanamaru_. After a short while, the gathered shinobi were able to extract Momoshiki's charred remains from the rubble; if it wasn't for the fact that bits of white cloth were still attached to the smoldering remains, the body would be unrecognizable.

"The first major assault Konoha has suffered in almost twenty years," Sasuke remarked, "And before this one got anywhere near as serious as the last one, it was stopped. By my uncle-in-law and his friends, no less."

"Let us not forget the valiant sacrifice of the greatest dude of all," Harold replied in a somber tone as he, Inoichi and Kankuro all held their right hands over their chests, "Tsume Inuzuka, a true man among men."

"Kiba's mom was a woman, you guys," Shikamaru said to the older shinobi and Kankuro.

"And I still am!" Tsume's voice called out. Everyone turned to the direction that Tsume's voice came from; to their surprise, Tsume Inuzuka herself had emerged from the ruined remains of _The Hanamaru_ , relatively unharmed.

"Mrs. Inuzuka! How did you survive?!" Naruto exclaimed as he and the others all ran up to the Inuzuka matriarch.

Pulling a small black-colored egg-shaped item out of her flask jacket, Tsume said, "I used the Pod Shield that I had in my flask jacket. Apparently, it has a function where the user is completely encased in a protective pod. I was kept safely in a cocoon of hard-as-hell metal!"

"Thank goodness for ever-advancing technology!" Harold declared as he, Tsume, Inoichi and Kankuro all shared a good laugh. Kuromaru could only just shake his head.

* * *

"Natsu was drugged?!" Naruto exclaimed angrily; a few days after the Momoshiki/Kinshiki incident caused the chunnin exams to be canceled mid-way through, Harold and his friends (minus Kankuro, who returned to Suna with Gaara and their guards) were speaking to Naruto in his office in the Hokage office building. In addition to Harold, Inoichi, Tsume, Kuromaru and Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru were also present.

"I noticed it when the boys and I were watching your daughter's match against Harold's grandnephew," Tsume said, "So after the lot of us returned to Konoha and I took a shower to get rid of that annoying explosion smell I had, I decided to do a little snooping around. To my disgust, I learned that the folks who run the cinnamon roll specialty shop that your wife and daughter like to frequent slipped the drug into your daughter's order."

"The drug, as the investigation Sasuke and I did found out, saps one's energy and stamina, as well as make it difficult for one to properly mold chakra in order to use jitsu," Shikamaru interjected.

"Why would those bastards drug my daughter?" Naruto muttered angrily, holding his hand to his face.

"We learned that the owners of the cinnamon roll specialty shop had placed a lot of ryo on Haru to win his match against your daughter, Lord Sixth," Harold explained, "I mean, I myself was hoping Haru would win, but I'd never go so far as to cheat like that to ensure the results that I desired!"

"If anyone ever drugged my daughter," Inoichi began, "I'd cleave their asses off, have the assed taxidermied and stuffed, then hung over my fireplace!"

Looking to his father-in-law, Shikamaru said, "That sounds like some over-the-top overreaction from a kid's cartoon."

"I got it from an episode of this cartoon that I watched with Inohime earlier this morning," Inoichi admitted.

"Well, given a combination of the cinnamon roll specialty shop's owners drugging Natsu, and the attack of those two guys that Mrs. Inuzuka ended up killing," Naruto said, "The results of the end of the chunnin exams are going to have to be declared inconclusive."

Looking to the three older ninja and giving them a knowing look, Naruto said, "I'm going to guess that any money that was placed on the outcome of the match won't end up changing hands."

"All bets that were made were either 'Haru wins' or 'Natsu wins'," Inoichi informed Naruto, "No one even considered the possibility of powerful ninja attacking Konoha midway through the second round of the combat portion of the chunnin exams."

"Damn!" Shikamaru exclaimed, "Why the hell does that sound so damn familiar?!"

As most of the other ninja began to laugh, Tsume thought to herself, " _They must never know_."

END, CHAPTER TEN

Author's notes:

(1) Hanamaru should roughly translate to 'flower boy'.

(2) A play on the name of _The Hindenburg_ ; you heard about how THAT turned out, right?

(3) Iruka is semi-secretly a fan of the 'Sabrina the teenage witch' series, hence why his cat his named Salem.

(4) Again, the lack of guns in this world had led to some very…creative…variations on the crossbow.

(5) Gaara thinks that every character in MLP: FIM is called Rarity, much like how some parents think every Pokémon is called Pikachu.

Well firstly, since this chapter whent up on 7-4-17, happy Independence Day. Anywho, due to some unforseen business coming in that I will have to attend to, I have no idea when I'll be able to upload the next chapter. Additionally, I'm also working on a few other story ideas which I might put up. Please bear with me.

EDIT 7-17-16: Corrected some spelling/grammar mistakes.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter eleven: The steward of house Uzumaki (AKA a kind hearted cat lover's right hand cat)

It was late one evening in the village of Konohagakure, approximately a week or so after the most recent chunnin exams had to be canceled mid-way through because powerful ninjas attacked Konoha during the combat portion's second part and damn, why does that sound so familiar?! Anywho, back to the subject at hand; it was evening in Konoha. A car being driven by Hinata Uzumaki was going down the road. In the passenger seat was Hinata's eleven-year-old daughter, Natsu.

"So the people who made our cinnamon rolls that day slipped a powdered drug into my rolls that impeded my ability to perform properly?" Natsu asked as she turned to face her mother, clearly upset.

Sighing, Hinata replied, "I'm afraid so. Let me tell you, we're no longer going to do business with that shop."

"Because they drugged me?" Natsu asked her mother.

"Well, that," the Uzumaki matriarch replied, "But also because your father had the place shut down and all of its employee's arrested. Also, your father and his friends decided to destroy the place, burning it to the ground."

"Whaa?!" Natsu remarked, clearly shocked.

"Your father does not like what happened to you," Hinata explained, "Granted, he and his friends destroying the place WAS a tad excessive. But he was just trying to- WOAH!" Hinata stopped mid-sentence as she slammed on the breaks, having seen someone run out quickly in front of the path of her car. But sadly, it was too late; Hinata hit the person and sent him or her flying. They landed with a sickening 'thwack' on the left (from Hinata's point of view) sidewalk. "Oh God, oh jeez, oh goodness," Hinata said repeatedly as she stopped her car and got out. Within a few minutes, two Konoha police cars and an ambulance had arrived on the scene.

Hinata stood to the side worriedly, afraid that she had accidentally committed vehicular manslaughter. "Well Lady Uzumaki," a Konoha boy in blue said as he walked up to her, "The street cameras confirmed that it was the kid who ran out and got hit by you, not you intentionally seeking to hit the kid."

"I would never do such a thing anyway!" Hinata snapped, tears streaming down her face.

"I understand," replied the boy in blue, "Anywho, I'm sorry to say that the kid has been pronounced dead on the scene."

"Oh goodness, I'm a murderer!" Hinata exclaimed.

"It was the kid's fault for not looking," the boy in blue repeated.

"Does he even have a name?" Hinata asked as she tried (and failed) to calm down.

"Yeah, we checked for that as soon as the medics arrived on scene," said the officer, "His name is Kawaki. Darkish skin. Weird facial tattoo over the one eye. Bizarre hairstyle." Looking in the direction where the ambulance could be seen loading a stretcher with a full body bag on it, the officer said, "At most, I'd put the kid at around the same age as your daughter."

Hinata looked down to the ground with an ashamed look on her face. She completely forgot that her daughter was on hand. And she had been exposed to this whole mess. Hinata started to weep over what she perceived as further loss of Natsu's childhood innocence.

* * *

The next day, Harold Fisher, along with his friends Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, along with Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru, were over at the Uzumaki household. With them was Hiashi Hyuga, the biological father of Hinata Uzumaki (nee Hyuga), father-in-law to the sixth (and current) Hokage Naruto Uzumaki, and grandfather of Natsu Uzumaki. The older Hyuga man was dressed in traditional Hyuga clan attire, the same kind of Hyuga robes that he's always worn. He looked practically the same as always, aside from signs of his age starting to show on his face. Still, he looked…above average for a man of his age.

"So…why are we here again?" Tsume asked as she and her group followed the Hyuga clan lord down one of the hallways.

"Yes," replied a feminine voice from behind the group; Hinata Uzumaki was also present and was following the older ninja. However, she did not seem all that happy with their presence; the tone of disappointment in the Uzumaki matriarch's voice cut deep into her father's heart, deeper than he would have liked. And he knew full well that he had it coming. "Yes, I would also like to know why you're all here," Hinata said.

"Can a man not pay his daughter's family a surprise visit?" Hiashi replied, trying to change the subject and hopefully smooth over some feathers.

"Well I'm the only one home, I'm afraid," Hinata told her father, "Naruto is taking care of business over at the Hokage office building, and Natsu is currently on a mission somewhere in the village."

"Oh, I bet she's taking part in exposing a crime syndicate," Harold said, "Or maybe she's going to play a role in assassinating an important village figure who was found guilty of-"

"Natsu, Shibei and Bankai are just helping an elderly woman with stuff like moving furniture and various other chores," Hinata interjected. After receiving questioning looks from Harold, Inoichi and Tsume, Hinata pointed out, "They're just genin. You can't honestly expect them to be given missions Naruto would only hand off to jonin such as Sasuke and the like."

"Well that sucks," the Fisher patriarch remarked in a disappointed tone, "I was counting on some epic tale of kick-ass and awesome proportions."

"Hmm?" Hiashi said as something he saw caught his eye; it was a sign on one of the doors. The sign said 'Natsu's room', and there was a drawing of a kitten in the upper left corner of the sign, and a drawing of a cute little dragon in the bottom right corner of the sign.

"Oh, this is Natsu's room," Hinata explained, "Although given the sign there, you could easily figure that out for yourself."

"Would it be okay to take a quick peek inside?" Hiashi asked.

"Why do you want to look into your granddaughter's room?" Harold asked.

"The only things I know about Natsu is that she likes cinnamon rolls just like her mother, and that she has developed feelings for your grandnephew," Hiashi replied to Harold.

"Yes!" the Fisher patriarch exclaimed as he pumped both fists into the air excitedly, "Me and Inoichi's efforts in getting those two together have finally paid off!"

"…Oh yeah, my daughter told me about that," the Hyuga clan lord remarked dryly as he opened the door to his granddaughter's bedroom.

Natsu's room was perfectly tidy. The bed, which was against the wall in the bottom left corner (From Hiashi's point of view) of the room, was made. The desk, which was in the upper right corner (again from Hiashi's point of view) of the room, was tidy, the items on the surface perfectly organized. Even the shelving unit, opposite of the foot-end of Natsu's bed, was neatly organized, with the bottom three shelves taken up by a few books and a stack of video game cases in the right hand corner of the bottom most shelf. Both the top shelf and the top of the shelving unit held various plushies; they were either cat plushies, dragon plushies, or plushies of either cat Pokémon or dragon-type Pokémon.

Taking a step into the room, the Hyuga clan lord noticed a poster above the head-end of the bed of a basket full of kitties; additionally, the comforter on the bed had images of cute, smiling kitty faces. Looking at the desk, you could find a personal journal laying approximately in the center; the journal had the image of a smiling kitty. Looking into the room, Tsume Inuzuka looked at the various cat-themed décor and, with a look of disgust on her face, sneered, "The hell is wrong with your granddaughter's taste in décor, Hiashi?!"

"Personally, I don't see anything wrong with Natsu's apparent favoring of cats," Hiashi remarked, "Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she even owned an actual cat."

"Natsu doesn't own a cat," Hinata pointed out in a mildly bitter tone. Hinata speaking up, plus the noticeable bitterness in her tone, made the others turn to face her.

"Well thank goodness for that!" Tsume proclaimed with a joyous laugh.

"What do you mean, Hinata?" Hiashi asked, looking mildly worried due to the glare that he was recieving from his first-born daughter.

"Natsu doesn't own a cat," Hinata explained, "No one in the Hyuga clan owns a pet. Not even non-Hyugas that are related to the Hyuga clan via marriage, such as Naruto, or Hanabi's husband Udon, or Neji's wife Tenten."

"Wait, now hold on there," Inoichi said, "What about all of those toads that Lord Sixth owns?"

"Those aren't pets, those are familiars he can summon," Hinata pointed out, "Two totally different things."

"Yes, I've noticed the distinct lack of pets owned by Hyuga clan members," Hiashi remarked thoughtfully as he held a hand to his chin, a gesture often made by those in deep thought.

"Well it's because of a Hyuga clan rule that prohibits any Hyuga clan member, along with non-Hyugas related to Hyugas, from owning any pet," Hinata stated.

"Now what idiot in his right mind would make such a decree?" Hiashi proclaimed.

"YOU," Hinata replied, pointing an accusing finger at her father.

A stunned look appearing across his face, Hiashi said, "Oh. Oh yeah. That was one of my earlier rulings."

"Well what can you do about it?" Harold asked, "It's not like you can repeal that rule you made…how long ago did you make it?"

"Sometime before Hinata was born," Hiashi finally answered after thinking about it for a few seconds. After another few seconds, Hiashi added with a bit of a mischievous smirk, "And who ever said that I couldn't repeal the rule?"

* * *

Two days later, there was a pet adoption fair being held in Konohagakure, over in a practice field that was technically part of the Hidden Leaf Village Ninja Academy. It was held as a joint effort between the Inuzuka and Nekozuka clans; this was one of the very rare instances you'd see so many ninjas from both clans work together, since they get along like cats and dogs (literally). The instant the pet adoption fair opened, loads more Konoha citizens than what the Inuzuka and Nekozuka ninjas could have predicted came practically running in; it was to the credit of Hana Inuzuka, the adult daughter of Tsume, that she noticed that most in the crowd were either Hyuga clan members, or non-Hyugas that were married to them.

Over at one area with dogs up for adoption were Neji Hyuga and his wife Tenten. As usual, Neji looked the same as always; when it came to Tenten, on the other hand, she looked very different. Sure, she styled he hair the same way as always, and she wore a Konoha shinobi headband, as always. There were two main differences in her appearance from her mid to late teens; one, she wore light gray sweatpants and a light pink sweater. Two, she had gained A LOT of weight since her teenage years; at a glance, you could tell that she weighed at least three-hundred pounds.

Right now at the dog table, Neji watched as his wife was looking at a young adult Akita dog that was up for adoption. "So you're interested in an Akita?" asked the young Inuzuka kunoichi that was in charge of the table. This kunoichi looked like an early-to-mid-twenties Tsume, except her face more closely resembled that of Hana's.

"Yeah, I've always wanted one," Tenten explained as she stood up, "But I had to put hat plan on hold after I married Neji, since his clan didn't allow pets until late yesterday evening."

"Ah yes," the Inuzuka kunoichi remarked, "I did hear that Lord Hiashi of the Hyuga clan recently repealed the pet-ban for the Hyuga."

"And not five seconds after my uncle repealed that rule," Neji added, "No less than eighty percent of the Hyuga, and their non-Hyuga relatives, decided to get a pet. Luckily for us, you and the Nekozuka decided to host this pet adoption fair."

"And now I can get this little guy right here," Tenten said, ruffling the head of the Akita dog.

After panting for a second, the Akita said, "Hachiko looks forward to large woman taking him home." A few seconds of silence passed before Neji and Tenten both yelled in shock. The Inuzuka kunoichi, however, was nowhere near as surprised (any surprise on her part came from being shocked by Neji's and Tenten's combined freak out).

"That dog just talked!" Neji exclaimed, pointing at the Akita in an accusing manner.

"Well Hachiko WAS bred from Inuzuka clan ninja dogs," the Inuzuka kunoichi explained, as if it were common knowledge.

Looking up to Tenten, Hachiko said, "Hachiko likes large people."

"Really?" Tenten asked, looking mildly embarrassed given that her size was being called into discussion.

"Large people usually have food with them," Hachiko said, "And if Hachiko is nice to them or looks at them pleadingly, large people share food with Hachiko. And Hachiko likes food." The talking Akita finished by wagging his tail.

Looking to his wife, Neji said, "Well at least he's straight forward about his likes."

Over at another table, Hanabi was looking at a large cage that held about four Guinea Pigs. Standing next to her was her husband Udon; aside from his hair color being the same as it's always been, Udon looked a hell of a lot like Uryu from Bleach (that's what everyone tells him). "Now that father's lifted the Hyuga clan's pet ban," Hanabi said to her husband, "We can finally get our son a pet!"

"Don't you think Hogato would like a dog more?" Udon asked.

Turning to face her husband, Hanabi said, "A dog is a HUGE responsibility. We'll get Hogato a Guinea Pig first, then if he can handle it, we'll see."

"I'm pretty sure our son can handle a dog," Udon remarked dryly.

"It will be Hogato's first pet ever," Hanabi insisted, "And we can't go too big the first time around!"

"Our son is seventeen-years-old," Udon stated, "I'm pretty sure that he can handle a dog."

Over in another section of the pet fair, Harold and his friends were following Hinata and Natsu past various stands. "So why are we here again?" Harold asked as he popped open a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager.

"As you are aware," Hinata began, "My father lifted the Hyuga clan's pet ban late yesterday evening."

"That explains all of the Hyuga that are here at the pet adoption fair," Inoichi remarked as he popped open his own can of Pape Konoha's brand lager.

"Well with the ability to get pets now, most of my clansmen are going to fulfill their dreams of getting the pet they've always wanted," Hinata said. Patting her daughter on the head, Hinata added, "In fact, my daughter Natsu is planning to get a cat, just like she always wan-"

Hinata was cut off when she and the others heard angry-sounding growling come from nowhere. They looked to Kuromaru, who wasn't making the noise; he jerked his head to point to Tsume, who WAS the one that was growling. "Mrs. Inuzuka, why are you growling?" Hinata asked.

"You're actually letting your kid get one of those hell spawns?!" Tsume exclaimed, "What the frig is wrong with you?!"

"There is nothing wrong with cats!" Hinata insisted in a stern tone.

"They're adorable!" Natsu added.

"Dogs can be adorable too," Tsume pointed out, "Wouldn't you rather have a dog?"

"Dogs can be nice, yes," Natsu replied, "But I'd much rather get a cat." Looking more directly at Tsume and Kuromaru, Natsu said, "Oh, umm, no offence."

"None taken," Kuromaru replied in a kind tone; he was respectful of other people's choices, after all.

"EVERYTHING taken!" Tsume exclaimed.

"Tsume, you're being ridiculous," the Inuzuka ninja dog snapped to his owner.

"God was being ridiculous the day he created cats!" Tsume snapped back.

"The only ridiculous thing that Knuckles the Echidna ever did was make was non-alcoholic beer!" Harold declared.

To Natsu, Tsume said, "Girl, take it from me. Cats are NOT the pet for you. They aren't the pet for anyone!"

"Jeez, ma, give the kid a break!" a scruffy man's voice called out, getting everyone to turn and see Tsume's adult son Kiba walk up. With Kiba was his elderly ninja dog Akamaru. "If Hinata's and Naruto's kid wants a cat, then why tell her no? The Hyuga clan's pet ban WAS lifted, after all," Kiba remarked.

"Kiba, how could you NOT be trying to help me convince the kid to not get a cat?" Tsume asked, looking disappointed and mildly heartbroken, "You should convince her to get a dog, or a non-cat pet at the very least!"

"Ma, some folks like dogs," Kiba replied while shaking his head softly, "And some like cats. Hell, this one cadet branch Hyuga I saw earlier wanted a hawk! The point of this pet adoption fair is to help folks find the pet that THEY want to adopt. And if Hinata's and Naruto's kid wants to adopt a cat, then by all means, respect her choice." To Natsu, Kiba said, "If you want, I can show you to where the cats are."

* * *

And so, Kiba and Akamaru led the group to a table run by a Nekozuka clan male chunnin; on either side of the table there was a stack of two cages. Each cage held one cat. "Oh, some Hyuga finally have an interest in cats," said the Nekozuka chunnin running the table, a young mid-twenties man of lean build and dressed in the standard Konoha shinobi uniform, flask jacket and everything.

Laying a hand on Natsu's shoulder, Hinata said to the Nekozuka chunnin, "Yes, my daughter was interested in a cat."

"A dog would have been WAY better," Tsume muttered in an annoyed tone.

Having heard Tsume's muttering, the Nekozuka said with an air of mild unamusement, "You must be Sakaki's mother-in-law."

"Which is no reason to celebrate, that's for sure!" Tsume proclaimed.

"Wow, you must really hate cats," Inoichi remarked, "You hate cats almost as much as I hated Diamond Tiara prior to mid-way through season five."

"I assume then that you have a young granddaughter?" a mysterious male voice called out, sounding somewhat like a British butler.

"Well yes I do but that does not mean I can't watch the show during my own free who the hell was that just now?" Inoichi said, changing his line of dialogue mid-sentence as he and everyone else that was present aside from the Nekozuka chunnin started looking around, trying to find out where the owner of the mysterious voice is.

"Yeah, that would be this guy right here," the Nekozuka chunnin said, pointing to the top cage on the right hand stack (from the group's point of view). Everyone's eyes went to the cage that was pointed out; inside was a young adult male housecat. He had a lean yet healthy body, bright golden eyes and smooth black fur that seemed almost shiny.

"Greetings, good folk," the cat said as he held up his right front paw. Lowering the paw, the cat continued, "My fellow felines and I are eagerly awaiting the chance to go to a good home. Might one of you be interested in taking me home, perchance?"

"Y-y-you're a talking cat!" Natsu exclaimed.

"Indeed," the cat replied, "I once served a Nekozuka clan chunnin-ranked kunoichi, along with two other ninja cats. However, after I… embarrassed my previous owner, she was forced to give up ownership of me, in order to save face."

"The hell did you do, cat?" Harold asked.

"A while ago, my previous owner, her two other ninja cats and I had completed a mission for a Feudal Lord," the cat began to explain, "As my owner and the Feudal Lord talked, I noticed the Feudal Lord's cat, a beautiful female Persian. She was…in the mood, and I myself was…feeling frisky."

"Oh ho! Is this leading to where I think it's leading?" Tsume asked with a mischievous smile.

In an embarrassed manner, the cat said, "The Persian and I… ended up doing the deed."

While the older ninja and Kiba started to laugh, both Hinata and Natsu blushed in an embarrassed manner, with Natsu saying, "Oh my…"

"We were caught in the act," the cat went on, "And the Feudal Lord was outraged that I made a move on his cat. Disgraced, my owner was forced to give me up." After a few seconds of silence, the cat added, "But not before having me fixed." Tsume had to snort back a laugh; Harold, Inoichi, Kuromaru, Kiba and Akamaru, on the other hand, all winced sympathetically. "I can still serve as a ninja cat," the cat finished, "But if you want just a pet, then I can serve the role of domestic companion just as well."

"Can…" Natsu replied, "…Can I pet you?"

"By all means," the cat replied, slowly swishing his tail back and forth. The Nekozuka chunnin running the table opened the cage, and allowed Natsu to reach a hand in so she can pet the cat, gently ruffling the top of his head before stroking his back. "Mmm, yes, this is something that all cats enjoy," the cat said as he happily purred while Natsu stroked his back, causing the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl to giggle.

"Do you have a name?" the young kunoichi asked.

"My previous owner didn't name her other cats and I, but rather she assigned us numbers," the cat explained, "I was number two."

"ALL cats are number twos," Tsume remarked.

Choosing to ignore Bankai's grandmother, Natsu said, "Well you certainly seem nice enough." Turning to face Hinata, Natsu asked as she ruffled the top of the cat's head, "Is it okay if I adopt this one?"

"I see no problem with him," Hinata replied, "And he seems like the perfect gentleman…err, gentlecat."

Turning to face the talking cat, Natsu said, "You hear that, Pantherlily? My mom says I can adopt you!"

"So my name is Pantherlily now, eh?" the talking cat replied in a tone of good humor, "It's certainly nice to have a proper name now."

Near the end of the pet fair, Harold and the gang, plus Kiba, Akamaru, Hinata and Natsu could be seen at the front entry gate leading into the pet fair; Natsu was carrying a small pet-carrying crate, inside of which sat Natsu's new pet (talking) cat. As Natsu asked about getting a book on how to properly care for a pet cat, the group was met up by a Hyuga clan chunnin (from the clan's cadet branch); the Hyuga wore a large leather glove over his left arm, which was held up, as a hawk sat perched on it. "I'll name you Hawky," the Hyuga chunnin said as he gently stroked the hawk's neck, which the bird seemed to enjoy.

"See?" Kiba said to his mother as he gestured to the Hyuga chunnin, "A Hyuga wanted a pet hawk." Now in most parts of the world, people tended to keep dogs on leashes when taking them outside. The Inuzuka clan never believed in keeping a dog bound in such a manner; the third Hokage, in his tenure after having to take over for the fallen Lord Fourth, had to pass a law in Konoha that permitted leash-free dog walking in order to accommodate the Inuzuka. This is why neither Kuromaru or Akamaru were on leashes. This is also why Akamaru jumped up at the Hyuga chunnin, grabbed the hawk in his maw, and proceeded to shake the bird violently until it was dead.

"Hawky, no!" the Hyuga chunnin exclaimed, falling to his knees as he mourned the death of the pet hawk he had for all of about five or so minutes.

Tsume laughed hysterically before saying, "That was frigg'en classic!"

"Akamaru, no! That was not cool, dude!" Kiba exclaimed in a scolding tone.

"Geez, Akamaru's mind must be going in his old age," Kuromaru remarked, "He never would have done something like that a few years ago."

Looking to Kiba, Hinata said, "Kiba, with all due respect, I'm going to have to ask that if you ever come over to my place, don't bring Akamaru with you."

"I understand completely," the Inuzuka jonin replied with a nod. To the Hyuga chunnin, Kiba added "I'm sorry that Akamaru just mauled your new pet hawk to death."

"I only had Hawky for five minutes!" the Hyuga chunnin exclaimed before breaking down and crying.

* * *

The next morning over at Hanabi's residence, a seventeen-year-old male jonin who looked practically the same as seventeen-year-old Neji was in a bedroom with two girls around his age. All three teenagers were looking at a large cage that sat on the Hyuga teenager's dresser; inside the cage was a single Guinea Pig; it has light brown fur with a white underside. The Guinea Pig was going back and forth between a little plastic igloo and a water bottle that was secured to the outside of the cage, with a little spurt poking into the cage.

The first teenage girl was slightly thinner than what was technically considered healthy (but not to the point that it was dangerous yet). She had fair skin, wore a light blue thin-strapped tank top that exposed the mid-drift. She wore baggy cargo shorts, shinobi sandals and a Konoha headband around straight yellow-blonde hair.

Looking to the Hyuga teenager, the first girl said, "So Hogato. Your mom…got you a Guinea Pig."

"I didn't even really want a pet, if I'm being honest," Hogato replied, "But I didn't want to disappoint my mother."

"She is kind of cute," said the other girl. This girl was about the same height as the first; however, the second girl was noticeably chubby, but in a way that made her kind of cute. She wore an orange-brown t-shirt, red cargo shorts, shinobi sandals and a Konoha headband around red hair that sort of draped over her right eye.

"Actually, I think it's a he," Hogato replied.

"How do you know?" asked the first girl.

"I…don't, really," Hogato remarked as he realized that no one even checked for the Guinea Pig's gender.

"We should ask your mom if she knows," the second girl suggested.

"Speak of the devil and she shall appear," Hanabi said from the doorway, getting the attention of her son and his friends; Hanabi had just that moment appeared, wearing a baggy t-shirt and pants. She looked like a taller version of herself from back when she was in her early teens.

"Hey mother," Hogato said, "Is the Guinea Pig you got me a boy or a girl?"

"Well what did you name it?" Hanabi asked.

"I haven't named it yet," Hogato explained, "I don't want to give it a name that isn't appropriate to its gender."

"Wait, so its gender isn't determined by its name?" Hanabi replied, a look of mild confusion on her face.

"No," Hogato answered, "Why? Did you think that giving it a girl name would make it a girl, or giving it a boy name would make it a boy?"

"That's how pets work, right?" Hanabi asked.

"Mrs. Hogato's mom, have you ever had a pet before?" asked the first girl.

"No," Hanabi answered, "Up until very recently, the Hyuga clan didn't permit its members to keep pets. In fact, I myself have yet to get a pet of my own."

"Well why not?" asked the second girl.

"Well I've always wanted a pet Guinea Pig," Hanabi explained, "But the aforementioned Hyuga clan pet ban made that impossible until said ban was repealed by my father. But by then, it was too late for me to get one for myself. So I got one for Hogato instead."

"Whoever said that you can't have a pet Guinea Pig?" Hogato asked.

"It's more of a kid's pet than an adult's pet, if you think about it" Hanabi remarked in a mildly sad tone, "A shame, really."

Taking the Guinea Pig out of its cage, Hogato checked its groin area. "…Yeah, it's a boy," Hogato remarked aloud. Still holding the Guinea Pig, Hogato turned to face his mother. "Say mother," Hogato said, "Would you like to take the Guinea Pig off my hands?"

Looking hopeful, Hanabi said, "Really?"

Handing the Guinea Pig to Hanabi, Hogato said, "Pets aren't even really my thing. There's no need to live your dream of owning a Guinea Pig though-"

"WEEEEEEHEEEHEEEHEEE!" Hanabi exclaimed happily, spinning around while holding the Guinea Pig; Hanabi ended up spinning out of Hogato's bedroom doorway like a ballerina.

Walking up to the scene just in time to see his wife spin off with the Guinea Pig was Udon. "Huh," the jonin remarked in a tone suggesting that his beliefs were just validated, "I figured that something like this would be the case."

* * *

Over at Neji's residence, Neji was sitting at the dining room table, reading the paper. Sitting across from him was his thirteen-year-old daughter Tenji. Aside from having her hair styled the same as her mother's, Tenji looked pretty much the same as her father, save for the fact that Tenji is a girl. Tenji even had byakugan eyes, and wore a girl-version of Neji's thirteen-year-old outfit. "Where's mom?" Tenji asked before taking a sip from her glass of orange juice.

"She's taking Hachiko for a morning walk," Neji remarked, "Saying something along the lines of making sure he stays fit."

"Maybe taking Hachiko for walks will help mom get in shape as well?" Tenji suggested. After getting a stern look from her father, Tenji said, "Oh come on, dad. You know as well as I do that mom's a little on the heavy side. The exercise will do her good."

"I suppose that you got a point, sweetie," Neji conceded before returning his attention back to his newspaper.

" _A darn shame though_ ," Neji thought as he scanned the sports page, " _Tenten has a rather fine body as it is_."

* * *

Over at the Uzumaki residence, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru walked up to the front door. "So how will we explain to Lord Sixth that we wrecked another ice cream truck?" Harold asked.

"What's all this 'WE' business?!" Kuromaru exclaimed, "That ice cream truck business is all on you three! Dogs aren't even supposed to have ice cream."

"Quiet, you," Tsume snapped as Inoichi knocked on the front door. After Hinata opened the front door, greeted her guests and let them in, she went to the kitchen to procure tea.

As Harold and the gang stood in the hall, they were approached by Pantherlily. "Greetings, good visitors, and welcome to house Uzumaki," Pantherlily greeted. Pointing his right front paw to the living room area, Pantherlily said, "The living room is in that direction, if you all wish to take a seat."

"Wow, a receptionist cat," Harold remarked, "That's pretty frigg'en cool."

"Indeed," replied Pantherlily, "I have taken it upon myself to serve as the steward of house Uzumaki. I may no longer serve as a ninja cat, but that does not mean I can allow myself to go idle!"

"Well I will admit, you got more of a work ethic than most other cats I've seen," Tsume remarked, "The only thing bad about you is that you're a cat."

An expression of dry humor appearing on his face, Pantherlily replied, "Hmm, yes. Lady Hinata DID warn me about an older woman who had a strong dislike of cats. Can I assume that she was speaking of you, then?"

"Damn straight she was talking about me!" Tsume proclaimed, "And 'strong dislike' is putting it mildly!"

"Dogs are traditionally antagonistic to cats," Kuromaru remarked, "And yet even I get along swimmingly with cats."

"Yeah, cats can do some pretty dank things, if all of those videos that I've seen on the internet are to be believed," Harold pointed out.

"At least tolerate the ones belonging to people you associate with?" Inoichi asked the Inuzuka matriarch more than said.

"…Fine," Tsume said, "I won't actively try to do harm to any cats anymore. But that doesn't mean I have to like them!"

"There we go," Kuromaru remarked in a proud tone, "Now that we're making some serious what do you mean anymore?"

END, CHAPTER ELEVEN

Author's Notes:

This chapter was partly inspired by an old fan-made comic I saw on the internet a while back where Hinata mentions that her clan doesn't permit owning a pet. Of course, in the scenario presented in this chapter, Harold and his friends are involved, so things are bound to go…ehh... Oh yeah, before I forget, I decided to feature that Kawaki character in this chapter. I kinda wanted to experiment around with adding canon characters that wouldn't be directly affected by Harold and Tsume using the Well of Time back in chapter one.

Also, I apologize if this chapter took so long to come out; I was occupied with other obligations.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twelve: The Konoha bake sale (AKA Warning: consuming Tsume's special brownies might make one into a Big Eater)

One afternoon in the village of Konohagakure, Harold Fisher, one of Konoha's oldest active jonin (oldest active ninja overall) was grabbing a late lunch at an Akimichi clan-owned diner with his friends, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka; Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru was sitting on the floor next to where Tsume sat. Joining Harold and company was Inoichi's friend from the village of Sunagakure, Kankuro, who was visiting at the time.

"…So in the end, even though I'm glad that 'Crusaders of the lost Mark' redeemed Diamond Tiara," Kankuro said, "Until there's an episode that properly follows up on her reformation, I'm still keeping her on my list."

"…The hell were you talking about?!" Tsume exclaimed at the Kazekage's brother.

"So anywho," Harold interrupted, "Sophia wants me to do some grocery shopping when I'm done here."

"What does she want you to pick up, dude?" Inoichi asked.

"Flour, sugar, milk, eggs, vanilla extract," Harold said after taking a hand-written list out of his right back pocket and reading off the items from it.

"So she wants to do some baking," Tsume remarked, "She's more of the kind, nurturing grandma type anyway." Looking over to read the list Harold held, Tsume added when she saw the amounts requested, "Woah. That's a lot of baking."

"Well Konoha's annual big bake sale is tomorrow," Harold pointed out, "Sophia says she is determined not to let any of the people out sell her."

"Your wife does make one hell of a cheesecake," Inoichi said to his best friend, drawing a nod of agreement.

"Konoha's annual big bake sale?" Kankuro said in a questioning tone.

"Every year, the women of Konoha bake a bunch of bake goodies, sells them and uses the proceeds to help a good cause," Harold explained.

"Fun fact: The Akimichi clan buys no less than sixty-seven percent of all food sold at Konoha's annual big bake sale every year," Tsume stated, "And eats it all by day's end."

"…Fatasses," Kuromaru added under his breath.

"Refresh my memory on who the Akimichi clan are," Kankuro said.

"They are one of Konoha's most prominent ninja clans," Inoichi explained, "The Akimichi are good friends of the Nara and the Yamanaka."

"The Akimichi are Konoha's resident fat-asses, basically," Tsume pointed out.

"Fat-asses…" Kankuro replied at length, "…Like that Tenten woman?"

"No, no, but no one can really blame you for making that assumption," Harold remarked.

Right before Kankuro could further inquire about the Akimichi clan, a random male Konoha civilian (1) came running into the diner. "Shikamaru Nara's house caught fire!" the civilian yelled, "There's still someone trapped inside!" After the random male Konoha civilian ran back out of the diner, Inoichi got up and ran out of the diner (2). Harold and the others did not even have to be asked to follow.

When everyone arrived on scene, Harold and the others saw that Shikamaru's house was on fire; standing in the crowd outside that watched firefighters struggle to put out the blaze was Shikamaru Nara, his wife Ino and their son Shikaru; the Nara men were using Nara clan style shadow possession to restrain Ino, keeping her from running into the burning home. "Our daughter is still inside!" Ino screamed as she struggled against the shadow possession.

"You can't just go running into a burning house!" Shikamaru exclaimed.

"Yo, the hell's going on?" Inoichi asked as he and his friends approached the Nara family.

"The stove malfunctioned and started a fire while Ino was baking a cake for the big bake sale tomorrow," Shikamaru explained, "We all got out, but forgot that Inohime is still taking a nap inside."

"DON'T WORRY, INOHIME! GRANDPA'S COMING!" Inoichi yelled as he ran forward about ten feet before Kankuro and Kuromaru tackled him to the ground.

"Inoichi, dude, do you want to get yourself killed?!" Kankuro exclaimed.

"My granddaughter's in there!" the Yamanaka patriarch exclaimed, "I have to-"

Inoichi was cut off when an ear-piercing screech that sounded like that of a bird of prey came sounding in out of nowhere; suddenly, a large blur crashed into a second-floor window. A few seconds later, the blur came crashing back out, but slow enough for everyone to see what it really was. It was a semi-leonine creature that was roughly the size of a Clydesdale. Its front half was eagle-like, its feathers a dark gray with the occasional white spot here and there. Its beak was a dark gray coal color, its eyes a piercing golden yellow, its legs a somewhat lighter shade of gray, and its talons jet black. The back half of the creature was equine in nature, a very dark brown in coloration, with hooves the same color as the talons, and a light brown horse's tail.

The creature held a frightened Inohime in its front legs, which apparently could be used as arms; the poor, frightened girl was dressed in her Frozen-themed sleepwear, and was holding her Pinkie Pie plushy. As the beast flew in place in front of the Nara family, Shikamaru said to the beast, "What the hell are you supposed to be?"

"Feather Edge!" Inoichi exclaimed, getting up from the ground and running over to the hippogriff.

Handing the young Nara girl over to her Yamanaka grandpa, Feather Edge the hippogriff (3) said, "Even with doing this favor, my debt to you has yet to be repaid in full." Flying up into the air, Feather Edge said, "I shall return in time to offer my services once again." After that, the hippogriff flew off.

"Yo Inoichi, wasn't that the creature you fought that one time so that we could get Toonbiicos?" Harold asked.

"Since when could it talk?" Kankuro added.

"What the frigg'en hell was that thing?!" Tsume exclaimed as she pointed in the direction which the hippogriff flew off in.

"That was a family friend of mine, Tsume," Inoichi replied, starring off in the same direction, a single tear trailing down his face. "That was a family friend."

* * *

Early the next morning, Harold and company (minus Kankuro, who had to return to Suna) was over at Tsume's place, hanging out in the dining room. "So the big bake sale this year has been dedicated to raising funds to help Shikamaru and his family get back on their feet since their house got burned down," Harold said.

"Yes, although the original plan was to raise money for an abandoned cat sanctuary," Inoichi pointed out.

"Raising money to help Shikamaru and his family is a FAR better goal!" Tsume proclaimed as she set a plate full of brownies on the dining table; it sat next to another plate of brownies that was already there.

"These brownies that I just sat down will be our own little bake goody today," Tsume said to the other humans, "They're my…special brownies."

"Oh ho! Looks like baked goods won't be the ONLY things getting baked today!" Harold exclaimed as he rubbed his hands together.

"Didn't Lady Fifth ban the growth, processing, buying and selling of pot during her tenure as Hokage?" Kuromaru asked, "You know, because of that second ice cream truck incident during Kiba's late teens?"

"That circus clown was responsible for everything and you know it!" Tsume exclaimed, pointing dramatically at her ninja dog.

"Hey, what's with the second plate of brownies?" Inoichi asked, pointing to the pre-existing plate.

"Oh, my daughter-in-law is going to sell that at her table at today's bake sale," Tsume explained, "They're just regular brownies."

"Because your daughter-in-law isn't fun," Harold remarked.

"I know, right?!" Tsume agreed.

Before any of the older ninjas could grab one of Tsume's 'special brownies', a female voice called out, "Hey mama Tsume, can I ask for a favor?" The seniors turned their attention to the source of the voice, who just entered the dining room; it was Sakaki Inuzuka, daughter-in-law of Tsume Inuzuka.

"What's up, Sakaki?" Tsume asked.

"Can you go and pick up the items on this list?" Sakaki asked as she handed a list to Tsume, "I would do it, but I have to get ready for the big bake sale."

Looking at the list, Tsume said, "…Ah, what the hell? Come on, boys. We got a job to do." After Tsume and the boys left, Sakaki turned her attention to the two plates of brownies on the dining room table.

" _Did mama Tsume make a plate of brownies for the big bake sale_?" Sakaki thought. Shrugging indifferently, Sakaki picked up both plates and took them with her.

...

A few minutes later, Harold and company returned, carrying a few bags of purchased items. "That girl had BETTER pay me back for this!" Tsume swore as she and the boys sat the bags down.

"Well look on the bright side," Harold pointed out, "We have a plate of special brownies to tide us over in the meanwhile!"

"Indeed," Inoichi agreed, "Our worries and angers will melt away in rich chocolaty oh sweet God the special brownies are missing!"

Alarmed, everyone looked to where the plate of special brownies once sat; both it and the plate of regular brownies were missing. "Hey, Tsume," Harold began, "Do…do you think your daughter-in-law may have taken both plates of brownies?"

"If she did," Tsume replied in a worried tone, "Then we're all in a heap of trouble."

"Let's track Sakaki down and get the special brownies back before it's too late!" Inoichi said, leading the others out the front door.

As they ran, Kuromaru remarked, "Tsume, you do realize that you should not have set a plate of your pot brownies next to a plate of regular brownies the day your daughter-in-law is set to sell some of her baked goods at a bake sale."

* * *

Later that morning, Sakaki sat at a table she was manning at the big bake sale; her table, as it just so happened, was set up next to the table manned by Harold's wife Sophia. At least half of Sophia's baked good had already been purchased. "Those two Akimichi men sure were hungry," Sakaki said to the older Fisher woman.

"The ninja of the Akimichi clan does have that sort of a reputation, yes," Sophia agreed with a nod. As the two women talked, Hinata Uzumaki, along with her daughter Natsu, and Natsu's recently acquired pet (talking) cat Pantherlily, came up to Sakaki's table.

"I say, miss Natsu," Pantherlily said as he looked up at his owner, "The smells coming from all of these tables are simply divine!"

"Well it is a bake sale, Pantherlily," the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl replied with a slight giggle.

"Oh, Kiba told me that your daughter got a cat," Sakaki said to the Uzumaki matriarch, "But he didn't mention it was a talking cat."

"Maybe he thought that it was not all that big a deal," Hinata replied, "After all, Mayamaru is a talking cat."

"Good point," the Inuzuka/Nekozuka woman agreed with a nod.

"Anywho, my daughter and I were hoping to find someone selling cinnamon rolls, but we've yet to find someone," Hinata began.

"Oh, Mrs. Fisher had a plate of cinnamon rolls, but two Akimichi clan men bought it," Sakaki said, gesturing to Sophia's table next to her.

With a nod of confirmation, Sophia added, "Along with four dozen cookies, two pies, a cake, a dozen muffins, a dozen cupcakes, a plate of brownies-"

"They must have been hungry," Hinata remarked in an amazed tone, interrupting the Fisher matriarch in the process.

Pointing to two plates of brownies on Sakaki's table, Natsu said, "Hey mother, Mrs. Inuzuka has brownies as well."

"I was only supposed to have one plate," Sakaki explained as she got Hinata's attention, "But mama Tsume must have made an extra plate, since I counted two. Figuring that she must have wanted to help raise money to help Ino and her family, I decided to take both plates with me to the bake sale."

With a knowing look, Hinata said, "Kiba's mother must been happy to hear that the bake sale switched from raising funds for the abandoned cat sanctuary to raising funds to help out Ino and her family."

Sighing in a defeated tone, Sakaki remarked, "Knowing mama Tsume, that must be the case."

"So which plate of brownies did your mother-in-law make?" Hinata asked.

"Well I distinctly remembering using the blue-striped plate to hold the brownies that I made," Sakaki said as she gave it some thought. Looking closely at the two plates of brownies, Tsume said after a few seconds, "…Aha! Mama Tsume used the red-striped plate!"

"Well then, I guess that I'll take that one then," Hinata said as she got out some money.

"Oh, thank you," Sakaki replied as she sold Tsume's brownies to Hinata.

* * *

A few minutes later, Harold and company had arrived at the bake sale; the three humans were looking all around, hoping to find Tsume's daughter-in-law before it was too late. "If she sold those brownies already," Tsume said in a foreboding tone, "I swear that I'll-"

"Hey, mama Tsume! Over here!" Sakaki's voice called out, getting the group's attention. Spotting Sakaki's table (where Sakaki still sat; Sophia was no longer sitting at a table next to Sakaki, as she had to leave for some reason), Harold and company ran over.

"Sakaki, young lady, did you see where a plate of brownies Tsume made went to?" Harold asked, "Tsume made those for her, Inoichi and I to eat."

"Oh dear, you mean to tell me that those brownies WEREN'T meant for the bake sale?" Sakaki said in a worried tone, "I thought mama Tsume made them to be sold at the bake sale to help out Ino and her family."

"The boys and I have already taken care of OUR share of helping out my daughter and her family," Inoichi explained, "In fact, Michelle and I are letting them stay at our place until Lord Sixth can set them up in a new house. He treats his advisors, as well as their families, very well."

"So you meant to have those brownies for yourselves," Sakaki stated, making her statement sound somewhat like a question.

"Yes, those were meant for the boys and I," Tsume replied, "I got a box of deluxe dog biscuits for Kuromaru so he wouldn't feel left out."

"Oh dear, how am I going to explain this to Hinata?" Sakaki asked rhetorically, sounding mildly worried, "I mean, Hinata and her daughter got those brownies, and no doubt by now that-"

"Wait a minute there hold on," Harold interrupted. With Sakaki's full attention on him, the fisher patriarch said, "Did you just say that you sold those brownies to Lord Sixth's wife and daughter?"

"They seemed quite eager to try them," Sakaki remarked with a nod of confirmation, "I just hope little Natsu remembers not to let her cat have any. But knowing her, I don't have to worry. She's shown to be a very responsible cat-owner." All three older ninjas and Kuromaru went wide-eyed with shock mixed with a hint of worry.

"…Did you see which direction they went?" Tsume asked.

"I believe they went that way," Sakaki replied as she pointed in some random direction (the direction was random to Harold and his group, at least).

"Come on, boys! We have to go before it's too late!" Harold proclaimed as he and the others took off running in the direction that Sakaki pointed out.

* * *

Somewhere in the area of the bake sale, Hinata and her daughter were sitting on a bench; sitting between them was the plate of brownies they bought, now devoid of brownies. Laying on the ground at Natsu's feet was Pantherlily. The two Uzumaki/Hyuga females had eaten all of the brownies; the cat licked off the plate, only getting a small amount of crumbs that, combined, should not pose any significant threat to his well-being. All three of them had lazy, eyes-half closed looks on their faces. "H-hey Natsu," Hinata said in a lazy tone, "D-did I ever tell you that your father has an _AMAZING_ butt?"

"Pfft," Natsu snorted before fully giving into a case of the giggles.

"W-what's so funny, young lady?" Hinata asked, her tone not changing.

"Father has a butt," Natsu remarked in the same lazy tone as her mother before giggling again. Hinata snorted back a laugh before giving into it in full force.

"Yeah, that does sound pretty silly, now that you mention it," the Uzumaki matriarch remarked.

"H-hey mother," Natsu began, "I'm feeling peckish."

"You know what? So do I!" Hinata proclaimed as loudly as she could, which was barely louder than the tone she was using up until now.

"H-Haru said that he and his family would be here," Natsu said, "He said he wanted to get some stuff here with me."

"Maybe I can convince your father to get me some grindage as well," Hinata remarked in a slightly more relaxed tone, "I could really go for some cookies. Or a whole pizza."

"Don't forget the cheese-flavored puffs and citrus soda," Natsu pointed out.

"DOOD!" Hinata proclaimed as loud as she has managed so far, "That's brilliant! Let's get some grindage from our guys!"

"I-I-I shall go with miss…miss…miss eleven-year-old girl who owns me," Pantherlily said as he lazily got up (well cats always get up lazily, but Pantherlily did so more lazily than the average cat) to follow Natsu.

* * *

Later, somewhere in the area where the bake sale was taking place, Harold and company was walking around. "What if Hinata and her daughter recognize that the brownies they bought contain pot?" Kuromaru asked, "Not only will the lot of us get in trouble for possession, but Sakaki will also get in trouble for selling illegal contraband!"

"As much as I love the idea of my daughter-in-law in prison, she had no idea that she was selling goods," Tsume pointed out.

"Ignorance isn't an excuse," Kuromaru replied. Looking to Inoichi, Kuromaru said as he gave the Yamanaka patriarch a knowing look, "Isn't that right, Inoichi?"

"It was the accordion salesman and you know it!" Inoichi exclaimed. As the three older ninjas and one ninja dog walked, they bumped into the sixth (and current) Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki. With Naruto was Sasuke Uchiha and Shikamaru Nara.

"Hey Mr. Yamanaka, Ino wants to know more about the creature who rescued Inohime," Shikamaru said, "Especially since it claimed it rescued Inohime because it owed you a debt of some kind."

"Yeah, hippogriffs have a weird culture," Inoichi remarked as he scratched the back of his head, "Apparently, since I defeated him in battle but spared his life, Feather Edge says that he feels indebted to me."

"What the hell is a hippogriff?" Sasuke asked rhetorically. Before Inoichi could answer properly, Hinata came walking up to the group; the traditional Hyuga clan robes she normally wore were somewhat messed up, and her glasses were close to slipping off from one ear, which would leave them dangling from the other.

"N-Naruto! Dude!" Hinata said in her newfound lazy tone, throwing both arms around her husband's shoulder.

"Did Hinata just refer to Naruto as 'dude'?" Shikamaru whispered to Saasuke.

As the Uchiha man shrugged, Naruto said to Hinata, "Umm, dear, are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Hinata replied, "I can just _REALLY_ use some grindage and…pfft!"

As the Uzumaki/Hyuga woman started to snicker, Naruto said, "What's so funny?"

Putting her lips very close to Naruto's left ear, Hinata whispered, "You have a butt." With that, Hinata threw her head back and laughed like what she just said was the funniest thing in the world.

"Uhh…yeah, I do have a butt," Naruto replied in an unsure tone, sounding mildly worried about his wife's behavior.

"Wait!" Hinata exclaimed as loudly as she could manage (which wasn't all that much), "I just had a thought, Naruto! You have a *pfft* butt, right?" After Naruto nodded in the affirmative while still unsure how this was going to go, Hinata pointed to Sasuke and Shikamaru and asked, "Do they have butts too?"

"Uhh…yes, they do," Naruto replied, "I mean, they should have butts." Hinata kept her right hand on Naruto's shoulder in order to keep herself upright, because she started laughing hysterically, holding her left arm over her stomach.

"Hey Naruto, why is your wife acting like she's high?" Shikamaru asked Naruto, clearly looking alarmed.

"Uhh, about that," Inoichi said as he, Harold and Tsume started to look guilty, "The boys and I MAY have something to do with that." Turning to face the older ninja, Naruto had a look of total calmness. But Harold and his friends knew that there was a very strong storm brewing behind that calm.

"You have one minute to explain yourselves," the sixth lord Hokage replied.

* * *

Somewhere else in the area where the bake sale was taking place, Haru Uchiha was walking with Natsu; the Uchiha boy was surprised that the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl was so eager to try as many things as possible at the bake sale. Shikaru warned him about 'girls obsessing over keeping themselves thin', or words to that effect. But Natsu was obviously an exception, if her current attitude was an indication; her appetite made her seem more like an Akimichi than an Uzumaki or Hyuga. If that were the case, Haru thought, then Natsu was the skinniest Akimichi he ever saw. At this point, Haru was now starting to support/carry Natsu, who seemed very tired.

"H-hey Haru," Natsu said in a lazy tone, "My mother and I h-had a revelation earlier."

"What would that be?" Haru asked.

Putting her lips very close to Haru's ear, Natsu whispered, "My father has a butt."

As Natsu threw her head back and started to snicker, Haru replied in an unsure tone, "Umm, yes, that would be accurate to say, I suppose."

"Oh! I just had a thought!" Natsu exclaimed suddenly (but not all that loud). Pointing to Haru, Natsu asked, "Do YOU have a butt too?"

"Umm…yes?" Haru answered, growing more and more concerned with Natsu's behavior at the moment.

"H-hey Haru," Natsu said. Putting her lips close to Haru's ear again, Natsu whispered, "I wanna see it."

"WAIT, WHAT?!" Haru exclaimed, clearly alarmed. Suddenly, Haru and Natsu both heard repeated, rapid-fire meowing. Looking up, they saw Pantherlily was chasing his tail with such force that the circles he was running in gave him enough thrust and lift to enable him to fly.

"Haru, look!" Natsu exclaimed as she pointed to her cat, "Pantherlily is flying!" As she started to snicker again, the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl added, "And I don't even have HM02." With all of the weirdness that was going on, Haru had one thought; he had to let Lord Sixth and his father know what the hell is going on.

* * *

"…So let me see if I have this correct," Naruto said to the three older ninja in a clearly annoyed tone, "Mrs. Inuzuka made brownies with pot in them for the three of you to eat. But Sakaki took them with her to sell at the bake sale, mistakenly believing them to be a show of Mrs. Inuzuka trying to help out with the bake sale. Then Hinata and Natsu bought the pot brownies, and apparently ate them all." Giving the three older ninja a stern(er) look, Naruto said, "There IS a reason why Lady Tsunade made pot illegal in Konoha."

"Hey, Sakaki wasn't supposed to take the special brownies the boys and I were going to eat!" Tsume defended.

"So Naruto," Shikamaru began, "Your wife, and probably your daughter as well, are currently under the effects of illegal drugs thanks to my father-in-law, his friends, and technically Kiba's wife by virtue of the fact that she was the one who sold them the pot brownies in the first place."

"Sakaki WILL have to face some sort of punishment from the law for her role in this mess, even IF it was unintentional and she did so without knowing about it," Sasuke said, "But is it possible to show her some lenience? For Kiba's sake?"

"I started considering something along those lines for Sakaki the instant her role in this mess was brought up," Naruto replied, "And I can try to make an argument that this is technically her first ever run-in with the law." Pointing to Harold and the other older ninja, Naruto added, "But these three have so many offences, each of their respective rap sheets have more pages than the fifth Harry Potter book! I can't say they'll get off so easily."

"Oh come ON, Lord Sixth!" Inoichi complained, "Everyone knows the only reason why Lady Fifth banned pot was because the news storm it created distracted people from the fact that she embezzled villages funds to pay off/fuel her gambling addiction!"

"Which…is part of the reason why I'm trying to cut through layers of red tape to legalize pot here in Konoha," Naruto replied at length.

"Look Lord Sixth, as his granduncle, Haru needs me to not go to did you just say you are trying to legalize pot?" Harold asked.

"I've been working on it since a month and a half ago," Naruto replied to the surprised looking older ninja, "It's legal in Suna, whose medics have discovered that it has a surprisingly high number of uses in the field of medicine."

"Sakura says that she's wanting to study these uses, and she can't properly do so if the material in question is illegal in Konoha," Sasuke added.

"The three of you WILL have to serve some kind of punishment in the mean while," Naruto said to the three older ninja, "But once I can finally get pot legalized here in Konoha, people serving pot-related time in prison will have their sentences reviewed and revised. Some may even be let out of prison altogether."

"Woohoo! Pot's going to get did you just say the three of us have to go to prison?" Harold exclaimed, diverging from his trail of thought midsentence. At that moment, Haru came walking up to the group, carrying Natsu over his back.

"Natsu ate more baked goods today than I can expect most Akimichi clan members to eat," Haru stated, "Also, she asked me to show her my butt."

"Wait, what?!" Naruto exclaimed, clearly caught off guard.

"You better not have done so, young man!" Sasuke said in a stern tone.

"I didn't show Natsu my butt, I swear!" Haru defended, "As a matter of fact, I'm still shocked that she'd ask such a thing of me! Also, Natsu's cat can fly now."

"My daughter's cat…" Naruto said at length, as if he had trouble believing what he was just told, "…Can fly."

"Someone used HM02 on Pantherlily!" Natsu complained in a tired, lazy tone, "I don't even have the badge that will let him use Fly outside of battle!" After that little bit, Natsu promptly fell asleep, snoring uncharacteristically loud for a girl such as her.

Naruto looked at Harold, Inoichi and Tsume. "…Yeah, the three of you are going to prison," Naruto said.

* * *

Harold, Inoichi and Tsume were sitting at a table in the dining area of Konoha's local prison, eating lunch. All three of them were wearing orange prison jump suits. "Well look on the bright side, boys," Harold said, "Lord Sixth says that we'll be released early as soon as he gets pot legalized here in Konoha."

"A damn good thing Kiba's taking care of Kuromaru for me," Tsume added, pointing her fork to Harold before using it to shovel a fork full of food into her mouth. Tsume and the boys were surprised when Sakaki sat down next to Tsume (Harold and Inoichi sat opposite of Tsume at their table).

"Well this is just great," Sakaki said in a cheesed-off tone, "Now my son has a convicted felon for a mother. Lovely. Just lovely."

"Hey, Bankai's granny is a convicted felon," Tsume offered. After being shot a piercing glare by her daughter-in-law, Tsume said, "Right. Sorry."

"Hey, Kiba's also looking after your cat for you, right?" Inoichi asked.

"Yeah, Kiba and Bankai are pulling double duty, looking after both Kuromaru AND Mayamaru while mama Tsume and I are both stuck in here," Sakaki replied.

"Hey, did you know that pot was legalized in Suna sometime during the first Kazekage's tenure?" Harold asked Sakaki.

"Really? It's been legal in Suna for that long?" Sakaki answered in a tone showing surprise, mixed with a mild amount of interest.

"The boys and I would often have holidays in Suna," Inoichi explained as he began to tell his story, "These holidays are basically just excuses for the boys and I to smoke some of that sweet, sweet cuss with Kankuro."

"As the older brother of the current Kazekage, Kankuro is able to get ahold of the dankest of weed," Harold added, "Smoking pot is the only way that most folks would be able to understand that pink horse that Inoichi's granddaughter likes so much."

"…That makes WAY too much sense," Sakaki replied in a monotone.

END, CHAPTER TWELVE

Author's notes:

(1) This particular male Konoha citizen is voiced by my older sister. She aspires to do voice work.

(2) Which was surprising, given that he was boxed in by Kankuro.

(3) Feather Edge the hippogriff has the same voice as that gargoyle from Futurama.

Well anywho, here's chapter twelve for you. I was a little hesitant to put the idea for this chapter to words, but I decided to go for it anyway. The humor potential for such a plot is too good to pass up.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter thirteen: Prison Party (AKA people who worked together and then end up in prison shouldn't be Conveniently Cellmates)

"Alright, ya stains on society! Up 'n at 'em!"

Harold Fisher, the oldest active jonin in Konoha (oldest active ninja overall), along with his best friend Inoichi Yamanaka, were rudely woken up by an overzealous, overweight prison guard. Harold and Inoichi, along with their friend Tsume Inuzuka, and Tsume's daughter-in-law Sakaki, were all serving a prison sentence due to handling/distributing pot. The drug is, at this moment, currently illegal in Konoha.

Sure, the sixth (and current) Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki, is currently working on trying to repeal the ban on pot, and once that's done, those serving prison sentences due exclusively to pot-related offences will have their cases reviewed; Harold and the others were told that they'd pretty much be released after the pot ban is repealed. But until then, Harold and the others are stuck in prison for the time being.

As Harold and Inoichi groggily got up and were led out of their prison cell by the previously mentioned prison guard, along with other guards leading other prisoners out, Harold whispered to Inoichi, "Aren't prison guards like that dude normally black?"

"Ehh, it varies," Inoichi replied, "Anywho, they're leading us to the showers right now. I trust that you'll have my back in case I accidentally drop my soap?"

"I'll have your back if you have mine," Harold agreed with a nod.

* * *

Later that morning, the prisoners were all in the prison cafeteria to eat breakfast. Harold and Inoichi, while seated that what had become their usual table, were met up by Tsume and her daughter-in-law Sakaki. "'Sup, boys," Tsume greeted as she and Sakaki sat down opposite of Harold and Inoichi.

"So now that the lot of us are currently in the big house, what should we do?" Inoichi asked.

"I figured I'd try the whole prison experience," Harold replied, "You know, get a prison tattoo, get involved in at least one prison riot, try at least one escape. You know, the whole package."

"This ISN'T a prison comedy, Mr. Fisher," Sakaki stated, putting a noticeable amount of stress behind saying 'isn't'.

"Now Sakaki, I know you're upset about being in prison," Harold said to Sakaki in an understanding tone, "And I know you're concerned about how Bankai will take this. Trust me when I say that he'll think you having served prison time will make you the most badass mother in the history of mothers."

Raising an eyebrow in confusion, Sakaki said, "Really, Mr. Fisher?"

"Hey, this is, like, my fourth time in the big house," Tsume remarked casually with a shrug, "And Bankai says I'm the most badass grandma in the history of grandmas."

"Well alright, I suppose," Sakaki remarked, "But I still don't like the idea of even being is prison in the first place."

"Relax," Harold said in a reassuring tone, "The boys and I have you back."

* * *

Later that day, the prisoners were in an outdoor work-out area; Harold was lifting weights while Inoichi was spotting him. Tsume and Sakaki were both watching. "Woo!" Harold exclaimed after setting the weight back on the rack, "That was a workout!" After he put the barbell back, Harold took out a small spiral notebook and a pen from his right back pocket. Flipping the notebook open, Harold clicked the pen, used it to seemingly cross something off of a list, then clicked the pen again before putting it and the little spiral notebook back into his back pocket.

"Well that takes care of the 'lifting weights in prison' item on my checklist," Harold remarked.

"I seriously cannot believe you've actually written up a list of prison clichés that you want to experience," Sakaki remarked to the Fisher patriarch as she shook her head slowly.

"So what's up next on your list, dude?" Inoichi asked.

"Well I wanna try and get that prison tattoo," Harold began, "But the four of us have to get ready for auditioning and practicing for the play that's going to be held on Friday evening."

"Isn't participating in a prison production also on your list?" Sakaki asked sarcastically.

Taking his list back out, Harold took a second to check it before saying, "Hey yeah, it IS on my list!"

"Why am I not surprised?" Sakaki remarked in a monotone.

"So, what's the play about?" Inoichi asked as he and the others started walking towards a door leading to the inside of the prison.

"It's a dramatization of the events leading up to Lord Sixth becoming the Hokage," Harold explained.

"Wait, the play is about Naruto?" Sakaki asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Given that Lord Sixth is technically a historically significant person, it doesn't surprise me that there's a play about his rise to fame," Tsume remarked with a nod.

"Who wrote the play?" Sakaki asked.

"The guard that's handling the auditions and everything told me that the prison warden wrote it," Inoichi answered, "In fact, the prison warden writes all of the plays that are performed here, from what I've been told. He fancies himself as a master playwright of sorts."

"Oh great," Tsume remarked in a tone showing that she wasn't going to like where this was going, "The warden's one of _THOSE_ kinds of people."

* * *

In the prison's theater, a number of prisoners (including Harold and the others) were on stage as a prison guard was sitting in the audience. There were other prison guards at strategic points in the prison theater, so as to prevent the prisoners from causing too much trouble. "Alright, who's trying out first?" the guard in the audience loudly said to the prisoners on stage.

Harold stepped forward at this prompting. "Hello," Harold greeted as he took the center spot on stage, "I am Harold Fisher, and I will be trying out for the role of Lord Sixth's daughter."

"Wait, Naruto's daughter is a character in this play?" Sakaki whispered to Inoichi.

"Yes she is," Inoichi whispered back as he checked his copy of the script, "She won't appear until late into the play, though."

"And Mr. Fisher is trying out for the role of Naruto's daughter," Sakaki said back in a whisper, "Why?!"

"For the lulz," Inoichi explained with a grin, "It's the same reason why I'm trying out for the role of Lord Sixth's wife." After Harold was done with his audition, he walked back to where the prisoners were standing on stage.

"Alright, next prisoner," the guard in the audience called out.

This time, Tsume stepped forward. "Hello," Tsume greeted as she took to the center spot on stage, "I am Tsume Inuzuka, and I will be trying out for the role of Harold Fisher."

* * *

Later that day, Harold and the others were in the cafeteria area having dinner. "Can you believe it?!" Tsume snapped, "I did a _SPOT ON_ impression of Harold, and instead the role of Harold was given to Harold himself!"

"I'm guessing that having the actual Mr. Fisher available to play the role of himself was a very alluring opportunity to the guard hosting the auditions," Sakaki pointed out.

"I would have TOTALLY rocked the role of Lord Sixth's daughter," Harold said in a mildly upset tone.

"Hey Harold," Inoichi began, "I know just the thing to make you feel better."

"What would that be?" Harold asked.

"Continuing the process of doing the things on your 'prison experience' checklist," Inoichi pointed out, "I'm thinking we should try the riot one."

"No, no you two are NOT starting a prison riot!" Sakaki declared.

"Geez, you're worse that Kuromaru," Tsume remarked in an annoyed tone, "They're just wanting to blow off some steam. Plus, Harold needs to experience as many of the things on his list before we're all released. Let them have their fun."

"There's a problem, though," Harold said to the women in his group, "I have no idea what would be the best way to start a riot."

"I just had an idea," Inoichi replied as he patted his best friend on the right shoulder, "Watch this." Inoichi got up from the table he and his group was seated at, then walked a few tables over, and got the attention on one of the prisoners sitting at that table. He was at least six feet tall, had a shaved head, was very muscular, and he wore a sleeveless orange prison jumpsuit; on both biceps you can see that the prisoner had the symbol of the survey corps tattooed. "Hey dude," Inoichi said to the prisoner once he had his attention.

"What do you want?" the prisoner snapped, annoyed that his dinner was interrupted.

"You see that guy over there?" Inoichi asked, pointing out another prisoner; this prisoner was as tall as the first one, yet he wasn't anywhere near as muscular (he was thin yet healthy), and had long, dishwater blonde dreadlocks.

"Yeah, what about that jerk?" the first prisoner asked.

"He said, and I'm quoting him on this one," Inoichi replied, "That 'Attack on Titan' is a vastly inferior series compared to 'Sword Art Online'."

"THAT SON OF A BITCH!" the first prisoner exclaimed, slamming his hands on the table surface as he got up.

Inoichi walked back to the table his group was at in time to watch the first prisoner slug the second one in the face. The other prisoners sitting at the table with the second prisoner got up and started fighting the first prisoner. Before half a minute passed, pretty much every last one of the prisoners in the cafeteria area, save for Harold and his group, started fighting each other. Harold and the others watched as the prison guards were trying and (so far) failing to quell the prison riot that Inoichi started. Turning to face his best friend, Harold said, "Thank you."

"No problem," Inoichi replied as he patted Harold on the back, "Now go get 'em."

* * *

The next day, Inoichi was sitting in his cell, reading a book brought to him by the prison librarian, when two prison guards led Harold back to the cell. "Let that paddling we gave you be a lesson to deter you from trying to escape via hiding in a laundry cart full of dirty prison jumpsuits," the one guard said as he and his companion threw Harold back into the cell.

After closing the cell door behind Harold, Inoichi looked at his best friend and said, "The punishment for attempting to escape prison in Konoha is a paddling?"

"My ass may feel hotter than the light of a thousand suns, but at least my sentence wasn't extended," Harold replied as he pulled out his little checklist to cross of 'attempt to escape from prison'.

After he put the little notebook and pen back into his right back pocket, Harold asked, "What are you reading?"

"One of the 'Friendship is Magic' chapter books," Inoichi replied, "It's the one centered around Discord."

"I'm surprised that the prison library would have one of those books," Harold remarked as he crawled onto the top bunk (Inoichi sat on the bottom bunk).

"I'm kind of surprised they have it as well," Inoichi remarked as Harold pulled his copy of the script for the prison play on Friday out from under his pillow.

"I have to practice my lines for my role in the play on Friday," Harold said, "You should practice too, dude."

"It sucks that I didn't get the role of Lord Sixth's wife that I tried out for," Inoichi remarked as he put a bookmark in his book, set it aside, and pulled out his own copy of the prison play script out from under his pillow.

"Oh yeah," Harold said, "What role did you get instead?"

"I'm playing the role of myself," Inoichi replied.

"You're a character in the play, too?" Harold said, "Dude! I'M a character in the play! And I'm playing myself!"

"It's remarkable that the prison warden considers our interactions with Lord Sixth important enough to make us characters in the play about Lord Sixth's life," Inoichi said, "Although to be completely honest, it would have been funny as hell if we both got the roles we respectively tried out for."

"My grandnephew hangs out with Hiashi's granddaughter enough that I have a fairly decent idea about how to act as her," Harold remarked, "That girl is essentially all about video games, cinnamon rolls, and cats."

* * *

Later that day, Harold was whistling a happy, upbeat tune as he sat down at the usual table he and his group always sat at. "Why are you so chipper?" Tsume asked Harold before shoveling a forkful of prison food into her mouth.

"I crossed off another item on my 'prison experience' checklist," Harold explained.

"Yeah, which item was it, dude?" Inoichi asked. Before Harold was able to answer, two guards went running past their table.

"One of the prisoners was found stabbed to death in the showers?!" the first guard said.

"We're going to have to search all of the prisoners for a shiv, it looks like," the second guard replied before he and his companion were out of earshot.

Looking to Harold, Sakaki said in a shocked tone, "You DIDN'T, Mr. Fisher."

"Hey, it was one of the prison snitches anyway," Harold replied indifferently with a shrug, "Besides, I planted the toothbrush whose handle I sharpened into a shiv on another prisoner."

"Which one?" Tsume asked.

"The big one that Inoichi tricked into starting the riot," Harold explained.

As Inoichi and Tsume shared a laugh, Sakaki shook her head as she said, "I have so much that I have to write in my personal journal when I get out."

* * *

After lunch, Harold and his group, along with a few other prisoners, were back on the stage in the prison theater for a practice session for the play on Friday. "Anywho, before we begin," the guard hosting the practice said, "I have some sad news. Lenny Weasel was shivved to death earlier this morning in the prison showers by Bruno Tank. With Lenny's death and Tank being put into solitary, their respective roles of Teuchi the ramen guy and Sakura Uchiha are now currently available."

"Will we be holding try-outs for those roles before we begin practice for today?" one of the prisoners in the group on stage asked.

"Yes, yes we will," replied the guard holding practice, "Who wants to try out for the role of Sakura Uchiha?"

"Yo, I'll give it a shot," Harold said as he raised his right hand.

"I'll give playing as the ramen dude the old college try," Inoichi declared.

"Alright, you two," replied the guard holding practice, "You will have a scene together on page twenty-seven. Flip to that page and try your respective lines."

* * *

That evening, Harold and Inoichi were in the men's showers in the prison, having just finished their showers (both men wearing towels around their waists). "Thanks again for helping me keep from dropping my soap," Harold said as he patted Inoichi on the left shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure that getting violated in prison is NOT one of the items on your 'prison experience' list," Inoichi remarked.

"No, no it is not," Harold confirmed, "And neither is violating someone in prison. There is only one person in the world who can have a piece of the awesomeness that is Harold Fisher. And her name is Sophia Fisher."

"Yo, pink hair!" a grouchy sounding male voice called out. Harold and Inoichi saw a large male prisoner approach them; he was at least half a foot taller than Bruno Tank, and somewhat more muscular. However, he also had something of a paunch, but it was of a negligible size at most. "You took the last pudding at dinner," the large prisoner said to in a threatening tone to Harold. Pounding his left fist into his right hand, the large prisoner said, "Both you, and your little blonde friend here since he's close by, are in for a word of hurt! Got any last words before I turn your faces into Picassos?!"

Both Harold and Inoichi panicked, but Inoichi calmed down when he noticed that the large prisoner had a tattoo on his right bicep (the large prisoner also wore nothing but a towel around his waist). It was a tattoo of a large, six-pointed star that was light purple in color. There were six smaller points, white in color, peeking out from the spaces between the larger points. Around the large light-purple six-pointed star were five smaller white-colored six-pointed stars.

"I have two for you," Inoichi said to the large prisoner as he gave him a frim glare, "Sunshine, sunshine."

"…Ladybugs awake?" the large prisoner replied in a mildly confused tone, lowering his raised fist at the same time.

"Clap your hooves…" Inoichi said, then in unison with the large prisoner said, "And do a little shake!" Inoichi and the large prisoner then did a double high-five while saying, "Booya!"

As Inoichi and the large prisoner shared a laugh, Harold asked, "Yo Inoichi, what is going on?"

"Ah ha, it's okay, dude," Inoichi replied, "I don't think this guy will be wanting to pound us in the face."

"Yo man, pink-hair here is with you?" the large prisoner asked Inoichi.

"Yeah, he and I have been best friends since we were both three," Inoichi explained.

"Aww man, sorry for threating to pound you and pink-hair in the face," the large prisoner apologized, "It's just that I really like pudding."

"Hey, my adult daughter also loves pudding," Inoichi explained, "She once punched out my friend Choza's son for accidentally dropping and spilling a vanilla pudding cup."

Pointing to Harold, the large prisoner asked, "Is pink-hair here that Choza dude you brought up?"

"Nah, this is Harold Fisher," Inoichi corrected.

"Oh! He's a character in the play on Friday," the large prisoner remarked. To Harold, the large prisoner said, "I'm in the play too. I'm playing the role of someone named Sophia Fisher. You know who that is?"

"That's…my wife," Harold replied, stunned that the large prisoner will be playing the role of Sophia.

"Oh, umm, wow," the large prisoner remarked in an embarrassed tone, "Can't believe I almost pounded my co-star in the face. Over pudding."

"Ehh, Ino's done worse over pudding," Inoichi remarked with a casual shrug. (1)

* * *

That Friday evening, prisoners gathered in the prison theater to watch the play. Stepping on stage in front of the drawn curtains was the prison warden. He was tall, had a lean yet healthy build, his light brown hair was brushed and slicked back, and the warden wore a suit. The kind that you'd normally see a prison warden wear. "Thank you all for coming to the opening night of my latest production," the warden said to the audience of prisoners.

"It's not like we have a choice in the matter, asshole!" a random prisoner in the audience shouted.

"And without further ado," the warden continued, "I present to you 'Uzumaki: The life of a Hokage'." The prison warden got off of the stage so that the play could begin. The prisoners in the audience cheered and clapped as the play began, but it was mostly out of doing so for the sake of formality.

* * *

Sometime the following week, Harold and his group were standing in a meeting room; opposite of them was a long table at which six high ranking prison guards sat. Sitting dead center, with three guards on each side, was the prison warden himself. "Since Lord Sixth had officially repealed the pot ban late yesterday evening, we are required to review the cases of prisoners that are in due exclusively to pot-related charges," the warden began, "Depending on the severity of the charge or charges any prisoner may have, changes to that prisoner's punishment may range from anywhere between a reduction in the length of one's sentence to releasing the prisoner altogether."

"You four, for example," said the prison guard on the warden's immediate left, "Are to be released from prison."

"Woohoo!" Harold cheered, pumping both fists into the air.

"Uhh, yes," the warden remarked in an unsure tone, having been surprised by Harold's exclamation, "The fact that the extent of your usage was constricted exclusively to consuming cannabis that was baked into brownies, the four of you weren't going to stay in prison all that long anyway. Even with the fact that your cannabis brownies were consumed by Lord Sixth's wife and daughter without either of them knowing what was in the brownies they ate."

"Reports also claimed that Lord Sixth's daughter's cat licked up a few crumbs and, as such, also fell under the effects of cannabis," said the guard on the warden's immediate right, "Although I'm doubting the part that says, and I'm quoting the report on this one, 'Lord Sixth's daughter's cat literally _flew_ over Konoha airspace'." (2)

"You'd be surprised to hear how often talking cats gain and or are born with the ability to fly," Sakaki remarked to the guard.

After that guard acknowledged Sakaki's remark with a nod, the warden continued, "Well anywho, as per the request made by Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, each of them shall be provided with a briefcase, a necktie, and either a trilby hat or a fedora."

Looking to Tsume and the men, Sakaki said, "Why would all three of you each want those things?"

"The boys and I will all wear the hats and neckties that we're provided with, and carry the briefcase we're provided with as we leave the prison," Harold explained, "Since we've been released and all."

Face palming, Sakaki muttered, "Why did I even bother asking?"

* * *

That evening, Harold was back at his home, enjoying dinner with his family. His wife, Sophia, sat next to him at the dining table. Going clockwise around the table starting from Sophia, Sakura, Sasuke, Haru, Mebuki and Kizashi (the last of those seated on Harold's other side) were all seated at the table. "Here's to my brother-in-law getting released from prison," Kizashi said as he raised his glass into the air.

After everyone else raised their glasses into the air for the toast, Sakura said, "Hey Aunt Sophia, I'm surprised you haven't yet expressed any disappointment in Uncle Harold for getting arrested."

"Oh, he's gotten in bigger trouble for worse things," Sophia remarked causally, "Plus, it's rather hard for me to get mad at Harold, much less stay mad at him."

"You don't say," Sasuke said, stabbing a bit of pork chop with his fork.

Nodding in confirmation, Sophia said, "Why, I haven't been able to get angry at anyone for essentially any reason since before Sakura turned ten."

"That reminds me, Sophia, I've noticed that you've been practically totally calm for twenty or so years," Mebuki pointed out, "How do you manage it? Is it some sort of meditation technique or breathing exercise or anything else along those lines? Because if so, I'd love it if you'd show me. I can't tell you how much I could have used something along those lines when Kizashi forgot my birthday last year."

"I said I was sorry, dear!" Kizashi exclaimed.

"Hmm, let me think…" Sophia said, looking up at the ceiling as she tapped her lips with her right index finger. After a few seconds, Sophia snapped her fingers and said, "Aha! I think I have it!"

"So what's your secret to staying so calm and collected, despite the fact you're married to my older brother?" Mebuki asked.

"I believe it has something to do with my cooking," Sophia remarked.

As everyone else around the table looked at the Fisher matriarch, Haru said, "Your cooking? Well you DO make some really good peanut butter cookies, Aunt Sophia."

Chuckling softly, Sophia said, "Thank you, dear. In fact, I didn't really get to sell the peanut butter cookies I made for the bake sale from a short while ago. If you want, you can have some after dinner."

"Yes!" Haru cheered, pumping a fist into the air, causing Sophia and Mebuki to both chuckle.

"But back to the subject at hand, Sophia," Mebuki said, "You claim that your calm demeanor has something to do with your cooking?"

Nodding, Sophia said, "Well not so much the food I make itself, rather than the ingredients I use. The oregano, in particular."

"Oregano?" Sakura asked. Getting up, Sophia walked over to a cabinet in the kitchen, opened it, and pulled out a sandwich-sized plastic bag filled with a dark-greenish plant-like item.

"I ran out of oregano one time when I was doing some cooking," Sophia explained, "Then I found this bag of oregano that Harold picked up. It wasn't store-bought, given that it came in the little plastic bag, so I assume that he bought it down at the farmer's market…and…umm, everyone, why are you staring at me like I messed up?"

Everyone at the table stared at the Fisher matriarch with wide-eyed shock. Everyone except Haru, who remarked, "Wow, that must be some awesome oregano."

Looking to the other adults at the table, Harold in particular, Sakura said, "Well at least it's legal now." (3)

END, CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Author's Notes:

(1) Given how much she loves eating pudding, it's rather surprising how Ino manages to stay so thin.

(2) Natsu STILL lacks the badge that would allow Pantherlily use Fly outside of battle.

(3) If it makes you feel any better, Sophia never used any 'oregano' in any baked goods she made, cookies for Haru included.

I would like to sincerely apologize for having to take down the chapter temporarily; I had meant to upload it earlier properly, but due to obligations I had today, such as attending a club meeting and going to a blood drive, I uploaded the chapter in a less than perfect form when I was done. Hopefully this will be fixed.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter fourteen: Uzumaki: The life of a Hokage (AKA Historical Badass Upgrade often equals Historically Inaccurate)

The curtains on the stage in the prison theater were drawn open. The background showed that the scene was set in Winter, what with the snow-covered ground and tree tops. In approximately the center of the stage was Sakaki Inuzuka, squatting down as three other inmate pretended to be punching and kicking her. Sakaki was dressed like she was a young girl dressed for Winter; the three other inmates dressed like young boys dressed for Winter. "Ah! Someone help me!" Sakaki hollered, faking a distressed tone.

"Back away from that girl, you curs!" a coarse female voice called out. Walking onto the scene from stage left was Tsume Inuzuka, the mother-in-law of Sakaki; Tsume was dressed like a young boy dressed for Winter, same as the three other inmates. However, Tsume was also wearing a red scarf.

"Hey, who are you?" said the first inmate, pointing a finger at Tsume in an accusing manner.

"I am Naruto Uzumaki, and I will one day be Hokage!" Tsume said. Holding up a sheet of paper that was crumpled up into a ball, Tsume said, "Have at you, foul villains!" Throwing the paper ball at the first inmate (and successfully hitting him), Tsume exclaimed, "Kunai attack!"

"Ah! I have been defeated!" said the first inmate as he jumped back.

Tsume threw two more paper balls at the other two inmates, one paper ball per inmate, shouting, "Kunai attack!" with each paper ball thrown. The other two inmates were also hit, exclaiming that they've been defeated as they were hit, then jumped back to join the first inmate. When all three were together, they ran out of the scene stage right. Walking up to the crouching Sakaki, Tsume offered her a hand and said, "Do not worry, for I have defeated those very bad people!"

"Thank you, brave hero," Sakaki said as she took Tsume's hand, getting up.

"What is your name, mysterious girl?" Tsume asked.

"I am Hinata Hyuga," Sakaki replied.

"You are very cute, Hinata," Tsume said, "We should be childhood sweethearts."

"Okay!" Sakaki said, taking Tsume by her right hand and walking off of the scene with her stage left. End Scene.

* * *

When the curtain opened for the next scene, it could be seen that this part of the play took part in the Leaf Village Ninja Academy. An inmate dressed as a teacher sat at a table opposite of a number of inmates, two of which were Tsume (dressed like twelve-year-old Naruto) and Sakaki (dressed like twelve-year-old Hinata). "Greeting, students," said the inmate dressed as a teacher, "I am Iruka Umino, and I will be testing you all to see if you are worthy of graduating from the Hidden Leaf Ninja Academy. The test will be on the clone technique. First up will be… Naruto Uzumaki."

Stepping forward, Tsume put her hands together in a gesture normally used to cast jitsu (1) and said, "Clone Jitsu!"

At that moment, Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka (both of which were dressed as twelve-year-old Naruto) came walking onto the scene stage right. "We're Naruto's clones," Harold said.

"Yeah, we're totally his clones," Inoichi added, "In fact, we're shadow clones."

"Great scot!" the inmate playing Iruka exclaimed as he stood up, "This is phenomenal! Naruto Uzumaki, you pass! With flying colors!"

"And this is my first time too!" Tsume exclaimed as everyone on stage cheered. At that moment, a really fat inmate with a gonk-like face and a bald head came walking in from stage left.

"Rawr, rawr, I am Mizuki!" the inmate said, "I am an evil ninja!"

"Kunai attack!" Tsume exclaimed as she threw a crumpled-up sheet of paper at the inmate playing Mizuki.

After getting hit, the inmate proclaimed, "Oh no! I have been defeated by a twelve-year-old!" Getting to his hands and knees, the inmate playing Mizuki said as he laid on the stage, "And now I am the dead. Bleh."

"Naruto! You saved Iruka-sensei's life!" exclaimed a tall, muscular black inmate (who is male) that was among the crowd playing other academy students.

"Of course I did, Ino Yamanaka," Tsume said, "I am Konoha's greatest hero, after all!"

"Hooray for Naruto!" Sakaki cheered, pumping a fist into the air. End Scene.

* * *

The next scene had Tsume, Harold, a skinny inmate, and a fat inmate with long brown hair with a gonk-like face in what appeared to be the local training grounds. "I am Kakashi Hatake, and I will be your jonin instructor, now that you all are genin," said the skinny inmate, "Fist off, I would like for you all to introduce yourselves."

"I am Choji Akimichi, and I like burritos," said the fat inmate.

"I am Sakura Haruno, and I'm totally crushing on that Sasuke dude that my Uncle Harold can TOTALLY take in a fight," Harold said.

"I am Naruto Uzumaki, and I am Konoha's greatest hero," Tsume said.

"Great scot!" the inmate playing Kakashi exclaimed as he pointed at Tsume, "You mean to tell me that YOU'RE Naruto Uzumaki?! The genin who single-handedly defeated Mizuki Assmore, the evil stupid ninja that wanted to assassinate Lord Third and kill all of the puppies that live in Konoha?!"

"Damn skippy!" Tsume proclaimed.

"Oh my God, I bet you get all the ladies, Naruto!" Harold declared.

"Oh, they certainly try, random pink-haired girl that I haven't met up until now," Tsume said, "But my heart already belongs to the prettiest and most beautiful of girls in Konoha!"

"You mean Hinata Hyuga?" the inmate playing Choji asked.

"If Hinata were my daughter, I'd offer you her hand in marriage right now," said the inmate playing Kakashi.

To Harold, Tsume and the fat inmate, the inmate playing Kakashi said, "Well anywho, back to business. I WAS going to do the bell test to see how well the lot of you worked together. But since we have a national hero as awesome and cool as Naruto on the team, I can safely say that this team passes with flying colors!"

"Hooray! Three cheers for Naruto!" Harold and the fat inmate cheered, and proceeded to say, "Hip, hip, Hooray!" three times in a row, alongside the inmate playing Kakashi. End Scene.

* * *

In the next scene, Tsume, Harold, the inmate playing Kakashi and the fat inmate were walking through the woods when a skinny inmate came walking in onto the stage from the other end. "Rawr, rawr, I am Zabuza!" said the skinny inmate.

"Oh no! It's Zabuza!" the inmate playing Kakashi exclaimed, "He is a super tough evil ninja that wants to take over the world and kill puppies!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Tsume declared as she threw a crumpled-up sheet of paper at the inmate playing Zabuza, "Kunai attack!"

"Oh no, I have been defeated!" the inmate playing Zabuza proclaimed as he was struck by the crumpled-up sheet of paper. Getting down to lay on the stage, the inmate playing Zabuza said, "And now I am the dead. Bleh."

"Holy balls, that was awesome, Naruto!" Harold proclaimed, "If it wasn't for the fact that Hinata already has dibs on you, I'd totally toss that Sasuke jerk to the side!"

"I may have boobs like a girl, but I am still a boy," said the fat inmate, "If I were a girl, I'd totally go for you, Naruto!"

"Thank you, Choji," Tsume replied. Before any of the actors could continue, a female inmate came onto the stage; she had long, beautiful auburn hair, a pretty face, and a thin yet healthy body.

"I am Haku, and you just killed my baby daddy Zabuza! I will defeat you with the power of my super-girly ness!" said the female inmate.

"Like hell you will!" Tsume declared as she threw a crumpled up sheet of paper at the female inmate playing Haku, "Kunai attack!"

"Oh no! I have been defeated!" the female inmate playing Haku exclaimed when she was hit by Tsume's projectile. Laying down on the stage, the female inmate said, "Now I am the dead as well. Bleh."

"Naruto has defeated yet another evil ninja!" the inmate playing Kakashi proclaimed, "Truly he is the greatest ninja in the history of forever!"

"No way that he can defeat I, Gato! I am the greatest of all ninja!" exclaimed a fat black inmate as he walked in on stage.

"Oh yeah?" Tsume said, walking up to the inmate and proceeding to pretending to punch him repeatedly.

"Augh! So many punches that are so strong! I have been slain!" the inmate playing Gato said as he laid down on the stage.

"Naruto has single-handedly saved the Land of Waves!" the inmate playing Kakashi proclaimed, "We are victorious!" End Scene.

* * *

In the next scene, a number of inmates were in what appeared to be the arena where the first portion of the first chunnin exam's combat phase took place. Tsume was facing off against a thin yet healthy male inmate who had medium-long black hair. The guy's face looked…above average. "I am Kiba Inuzuka," said the inmate opposite of Tsume, "And I shall defeat you, Naruto!"

"You can never defeat me, Kiba!" Tsume proclaimed, "Even IF your mother is totally awesome and rock'en!"

A fat inmate playing the role of Hayate said, "Okay, you two can begin fighting." The inmate playing the role of Kiba went running at Tsume, who simply threw a pretend punch that the inmate received on his face.

"Oh no! I have been beaten too much! I cannot continue!" the inmate playing Kiba proclaimed as he laid down on the stage.

"Naruto Uzumaki has defeated Kiba Inuzuka!" the inmate playing Hayate declared, raising a hand.

As the crowd of inmate playing the roles of the other genin taking part in the chunnin exams cheered, Tsume said, "Oh hells yeah! No one can defeat me, Naruto Uzumaki! I am the greatest!"

As Tsume walked up to join the other inmates, the fat inmate playing Hayate said, "Okay, next fight is between Hinata Hyuga and Neji Hyuga." At that moment, Sakaki (dressed as twelve-year-old Hinata) and the female inmate who played Haku (dressed as thirteen-year-old Neji) walked to center stage.

"Okay, you two can start fighting," said the fat inmate playing Hayate.

"I will beat you!" Sakaki yelled as she ran at the female inmate.

"Like hell you will, you frigg'en nerd!" the female inmate said, jabbing Sakaki in the gut (not all that hard, though).

"Ah! I am wounded!" Sakaki cried as she laid down on the stage, "Cough hack cough!"

"Neji Hyuga has defeated Hinata Hyuga," the fat inmate playing Hayate declared, "And from the looks of it, he also half-killed Hinata as well."

"You're a turd, Neji!" Tsume yelled, "You better hope I'm not paired to fight you in the next round!"

"A blonde r-tard like you cannot defeat a leet haxor munchkin such as I," the female inmate replied to Tsume.

"Okay, with all of the other fights having been taken care of, I will now announce the pairings for the next round of fighting," the fat inmate playing Hayate said, "Round one will be Naruto Uzumaki versus Neji Hyuga."

"Yes! I will get to pound the face of the bastard who dared to try and kill my sweetness!" Tsume said. Pointing to the female inmate playing Neji, Tsume said, "Prepared to get reckt, m8!"

"Oh no, I might actually be in serious trouble!" the female inmate playing Neji said, "But I am a stuck up snob who wrongly believes that he is better than every other genin, so I should be fine!"

"Okay, everyone go train for a month, then meet back at the big stadium in town," the fat inmate playing Hayate said. End Scene.

* * *

The next scene saw Tsume and the female inmate playing Neji in a setting similar to the arena where Naruto and Neji had their fight in the chunnin exams. "I will defeat you, girly boy!" Tsume said, "I trained with a perverted old guy who has a frog fetish! I cannot lose now, not that I ever could lose!"

"Oh no! I see that I really am in serious trouble!" said the female inmate playing Neji.

"Okay, you two can fight now," said the fat inmate who played Hayate, now playing the role of Genma.

Holding a softball in her hand, Tsume ran forward and shoved it into the stomach of the female inmate playing Neji while shouting, "Rasengan!"

"Ah! The power of your Rasengan, which you have perfectly mastered, is too much for me to take!" the female inmate playing Neji exclaimed, "I am defeated!"

After the female inmate playing Neji laid down on the stage, the fat inmate playing Genma said, "Naruto Uzumaki has defeated Neji Hyuga!"

"Woohoo! I am awesome!" Tsume cheered. Suddenly, another female inmate came onto the stage.

"Rawr, rawr, I am Orochimaru!" the female inmate said, "I am leading sound ninja and sand ninja in an attack on Konoha!"

"Not if I have anything to say about that, foul cur!" Tsume said as she threw a crumpled-up sheet of paper at the female inmate that's playing Orochimaru, "Kunai attack!"

"Augh! I am wounded!" the female inmate playing Orochimaru exclaimed, "You are far too powerful an adversary for me to face! My minions and I shall withdraw from Konoha, for our own safety!"

After the female inmate playing Orochimaru left the stage, the fat inmate playing Genma said, "Great scot! Naruto, you've single-handedly stopped the sound-sand invasion of Konoha! You are a hero!"

"Let's give a round of applause for my baby daddy!" Sakaki said, "Three cheers for Naruto!" The other inmates began cheering Naruto's name. End Scene.

* * *

Before the next scene played, the female inmate who played Haku and Neji walked from the far left of the far right of the stage while wearing nothing but a two-piece swimsuit; she held a sign that said 'THREE YEARS LATER' above her head. The curtain opened to a scene where Harold (dressed as sixteen-year-old Sakura) sat at a counter as Inoichi (dressed as Teuchi the ramen guy) placed a bowl in front of Harold. "Hey ramen guy," Harold said, "Naruto's been gone for three years now, on an extended training trip with that perverted old guy with a frog fetish."

"Isn't Naruto that angsty boy with black hair? You know, the one you have a crush on?" Inoichi asked.

"No, that's Sasuke Uchiha," Harold replied.

"Oh, I remember now!" Inoichi declared, "Sasuke is that little brat who your uncle Harold Fisher can TOTALLY take in a fight!"

"I know, right?!" Harold agreed. As Harold proceeded to pretend to eat the contents of the bowl (it was empty), Tsume came walking up, dressed up as sixteen-year-old Naruto.

"Yo, guess who's back?" Tsume greeted.

"Naruto! Dood!" Harold exclaimed as he got up off of the stool he was seated on, and ran over to Tsume to hug her.

"Long time no see, Sakura," Tsume greeted, "How's Choji doing?"

"Our old teammate?" Harold replied, "He's in the hospital getting his stomach pumped."

"What did he eat this time?" Tsume asked, sounding like this was a regular occurrence.

"It would be quicker to say what Choji DIDN'T eat," Harold replied.

"Ha! That's Choji for you!" Tsume laughed, with Harold and Inoichi joining her in the laughing. End Scene.

* * *

In the next scene, Tsume (dressed as sixteen-year-old Naruto in sage mode) was facing six inmates dressed as Pain. "So you are Naruto Uzumaki," said one of the Pains, "The only one of your graduating class to have so far reached the rank of chunnin."

"I'm actually a jonin, but that's beside the point," Tsume said, "With my sage mode-enhanced Kunai attack, I shall slay all six of you in one hit each!"

"I would like to see you try, Naruto Uzumaki!" said the inmate playing the first Pain.

Tsume threw crumpled up sheets of paper at each of the inmates dressed up as Pain, shouting, "Kunai attack! With each crumpled sheet of paper thrown.

Every inmate playing one of the Pains was hit, and they all proceeded to lay down on the stage. "Oh no! The mighty Naruto has single-handedly defeated all of the Pains!" exclaimed the inmate playing the first Pain who spoke, "Truly us evil ninja have sorely underestimated the might of Konoha, the might of Naruto! And now all six of us are the dead. Bleh." After the six inmates playing the Pains were 'killed', various inmates who were playing Konoha citizens came out and started cheering.

"Let's hear it for Naruto!" Sakaki said, "Hip, hip, hooray!" End Scene.

* * *

Before the next scene started, the female inmate that played Haku and Neji walked from one end of the stage to another, wearing only a two-piece swimsuit, while holding a sign that said 'AND SO TIME PASSES…'. When the curtains opened on the new scene, everyone was standing before Tsume and the fattest inmate (who is male) to have graced the stage yet. "And so I, the Fifth Lady Hokage Tsunade, do hereby step down from my position," said the fat inmate playing Tsunade, "And I my place, I appoint Naruto Uzumaki! Let's hear it for the Sixth Lord Hokage, everyone!"

Everyone in the crowd standing before the fat inmate and Tsume started cheering, "Hip, hip, hooray!"

"As my first decree as Hokage, I hereby lower the legal drinking age in the village of Konohagakure to eighteen!" Tsume declared.

"Praise Jesus!" Harold proclaimed as he stood in the crowd of inmates acting as villagers, who started cheering even louder. End Scene.

* * *

In the next scene, Tsume, dressed as Hokage Naruto, was standing before a female inmate that was at least forty years of age (that being said, Tsume had approximately two decades on this woman). "So tell me again, Lord Hiashi Hyuga of Konoha's Hyuga clan," Tsume said, "Why is it that you invited me of all people to your home? Truly I am not deserving of such a privilege as this."

"Nonsense, young man," replied the female inmate in her forties, who is apparently playing the role of Hiashi, "You are a village hero and a national hero many times over, and that was all BEFORE you became Hokage!"

"So why is it that you wish to see me?" Tsume asked.

"A young man of your position must have no doubt been asked by fathers in Konoha to marry their daughters," the female inmate playing Hiashi began.

"I received no less than fifty thousand such requests, now that you mention it," Tsume replied, "All from different men."

"If that is the case, then I'm afraid that what I am about to ask you will be seen by you as annoying," the female inmate playing Hiashi said, "For I was going to offer you my daughter's hand in marriage."

"You're going to have to be a little bit more specific," Tsume replied, "You have three daughters, remember? Hanabi, Hinata and Neji."

"Yes I know, and they are all prettier and more girly than the last," the female inmate playing Hiashi replied, "However, it was Hinata I was talking about."

"Oh, you were talking about Hinata," Tsume said, "I see no problem with that, so long as she is willing to spend the rest of her life with me. It will probably help given that Hinata and I have been childhood sweethearts since we were both little kids."

"Oh, so YOU'RE the boy that my second born daughter has been crushing on since she was six," the female inmate playing Hiashi said, "Well then, this shall make things very much easier!" Tsume and the female inmate playing Hiashi then shared a good laugh. End Scene.

* * *

In the next scene, Tsume and Sakaki were standing before a thin male inmate dressed as a priest. Standing behind Tsume, Sakaki and the thin inmate was the crowd of other inmates that were playing the roles of various villagers. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Naruto Uzumaki, national hero of the land of fire and village hero of the village of Konohagakure, with Hinata Hyuga, the girl voted as 'girl-nerd with largest boobs EVAR'."

To Sakaki, the inmate playing the priest said, "Hinata Hyuga, do you take Naruto Uzumaki to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to hole, through rich and through poor, through sickness and through health, until death do you part?"

"I do," Sakaki replied with a small nod in the affirmative.

To Tsume, the inmate playing the priest said, "And do you, Naruto Uzumaki, take Hinata to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to hole, through rich and through poor, through sickness and through health, until death do you part?"

"Hells yeah I do!" Tsume declared.

"If there are any folks here who object to this union, speak now, or forever hold your peace," the inmate playing the priest said.

"I object!" A voice called out, making everyone gasp in shock. Everyone watched as the female inmate who played Orochimaru came in out of nowhere. "It is I, Orochimaru, and I object to this union!" the female inmate playing Orochimaru declared.

"I've had dibs on Hinata since we were both six," Tsume said as she stood between Sakaki and the female inmate playing Orochimaru, "I will not let you take her!"

"It is not the well-endowed girl that I seek to marry, Naruto Uzumaki," said the female inmate playing Orochimaru. Drawing a stage prop rapier from a scabbard on her belt, the female inmate playing Orochimaru pointed the fake blade at Tsume and declared, "It is in fact YOU who I seek to marry!"

Drawing her own stage prop rapier, Tsume pointed it at the female inmate playing Orochimaru and said, "Have at thee!" The two women then proceeded to fight each other, fencing and parrying each other's rapier strikes. Jumping back a foot, Tsume took out a crumpled-up sheet of paper and threw it at the female inmate playing Orochimaru while shouting, "Kunai attack!"

"AUGH!" the female inmate playing Orochimaru screamed, "I have been struck in my broken heart by the kunai!" Getting down to lay on the stage, the female inmate playing Orochimaru said, "And now I am the dead. Bleh."

After a few seconds passed since Orochimaru 'died', the inmate playing the priest asked, "Any other objections?"

"Nah, we're good," Harold said from the crowd of inmates playing various villagers.

"Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce Naruto and Hinata as husband and wife!" As Tsume and Sakaki proceeded to pretend to share a kiss, everyone cheered; there were even a few cheers coming from the audience. End Scene.

* * *

In the next scene, it looked like Tsume, Sakaki and a third inmate dressed as a doctor were in a hospital delivery room; Sakaki was laying on top of a table and looked like she was getting ready to give birth. "Come on, Hinata, push!" Tsume said, "Oh, this is by far the most exciting day of our lives, the day we become parents!" After a few seconds of Sakaki making grunting sounds, the tall muscular black male inmate who played Ino came crawling out from underneath the table that was being used.

"Waaaaa, waaaaa," the tall muscular black male inmate said, imitating the crying of a newborn infant.

"Great scot!" the inmate playing the doctor exclaimed, "It's a beautiful, perfectly healthy baby girl!"

"Waaaaa, waaaaa," the tall muscular black male inmate pretended to cry, pretending to throw a punch into the inmate doctor's face; the inmate doctor then proceeded to pretend to get knocked out in one hit, laying down on the stage to help with the cover.

"Wow, not one minute old and our daughter is already kicking ass," Tsume said, "We should name her Natsu, for everyone with that name kicks ass!"

"Totally, Naruto," Sakaki said, "Our daughter is going to be one of the greatest ninja that Konoha has ever seen, but since you're her father, that was already a given."

"Of course me being the father makes it a given!" Tsume declared with her fists on her waist as she proceeded to laugh boisterously. After that, the curtains closed on the scene.

A few seconds after the curtains closed, the curtains opened again with all of the inmates who participated in the play standing in a line; they proceeded to bow to the audience, who cheered for them for a job well done. End Play.

* * *

About a day or so after Harold and the others were released from prison, Harold and his wife Sophia were watching the play, which Sophia recorded on a video camera that uses DVDs. "You were actually in the audience when the play was performed?" Harold asked his wife.

"Well it WAS the first play you ever participated in," Sophia replied to her beloved husband, "I record every play that my loved ones participate in. Like that play our grandnephew Haru participated in back when he was six."

"Remind me which one that was again?" Harold asked (due to his and Tsume's time-travel shenanigans, Harold knows very little about the current timeline).

"It was the one that showed how Konoha became Suna's ally against Kumo in the fifth ninja war," Sophia explained, "Haru was playing the role of Lord Sixth, and some blonde five-year-old girl that the REAL Lord Sixth brought along played the role of the Kazekage, Lord Gaara." (2)

"Hey, you think Sakura, her husband, and all of their respective friends would like watching this?" Harold asked, "I mean, they're all characters in this play, and if they think it sucks, hey, none of the boys or I wrote the damn thing, so it can't be our fault. In fact, we ad-libbed some of our respective lines."

"Yes, I see," Sophia remarked, "And you're right. I bet that they will all love watching the recording I made of the play."

* * *

Later that evening, Harold, Inoichi and Tsume gathered everyone for a special showing of Sophia's recording of the prison play over at Tsume's place (it had a VERY spacious living room). When the recording finished, Harold turned off the TV, then he, along with Inoichi and Tsume, stood in front of the TV.

"So that was the play that Inoichi, Tsume, Tsume's daughter-in-law and I all participated in back when we were in prison," Harold said, "We're lucky that the awesomeness that is Sophia was able to get in so she could video record the whole thing on DVD."

"Now bear in mind that it was the first-ever play that the boys and I participated in," Inoichi said, "And the play was written by the prison warden. All that the boys and I did was spiced our respective character's dialogues up with a few choice lines of our own."

"So what do the lot of you think?" Tsume asked the crowd of gathered adults; aside from Sakaki (who was blushing and covering her face in shame), there was Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Ino, Choji, Shikamaru, Neji, Rock Lee, Tenten, Sophia, Kuromaru and Mayamaru. Everyone save for Sakaki and Sophia just starred dumbfounded at the three older ninja.

The silence lasted for about a minute until Naruto broke it by speaking up. "...What?!" Naruto exclaimed, "What the f-"

END, CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Author's Notes:

(1) Ninjas who are inmates at the prison have to wear manacles on their wrists; these manacles impede the ability to mold and manipulate chakra, effectively preventing the ninja wearing them from using jitsu.

(2) Yes, Naruto had Natsu, who was five at the time, play the role of Gaara

I was originally planning on using a different idea for the plot of chapter fourteen, but then I figured that showing what the prison play that was repeatedly mentioned in chapter thirteen was like would make for an interesting chapter. And before anything is said, yes, I deliberately made this chapter (at least the parts that covered the play) the way it is. The prison play script was written by the prison warden from chapter thirteen, so I had to write the play as if it was a poorly written fanfiction that is horrifically inaccurate to the point of absurdity. Yes, the warden is THAT kind of a character.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter fifteen: Happy Birthday, Natsu Uzumaki! (AKA the obligatory Birthday Episode)

Over at the Hokage office building in the village of Konohagakure, Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth (and current) Hokage, was talking to Sasuke Uchiha and Shikamaru Nara, two men whose words Naruto would listen to first and foremost on very important issues. There was no work at the moment, however, leaving the three men free to talk about whatever. The 'whatever' of the current conversation was a video recording made by the wife of Harold Fisher, Konoha's oldest active jonin (oldest active ninja overall). It was a video recording of a play that Harold, Inoichi Yamanaka, Tsume Inuzuka and Sakaki Inuzuka took part in while they were in prison.

"That play got SO many things wrong," Shikamaru declared with the utmost confidence, "That play had men in the roles of women, women in the roles of men… that tall muscular black man played BOTH Ino and Natsu, the latter of which was only around for the scene depicting her birth!"

"The way Mrs. Inuzuka played me was rather embarrassing," Naruto remarked with a slight blush on his face, "Although to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason she kept saying 'Kunai attack' was because that's what it actually said in the script."

"Even my idiot uncle-in-law isn't dumb enough to write a play script that bad," Sasuke said, "Hell, I bet that Haru could write a better play script!"

"Natsu's written fanfictions that are better than the script that the play must have had," Naruto stated, "Like this one where an Espurr threw a birthday party for a Volcarona."

"Hey, speaking of your daughter and birthdays, isn't your daughter's birthday coming up?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yes it is," Naruto replied with a smile, opening a drawer in his desk, pulling out a small wrapped gift, and setting it on his desk, "I've already gotten the gift that I'm planning on giving to Natsu."

Looking at the wrapped gift, Shikamaru said, "I'm guessing it's one of those Pokémon plushies that your daughter collects."

"It's one she doesn't have yet," Naruto stated, "I should know, as I can correctly identify most species of Pokémon." (1)

"Haru is worrying about what he's going to get Natsu," Sasuke remarked, "Can you give me any ideas so I could pass them along?"

"Ehh, probably something like a plushy of a kitten or a dragon," Naruto replied, "Natsu says she wants to get a plushy of Toothless from Dragons."

"Hey Naruto, when IS your daughter's birthday, exactly?" Shikamaru asked.

"It's this Friday," Naruto replied, "Why do you ask?"

"We have some important business to take care of here at the office building on Friday," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Damn it!" Naruto exclaimed, "Why did there have to be a…I got it!"

"What is it, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, his interest piqued.

"I can create a shadow clone to help out," Naruto explained.

"Good idea," Shikamaru remarked as he thought he knew what Naruto had planned, "You can create a shadow clone to head to Natsu's party in your place, while the real-"

"Actually," Naruto interrupted, "I was going to have the shadow clone take care of work here while the real me went to Natsu's party."

"Are…are you sure you should do that?" Shikamaru asked.

"One-hundred percent," Naruto declared, "I mean, the hell kind of a father would I be if I sent a shadow clone to my daughter's birthday party instead of heading there myself? A sucky one, that's what."

"Well it's not like Konoha will be receiving any visitors of note this Friday," Sasuke remarked to Shikamaru.

"I still think the real you should stay here while the clone you head to your daughter's birthday party," Shikamaru said to Naruto in a mildly worried tone, "I mean, you never know-"

"You remember when Kiba and Sakaki threw a party for their son's eighth birthday," Naruto began, "And Kiba decided to send a clone of himself to the party instead of heading to the party himself because he decided to put work first? Remember what Sakaki did when she found out the truth?"

"I…see," Shikamaru replied, looking mildly shocked and frightened; the kind of shock and fright that only comes from remembering a particularly scary memory.

"As much as Hinata lets me walk over her, which is something that I REALLY want to remedy by the way," Naruto finished, "When it comes to Natsu's happiness and well-being, Hinata can be nightmarishly scary. You remember a while back, when Shikaru and Bankai accused Natsu of cheating at video games and making her cry?"

"I was legitimately afraid that Hinata was going to try and kill my son," Shikamaru remarked.

Looking to Shikamaru, Naruto said, "Now you see why I want to go to Natsu's birthday party myself, rather than send a shadow clone in my place." Gesturing to the wrapped gift on his desk, Naruto added, "Besides which, who's going to give Natsu the gift that I got her?"

* * *

Later that day, Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka were walking down a sidewalk as they made their way to a bar to watch sports. "…So that's when I told my grandnephew that if he feels the gift he got for his little girlfriend isn't nice enough, he can pad the gift by throwing in a bag or two of the girl's favorite candy," Harold said to his best friend.

"My granddaughter really likes Hiashi's granddaughter, seeing her as a sort of older sister," Inoichi said with a smile, the kind of smile that comes from thinking that something is really adorable.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Harold remarked, "Man, the bond of friendship isn't just limited by gender or age group, huh?"

"Inohime even asked me to help her buy a birthday gift for Hiashi's granddaughter," Inoichi added, "Inohime even insisted on paying for the gift."

"Did she pay for it?" Harold asked.

"Well…" Inoichi replied, "…She DID help cover the cost, technically." (2)

"Well it's still the thought that counts, right dude?" Harold asked.

"Oh totally," Inoichi answered, "And given the reason WHY Inohime picked out the gift that she did, I'm confident that Hiashi's granddaughter will love it."

Looking over a way, Harold saw something that made him say, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear!" (3) Looking to where his best friend was looking, Inoichi saw that Harold had spotted Hiashi Hyuga; the Hyuga clan lord was seen by the patriarchs of houses Fisher and Yamanaka heading into a toy store. "Hiashi must have headed inside to get a gift for his granddaughter," Harold remarked. Patting Inoichi on the shoulder, Harold said, "Come on, dude. Let's go see what Hiashi is up to exactly."

Inside the toy shop, Hiashi stood a few feet from the front door; the Hyuga clan lord looked around uncertainly, until a clerk of the toy store came up; the clerk was a pretty, early twenties woman, with a slim yet healthy body, auburn hair tied back into a bun save for bangs that framed her face, fair skin, and she wore a blue skirt that reached her knees, a pale light pink shirt under a cream-colored apron (also reaching her knees) with the toy store's logo on it, and to complete the woman's outfit, a pair of shinobi sandals (the clerk has a boyfriend who is a jonin-ranked shinobi of Konoha; he gave her a spare pair of footwear when his dog tore up her shoes).

"Excuse me, sir, may I help you?" the clerk asked.

"Oh, you work here?" Hiashi replied when he turned around, "Yes, I could use your help. You see, my grand-"

"Hiashi, dude, wazzup?!" Harold called out when he and Inoichi entered the toy store and approached the Hyuga clan lord.

"Harold? Inoichi? What are you two doing here?" Hiashi asked, mildly annoyed over being cut off, but overall curious.

"We were going to ask the same of you, dude," Inoichi remarked.

"I came in to try and find a suitable gift for my granddaughter," Hiashi explained, "Her birthday is this Friday, after all."

"Oh, you're shopping for a birthday gift for your granddaughter!" the clerk said, getting Hiashi's attention, "How old will she be turning?"

"I believe she is turning twelve," Hiashi replied as he gave the notion some thought.

"Yes, yes she is turning twelve," Inoichi confirmed, "Both my grandson and my granddaughter will be attending the party this Friday."

A mildly confused look appearing across his face, Hiashi asked, "Isn't your granddaughter four, Inoichi?"

"She still wanted to go to the party and get Natsu a gift," Inoichi explained, "Inohime and Natsu have a sort of big sister-little sister thing going on, and Ino, Hinata, Sakura and I think it's downright adorable."

"Heh," Hiashi chuckled as he gave the notion some thought, "You're got a point, Inoichi. That does sound adorable."

"Yeah, I bet you'll get to see the sisterly bond while you're at the party this Friday," Harold stated. At Harold's remark, Hiashi's smile changed to an uncomfortable one, which Harold, Inoichi and the toy store clerk all picked up on.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be at the party," Hiashi replied, "I'll probably only stay long enough to drop off the gift. But other than that, I won't be around."

"Why don't you want to attend your granddaughter's birthday party?" Harold asked.

"Yeah man, what's going on with you?" Inoichi added, sounding mildly disappointed in a stern way.

"It's not that I don't want to go," Hiashi quickly explained, "Trust me, I'd love to attend the party being thrown to celebrate my granddaughter's special day."

"What is it, then?" Harold asked, "Do you have some reason that's keeping you from going?"

"I know that, as the Hyuga clan leader, you're often very busy," Inoichi remarked, "But surely you can make time this Friday."

"I actually don't have any such business this Friday," Hiashi replied, "Or for the rest of the week, as a matter of fact."

"Then what's the reason?" Harold asked.

"I won't be at the party because…" Hiashi said in a mildly sad tone, "…I don't think I'd be welcomed at the party."

A silence hung over the others for a few seconds until Inoichi broke it by saying in a mildly confused tone, "You don't think you'd be welcomed at the party? Why not? From what I hear from Ino whenever she and Hinata have girl time, Natsu likes you. I mean, what kind of grandchildren DON'T like their grandparents?"

"Shikaru and Inohime not liking Shikaku and Yoshino?" Harold offered, a mildly confused look on his face as he gave a shrug.

"Shikaku and Yoshino are working to remedy why the grandkids are so frightened of them," Inoichi pointed out.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Harold remarked.

"No worries, dude," Inoichi replied with a light clap on Harold's right shoulder, "As a matter of fact, Shikaku and Yoshino have made some considerable progress lately. Why, just the other day, Shikaru asked Shikaku to help him with-"

"Aren't we getting a little off subject here?" Hiashi interrupted.

"Oops, sorry," Inoichi replied with an embarrassed smile, "But seriously. I doubt that Natsu doesn't like and or is afraid of you. Why wouldn't she want you at her birthday party?"

"It's not Natsu who I believe wouldn't want me at the birthday party," Hiashi clarified, "It's Hinata who I believe wouldn't want me at the birthday party."

"Your first born daughter?" Harold asked.

Nodding in the affirmative, Hiashi replied, "I will admit that I wasn't the most…supportive father in the world to Hinata. I was far too strict, placed far too many high expectations on Hinata…I even made Hanabi, Hinata's little sister, heir to lead the Hyuga clan over Hinata, simply because Hanabi was a more skilled fighter at the time. Of course, I made Hinata my heir again after one too many doubts on Hanabi's competency as an heir had been cast, but damage was still done to my first born daughter. I wouldn't be surprised if Hinata tried to cut me out completely."

"Wait a minute, your second born daughter is no longer your heir?" Harold asked, a confused look on his face. After the Hyuga clan lord nodded in the affirmative, the Fisher patriarch said, "What the hell did she do to warrant such a decision?"

"I think that's a story for another time," Inoichi pointed out to his best friend. To Hiashi, Inoichi continued, "Back to what you said about you worrying that Hinata considering cutting you out altogether. If that does happen…I wouldn't be surprised in the least."

"Sir, I don't think that's all that nice a thing to say to your friend here," the toy store clerk said to Inoichi.

"No, no Inoichi here is correct," Hiashi remarked to the toy store clerk, "I have really been a terrible father to my first born daughter. Perhaps I should have followed Inoichi's example when it came to being a father to-"

"Oh, I didn't expect to see you here," a female voice called out, distracting the three older men and the toy store clerk. All eyes turned in the direction the voice came from, leading to everyone seeing Hinata Uzumaki enter the toy store.

"Yo, it's the woman of the hour!" Harold said as Hinata approached the group, "What brings you by?"

"I was looking for a present to get for Natsu, since her birthday is this Friday," the Uzumaki matriarch explained, "Although like I had just said, I didn't expect to see the three of you here." Turning her eyes to focus more directly on her father, Hinata added with her tone seeping with mild bitterness, "Least of all you."

"I'll have you know that I'm here for the same reason as you," Hiashi explained as firmly as he could (which wasn't all that much given his overall guilty feeling and the fact the reason for his guilt was giving him the stink eye), "Can a man NOT get a present for his granddaughter's birthday?"

"I suppose that I don't see a problem with that," Hinata relented after everyone was silent for a few seconds, "And knowing Natsu, I bet she'd love whatever you get her all the more simply because it was YOU who got it for her."

"A shame that Hiashi can only show up at the party long enough to drop off the gift, though," Harold remarked.

Hearing the Fisher patriarch say this line made Hinata's eyes narrow in such a manner to show that she was slightly angrier than she started. "Excuse me?" Hinata said.

"Well your father gets the feeling that he won't be welcomed at the party," Harold explained, "Hence why the dude is planning on only show up long enough to drop off whatever gift he gets for your daughter."

Closing her eyes to think, Hinata was quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. "Actually, that's part of the reason why I was hoping to run into my father," Hinata said, "To tell him that he is, in fact, welcomed to come to the party if he wishes."

Hearing this surprised the three older men, Hiashi most of all. "You're letting your father come?" Inoichi said, sounding like he was having trouble believing it.

"It's wasn't my idea," Hinata remarked to the three older men in a firm tone that made Hiashi flinch slightly, "Natsu has expressed a very strong interest in seeing her grandfather this Friday." Looking more directly at her father, Hinata said, "Natsu really cares about you, father. She would really like it if you came to her birthday party."

Smiling as kindly as he had in a while, the Hyuga clan lord said, "As it just so happens, I would-"

"That being said," Hinata interrupted, "You are expected to come." The way that Hinata just spoke, her tone making her statement sound more like a demand than a request, confused and slightly startled the three older men. Continuing in the same tone, Hinata said to her father, "You're one of the first people that Natsu said she would like to see at her birthday party. You're her grandfather, and as such she loves you. That being said, if you do NOT show up for her party, it would break Natsu's heart. And if that happens…" Hinata stopped so she could close the distance between her and her father, until she was less than an inch away from his face.

With the angriest glare she had ever given anyone in her entire life, Hinata said, "… _ **I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU**_."

The Uzumaki matriarch backed up a foot or two, revealing that she had made her father looked more worried and freaked out than he had ever looked in his entire life. The expressions of Harold and Inoichi matched that of Hiashi's expression. Instantly, Hinata's demeanor changed to the kind, caring demeanor that she always had. "So I can expect to see you at Natsu's party this Friday?" Hinata asked her father in a kind, almost perky tone.

"Y-y-y-yes," Hiashi stammered in response, too frightened and confused to reply in any other way.

"Great!" Hinata replied happily as she turned to leave, "Natsu's going to be really happy to see you, father! Oh, the party will begin sometime around two in the afternoon. Don't be late!" After Hinata left the toy store, Harold and Inoichi turned to look at Hiashi.

"Wow, dude," Harold said to the Hyuga clan lord, "And here I thought that Mebuki was scary when Kizashi forgot her birthday last year."

"Well that certainly explains why you that thought you were going to get Kizashi's golf club set the day after your sister's birthday last year," Inoichi remarked, "By the way, your brother-in-law DOES have a really nice golf club set."

"I know, right?" Harold replied, high-fiving his best friend.

* * *

Later that day, Harold and Inoichi followed Hiashi on a visit to the Hokage office building. As Naruto's father-in-law, Hiashi was going to ask Naruto for ideas on what to get Natsu for her birthday, and maybe try to get on Hinata's good side. The three older men stood in Naruto's office, with the man himself using one of the exercise machines that he had installed in his office in order to keep himself in shape (Naruto had no work at the moment, so he was getting a work out in). "To be honest, I'm actually rather surprised that Hinata's letting you come to Natsu's birthday party," was the first thing Naruto said after Hiashi explained the situation.

"Which is why I want to make sure I make a good impression," Hiashi explained, "Plus, I was wondering if you can give me any ideas on what to get for Natsu."

"Knowing Natsu, she would so happy to see you that you showing up at her party would be enough of a present in and of itself," Naruto remarked as he gave it a bit of thought, "And knowing Hinata, she would be so mad if you showed up empty-handed and or not at all that she might very well disown you as a parent." Giving his father-in-law a knowing look, Naruto said, "It'd be like karma had finally decided to give you a swift kick in the rear, huh?"

"I hear that!" Inoichi declared, doing a high-five with Harold.

"Which is why I was hoping that you'd give me an idea on what to get Natsu," Hiashi repeated to his son-in-law.

Getting up from the exercise machine, Naruto said, "I got Natsu one of those Pokémon plushies that she likes. It's one she doesn't own yet. Perhaps you can get her one that she doesn't have yet either. Failing that, a plushy of a cat or a dragon will work just as well."

"A cat or a dragon?" the Hyuga clan lord repeated in a confused tone.

"Cats and dragons are Natsu's two favorite animals," Naruto explained, "Hell, most of the aforementioned Pokémon plushies Natsu owns are either cat-like Pokémon or dragon-type Pokémon."

"I don't suppose you'd consider helping me pick one out?" Hiashi requested, "I know very little about the things that kids Natsu's age are into, and I don't want to run the risk of getting something for Natsu that she already has."

"Well I can help you pick something that I know she doesn't have," Naruto replied to his father-in-law, "And I can keep you from getting the thing that I got for her. But neither of us can control what other people get for Natsu."

"If it helps, Haru is getting your daughter a little lion-dog plushy with blue fiery eyebrows and a little green bag over its back," Harold said to Naruto, "Haru's also throwing in two bags of non-sour gummy worms. Your daughter likes those, right?"

"Yes, non-sour gummy worms are one of Natsu's favorite candies," Naruto replied to Harold with a nod and a small smile, "And I'm sure she'd like the Komasan plushy." (4) To Hiashi, Naruto said, "Sure, let me get ready and I'll head out with you to shop for a gift you can get for Natsu."

Smiling kindly, Hiashi said, "Thank you."

"Nah, don't mention it," Naruto replied, "I'm doing this mostly so that Hinata doesn't kill you."

While Hiashi had a startled look on his face due to what Naruto said, Harold whispered into the Hyuga clan lord's right ear, "Yeah, I bet that she'd totally kill you."

* * *

Later that afternoon, the three older ninja and Naruto were at a different toy store than the one Harold, Inoichi and Hiashi were at earlier that day. Naruto had led the three older ninja to one of the aisles in the store, where one could find a variety of Pokémon merchandise. Gesturing to a few shelves lined with various eight-inch-tall Pokémon plushies, Naruto said to Hiashi, "Well, here we are."

"So all I have to do is get Natsu one of those?" Hiashi asked. After Naruto nodded in the affirmative, Hiashi walked over to where the plushies were at and picked up one of them. It was a plushy of a Volcarona.

"How about I get Natsu this Pikachu?" Hiashi suggested. (5)

"That's a Volcarona, sir, not a Pikachu," Naruto pointed out, "Also, that's the plushy I got for Natsu, so you can't get that one." Placing the Volcarona plushy back down, Hiashi picked up a plushy of a Meowth.

"How about this Pikachu?" Hiashi asked.

"That's a Meowth, and Natsu already owns one," Naruto replied.

"Well I have no idea which one to get," Hiashi admitted, trying his best not to be snappy (it was working really well, by the way).

In response, Naruto walked up to join his father-in-law, and fished around for a bit. Coming across something, Naruto pulled it out; it was a plushy of a Goodra. "Huh, I wasn't aware that there was a plushy of this one," Naruto remarked as he looked at the plushy of the pseudo-legend. Handing the Goodra plushy to Hiashi, Naruto suggested, "Try getting this for Natsu."

"So I should get Natsu this Pikachu," Hiashi said.

"Goodra," Naruto corrected, "It's a plushy that Natsu doesn't own yet. Also, I'm pretty sure no one else is getting her one."

"Hey Lord Sixth, do you think that they sell Pape Konoha's Brand Lager here?" Harold asked.

"Yeah, I could go for a cold frosty one myself," Inoichi added. Both the Lord Sixth and the Hyuga clan lord gave the two men stern looks.

"I'll choose to take that as a no," Harold remarked.

* * *

That Friday, the Uzumaki residence was abuzz with activity. Space was cleared in the living room so that the party could take place inside (it was going to be raining hard starting from one in the afternoon until about eleven that night, with light showering after that lasting until seven or so the following morning; this ruined Hinata's plans of having the party outside in the back yard). As Ko and Neji were helping set up decorations in the living room for the party, a male voice said, "No, no, no! Miss Natsu's favorite colors are orange and lavender! Why are you putting up blue and black streamers?"

Looking down at the source of the voice, Ko said, "I'm sorry, Pantherlily, but Neji and I couldn't find any streamers in the colors that Lady Natsu likes."

"Lady Hinata had already gotten party streamers in the proper colors," replied Natsu's talking cat, who waived a paw in a stern manner at the cadet branch Hyuga, "Weren't you told to ask her for the party décor?" Turing around before Ko could reply to his question, Pantherlily saw another cadet branch Hyuga setting the presents that were brought in so far on one of the cleared tables. "The table on the west side of the room is for the cake, punch and other party foodstuffs," Pantherlily said to the cadet branch Hyuga in a stern tone, "The presents go on the table on the EAST side of the room! Do the lot of you know nothing of party Feng Shui?"

As the party was being set up, Harold, Inoichi and Hinata were watching everything. "Wow, your daughter's cat is taking his self-appointed role of 'steward of house Uzumaki' very seriously, huh?" Harold said to the Uzumaki matriarch.

"I think it's absolutely adorable," Hinata remarked, "It's like having a mini Alfred in cat form."

"Hey Lady Hinata," Ko said as he approached Hinata and the two older ninja, "Lady Natsu's cat said that you have orange and lavender party streamers."

"Oh, let me go get them for you," Hinata replied as she turned to go retrieve the streamers. Alone, Harold and Inoichi began to talk amongst themselves.

"Did you get Hiashi's granddaughter anything?" Harold asked Inoichi.

"Were we supposed to?" Inoichi relied in a mildly confused tone.

"Well my grandnephew, your grandson and your granddaughter each got Hiashi's granddaughter a gift," Harold pointed out, "And since we're here, we should have gotten something for her."

"…You think it would piss Hinata off if the two of us just pooled some money together, put it in an envelope, and handed it to Natsu as a joint gift from the two of us?" Inoichi asked.

"I thought that the two of you were here because you were escorting Haru, Shikaru and Inohime," Hinata's voice said from behind the two older men, making them jump and turn to see Hinata standing right behind them.

"Holy geez, Hinata, you're one hell of a ninja if you can sneak up on us like that," Inoichi remarked.

"I wasn't really expecting the two of you to get anything for Natsu," Hinata said, "But if the two of you really feel obliged to do so, then I suppose the idea of an envelope of spending money isn't too bad an idea, given how last minute it is."

"Do you have an envelope we could use?" Harold asked.

"Let me go get one really quick," Hinata replied, turning around to walk to a hallway closet. Opening the closet door, Hinata reached in, pulled out a small box of business envelopes, took one out, put the box back where she got it, closed the closet door, then walked back over to the two older men and handed them the envelope. "This should work," Hinata said.

"Thank you very much, young lady," Inoichi said as he and Harold received the envelope. After Hinata took her leave to help oversee the decorating for the party, Harold took out a pen from his flask jacket.

"We should sign our names on the envelope, so that Hiashi's granddaughter knows that it came from us," Harold suggested.

"Wanna also draw some doodles on the envelope?" the Yamanaka patriarch suggested, "You know, for decoration?"

"Hells yeah, man!" Harold agreed as he and Inoichi proceeded to stark working on the envelope. The two older men would be of the opinion that they had made the single most awesome-looking envelope in the entire history of envelopes.

* * *

Later, everyone was around for Natsu's birthday party. After everyone enjoyed cake, punch and the like ("A darn good thing I made sure the party foodstuffs were on the proper table!" declared Pantherlily), the party moved to Natsu opening presents, at the suggestion of some of the adults. The first gift that Natsu decided to open was a gift from Tsume Inuzuka, surprisingly enough.

"Yeah, my Ma couldn't come because she dropped something heavy on her foot by accident," Kiba explained to Hinata as Natsu looked at the wrapped gift from the Inuzuka matriarch.

"It seems to be a video game of some sort," Hinata remarked to Kiba as the birthday girl proceeded to open the gift. It was, in fact, a video game. One for one of the platforms Natsu owned that wasn't her handheld system. But Hinata didn't quite seem to like the new game that Natsu got from Tsume.

"I-is that an M for mature-rated horror-survival game?!" Hinata exclaimed, looking very ticked.

"Yeah, those are the kind of games Ma tends to favor," Kiba remarked, obviously looking rather embarrassed, "Ma probably figured that your daughter would like it." Natsu set the gift from Tsume aside, unsure of how to react to it (Natsu didn't want to seem rude or unappreciative, since someone went through the trouble of getting her a gift).

"I'm probably going to have to ask your mother to take the gift back," Hinata whispered to Kiba, "That is NOT the kind of game I want my daughter to play. She turns twelve today, and that video game is for people seventeen and up!"

"You think your nephew would like it?" Kiba suggested.

"Not now, Kiba," Hinata replied as Natsu continued to open gifts. At Inohime's prompting, Natsu decided to open the gift from her next. It was an eight-inch-tall plushy of princess Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (the Twilight plushy had wings).

"Both Natsu onee-chan and Princess Twilight are very smart and very pretty," Inohime said, "So Natsu onee-chan should have Princess Twilight plushy!"

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Natsu remarked, "Thank you, Inohime." Natsu ruffled the top of Inohime's head, making the young Nara girl giggle cutely.

Over where Harold and Inoichi stood, Inoichi whispered to Harold, "I told you that she'd like the gift Inohime got her."

Setting the Twilight plushy on top of the video game from Tsume, Natsu proceeded to open the gift from Haru. She was surprised to see the Komasan plushy and two bags of gummy worms spill out from the wrapping paper. "I was kind of worried that the plushy on its own would be kinda cheap," Haru explained, "So I threw in a few bags of what I was told is one of your favorite candies."

"Thank you, Haru," Natsu replied, "And yes, non-sour gummy worms are one of my favorites."

"Oh, oh, open the gift from Harold and me next!" Inoichi said as he raised his hand up.

A confused look on her face, Natsu scanned the table of presents until she found an envelope with 'From Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka to Hiashi's granddaughter' written along the top. Covering the rest of the front of the envelope were various doodles; there was one of a muscular man firing a machine crossbow at a bear, one of Harold slaying a dragon (an arrow labeled 'Harold' was pointing at the stick figure), one of Inoichi kicking a Kumo ninja in the groin (both stick figures were pointed out by arrows that were labeled 'Inoichi' and 'Kumo ninja' respectively), one of Fluttershy (which was rather good, by the way), and there were lots and _**LOTS**_ of doodles of cans of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager.

As Natsu examined the front of the envelope, Naruto and Sasuke both got a quick look at the envelope. But that was all either of them needed. "That is the single worst-looking envelope I have ever seen in my entire life," Sasuke whispered to Naruto.

After watching Natsu open the envelope, revealing a decent amount of ryo, Naruto whispered to Sasuke, "At least they gave her a good bit of spending money."

The Uchiha patriarch nodded in response as he and Naruto watched Natsu open the gift from Naruto himself. "Oh! A Volcarona plushy!" Natsu exclaimed, "Volcarona is my favorite bug-type Pokémon!" Turning to face Naruto, Natsu said, "Thank you, father."

"Hey, you're welcome," Naruto replied with a smile, "I knew you'd like it."

"Hey Natsu," Shikaru said when the birthday girl looked to see which gift to open next, "Why don't you open the-"

"Hey, it's a gift from my grandfather!" Natsu interrupted, having not heard any of what Shikaru said. Taking the gift from Hiashi, Natsu opened it, revealing the Goodra plushy.

"Hey, it's a Goodra plushy," Bankai remarked in a mildly surprised tone, "I didn't know that there were plushies of Goodra."

"Me neither," Natsu replied, "And Goodra is a dragon-type, which is one of my favorite types of Pokémon." Facing Hiashi, who had joined Hinata, Natsu said, "Thank you, grandfather."

Nodding slowly, Hiashi said, "You're welcome. I'm just glad that you like it, and that you're enjoying today."

"I am, thanks," Natsu replied. Hearing the conversation between Natsu and Hiashi, Hinata could not help but smile. It was a small one, but it was there none the less.

* * *

That evening at the Uzumaki residence, after the party guests had gone home, Naruto and Hinata were sitting together at the dining table; Hinata was having another slice of cake, whereas Naruto had helped himself to another glass of punch. "Natsu went to bed rather early tonight, huh?" Naruto remarked to his wife, "You think the party had too much excitement for her?"

"I think Natsu heading to bed early is more due to the fact that it's raining," Hinata replied, "She always gets sleepy on rainy days, you know."

"Isn't that a trait that cats usually have?" Naruto asked in a curious tone, raising an eyebrow.

Nodding in the affirmative, Hinata replied as Naruto took another swig from his glass of punch, "I guess that's one of the reasons why Natsu likes cats so much."

"I think Natsu likes all of the gifts she got today," Naruto remarked, "With the possible exception of the video game that Kiba's mom got her. Although Natsu didn't give a clear response one way or the other to receiving the game."

"Yes, and that reminds me that I'm going to have to have a conversation with Kiba's mom tomorrow," Hinata replied.

As the parents talked, their daughter, now twelve years of age, was laying on her bed in her room, her loyal talking cat curled up on a cat bed located on the floor at the foot-end of the bed. On the shelf against the wall opposite of the bed, you could see the various plushies that decorated it. On one section of the shelf, you could see four of the plushies Natsu received today; from left to right, Twilight, Volcarona, Goodra and Komasan. The plushies of Volcarona and Goodra were turned slightly so that they were sort of facing each other, like they were about to hug each other.

END, CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Author's Notes:

(1) And yet Naruto thinks that every character in MLP: FIM is called Rainbow Dash.

(2) Inohime only covered one ryo of the cost; Inoichi covered the rest.

(3) In his best impersonation of Bane from 'The Dark Knight Rises'.

(4) Komasan is one of the various critters you can get in the first 'Yo-kai Watch' game. You auto-befriend one during the main storyline.

(5) Hiashi is one of those adults who thinks that every Pokémon is called Pikachu.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter sixteen: The Konoha carnival (AKA Harold and company go to a Crappy Carnival)

One day in the village of Konohagakure, Harold Fisher, as well as his friends Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru, were over at Inoichi's place playing pool in the den. Over a way in the den, the older Konoha ninja's respective grandsons (grandnephew in Harold's case) were playing on their handheld game systems (Inoichi's young granddaughter was looking over the shoulder of Inoichi's grandson as he played). "Hey Bankai, Shikaru," Haru began, "Did you know that Natsu got the special edition Yo-kai watch medals with the QR codes for the gemnyans?"

"She has the gemnyans?" Shikaru nearly exclaimed, "How did she get the limited edition medal set?!"

"Gem-meows?" said Inohime, Shikaru's younger sister, "What are those?"

"They're cats made of gem stones, basically," Shikaru explained to his four-year-old little sister, "There's five total, each made of a different kind of gem stone."

"Kitties?!" Inohime exclaimed excitedly.

"Uhh, yeah, that," replied Shikaru in an unsure tone.

"I asked Natsu if I can scan the QR codes on the back of her medals later and she gave me the okay," Haru said, "I think the first one I'll try going after will be the one made of Rubies."

Over where the older ninjas were playing pool, Harold said to his friends, "Isn't that great, dudes? All of our grandkids and their friends are getting along, having fun and playing games."

"I'm glad none of them have thus far experienced the hard ships of living through a war," Inoichi remarked in a tone showing that he agreed with his best friend, "I do not want Shikaru or Inohime living through that particular brand of hell."

"The only thing that I can think of that's worse than our respective grandchildren living through war is our respective grandchildren having to spend a day with my ex-husband," Tsume remarked.

"And yet that's actually a safer environment than war," Kuromaru remarked dryly to himself.

"Anywho dudes," Harold said as he sunk a pool ball, "The Annual Konoha Carnival is coming up. You all planning on going?"

"Oh, you're talking about the carnival?" Shikaru called out, getting the older ninjas to turn and face the kids, who all got up and walked over.

"Yeah, I'm planning on finding whichever game booth has the biggest stuffed animal, then I'm going to win that stuffed animal for Natsu," Haru declared.

"Aha, that reminds me of the first time I took your great aunt Sophia to the first carnival that we ever went to," Harold said to his grandnephew, "It was back when Sophia and I were both in our late teens, so it was well before you were born, little dude."

"Didn't you punch a food stall vendor in the face so hard that he passed out instantly because he put jalapeño slices on Sophia's nachos even though she specifically requested no jalapeño slices?" Kuromaru asked.

"…Sophia has a very low tolerance for spicy stuff," Harold defended.

"Hey, Natsu is the same way with spicy stuff!" Haru remarked, "So anywho, I'm planning on winning Natsu the biggest stuffed animal that I can find!"

"Inohime lost most of her toys," Inohime said in a sad tone, "Only Pinkie Pie is still with Inohime…"

"Oh snap, that reminds me that your daughter's family lost their home in a house fire," Harold said to Inoichi.

Nodding in the affirmative, Inoichi said, "Michelle and I have been doing our best to help Ino and her family get back on their feet. On the plus side, it's been loads of fun having the whole family together."

"Aren't Shikaku and Yoshino throwing their hand into the ring as well?" Tsume asked.

"Oh yeah, and speaking of," Inoichi said, "I am glad to report that Shikaku has finally gotten used to being around stuff that Inohime likes."

"Grandma Yoshino can still be kinda terrifying at times, by the way," Shikaru remarked.

Turning to face his grandson, Inoichi added, "Trust me, little man, that's actually normal for that woman."

"Grandma Yoshino is not scary," Inohime said to her older brother, "Inohime always plays tea party with Grandma Yoshino when she visits, along with Pinkie Pie, Elsa…" At the mention of her one Frozen toy that was lost in a fire, Inohime stopped talking and looked sad.

"Well that Elsa bitch _is_ an ice-type, right?" Tsume remarked, "Meaning she's weak to fire."

"Elsa isn't a Pokémon, grandma," Bankai pointed out.

"My point remains valid, though," Tsume defended.

"Well anywho, Michelle, Shikaku, Yoshino and I got together, and we agreed that we'd take our family to the carnival for one hell of a party," Inoichi said, "I can't wait until we spring the surprise on Ino and her family!"

"Uhh, grandpa?" Shikaru began. Turning to face his grandson, Inoichi had a look of horror on his face, the kind of horror that one has when they screwed up big time. Likewise, Inoichi also saw his granddaughter's excited face.

"…Can you kids promise to act surprised when your other grandparents and I spring the surprise on your parents later?" Inoichi asked.

* * *

A few days later, Harold and company, accompanied by their respective grandkids, all went to the Konoha Carnival. As everyone walked into the carnival grounds, Tsume said, "Ah, the carnival. A land of unhealthy food that induces vomiting, dangerous rides that induce vomiting, and romantic encounters that induce vomiting."

"Does everything at a carnival induce vomiting for you?" Kuromaru asked, looking up at his owner with a quizzical look.

"When you remember that the last time you went to the carnival was on a date with the asshole who would one day become your ex-husband, yes," Tsume replied casually.

"Speaking of, how's Grandpa Banyo doing?" Bankai asked his grandmother, "Do you know, Grandma Tsume?"

"Don't know, don't care," Tsume said.

"I'm going to see if any of the food stalls here sell beer," Harold remarked, "I can use a cold frosty one right about now."

"You ALWAYS say that, you drunkard," Kuromaru said. Looking to Harold and his friends, Kuromaru continued, "In fact, all three of you always say that."

"Pape Konoha's Brand Lager is a good drink," Inoichi defended.

"Well let's go about checking the place out," Shikaru said.

"Oh yeah! I'm supposed to try and find Natsu here!" Haru said.

"Heh, you have fun," Harold chuckled in good nature as he and the other older ninja waived their hands as the kids scattered.

* * *

Haru Uchiha was wandering around the carnival grounds when he heard Natsu Uzumaki call out. A few seconds later, the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl came running up to him. "Natsu, hey!" the Uchiha boy greeted, "You ready to have a great time?"

"My father says that he doesn't trust any of the food here as far as he can throw any of it," Natsu remarked.

"Given that it's carnival food, that's a given," Haru agreed with a nod.

"He said that while my mother was eating a cinnamon roll that she bought at a food stand," Natsu added.

"…So anywho," Haru said, "There's this game stall with plushies you can win," Haru said. With a somewhat self-assured smile, Haru added as he rolled his right shoulder, "I'm not one to brag, but I have one heck of a throwing arm." Looking at Natsu, Haru said, "You want I should win you the biggest one at that stall?"

"…Depends on its size," Natsu replied at length, "I mean that it's very nice of you to offer to try and win me something, but stuffed animals that are too big aren't really my cup of tea."

"Do you prefer smaller plushies, then?" Haru asked, "Like the Komasan plushy I got you for your birthday last week?"

Nodding in the affirmative, Natsu said, "Yeah, around that size range."

"Oh, speaking of Yo-kai Watch," Haru continued, "I told Shikaru and Bankai that you have the gemnyan medals with the scanable QR codes. They want to know if they can scan the codes at some point."

"Can you and the guys wait until I locate and befriend all of the gemnyans?" Natsu asked, "I want to have an idea on their respective stats before I let you guys try and befriend them." Looking at Haru more directly, Natsu said, "You guys don't want to raise a physically-oriented Yo-kai thinking it's specially-oriented, do you?"

Nodding in the affirmative, Haru replied, "Yeah, that makes sense. Anywho, want me to take you over to the game stall I was talking about?"

"Yeah, let's go," Natsu replied, walking along with Haru as the Uchiha boy led the way.

* * *

Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru were walking around, taking in the sights as the three humans in the group drank from relatively large cups (for carnival drinks). "Damn," Harold remarked in an annoyed tone as he took a sip from his drink, "This carnival-quality beer not only tastes bad, but it's frigg'en warm! Who in their right mind drinks warm beer?!"

"Welcome to the carnival, Harold," Kuromaru replied sarcastically.

"Anywho, where the hell are the bathrooms around this joint?" Tsume asked, "I really need to-"

"-Not tell us what you really need to do," Kuromaru finished, "Seriously, Tsume. You don't act like a woman your age should."

"And who DOES act like a woman her age, Hinata?!" Tsume snapped, "That bitch had the nerve to ask me to take back the gift I got for her kid for her birthday! The hell kind of crap is that?!"

"Uhh, Tsume, dude, Hinata's daughter turned twelve," Inoichi pointed out, "And you got the kid a horror survival video game that's rated M for mature. A ZOMBIE horror survival game, at that."

"Yeah, I have to agree with Inoichi on this one," Harold added, "Kids their age shouldn't be playing video games like that."

"Hey, I get Bankai games like that ALL the time," Tsume replied, "And he's fine!"

"Well anywho, let's try and find a stall that sells decent beer, at the very least," Harold remarked as he took another sip from his drink, "This lukewarm beer tastes like piss!"

"And we should find that bathroom," Tsume added.

"Yes, find the beer, find the bathroom," Inoichi agreed.

* * *

Over a way in the carnival, Haru and Natsu came walking up to a game booth. It was the kind where you had to knock a stack of bottles over with a ball in order to win a prize. To the surprise of Haru and Natsu, Shikaru and Inohime were already at the booth; Shikaru was throwing baseballs at the bottles, obviously trying to win a toy for his little sister. "Hey dude, what's happening?" Haru asked as he and Natsu came up.

"I'm trying to win a plushy of Judy Hopps from Zootopia for Inohime," Shikaru explained as he threw a baseball at the stacks of bottles.

Looking up at the row of plushies, Natsu saw a number of plushies of Judy Hopps from Zootopia. "Oh yeah, Inohime likes that movie, right?" Natsu asked.

"Hey, it got her to stop constantly attempting to sing 'Let it go', so that's a win in my book," Shikaru replied as he threw his last ball.

When it failed to knock the stack of bottles over, the booth vendor said, "Aw, what a shame! Better luck next time, eh?"

"Hey, that last ball perfectly hit the stack!" Shikaru complained angrily.

"Well you have to knock the bottles over, my boy," the vendor replied, "That's the point of the game."

"I totally threw it hard enough to knock that stack over!" Shikaru complained again.

As Shikaru was arguing with the vendor, Haru said, "Hey Natsu, see anything you like?"

"I kinda have my eye on one of the plushies of Nick Wilde," Natsu replied, "He's the fox from Zootopia. You can see them next to the Judy plushies."

Looking up at the row of prizes, Haru said, "Hey, yeah! Now I see it!" Taking out a handful of change and slamming it onto the counter, Haru said, "Excuse me, but I want to try and play this game! How many tries does this get me?"

"Oh, we have a player!" the vendor said as he collected all of Haru's money.

Deposing a number of baseballs onto the counter, the vendor said, "You get this many tries, my good boy!"

"You're wasting your money, dude," Shikaru warned.

"Pfft, obviously you've never seen my throwing arm," Haru remarked, "That fox plushy is as good as won!"

* * *

Somewhere else on carnival grounds, Harold, Inoichi, Naruto and Neji were sitting together at a table. Kuromaru sat on the ground next to Naruto. "So where's Mrs. Inuzuka?" Naruto asked as he looked down to the Inuzuka ninja dog.

"She had to use the bathroom," Kuromaru explained, "She tried to use the phrase 'bleed the lizard', but when I explained to her what that meant and that she has to be male in order to use that phrase, she asked for the female equivalent. When I told her there WASN'T a female equivalent, Tsume said, and I'm quoting her on this one, 'Frig it, I need to use the bathroom'."

"I need to find a food stall in this place that sells beer that's AT LEAST cold," Harold declared.

"Same here," Inoichi added, "How can a man enjoy a beer if it's warm? Warm beer is the devil's piss."

"Warm beer of carnival-quality TASTES like piss," Harold added.

Looking mildly stunned, Neji said, "Mr. Fisher, how would you know what piss tastes like?"

"When you have an adult niece, and she works at the local hospital, and she occasionally has to store patients' urine samples at home due to lack of storage at said hospital, and you get _REALLY_ hammered, things tend to add up," Harold explained casually.

"I can confirm that," Inoichi added as he raised a hand. The only thing that the Sixth Hokage, the Hyuga cadet branch member and the Inuzuka ninja dog could do was shake their heads in unison.

While the two men shook their heads, Tsume came walking out of the bathroom with Hinata and Tenten. Tsume and Hinata were in an argument. "Well how the hell was I supposed to know that getting the latest horror survival game for your kid was a bad move?" Tsume asked.

"Natsu turned twelve," Hinata pointed out, "That game was for kids seventeen and up!"

"You could have given it to your nephew instead of having me take it back," Tsume suggested.

"One, it's inappropriate to give a birthday gift meant for one person to someone else entirely," Hinata began, "Two, even though Hogato is old enough for games like the one you tried to give to Natsu, he doesn't even like games like that! If you did end up giving him a game like that on his birthday, at best he'd wait a bit until he can sell it to a pawn shop or the like!"

"Then at least the gift would have had some value to him!" Tsume declared.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Hinata snapped.

"Mrs. Inuzuka, I have to agree with Hinata on this one," Naruto said, getting Tsume, Hinata and Tenten to all focus on him, "I mean I know that you wanted to be nice and get my daughter a gift on her birthday, and I appreciate that. But with all due respect, the video game you got her would have been WAY too frightening for Natsu."

"Fine, whatever," Tsume replied.

"Well if you all will excuse me, I'm going to go find wherever Sakura's at," Hinata said as she proceeded to take her leave, "I need someone sensible to talk to." And with that, the Hyuga clan heiress left.

"Well anywho, let's try to find a food stall that sells good beer," Inoichi declared as he got up.

"At this point, I'd settle for _passable_ beer," Harold remarked in a mildly annoyed tone.

"You guys go on ahead," Tenten said as she held her hands over her stomach, "I need to head home."

"Tenten, dear, are you alright?" Neji asked in a concerned tone.

"Oh, my stomach just isn't feeling well," Tenten replied, "I just need to lay down."

"Heh," Tsume laughed, "You guys should have heard her. Have any of you ever heard of the phrase 'tushy trumpet'?"

"Yeah, me and Harold have," Inoichi replied, drawing a nod of affirmation from Harold.

Jerking a thumb in Tenten's direction, Tsume continued, "Well, Ten-ton here ate so much carnival food that when she used the bathroom, she had a full-blown tushy orchestra!" As Harold and Inoichi laughed, Tenten gave Tsume a very angry glare.

"If it wasn't for the fact that my stomach hurts, I'd kick your ass for calling me 'Ten-ton'," remarked the overweight kunoichi, the anger in her voice very obvious.

As everyone watched Tenten walk away, Naruto shook his head and said as he gestured to the departing Tenten, "You see, _this_ is why I don't trust carnival food."

* * *

"Oh come on!" Haru exclaimed, "The ball hit the stack square in the middle! They should have fallen over!"

"Well maybe you have a weak throwing arm, my boy," said the booth vendor.

"No one says I have a weak throwing arm and gets away with it!" Haru snapped, picking up a baseball and preparing to throw it at the stack of bottles with such force that it was bound to be knocked over. Before Haru could throw the bottle, however, Shikaku came walking up to the scene.

"Hey kids, what's up?" Shikaku greeted.

"Haru's trying to win a prize at this game booth for Natsu," Shikaru explained to his grandfather, "Before Haru and Natsu showed up, I was trying to win a plushy of that bunny cop from Zootopia for Inohime, since she lost most of her toys in the fire." Looking at the shelves of prizes, Shikaku saw the toy in question.

"Huh, yeah I've actually seen what that bunny cop looks like since your grandma Yoshino bought a DVD copy of the movie for your little sister," Shikaku remarked.

Taking some money out of a side pocket on his flask jacket, Shikaku slammed it onto the counter and said, "Hey booth carney, let me give this game a go." As he received his baseballs for the game, Shikaku said, "Alright kids, watch how an adult plays games like this. That bunny plushy is as good as invited to the next tea party my granddaughter has!"

"Yay grandpa!" Inohime cheered as Shikaku raised an arm back, took aim, and threw the baseball like he was a player in the big leagues.

* * *

Harold, Inoichi, Tsume, Kuromaru, Naruto and Neji were all standing in front of a food booth at the carnival. "Sir, I have but one request," Harold said to the vendor as he and Inoichi walked up, "PLEASE tell us that you serve passable beer here!"

"I sell cans of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager," the vendor said, bending down and pulling two cans of the drink out from a cooler under the counter.

As he placed them onto the counter, Harold and Inoichi both fell to their knees, with Inoichi looking up into the sky and shouting, "THANK YOU, GOD!" as tears of happiness rolled down the sides of his face.

"Uhh, sirs?" Neji said as he pointed to a menu of the items sold at the booth, drawing the two older ninjas' attention to it.

"…I don't care if it's twice as pricey as any other beer I've drunken so far at the carnival tonight," Harold remarked, "It's worth it to finally have something good to drink!"

"I need to wash the taste of piss-like beer out of my mouth, and Pape Konoha's Brand Lager is just what the doctor ordered," Inoichi agreed as he also bought a can of the lager.

"Dude, what you just said about doctors ordering something gave me an idea," Harold began as he and Inoichi popped the tops of their respective drinks, "Do you think I can get my niece, who IS a doctor, to write us prescriptions for Pape Konoha's Brand Lager?"

"If Sakura really did do something like that, I would have to ask her what excuse she had for hitting me so many times back when we were all kids," Naruto remarked dryly as he gave the two older ninjas a 'really?' look, with Neji nodding in agreement with the Hokage.

* * *

Later, as Harold, Inoichi, Tsume, Kuromaru, Naruto and Neji walked through the carnival grounds (Harold and Inoichi were both carrying armfuls of cans of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager), Harold said in a content-sounding tone, "Ah, now THIS is a carnival!"

"I totally agree with you, man," Inoichi remarked as he downed his third can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager.

Turning to face his cousin-in-law, Naruto said, "You see, _this_ is why I'd question Sakura's intelligence if she seriously wrote prescriptions for beer."

"I wouldn't," Tsume remarked casually, then said to her friends, "Yo guys, one of you toss me a beer." Harold and Inoichi both tossed Tsume one beer each, to which the Inuzuka matriarch exclaimed, "Sweet! Double beer!" All Kuromaru could think of doing was shake his head in a disapproving manner as his owner popped one of the cans open.

As Neji nodded in agreement once again, Harold said, "Hey, is that Shikaku playing a carnival game?" The attention of the group was all drawn to the sight, about twelve feet ahead, of Shikaku Nara playing a carnival game; judging by the look on his face, he was having something of a difficult time trying to win. With the older Nara man were his grandchildren Shikaru and Inohime, plus Shikaru's friends Haru and Natsu.

"Word up with thee, dudes and dudettes?" Harold proclaimed as he and the others all approached.

"This frigg'en carnival game is frigg'en hard to frigg'en win," the older Nara man complained angrily, "I mean I know I'm old, but I'm not so old so that it's difficult for me to throw a baseball at a stack of bottles to knock said stack over in order to win a plushy for my granddaughter!"

"Gentlemen, behold!" Inoichi declared to the others, "Proof that Shikaku is trying to mend fences with Shikaru and Inohime!"

Looking at the carnival game booth in question, Naruto said, "Hold on a second." Walking over, Naruto hopped over the counter (alarming the booth vendor in the process), walked up to one of the stacks of bottles, and poked it with his right index finger. When it didn't budge, the Hokage grabbed the bottle and pulled up; not only were all the bottled firmly stuck together, but the stack was also firmly stuck to the table it sat on, making it impossible for the stack to be knocked over by anyone who tries to play the game. "As I suspected," Naruto said as he hopped back over the counter to rejoin Neji and the older ninjas.

"Aha! I knew that something was up with this game!" Shikaru exclaimed as he pointed accusingly at the carnival game, "The carney running this booth is cheating, ripping people off so he can make an easy ryo! (1) No wonder both Haru and I lost a lot of money trying to win this game! It was rigged!"

"Wait a minute," Shikaku began. Looking to the carney running the booth, Shikaku said angrily, "You ripped off my grandson?!" Raising back his right fist, Shikaku said, "You son of a-"

"Shikaku," Inoichi interrupted, getting the older Nara man's attention. "Before you break the carney's face, allow me to make a proposition," Inoichi said once he had Shikaku's attention. The two older men huddled together, and exchanged hushed whispering. After about twenty seconds, Shikaku and Inoichi broke off; Shikaku gave Inoichi a nod of agreement.

Turning back around to face the dishonest carney, Shikaku said, "Alright, here's the deal. If you return all of the money you ripped off from my grandson, plus all of the money you ripped off from me, then Inoichi and I won't be forced to break your face."

"Don't forget the plushy that you and I both tried to win for Inohime," Shikaru added.

Pointing to his grandson in a commending manner, Shikaku said, "Good idea, little man!" To the carney, Shikaku said, "Yeah, throw in that bunny plushy as well."

"O-o-o-okay," the carney stuttered in fear, returning to Shikaku a pile of ryo, and getting down a plushy of Judy Hopps.

Counting out how much he lost, Shikaku handed over the rest of the ryo to Shikaru while saying, "Here you go, Shikaru."

After a quick count, Shikaru said, "This is a thousand short."

"No way, that is all that you spent!" the carney exclaimed.

"Hand the rest over, you jerk," Shikaku said in a warning tone, angrily shaking a fist.

After the carney handed over another thousand ryo, Shikaku handed that money to Shikaru and said, "There you go, Shikaku." Handing the Judy plushy to Inohime, Shikaku added, "And here you go, young lady."

"Yay Judy!" Inohime exclaimed as she received the plushy, hugging it tightly.

"Hey, have you kids eaten yet?" Shikaku asked his grandchildren.

"I personally wouldn't recommend any of the booths here," Naruto remarked casually.

"No, I was planning on getting me and Inohime some food after I won her that plushy," Shikaru remarked.

"Inohime tired," said the young Nara/Yamanaka girl as her eyelids were starting to droop.

Smiling, Shikaku said, "Tell you kids what. Shikaru, why don't you and your friends here go have some more fun while your Grandma Yoshino and I take Inohime off your hands."

"Well that would same me a load of trouble," Shikaru replied.

Taking his granddaughter by her hand, Shikaku said, "Come on, young lady. Grandpa will get you some cotton candy."

"Yay!" Inohime cheered as loudly as she could (which wasn't too much; again, she's getting tired).

After Shikaku and Inohime walked off, Inoichi said with an approving nod, "I think it's safe to say that Inohime is no longer frightened of Shikaku."

"Well this is all well and good," the dishonest carney remarked, getting everyone else's attention, "Maybe we can forget that this all happened?"

"Yeah, I don't think so," Naruto remarked, "I don't know where you come from, but here in Konoha, no one gets away with ripping off innocent people on my watch."

"Just who the frig do you think you are mister," the dishonest carney snapped, "The frigg'en Hokage?!"

"Actually, yes," Naruto replied, "I _AM_ the Hokage."

With a mildly stunned look, the dishonest carney said, "Well damn." As Naruto sent Neji off to get some village ninja to apprehend the dishonest carney and shut down his stand, Sasuke came walking up to the scene. With him were Sakura and Hinata.

"Oh look, miss doesn't-appreciate-the-gift-I-got-her-daughter-for-her-birthday is back," Tsume remarked with an annoyed sneer as she watched Hinata approach.

As Hinata gave Tsume an annoyed glare, Sasuke said, "So what's everyone doing together here?"

"This carney is running a rigged game booth that ripped me off of a lot of money when I tried to win a prize for Natsu," Haru explained, pointing to the dishonest carney. After Haru mentioned this, both Sakura and Hinata looked at the carney with glares that could kill.

"…Did you seriously rip off my son?" Sakura said angrily.

"Are you trying to ruin my daughter's first experience at a carnival?" Hinata asked the carney, sounding just as angry.

"Oh snap," Sasuke remarked worriedly, taking a few steps back.

"Sasuke, what's with you?" Harold asked.

Seeing Naruto, looking just as worried, back of with Sasuke, Inoichi asked, "Lord Sixth, you okay?"

"Do you not see me and Sasuke's respective wives getting angry at that carney?" Naruto asked as he pointed to Sakura and Hinata; the latter was climbing over the counter while the former was already over on the same side as the carney, holding him (with one hand) in the air by his neck.

"Keep him pinned," Hinata said to Sakura, "I want first shot at putting my foot in his groin."

"Only if you agree to hold his arms behind his back while I punch him in the gut repeatedly afterwards," Sakura agreed.

As the two mothers proceeded to beat up the dishonest carney, the man exclaimed as he was being beaten, "Hey, I was told that my face wouldn't get wrecked!"

"Shikaku only said that he and I wouldn't wreck your face," Inoichi replied over the sounds of the carney getting beaten up, "He never said anything about Harold's niece and Lord Sixth's wife beating you up!"

"Oh, I wish I had a video camera to record my niece kicking someone's ass!" Harold exclaimed.

"I got you covered, dude," Tsume said, getting Harold's attention and making him see that the Inuzuka woman was already recording everything on video.

"…This is why I question Sakaki whenever she leaves Bankai alone with Tsume," Kuromaru said to the men.

* * *

The following morning over at the Fisher residence, Harold and his wife Sophia were entertaining guests; their niece Sakura and nephew-in-law Sasuke, to be precise. "So after Hinata and I beat the snot out of that jerk, I got Haru his money back and Hinata got Natsu that fox plushy that Haru was trying to win for her," Sakura said as she finished telling Sophia the story she had.

"When Haru said that he got three times as much back than what he spent, Sakura told him to think of the rest was interest," Sasuke added.

"Well I'm glad to see that you and your friend have your respective children's interests in mind," Sophia remarked before taking a sip from her mug of tea.

"Hey Sophia, Tsume burned me a copy of the video recording she got of Sakura and Lord Sixth's wife beating the hell out of that carney," Harold said as he held up a DVD, "You wanna see?"

"I'm not much of a fan of violence as entertainment," Sophia began, "But if it was done to avenge some injustice done to my grandnephew, then I'll give watching it a go."

"Hey Mr. Fisher," Sasuke said, "You said that Shikamaru's dad has managed to patch things up with Shikaru and Inohime."

"Yeah, funny thing about that, actually," Harold replied as he picked up his mug of coffee to take a sip from it.

* * *

Over at Inoichi's house, in the den, a child's play table was set up. Seated in one of the chairs around the play table was Inohime. Also seated at the play table, going from Inohime's left, were Inohime's new Judy Hopps plushy, a doll of Elsa from Frozen (Inoichi bought his granddaughter a new Elsa doll to replace the one lost in the fire), Inohime's Pinkie Pie plushy, Inoichi himself, and Shikaku (who was on Inohime's right). "So, uhh…how does this work?" Shikaku asked, "I'm sorry, but this is the first time I've ever done something like this."

"Oh it's really easy," Inoichi began, "First you-"

"Dad? The hell are you doing?" Shikamaru's voice called out, getting the attention of all the humans at the table.

"Grandpas are playing tea party with Inohime!" the young Nara girl explained, "Join us, daddy!"

"I'm actually rather busy, sweetie," Shikamaru replied in as respectful a tone as he could manage.

"Hey, if I'm doing this, you have to do it to," Shikaku remarked.

"Oh come on, dad!" Shikamaru complained.

"Now, young man," Shikaru said. Grumbling in a disgruntled tone, Shikamaru walked over and joined the tea party. As Inohime started to serve pretend tea, Ino walked by and looked into the den.

Meeting his wife eye-to-eye, Shikamaru said with a freaked out look on his face, "Please don't-" Ino cut her husband off when she started to laugh hysterically. "-…That," Shikamaru remarked in an annoyed tone.

END, CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Author's Notes:

(1) 'Make an easy ryo' equals 'make an easy buck'. This story is set in Konoha, after all.

I'm pretty sure that by the time this chapter is out, the bit about the gemnyans that occurs early in the story will be somewhat outdated, given that the second Yo-kai Watch games will either be close to being released or will be released already. Sorry about that.

Also, I really want to get a Midday form Lycanroc. Good thing I'm intending on getting Sun Version.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter seventeen: Starved Slim (AKA this ain't your normal kind of Weighty Aesop)

Over in the village of Sunagakure, the current Kazekage, Gaara, was going over a file at his desk at the Kazekage office building. As Gaara worked, his older brother, Kankuro, came walking in. "Hey Gaara, you won't believe what I found while I was cleaning up the den at home," Kankuro said as he walked up to Gaara's desk.

"Wait, what were you doing cleaning up the den?" Gaara asked, looking at his older brother with an incredulous look.

Tossing a photo album onto Gaara's desk, Kankuro said, "Ready for a trip down memory lane?"

"Will any stop on this trip remind me of how much of a psychotic turd-nozzle I used to be?" Gaara asked. Looking mildly alarmed, Kankuro quickly took the album back and proceeded to flip through it, remove various photos from it here and there before handing it back to Gaara.

"No, not one photo that is in this album will bring back any such memories," Kankuro replied.

Opening the album, Gaara saw some old but sweet photos. As he looked, the Kazekage couldn't help but crack a smile. "Heh, here's a picture of you, me and Temari during a birthday party for you," Gaara said as he pointed out a picture. Walking around the desk to stand next to Gaara, Kankuro looked over his little brother's shoulder and saw the photo in question.

"Heh, yeah, that was a really good party, huh?" Kankuro remarked.

A look of mild confusion appearing on his face as he looked at the photo in question, Gaara said, "Hang on. Why is Temari chubby in this picture? I never recall her ever having any such issue with her weight."

"Oh yeah, you were too young at the time to remember this, but Temari used to be quite the porker," Kankuro explained, "Of course, a diet and exercise regimen fixed that quickly enough."

Looking again at the picture, Gaara remarked in a somber tone, "I wonder what Temari would have said about this picture if she hadn't died in that traffic accident in Konoha years ago."

"She would have said that she was ashamed to have ever been that huge," Kankuro said, and when Gaara looked at him in a confused manner he continued, "Oh come on now, little brother. You know how girls all over the place tend to be obsessed with losing weight."

"I guess you're right," Gaara replied as he closed the photo album. Scooting his chair back from his desk, Gaara said as he got up, "Now back to my previous question. What were you doing cleaning up the den?" (1)

* * *

Over in Konohagakure the next morning, over at the Uzumaki residence, Naruto was sitting at the dining table, drinking a mug of coffee. Hinata, who is married to Naruto, was making some food for breakfast. "So, anything big happening today?" Hinata asked as she walked over and sat at the table.

"Sasuke, Shikamaru and I are planning on heading on to the shipyard where _The Hanamaru_ was built," Naruto replied.

Shifting around uncomfortably, Hinata said, "It's a shame what happened to Konoha's first airship."

"Well at least Kiba's mom used _The Hanamaru_ to crash into and kill a powerful ninja that attacked Konoha during the Chunnin Exams and damn, why does that last part sound so familiar?" Naruto replied.

"By the way, did you remember to send that award for service to Konoha to Kiba's mother?" Hinata asked.

"Oh yeah, that slipped my mind," Naruto replied. Draining the last of the coffee from his mug, Naruto put the mug in the sink and said, "Well dear, I'm off to work now. The village can't run itself."

Getting up from the table, Hinata walked up to Naruto and kissed him on the cheek. "You take care now," Hinata replied.

"Oh by the way, you heard Natsu get up in the middle of the night to throw up in the bathroom, right?" Naruto asked, "I think she's been in the bathroom all morning as well."

"She must be sick," Hinata agreed, "I'll get her some medicine while I'm out in town today."

"I hope it's not something serious," Naruto remarked as he walked out the door.

* * *

Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka, Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru were all standing around the smoldering remains of what was once a vehicle. "Okay," Kuromaru began in a clearly annoyed tone, "How are you three going to explain to Lord Sixth that you've totaled yet ANOTHER ice cream truck?!"

"Okay, now in our defense," Inoichi began, "The boys and I were under the impression that we had a mail truck this time."

"We were trying to shake things up a bit," Tsume stated.

"Hey, you know what would be a cool vehicle to have?" Harold asked rhetorically.

"The General Lee?" Inoichi suggested.

"The Batmobile?" Tsume offered.

"Something _other_ than an ice cream truck?" Kuromaru offered sarcastically.

"…Actually, I was thinking of the DeLorean," Harold replied, "But what you guys said gave me an even BETTER idea! A super-vehicle that is a mix of the Batmobile, the General Lee AND the DeLorean!"

"Holy frigg'en snap, Harold, you are the greatest mind that the history of Konoha has even known!" Inoichi exclaimed.

"Oh sure," Kuromaru agreed in a sarcastic tone, "And hey! While you're at it, why not throw in KITT from Knight Rider?"

"Holy snap, did you guys just hear the brilliant idea that Kuromaru just came up with?!" Tsume remarked in an amazed tone that clearly showed that she had failed to pick up on her dog's sarcasm, "Fusing the General Lee, KITT, the DeLorean AND the Batmobile into a single super-awesome super car!"

"Holy balls, that is the most awesome thing I've ever heard of!" Harold exclaimed.

"Well what the frig are we waiting for?!" Inoichi said, "We should build that car!"

As the three older ninjas were talking excitedly amongst themselves, they heard a young male voice call out, "Hey, Uncle Harold!" The older ninjas all turned and saw that Haru Uchiha, Harold's grandnephew, came walking up.

"Haru, dude!" Harold greeted, "The boys and I are getting ready to build the single greatest hey little man what's with the worried look?" It wasn't until Harold deviating to a different line of thought midsentence that Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru saw that Haru was looking worried.

"It's about Natsu," Haru began, his tone showing worry.

"Oh, are you worried she's going to dump you?" Tsume asked, "Do what any sane man would do. Bribe her by getting her a puppy."

"Natsu likes cats over dogs, remember Mrs. Bankai's grandma?" Haru replied.

"…Then I have no idea on how to help you," Tsume said after a few seconds, "I'm sorry. That…that girl is a lost cause."

"So what's the problem then, little dude?" Harold asked, "IS your little girlfriend losing interest in you?"

"What? Oh no, no that isn't it," Haru replied insistently, "The relationship that Natsu and I have going on is strong and healthy."

"So what's eating at you then?" Inoichi asked.

"Natsu's sick," Haru replied, "The boys and I were going to ask Natsu if she wanted to join us for a video game session, but Mrs. Uzumaki said that Natsu's really sick."

"Maybe we should get to work on building that supercar," Harold suggested to his friends, "That'll make Hiashi's granddaughter feel loads better."

"Supercar?" Haru repeated in a confused tone.

"Oh, the boys and I are planning on building a supercar," Harold explained to his grandnephew, "It's going to be a fusion of the General Lee, KITT, the DeLorean and the Batmobile."

"It's going to be the single greatest car in the history of cars," Inoichi declared to Haru, "It will be so awesome, its awesomeness will make things that are regularly awesome, like Rainbow Dash, seem by comparison totally unawesome, like your grandma."

"Yeah, my little sister Mebuki can be a spoil sport from time to time," Harold agreed.

"I'm going to go see what exactly is wrong with Natsu," Haru said as he turned to leave, "And do what I can to help, assuming that Mrs. Uzumaki will let me." Before Haru could start walking, a hand being laid on his shoulder stopped him. Turning around, Haru saw that it was his granduncle who had gotten his attention.

"You truly are growing into what a real man should be, Haru," Harold remarked, "And since the boys and I are going to have to run our plan by Lord Sixth anyway, we'll tag along to the Uzumaki residence."

"You guys DO realize that Lord Sixth will never approve of your plan for the supercar," Kuromaru stated.

"Not if we tell him that it will be part Batmobile," Harold declared, "Lord Sixth's favorite DC comic hero is Batman. I'm sure that if-"

"Natsu's dad's favorite DC hero is Hal Jordan Green Lantern," Haru pointed out, "It's Choba's dad who likes Batman."

"Ah snap," Harold replied in a disappointed tone.

"But Natsu's dad does like 'The Dukes of Hazard'," Haru continued, "And you guys DID say that the super car will be part General Lee."

"Back in the saddle!" Inoichi exclaimed as he pumped a fist into the air. And with that, Harold and company proceeded to make their way over to the Uzumaki residence.

* * *

When Harold and company got over to the Uzumaki residence, they saw that Hinata was tending to a flower garden along the base of the house on the right side of the front door. "Yo, Lord Sixth's wife!" Harold called out, "Word up with thee?" Turning around, Hinata saw Harold and the others come walking up.

"Mr. Fisher, now's not a good time to be so loud," Hinata snapped, and actually managing to snap at Harold in as respectful a manner as anyone has ever been able to snap at anyone else.

"Yeah, I know, my grandnephew told me that your daughter's sick," Harold replied as he patted Haru on the shoulder, "And that's part of why we're here. Haru's really worried about your daughter." Hinata's expression softened somewhat at what Harold said.

"…I suppose if Haru kept his visit brief, then there won't be any harm," Hinata replied after a few seconds, "Haru, can you wait to see Natsu until I provide you with a medical mask? I don't want to risk anyone else catching what Natsu may have."

"Medical mask?" Haru repeated in a confused tone, "You mean like that white square cloth thing that my mom wears over her mouth when she does work at the hospital?"

"That's the one," Hinata replied in the affirmative. Getting up from the garden, Hinata walked up to the group and said, "Now then, you said that Haru visiting Natsu was only part of the reason you're here. What's the other part?"

"Oh, the boys and I need to ask your husband for permission to build a supercar," Tsume explained, "It's going to be a combination of the General Lee, KITT, the DeLorean and the Batmobile."

"…I highly doubt that Naruto would ever approve of such a ridiculous plan," Hinata warned the older ninjas, "Even if this supposed supercar will be part General Lee."

As Hinata led Harold and company inside the Uzumaki residence, Haru turned to face Harold and said, "See what I mean, Uncle Harold? Mr. Uzumaki really does like that show."

* * *

Over at the Hokage office building, Naruto was in his office, using the exercise machine he had installed. In the office with Naruto was Sasuke and Shikamaru. "…And that's when Haru asked Sakura to teach him a jitsu that can instantly cure Natsu of whatever she's sick with," Sasuke said as he concluded a story that he was telling to the other two men.

"Ha!" Naruto laughed in a good-natured tone, "Those two really do like each other, huh?"

"I'm just glad you didn't do the whole 'overprotective dad' shtick when Haru first asked Natsu out," Shikamaru said, "Ino's dad did that bit before me and Ino's first date, resulting in the rest of our evening being awkward."

"Sakura's dad apparently didn't know how to do the 'overprotective dad' bit, so he asked Sakura's uncle for help when me and Sakura's first date rolled around," Sasuke said, "I never thought I'd see the day when two grown men dressed up as Superman and Aquaman would attempt to intimidate me."

"Didn't Sakura's uncle and Kiba's mom both dress up as Spider-Man a while back?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah, and speaking of which, the boys in development are close to replicating the web shooter into a stand-alone invention," Shikamaru stated.

"…Yeah, let's try and keep that one from Mr. Fisher and his friends," Naruto replied.

As the men continued to talk, Neji and Ko both came running into the office, both with panicked looks on their faces. "Lord Sixth, this is terrible!" Ko exclaimed.

Sighing, Naruto said, "Alright, what did Mr. Fisher, Mr. Yamanaka and Mrs. Inuzuka do THIS time?"

"They haven't done anything yet," Neji replied, "Although according to Lady Hinata, Mr. Fisher and the others are going to try and convince you to let them build a supercar."

"Tell them that I said no," Naruto declared, "So anywho, why do you two look so worried?"

"It's Lady Natsu, Lord Sixth," Ko began, "She's been rushed to the hospital!"

Immediately alarmed, Naruto shot straight up while exclaiming, "WHAT?!"

"According to the medical ninja that arrived on scene, Lady Natsu may be showing signs of having developed bulimia," Neji continued.

"Then those late night visits to the bathroom to throw up…" Naruto said aloud, "…Those weren't just some minor thing."

"It was Haru who discovered Natsu having passed out," Neji said, "He accompanied Mr. Fisher and the other older ninjas to see Natsu."

"I hope whatever he saw didn't freak him out too much," Sasuke remarked. At that prompting, Ko walked up to Sasuke and whispered something into his ear. "…Haru's going to have nightmares for weeks," Sasuke said, his eyes having gone wide with a mix of shock and worry.

"I'm heading over to Konoha General now," Naruto declared, walking over to a chair where his Hokage haori coat laid on the back of.

"The nurse on the phone told me that Konoha General's best doctor is tending to Natsu personally," Ko said, "Then when she told me that the doctor she was talking about is Dr. Wilson, I told her to replace Wilson with Sakura. You _have_ heard of the reputation that Dr. Wilson has, don't you?"

"That when he was giving a patient a standard check-up, Dr. Wilson somehow managed to accidently kill said patient?" Sasuke stated, "Yeah, replacing him with Sakura was a very smart move."

"Well let's not keep shooting the crap, guys," Shikamaru said, "We've got a visit to pay over at hey where did Naruto go?" Shikamaru, Sasuke and the two cadet Hyuga looked around the office; not a single sign of Naruto was anywhere to be seen. "…Maybe Naruto IS an overprotective dad after all," Shikamaru remarked aloud.

* * *

Outside of a hospital room, Haru and Hinata sat in chairs along the wall while Harold and his friends stood around. "...Okay, I've got it," Harold said as he raised a finger in exclamation, "First, my niece will use her super-healing jitsu powers to cure whatever's wrong with-"

"What my daughter has isn't exactly something that even Sakura can heal, Mr. Fisher," Hinata pointed out.

"And here I thought that Sakura was your best friend," Harold replied in an admonishing tone, "Oh ye of little faith."

"Sakura _is_ my best friend, and I have no doubt in her abilities as a medic ninja," Hinata replied sternly, "It's just that even Sakura can't just cure what's wrong with Natsu by making her hand glow with healing chakra and placing said hand on Natsu's back."

"Hinata has a point, Uncle Harold," Sakura's voice replied from within the nearest hospital room; after a moment, Sakura stepped out, wearing a doctor's coat.

"But you're the medical genius who invented the hangover cure the boys and I sought for years!" Inoichi exclaimed, "How can you not cure Lord Sixth's daughter's Bologna?"

"First off, that quote unquote 'hangover cure' was just chocolate milk that I told you three would cure your hangover," Sakura began, "I wanted to experiment around with the placebo effect theory. Secondly, it's called bulimia, not bologna." Hearing Sakura use the name of what Natsu supposedly has made Hinata start crying again.

"So why can't you cure it?" Tsume asked, "You've healed all sorts of injuries and maladies, like my foot injury that made me miss the girl's birthday party, or the shoulder injuries that Harold and Inoichi suffered when they tried to move that wardrobe for Choza's wife, or Harold's broken ribs which Mebuki broke."

"In hindsight, my offering to help Haru dye his hair pink because he wanted to more closely resemble those in his family with Fisher blood in their veins while in front of my little sister MAY have ticked her off just a smidge," Harold admitted.

"I'm sorry I made Grandma Mebuki break your ribs, Uncle Harold," Haru said apologetically.

"Ah, you just wanted to have a bit of the Fisher family look on you," Harold replied in a forgiving tone as he ruffled Haru's hair, "How can I hate you for your grandmother punching me in the ribs hard enough to break a few of them?"

"I think we're getting off subject," Kuromaru pointed out, then turned to face Sakura and said, "So why can't your cure Natsu's bulimia?"

"In terms that my uncle and his friends can understand, bulimia is a problem that's partly rooted in the head of the person with it," Sakura began, "It's a rather obsessive need to lose weight, by any means necessary."

"Wait, why does Natsu need to lose weight?" Haru asked, looking totally confused and mildly worried.

"She doesn't," Sakura replied with a mild shake of her head, looking as sympathetic as she could towards her son, "She just THINKS she has to."

"You know, looking back on Ino's childhood as she grew up, I've seen her experiencing some of the milder symptoms of bulimia," Inoichi remarked, "But since every girl Ino's age at the time were also showing the exact same signs, I just thought it was all part of girl puberty."

"That's what I thought too," Tsume stated. (2)

Shaking her head in mild disappointment, Sakura said in a mildly annoyed tone, "No, Mr. Yamanaka. Those are NOT signs of girl puberty. Geez, what kind of sex education class did you take when you were younger?"

"I didn't take one," Inoichi replied.

"Yeah, the boys and I didn't have things like that when we were younger," Harold continued, "Hell, Inoichi and I didn't have any sort of idea on how sex worked until one day in our mid to late teens, when Tsume explained it to us by using her lunch." (3)

"Well no wonder Harold and Inoichi lost their appetite that day," Kuromaru remarked.

"I have never eaten another hot dog since that day so long ago," Harold said in a mildly somber tone.

Turning to face Hinata, Sakura ripped of a sheet of paper from the clipboard she was carrying. "Natsu will be free to go tomorrow, but make sure she sees this psychologist. He specializes in cases such as this."

Taking the sheet of paper from Sakura rather gingerly, Hinata said, "Thank you, Sakura."

"Natsu's going to be okay, won't she?" Haru asked.

"She will in time," Sakura replied, "But she's going to need a lot of help from those who care about her, not to mention those who she cares about."

"Hey, you know what I bet will pick Lord Sixth's daughter right up?" Harold began.

"For the last time Mr. Fisher, Naruto is NOT going to approve of you and your friends' plan for a supercar," Hinata replied sternly.

Snapping his fingers, Harold said in a disappointed tone, "Aww shucks."

* * *

The following afternoon, Harold and Inoichi, their expressions noticeably glum, were walking along on the sidewalk somewhere in Konoha. With them was Haru, whose expression was similar to theirs. Sighing, Harold remarked, "I can't believe this has happened."

"I know, Uncle Harold," Haru agreed.

"Yeah," Harold continued, "Lord Sixth's daughter became Belgian."

"Don't you mean bulimic?" Haru asked.

"What's a Belgian?" Inoichi asked.

"I was trying to pronounce the word that Haru just said," Harold explained.

As the men talked, they stopped outside of a bookstore when they saw Ino and Sakura walk out of it. "…So, I figured that it was high time to buy some new books to read to Inohime for her bedtime stories," Ino said to Sakura.

"Inohime thinks that it's Yoshino's turn to read her a story tonight," Inoichi pointed out, getting the attention of the two women.

"Oh, hey dad," Ino greeted.

"Hey Uncle Harold, hey Haru," Sakura greeted, "Are you keeping him out of trouble?"

"Sakura, you know full well that Haru's perfectly well behaved," Harold replied.

"I wasn't talking to you," Sakura said, drawing a slight snicker from Ino.

"So what are you girls up to?" Harold asked.

"Oh, Ino and I were just catching up while taking care of some shopping," Sakura explained, "In fact, Ino decided to get some new story books for Inohime."

"I found a really great one that I bet Inohime will love," Ino added as she pulled a book out of the shopping bag and showed it to Harold and the others. "It's called ' _Maggie goes on a diet_ '," Ino explained, "It's about an overweight girl who loses her excess weight and as a result becomes popular."

"Can I see that book really quick, dear?" Inoichi asked. After his adult daughter handed him the book, Inoichi looked at the cover for a few seconds before flinging the book straight into the air while shouting, "RAHHHHHHHH!"

"What the-?!" Ino exclaimed in shock.

Ino would have continued, but she was cut off when Harold shouted, "Haru! Now!" Without even thinking about it, Haru cast a fireball jitsu that struck the book about twenty feet in midair, incinerating the book and making ashes rain down upon Harold and the others.

"The evil hath been slain," Harold remarked in a grim tone, with his expression matching his voice.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?!" Ino exclaimed at the two older ninjas, "Do you know how much I paid for that?"

"And taking advantage of Haru's inability to think before acting in the heat of the moment to destroy it," Sakura added, "Seriously!"

"Girls, it's stuff like that book I had Haru burn that causes children like Lord Sixth's daughter to do to themselves what happened to Lord Sixth's daughter," Harold explained.

"That's still no excuse to destroy the book I got for my kid!" Ino snapped.

"Actually, my uncle raises a point," Sakura said to Ino, "And wow, I cannot believe I'm actually agreeing with my UNCLE on something."

"…Sakura?" Ino replied in a confused tone.

"The book that Uncle Harold had Haru destroy," Sakura began, "It's actually a rather controversial children's book. In fact, it's on the list of books that Gaara has banned in Sunagakure."

"Gaara banned a children's book from Sunagakure?" Ino replied in the same tone of confusion.

"Granted, what my uncle and your dad did was going a tad far," Sakura admitted, "But in light of recent events, you can't really blame them." With a gentle shake of her head, Sakura added, "Besides, it's not like your dad, my uncle and Kiba's mom destroyed another ice cream truck."

"Uhh yeah, about that," Inoichi began.

"Look, the fact of the matter is that things like that book are what makes kids like Lord Sixth's daughter go to the lengths they go to," Harold said to Ino and Sakura, "Someone needs to remedy this."

"And what do you propose?" Sakura asked.

"I can write a children's book," Inoichi offered.

"…Excuse me?" Ino said in a deadpan, looking at her father with an incredulous look.

"Yeah," Inoichi continued in a tone that suggested he was getting more and more into his idea, "I can write a children's book that encourages children to accept others, and themselves, for who they are."

"Are you sure you have what it takes to do that?" Ino asked.

"Not only will I write such a children's book," Inoichi declared, "But after it gets published, I'll personally give Inohime a signed copy of it. I bet that she'd love a storybook that's written by her grandpa!"

Smiling despite herself, Ino said, "Yeah, I bet receiving something like that would make Inohime's day."

"Then it's settled!" Inoichi proclaimed as he puffed out his chest and put his fists on his waist, "I shall write a children's book!"

* * *

A few days later, ' _Pepper the plump pony_ ' hit shelves in the children's section of book stores in Konoha and its allied lands. Setting several sales records in its first week, the well-received children's book was the talk of the ninja world; it even made its way into morning talk shows, one of which Inoichi himself was on. The icing on the TV appearance cake was when Inoichi presented his granddaughter with a signed copy of the book about a chubby pony befriending a wheelchair-bound ten-year-old witch, a princess with autism, and a black kid.

With all of the money Inoichi made from publishing his children's book, not only did he and his wife Michelle have money to burn, but Inoichi was able to finance the supercar project that he, Harold and Tsume wanted to do even though Naruto expressly told them not to do the project (but then again, since when did Naruto telling Harold and company not to do something ever stop them from trying to do that something anyway?).

And so it was that Harold and company were building their ideal supercar in Inoichi's garage. "This is going to be the most awesome supercar EVER!" Tsume exclaimed as she helped Harold set a DeLorean-style car door into place on the left side of the supercar.

"Hey Inoichi, did you get the General Lee car horn yet?" Harold asked.

"Yeah, it's on the table over there," Inoichi said as he pointed out the car horn that has yet to be installed.

As Harold walked over to get the car horn, he said, "I hear that Lord Sixth's daughter is making progress in her rehabilitation."

"Well I'm glad to see that the young lady's recovering," Inoichi remarked. Looking mildly somber, Inoichi added, "I'd hate to see either Shikaru or Inohime ever go through that mess."

"Well with the effort you made in the form of that children's book, I don't think that will ever happen," Kuromaru remarked casually, "By the way, didn't Lord Sixth specifically tell you guys NOT to build the supercar?"

"Since when did Lord Sixth telling us not to do something ever stop us before?" Tsume asked rhetorically. Kuromaru opened his mouth to object, but before he said anything he stopped and gave what Tsume said some thought.

"Point taken," the Inuzuka ninja dog remarked.

END, CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Author's Notes:

(1) Kankuro was cleaning out the den because he wanted to make a man-cave.

(2) Keep in mind that Tsume, in this setting, is an idiot.

(3) Tsume had a hot dog and a glazed donut (you know, the circular one with the hole in the middle) for her lunch.

Anywho, this is my attempt at a 'very special episode'-type story that covers a topic that I have seen come up time and again. Losing weight is good for your health, yes. But only if you have the weight to lose. In fact, it's probably wise to discuss such things with a medical professional (you know, someone who knows that the hell he/she is talking about) prior to trying anything that will have a significant impact on your overall health. Also, if you have any questions concerning bulimia, seek ACTUAL sources of knowledge on the matter; at best I provided a watered-down gist on the subject.

Also, on a note related to some information revealed yesterday (10-4-16), I can't wait for the Litten that I'm going to get to evolve into Torracat.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter eighteen: Happy anniversary, Harold and Sophia! (AKA being married for forty years is quite the Milestone Celebration, wouldn't you agree?)

One morning in the village of Konohagakure, Harold Fisher, Konoha's oldest active jonin, was having breakfast with his wife Sophia. As Sophia picked up a mug of coffee to take a sip from it, Harold opened the newspaper to read it. "…Well ain't that tragic but ultimately sweet," Harold remarked as he read an article.

"Hmm? What is it, dear?" Sophia asked after setting down her mug of coffee.

"It says here that this older lady living in Sunagakure, named Yamato, recently died a few days ago due to an asthma attack," Harold explained, "She died at age seventy-nine, surviving her husband Takeo by six years. The article goes on to say that the two of them had been married for fifty-two years until Takeo was killed when he was hit by a car because he pushed a four-year-old child out of the way of said car, saving the kid's life. As per her wishes, Yamato will be buried next to her husband in Sunagakure's local cemetery." (1)

"You're right about how it's sad that she lived on for such a time after her husband died, but now that they're together again, it is ultimately sweet," Sophia agreed with a solemn nod.

Folding the newspaper closed, Harold laid it on the table next to his plate and said, "You know, Sophia, our forty-second anniversary is tomorrow," Harold began as he gave his wife a knowing grin. Seeing the way her husband was smiling at her, Sophia could not help but giggle.

"Indeed it is," Sophia replied as she held a hand in front of her mouth in an attempt to keep Harold from noticing her embarrassed smile (it didn't work, as Harold could see Sophia's blushing).

"And after our forty-second anniversary tomorrow," Harold continued, "I'd like to see if we can break the record set by the couple being talked about in the article I just read."

"And maybe we can try for a few more after that?" Sophia suggested slyly, having more and more trouble hiding the blushing that was taking over her face.

"Oh hells yeah!" Harold agreed enthusiastically and instantly. The Fisher patriarch then picked up his own mug of coffee and raised it in a toast to his wife as he said, "To the single greatest woman to have ever lived in the history of forever!" Now the older Fisher woman could not help but laugh out loud in good nature; that husband of hers sure knew how to make her laugh.

* * *

The next morning, Inoichi Yamanaka, Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru all walked over to the Fisher residence to pick up their friend Harold. "So how are we going to decide whether to go for the General Lee-style paintjob or the Batmobile-style paintjob?" Tsume asked the guys present, "I mean, we can't use BOTH colorations on the supercar."

"That's why we're going to ask Harold about it," Inoichi explained, "If push comes to shove, he can serve as a tiebreaker."

When the two humans and one dog reached Harold's front door, it was Inoichi who knocked. When Harold answered it, he greeted his friends. "Oh, 'sup dudes?" Harold said.

"Harold, dude, we need your help concerning the supercar," Inoichi explained, "Tsume and I are wondering whether we want to give it the General Lee-style paintjob or the Batmobile-style paintjob."

"Oh, umm, actually dudes, this isn't a good time," Harold replied, "I'd certainly love to try this first thing tomorrow. Just not today."

With a mildly confused look, Kuromaru said, " _YOU_ , Harold Fisher, of all people, doesn't want to take part in stupidity? What's going on?"

"Today is me and Sophia's forty-second wedding anniversary," Harold explained, "I'm going to be wanting to spend the entire day with Sophia, culminating in taking her out to dinner at the fanciest restaurant in the village."

"Say no more, my good man," Inoichi replied, sounding completely understanding of his best friend, "When it comes to the choice between helping to build a supercar or spending his anniversary with his wife, a true man wouldn't think of picking anything other than the latter option."

"Thank you, Inoichi," Harold replied.

"In fact, if you so want, Tsume and I can run interference to make sure no one disturbs you and your wife at all today," Inoichi offered, "Remember when you and Tsume did the same for me last year during me and Michelle's forty-first anniversary?"

"And how we'll probably end up doing the same this year for you and Michelle's forty-second anniversary?" Harold replied.

"It's always fun running interference," Tsume commented with a chuckle.

"I'm surprised that none of you ever got into any trouble for any of the crap that you've pulled during this 'interference'," Kuromaru remarked.

"We're really good at keeping ourselves covered when it really matters," Tsume explained to her ninja dog.

"So it's agreed," Inoichi declared to Harold, "Tsume, Kuromaru and I will run interference to make sure no one disturbs you and you wife today."

"Can't I just go home and keep my mouth shut all day?" Kuromaru asked.

"Nope!" Tsume declared, "You're on board with this one whether you like it or not."

Shaking his head, Kuromaru muttered too quietly for Tsume to hear, "…Sometimes, I wish I was a cat." (2)

* * *

A short while later, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru were watching Harold's front door from a hidden area; if they (Inoichi and Tsume, because Lord knows that Kuromaru would not do anything stupid) saw anyone walk up to Harold's front door, they would leap into action, knocking the person out before they could knock on the door, then drag the knocked out person into the alleyway between Harold's house and the house on its left (if you're facing Harold place). Cracking her knuckles, Tsume said to Inoichi, "Man, it's already been an hour, and yet not one person has tried to bother Harold and his wife today."

"That's actually a good thing," Inoichi remarked as he turned to face his Inuzuka friend, "It saves us a bit of trouble in the short run." Turning his head to face the front of Harold's house again, the Yamanaka patriarch added, "It's the LONG run that I'm worried about."

"Are you guys really sure that doing this is a good idea?" Kuromaru asked, "We could get into some serious trouble."

"Pfft," Tsume replied in a dismissive manner, "The boys and I have not only done this routine for years and never got caught, but we've done things that are loads worse."

"I'm not sure whether to feel triumphant or worried that you've actually admitted that you've done worse than this 'interference' bit," Kuromaru remarked.

To Tsume, Inoichi said, "Tsume, dude, seriously. Why is your dog such a wet blanket?"

"I don't know," Tsume replied with a shrug.

As he turned back to face the front door of Harold's house again, Inoichi said, "You have to admit that you, me and Harold would have loads more fun without your Woah hold on someone's approaching Harold's front door!"

Suddenly, all eyes were on the front of the Fisher residence, where they saw a very plump Konoha woman walk up, carrying a sealed Tupperware container. "Oh, it's just Tenten," Tsume remarked in a dismissive tone.

"We gotta intercept her," Inoichi remarked as if what he had just said was not an option.

"Do you know how hard it will be to drag her fat, unconscious ass into the alleyway next to Harold's place?!" Tsume hissed.

"That's why interception missions are always a team effort," Inoichi remarked.

Over at Harold's front door, Tenten approached the steps leading up to it. As she got onto the first step, something hit her hard in the back of the head. "Tennis anyone?" Tenten said in a daze-like tone as she fell over, perfectly knocked out.

As Inoichi and Tsume each grabbed one of Tenten's hands so they could drag her into the alleyway, Tsume said to Inoichi, "You know, this is, like, the only thing that pisses me off about me getting old. I can't do heavy lifting on my own anymore."

"Well that's why God invented grandchildren," Inoichi replied, "To help us old folks with all of the heavy lifting that we can no longer do on our own."

"Wait, the guy who invented bacon treats also invented grandchildren?" Kuromaru asked in a mildly confused tone as he followed Inoichi and Tsume into the alleyway.

* * *

About a minute later, Tenten woke up. When she came to, she saw that she was sitting on the ground in an alleyway; her hands were tied behind her back with rope, her ankles were also tied together with rope, and there was a strip of duct tape over her mouth. When she looked up and saw Inoichi and Tsume, Tenten immediately went from panicky and frightened to a calm, monotone-style 'oh-not-this-again' type of attitude. "What the hell are the two of you up to this time?" Tenten asked when the duct tape was removed by Tsume.

"Sorry, but we cannot allow you, or anyone for that matter, to disturb Harold and his wife today," Inoichi explained.

With a mildly confused look on her face, Tenten asked, "Why today?"

"Today it Harold and Sophia's forty-second wedding anniversary," Tsume explained, "Harold wants everything to go perfectly, so interruptions should be kept to a minimum."

"Meaning we cannot allow anyone to disturb them today," Inoichi added.

"So one of you snuck up behind me," Tenten began, "Then hit me in the back of the head to knock me out. Then one of you dragged me-"

"Actually, both of us had to drag you," Tsume interrupted.

"…Into this alleyway," Tenten continued with a noticeably annoyed look on her face, "Tied me up with rope, then put some duct tape over my mouth. All because you want to help make sure your friend's anniversary today goes off without a hitch."

"Yeah, we know what you're going to say," Inoichi replied in a tone suggesting that he knew where this was going, "You're going to say that Tsume and I are going way too far-"

"This is actually rather sweet of you two," Tenten interrupted, drawing surprised reactions out of the two older ninja. "Granted, this IS going a tad far," Tenten continued, "But compared to some of the other things the two of you and Mr. Fisher have been known to do, this is actually rather tame. And your reasoning behind doing this is one of the nicest reasons that any of the three of you have ever had for doing any of the things you've ever done."

"Wow, someone actually sees our reasoning," Tsume remarked in a genuinely surprised tone.

"Yeah, thanks Tenten," Inoichi added, "Oh, and it goes without saying that you cannot ever tell anyone about what occurred here today."

"Can you guys at least make sure that Mrs. Fisher gets the Tupperware that I was trying to return?" Tenten asked.

"No problem," Tsume replied with a salute.

"Yep," Inoichi added, "And trust me. I know how women like Sophia can get when Tupperware isn't returned within a certain time frame. My wife Michelle is pretty much the same way with stuff like that as Sophia, so I can attest to Woah there's another person approaching Harold's front door!"

Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru saw that another person was walking up to the steps leading to Harold's front door. This time, it was Natsu Uzumaki; if you looked closely, you could see that Natsu was a bit slim for a girl her age and height. "Wow, Lord Sixth wasn't kidding when he said that his daughter needed to eat more," Inoichi remarked.

Picking up a wooden baseball bat (the same blunt instrument that she used to knock out Tenten), Tsume said casually, "Well, time to go knock her out."

"Wait, knock who out?" Tenten asked in a mildly worried tone.

After climbing to the top of the short staircase leading to Harold's front door, Natsu raised her right hand to gently knock on the door with the knuckles of her fingers. Before she got close enough to make the first knock, something hard hit her in the back of the head. "Volcarona, use Flamethrower," Natsu said in a daze-like tone before falling into unconsciousness.

After the young Uzumaki/Hyuga girl was knocked out, Tsume picked her up and carried her bridal-style into the alleyway ("Wow, this girl is loads lighter than Ten-ton," Tsume remarked in an amazed tone as she carried Natsu).

* * *

A few moments later, Natsu awoke in the alleyway, bound in a likewise manner as Tenten, who she was sitting on the ground next to. "What's going on?" the young genin asked in a frightened tone.

"Yeah, sorry about this," Inoichi said, getting Natsu's attention.

Looking up at Inoichi and Tsume, Natsu said in a confused tone, "Shikaru's grandfather? Bankai's grandmother? What are you two doing?"

"They're trying to make sure that no one interrupts Mr. and Mrs. Fisher's forty-second wedding anniversary," Tenten explained, getting Natsu's attention, "Which is today."

"…Today is Haru's aunt and uncle's wedding anniversary?" Natsu asked.

"Yeah, and the boys and I are working to make sure that no one disturbs them today," Inoichi explained.

"Oh geez," Natsu replied, "I was only going to visit them because my mother is leading the group of women organizing the Halloween festivities in Konoha this year, and my mother wants to know if Haru's aunt is going to be handing out candy to trick-or-treaters this year. I have some papers in my bag that Haru's aunt and uncle have to fill out if they intend to hand out candy this year."

"Wait a minute, hold up there," Tsume interrupted, "The hell are you on about?!"

Looking at the older Inuzuka woman more directly, Natsu explained, "Due to the incident last year involving several houses unknowingly handing out bad candy, my mother and a number of other women in Konoha have organized a committee to monitor and carry out large-scale events that heavily involve Konoha youth. They want to avoid a repeat of what happened during Halloween of last year."

"Yeah, I found the household of the person who gave Inohime a poison-laced caramel last year on Halloween," Inoichi remarked, "The bail that I paid afterwards was worth it."

"That's something else that my mother and other Konoha women are hoping to avoid," Natsu added.

"Well tell you what," Tsume said to Natsu, "The boys and I will make sure that Harold and his wife gets your thing. In exchange, you will leave Harold and his wife alone for the entirety of today, and you never tell anyone of what occurred here. Capiche?"

"…Okay," Natsu replied slowly; her slowness to respond to Tsume was mostly because Tsume used a word that the young Uzumaki/Hyuga girl was unfamiliar with. (3)

"Well now," Inoichi remarked, "It looks like Harold's grandnephew's little girlfriend is a rather Oh snap someone else is approaching Harold's front door!" Tsume, Inoichi and Kuromaru peeked out from the alleyway to see a third person walk up to Harold's front door; this time, it was Sasuke Uchiha.

"Hey, it's Harold's nephew-in-law Sasuke," Tsume remarked casually.

"I'd be genuinely surprised if the two of you are able to do with Sasuke what you did with Tenten and Natsu," Kuromaru stated. At this, both Inoichi and Tsume exchanged knowing looks.

Over at Harold's front door, Sasuke just walked up the last step. Just as he was getting ready to knock on the door, Sasuke felt a sharp blow to the back of his head. "I'd like to solve the puzzle," Sasuke said in a dazed tone as he fell over and was subsequently caught by Inoichi, clearly knocked out.

After Inoichi finished dragging the knocked out Uchiha into the alleyway, Kuromaru said in an amazed tone as Tsume and Inoichi tied Sasuke up, "How did you do that?!"

* * *

About a minute or so later, Sasuke came to; when he did, the first thing he noticed was that he was tied up and sitting on the ground. The second thing he noticed was Tenten and Natsu, both bound in a likewise manner, sitting across from him. "Hey, Mr. Uchiha," Natsu greeted, "How's Haru doing?"

"Natsu, young lady, what the hell is going on?" Sasuke asked.

"Why don't you ask Mr. Yamanaka and Mrs. Inuzuka," Tenten answered for Natsu, prompting Sasuke to turn his head to the left.

When his eyes fell on Inoichi and Tsume, Sasuke turned back to face Tenten and Natsu and said, "Well I see morons two and three, but where's moron one?"

"Mr. Fisher is inside his place," Tenten explained, "Mr. Yamanaka and Mrs. Inuzuka are quote unquote 'running interference', meaning they're making sure no one disturbs Mr. and Mrs. Fisher today."

"Yeah, Sakura told me that today is her aunt and uncle's anniversary," Sasuke replied to Tenten. Turning to face the two older ninjas, Sasuke continued, "I'm guessing that's why you've knocked me out and subsequently took me hostage?"

"Harold only wants today to go perfectly," Inoichi said, "And that can't happen if he and his wife are interrupted constantly."

Raising an eyebrow, the bound Uchiha said, "You know, despite the fact that you two have so far taken three people hostage, two of which are related to Konoha's current Hokage, your reason for doing so is one of the more altruistic reasons that you and your group have ever had for doing any of the asinine things you've ever done."

"Yeah, I pretty much said the same thing myself," Tenten remarked.

"Well I'm glad to see that you guys aren't as pissed off as you would normally be," Tsume said, "I was half expecting one of you to Did you just say that two of you guys are related to Lord Sixth?"

"Well yeah," Sasuke explained, "Tenten is married to Neji, who is Naruto's wife's cousin. And Natsu here is Naruto's daughter."

"…Damn, I knew I was forgetting something important," Tsume remarked with a snap of her fingers.

"I'm pretty sure that Tenten and I can convince Naruto to let you guys off, given your reasoning for doing all of this in the first place and the fact that no one was seriously harmed," Sasuke offered.

"Yeah, I'm with Sasuke on this one," Tenten agreed.

"Can I help?" Natsu asked.

"Well now ain't this just the nicest thing," Inoichi remarked, "Not only are you guys understanding, but you're even willing to Oh frigg'en hell someone else is walking up to Harold's front door!" Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru peeked from around the corner, and saw that it was Haru Uchiha; the young Uchiha boy was carrying a bag in his right hand.

"Hey, it's Harold's grandnephew," Kuromaru remarked.

"I swear to whatever deity there is if there is one that if either of you two morons do to Haru what you've done to me, Tenten and Natsu, I will murder the person responsible in their sleep," Sasuke growled in an angry tone.

"Now hold on there a minute there, Sasuke," Tsume interrupted, "Harold and his wife always enjoy a visit from their grandnephew. I'll get Inoichi to talk to him first, then he'll decide what action to take."

"I'm on it, chief," Inoichi said with a salute to Tsume before going off to see what Haru was up to.

As Haru climbed up the last step, he heard someone harshly whispering from a few feet to his left, "Hey, Haru! Over here!" Turning to face the direction the whispering was coming from, Haru saw Inoichi peeking out from behind the trash.

"Shikaru's grandpa?" Haru said in a confused tone, "Why are you hiding?"

"Me and your granduncle's other friends are on something of a mission right now," Inoichi explained, "What are you doing?"

"Well my mom told me that today is Aunt Sophia and Uncle Harold's anniversary," Haru said. Showing Inoichi the bag he was holding, Haru added, "I went to the store to buy them something nice as a present. You know, to celebrate the very long time that the two of them have been together."

"…What did you get them?" Inoichi asked, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Well I got a twelve-count of those soft sugar cookies for them to share with each other," Haru explained, "I got Aunt Sophia a small box containing twenty-four bags of her favorite tea blend, and I got Uncle Harold a forty-ounce bottle of that alcoholic drink that he and you guys seem to like so much." Taking a large bottle of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager out of the bag, Haru added, "I needed mom to buy this for me, but she seemed okay with the idea when I told her what I had in mind."

After putting the lager back into the bag, Haru said, "Once I give them the little anniversary gift and my regards, I was planning on tracking down Natsu so we could head over to the training grounds to practice kunai and shuriken throwing."

"…Yeah, your little girlfriend is not going to be able to help," Inoichi replied.

"Is she still recovering from her stay at the hospital?" Haru asked in a concerned tone.

"Yeah sure, let's go with that," Inoichi replied.

"Well I'm going to have to push training off until later then," Haru declared, "Seeing if Natsu is well is more of a priority."

"So, drop of the gift, wish them happy anniversary, then you're gone?" Inoichi asked.

After Haru nodded in the affirmative, Inoichi said, "…Alright, you can knock on the door. But don't let your aunt in on the fact that the boys and I are on a mission."

"Right," Haru agreed with a salute to the older ninja. After Inoichi hid himself again, Haru knocked on the front door, which was answered by Harold. "Hey, Uncle Harold," Haru greeted, "Mom told me that today was your and Aunt Sophia's anniversary, so I just wanted to stop by today and give you my regards."

"Well ain't that kind of you, little dude," Harold remarked.

Handing Harold the bag, Haru added, "I even got you and Aunt Sophia something of a gift."

Taking the bag from Haru, Harold said as he looked inside, "Well this is just the icing on the Oh Knuckles the Echidna there's Pape Konoha's Brand Lager!"

"Yeah, I needed mom's help to buy that for you," Haru explained, "So anywho, I hope you and Aunt Sophia have a happy anniversary."

"Oh we're going to have one hell of an evening, little dude," Harold replied, "Thank you."

"Now if you will excuse me, I was told that Natsu is still not feeling well," Haru said as he proceeded to excuse himself.

"Have a good day, Haru, and thanks again," Harold replied. As he closed the door, Harold called into the house, "Hey Sophia! Guess what Haru brought us!" After Harold shut the front door, Haru hopped off of the stairs and proceed to head over to house Uzumaki.

After Haru was out of sight, Inoichi snuck back into the alleyway next to the Fisher residence. "Well that was alright," Inoichi said as he rejoined Tsume and Kuromaru.

"I hope like hell that we don't have to keep this up for much longer," Tsume remarked in a slightly exasperated tone.

Checking the watch on his write, Inoichi said, "It's getting close to around the time Harold said that he'd take his wife out to dinner tonight. We can probably leave once they head off to whatever restaurant they have in mind."

"They're heading to this one place that Sakura told them about," Sasuke stated, and continued as he got the older ninjas' attention, "It's the same place I took Sakura to for dinner the night I proposed to her."

"Well ain't that just the sweetest thing," Tsume remarked in a mildly touched tone.

"Yeah," Inoichi agreed, "The sweetest thing." To the three hostages as a whole, Inoichi said, "Now about the three of you agreeing to help explain things to Lord Sixth so that he doesn't try to kill me and Tsume for making sure that Harold and his wife weren't interrupted today…"

* * *

The next day, Harold was enjoying a mug of coffee at the local Akimichi clan-owned diner. With him were Inoichi and Tsume (Kuromaru was sitting on the floor next to where Tsume was seated in the diner booth), also enjoying a mug of coffee each. "So as you can see, I only allowed Haru to see you because he said that he had something nice for you and your wife for your anniversary, and I figured that you two would enjoy a visit from Haru," Inoichi explained.

"I knew I could count on you two to make sure yesterday went smoothly," Harold replied as he raised his mug of coffee in a toast to his friends, "And yes, Sophia and I did enjoy Haru coming by to wish us a happy anniversary."

After taking a sip from his mug, Harold said, "Sophia did say that she ultimately enjoyed all of the uninterrupted time she had with me yesterday, but she also mentioned multiple times that she was actually expecting some folks to stop by."

"Really?" Tsume asked in a tone that sounded mildly concerned.

"She said that she was hoping that Hiashi's niece-in-law Tenten would come by to return the Tupperware that she borrowed," Harold began, "Sophia was also expecting one of the women she socializes with, or at least one of their kids, to bring by some forms detailing all of the Halloween festivities that the women of Konoha are planning on organizing. Sophia also said that our niece's husband was supposed to stop by to drop off her new inhaler, which the local pharmacy just got in."

"Wait a minute," Kuromaru said in a mildly alarmed tone, "Sasuke was supposed to drop off an _inhaler_?!"

"Yeah, so Sophia has asthma," Harold replied in a tone suggesting that he knew where this was going, "Big whoop. But that doesn't make her a nerd." Looking at Kuromaru, Harold asked with a mildly confused look on his face, "Why do you ask?"

"… _Wow_ , _the humans that I interact with on the regular basis are morons_ ," Kuromaru thought as he simply shook his head instead. To Harold, Kuromaru simply said, "Never mind."

"Well I'm just glad that the folks that Inoichi, Kuromaru and I intercepted yesterday agreed not to report us to Lord Sixth," Tsume said.

"Who did you guys intercept yesterday?" Harold asked in a curious tone.

"Meh, just some assholes who wanted to sell you and your wife some useless junk," Tsume remarked.

"Did you punch them in the face for me?" Harold asked hopefully.

"I kneed this one guy in the ribs repeatedly until he keeled over," Tsume offered.

"Ah ha!" Harold exclaimed in a good-natured tone. Raising his mug of coffee again in a toast, Harold said, "You two truly are the best friends a man could ever ask for!"

"I would say the same about you!" Inoichi replied as he raised his own coffee mug in a toast. The two men then clanked their coffee mugs together, then proceeded to drain their respective mugs dry.

END, CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Author's Notes:

(1) This is a bit of a shout out/reference/tribute to a manga/anime series that I've recently taken an interest in. I figured that the main couple of the series, given how dedicated they are to each other, deserve no less than fifty years of marital bliss.

(2) Given what he has to put up with on the regular basis, Kuromaru can't really be blamed for wishing this.

(3) The word 'Capiche' is a slang term that originates from the Italian language. Given that everyone in this series supposedly speaks/is supposed to be Japanese, and that Italy doesn't exist in the world of Naruto, you can understand why hearing this word would confuse Natsu.

So anywho, the next chapter, without giving away too much, will be about Shikamaru and his family finally catching a break. After that will be the Halloween-themed chapter, which I am hoping to have out in time for Halloween.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter nineteen: Welcome home, Nara family! (AKA The one wherein they get a Cool House)

One day in Konohagakure, around the early to middle part of October, Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru, were in the living room of a large and relatively new house, located near the Hokage office building. As no one was currently living in said house, the living room (along with every other room in the house) was empty. In the living room with the older ninjas was Shikamaru Nara and Sasuke Uchiha.

"Wow, Lord Sixth picked a good house for you and your kin, huh Shikamaru?" Harold remarked in an amazed tone as he scanned the living room.

"Plus it's located near the Hokage office building," Shikamaru pointed out, "Meaning that I have to walk much less of a distance to head to work as Naruto's advisor."

"Yeah, he set you and my daughter up with a nice home," Inoichi said, "This here living room has plenty of space for your kids to run around in."

"Heh," Shikamaru laughed in a good-natured tone, "Inohime will probably be the only one to do any running around. Shikaru is older and more mature."

"You and your family aren't going to have to end up selling this place because suddenly receiving such a large home will make your utility bills go through the roof, are you?" Tsume asked in a concerned tone. (1)

"The expenses for Shikamaru's new home are mostly covered by Konoha's government, as he is technically an employee to said government," Sasuke pointed out, "And his utility bills won't be any worse than what he's used to." Looking around the large living room, Sasuke said, "The only thing about receiving a new home like this that Shikamaru and his folks will actually have to worry about covering the cost of will be furnishing the place. You know, buying furniture and other things like that."

"Oh sweet skies above, Ino and I completely forgot that!" Shikamaru exclaimed, smacking himself in the forehead.

"…If you want, I have some options for wallpaper you can use for your kids' respective rooms," Inoichi offered his son-in-law.

"Inoichi, keep in mind that your son-in-law pointed out that Shikaru is around twelve to thirteen," Kuromaru began, "I'm pretty sure that he's a bit too old for firetruck wallpaper."

"But Inohime will still like the wallpaper that I picked out for her, right?" Inoichi asked in a mildly concerned tone.

"Given that your granddaughter is only four, I figured that the Frozen wallpaper you picked out will be met with squeals of delight," the Inuzuka ninja dog answered.

Sighing in relief, Inoichi said, "Well thank goodness I got at least one thing right."

"Well the house is covered by me technically being a government employee," Shikamaru said, "And as Sasuke pointed out, my bills won't be any worse than they were before. But aside from that, my family and I are pretty much out of luck! We lost most of our belongings in the fire, and it's not like we have the money to replace everything!"

Looking to his friends, Harold said with a mischievous smile, "Boys, you all thinking what I'm thinking?"

"We offer the firetruck wallpaper to your grandnephew?" Inoichi suggested.

"Haru's the same age as Shikaru, Mr. Yamanaka," Sasuke pointed out.

"No, that's not what I had in mind," Harold replied with a gentle shake of his head. Looking his friends in their eyes, Harold said, "Fundraiser."

"Fundraiser?" Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru repeated in a mildly confused tone.

"Fundraiser?" Shikamaru and Sasuke repeated in a mildly concerned tone.

"Fundraiser," Harold replied in a confidant tone, "Everyone outside of Shikamaru and his family will work together to raise the moolah that Shikamaru and his family needs to refurbish their new home."

"That's one of the nicest things I've ever heard anyone offer to do for me," Shikamaru remarked in a touched but mildly concerned tone, "But how exactly are you planning to do this whole fundraiser thing?"

"Shikamaru, dude, you weren't supposed to find out about the plan!" Harold exclaimed, "Now the surprise is spoiled!"

"Mr. Fisher, you literally just came up with this plan," Shikamaru pointed out, "WHILE I was present and within earshot."

"…Oh yeah," Harold replied in a mildly dumbfounded tone.

To Shikamaru, Sasuke whispered, "Now you see what I have to put up with."

* * *

The next morning, Hogato Hyuga, the seventeen-year-old son of Udon and Hanabi, got together with the two teenage girls that he's friends with. "So what's the plan again, Fumika?" Hogato asked the first of his two friends, the slim girl with blonde hair.

"We're going to livestream the three of us taking on multiple bosses in Final Fantasy Explorers," Fumika explained as she gestured to herself, Hogato and the other girl, the chubby one with red hair, "Before that, we'll set up a donation line that viewers can drop money into as they watch the livestream."

"We're also going to offer some incentives for viewers of the livestream to make donations," the chubby girl added, "Like tackling a particular boss, or doing a certain quest, or using a specific party build for a boss raid."

"After the livestream ends, we'll take what money we've collected and pool it with whatever money the other Konoha folk raising funds managed to collect so that the Naras can refurbish their new home," Fumika finished.

"…I get to stay in the Knight job, right?" Hogato asked.

"Unless one viewer specifically requests a party build that doesn't include Knights, then yes," Fumika replied.

"Wait a minute," the chubby girl said, "Hogato, didn't you say that your cousin Natsu also plays Final Fantasy Explorers?"

"Yes I did," Hogato replied, "She played as a White Mage for most of the time she's played the game, but has recently switched to Ranger once she discovered what the Stardust technique can do." (2)

"Well why don't we ask her to join us?" Fumika suggested, "That will bring the party count to the maximum of four."

"You said she switched from White Mage to Ranger, right?" the chubby girl asked Hogato, "Because I'm the group's White Mage."

"Yes, yes, Lady Natsu is currently rolling as a Ranger," Hogato replied, "There's no need to worry about her stealing your thunder as the White Mage."

"So, do you think she'd be willing to join us in our livestream?" Fumika asked.

"I'm pretty sure she would love the chance to do some multiplayer with the maximum number of people," Hogato replied, "The only time she ever gets to do multiplayer is when she and I have the time to do so."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me," the chubby girl began, "What kind of stuff did you guys do?"

* * *

Over at the Akimichi clan diner, Harold and his friends were having their morning coffee. "So what's the plan, boys?" Tsume asked her companions.

"I was thinking that since we got the supercar finished, we can use it as a means to raise money for Inoichi's daughter and her family," Harold suggested.

"How so?" Inoichi asked.

"Well I mean, come on, guys," Harold began, "It's a supercar that is a fusion of the General Lee, KITT, the DeLorean and the Batmobile. We can, you know, sell rides in the supercar. Or something."

"Hmm…" Kuromaru responded, "…It sounds like a good idea on the surface. As long as whoever drives the car doesn't try to pull any stupid stunts or anything else along those lines, then I don't see any problem with the plan."

"So it's agreed," Tsume declared as she stood up, "We'll sell rides in the supercar as our part in the fundraiser!"

"Who's going to be the driver, though?" Inoichi asked.

"Well not Tsume, obviously," Kuromaru stated, "She got her license suspended again. Hell, I'm genuinely surprised that she even managed to get her license back, much less even GET a license in the first place!"

"Oh shut up, Kuromaru," Tsume replied in an annoyed tone.

"Hey Inoichi," Harold began, "Why don't YOU be the driver?"

"Huh? Why me?" Inoichi asked.

"The supercar was built in your garage," Harold explained, "So in a way, the supercar is sort of like your baby."

"…Hey, hey yeah," Inoichi replied as the fact slowly dawned on him, "The supercar _is_ sort of like my baby!" Standing up from his seat, Inoichi said, "I'll do it!"

"Hells yeah!" Harold said in an excited manner, standing up from his own seat so that he and the other humans can do a group high five.

* * *

Over in the village of Sunagakure, Gaara, the current Kazekage, was sitting at his desk in the Kazekage office building. Gaara was currently on the phone with Naruto, who was in Konoha. "Well that certainly sounds nice of everyone," Gaara remarked over the phone, "And only your friend Shikamaru knows? …Really, now. Well that's interesting. Can I catch the livestream right now? …So that's the name of the channel? Okay, thank you."

After Gaara hung up the phone, he turned to his computer, got onto the internet, and went to the appropriate site to watch the livestream that Naruto told him about. As Gaara watched the livestream on his computer, he heard Kankuro call out, "Hey, Gaara. I'm heading out for a bit, alright?"

"Alright," Gaara replied, "Hey Kankuro, Naruto's kid and her older cousin are doing a livestream on the internet to help raise funds for-"

Gaara looked up from his computer to look at Kankuro, and as a result he stopped midsentence when he saw what Kankuro was wearing; a white robe-like gown with a rich purple mozzetta (3) over it, and a white mitre (4) with a purple trim the same shade as the mozzetta. In the center on the front of the mitre was the image of three four-sided diamond that were closely grouped together. The last thing that Gaara noticed was that Kankuro was carrying a crosier in his right hand; it was topped with a metal symbol that resembled the three diamonds on Kankuro's mitre. "…Did you lose a bet?" Gaara asked.

"What?" Kankuro replied in a confused tone. After a few seconds, Kankuro said, "Oh, you mean my outfit! No, no little brother, I didn't lose a bet. I'm heading to my weekly meeting with the rest of the guys in the fan club I started."

"And your outfit is for…" the Kazekage said, expecting to be filled in.

"Oh, as I am president of the fan club, I got this outfit custom made," Kankuro explained, "I gotta look the part of a fan club president, am I right?"

"…I have long since ceased to question anything you do," Gaara replied, "I find that having done so helps to preserve what little bit of sanity I might still have."

"Well anywho, I shall be taking my leave," Kankuro said, "Go with peace, little brother." After Kankuro left, Gaara turned his attention back to the computer screen.

"…Naruto wouldn't even believe me," Gaara said to himself as he resumed watching the livestream.

* * *

Back in Konoha, Choba Akimichi, Shibei Aburame, Bankai Inuzuka and Bankai's ninja dog Rojomaru were going door to door selling snacks. "Why couldn't we let Shikaru help us?" Bankai asked.

"Because it's his folks that everyone, including us, are raising funds for," Choba pointed out, "It'd be kind of counterintuitive to have him help us. Besides, Shikaru and his folks aren't supposed to know that anyone's doing this."

"Choba raised an excellent point," Shibei agreed with a nod.

"Hmph," Bankai replied with a huff, "So tell me. Whose idea was it to go door to door selling snacks?"

"Well none of us could have come up with a better idea to help raise funds," Choba pointed out, "So selling snacks door to door is what we're doing."

"That doesn't answer my question," Bankai replied, "Whose idea was this?!"

"My mother suggested it," Choba replied with a mildly stern look on his face.

Realizing that he was just about to insult Choba's mom and thus pissing Choba off, Bankai said, "Umm…well okay then."

* * *

Over in Naruto's office over at the Hokage office, Naruto was talking to someone on the phone. "…You're actually wrong, Gaara," Naruto said into the phone, "I've seen Kankuro in the outfit that you just described to me. So, are you watching that livestream that I told you about? …Oh, me? I'm actually watching it right now. Yeah, my daughter, her cousin and the cousin's friends are taking on some four-legged robot called Omega and holy crap one I think that my daughter's character just landed the killing blow!" (5)

As Naruto talked on the phone and watched the livestream, Sasuke and Shikamaru came walking into the office. "Hey Naruto, got a sec?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes, just give me a minute," Naruto replied to his advisors. Into the phone, Naruto said, "Sorry, that was Sasuke and Shikamaru. Yeah, I'll have to call you back." After Naruto hung up, he looked to the guys and said, "Sorry, I was just letting Gaara know about the livestream that Natsu, Hogato and two of Hogato's friends are doing. What's up?"

"Did you ever give my father-in-law and his friends the go ahead to build that supercar that they wanted to build?" Shikamaru asked.

"I specifically told them not to build it," Naruto replied instantly, "Even IF it was going to be part General Lee. …Why do you ask?"

"Not only did they went ahead and built it anyway," Shikamaru explained, "But they're using it as their part in the fundraiser via selling rides in it."

"…Why am I not surprised that those three completely ignored me?" Naruto asked rhetorically, with a surprising lack of anger in his tone.

"Now before you get too mad at them," Sasuke began, "Shikamaru and I would like to point out that they've actually managed to raise quite a hefty sum."

"…Really?" Naruto asked, looking mildly surprised.

"Out of all of the groups contributing to the fundraiser, Sakura's uncle and his friends are in the lead for most money raised," Sasuke pointed out as he pulled out a folded-up sheet of paper and unfolded it so he could read it, "At the time this list was written up, they had twenty-five percent more money raised than the second leading group."

"Which is Natsu and the teenagers, surprisingly enough," Shikamaru remarked as he leaned slightly so he could take a quick peek at the list. At Naruto's request, Sasuke handed him the list he pulled out and unfolded.

After scanning the list, Naruto remarked in a genuinely surprised tone, "…Huh. Maybe I won't tear them a new one after all, if this information is accurate."

"I think that the chance to ride in a quote unquote 'supercar' seems to be a rather alluring thing for the good folks of Konoha to try," Shikamaru said.

"Excuse me, excuse me!" a young adult voice called out. All three men turned their attention in the direction of the office doorway, which an early twenties office worker just dashed through. Handing a sheet of paper to Sasuke, the office worker said, "This is an updated copy of the list detailing how much each group participating in the fundraiser has collected so far."

Taking a look at the list, Sasuke said in an unsurprised monotone, "…Yup. That seems about right."

"What? What seems about right?" Naruto asked.

In response, Sasuke simply handed Naruto the list. After he read it, Naruto said, "…Huh. I might even let them keep that supercar of theirs, when this is all said and done."

* * *

Over at a community center in Sunagakure, a number of folks, most of which were grown men, were sitting in folding chairs arranged in such a manner that made the room they were in look like a make-shift church room. This apparent religious atmosphere was further bolstered by the fact that on the platform at the end of the room that the chairs were in, there was a pulpit.

A guy who, judging by his looks was in his early to mid-twenties, was dressed as if he was a catholic priest, got up on stage and spoke to the gathered folks. "Now presenting his holiness, Pope Elusive the Generous," the priest-like guy declared, drawing applause from the audience as Kankuro, dressed in his full regalia from earlier, got up on stage and approached the pulpit.

"Thank you, fellow children of the Lord," (6) Kankuro said to the gathered folk, "Now normally, we would first cover recent happenings in the fandom. However, a fellow member of our order is in desperate need of our aide."

After the crowd talked amongst themselves for about a minute, Kankuro continued, "The head of our order's branch in Konoha is working desperately to help raise the funds needed to allow a family that lost practically everything in a house fire to rebuild their lives. A house was provided to them by Konoha's government, and bills and the such won't be a problem. The problem for the family lies in the fact that they have no money to buy the various things they need to refurbish their new home, like furniture and maybe a fancy vase. They also need clothing, personal hygiene products, dishes and silverware, and other household items that most take for granted."

"I appeal to you, fellow children of the Lord," Kankuro proclaimed, "To join together, hand in hand, to help this Konoha family get back on their feet!" The gathered folks all began cheering; some even threw various hats into the air. Seeing this outpouring of obvious support, Kankuro could not help but smile.

* * *

Back in Konoha, Harold was waiting by a dining table that was outside and on the side of a road. Waiting with Harold was Tsume and Kuromaru. "So how are we doing?" Harold asked.

"Even taking into account the fact that we had to use some of the money we raised to buy more gas for the supercar," Kuromaru began, "We're still making a very considerable profit. I daresay that the four of us alone may have raised enough money to cover any refurbishing expenses that Inoichi's daughter's family will need to get their life back on track."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to the lot of you about that," a familiar voice called out, startling Harold and company and making them all turn around to see Naruto standing behind them. With him was Sasuke and Shikamaru.

"Uhh…" Harold began, following Naruto's line of sight and seeing that it was aimed at a sign (a bunch of large, bold black writing on a large sheet of bright yellow construction paper) taped to the table that read 'Rides in the Supercar: 1000 ryo for five minutes'. "…We can explain, Lord Sixth," Harold continued. At that moment, the supercar pulled up to the scene; coming out of it was Inoichi (from the driver's side door) and Hiashi (from the passenger side door).

"So what do you think, man?" Inoichi asked the Hyuga clan lord.

"I wasn't aware that my son-in-law permitted you and your friends to build this supercar," Hiashi remarked in a genuinely surprised tone.

"I didn't," Naruto called out, getting Inoichi and Hiashi to turn and face Naruto.

"…I can explain, Lord Sixth," Inoichi said, wide-eyed with worry.

"Why am I not surprised that you went behind his back again?" Hiashi muttered to himself as he face-palmed and shook his head in shame.

"Look, we're doing this to raise money for the fundraiser," Harold began, "We're being super careful, and no one's gotten hurt! I swear to Knuckles the Echidna!"

"It's true, Lord Sixth," Kuromaru remarked, "Tsume and her friends have been completely responsible, and have not once done anything stupid today. Hell, they've even managed to raise a considerable amount of money for the fundraiser!"

"We know about that," Sasuke replied as he got out a sheet of paper, "It says here that out of all of the groups that have been participating in the fundraiser, your group has raised the most money by far."

"It far outpaces the second leading group," Naruto remarked, "And they aren't being slouches either."

"So we…aren't in trouble?" Tsume asked hopefully.

"I am going to have to reprimand the lot of you for going behind my back," Naruto replied, drawing a disappointed 'aww' from each of the older ninjas that had a part in building the supercar. "However," Naruto continued, "Keep in mind that since the lot of you going behind my back on the mater concerning the supercar led to such a turnout for your part in the fundraiser, the reprimand will be done _just_ for the sake of formality."

Hearing this raised the hopes of Harold and his group, with Inoichi even saying, "Really, Lord Sixth?"

"I've even decided to let you three keep the supercar," Naruto continued, drawing cheers from Harold and his friends. Naruto cut the cheers off by adding, "Provided, of course, that for the rest of the day, the three of you keep up the good behavior and responsibility that Kuromaru says you've been showing so far."

"So we…" Tsume replied, "…Have an accord?"

"…Don't push it, Mrs. Inuzuka," Naruto responded as he gave the Inuzuka matriarch an unamused look. (7)

"Oh come on, I've been working on my Barbosa impersonation for weeks!" Tsume exclaimed. The Hokage sighed in a resigned tone as Sasuke could only shake his head; Shikamaru, to his credit, found that Tsume's impersonation of a fictional pirate to be funny enough to laugh at.

* * *

Late afternoon that Friday, a crowd of people were gathered outside of a large shipping truck that was parked in front of a house. Standing in the front of the crowd was Shikamaru and his family; standing nearby was Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara, Kankuro (wearing his full 'religious' outfit) Harold, Inoichi, Feather Edge, Tsume and Kuromaru. "So why is there a really big truck parked here?" Shikaru asked as he pointed at the truck.

"Why is that big bird creature thing my dad is friends with here?" Ino asked. (8)

"We can discuss that later," Naruto replied, getting the attention of Shikamaru and his family. "So look," Naruto began, "I know the lot of you lost pretty much everything a while ago when your house caught fire. Well, a few of us got together to try and remedy that."

Turning to face the cab of the moving truck, Naruto shouted, "Alright Hal, move it!" After the moving truck started up and drove down to stop blocking the view, Shikamaru's family was shocked to see the new house.

"It's big!" Inohime exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's putting things one way, little sis," Shikaru remarked.

"Th-this is just too much," Ino remarked as she started to tear up a bit.

"What, you didn't think I was going to let you all go homeless for long, did you?" Naruto asked in a mock-wounded tone, "Oh Ino, you wound me."

"And don't worry about buying things like clothes and stuff," Sasuke said to the Naras, "Some groups got together to raise the money you'll guys need to cover that."

"The real check will be presented to you guys sometime tomorrow," Naruto said, "But due to the nature of this whole thing, I was advised to allow the symbolic presentation of a comically oversized check, as the media will need something to report on."

"So what, you're going to hand us the comically oversized check?" Shikamaru asked.

"Actually, that honor goes to the group that raised the most money in the fundraiser," Naruto replied, "Which, surprisingly enough, ended up being Ino's dad and his friends."

"BOOYA!" Inoichi exclaimed as he and the others walked up and presented them with a comically oversized check, which the media members that were present at the time wasted no time in catching on tape and on camera.

As the Naras accepted the comically oversized check, Shikamaru whispered to Inoichi, "Hey Mr. Yamanaka, thanks again for the save."

"Tell Lord Sixth for me that the boys and I said thanks again for letting us keep the supercar," Inoichi whispered back.

Chuckling despite himself, Shikamaru replied, "Sure thing, Mr. Yamanaka. Sure thing."

* * *

The following evening, as the last of the new furniture got moved into place, Shikamaru said to Ino, "Boy, we certainly have come a long way from living with your parents, huh Ino?"

"I'm just glad that we no longer have to be a bother to my mom and dad," Ino remarked, "Although I bet that the kids will miss getting to have so much time with their grandparents. Inohime especially."

"Your dad DID write and publish one of her favorite books," Shikamaru remarked, "And that he likes Ponies just as much as Inohime."

"Speaking of which," Ino remarked, "Did you see the outfit Gaara's brother was wearing?"

"Yeah I did," Shikamaru remarked, "But keep in mind that no less than half of Sunagakure's total population are fans of that show."

Nodding, Ino replied, "I know that. I just wasn't aware that Gaara's brother was such a huge Rarity fan." (9)

Sitting down in a chair in the living room, Shikamaru gave a content-sounding sigh and said, "It's good to finally be home."

END, CHAPTER NINETEEN

Author's Notes:

(1) Sound familiar?

(2) It basically calls down a bunch of meteors from the sky to blow stuff all to hell.

(3) It's a cloak-like garment that mostly just covers the shoulder area.

(4) It's the tall, somewhat diamond-shaped hat thing that the pope wears.

(5) Courtesy of her Stardust technique.

(6) You know who it is.

(7) You can probably guess why a ninja wouldn't find pirate-themed humor to be funny.

(8) You didn't think that the hippogriff who took part in saving the Naras from the fire that destroyed their home would miss the ceremony where said family was given their new home, did you?

(9) Ino is the only adult character in this story who is not a fan of Ponies but can correctly identify more than four characters from it. Naruto and Gaara, on the other hand…

So this is chapter nineteen for you. Chapter twenty will be the Halloween special chapter, which I hope to have up in time for Halloween.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty: Halloween hijinks (AKA the obligatory Halloween Episode)

One autumn morning in the village of Konohagakure, Inoichi Yamanaka had accompanied his adult daughter Ino to a party store; Ino was doing some preparation for Halloween, including taking her four-year-old daughter Inohime shopping for a costume. "I'm surprised that you offered to come along with us, dad," Ino remarked as they browsed through the aisles.

"Your mother asked me to grab a few bags of candy from this place," Inoichi explained, "As handing out candy to trick-or-treaters has always been something she does. Harold's wife is the same."

"Well I'm glad to see that mom and Mrs. Fisher still have the holiday spirit," Ino said as they continued their browsing.

"Also, Harold and I have something of a Halloween tradition," Inoichi added.

"…Tradition?" Ino repeated in a confused and mildly worried tone.

"Every year, we both stay home to help our respective wives with the handing out of candy to trick-or-treaters," Inoichi began.

Sighing in relief, Ino said, "Well that was nowhere near as bad as I thought it-"

"We also take a tally of how many times we see a particular costume being worn by the trick-or-treaters," Inoichi continued, "The day after Halloween, Harold, Tsume and I all head to the local bar, and we each take shots equal to the number of trick-or-treaters dressed in the costume that has the highest overall count."

"…Of course," Ino remarked in a tone that practically said 'I should have seen that one coming'.

"Last year the winner was Elsa from Frozen," Inoichi commented, "Harold, Tsume and I each took a total of thirty-two shots."

" _Thirty-two_ shots?!" Ino exclaimed, "H-how did you not- That shouldn't even be- How did you live?!"

"I am immortal!" Inoichi proclaimed as he sounded like he was about to sing, "I have inside me blood of kings! I have no-"

"Okay, dad, I get it," Ino interrupted, "You and your friends can pull of stunts that would kill most other people. There's no need to sing about it." (1)

"Excuse me, folks," a voice from behind Inoichi and Ino, getting them to turn around to face the store clerk who was standing behind them. She was an early twenties woman, with light brown hair tied back into a ponytail save for bangs which framed her face. She had fair skin, wore an orange t-shirt (that was slightly baggy on her) under a white store clerk's apron, light blue pants, and shinobi sandals (the clerk wasn't a shinobi, however).

"Is there anything I can help you with?" the clerk asked in as friendly a manner as possible.

"Ah yes, I'm trying to find the aisle with costumes for young children like my daughter here," Ino explained to the clerk as she gestured to Inohime. Pulling out a costume guide that was printed out by the party store they were all in, Inohime showed the clerk a page that had one of the costume options circled in pen.

"Inohime want Judy Hopps costume!" Inohime said to the clerk.

"At least Zootopia got my daughter to stop attempting to sing that one song from Frozen," Ino said to the clerk.

"I think that we have one more of the Judy Hopps costumes left for girls her size," the clerk said to Ino and Inoichi, "Is there anything else I can help you folks with?"

"Yeah, where is the aisle with the candy?" Inoichi asked, "My wife asked me to pick up a bag or two so she'd have some candy to hand out on Halloween."

"That will be over in aisle one," the clerk replied.

"Alright, I'll go grab a few," Inoichi said as he went off to get the candy. Ino, in the meanwhile, took her daughter and followed the clerk to the appropriate aisle for the costume Inohime wanted.

* * *

The next day, Harold Fisher was hanging at the local bar with Inoichi, Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru. "So after Ino found the costume that Inohime wanted, I decided to get into the Halloween spirit and get myself a costume," Inoichi said to his friends after taking a swig from his mug of lager, "I'll be dressing up as Bender from Futurama."

"I got a costume myself," Tsume stated, "I'm going to be that black chick with the katana from 'The Walking Dead'."

"You mean Michonne?" Harold asked.

"…Is that what her name was?" Tsume asked in a mildly surprised tone, "I thought that her name was Rick."

"My owner, ladies and gentlemen!" Kuromaru declared, getting a chuckle out of some of the other folks in the bar at the time.

"…Well anywho, I'm also in on the dressing up for Halloween," Harold said to his friends, "I'll shall be dressing up as the greatest hero ever known to animation."

"…Duffman?" Kuromaru asked in a tone that strongly suggested that he thought he got it right on the first guess.

"Duffman," Harold repeated in a tone of confirmation.

"So Inoichi," Tsume began, "Who's going to take your grandkids trick-or-treating?"

"Shikaru is actually going to some party for kids his age," Inoichi explained, "And I don't quite know who's going to take Inohime."

"Oh, your grandson's going to that party, too?" Harold asked.

"Yeah," Inoichi answered, "Why? Is your grandnephew going as well?"

"Yeah," Harold replied in a casual tone, "He's going dressed up as Iron Man."

"Shikaru's going dressed up as Hawkeye," Inoichi stated.

"I'm not sure what Bankai plans to dress up as, but he told me that he's intending on going to that same party," Tsume said before draining off the remainder of her mug of lager.

"Say, where _is_ this party for the kids even going to take place?" Harold asked aloud.

"Oh, it's going to be hosted at the Hyuga clan's main household estate," a familiar voice said to Harold and the others, "The one sparring room is more than sufficiently large enough to host a Halloween-themed party for most of the youth in Konoha."

Harold and company all turned to see Hiashi Hyuga standing there. "Hiashi!" Harold greeted with a high five. As it was a gesture that the Hyuga clan lord didn't quite know how to respond to, Hiashi instead shook Harold's offered hand. "…That was a weak high five, dude," the fisher patriarch remarked in a mildly disappointed monotone.

"So why are you hosting the Halloween party for the kids?" Inoichi asked.

"Well the party for the kids is eventually going to lead into a party for adults," Hiashi explained, "Folks our age and the age of our grown children need a party too."

"So you're hosting TWO parties then?" Tsume remarked in a mildly amazed tone, "Wow, what I've been telling my grandson about you is wrong. You AREN'T boring!

"…And that leads into another one of the reasons why I'm throwing the parties," Hiashi continued, "Your grandson and a few of his friends called me, and I'm quoting them on this one, an 'overly strict, tyrannical, boring Drill Sergeant Nasty.' Right in front of my granddaughter, who by the way immediately tried shooting down the claims your grandson and his friends were making."

"Wait a minute," Inoichi replied, "Which kids were making that claim?"

"Aside from Tsume's grandson," Hiashi began to list off for Inoichi, "There was also your grandson Shikaru, and that Tenlee girl than my grandniece Tenji is friends with."

"Rock Lee's daughter joined the boys in mocking you?" Tsume remarked, "Woah. That's actually pretty funny."

"I'd apologize on behalf of my grandson for mocking you," Inoichi said to the Hyuga clan lord, "But I'm going to have to side with him on this one, given that you have quite the history."

"Which I am trying to make up for," Hiashi declared, "Also, after I decided to throw both parties at the Hyuga clan main household estate, I took my granddaughter out shopping for a Halloween costume for her. She's going as that blonde Viking girl from those dragon training movies."

"Oh yeah, she likes dragons," Harold remarked as he took another chug from his mug of lager.

"I also got a costume for myself," Hiashi added, "I'll be dressed as Loki from the marvel comics."

"Then be careful," Inoichi warned, "Shikaru's going to be Hawkeye and Haru's going to be Iron Man. Those are both Avengers, and you'll be a villain that the Avengers usually face."

"Now I remember!" Tsume exclaimed, "Bankai's going to be Captain America!"

"You know, I've always wondered what this 'America' place that they keep talking about in the comics is," Harold remarked in a conversational tone. (2)

"Hey Hiashi," Inoichi said, "As you'll be having a Halloween party for adults, can the boys and I come? We all got costumes for Halloween as well."

"Well I don't see why not," Hiashi replied in a friendly manner, "The party for the kids will start at seven. There will be games and special little grab bags for them. The party for adults will begin at around nine."

"I'll have to ask Sophia to keep a tally of all the kinds of costumes that she sees, then," Harold remarked, "I cannot go forgetting that most sacred of Halloween traditions."

"I wonder how many shots the lot of you will each take on November the first?" Kuromaru remarked in a snarky tone.

* * *

On the evening of Halloween, a number of Konoha youth had come to the party being thrown at the Hyuga clan main household estate, where they and their parents were greeted by Hiashi, the Norse god of mischief. Some of the parents also showed up in costume, as they were planning to stick around for the adult party that was going to start around nine.

Among the number of adults who showed up in costume were Harold, Inoichi and Tsume. "Why didn't Kuromaru want to come to the party again?" Harold asked Tsume as they and Inoichi each got a soda (alcohol couldn't be served until nine, as that when all of the minors who were present were expected to leave).

"He says he doesn't want to risk being fed a chocolate candy by some child who doesn't know better," Tsume stated, "But I think that's just an excuse because he does not like going to parties if he can help it."

"Well I'm glad that the kids that are here are enjoying themselves," Inoichi said, getting his friends to turn and see a number of kids around the age of their grandkids having fun with the various party activities.

"Hey Inoichi, glad to see you could make it!" called out a voice that made Inoichi turn around and see his fellow Ino-Shika-Cho trio members, Shikaku and Choza, both walk up (it was Choza who had called out). Shikaku was dressed in a giant hot dog costume and Choza was dressed as Homer Simpson.

"Nice costumes, bros," Inoichi complemented, giving Shikaku and Choza both a thumbs up.

"Yeah, you should see the costume theme that Choba and his friends are going for," Choza replied, "They're all dressed up as Avengers."

"Even Choba?" Harold asked.

"He's the Hulk," Choba answered with a nod in the affirmative.

"Now all they're missing is Black Widow and Thor, and they can go take on Hiashi," Tsume laughed.

"Oh yeah, he's dressed as Loki," Choza remarked.

"Hiashi said he chose his costume mostly because he thought his granddaughter would get a kick out of it," Shikaku stated.

"He's really coming around, huh?" Inoichi remarked, "I mean, think back to how he used to be when his first born was around twelve. Now flash-forward to today. Would you ever in your wildest dreams think that past Hiashi would become current Hiashi?"

"Would you ever in your wildest dreams think that Vol'jin, upon his death, would make Sylvanas the new Warchief of the Horde?" (3) Tsume retorted.

"…Touché, Tsume," Inoichi conceded, "Touché."

Over by the one table that had party snacks and a large bowl of punch, Iruka Umino (who was wearing a dolphin costume) said under his breath, "Pfft, whatever."

"So when is the party for adults going to start?" Harold asked, "I want to get right to the Pape Konoha's Brand Lager already!"

"Actually, Hiashi said that the adult drink that he got is some sort of cranberry ale from a micro-brewery over in Suna," Shikaku pointed out.

Turning to face Inoichi, Harold said, "You know what we must do."

"Exactly," Inoichi replied, giving his best friend a nod to show that they were both, indeed, thinking the exact same thing. As Shikaku was preparing to chew the two out for planning to do something stupid, a cranky, older woman's voice shouted out over the party.

"How dare you spill punch on my robes!" the old woman, dressed as a hooded witch, shrieked at a Konoha citizen child, a rather slin eight-year-old girl dressed as Elsa from Frozen.

"I'm sorry, miss!" the girl apologized.

"No way will I accept the apology!" the woman exclaimed as she levitated above the crowd of party-goers.

As she flew up, Shikaku moaned, "Oh hell. I think I can see where this is going."

"Attention to all of those here at the party!" the old woman shouted as she flew above the masses, "As punishment for the child pissing me off by spilling punch on my robe, I shall use my magical powers to turn everyone in Konoha into a real-life version of whatever they've dressed up as for Halloween!"

"Wait a second," Inoichi shouted, "You're a real witch?"

"Yes, yes I AM a real witch!" the old woman shouted.

"I wish that there weren't any tween pop stars!" Inoichi yelled.

"Witches don't grant wishes!" the witch shouted back, "You're thinking of genies!" (4)

"Ah snap!" Inoichi exclaimed angrily. Raising her hands above her head, the witch let smoky plumes of magical energy fly out from her sleeves. That magical energy went on to fly over Konoha air space, and blind everyone with a flash of light.

* * *

When the light faded and everyone could see again, the first noise that someone made was a woman screaming. And who could blame that woman? Everyone at the party who had dressed up in a costume was now a real-life version of what they dressed up as. "Dudes, check it!" Tsume exclaimed in a not-so-worried tone, "I'm a black chick!"

"And I'm Duffman!" Harold proclaimed, "Oh yeah!"

"Hey Harold, toss me a Duff, will you?" Choza asked.

"Sure thing, my man," Harold replied, taking a real can of Duff beer off of his Belt of Duff and tossing it to Choza.

"Hey, let me grab one," Inoichi said, using his robotic arm to stretch over and snag a can of Duff off of Harold's Belt of Duff.

When Tsume looked to the floor and saw a giant hot dog laying there, her first reaction was to burst out laughing. "…Oh yeah, Shikaku's a hot dog now," Harold remarked as he saw the giant hot dog.

"Nobody eat him!" Choza said, "There's a chance we can undo the witch's magic if we find her and kick her ass until she agrees to undo what she did!"

"Hey, where's Tsume?" Inoichi asked; looking around, the men saw that Tsume had suddenly disappeared. A few seconds later, Tsume walked back and joined the group.

"Sorry, there were some zombies over there," Tsume replied to the guys as she jerked a thumb over her shoulder, "Don't worry, though. I killed them."

"…In her defense, there's no way of knowing whether or not that people turned into zombies by the witch's magic can spread like the virus," Inoichi said when Choza gave the older Inuzuka woman a 'really?' look.

After he face-palmed, Choza said, "Whatever. Let's just try to stop the witch."

* * *

As Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Choza journeyed beyond the Hyuga clan grounds, they were stopped by a group of five people dressed as Power Rangers; there was a red ranger, a blue ranger, a yellow ranger, a green ranger and a pink ranger. "Stop right there, citizens," the red ranger said, "As heroes, we cannot permit you to try and stop the witch that turned everyone in Konoha into what they dressed up as for Halloween. That job falls to us and us alone."

"Shouldn't dorks like you be trying to protect the people who didn't dress up for Halloween?" Tsume asked.

"Tsume actually raises a valid point concerning scenarios like this," Choza added, "If everyone who dressed up has been turned into whatever they dressed up as, what does that mean for those who _didn't_ dress up?"

"That's…" the pink ranger of the group said, "…A very good question."

"Sorry, but we all got grandkids and a friend who dressed up as a hot dog to save," Harold replied to the Power Rangers, "Oh yeah!"

"And I repeat, we cannot allow you to proceed," the red ranger said.

"Hey, I got a quick question," Inoichi began, "Are you Power Rangers specifically, or are you the Super Sentai versions?"

"We're all Power Rangers specifically," the blue ranger replied, "Why do you ask?"

"Pfft," Harold and the others laughed as they brushed past the Power Rangers.

When the Power Rangers failed to try and stop them, Tsume said to the boys in a conversational manner, "You know, I really hate what Power Rangers did with Kyoryu Gold." (5)

"I myself am not all that fond of it either, Tsume," Choza agreed, "That move made my grandson give up on Power Rangers entirely and made him stick exclusively with Super Sentai."

"Your grandson is wise beyond his years, Choza," Harold remarked in a tone of praise, "He is wise beyond his years."

* * *

As Harold and company continued to walk, Tsume looked over to the one side of the street and said, "Excuse me, boys." Tsume ran over, made sounds like she was attacking something, then ran back over. "Sorry about that," Tsume replied, "But I saw another zombie, so I had to kill it."

"Remember Choza," Inoichi said, "There's no way of knowing if there's a potential for the virus, so we cannot afford to take any risks."

"I'll just hope that kicking the witch's ass and changing everyone back will also fix what Tsume did," Choza replied.

As the seniors continued their walk, they heard a fierce roaring overhead. Looking up, they saw Stormfly from How to train your Dragon. Seating on the dragon's back was Astrid, but she had the Byakugan.

"Hey, man dressed as Duffman," Astrid called down to the group, "Are you familiar with Haru Uchiha?"

"My grandnephew?" Harold called up, "Yeah, he's dressed as Iron Man so I wait a minute are you Haru's nerdy little girlfriend?"

"I am NOT a nerd, Mr. Fisher!" Astrid called back.

To the other seniors, Harold said as he pointed up at Astrid, "Dudes, it's Hiashi's granddaughter! Maybe she and her dragon can help us fight the wait what's Hiashi's granddaughter doing with a dragon?"

Looking up, Choza called up, "Hey Natsu, did you see the witch at the party who turned everyone into what they dressed up as for Halloween?"

"Yes, Mr. Choba's grandfather," Natsu called back down.

"Did you see what direction she flew off in?" Choba asked.

"No, sorry," Natsu replied, "Stormfly and I are more focused on getting Inohime someplace safe."

"Wait, you have my granddaughter?" Inoichi called up.

"Yeah, she's sitting in front of me on Stormfly," Natsu called down. At that moment, Judy Hopps peeked out and saw the seniors standing on the ground.

Pointing at Inoichi, Judy exclaimed in a childish tone, "Grandpa!"

"Hey Inohime, are you okay sweetie?" Inoichi asked.

"Inohime is real Judy, grandpa!" Inohime called back down.

"Okay, that's nice," Inoichi replied, "Now listen, dear. Me and my friends are going to find the person who did all of this, make them clean up their mess, and everyone will be normal again. Until then, I need you to listen to your friend and her dragon, alright?"

"Natsu onee-chan's dragon likes gummies!" Inohime said excitedly.

"Inohime, please quit feeding candy to Stormfly," said the Byakugan-wielding Viking.

After Natsu and Inohime flew off on the back of a mighty dragon, Tsume said, "Hey boys, I just had a thought just now."

"And what would that be?" Choza asked.

"The witch's magic turned everyone who dressed up for Halloween into whatever they dressed up as, correct?" Tsume began.

"That's why I'm a robot," Inoichi replied.

Continuing, Tsume said, "With that out of the way, I have two things to ask. First, who dressed up as the dragon that Hiashi's granddaughter was riding?"

"Actually, she was carrying a twelve-inch-tall plushy of that dragon at the party," Choza explained, "Hiashi told me that he bought it for his granddaughter when she mentioned that she didn't own a plushy of the dragon used by the character she dressed up as. The witch's magic must have turned the plushy into a real-life dragon."

"Now I move on to question number two," Tsume said, "Wouldn't it be a good idea to gather the help of some people who were transformed by the witch's magic?"

"What do you mean?" Harold asked.

"Think about it," Tsume began to explain, "The magic turned everyone into what they dressed up as. Hardly anyone dressed up in traditional Halloween costumes. We got a mix of various fictional characters all capable of throwing down. Hell, even that Ice Queen chick from that movie Inoichi's granddaughter likes so much is capable of some serious damage. If we get enough folks like that on our side before the final confrontation, then we'll end up giving the witch one hell of a curb-stomp!"

"That's…" Choza replied, "…Actually a really good idea."

"Hey, yeah!" Harold exclaimed, "I have no frigg'en idea why I was so worried about confronting the witch in the first place!"

"Let's gather a posse and kick the witch's ass!" Inoichi declared, getting everyone else to cheer.

* * *

The following day, Harold and his friends, plus Kuromaru who was brought along by Tsume, were standing in Naruto's office at the Hokage office building. In an interesting twist, Choza was also along with Harold and the others. They stood before Naruto's desk, at which Naruto himself was seated. He was looking at a sheet of paper, which a report was written on. After looking at the paper for about a minute or so, Naruto shifted his gaze over to the seniors. "…So, this is the report you guys wrote up about last night," Naruto began, "Where you defeated the witch who turned everyone into what they dressed up as for Halloween."

"Yes sir, Lord Sixth," Harold replied respectfully, and with a nod.

Looking at the sheet of paper again, Naruto said, "It says here that you gathered a number of people who were affected by the witch's magic to assist in taking the witch down."

"Given what some of Konoha's residents were dressed up as, we thought that it would have made things easier if we, for lack of a better way to describe it, use the witch's power against her," Inoichi explained.

"Well," Naruto replied as his gaze shifted from Inoichi back to the list, "That explains the rather…diverse posse that the four of you gathered. According to the report, aside from what the four of you were dressed up as, the witch was defeated by twelve Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, seven Transformers, five sexy nurses, four Iron Men, seven Captain Americas, three Hawkeyes, six Black Widows, three Thors, one Loki, one Nick Fury, four Supermen, twenty-one Batmen, nine Wonder Women, two Dr. Manhattans, six Sonic the Hedgehogs, two Tails, five Knuckles the Echidnas, one Amy Rose, fourteen Sticks the jungle badgers, five Shadow the hedgehogs, one Astrid Hofferson, one Stormfly, two Pikachus, five Power Rangers, seventeen Hulks and a Spider-Man."

"Given what the witch was capable of, we did not want to take any chances," Tsume explained.

"Well that makes sense," Naruto replied. Looking at the report's second part, Naruto said, "Now I would like to talk about what Mrs. Inuzuka included in the report, about her slaying multiple Konoha citizens who, due to the witch's magic, were turned into zombies."

"As they were real zombies at the time, I did not want to take the chance of the virus spreading," Tsume explained.

"You claim in the report that you killed thirty-seven people," Naruto pointed out.

"They were real zombies at the time!" Tsume insisted, "If there was even the smallest chance that it would lead to a spreading of the virus, then I wouldn't want to take any chances!"

"You specifically identified one of the zombies you've killed as Shino's mother-in-law," (6) Naruto pointed out, "You said about this, and I'm quoting from the report on this one, 'I borrowed a gun from someone who was turned into Rick Grimes and used it to shoot Shino's mother-in-law in the forehead at point-blank range, killing her instantly'." (7)

"I'm sorry but maybe Shino's mother-in-law shouldn't have dressed up as a zombie!" Tsume declared.

Sighing, Naruto replied, "…Whatever. Can you at the very least refrain from acting disrespectful when those you killed last night have to be buried?"

"I can very much do that, Lord Sixth," Tsume replied with a salute.

"Also, Shino's wife tells me that you aren't allowed to attend her mother's funeral," Naruto stated.

"That is completely understandable," Tsume agreed.

"…Alright, you're all dismissed," Naruto said, "I need to look over what events the village is planning for this month."

"Ah yes, November," Choza remarked as he rubbed his hands together, "The month of the year with my favorite holiday." (8)

After Harold and company left Naruto's office, Kuromaru said as the group walked out of the office building, "I heard about the chaos that happened last night on the news, since Tsume's daughter-in-law was over and turned the TV on for me." Shaking his head, the Inuzuka ninja dog added, "Boy, am I glad that I decided to skip Halloween this year!"

"Why? What were you planning on dressing up as?" Harold asked.

"I wasn't planning on dressing up as anything," Kuromaru replied, "Because like I said, I decided to skip Halloween this year. Although Sakaki was trying to convince me to wear a taco costume she found for dogs my size."

"Shikaku was turned into a human-sized hot dog by the witch's magic," Tsume pointed out, "That being said, maybe you skipping Halloween was for the best."

"Wait, Shikaku was turned into a hot dog?!" Kuromaru exclaimed, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, nothing bad happened to him, and he changed back when the witch was taken down," Harold replied, "But I was told that the instant he turned back, he tore his costume off, stuffed it into the nearest trash can he could find, and set the contents of said trash can on fire with a lighter, while shouting every profanity he could think of while he was doing all of that."

As the seniors and one ninja dog exited the Hokage office building, they were confronted by Shino Aburame and his son Shibei. "…My wife was crying when I had to leave this morning to report to Naruto," Shino began at Tsume, "Mrs. Inuzuka, what the hell?!"

"Your mother-in-law dressed up as a zombie," Tsume defended, "And as a result was turned into a real zombie by the witch's magic! You saw it!"

"Yeah," Shino relented, "Shibei also saw it, as he was one of the ones who helped you take down the witch."

"I was the only Spider-Man there," Shibei remarked in a tone that clearly showed that the young Aburame was upset.

"I'm just glad you didn't try to kill my wife," Shino said to Tsume.

"Why? Was she a zombie too?" Tsume asked.

"Sylvanas Windrunner, to be specific," Shino replied, "My wife's an avid player of WoW."

"Well again, I'm sorry for what had to be done," Tsume said to Shino. To Shibei, Tsume said, "You aren't going to hate Bankai because of what I did, are you?"

"With all due respect, I'm not immature like that," Shibei replied.

"Well that's good," Tsume remarked. Turning to face her friends, Tsume said, "Alright boys. Let's bounce." And with that, the group took their leave.

END, CHAPTER TWENTY

Author's Notes:

(1) It's a good song by a good band, though.

(2) America doesn't exist in the world of Naruto, remember?

(3) I don't play WoW, but I'd roll an Undead character (probably a Destruction Warlock) if I did. That being said, hooray for Sylvanas.

(4) More's the shame, really.

(5) Why go from a samurai to a knight? Samurais are awesome, dude.

(6) I was originally planning on making it Shino's wife, but I thought that it would just be too damn cruel to make Shino a widower. So as an alternative, I made it Shino's mother-in-law instead.

(7) It's probably the only way any sort of actual gun would ever exist in the world of Naruto.

(8) You have one guess what it is.

So that's chapter twenty done and over with. I have some working ideas for more chapters, including one that will be a tribute to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of Pokémon that I will try to have ready for the week that Sun and Moon come out. After that point, I will be occupied kicking Team Skull's ass and journeying through the Alola region, so releases of new chapters may become sporadic for a period.

I will pick Litten the instant I see it.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-one: Fidelity is good for a marriage (AKA it's good to be Happily Married)

One early November day in the village of Konohagakure, some of the women got together for socializing over a lovely brunch. This group consisted of Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Tenten, Mebuki, Sophia, Michelle and Sakaki (who brought Mayamaru with her). "Sakaki, dear," Michelle began, "Didn't you say that you'd invite your mother-in-law to join us for brunch?"

"I did invite her, Mrs. Yamanaka," Sakaki replied. After taking a sip from her tea cup, Sakaki added, "It's just that mama Tsume declined the invite."

"No offence, Sakaki," Sakura began, "But your mother-in-law is nothing short of eccentric."

"That would be putting it lightly, good miss," Mayamaru replied to Sakura.

"Not to mention she's a little on the mean side," Tenten stated, "She keeps calling me 'Ten-ton'. I know I'm a little on the heavy side, but that's no excuse to call me names!"

"At least those morons who hang out with Tsume regularly have the decency to refrain from doing so," Mebuki remarked.

"Those 'morons' that you speak of are me and Michelle's respective husbands, Mebuki!" Sophia stated in an offended tone, "In fact, the one I'm married to is your BROTHER!"

"And every day since you accepted his proposal, I've had to question your sanity," Mebuki remarked in a snarky manner. As Sophia and Michelle both started to get upset, Sakura wisely cut in.

"Woah there," Sakura interrupted, "Mom, I know you like calling out Uncle Harold whenever he does something stupid, but you got to realize that doing so in front of Aunt Sophia isn't very nice."

"What I would like to know is why she's so loyal of him, even with all of the shenanigans he gets into." Mebuki replied honestly.

"It's because he's never done wrong by me," Sophia replied, "Nor do I believe the idea is even capable of crossing his mind."

"It's the same reason for why I'm still perfectly happy with my marriage to Inoichi," Michelle stated, "I think that he's actually incapable of betraying my trust."

"I have to agree," Ino said as she picked up her tea cup, "If there's one redeeming quality that can be found under all of my dad's stupidity, it's that he's faithful to his marriage with mom."

"It's also why I've never seen any issue with Harold having some women as friends," Sophia added.

Nodding, Michelle said, "I agree. Inoichi and Harold see Tsume as just another one of the guys."

"Mama Tsume probably sees herself that way, too," Sakaki remarked. (1)

"You know, all this talk about dad and his friends has got me wondering," Ino said, "What are those three up to right now?"

* * *

Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka, Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru were standing in front of a bizarre-looking car that was crashed into the side of a building; the front end of said car was crushed up in a way that made it resemble an accordion. As flames crackled from various areas on the ruined car, Harold and the other humans, with tears in their eyes, saluted the car as if it was a dear comrade that they were attending the funeral of. Kuromaru, for his part, only sighed in a tone that suggested that something like this might have happened at some point or another.

"Good-bye, supercar," Harold remarked in a voice that mildly waivered, "You were the best of us."

"You helped with raising the money my daughter and her family needed to get back on their feet after the house fire," Inoichi said in a somber tone, "From fire you saved them, and by fire you are claimed."

"Technically, you guys crashing the supercar into the building is what totaled it," Kuromaru remarked, "The small fire that erupted from under the hood didn't happen until AFTER the crash."

"This is sadder than the time when Lord Sixth shut down The Four Dudes Card shop," Tsume remarked as tears rolled down the sides of her face.

"You know, I'm frankly rather surprised that Lord Sixth allowed you three to even keep the damn thing," remarked the Inuzuka ninja dog as he and the older ninjas continued to survey the damaged supercar.

"I never got to take Sophia for a joyride in it," Harold remarked sadly, "I bet that she would have gotten a kick out of it."

Nodding in agreement with Harold as he sniffled from his crying, Inoichi said, "That reminds me that I was going to take Michelle for a joyride in the supercar."

"You two were going to take your respective wives out for joyrides in the supercar?" Kuromaru asked.

"Well why wouldn't I want to take Sophia for a ride in the supercar?" Harold asked, "She means the world to me, and as such, I want to treat her as much as I can, as often as I can, and as well as I can."

"Likewise, Michelle means the world to me," Inoichi said, "And as such, I've done things only a true man is willing to do. Like go into a shopping mall on Black Friday so as to find the perfect holiday gift for Michelle."

"You risked your life for your wife?" Kuromaru asked, looking mildly shocked.

"Of course I have," Inoichi replied.

"I myself have also braved malls on Black Friday so as to get Sophia the perfect gift," Harold added.

"I saw the two of them team up one Black Friday," Tsume said to her ninja dog, "They fought a combined total of forty-seven other shoppers. I think Harold and Inoichi were responsible for six of the twenty some-odd deaths that Black Friday."

"We each got three," Harold said to Kuromaru as he gestured to himself and Inoichi.

Shaking his head, Kuromaru said, "Whatever. Now back to the subject at hand. You guys got insurance for the supercar, right?"

"…Why the hell didn't we think of that?!" Tsume exclaimed, her hands thrown into the air.

Shaking his head once again, Kuromaru said, "I'm going to take that as a resounding n-" Kuromaru was cut off when something struck him in the back of the head, knocking the Inuzuka ninja dog out cold.

"The hell?!" Tsume exclaimed, right before she herself got knocked out. Harold and Inoichi were also knocked out, before either of them could say anything. Those who knocked Harold and company out took their unconscious captives and spirited them away.

* * *

Later that day, as Sakura and the other ladies were enjoying their time together, they were surprised when Shikaru and Inohime, Ino's son and daughter, came over.

"Hey mom, Grandma Michelle, do either of you have any idea where Grandpa Inoichi is?" Shikaru asked.

"Why are you looking for him?" Ino replied.

"It's not so much me, so much as it's Inohime," the young Nara boy replied.

"Today there's new episodes of Ponies," Inohime said, "Grandpa always watches Ponies with Inohime. But Grandpa didn't visit yet."

"Strange," Michelle remarked to the other ladies that were present, "Inoichi is always punctual when it comes to spending time with the grandkids."

"Maybe he forgot that today's Saturday?" Sophia suggested.

Shaking her head softly, Michelle replied, "No, no that can't be it. If I know my husband like I know I do, then he'd never forget to catch the newest episode of a show that he likes." With a mild hint of worry in her tone, Michelle said, "Something must have happened to Inoichi."

"Just because he missed an episode of a show that he watches regularly?" Tenten asked, looking totally incredulous.

"Wait a minute," Sophia said suddenly, "If something happened to Inoichi…then maybe that same something happened to Harold!"

"Now you're just overreacting, Sophia," Mebuki said in a tone that was dismissive of the Fisher matriarch's worries. At that moment, Sakura felt her pocket vibrate, so she pulled out her cell phone.

Answering it, Sakura said, "Hey Sasuke, what's going…What do you mean Uncle Harold hasn't shown up yet to help you and my dad with the project that…" Sakura suddenly stopped short as a look of realization dawned on the Uchiha woman's face. "…Umm, Sasuke, I'm going to have to call you back," Sakura said in a mildly worried tone, "Call me if Uncle Harold does end up showing up, alright? Okay, thank you. I'll see you later. …I love you too."

After ending the call and slipping her phone back into her pocket, Sakura said to the women, "Uncle Harold had promised to help Sasuke and my dad with some woodworking, but he's yet to show up. Uncle Harold never missed an opportunity to do what he would refer to as 'man work' with Sasuke and dad."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me about what Haru told me about failing to find his granduncle," Shikaru remarked.

"Ladies, something happened to Harold and Inoichi," Sophia said, "We have to report this pronto."

* * *

In a dimly lit room in an abandoned warehouse somewhere, Harold suddenly came to. When the Fisher patriarch did, he noticed his surroundings; the first thing he noticed about wherever he was at was that on his left was Inoichi; Tsume was on Harold's right. Both Inoichi and Tsume, along with Harold himself, were sitting in armless chairs, tied down in place by rope that was around their bodies and the backs of the chairs they were seated in. Their legs were also tied down in a similar fashion to the front legs of the chairs.

Straining his neck just a tad, Harold saw that Kuromaru was laying on the ground, his front legs tied together, and his back legs tied together as well. Also, Kuromaru was muzzled. When Inoichi and Tsume came to as well, the very first thing that Tsume saw was Kuromaru. "Alright, assholes," Tsume shouted angrily into the room, "I want the asshole who put that muzzle on my dog to take it off RIGHT NOW!" (2)

"Me oh my, you're rather bold for a lady of your age," a mysterious voice called out, "Really, a real woman in the same stage in life as you shouldn't talk so harshly."

"Who the hell was that?!" Harold exclaimed in a mildly alarmed manner. Stepping out from the shadows was a Konoha shinobi, wearing the standard Konoha shinobi outfit. It wasn't the fact that a Konoha shinobi had apparently taken them hostage was shocking to Harold and company, but rather it was WHO the shinobi was.

"Katasuke from development!" Harold exclaimed, his feelings of alarm disappearing and being replaced with feelings of suspicion.

"Indeed," Katasuke replied calmly with a slight bow of his head, "And how are the three of you doing?"

"I'm wondering what the hell you're planning that involved taking the boys and I hostage," Harold remarked in a suspicious tone.

"Yeah, I wanna know what's going on as well," Inoichi agreed.

"Same here," Tsume added, "But the first and foremost thing I want right the frig now is for that blasted muzzle on Kuromaru to be removed!"

"As my men and I are worried that the dog may try to bite us, the muzzle will stay," Katasuke remarked.

"The muzzle…" Tsume began in an eerily monotone voice, "…will _stay_?!"

"So what do you and your fellow boys in development want with the boys and I?" Harold asked.

"Oh no, you got it wrong," Katasuke replied calmly, "I'm not working with the usual boys from development on this one. My allies in this are…men who were rejected from development."

"Okay, but that doesn't answer Harold's question," Inoichi said, "The hell do you want with us?"

"It has come to my attention that you lot are the ones who took the first prototype for the Kote and turned it into that blasted thing you used to pretend to be Spider-Man," Katasuke began.

"Oh yeah, now I remember," Harold said, "After Lord Sixth confiscated it, he told us that the boys in development were working on recreating the web-shooter into a stand-alone invention while they were busy trying to restore the whatever you called it to its original state."

"Ah yes," Katasuke remarked, "Lord Sixth. A great leader, really. One of the finest Hokages that Konoha has ever had, if not THE greatest." After a few seconds of silence, Katasuke added, "Or rather, he WOULD be if he didn't constantly impede the progress I'm trying to make!"

"Dude, the unaltered web-shooter scares the snot out of Lord Sixth's daughter," Harold stated in a mildly offended tone, "Not to mention my grandnephew."

"He expressly forbade the use of the Kote in the recent chunnin exams!" Katasuke exclaimed suddenly as he threw his arms into the air, "All because he thinks technological advancements 'defeat the purpose of the exams', or some other total load like that!" Looking mildly startled after his mini explosion, Katasuke visibly calmed himself. "Apologies," said the jonin scientist to his hostages, "I normally never lose my cool like that."

"So what the hell do you want with us?" Harold asked.

"You see, the web-shooter idea that the three of you came up with is actually rather genius, if I'm to be honest," Katasuke began, "However, the boys in development have reached something of a snag."

"A snag?" Inoichi repeated in a mildly confused tone.

"No one has any idea on how to properly concoct the fluid that goes into the web-shooter," Katasuke explained, "You know, the fluid that turns into webbing when shot out."

"And you want us to tell you how we made it ourselves?" Harold asked suspiciously.

"I will be credited with the invention of the webbing fluid, thus earning myself the recognition in the scientific community that has eluded me for so long!" Katasuke proclaimed. Calming down slightly, Katasuke said, "And you three will tell me how to make it."

"I'll never tell you!" Inoichi shouted, "I'd sooner die than talk to an obvious madman on how to make a breakthrough in the making of a web-shooter!"

"You'll likewise find that I am also impossible to talk to while an evil scientist has me held as a hostage," Harold warned Katasuke. Giving a slight 'Hmph', Katasuke said, "No matter. I will get the three of you to talk in time. In fact, I think I'll go and gather some help for this."

After Katasuke left Harold and company alone in the dimly lit room, Tsume said, "The muzzle…will STAY?!" (3)

* * *

Later at the Hokage office building, Sophia and Michelle led the women they were having brunch up the floors until they reached the top floor, where Naruto's office was located. The women busted the door open, with Sophia and Michelle saying in unison, "Lord Sixth, we need to talk to you!"

Looking at all of the women that suddenly barged into his office, Naruto said, "Umm…what can I help you with?"

"We have reason to believe that Harold and Inoichi are in serious trouble!" Sophia stated.

"Uhh, Mrs. Fisher, Mrs. Yamanaka," Naruto began, "No offence, but aren't your respective husbands usually in some sort of trouble?"

"No Naruto," Sakura said, "It's not THAT sort of trouble."

Getting up from his desk, Naruto replied, "Then what, pray tell, caused all of this worry?"

"Inoichi and Harold BOTH missed things that they would never miss," Michelle said, "Inoichi missed watching the newest episode of Inohime's favorite show with her, and Harold missed doing woodwork with Sasuke and Kizashi."

"They wouldn't pass those activities up, even to hang out with each other," Sophia confirmed.

"Yeah, you two got a point there," Naruto remarked as he gave what he was told some thought, "Mr. Fisher and Mr. Yamanaka both being such dedicated family men is something about them that I'd like to emulate." Looking the women directly in their faces, Naruto said, "Alright. I'll organize some search parties for-" Naruto was cut off when there was a ringing sound coming in out of nowhere.

Recognizing the ringing, Sakaki pulled a cell phone from her pocket. "Hello, Kiba?" Sakaki replied, "What do you…oh. I'm actually at Naruto's office right now with the women I told you I'd be having brunch with. I'll let him know right away." After ending the call and slipping her cell phone back into her pocket, Sakaki said to Naruto, "You may also want to add mama Tsume and Kuromaru to the list of missing persons as well."

"Wait a minute," Mebuki said, "My brother and his idiot brigade are all missing?"

"Who would want to kidnap all of them?" Ino said rhetorically, "Furthermore, what could be happening to them right now?"

* * *

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Harold exclaimed angrily at Katasuke; Harold, as well as Inoichi and Tsume, watched helplessly as Katasuke poured the contents of a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager onto the floor of the dimly lit room they were in. The three seniors grunted as they struggled with their bindings, vainly trying to get free so as to save what little of that most glorious golden liquid was left. After Katasuke finished pouring the contents of the can he held on the floor, he tossed the can itself onto the floor.

As Harold and company panted with exhaustion, Katasuke said, "Wow. I am both impressed and slightly disturbed with how much emotional pain you three suffered by watching me pour a can of beer all over the floor."

"YOU SACRIGLGIOUS BASTARD!" Harold angrily exclaimed at Katasuke as tears streamed down the Fisher patriarch's face, "HOW COULD YOU DEFILE SO SACRED A DRINK?!"

"If you thought that we'd talk to you now, then you're obviously fooling yourself," Tsume spat bitterly at the scientist.

"I see that angering you lot is not the way to go," Katasuke remarked casually, "…Aha! I know! I shall appeal to the core of manhood that is in Fisher and Yamanaka!"

"Appeal?" Harold repeated in a mildly confused tone, "The hell are you on about?" In response, Katasuke clapped his hands twice; about a moment later, two physically attractive women of ill repute came walking into the dimly lit room.

"Perhaps Fisher and Yamanaka would be willing to talk to these lovely ladies about how to make the webbing fluid?" Katasuke suggested.

"…No, not really," Inoichi replied.

"Yeah, I'm not seeing where you're trying to go with this," Harold admitted with a shake of his head.

With a snap of his fingers, Katasuke said, "Ladies?" At this prompting, the women of ill repute approached Harold and Inoichi, causing both men to go wide-eyed with worry.

"The hell is going on here?" Harold asked apprehensively, "Whatever it is, I don't think that OHNONONO!" Harold started freaking out when the woman of ill repute that approached him sat on his lap and started tracing her fingertips down his chest. The women of ill repute that had approached Inoichi proceeded to sit in Inoichi's lap and trace her fingertips down his chest.

"BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!" Harold exclaimed hysterically as he shook his head vigorously.

"I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!" Inoichi exclaimed as he behaved in a likewise manner similar to how Harold's acting.

"YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!" Tsume shouted at Katasuke, "HOW DARE YOU HAVE THESE PROSTITUTES THROW THEMSELVES ONTO MY FRIENDS!"

Katasuke looked on at the display with a mildly confused look on his face. "…Do these men not like having women throw themselves at them?" Katasuke remarked to himself as the two older men both continued to struggle against the women of ill repute.

"GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF OF ME!" Inoichi shouted helplessly as the woman of ill repute did as she was instructed to by her boss.

"RAPE! RAPE!" Harold exclaimed as tears started rolling down the sides of his face again. But they weren't tears of anger over seeing beer being spilled.

* * *

Naruto was leading a search party consisting of Neji, Rock Lee and Shino. As they hopped from rooftop to rooftop, they were met up by a search party consisting of Sasuke, Shikamaru, Choji, and Kiba; as what one can expect, Kiba had Akamaru with him. "Any sign of Mr. Fisher and his friends yet?" Naruto asked.

"None at all," Sasuke replied, "And that's what worries me. As much as Sakura's idiot uncle likes doing stupid stuff with Ino's dad and Kiba's mom, they would never have been gone for this long."

"Ma always lets me, Bankai, Akamaru or Rojomaru know if she's going to be up to something," Kiba stated. (4)

"Naruto," Neji said, "Did the women who came to you mention anything that might help?"

Shaking his head in the negative, Naruto said, "Nothing that could be considered substantial, no."

"Lord Sixth!" a female voice called out. Naruto and company all turned to face a female Konoha chunnin, accompanied by two more Konoha chunnin, another female and one male.

"What is it?" Naruto asked.

"Hanabi and the team she was leading were walking by a warehouse along the edge of Konoha's residential district when Hanabi heard something that she wanted to bring to your attention," the male chunnin said, "Something about hearing what sounded like two older men shouting that they were being raped."

"Oh yeah," Naruto replied, "I had Hanabi lead a team composed of Natsu, Tenji and Hogato to assist with the search effort." To the male chunnin, Naruto continued, "Did Hanabi or any of the others say anything else?"

"Hanabi thinks that she recognized the voices as those that belong to Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka," the male chunnin continued, "She and her team are waiting for back up before charging into the warehouse."

"Now wait a minute here…" Sasuke said in a mildly confused tone, "…Did you just say that Mr. Fisher and Mr. Yamanaka were screaming that they were being _raped_?!"

* * *

Back in the dimly lit room at the warehouse, Harold and Inoichi, due to the unwelcomed contact with the women of ill repute, had been reduced to sobbing wrecks. "…Wow," Katasuke said as he looked at the two older men, "Never before in my life have I've borne witness to men reacting in such a manner to prostitutes."

"You better hope like you get a damn good lawyer," Tsume snarled angrily at Katasuke, "Because after I'm done suing you for muzzling Kuromaru, the boys here will we suing you for getting them raped!"

"No sexual activity of any kind took place," Katasuke pointed out, "All that the prostitutes did was sit on their laps and trace their fingertips down their chests."

"I feel so dirty" Harold sobbed as his shoulders shook, "Now I know what it feels like to be violated."

"Wow, this is so-" Katasuke remarked, but before he could finish, the door leading into the dimly lit room was busted down; immediately after that, Naruto, Sasuke, Neji and Rock Lee all ran into the room, with about twenty-four or so other Konoha ninja of varying ranks, mostly jonin, running in after them.

"What the-" Naruto exclaimed in confusion as he saw what was going on. Looking right to Katasuke, Naruto snapped, "You! This is all your doing, isn't it?!"

"Lord Sixth, save me!" Harold begged.

"This man made a woman of ill repute bad touch me!" Inoichi shouted.

"Get that muzzle off of Kuromaru, please!" Tsume exclaimed. Growling angrily that he had been foiled, Katasuke pulled a kunai out and ran at the first ninja who busted him that he laid eyes on, who just so happened to have been Hanabi. Before he even got close, however, Katasuke felt a powerful blow strike him in his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Looking his assailant in the face, Katasuke was shocked to see Naruto.

"Yeah, I take issue with people trying to attack my sister-in-law," Naruto explained in an eerily calm tone before jerking his arm back, causing Katasuke to collapse to the ground, as Naruto's fist in his stomach was the only thing keeping him on his feet.

* * *

As Konoha police cruisers plus a few ambulances surrounded the warehouse, Naruto had some Konoha shinobi take Katasuke, who was passed out and strapped down to a stretcher, over to one of the ambulances. Meanwhile, Harold and his friends were sitting on the tailgate of some cop cars; Harold and Inoichi each had a blanket covering their respective backs and shoulders as they both drank from mugs of hot chocolate that was provided for them. It was at this point that the group of women that had brunch together came onto the scene. When they saw their respective husbands in such a condition, Sophia and Michelle immediately ran over.

"Harold!" Sophia exclaimed as tears started rolling down her face, "What happened to you?"

"That Katasuke guy took the boys and I hostage," Harold began as he seemed like he was about to cry, "Then, he brought in two prostitutes, and he made one of them bad touch me."

"He made the other one bad touch me at the same time," Inoichi admitted with tear-filled eyes, "I had never been so scared in my life."

"We were violated!" Harold exclaimed as he started to cry.

"You were violated?" Sakura asked as she stepped forward to give Harold and Inoichi an examination; Sakura IS a medic expert.

"All that the prostitutes did was sit on Harold's and Inoichi's laps as they traced their fingertips down the guys' chests," Kuromaru explained, "Katasuke took us hostage in an attempt to get Tsume and her friends to spill how they made the webbing fluid for their web-shooter from a while ago."

"And you two cried that you were being _raped_?!" Mebuki snapped.

"I didn't like how that woman was touching me," Harold sobbed as his shoulders bobbed up and down. As Mebuki face-palmed at her brother's apparent stupidity, Sakura stepped back, having finished her examination of Harold and Inoichi.

"Well I don't see any signs of physical trauma," Sakura said, "Although given how much both Uncle Harold and Mr. Yamanaka appeared to have been crying, I think that having them get something to drink might be a god idea. You know, to get rehydrated."

"Well dear, when can I get Harold home?" Sophia asked, "He obviously needs to recuperate."

"Naruto and his men will probably want to ask some questions," Sakura remarked, "But after that, I think taking him home right away is the best idea."

After Sakura finished her explanation, Sophia gently wrapped her arms around Harold and gave him a soft hug. Michele likewise did the same thing with Inoichi. The two men began to relax and calm down, feeling at ease at last in the loving embrace of their respective wives. "Mmm," Harold hummed contently, "Good touch."

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Author's Notes:

(1) If the fact that she casually buys mature-rated zombie horror survival video games for her grandson and his friends is any indication.

(2) Seeing a muzzle on Kuromaru WILL tick Tsume off.

(3) Seriously. Don't muzzle Kuromaru while Tsume is nearby.

(4) Again, proof of poor Inuzuka/Nekozuka relations.

One of the very few things in fictional literature that I feel very strongly about is double standards against men. Just because a man is sexually harassed, or refuses a woman's advances, or anything _else_ along those lines, DOES NOT MEAN that the man in question is 'less of a man', or whatever the hell anyone would call it in that situation. Hearing about double standards being used against men in such a manner is part of what inspired this chaper.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-two: A grandpa tells his grandson a story about the past (AKA not every grandpa has to be a Badass Grandpa in order to be a good grandpa)

One November morning in the village of Konohagakure, Tenten was waiting outside in a practice area where young genin would go to practice their aim with throwing weapons. Tenten wasn't here for anything like that, though; at the insistence of her friend Sakura Uchiha, Tenten was attempting to lose some weight by going on a diet and exercise regimen. She was here in the park waiting for her quote unquote 'workout buddies' to show up.

At least Tenten was dressed for the occasion. She wore a black workout tank top and matching shorts (both with yellow trim), white tennis shoes and socks, and a pink sweatband over where her Konoha headband would normally be. "I can't believe I'm starting a diet," Tenten muttered to herself, "And so close to Thanksgiving, too! That's got to be one of the worst, if not THE, worst days to start going on a diet before!"

"Oi, Ten-ton! Over here!" called out the familiar voice of Tsume Inuzuka; much to her irritation, Tenten's quote unquote 'workout buddies' are Tsume Inuzuka, Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka.

Turning to look in the direction she heard Tsume call from, Tenten shouted, "Can you please quit calling me Oh my God what the hell are you all wearing?!" To Tenten's shock, Tsume, Harold and Inoichi were all wearing hula skirts, red tropical flower headbands, and red tropical flower wristbands. Tsume also wore a coconut bra. The only person in the group who wasn't dressed up was Kuromaru, Tsume's ninja dog; as Tenten had expected, Tsume brought Kuromaru along.

"Alright, Ten-ton," Tsume began, "The boys and I are here to help you lose some weight!"

"What the hell are you all wearing?!" Tenten exclaimed.

"Oh, Inoichi came up with a good idea," Harold replied.

"Yeah," Inoichi said, "People know that dancing is not only an effecting way to lose weight, but also a fun one as well!"

"So we're going to be hula dancing," Tsume explained to the panicking weapon-master.

"WHY HULA?!" Tenten yelled.

"To appease the volcano," Harold replied in a casual manner, as if what he had just said was the most obvious thing in the world.

"…Volcano?" Tenten repeated in a confused tone.

"Trust me, Tenten," Kuromaru said in a sympathetic tone, "I'm as lost as you are."

"In order to keep the volcano from erupting, we must hula dance to appease it," Inoichi clarified.

"The volcano that's closest to Konoha is located all the way in the Land of Wind!" Tenten snapped. (1)

"Which is why my pal Kankuro started Sunagakure's first Hula school," Inoichi pointed out as he tossed a bag to Tenten. Opening it, Tenten found a hula dancing outfit identical to the one Tsume wore, save for the fact that the outfit in the bag was sized to fit Tenten.

Clapping her hands together, Tsume said, "Well alright, Ten-ton. Get dressed so that we can get dancing!"

" _Please_ , _God_ ," Tenten thought, " _Please just kill me now_."

* * *

He knew that what he was doing was risky. He knew that if his family knew what he was doing right now, he'd never hear the end of it. After all of the stories he heard from his father, his aunt (the older sister of his father), and especially his grandmother, he knew that any other kid in his position would be a good kid and do as they were told. But he had to do this. He had to know. He had to hear everything from ALL sides.

He had to visit his grandfather.

Standing outside of the front door of an apartment located on the second floor of an apartment building somewhere in Konoha, Bankai Inuzuka looked up at the eyehole. Looking down to his right, Bankai saw that Rojomaru, his loyal ninja dog, was looking up at him. The ninja dog gave a nervous whimper. "Don't worry, Rojomaru," Bankai said in a comforting tone to his ninja dog, "He shouldn't be too upset." Reaching down somewhat, Bankai ruffled the top of Rojomaru's head. Getting back up, Bankai looked to the front door and gulped nervously. The Inuzuka genin had never even seen his grandfather; would the man even know that he had a grandson?

Gathering up some courage, Bankai raised his fist to the door and knocked just hard enough for it to be heard. After a few seconds, the door was answered by an older man who looked like Kiba if Kiba were in his early sixties; the five-o-clock shadow that the older man had, which somehow seemed permanent, didn't help with making him look younger. Looking down at Bankai and Rojomaru, the older man said, "Don't go thinking that you can get away with telling me that you have a pet that got into my backyard. This is a second floor apartment."

"No, no that's not why I'm here," Bankai quickly said. Gulping somewhat, Bankai said, "Are you Banyo Inuzuka?"

"Huh?" the older man replied, momentarily caught off guard by Bankai's question. After a slight shake of his head to clear his mind, the older man said, "Yeah, I'm Banyo Inuzuka. Care to tell me who you are?"

"My name is Bankai Inuzuka," Bankai stated as he introduced himself. Gesturing to Rojomaru, Bankai continued, "And this is Rojomaru."

"Woof!" barked the Inuzuka ninja dog.

"Huh, so you're from my ex's clan, aren't you?" Banyo replied, "Let me guess why you're here. The Inuzuka clan's planning a big get-together for Thanksgiving, you discovered that I was part of the clan for a while, and you thought it would be nice to invite me? That's a nice thought, kid, but if I got anywhere close to the Inuzuka clan compound, my ex would attack me on sight. Thanks, but I'd rather not get assaulted by a crazed woman who has a vendetta against everything feline."

"Actually, I just wanted to get to know you, sir," Bankai replied innocently, "Maybe you can tell me stories about my dad Kiba back when he was my age or younger." For a few seconds, Banyo just stood there in the open doorway of his apartment, looking down at Bankai. After about half a minute passed, the older man threw his head back in laughter. This behavior confused, and mildly worried, Bankai and Rojomaru at first. But since they could both tell that there was no malice in the laughter, the two Inuzuka members relaxed somewhat.

"Figures that Tsume would do this," Banyo remarked aloud, "Figures that that crazed woman wouldn't even have the decency to tell me that I have a grandson." Looking down at Bankai, Banyo stepped aside and gestured for the young Inuzuka genin to enter. "What did you say your name was again?" Banyo asked as Bankai and Rojomaru entered the apartment.

"I'm Bankai, and my ninja dog is Rojomaru," Bankai replied.

"Your dog gets along with cats, right?" Banyo asked as he, Bankai and Rojomaru walked into the living room. Bankai saw why his grandfather would ask that; two adult house cats, one solid black and one solid white, both sat in an arm chair that was placed opposite of a two-seater couch.

"Of course Rojomaru gets along with cats," Bankai replied, "He kind of has to, given that my mom is a Nekozuka clan ninja."

Hearing that last part made Banyo laugh out loud again. "Hoo boy, I bet that put a thorn in Tsume's ass," Banyo remarked as he wiped a tear from his eye, "Kiba marrying a woman from the Nekozuka clan. Way to go, Kiba! That's my boy!"

Bankai then watched as Rojomaru walked up to the armchair and greeted the two house cats. The two cats both inched their heads closer to Rojomaru, sniffed at him, then after a few seconds they both started nuzzling against Rojomaru, who proceeded to lick the cats affectionately. "I see that Luna and Artemis get along with the dog," Banyo said as he sat down on one of the empty spots on the two-seater sofa, "But then again, they get along swimmingly with Kuromaru." Looking to his grandson, Banyo said, "So you said that you wanted to hear me go on about your dad's childhood?"

"Yes I did," Bankai replied as he took the seat next to Banyo, "Or anything from back when you and Grandma Tsume were still together. All I know from what happened before I was born was what grandma Tsume told me, and a few small bits I got from aunt Hana. I want to hear what _you_ have to say."

Smiling, Banyo chuckled in a good-natured tone as he patted Bankai on the back. "Well alright then," Banyo replied, "I guess that since this is the first time I get to spend any time with my grandson, I figure that the least I can do is oblige his request for a story. So buckle in, Bankai, because this story about the past is a doozy."

* * *

(THIRTY SOMEODD YEARS AGO, KONOHAGAKURE)

(INUZUKA CLAN COMPOUND)

"Banyo, dear, with all due respect, I have to ask this," Tsume began as she (with Kuromaru at her side) and Banyo stood in the living room of their home. Gesturing to a cat that sat on the back of the sofa in the living room (the cat was currently looking at the couple), Tsume snapped angrily, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?!"

"That's a cat, Tsume," Banyo replied as calmly as he could manage, which wasn't all that much as this was yet another shouting match between the two of them.

"What the hell is it doing here?" Tsume asked, looking at her husband with a look that seemed to be accusing Banyo of committing the most offensive of crimes.

"Hey, you knew full well that I'm a cat person when we got into this marriage," Banyo replied, "Besides which, Thompson there has never harmed anyone."

"Uhh, Tsume, I think your husband has a point," Kuromaru spoke up, "There really isn't anything wrong with cats."

"There is EVERYTHING wrong with cats!" Tsume insisted to her ninja dog, "They're the reason why the third great ninja war started!" (2)

"Mom, dad, are you fighting again?" asked a young Hana, who walked out into the living room.

Looking mildly worried, Banyo said, "Oh no, sweetie, we aren't fighting."

"We most certainly ARE fighting!" Tsume snapped at Banyo, "We're fighting because you brought a creature spawned on the fifth level of hell into this household!" As Hana started to cry, Tsume gestured to her while saying to Banyo, "Now look what you did! You made our daughter cry, you son of a bitch!"

"Hey, I wasn't the one who flat out said that we're fighting!" Banyo snapped back.

* * *

A few days later, Banyo was in the living room, sitting on the sofa as he watched something on TV. Thompson the cat was nuzzling against Banyo's chest, purring affectionately as he did so. As Banyo watched TV, a young Kiba walked into the living room, followed by Naruto, Choji and Shikamaru, all of which were around Kiba's age. "Hey dad, my friends and I were going to go play in the backyard," Kiba said.

"Well okay son," Banyo replied kindly, "Just be sure to-"

Stopping short upon seeing Naruto, Banyo looked to Kiba and said, "Hey son, that blonde boy isn't related to your mother's dumbass friend from the Yamanaka clan, is he?"

"No, Naruto isn't from the Yamanaka clan," Kiba replied, "In fact, I don't think that Mr. Yamanaka even _has_ a son."

"Although Mr. Yamanaka DOES have a very annoying daughter who, like most other girls, has a crush on Sasuke Uchiha," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure," Banyo said to the boys, "Now you kids go have fun."

After the boys all went into the backyard, Banyo resumed watching TV. Walking into the living room was Hana, accompanied by Kuromaru. "Dad, mom got arrested for getting into a bar fight again," Hana said.

Sighing in a tone suggesting that this news didn't surprise him, Banyo replied, "Who did she assault this time?"

"Tsume, after drinking at least half a dozen mugs of lager according to Harold and Inoichi, knocked Fugaku Uchiha out cold with a punch to his face," said Kuromaru, "While Fugaku was trying to enjoy some drinks with Mikoto."

"...Tsume knocked out the leader of the Uchiha clan?!" Banyo asked, totally shocked.

"You need to bail mom out again," Hana said to Banyo.

Sighing, the Inuzuka patriarch said as he got up from the sofa, "Lord Third does still owe me a couple of favors from all of the times I treated his wife's cat. I guess I'll call upon one of those favors to get your mother out of jail."

* * *

A few days later, Banyo and Tsume, with Kuromaru walking alongside them, were heading to pick up Kiba from early ninja school. (3) "…At least your idiot friends weren't involved in the fight where you punched Fugaku Uchiha out cold," Banyo said to his wife in a mildly disgusted tone.

"Harold and Inoichi were caught up in watching the game that was on the TV," Tsume replied.

"Tsume, you do realize that Fugaku is the leader of the Uchiha clan," Kuromaru pointed out, "You know, one of the four noble clans of Konoha."

"Kuromaru raises an excellent point, dear," Banyo replied, "What the hell was going through your head, punching out the leader of one of Konoha's four noble clans?"

"I was drunk," Tsume pointed out.

"So lager, then," Banyo replied, "Lager was going through your head." At this point, Banyo and Tsume had reached the early ninja school; they could see the large, fenced in playground where Kiba and the other kids his age were playing.

"Hey Sasuke!" Banyo and Tsume could hear Kiba shouting, "My mom can beat up your dad!"

"Shut up, Kiba!" a young female voice shouted back, "Your mom is one of the few people in Konoha who's dumber than Naruto!"

"Shut up, Ino!" a young male voice other than Kiba's shouted.

"Don't tell Ino to shut up, Naruto!" a second young female voice shouted.

"Sakura, you aren't really being all that nice," a third young female voice shouted timidly (and not all that loudly).

"Hey, don't you tell Sakura off, you nerd!" the first young female voice shouted.

"She's not a nerd, you jerk!" the second young male voice snapped loudly. After a brief pause without shouting on the playground, the second young male voice yelled in pain.

"Oi, why the hell did you throw that thermos at Naruto's head, Ino?!" a third young male voice shouted; Banyo recognized that voice as belonging to Choji Akimichi.

As the shouting of all of the kids on the playground started to meld together, Banyo and Tsume got close enough to see that at least twenty or so kids were fighting each other. When Kuromaru saw this, he exclaimed, "My God! Tsume, Banyo, you gotta do something!"

"Hell yeah I'm going to do something," Tsume said as she cracked her knuckles, "I'm going to go find the little bitch who called me dumb and kick her ass!"

"No you are not," Banyo stated as he put a hand on Tsume's shoulder before she could head to the playground.

* * *

Later that evening, Banyo, Tsume and the rest of their family was home eating dinner. "…And so that's when Shikamaru and I ganged up on Sasuke, pushed him to the ground and made him eat dirt," Kiba said.

"Atta boy, Kiba!" Tsume proclaimed as she gave Kiba a thumbs up.

"I'm going to have a talk with Fugaku and Mikoto, aren't I?" Banyo said as he face-palmed.

Turning to look at her little brother, Hana said in a shocked tone, "You seriously pushed another kid to the ground and made him eat dirt?"

"Hey, the whole fight involved over twenty kids, myself included," Kiba defended, "So why can't Shikamaru, Choji, Naruto and I have a little fun?"

"He really is our son, ain't he Banyo?" Tsume said to her husband.

"Didn't Kiba's fat friend shoulder ram Harold's niece?" Banyo asked.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see how Harold kicks Choza's ass over that," Tsume remarked with a slight snicker.

"Hey, Sakura threw a lunchbox at Naruto's head, and he already took a thermos to the head from Ino," Kiba defended, "Are you going to expect Choji to stand by while Naruto and the rest of us are assaulted by lunch ware?"

"Son, that isn't the point," Banyo said, "Anywho, you should probably write an apology letter to that boy who you and your friend forced to eat dirt."

"Like hell Kiba's going to apologize to that little turd Sasuke!" Tsume snapped, "He started it!"

"Technically, Kiba started it, if the shouting we heard as we approached early ninja school were any indication," Kuromaru pointed out.

"Hey, Sasuke had it coming because his dad sucks," Kiba replied, "Ask mom. She can back me up on this."

"Hell yeah Fugaku sucks!" Tsume exclaimed, high-fiving her young son. All that Banyo could do was sigh.

* * *

The following day, Banyo, Tsume and Kuromaru were walking back from a meeting between all of the parents concerning the mass fight that occurred on the playground. "Why did you tell Inoichi that it was Sasuke who pushed Ino even though it was that Shino boy who did it?" Banyo asked.

"Because I like to screw with the Uchiha clan," Tsume replied with a smirk.

"That's true," Kuromaru said to Banyo, "Tsume does like to screw with the Uchiha."

"Whatever," Banyo replied, "So what did you say you want to do with Kiba again?"

"As Kiba has been born into the greatness that is the Inuzuka clan, he will one day receive his ninja dog partner," Tsume explained. With a hint of pride in her tone, Tsume continued, "And today, my dear husband, is that day."

"Hopefully Tsume doesn't try to have Kiba's dog use Thompson as a 'sparring partner'," Kuromaru remarked.

"I agree," Banyo replied.

Later, when the couple entered their home, they called Kiba out, who was in his room. "Yes, mom and dad?" Kiba replied when he arrived.

"Now Kiba, as an Inuzuka, you will one day receive your ninja dog partner," Tsume began. What Kiba said next surprised both of his parents, not to mention set a degree of horror into Tsume's heart.

"Can I get a ninja cat partner instead?" Kiba asked innocently.

"Umm…excuse me?" Tsume replied, her left eye twitching.

"Dad's pretty good with taking care of cats," Kiba explained, "I mean, he did help with taking care of Lord Third's wife's cat all of those times. And I did hear that some ninja use ninja cats rather than ninja dogs. So I was wondering, so that I could take more after dad, if I could get a ninja cat partner rather than a ninja dog partner."

Slowly, Tsume turned her head so that she could face Banyo. With an angry glare that could slay the Kyubi, Tsume said to Banyo, "How DARE you."

"What the hell did I do this time?!" Banyo snapped.

"You corrupted our son," Tsume snapped as she slapped Banyo across the face, "That's what you did, you son of a bitch!"

"The hell was that for?!" Banyo shouted angrily. As Banyo and Tsume proceeded to get into a shouting match with each other, Kiba backed away, a fearful look on his face.

Having heard shouting, Hana came out from her bedroom, looked to Kiba and, after noticing the look on his face, said, "What are mom and dad going on about this time, Kiba?!"

"Mom thinks that dad's trying to corrupt me!" Kiba replied as tears started to well up in his eyes.

As the Inuzuka siblings talked, Kuromaru came up to them, got their attention and said, "The dog door in the laundry room that leads into the backyard. Use it to get out of the house until your parents are done with their-"

"Ow! What the hell did you punch me for, Tsume?!" Banyo shouted, cutting Kuromaru off.

"Go now!" Kuromaru whispered harshly to Kiba and Hana. Nodding to Kuromaru, the Inuzuka siblings proceeded to run to the laundry room in order to escape from the house.

* * *

(FLASHBACK OVER)

"…Four days later, your grandmother and I got divorced," Banyo said to Bankai as he wrapped up his story, "And we've been separated ever since. The end."

"…Wow, so that's how it happened, huh?" Bankai asked after an awkward pause.

Getting up, Banyo stretched his arms and said, "Given me and your grandmother's differing personalities, I think that us getting divorced was for the best." Lowering his arms, Banyo said, "But enough of that. So Bankai, how is your grandmother doing? Did she get into any trouble lately?"

"…Well right now grandma Tsume and her two friends are helping some fat lady exercise and lose weight," Bankai replied.

"Wait a minute," Banyo interrupted, "Your grandmother's actually _helping_ someone with something productive?"

"Grandma Tsume mentioned something about hula dancing to appease a volcano, but yeah," Bankai replied.

"…Your grandmother does realize that the closest volcano to Konoha is located all the way over in the Land of Wind, doesn't she?" Banyo asked.

"I think that Grandma Tsume and her friends are just being silly," Bankai replied. Looking over to the armchair in the living room, Bankai saw that Rojomaru and Banyo's two cats were cuddled together and sleeping. "Grandma would probably have a freak out if she saw Rojomaru sleeping peacefully with your cats, grandpa," Bankai remarked as he pointed to the display of interspecies friendship.

Chuckling in a good-natured tone, Banyo remarked, "Yeah, that does sound like Tsume, alright."

Turning to face his grandson, Banyo said, "So anywho, it was great getting to meet you, Bankai. Thanks for searching me out."

"Well thanks for being nowhere near as bad as grandma Tsume made you out to be," Bankai replied with a nod.

"Say, don't you have to get going home soon?" Banyo asked.

Looking to a wall clock that hung on the living room wall directly above the television set, Bankai exclaimed, "Holy crap! I'm going to be late for dinner!"

"Why don't I take you home, Bankai?" Banyo offered, "Maybe I can explain that the reason you were running late was because you were visiting me."

"…Didn't you say that Grandma Tsume would attack you on sight if she ever saw you approach the Inuzuka clan compound?" Bankai questioned.

"Which is why I'm counting on you to vouch for me, my boy," Banyo replied, "Maybe help smooth out some of your grandmother's feathers so that she won't try to maim me if I ever try to bring gifts by to your dad on the holidays."

Smiling, Bankai said, "Sure thing, grandpa Banyo. I've always wanted to have a grandpa."

"You always did have a grandpa," Banyo replied, "You always did."

* * *

"Goddamn!" Tsume exclaimed as she, Kuromaru, Harold and Inoichi walked back to the Inuzuka clan compound after spending the day hula dancing with Tenten in the throwing weapons practice grounds.

"I know," Harold remarked, "Who would have guessed that Tenten was such a great hula dancer?"

"The volcano will be most pleased with Tenten's performance," Inoichi declared, "Wait until I call Kankuro and tell him that Konoha has a natural when it comes to hula dancing!"

Tsume and the boys got to the front door, opened it and entered the house. When they did, Tsume exclaimed as she pointed at the sofa, "THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!" Looking in the direction Tsume was pointing in, Harold, Inoichi and Kuromaru saw that Banyo was sitting on the sofa with Sakaki and Bankai; Banyo and Bankai were on either side of Sakaki, who had a photo album open in her lap as she was apparently pointing out various memories to Banyo.

"Mama Tsume, why haven't you ever let papa Banyo here ever have a more active role in Bankai's life?" Sakaki asked when she faced her mother-in-law, "He's nowhere near as bad as you made him out to be!"

"Well of course YOU would think that my bastard ex is an upstanding person," Tsume snapped, "You and he are of a like mind when it comes to hell spawns!"

"Don't you mean cats, Tsume?" Banyo asked, "And before you say anything, Bankai visited me because he wanted to know more about me. I brought him back here because he said he was running late for dinner."

"When we got here, mom introduced herself and invited Grandpa Banyo to stay for dinner," Bankai continued.

"…Well it seems that no harm was done," Harold remarked, "I mean, Banyo here seems to just be trying to be a good grandpa."

"I'm surprised that you haven't allowed your ex to take a more active role in your grandson's life, Tsume," Inoichi said, "I mean, given that Ino didn't allow me to have an active role in Shikaru's and Inohime's lives until Ino needed Michelle and I to watch them that one time, I can sort of get how Banyo might feel."

"Look Tsume, I'm not asking you to change," Banyo said, "Or to forgive me, or even to get back together with me. All I'm asking is that you at least tolerate me enough to let me spend time with Kiba and the others. They aren't just your family, after all. They're mine as well."

After no words were spoken by anyone for about a minute or so, Tsume broke the silence by saying, "Oh what the hell. So long as you don't try to get Bankai to drop Rojomaru in favor of getting a ninja cat, I'm game with this plan."

Smirking in a manner suggesting that he somewhat expected Tsume to give such a response, Banyo replied, "I wouldn't even dream of it, Tsume. I wouldn't even dream of it."

"Well now that the relationship between Tsume and her ex has upgraded to Amicable Exes status, I say we celebrate," Inoichi declared.

"I agree," Harold remarked as he threw an arm around Banyo and dragged him into a hug, "I wanna see how much this lug can drink! Let's head to the bar!"

"Oh swell," Banyo muttered dryly to himself.

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Author's Notes:

(1) To keep Sunagakure citizens from getting too close to the volcano for safety reasons, Gaara came up with the excuse that the land immediately surrounding the volcano is 'sacred land' which requires a special permit issued by the office of the Kazekage to enter. These permits are somewhat pricey.

(2) No they aren't.

(3) Kiba and the others his age weren't quite old enough to enter the Hidden Leaf Ninja Academy at this point.

The original idea I had for this chapter focused primarily on Tenten trying to lose weight after an incident at a water park in Konoha, but I couldn't stretch that plot out enough without most of the humor in the chapter being awkward and, in all honesty, somewhat cringe-worthy. Therefore, I decided to make it something of a B-plot that will be featured over multiple chapters. I was actually planning to use the 'Bankai meets his grandpa Banyo' plot for another chapter at some point anyway, but after eighty-sixing the 'Tenten diet' idea, I decided to move this plot idea forward.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-three: Gifts from the Gods (AKA Praise the Sun, because That's no Moon!)

Harold Fisher and his wife Sophia were visiting their adult niece, Sakura Uchiha, one day in early to mid-November. "…So Haru and his friends are going to be busy with the new video games that just came out today," Sakura said to her aunt and uncle as she picked up a mug of tea, "I'm glad to see that the boys have something that helps them get along."

"What are those new games called again, dear?" Sophia asked as she picked up her own mug of tea.

"Haru said something about Sun and Moon version," Sakura replied. Setting her mug of tea down, Sakura continued, "Haru said that he picked Popplio the instant he got the chance to."

"I think Hiashi told me something about his granddaughter wanting the Sun one, and picking the little fire kitty," Harold remarked as he set down a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager that he was drinking from.

"Well since the kids will be occupied and staying out of trouble for the next few days, that frees up us grown-ups, eh?" Sophia said.

"I agree," Sakura replied with a nod, "The girls and I have to get together to discuss how we're going to manage Thanksgiving."

"Hey Sakura, that reminds me," Harold said, "You know how the boys and I are trying to help your fat friend lose weight?"

"You mean Tenten?" Sakura asked, "Yeah, what about her?"

"Don't you think it's kind of untimely to have her start a diet and weight loss regimen right before a major holiday that involves a lot of eating?" Harold asked.

"While I do agree with you that it is not the nicest thing to do to Tenten, the fact of the matter is that Tenten weighs more than most Akimichi clan members," Sakura replied. In a tone that sounded concerned, Sakura added, "I'm worried that something bad will happen to Tenten's health if she doesn't lose some weight."

"If you're that concerned with Tenten losing weight, then why don't you just do what Tsume suggested?" Harold replied.

"Because that is not how liposuction works," Sakura explained in an unamused monotone. (1)

* * *

Later, Harold was out with Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, as well as Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru. Both Harold and Inoichi were both taking care of a bit of grocery shopping for their respective wives. "And that's when Inohime complained that Shikaru picked the blue seal thing over the kitty," Inoichi said as he told his friends a story.

"Hey, my grandnephew ALSO picked the blue seal thingy!" Harold remarked.

"As did Bankai," Tsume stated.

"Wait, don't the boys need to get _all_ of those little critters?" Kuromaru asked.

"Choza told me that his grandson picked the little owl thingy," Inoichi stated.

"Shibi told me that his grandson also picked the little owl thingy," Harold pointed out.

"And I'm willing to bet that Hiashi's granddaughter picked that frigg'en cat thingy," Tsume said in a knowing tone.

"Yeah, Hiashi confirmed that one," Harold stated.

"Well at least the kids are all covered when it comes to getting all of those critters," Kuromaru said.

"So anywho boys, we got more important things to do than talk about the video games our grandkids play," Tsume said.

"That's right," Harold said as he held up a grocery bag he was carrying, "I got to get these groceries home!"

"Well, that," Tsume replied, "And we also got to grab Ten-ton and drag her fat ass out to the throwing weapons practice grounds for another workout session!"

"After I get these baking ingredients home to Sophia?" Harold asked.

"Well of course you should get those home," Tsume remarked, "We can't have Ten-ton eat them, now can we?"

* * *

Later that day, Harold and the others were at the Hyuga clan's estate. They were standing with Hiashi as he oversaw the arranging of tables and metal folding chairs in a large room. "You do know that Thanksgiving is next week, right dude?" Tsume asked as she turned to face Hiashi.

"Which is why I'm trying to get an idea on how to set up everything in here," Hiashi replied.

"Care to elaborate?" Harold asked.

"Every year," Hiashi began, "The entirety of the Hyuga clan gets together to have Thanksgiving dinner, here at the estate. This includes non-Hyugas who are related to the Hyuga clan."

"Oh, you mean like Lord Sixth, Tenten and Hanabi's husband," Inoichi replied.

Nodding in confirmation, Hiashi continued, "Since people start showing up early to either help with baking, or watch some football game or parade on TV, it's not just THIS room that's going to be seeing some changes for the holidays."

"Speaking of the holidays, what's your plan for Christmas?" Harold asked.

"I'm not quite sure," Hiashi replied, "You'll have to ask my nephew Neji, or some other member of the Hyuga clan's cadet branch, as they're overseeing Christmas-related celebrations and the like. The main branch of the Hyuga clan celebrates Hanukkah." (2)

"Oh yeah, that reminds me of all of those cool foods that Omiyo makes," Tsume said. Turing to face Hiashi, Tsume continued, "How is she-" Tsume stopped short upon seeing Hiashi's face, which was a mix of anger and sadness; the anger directed entirely at Tsume, and the sadness, which made up at least ninety percent of what Hiashi was feeling at the moment, aimed at something that was beyond anyone's control.

"…Can you guys leave for now?" Hiashi asked as a tear started to well up in the corner of his right eye, "I need to continue overseeing the arranging of the tables and folding chairs here." After Harold and the others excused themselves, Hiashi turned to face the room, in which a number of Hyuga ninja were arranging chairs and tables.

Approaching Hiashi was Neji and Ko, with the later saying, "Hey Lord Hiashi, where do you want Neji and I to set up the table where you and Lord Sixth will-"

"Lord Hiashi?" Neji interrupted, cutting Ko off and making him see the look on Hiashi's face.

"Sir, are you alright?" Ko asked when he noticed the look on Hiashi's face. Quickly wiping a tear away, Hiashi said, "Yes, I am fine. Sorry for causing you two to worry about me. Now then, why don't we continue planning the layout of chairs and tables for Thanksgiving?"

* * *

After their visit to the Hyuga clan estate, Harold and company got ahold of Tenten and dragged her over to the throwing weapons practice grounds for another workout session. Given the apparent success Harold and his friends had the last time they got Tenten to exercise, they came up with the idea of having Tenten try various dances every time they got together for a workout session. This time, they were going to try disco dancing.

"I am not wearing that," Tenten declared flatly when Harold removed an afro wig from a duffle bag he was carrying.

"Oh come on, Tenten," Harold said, "Afros are an important part of disco."

"What would Might Gai say if he saw you rejecting an afro wig?" Inoichi asked.

"Knowing Gai-sensei, he'd probably agree with you about the necessity of the afro wig," Tenten remarked in a dry monotone.

Tossing the afro wig to Tenten, Harold said, "That's the spirit! Now put it on!"

Begrudgingly and only because she actually lost some weight thanks to all of the hula dancing she did last time, Tenten put on the afro wig. As the afro wig jiggled and shook around, Tenten said, "Wow, it bounces around more than my butt."

"And your butt is all the more reason WHY you have to dance the fat away, Ten-ton," Tsume remarked.

Growling angrily, Tenten looked to Tsume and the others to snap, "Will you quit calling me-"

Given that Tenten was looking up as she put on the afro wig, she turned her gaze back down and saw that Harold, Inoichi and Tsume were not only all wearing afro wigs, but they all also wore full disco outfits and lavender-colored lensed glasses. "…Do I even want to ask?" Tenten said dryly as she saw what Harold and the others were wearing.

"Tenten, trust me on this one," Kuromaru said, "It'll help you get to sleep at night easier if you stop bothering trying to ask."

* * *

After spending two and a half hours disco dancing with Tenten, Harold and company decided to head on over to the Hokage office building. The fact that Harold, Inoichi and Tsume decided to take off their disco outfits and changed back into their regular outfits surprised Tenten; she thought that they would go all the way over to pester Naruto without first bothering to change back into normal clothes.

When they got there, Harold and company saw that the front lobby of the Hokage office building was already decorated for Thanksgiving. "Geez, and I thought that the Kazekage office building over in Sunagakure gets decorated for the holidays early," Inoichi remarked as he and the others walked in. As the group entered, they were greeted by Hinata and Natsu, the latter of the two currently playing a video game on her 3DS.

"That's one Team Skull grunt down," Natsu said as she played her game.

"Ah, Lord Sixth's wife," Harold greeted, "How's it going?"

"Natsu and I just stopped by to let Naruto know that my father has finished planning the layout of tables and chairs in the room over at the Hyuga clan estate where everyone will be having Thanksgiving dinner," Hinata said to the older ninja.

"Grandfather said that he's going to set up a table for him, father, mother and I to dine at on Thanksgiving," Natsu said, "I'm really looking forward to all of the various Oh no my Mudsdale fainted!"

"Whosajigawa?" Tsume said, obviously sounding confused.

"It's something in the game she's playing," Hinata explained to the older ninjas.

"Oh yeah, she got one of the new games that Haru and his friends are all playing," Harold remarked. To Natsu, Harold asked, "Hey young lady, my grandnephew said that you got the little cat critter at the beginning of your game, right?"

"Yes I did pick Litten at the beginning," Natsu replied, "Now I need to use a revive on my Mudsdale."

"Is that one of the new little critters?" Inoichi asked.

"Mudsdale is a Pokémon that is based off of a large breed of horse," Natsu replied, apparently answering the question in the affirmative.

"Well at least it beats a Pokémon that resembles an overweight rat," Tsume remarked, drawing nods of agreement out of Harold and Inoichi.

"Umm, oh dear," Natsu replied in a mildly concerned tone, "Umm, miss Tsume, did Bankai tell you about something that's been introduced in the new games called 'Regional Variants'?"

* * *

Later, Harold and company was over at Inoichi's place, playing pool in Inoichi's den. Inoichi's grandchildren were in the living room; Shikaru was playing the copy of the new game that he got, and Inohime was watching some Ponies on Netflix, which Inoichi set up for her. "So that rat critter is now the critter equivalent of Ten-ton," Tsume remarked as she sunk one of the pool balls in a corner pocket.

"I always thought that Snorlax was the critter that was closest to Tenten," Harold remarked as he lined up to take a shot. (3)

"According to my grandson," Inoichi said, "The fat rat is only fat in the new games. Ones that are transferred from older games aren't fat."

"Well that's a relief," said Tsume as she and Inoichi watched Harold take his shot, sinking the remaining balls.

As Inoichi set up for another game, Kuromaru said from over in the corner he sat in, "Yo Tsume, I need to take a leak."

"Excuse me boys, but I got a dog to take for a walk," Tsume said as she gestured for Kuromaru to follow her. After the Inuzuka clan kunoichi and her ninja dog left, Harold and Inoichi decided to shoot the crap until Tsume got back.

"You know, I bet that he'll miss it," Harold said to his best friend.

"Who?" Inoichi asked, looking mildly confused.

"Neji," Harold clarified, "I bet that he'll miss it."

"Miss what?" Inoichi asked, a genuinely lost look on his face. In response, Harold walked up to Inoichi, then he whispered something in the Yamanaka patriarch's ear.

Looking at Harold, Inoichi said, "…You raise an excellent point, Harold. I bet that Neji will very much miss it when it's gone."

* * *

Back over at the Hyuga clan estate, Hiashi was going from room to room, between a room that was set up to view a parade on TV, a room that was set up to watch a football game on TV, and the large main room where the tables and folding chairs were set up for the big Thanksgiving dinner. As he was walking from the football room to the big dining room, Hiashi reached into the neck hole of his traditional Hyuga clan robe, and pulled out something he wore around his neck.

It was a gold locket on a gold chain; not as elaborate and ornate as one that a woman might have, but it served the purpose Hiashi got it for quite well. Standing in place where he stopped walking so that he could pull the locket out, Hiashi gently pushed a button on the side of the locket, making it pop open so that Hiashi could look at what was inside the locket (at the angle we're at, we can't see what's inside).

Looking at what was inside of his locket, Hiashi whispered in a somber tone, "Omiyo…"

* * *

Back at Inoichi's place, Harold and the others were resuming their pool session once Tsume got back from taking Kuromaru to relieve himself. "…And nine months later, Ino was born," Inoichi said as he walked around his pool table, stroking the edge with his left hand as he did so. When he got back to his original spot, Inoichi added, "I've kept this pool table ever since."

"You're a man among men, my friend," Harold declared as he raised a beer glass, full of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager, in a toast to his best friend.

As Inoichi returned the toast, Tsume pulled something out of her pocket, which turned out to be a cell phone. Looking at the screen on it, Tsume muttered, "Ah hell."

"What happened?" Harold asked.

"Sakaki's mom needs a ride to the hospital after breaking her leg," Tsume explained after slipping her cell phone back into her pocket.

"Wait, aren't you Sakaki's mom?" Inoichi asked.

"I'm her mom- _in_ - _law_ ," Tsume clarified, "I'm talking about Sakaki's birth mom."

"Oh," Inoichi said, "…Well damn, she broke her leg? That has to suck."

"It does suck!" Tsume said in a tone of complaint, "Because now I have to go and help the old bat of a Nekozuka get to Konoha General!"

"Hey, here's a thought," Kuromaru began, "If you're so keen on not lifting a finger to aid the Nekozuka, why not get Banyo to take her instead?"

"You mean my ex?" Tsume replied, looking mildly confused.

"He does want to have a more active role in the lives of his children and their families," Kuromaru pointed out, "And due to Banyo's preference for cats, I bet he'd get along with Sakaki and her mother, who both have ninja cats."

"…Ah, what the hell," Tsume replied as she took her cell phone back out. After dialing in a number, Tsume held her phone up to her ear. "…Hello, Banyo?" Tsume said into her phone, "It's me, Tsume. Listen, can you do me a solid and take our daughter-in-law's birth mother to Konoha General? …Well you do have a car or something, right? …What do you mean your car was totaled when an ice cream truck was rammed into it? I'll help you find the dweebs that are responsible and we'll kick their asses together! It'll be the first thing that we did together after separating! …Okay, yeah. Oh, Hana said that she wants to reconnect after not seeing you for over twenty years. You okay with meeting her for lunch next week Tuesday? …Great, I'll let Hana know. She'll contact you with the info later. Okay, yeah. Alright, thanks anyway. Take care, Banyo. Bye."

After hanging up and slipping her cell phone back into her pocket, Tsume turned to face Harold and Inoichi and said, "Unfortunately, Banyo can't help because his car's in the shop after some assholes wrecked an ice cream truck into it. So now I have to go play escort to some crazy old cat lady."

"Damn it all to hell," Harold remarked, "Banyo's car was totaled by some idiots in an ice cream truck?!"

"I'm sure I'm speaking for Harold here when I say that if you and Banyo want it, we'll help you find the jerk-waffles responsible and help you kick their asses," Inoichi stated, drawing a nod of agreement out of Harold.

"Thanks, but I feel as if this is a thing that Banyo and I will have to do ourselves," Tsume replied, "You know, to help smooth things over between me and Banyo for the benefit of our kids and Bankai."

"Ah, good point," Harold remarked.

Sighing in a tone of resignation, Tsume said as she and Kuromaru proceeded to leave the room, "Now if you gentlemen will excuse us, I got a Nekozuka bitch to take to Konoha General."

* * *

After Tsume had left, Harold and Inoichi resumed their game of pool. At one point, Sakura and Ino showed up. "Oh, Uncle Harold, Mr. Yamanaka," Sakura greeted, "Sorry, but Ino and I are going to be busy at Konoha General."

"We just got called in to look at an older woman broke her leg," Ino explained.

"Well Shikaru and Inohime are still here, right?" Inoichi asked.

"Yeah, mom's still watching them," Ino confirmed. Gesturing to Sakura, Ino added, "In fact, Sakura figured that since the two of you would be playing pool today, she asked mom if she could also watch Haru."

"Haru and Shikaru will both be occupied with their new games, so there's no need to worry about the boys wandering off and getting into trouble," Sakura explained to the two older ninjas.

"Well hot damn! Haru's over here now as well?" Harold exclaimed.

"Now it's a party!" Inoichi declared.

Smiling, Sakura said, "Yes, yes. Oh, Mr. Yamanaka, I believe that your wife wanted to talk to you about doing some shopping for Thanksgiving tomorrow."

"And when you do go take care of the shopping, please behave yourself," Ino stressed to her father, "I do not want to hear about a repeat of _last_ year…"

(FLASHBACK, ABOUT ONE YEAR AGO)

A large number of shoppers were scrambling all over the inside of the Konoha supermarket. An overweight woman, pushing a cart full of various Thanksgiving foodstuffs, was running as fast as she could through the meat section. After grabbing the largest turkey that she saw, the woman threw it into her cart and proceeded to dash out of the meat section. As she ran, the overweight woman was shocked when a shopping cart pulled up right beside the one she was pushing.

The other cart was being pushed by Harold, while Inoichi stood in the basket of the cart, holding a baguette in each hand, as if he were dual-wielding swords. Raising both baguettes over his head as if he was going to do a double horizontal slash, Inoichi jumped out of the cart basket and flew at the overweight woman. As the overweight woman screamed in fear, Inoichi yelled loud enough to be heard over the overweight woman, "Sie sind das Essen und Wir sind die Jager!"

(END FLASHBACK)

"…Now in all fairness, Tenten knew what she was getting into when she was helping the Hyuga clan with the Thanksgiving shopping last year," Inoichi defended.

Face-palming, Ino said, "Whatever. Will you and Mr. Fisher just go help mom watch the kids already?"

"Hey, you don't have to ask me twice," Harold replied.

"I agree," Inoichi said, "Us older folks love spending time with the grandkids. …Or grandnephew, in Harold's case."

* * *

Still over at Inoichi's place, Harold and Inoichi were continuing playing pool. Also, Tsume and Kuromaru were done with getting Sakaki's mother to Konoha General, and have since returned to hang with the guys. "Hey Tsume, I've been meaning to ask you," Harold said as he set up the pool table for another game, "How is it that you've been able to put up with being related to the Nekozuka clan?"

"Yeah, I've been wondering that myself," Inoichi stated as he walked over to where he had his cue sticks.

After selecting a cue stick, Inoichi said as he applied cue chalk to the one end, "Seriously, Tsume. The guys and I figured that you'd flip your lid the instant you heard that your son was engaged to someone from a clan that you consider to be the archrival to the Inuzuka." (4)

"Oh, I most certainly did flip my lid," Tsume replied casually, "Remember that one incident from over twelve years ago, where over twenty cars randomly blew up in and around Konoha?"

"Yeah, I remember hearing that," Inoichi replied.

With a knowing smirk, Tsume said as she watched Inoichi take a shot, "Like I said. I most certainly did flip my lid."

"…Wow," Kuromaru said with a shake of his head, "And since I remember hearing that most of those cars belonged to Nekozuka clan members, everything suddenly comes together."

"Well then boys," Tsume said as she lined up to take a shot, "Are we going to continue this game, or just shoot the crap all day?"

* * *

That evening, as things were winding down for the day, Harold and Sophia were back at their place. "…And that's when Haru said he beat some guy named Guzma," Harold said to Sophia as they got dressed for bed.

"Well that certainly does sound very interesting," Sophia remarked as she took a simple stud earring out of the lobe on her right ear. After laying the earring down on her nightstand, Sophia turned to face Harold and said, "So how did your day go, dear? I believe you mentioned something about you and the boys playing pool?"

"Oh yeah, we had a hell of a time," Harold said, "Although the pool-playing was peppered between doing other things. But those other things were also entertaining."

"Well so long as you had fun," Sophia replied as she got into bed. Getting into bed himself, Harold said, "And now I get to enjoy the best part of the day."

Looking at her husband with a curious look, Sophia said in a confused tone, "The best part of the day?"

Giving his wife an affectionate peck on the cheek, Harold said, "Spending the rest of it with you."

Smiling, Sophia replied, "Well you certainly DO have a way with words, dear."

"And YOU certainly do have a way with being awesome," Harold said, drawing some cute giggling out of Sophia.

As the two older Fishers laid down, Harold said, "So are there any plans you have for tomorrow?"

"Well the ladies and I were planning on a get together to discuss how we're going to take care of the shopping for Thanksgiving dinner next week," Sophia explained, "We DO have families to feed, after all."

"Oh that reminds me," Harold said, "You want that the guys and I should handle the shopping for you and the other ladies again?"

"I believe Tenten mentioned something about someone attacking her with a pair of baguettes last year during the shopping for Thanksgiving dinner in order to steal the turkey she got," Sophia remarked, "She took a blow to her head, so she doesn't quite remember the details."

"So can I take that as a yes, then?" Harold asked.

Smiling, Sophia replied, "Well you and your friends always manage to get everything that's needed, so I don't see why not."

"Woot!" Harold cheered as he pumped a fist into the air.

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Author's notes:

(1) Tsume suggested shoving the hose of a vacuum cleaner into Tenten and sucking the fat out.

(2) Hyuga in the main branch are Jewish. This isn't necessarily applicable for non-Hyugas married to main branch Hyugas, though.

(3) Harold can correctly identify more Pokémon than Naruto can characters from Ponies.

(4) When he said 'the guys', Inoichi meant himself, Harold and Kuromaru.

There's chapter twenty-three for you. This chapter is meant primarily to serve as build-up for Thanksgiving next week, as well as helping to introduce the concept of religion into the story setting (how ELSE will the big holiday specials make sense?). I'll be working on chapter twenty-four in the meantime, but given that I'm going to be in the Alola region with my Litten starting this Friday, I'm going to be somewhat occupied, so the chapter may not be out on time.

As a side-note, I would like to apologize; I had meant to get this chapter out earlier, but I was handling some school work, so I couldn't get this chapter out until I got to the length of time between classes.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-four: A long overdue return home (AKA It's always a big help to have a Granny Classic around during the holidays)

One morning in the village of Konohagakure, Sophia Fisher was having some morning tea with two of her friends; Michelle Yamanaka, who is roughly the same age as Sophia, and Tenten, who is much younger than the other two women. Tenten is also somewhat more…well-fed…than the other two women, which is part of why, in recent events, Tenten has started a diet and exercise regimen.

Surprisingly, the respective husbands of Sophia and Michelle, Harold and Inoichi, along with Harold and Inoichi's friend Tsume Inuzuka, have been helping with Tenten's weight loss efforts. Their idea of having Tenten 'dance the fat away', while seeming like one of their usual bouts of stupidity, has actually had some results.

Thus, Tenten was in the kitchen of Inoichi and Michelle's residence, sitting at the table with Michelle and Sophia as the three women waited for Inoichi and his friends to get done changing into whatever outfit was required for today's dance number; another part of the 'dance the fat away' idea was that they would try a different dance every few days or so, to keep things from becoming boring.

"So what dance do you suppose our husbands have in store for Tenten today?" Michelle asked Sophia as the Fisher matriarch lifted a mug of tea to her lips.

After taking a quiet sip and setting her mug back down, Sophia replied, "I have no idea. But Harold and the others do seem to know what they're doing, so we should trust in them."

"Boy, I'll say," Tenten remarked, "At first I thought that their idea of making me dance was just them being stupid again. But after I weighed myself and saw I was down twenty pounds, I decided to go out and buy a proper pair of dance shoes."

"Yeah, we're going to be providing the shoes you'll be wearing for today's dance," Harold's voice said from behind Tenten. When Tenten and the two older women turned their attention to the direction that Harold spoke from, to say they were stunned into silence was a…mild understatement.

Harold, Inoichi and Tsume were all wearing identical outfits that consisted of black shoes, black dress pants, powder-blue tuxes, and sunglasses. Kuromaru, Tsume's talking ninja dog, could be seen peeking into the kitchen from the doorway; he was shaking his head in shame.

"THE HELL ARE YOU ALL WEARING?!" Tenten exclaimed.

"This is the outfit that's required for today's dance," Tsume explained, "It's a very popular dance, Ten-ton."

"You honestly don't expect me to wear an outfit like that, do you?" Tenten asked in a mildly worried tone.

"Actually, we had a very easy time finding a copy of this outfit for women your size," Inoichi remarked. (1)

"…Seriously?" Tenten asked, looking mildly off guard.

Nodding in the affirmative, Harold said, "The tricky part was finding two copies of this outfit sized to fit guys like me and Inoichi, and one copy sized to fit women like Tsume."

"A damn shame they didn't have a copy of the outfit made to fit dogs the size of Kuromaru," Tsume said with a shrug.

"I wouldn't even want it," Kuromaru remarked from the living room.

"Well then dear, the boys and I will be taking Tenten off your hands for the time being," Harold said as he walked up to Sophia. Giving his wife an affectionate peck on the cheek, Harold said, "Mmm…sexy lady."

"Oh stop, you!" Sophia giggled, blushing profusely. Inoichi proceeded to do the same with Michelle that Harold just did with Sophia, making the older Yamanaka woman react much the same way that her Fisher friend did.

* * *

Over at Konoha General, Sakura Uchiha was in the hospital room of a patient that had been at Konoha General for a very long time. Looking to the bed in which the patient laid, Sakura saw a woman of notable age; the woman was at least as old as Sakura's mother Mebuki. The woman had long, dark-colored hair, the shade and style of said hair making the woman resemble a much older version of Sakura's friend, Hinata Uzumaki. Looking at the clip board she was holding, Sakura said quietly to herself as she looked back at the older woman, "…Wow. She really has been here for quite some-"

"Dr. Uchiha?" an older man's voice called out, getting Sakura to turn and face the direction of the hospital room's doorway. Standing in the open doorway was Hiashi Hyuga, holding a bouquet of flowers that, though modest, was still lovely all the same. In fact, one could make the argument that Hiashi getting this particular bouquet was a more heartfelt gesture than if he had gotten the biggest, most impressive bouquet of flowers he found at the flower shop.

Seeing this bouquet that Hiashi was holding, Sakura gave a small smile. "White lilies are Mrs. Hyuga's favorites," Sakura remarked as she greeted the older Hyuga clan lord, "Hinata told me."

"She always appreciates any show of love that I show her," Hiashi said as he moved to put the bouquet of lilies in a vase on the bedside table next to the hospital bed; the vase, a small, light blue vase just large enough to hold the lilies Hiashi got sat next to a pair of glasses (which resembled the pair that Hinata wore) that rested on the nightstand. As he put the lilies in the vase, Hiashi continued, "Although overly extravagant shows then to overwhelm her. I've had to learn to tone things down around her."

Watching as Hiashi put the lilies in the vase, Sakura said, "I see where Hinata gets that part of her attitude from, then."

After he was done with his task, Hiashi turned to face Sakura. "…I'm going to assume that she'll be stuck here for another Thanksgiving?" Hiashi asked in a tone that like he knew what the answer was going to be but Hiashi was still hopeful all the same.

Looking at the clip board, Sakura sighed and said, "If these numbers are true, then not only with Mrs. Hyuga spend another Thanksgiving here at Konoha General, but she'll also be spending Christmas-"

"Hanukkah," Hiashi corrected automatically.

"…Sorry," Sakura replied, "The point remains that your wife will be spending a bit more-"

"…Mmm…" a voice mumbled in the room; though weak, it was loud enough for Sakura and Hiashi to hear. Startled, both of them turned to face the older woman lying in the hospital bed. To their shock, she was slowly moving around, as if she was just a normal person shifting around in their sleep.

Seeing this, both Sakura and Hiashi went wide-eyed with shock. "…How can this even be…?" Sakura said quietly, "…She should have…" Quickly, Sakura turned to face Hiashi.

"Mr. Hyuga, I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside," Sakura said, "I need to contact Lady Tsunade about this pronto!" Without any amount of argument, Hiashi let Sakura more or less push him out of the room. As Sakura ran down the hallway, Hiashi sat down in a chair that was located next to the doorway of the hospital room that he and Sakura were just in. Turning to face the little nametag of the patient that was in the room, Hiashi read what it said: Hyuga, Omiyo.

As he looked at the nametag next to the doorway of the hospital room, Hiashi could not help but let a tear roll down his face. With a small smile, Hiashi said quietly to himself, "It looks like you will be able to come home for the holidays after all, Omiyo."

* * *

A few hours later, the older woman lying in the hospital bed, who had started to come to, was just waking up fully. Opening her eyes, which were Byakugan eyes, the older woman slowly started trying to sit up in bed, only for someone's hand to gently lay itself on her shoulder. Looking in the appropriate direction, the older woman saw Hiashi looking at her, tears starting to well up in his eyes. "It certainly has been a while, Omiyo," Hiashi said.

Smiling at Hiashi, the older woman, named Omiyo, said as tears started to well up in her eyes, "I'd certainly have to agree with that, Hiashi dear."

"You must take it easy," Hiashi said as he gently patted Omiyo's shoulder that he had his hand on, "You only just woke up."

"How long have I been stuck here?" asked the older Hyuga woman.

"Years, sadly enough," Hiashi replied. With a slight chuckle, Hiashi added with a small smile, "But with the way things are looking, it seems that you'll finally be able to come home."

Returning the smile, Omiyo replied, "Well I certainly do miss being with you. I also miss seeing our daughters. Tell me, how are Hinata and Hanabi doing?"

"They're both doing very well," Hiashi explained with another slight chuckle, "Both the girls are grown and are married to fine men."

"A shame I couldn't go to their weddings," Omiyo remarked, "I would have loved to-"

"Sorry we took so long," a familiar voice called out from behind Hiashi and his wife. The two older Hyuga turned to face the direction the talking came from; they saw Tsunade and Sakura enter the hospital room (it had been Tsunade who called out). "When Sakura told me that Omiyo Hyuga started coming to, I couldn't believe it," Tsunade said as she looked at a clipboard. Lowering the clipboard to look at Hiashi and Omiyo, Tsunade said, "But now that I Mrs. Hyuga what are you doing?!"

Confused by what Tsunade said, Hiashi and Sakura both turned to look at Omiyo; despite being a woman of at least sixty years of age who had been more or less bedridden in a hospital for who knows how long, Omiyo had not only gotten out of her hospital bed, but was now on her hands and knees and bowing her head to Tsunade. It was a gesture that conveyed an ultimate level of respect. Seeing such a respectful gesture being shown to Tsunade, Hiashi turned to face the older medic ninja and said, "Sakura did tell you that my wife is extremely respectful to the office of Hokage and those who hold it, right?"

"Well I'm no longer the Hokage," Tsunade replied, "Well not the active one, anyway." As Sakura helped Omiyo up off of the floor, Tsunade said to the older Hyuga couple, "Well no one expected Omiyo to recover this early. The fact that she's so eligible for release this close to a major holiday is nothing short of a miracle."

"Holiday?" Omiyo repeated.

"Yes, Mrs. Hyuga," Sakura replied with a nod, "Thanksgiving is this Thursday."

"As per usual, the rest of the Hyuga clan and I have been preparing for our big Thanksgiving get together," Hiashi said to his wife, "Lady Tsunade was right when she said that you recovering so close to the holidays is nothing short of a miracle."

"…Well I do enjoy helping the other Hyuga women with cooking everything," Omiyo replied, and with a slight giggle added, "I bet everyone misses the way I made stuffing."

"Oh yeah, a lot of the men in the clan that have had your stuffing remark every Thanksgiving that your recipe is better than what we had every year since you were hospitalized," Hiashi said with a laugh, "In fact, I bet that Naruto, Tenten and Udon will love your stuffing just as much as the rest of us."

"Keep in mind that Tenten's on a diet, Mr. Hyuga," Sakura pointed out.

With a slightly confused look on her face, Omiyo said, "Who are those people that you just mentioned, Hiashi dear?"

"Our son-in-law, niece-in-law and other son-in-law respectively," Hiashi explained to his wife, "You'll see them at the Hyuga Thanksgiving dinner this Thursday."

With a slight chuckle, Sakura whispered to Tsunade, "Wait until Mrs. Hyuga meets Naruto."

"Oh yeah, that will be fun to watch," Tsunade whispered back to her apprentice.

* * *

The next day, Omiyo was sitting up in her hospital bed, reading a book; Omiyo was wearing the pair of glasses that was on the bedside table. Despite looking perfectly calm, the older Hyuga woman was very excited, as today was the day that she would be officially released from Konoha General. Knowing her husband, Omiyo bet that Hiashi would have some sort of big celebration planned for her return home. Omiyo also expected that Hiashi would run himself ragged trying to make everything as perfect as possible for her return; Omiyo wished that Hiashi wouldn't stress himself out for her sake.

As Omiyo flipped the page in the book she was reading, Harold walked into the hospital room with Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru. "Woah ho, long time no see," Harold greeted the older Hyuga woman. Looking to see her visitors, Omiyo gave them a mildly confused look.

"…Aren't you three Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka?" Omiyo asked. Pointing to Kuromaru, Omiyo added, "And isn't this Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru?"

"Well I'm glad that all of these years stuck in the hospital didn't make you forget that the ninja dogs of house Inuzuka are equal and valued members, same as the ninja," Tsume remarked.

Walking up to Omiyo's hospital bed, Kuromaru said, "I'm certainly glad to see that you're finally recovered enough to leave Konoha General." Smiling, Omiyo reached her hand out to ruffle the top of Kuromaru's head. As Omiyo ruffled the top of Kuromaru's head, the large ninja dog started wagging his tail.

"So what brings all of you by?" Omiyo asked Harold and the others.

"As you already know, today's the day you're released," Tsume began.

With a nod showing that she was following along, Omiyo replied, "Go on."

"And Hiashi, excited that you'll finally be back home, is preparing something special," Inoichi continued.

After Omiyo gave another nod, Harold said, "However, Ko and Neji accidentally dropped something they were carrying in preparation for your return home. As such, Hiashi had to stay to help fix it, as he wants everything to be perfect for your return."

"Well that's Hiashi for you," Omiyo said in a 'I knew this would happen' kind of tone.

"Since Hiashi wants to make sure that everything is perfect for you, the guys and I volunteered to escort you from Konoha General to the Hyuga clan estate," Harold explained.

"The man wanted to escort you home himself, but given that he was stressing over whether to stay to help make things absolutely perfect for your arrival or whether to go and pick you up, the boys and I told him to chillax and let us handle the pick-up," Inoichi went on, "After a minute or so, the man finally relented."

"…I'm surprised that you managed to convince him to let you all handle bringing me home," Omiyo replied, "I'd have thought that he would have ask you to handle overseeing things while he comes here to pick me up."

"Well given that this is Harold, Inoichi and Tsume that we're talking about here, you can understand why your husband would want to do the overseeing rather than delegate it to them," Kuromaru pointed out.

"Umm…well alright then," Omiyo replied after a short few seconds of silence. After some assistance in getting out of her hospital bed, Omiyo went into a private bathroom that was part of the hospital room she was in so she could change into a regular outfit. When she came out, Omiyo was dressed, wearing a simple, somewhat loose-fitting lavender long-sleeved blouse and a cream-colored skirt that reached her ankles; the older Hyuga woman also wore a pair of shinobi sandals on her feet. Omiyo also wore a Konoha shinobi headband around her neck, which is the exact same manner Hinata wears her headband. To complete her look, Omiyo was carrying a purse, its long strap going over her right shoulder.

"A classic look," Kuromaru remarked, "I'm surprised that you still wear your headband, though. Most shinobi your age stop wearing the headband, assuming they're still active shinobi."

"Hey, the boys and I are all active," Harold remarked, "Although I'm curious as to why Tsume doesn't wear her headband anymore."

"I lost it," Tsume explained casually.

"Then why don't you go and get a replacement?" Kuromaru asked.

"Do you know how much it would cost to get a new one?" Tsume snapped.

"About the same as the average price for a used 3DS game," Kuromaru replied, "It's not all that expensive." (2)

Holding her hand to the metal plate of her headband, Omiyo said with a slight smile and a laugh, "Oh, I've long since stopped being an active shinobi. Given my age and how long I've been in the hospital, I doubt that I'd be allowed back into active duty anyway. To be completely honest, it's mostly out of force of habit that I still wear my headband. I would have this sort of naked feeling if I wasn't wearing my headband."

"I completely understand that feeling," Harold remarked. Holding up one of his hands, Harold pointed to a ring on one of the fingers and said, "I'd have that same naked feeling that you just described if I'm not wearing my wedding ring."

Smiling, Omiyo said, "I'm glad to see that one of you gets what I'm saying. Even Hiashi does not understand why I insist on wearing my headband, though I am no longer active as a shinobi."

"Anywho folks, we got to get going," Tsume said to the group as she clapped her hands together, "We got a nice old lady here to escort back to one of the largest households in the entire frigg'en village. We _do_ have folks waiting on us, after all."

As Harold led the others out of the hospital room and Konoha General as a whole, Kuromaru looked up to Omiyo as the group walked and said, "So are you, like, an older Hinata, or what?"

* * *

Even though Harold and company were escorting someone from one place to another, they thought that it would be a good idea to stop off at the Akimichi clan-owned diner for their morning cups of coffee first. Thus, the four older ninja and one ninja dog stopped off, with Harold and his friends getting a mug of coffee each; Omiyo preferred getting a mug of tea instead. "So what have you guys been up to recently?" Omiyo asked.

"Oh a little bit of this," Tsume replied casually, "A little bit of that."

"Umm…" Omiyo replied at length, "…I would appreciate it if I got an answer that wasn't so vague."

"Well I would have love to have given you a clearer answer, but Hiashi asked the boys and I to be as gentle as we can with you," Tsume explained.

Nodding in agreement, Harold said, "The shenanigans that we usually get up to can be quite overwhelming for those who, unlike the boys and I, aren't as…"

"Stupid?" Kuromaru suggested.

"Awesome, yeah! That's it!" Harold declared.

Giving a small chuckle, Omiyo replied, "I bet that if any of you have any grandkids, you get along with them very well."

"Well I have a grandnephew, actually," Harold pointed out, "But yeah. Haru does respects me."

"Haru?" Omiyo repeated in a mildly confused tone.

"Yeah, that's the name of my grandnephew," Harold said, "Haru Uchiha."

"Uchiha?!" Omiyo repeated in a mildly louder, mildly alarmed tone.

"Yeah, Harold's niece Sakura hooked up with that Sasuke turd," Tsume explained, "It was going to be either Harold's niece or Inoichi's daughter that would have ended up with Uchiha."

"Eh," Inoichi said in an indifferent tone as he picked up his mug of coffee, "Better Uchiha than some artsy son of a bitch."

"So yeah, my grandnephew is a Uchiha, and as such he got these dank, magical red eyes," Harold said to Omiyo as he continued his line of conversation.

"…You mean the Sharingan?" Omiyo asked.

"Yeah, that thing," Harold replied as he pointed to Omiyo.

"The kid's actually a pretty good ninja for his age," Inoichi said, "He's got all of the skill, strength and promise that his dad showed at that age, but with none of the angsty emo crap. That Haru kid is a kind, helpful, upstanding young man."

"Well, if you're being so insistent about it, then I suppose I shouldn't be so weary of the child," Omiyo replied as she sat her mug of tea down.

"Oh come on now, don't tell me you're one of those people who think the Uchiha are a race of boogeymen!" Harold exclaimed.

"Well they do have sort of a reputation that makes people see them as such," Omiyo defended.

"Omiyo, dude, trust me," Tsume said in a casual tone, "The Uchiha have mellowed out. There's no need to worry."

"Besides, Haru is the only kid that my niece had with Sasuke," Harold added, "I'm pretty sure there's no chance of another incident like the Uchiha Massacre." (3)

"Well…if you all say so," Omiyo replied at length, still looking mildly unsure.

"We KNOW so," Inoichi declared confidently.

"Pfft, like you guys ever know anything," Kuromaru remarked to himself.

"Well now back to the subject at hand," Inoichi said, "Grandkids, or grandnephew if you're Harold."

Nodding in agreement, Tsume turned to Omiyo and said, "I myself have a grandson named Bankai. He's around the same age as Harold's grandnephew. The boys get along swimmingly with each other."

"As they do with my grandson Shikaru," Inoichi remarked with a confident nod.

"…Shikaru? That doesn't sound like a Yamanaka name," Omiyo noted.

"You remember Shikaku's son Shikamaru, right?" Inoichi replied, and after Omiyo nodded in the affirmative Inoichi continued, "Well, Shikamaru married my daughter Ino."

"Ah, that would explain it," the older Hyuga woman remarked with a nod.

"My grandson Shikaru is around the same age as Haru and Bankai," Inoichi went on, "Same as their pals Choba Akimichi and Shibei Aburame."

Nodding along, Omiyo said, "I bet their grandfathers must be proud of them."

"Oh, Inoichi here also has a granddaughter," Harold added.

"Oh yeah!" Inoichi said, "I almost forgot! Yeah, in addition to my grandson Shikaru, I also have a four-year-old granddaughter named Inohime. Here, I'll show you a picture." Without waiting for a response from anyone, Inoichi pulled out a wallet and opened it, allowing photos that were in a line of sleeves in the wallet to trail out. Pointing to one of the photos, Inoichi said, "This here is Shikaru with his little sister."

With a mildly confused look on her face, Omiyo asked as she leaned in to take a closer look, "What's with that bunny dressed as a police officer?"

"That's one of Inohime's favorite toys," Inoichi explained as he folded the line of photos back into the wallet, "It's a stuffed animal of a character from a movie that's popular with kids."

"Oh, it must be the picture from when Ino and her family moved into their new house," Tsume said as she picked her mug of coffee back up, "The plushy of the pink horse on drugs was still packed in a box at the time, and she hadn't gotten a new doll of that queen with magical ice powers."

"I'm a little lost here. What are you talking about?" Omiyo asked.

"Oh, a while ago, my daughter's family's house burned down do to some malfunctioning stove or whatever," Inoichi explained, "Luckily for them, me and the rest of Konoha had their back. It helps that my son-in-law is one of Lord Sixth's advisors, not to mention a close friend of his."

"I assume that Lord Sixth is the current Hokage?" Omiyo asked.

"Totally," Harold said, "Lord Sixth is a surprisingly rocking dude."

"You're just saying that because he allowed you and the others to keep the supercar," Kuromaru remarked.

"Supercar?" Omiyo repeated in a confused manner.

"Oh, we had a supercar but it crashed a while ago so we no longer have it," Harold replied in a slightly depressed tone.

"It was the coolest car in the history of cars," Inoichi said as he made a saluting gesture, as if he were saluting a comrade that was being buried.

"…I see…" Omiyo replied, mostly unsure how to even react.

"Well anywho, we should probably get you home now," Tsume said as she sat her now empty mug of coffee on the table, "We can't keep your family waiting forever."

"Really, are you sure?" Kuromaru said in a sarcastic tone, "Because I could have sworn that that's what you and the others were going for."

"Oh shut up, you," Tsume replied in a mildly annoyed tone.

* * *

A short while later, Harold and company had brought Omiyo to the front door of the Hyuga clan estate. "Next stop, Hyuga central!" Harold announced as if he were a guy working on a train (you know the one). Looking up at the tall main building of the estate, Omiyo could not help but smile.

"…It certainly has been a while since I was home," Omiyo remarked, "I wonder how the Hyuga clan is doing."

"Oh they're doing quite well," Inoichi remarked, "Hiashi has made sure of that. And it helps that the Hyuga clan has some serious backing."

"What do you mean by that?" Omiyo asked.

Smiling somewhat mischievously, Harold replied, "You'll see what Inoichi's talking about once we get you inside."

Before the group proceeded, Tsume knocked on the front double doors of the estate while shouting, "Oi, Hiashi! We brought the woman like we said we would!"

"I seriously cannot believe that Lord Hiashi would seriously send you, Mr. Fisher and Mr. Yamanaka to go and pick up Lady Omiyo from the hospital," a male voice that wasn't Hiashi's shouted back. Before anyone could ask who it was that had responded, the double doors opened, revealing Neji and Ko as the ones who opened the double doors (it was Ko who had shouted).

"Oh boo hoo to you," Tsume replied in a sarcastic monotone.

To Omiyo, Neji said, "Forgive us if your trip here was…less that pleasant, Lady Omiyo. Rest assured that if we had been informed of your need for an escort from the hospital, Ko and I would have instantly volunteered for the job."

"And you would have brought her straight home, rather than stop off at the Akimichi clan diner first for our morning mugs of coffee," Harold said.

"Yes we would have gotten her home right away!" Ko insisted.

"While running the risk of Hiashi not having everything ready for his wife's arrival home," Inoichi continued.

"Yes we…" Ko continued, but stopped midsentence as he thought about what Inoichi and the others were getting at. "…You deliberately stalled for time so that Lord Hiashi would have everything ready?" Ko asked, looking mildly stunned.

As Inoichi and his friends gave the two cadet branch Hyuga knowing smiles, Neji leaned somewhat towards Ko and whispered to him, "We underestimated them."

"Well then, we got a nice old lady to get inside, don't we?" Tsume said to the younger Hyuga men as she clapped her hands together.

And so, Harold and his friends, with Neji and Ko following along, led Omiyo into the Hyuga clan estate, walking her through its various hallways and eventually leading her to one particular door. "Well then, Lady Omiyo," Neji said as he gestured to the door, "Would you care to do the honors?"

"I suppose so," replied the older Hyuga woman as she grabbed ahold of the doorknob and turned it.

After she had opened the door, the great number of people that were waiting in the large room shouted, "WELCOME HOME!"

When Omiyo got a good look at what waited for her inside, she was truly shocked; at least twenty people were inside, and not all of them were Hyuga. There were also tables lined against the walls, loaded with various refreshments. It was quite the welcoming party, and for the modest and humble older woman, it was a tad overwhelming. But given that all these people had gotten together for a welcoming party for her, she had to try and accept so much attention. Although the familiar sight of Hiashi, who stood front and center in front of the large gathering, was a relief to Omiyo. With a small but sincere smile, Hiashi said, "Welcome home, dear."

"I-it's great to be home," Omiyo replied, stammering slightly out of nervousness over all of the attention she was receiving all at once.

Looking around, Tsume said, "Yo Hiashi, where's your youngest daughter?"

"Hanabi is right there, next to Hinata," Hiashi replied as he gestured to two Hyuga women, both wearing traditional Hyuga clan robes.

"…That can't be Hanabi," Tsume said as she pointed to the younger Hyuga woman that didn't wear glasses, "She's not wearing a shirt that exposes her midriff."

"Father insisted that I 'dress properly' for the welcome home party for mother," Hanabi replied, her tone sounding just a little bit annoyed. As he looked around the party, Harold spotted Naruto in the crowd (Tenten and Udon were also in the crowd, but they weren't the focus of Harold's attention).

To Hiashi, Harold said, "Dude, I wasn't aware you let Lord Sixth attend the party."

"Well, why wouldn't I?" Hiashi replied, "I mean, he is-"

"The Hokage is here?" Omiyo said, interrupting her husband out of shock.

"Yeah dude," Tsume said. Pointing out Naruto in the crowd, Tsume said to Omiyo, "You see that tall dude with the long, spiky blonde hair?" After the older Hyuga woman nodded in the affirmative, Tsume said, "Yeah, that's Lord Sixth."

"Yo Lord Sixth, come over here!" Harold called out, getting Naruto to walk over.

"The hell are you up to, Mr. Fisher?" Naruto asked as he came up to Harold and company.

"Well I just figured that Omiyo here would want to get to meet her son-in-law," Harold explained causally.

To Naruto, Omiyo said in a nervous manner, "Well, umm, Lord Sixth, umm, this is certainly a great wait what was that last thing that Harold said?"

"Oh, the boys and I forgot to mention this," Tsume said, "Lord Sixth here is your son-in-law. He's married to your oldest daughter."

Silence fell upon the room as Omiyo was processing what she had just been told. After about, say, ten or so seconds, Omiyo fainted and fell over. "And it's good!" Tsume cheered, throwing both hands up into the air.

Giving the Inuzuka matriarch a look that could kill, Hiashi said, "I so hate you right now, Tsume."

"Bite me," Tsume replied with a smirk.

* * *

That Thursday, Omiyo was sitting in a comfortable armchair in a den room at the Hyuga clan estate; a number of other Hyuga women, plus Tenten (who's married to Neji) had the TV on and were watching some special parade that was being broadcasted on the channel they had the TV set to. Omiyo wasn't so much paying attention to the parade as she was currently reading a book, but she did appreciate having the background noise going on. "So Mrs. Hyuga," Tenten said, getting the older Hyuga woman's attention.

Putting a bookmark in the book she was reading to mark her place, Omiyo replied, "Yes, Tenten?"

"I just want to know how you feel about Tenji," Tenten replied, "I mean, I know she's not in the Hyuga clan's main branch, and that I, who isn't even a Hyuga, am Tenji's mother."

Smiling, Omiyo replied, "And you're worried that everything you just listed might make me think less of Tenji. Well Tenten, rest assured that I'm not all that big on status or whatever. Tenji is my grandniece, and as such I love her all the same, regardless of her birthright."

"What does nice old lady think of Hachiko?" a male and somewhat simple-sounding voice spoke up, getting the two women to turn their heads in the direction the voice came from; as such, they came face to face with Hachiko, Tenten's talking Akita.

"Oh yeah, Mr. Hyuga repealed the Hyuga clan's ban on pets a while ago," Tenten said to the older Hyuga woman, "As such, practically the entire clan, and non Hyugas related to the clan such as myself, were able to get pets. This here is Hachiko, my Akita. The reason why he can talk is because he was bred from Inuzuka clan ninja dogs."

"Hachiko has never seen nice old lady before," Hachiko continued as he wagged his tail, "Hachiko wishes to sniff nice old lady's face and then lick it."

After a brief pause, due to being at a loss for words, Omiyo said, "Well, umm…I'm glad to see that you're a friendly dog, Hachiko."

"Is the object you are holding edible?" Hachiko asked Omiyo, "Hachiko smells lots of good smells, which make Hachiko hungry."

"Hey, if I have to wait to eat, you have to wait as well," Tenten said to her talking dog.

As Hachiko started to whine over having to wait for food, Omiyo was mildly startled when a black cat leapt up into her lap. "Oh, this is Pantherlily," Tenten explained to Omiyo, "He is a talking cat that Hinata got for her daughter Natsu."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, good miss," Pantherlily said to the older Hyuga woman, "My owner, who I am told is your granddaughter, is very excited to finally see you out of the hospital, out and about and doing well."

The talking cat then proceeded to rub his head against Omiyo's right arm (Omiyo was resting it on the right armrest of the armchair she sat in) as he purred, hoping to get Omiyo to pet him. Smiling kindly, the older Hyuga woman proceeded to gently scratch the top of the cat's head, which made the purring take on a content-sounding tone. "Mmm, that is just where I like being scratched," Pantherlily purred as his tail swished back and forth, making Omiyo giggle softly.

And so Omiyo enjoyed her return to the Hyuga clan estate, where she was surrounded by a loyal clan, talking pets, and most importantly of all, a loving family. Omiyo could not help but feel overly blessed to have so much; it was much more than what the older Hyuga woman could have ever asked for, but it was hers nonetheless.

Also, her son-in-law's the Hokage. If that's not worth some bragging rights, Omiyo doesn't know what is.

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Author's Notes:

(1) They found the outfit for Tenten at the first shop that they went to.

(2) Given the cost to make one, and the fact that you get one for free when you graduate from the local ninja academy, it's a relatively reasonable price for a ninja headband.

(3) Why _else_ do you think Haru is an only child?

Hinata's mother, much like the mothers of most of the characters from the series proper, hadn't been given a proper name, so I decided to cover that messy business. In retrospect, this isn't too much of a Thanksgiving-themed chapter, but I did manage to sneak a bit or two of the holiday in there. With that being said, I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Try not to fill up on bread rolls.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-five: Journey into Dream Land (AKA The one wherein Harold and the others get to be Dream Walkers)

One day in the village of Konohagakure, shortly after Thanksgiving week, Harold Fisher was at the local bar, where he had gotten together with his friends Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's talking ninja dog Kuromaru. "So dudes, tell me," Harold began as he picked up a mug of lager, "How did Black Friday treat you?"

"I did a mission where someone wanted some Konoha shinobi to handle their Black Friday shopping for them," Tsume explained, "I needed some of the money that was offered as a reward so that I could do my own holiday shopping later."

"Tsume killed twenty-seven people just to get a plasma-screen TV that the client wanted," Kuromaru stated, his tone sounding mildly disgusted. In a sarcastic tone, the Inuzuka ninja dog added, "Capitalism, ladies and gentlemen!"

"I actually didn't claim any lives, although I did use a kunai on a woman's hand that was reaching for a doll that I was going to get for Inohime," Inoichi explained.

"Yeah, I didn't kill anyone either," Harold added, "But then again I was with Inoichi at the time, and after he stabbed that woman's hand, some of the people crowding us ran away."

"Actually, they just ran to get some new toy that was just at that moment restocked," Inoichi pointed out, "None of those folks could have cared less about what I did, including the woman in question."

"Again, Capitalism at its finest," Kuromaru remarked in a snarky tone.

"Doesn't stuff like that make you proud to be a citizen of Konoha?" Tsume asked as she lifted her mug of lager to her mouth.

"It actually makes me weep for the future of mankind," Kuromaru said as he laid down on the floor at the base of Tsume's barstool.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Harold and company were walking over to Inoichi's place to play some pool. "You know, I've been meaning to ask this," Harold began as he and his friends walked, "How come the bar we go to doesn't have a pool table?"

"That's…actually a surprisingly good question," Kuromaru replied, "I mean, bars usually have pool tables, so the fact that the bar you guys regularly frequent lacks pool tables is rather curious."

"Well at least I have a pool table," Inoichi remarked in a somewhat bragging tone, "So we're covered."

"Hey, I just had a thought," Tsume said.

"What have I told you about having those, Tsume?" Kuromaru hissed.

"Now here me out," Tsume replied to her ninja dog. To the group as a whole, Tsume said, "What if…What if instead of the bar we usually go to getting a pool table, what if we install a bar in Inoichi's den? It'll be a one stop shop for lager AND pool! It's killing two birds with one stone!"

"…Huh," Kuromaru remarked in a mildly amazed-sounding tone as he looked up at Tsume, "And here I thought that you'd somehow try to restructure that saying so that it's cats who die instead of birds." (1)

"Holy frigg'en balls, that is genius!" Harold exclaimed.

"We're going to have to ask Michelle first if it's okay to turn the den into a bar," Inoichi remarked, "But I personally love the idea." And so, with renewed determination, Harold and company made haste towards Inoichi's place. When they walked through the front door, they stopped when they saw that a number of women were in the living room.

It wasn't just Inoichi's wife Michelle, either; Harold's wife Sophia was there, as well as Harold's little sister Mebuki, Harold's niece Sakura, and the various women that Sakura was friends with. Sakaki, Tsume's daughter-in-law, along with Sakaki's ninja cat Mayamaru, were also there as well. "…I don't have to join the women's meeting, do I?" Tsume asked in a concerned tone.

"There's something that we need Inoichi's help with," Michelle explained, "I mean, given that he's the best at Yamanaka clan techniques, he's most qualified."

"Whose brain do you want me to fry this time?" Inoichi asked casually.

"No, that's not what we need you to do," Michelle said, "It's…it's concerning some rather weird dreams that Inohime and Natsu have been having."

"Wait, Inohime's been having weird dreams?!" Inoichi exclaimed.

"Inohime and Natsu both," Hinata said, a look of concern on her face.

"Given that most of the dreams that Inohime and Natsu have been having seem to be connected in some way or another, we figure that there is something going on," Michelle went on, "Inoichi, you're the best at using Yamanaka clan techniques. You can use the Dream Scanner to journey into the dreams of the girls and figure out what's happening."

"Dream Scanner?" Harold repeated in a confused tone.

"Oh yeah, remember that one machine thing I used to read that one prisoner's mind back when that Pain dude tried to attack the village?" Inoichi said. After Harold and the others all nodded to show that they were following, Inoichi continued, "The Yamanaka clan has a similar machine that lets one go into peoples' dreams to see what's going on. It also lets us interact with dreams, but to a limited extent."

"Wait a minute, you have access to such a thing?!" Kuromaru exclaimed, instantly worried. (2)

"I can't use it alone," Inoichi explained, "Although it only needs one Yamanaka clan ninja to run the thing."

"What do you mean?" Harold asked.

"The Dream Scanner works in a similar manner to the aforementioned mind scanner machine used on the prisoner," Inoichi explained, "I can do all of the Yamanaka-related stuff on my own just fine. But the Dream Scanner has four helmets, meaning that four people are required in order to use it." With a slight grin, Inoichi added, "But three people and one large ninja dog will work just fine."

"No," Mebuki said instantly, "No, I know what you're thinking, and let me be the first to say that there is no way that you should be allowed to go through with it."

"What are you talking about, Mrs. Haruno?" Ino asked, a look of mild curiosity on her face.

"Your father plans to take Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru with him into the world of dreams," Mebuki explained, "Although I'm not worried about Kuromaru going."

"Mr. Yamanaka, please don't," Sakura said, "Can't you ask Mr. Nara and Mr. Akimichi to help instead?"

"I actually had Shikaku and Choza help me with such a task a while ago," Inoichi explained, "Along with Hiashi, who Choza recommended. All three of them said that they never want to go through with it again."

"Pfft, they're missing out," Harold remarked in a dismissive tone.

"Yeah, they're wimps," Tsume agreed.

"So, you three will help me?" Inoichi asked.

"Hey, the hell kind of a best friend would I be if I left you hanging, dude?" Harold replied, holding a fist out in front of Inoichi.

Smiling, Inoichi bumped a fist into Harold's out held fist while saying, "Thanks, Harold."

"So, it's just the girls who have been having these weird dreams?" Kuromaru asked.

"Yes, just Natsu and Inohime," Hinata replied with a nod.

"Ain't no case of weird dreams going to mess with either of my grandchildren and get away with it," Inoichi said as he pounded a fist into his hand, "It's on now!"

"You want us to help kick this weird dream thing in the ass?" Harold offered.

"You can conjure up whatever you're going to need once we're in the dream world," Inoichi explained, "So don't be afraid to go a little wild."

"Oh joy," Mebuki remarked in a dryly sarcastic tone, "There are going to be cans of lager littered all over the dreamscape by the time Harold and his friends are done."

* * *

That night at the Yamanaka clan-owned building, Inohime and Natsu had both gotten to sleep in separate beds in a room where the Dream Scanner was located. The women who had gathered in Inoichi and Michelle's living room earlier had gathered to watch as Inoichi, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru (who was helped by Tsume before she took care of herself) put the helmets of the Dream Scanner on, put the helmet straps on under their chins so that the helmets don't fall off, and get the machine going.

"Remember, ladies," Inoichi said to Michelle and the other women, "You're going to have to be quiet. We can't go into a person's dream if they aren't asleep, and if we're in a person's dream as that person's woken up, we'll get thrusted out in a very violent manner."

"I already told the girls about everything they'll need to know," Michelle said to her husband, "You want I should turn on the machine for you?"

"If you would be so kind, dear," Inoichi replied.

As Michelle walked over to flip a switch to activate the Dream Scanner, Inoichi said to his friends, "Alright, boys! You ready?"

"Hell yeah!" Harold replied.

"Hell yeah!" Tsume declared.

"Hell no!" Kuromaru said.

After hearing the familiar 'click' of a switch on the machine being flipped, Inoichi exclaimed, "Here we go, boys! Hold on to your underwear!"

As various lights on the machine started turning on, Mebuki leaned to Sophia and whispered, "I can't believe that Inoichi's taking my brother and the rest of the idiot brigade with him into the dreamscape."

"You need to have more faith in Harold and the others," Sophia remarked.

* * *

After his vision returned to him, Harold saw that he was floating in a blank space of white. When he turned to his side, he saw Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru floating next to him. "Welcome to the dreamscape, dudes," Inoichi said to the others as he gestured around. Harold held up a hand and looked at it, as if he were concentrating.

"…How come I can't conjure up a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager like you said I could?" Harold asked.

"You first have to go into a dream before you can actually conjure something up," Inoichi explained, "Trust me, it sucks."

"So what the hell are those?" Tsume asked as she pointed ahead of the group. They could see the images of two beds with thought bubbles over them about ten feet or so away; there were a number of other such beds in the distance, but the two beds that were ten feet away held Inohime and Natsu respectively.

"Those are dreams that we can get into," Inoichi explained, "The closer a dream is to us, the closer the person having the dream is to us in real life."

"Let's try Inohime's dream first," Harold suggested.

Floating over to the representation of Inohime's dream, Inoichi said as he laid a hand on the thought bubble coming from the dream, "To enter a dream, lay your hand on the thought bubble part. Or lay a paw, in Kuromaru's case." Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru all floated over and laid one hand each (or a paw in Kuromaru's case) on the thought bubble. Before any of them knew it, they were sucked into the dream world of a four-year-old girl.

"Hoo boy, I bet this is going to go oh so well!" Tsume shouted in a dry monotone; the reason why she was shouting was because she was not expecting to be sucked into the dream so suddenly and roughly.

* * *

After his vision returned to him once again, Harold saw that he and his friends had landed in on a dirt road that was a light yellowish in color. There were healthy green hills around the place, and a hamlet could be seen over in the distance; a large, icy-blue castle could be seen in the center of the hamlet. "…Why does this dream world look like you can buy it at a store for nineteen-ninety-nine plus tax?" Harold remarked.

"A person's dreamscape is influence by their likes, wants and desires," Inoichi explained, "Hence why Elsa's ice castle is located in the center of Ponyville."

At that moment, a police cruiser pulled up next to Harold and company. The driver side door opened, and out of the police cruiser came Judy Hopps. Walking up to Harold and company, Judy said, "Okay folks, I'm going to need to see some ID from all of you."

"Of course, officer," Inoichi replied as he, Harold and Tsume all got some ID cards out and handed them to the bunny cop. After looking at the ID cards, Judy handed them back to their respective owners.

To Inoichi, Judy said, "Say, you look familiar."

"I do?" Inoichi asked, looking mildly confused.

"Yeah, yeah now I recognize you!" Judy said in a tone of realization, "You're Princess Yummycake's grandpa, aren't you?"

"Yummycake?" Tsume repeated in a confused tone.

"Inoichi's granddaughter must be dreaming that she's a princess," Harold said to Tsume.

To Inoichi, Judy said, "Some strange guy in a red and blue costume has been a real big meanie towards Princess Yummycake as of late. I don't suppose that you would care to lend a hand in catching this doo-doo head, would you?"

"What kind of a grandpa would I be if I said no?" Inoichi replied, "Lead the way, officer!"

"I can give you guys a ride to Ponyville in my police cruiser," Judy said as she jerked a thumb over her shoulder. With a quick, concerned-looking glance at Kuromaru, the bunny cop asked, "Is that dog with you three?"

"Yes, Kuromaru is with us," Tsume replied as she patted her ninja dog on the back.

"…Ehh, we'll figure out how to make this work," Judy replied with a shrug.

After a minute or so, Harold and company arrived in town, near the base of Elsa's castle. As everyone got out of the police cruiser, someone landed on the roof of it. Turning around, Harold and company saw that it was Spider-Man. "Wait, the guy in a red and blue costume is Spider-Man?!" Harold exclaimed.

"Get back here, meanie!" a young adult woman's voice shouted, followed by a flurry of icy magic flying at Spider-Man. As the web slinger dodged the attack, Queen Elsa came running out of her castle, throwing more of that ice magic at Spider-Man.

"What's with all of the childish insults?" Tsume asked.

"Uhh, we're in the dream of a four-year-old girl," Kuromaru pointed out.

"I have an idea!" Inoichi declared suddenly. Holding up both hands, Inoichi concentrated hard until a light blue cannon with pink wheels appeared in his hands. Aiming the cannon at Spider-Man, Inoichi mounted the cannon on his shoulder as if it were a rocket launcher, then pounded the cannon's side with his fist, causing it to fire at Spider-Man. When a blast of streamers and confetti hit Spider-Man, he was caught off guard and fell to the ground.

"Officer! Arrest that superhero!" Harold exclaimed Judy as he pointed at Spider-Man.

"Alright, doo-doo head," Judy as she walked up to Spider-Man, "You're under arrest for being a big old meanie-pants to the princess."

"Like hell I am!" Spider-Man shouted as he suddenly leapt up into the air and disappeared.

"You aren't supposed to say words like that!" Judy shouted at the space in the air where Spider-Man was, "Words like that are naughty!" After everything settled down, Judy turned to face Harold and company.

"A shame I couldn't catch that meanie and make him sit on the scary stool of you're in so much trouble," Judy said, "But he's gone now, and I doubt that he'll come back."

"Well our work here is done," Inoichi said as he dusted his hands off, "I'm afraid that my friends and I must be off now. Can you do me a favor and tell my granddaughter that I said hi?"

"Can do, sir," Judy said as she saluted Inoichi. With that, Harold and company floated up into the air and disappeared from the dream world.

* * *

Back in the dreamscape, Harold and company flew out of the thought bubble of Inohime's dream. "Well then, that was certainly something," Harold remarked as he dusted his hands off.

"There was so much girlishness and childish name-calling," Tsume said as she shuddered in disgust.

"Like I said, it was the dream world of a four-year-old girl," Kuromaru said to the Inuzuka matriarch, "What did you expect?"

Turning to face Natsu's dream in the dreamscape, Harold said, "Well then, let's take care of what's wrong in the dream world of Lord Sixth's kid, shall we?"

"Oh god," Tsume said in a tone of complaint, "As if entering the dream world of Inoichi's granddaughter was bad enough, now we have to go into the dream world of Lord Sixth's kid!"

"Oh come on, Tsume," Inoichi said, "How bad could it be?"

"CATS," Tsume stressed in disgust, "Cat everywhere. Cat this, cat that. Hiashi's granddaughter is not a normal human being."

"You also say that your ex-husband is not a normal human being, and yet you've been patching things up with him as of late," Kuromaru pointed out.

"Banyo may be insane but he still deserves to have contact with Kiba and the rest of the family!" Tsume said.

"Come on boys, let's not keep Lord Sixth's daughter waiting," Inoichi said as he led the rest of the group into Natsu's dream world.

* * *

After a few seconds, Harold and company landed in Natsu's dream world. As the older ninjas and Kuromaru found footing, Inoichi looked around as saw that they were in a forest. The trees were far enough apart from each other so that a horde of large animals could stampede through the forest without knocking into any of the trees. Additionally, the forest was nowhere near as bright and pastel-like as the hills and hamlet back in Inohime's dream. "Well, I'll give the girl points for not having a dream that actively tries to give me diabetes," Tsume remarked aloud.

"This forest…" Kuromaru remarked, "…It looks like a place where you can fight enemies in RPG-type video games."

"So what, we might get attack by, like, a goblin or something?" Harold asked.

"Or the Green Goblin," Inoichi remarked. As the rest of the group turned to face Inoichi, the Yamanaka patriarch said, "Think about it. Spider-Man harassed my granddaughter's dreams. Who else could it be that attacks Hiashi's granddaughter's dreams?"

"I think that you make an excellent-" Harold said, but he was cut off by a roar that sounded from the skies.

The group looked up into the sky, and to their shock they saw two dragons overhead. "Dragons?! Hiashi's granddaughter's dream world has frigg'en DRAGONS?!" Harold exclaimed, clearly alarmed and frightened.

"Wait…" Inoichi said as he squinted to look at the two dragons, "I think that black dragon is Toothless from those 'How to train your Dragon' cartoons. As for that blue one with the red wings, I'm totally lost."

"There, on the ground!" a voice called up from where the dragons were flying, "There are lost travelers! Salamence and Toothless, land!"

Looking down at Harold and company, the two dragons roared out as they slowly came down from the sky. The two dragons landed about fifteen feet away from the group; a rider got off of the blue dragon with red wings and approached Harold and company. To the group's confusion (and Tsume's mild annoyance), the rider of the dragon was an anthropomorphic cat wearing blue samurai armor.

The older ninja also noticed that the samurai cat had two tails, each with a small yellow flame-like symbol at the end. "…Is that a cat with two tails?" Harold asked in confusion.

"The proper term is nekomata," Kuromaru replied, "Although I had no idea that nekomata could be samurai."

"Greeting travelers," the samurai nekomata greeted, "Have you become lost in the woods? I am on patrol right now, and part of the job requires that I escort lost travelers I find in the forest back to town, assuming they want the help."

"…Who are you?" Harold asked as competently as he could; he was still partly reeling from the shock of a talking nekomata in samurai armor.

"Ah, apologizes for not introducing myself earlier," the samurai nekomata replied, "I am Shogunyan, the legendary yo-kai." Turning around to gesture to the two dragons, Shogunyan said, "The black dragon that is behind me is known as Toothless, whereas the blue dragon with red wings is known as Salamence." As the two dragons were introduced, they both roared out.

To Inoichi, Tsume whispered, "Okay, even with the cat, Hiashi's granddaughter's dream world is loads cooler than your granddaughter's dream world."

"Oh now you're just being mean," Inoichi whispered back.

Taking a step forward towards Shogunyan, Harold said, "Mighty and noble cat samurai dude, my friends and I do in fact seek escort to town. Will you help us?"

"Wait, we're letting him take us somewhere?!" Tsume asked.

"I figure that we'll find what we're looking for if we get to town," Harold explained.

"He's got a point," Inoichi agreed, and Kuromaru nodded along with the Yamanaka patriarch.

"Yeah, you got me there," Tsume replied.

Turning back around to face Shogunyan, Harold said, "My three companions and I will be glad to take you up on your offer for an escort to town."

After looking over the group, Shogunyan said, "It would take too long to get to town on foot, and Toothless and Salamence can only hold two passengers each."

"So one of us is going to have to huff it?" Inoichi asked.

Pulling an amulet with a large wolf fang charm out from the neck hole in his armor, Shogunyan said, "Worry not. I shall summon an ally whom can be used as a mount." Raising the wolf fang charm of the amulet up as high as he could, Shogunyan exclaimed as the fang began to glow, "Come to me, Fenrir! I summon you!" Within one second, the group could hear the pounding of paws belonging to an incredibly large mammalian entity. Five seconds after the sound started, a large wolf with multiple tails appeared within eyesight, making Harold and the others scream.

"Worry not," Shogunyan said to the humans, "Fenrir is a loyal servant of Daimyo Natsu. He shall not harm innocents such as you lot."

"Wait, Hiashi's granddaughter is a Daimyo in this dream world?" Harold whispered to Inoichi.

"Well my granddaughter was a princess in her dream world," Inoichi whispered back.

When Fenrir pulled up to the scene, Tsume looked at it and exclaimed, "Woah ho! I call dibs on riding the wolf!"

"Actually, I was aiming for Fenrir to serve as a mount for your group's canine," said Shogunyan, "I have some rope to tie the canine to Fenrir so it doesn't fall off during the ride."

Looking disappointed, Tsume said, "Oh alright."

* * *

After a short time spent traveling, Harold and company arrived in a large town where the buildings resembled traditional-looking Japanese architecture. (3) "So what sort of problem are you facing?" Harold asked as he and company got off of the dragons (Tsume went over to Fenrir to untie Kuromaru).

"A kumo-oni has been terrorizing the countryside as of late," Shogunyan explained. (4)

"Kumo-oni?" Inoichi repeated in a confused tone.

Nodding in the affirmative, Shogunyan continued, "Word has reached us as of late that the kumo-oni might have formed an alliance of sort with the troll who resides in a cave in the wilds west of town."

"Troll? What troll?" Kuromaru asked.

"A big, evil monster who has a vendetta against all cats for no apparent reason other than the fact that they're cats," Shogunyan explained, "The daimyo is rather frightened of the troll."

"Heh," Kuromaru snickered, "This troll of which you speak sounds rather familiar." Looking up at Tsume, Kuromaru said, "Don't you agree?"

"I don't like where this is going…" Tsume said in a suspicious tone.

"You want we should help kill the troll and beat up this kuro-oboe dude?" Harold asked.

"Kumo-oni," Shogunyan corrected, "And if you are willing to lend aid against the monsters, then we will be glad to accept it."

Sighing in a resigned tone, Kuromaru said, "I'm ready to be tied back down to the giant wolf's back whenever we're ready to head out."

* * *

And so, Harold and company, riding two dragons and a large wolf with multiple tails, ventured out to the caves that Shogunyan spoke of. When they got there, Shogunyan said as everyone dismounted, "The troll and the kumo-oni could be close. We must be cautious."

Looking at the opening of the cave, Harold whistled and said, "Boy, this sure looks like the entrance to the lair of a boss enemy in video games." Pointing to either side of the cave entrance, Harold said, "Look, you can even see piles of skulls on either side of the cave entrance." Walking up a few steps, Kuromaru stopped when he got close enough to identify what kind of skulls they were.

"…Those are cat skulls," Kuromaru said, "I've seen the cat biology poster in Hana's office enough times to know that." (5)

"Evidence of the troll's violent disposition towards the feline persuasion," Shogunyan declared as he stepped forward towards the cave, "Come, we must see if the kumo-oni and the troll are here."

As the group ventured into the cave, Harold said, "Hey, I've been meaning to ask. What does this troll guy look like?"

"The troll is actually female, if what I have heard is correct," Shogunyan explained, "The troll has-" The nekomata samurai was cut off when a loud shouting could be heard from a distance away. Peering in the direction the shouting came from, Harold and company saw the troll running up. As Shogunyan said, the troll was female; she had spiky, long brown hair and red facial markings that resembled fangs. She was also ten feet tall, had olive-green skin, wore dark brown clothing resembling that of a caveman, and a necklace that had the skulls of cats as charms.

"It's the evil troll!" Shogunyan exclaimed. Getting close enough, the troll stopped a few feet from the group and shouted angrily at them.

"…What the hell is this?" Tsume asked, clearly looking annoyed (and slightly pissed). It took all of the self-control that Kuromaru had for him to NOT start laughing his ass off; he was constantly snorting back laughter the instant the troll got close enough for the group to get a good look at it.

Pulling his sword out from its scabbard, Shogunyan exclaimed, "We must slay the evil troll!"

"Yes, yes, fight the troll," a familiar voice called out, getting Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru to turn to see that Spider-Man was leaning against the one side of the cave.

"Spider-Man!" Harold exclaimed as he pointed accusingly at the web-slinger.

"I'll bet that he's the same Spider-Man who attacked Inohime's dream world," Inoichi added as he joined Harold in standing in opposition to Spider-Man.

"Indeed I am," Spider-Man replied causally, "I figured that if I used Yamanaka clan mind devices that I stole, I could get the information I seek."

"You stole from my clan?!" Inoichi snapped, "You son of a-"

"Information? What information?" asked Kuromaru as he and the others paid no attention as Toothless and Salamence, who had just flown into the cave, flew past them to where Shogunyan was fighting the troll (presumably).

"If I couldn't get the information I seek in the real world, then I assumed I could find out using Yamanaka clan mind devices to get into people's heads and take the information that way," Spider-Man replied.

"That doesn't really answer Kuromaru's question, though," Harold replied, "What information are you seeking?"

Chuckling to himself, Spider-Man said, "What business do I have with talking to a guy who believes that some brand of lager is a gift from God?"

"Pape Konoha's Brand Lager _**IS**_ a gift from God!" Harold snapped.

Conjuring up an RPG-7, Tsume aimed it at Spider-Man and said, "Okay boys, how do you want your web-slinger served up? Ludicrous gibs or not enough to bury?"

"Whichever one is the most fun," Inoichi replied, drawing a nod of agreement from Harold.

"Ludicrous gibs it is!" Tsume exclaimed as she took aim and fired at Spider-Man, only for him to leap into the air to dodge the attack.

"Well then, it seems that my time here should be cut short," Spider-Man said as he faded away, "Ta-ta for now, my worthy adversaries."

After Spider-Man was gone, Harold and the others stood where they were as they stared at the open air where the web-slinger used to float. "You banished the kumo-oni?!" Shogunyan said to the group as he walked up, "Huzza! We are victorious!"

"Wait, what about the troll?" Harold asked.

"Yeah," Tsume said in a suspicious and annoyed-sounding tone, "What about the troll?"

"Oh, Toothless and Salamence flew in and helped me slay the beast," Shogunyan explained, "So not only is the kumo-oni banished, but the troll has been slain!"

To Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru, Inoichi said, "Well now that we helped fix things here, we should get going." And with that, the three ninja and one ninja dog vanished.

Mildly startled, Shogunyan said, "Hey, where did you all go?"

* * *

After exiting Natsu's dream world, Harold and company were back in the white space. "So Spider-Man is responsible for Inoichi's granddaughter and Hiashi's granddaughter having messed up dreams?" Kuromaru asked.

"Hmph," Tsume said as she folded her arms, "That last dream world was totally messed up. Stupid troll."

"And he said that he sought information that he couldn't get in real life," Inoichi continued, "And that he wouldn't talk to Harold because of how much Harold loves Pape Konoha's…OH DAMN! I just figured out something!"

"What is it, dude?" Harold asked.

"We'll discuss it back in the real world," Inoichi explained, "Let's get back to reality!" After a few seconds of concentration, Harold and company all woke up from using the Dream Scanner. As Harold and company got themselves out, the women that were waiting in the room came up to them.

"So how did it go?" Michelle asked.

"The boys and I discovered that the reason why Inohime and Natsu have been having weird dreams is because someone stole Yamanaka clan mind devices to screw with their dreams," Inoichi replied, "The person responsible took the form of Spider-Man in the girls' dreams."

"Spider-Man?!" Mebuki said incredulously, "Are you serious?"

Nodding in the affirmative, Inoichi continued, "Additionally, due to what the boys and I heard Spider-Man say, I have a reasonable idea on who the real identity of the person is."

"I swear that if you say Peter Parker, I will kick your ass!" Mebuki swore at Inoichi.

"No, sis," Harold remarked, "It's not Peter Parker. Everyone knows that Peter Parker would never survive being in a land populated by dragons."

"The hell are you talking about?!" Mebuki replied, looking genuinely confused.

"That's not the point," Inoichi said as he pounded a fist into his hand, "The point is that someone was using the guise of Spider-Man to mess with the dreams of two innocent young girls, and that I know who the bastard is."

* * *

In a warehouse located somewhere in Konoha, people dressed as scientists were walking around a make-shift lab that had some fancy machinery. One such machine looked like one of the Yamanaka clan's mind devices, which was currently being used by someone. As some of the scientists were looking at a monitor screen to record some numbers, a door was busted down, startling the scientists; immediately after the door fell down, over twenty or so Konoha shinobi, mostly jonin, swarmed into the lab.

The Konoha shinobi that lead the group that had swarmed into the warehouse, Sasuke Uchiha, was shouting at the scientists to get down and not resist arrest; this startled the scientist that was using the mind device, making him remove the helmet that he was wearing that was attached to the machine, thus revealing him to be Katasuke, the morally-questionable head of Konoha's 'boys from development'. "What reason do you have for interrupting our research?!" Katasuke shouted at the Konoha shinobi.

"The boys and I would be the reason," Inoichi said as he, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru stepped forward. Pointing to the mind device Katasuke was using, Inoichi said, "That there is Yamanaka clan property, you son of a bitch!"

"Seriously, you think that a bastard like Katasuke would be in jail after he took Tsume, her friends and I hostage and made prostitutes throw themselves at Harold and Inoichi, even though neither of them wanted it," Kuromaru remarked.

"I have VERY good lawyers," Katasuke replied casually and with a hint of smugness, "As the head scientist of a research company, having lawyers is a good idea."

"Let's see how good those lawyers of yours are once word gets out that you used property stolen from the Yamanaka clan to mess with two underage girls," Sasuke said as he forcefully put handcuffs on Katasuke and then forcefully dragged the scientist out of the warehouse.

As the other Konoha shinobi proceeded to round up the other scientists, Harold dusted his hands as he said to his friends, "Okay boys, looks like our job here is done."

"I wonder if Lord Sixth will let me punch Katasuke in the face," Inoichi remarked, "I mean, the bastard _DID_ mess with one of my grandchildren. I want vengeance."

"Given that the other kid that was messed with is Lord Sixth's kid, you'll probably have to wait your turn to punch that scientist bastard in the face," Kuromaru said.

"Ah, you raise a good point," Inoichi commended.

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Author's Notes:

(1) Given that it's Tsume, one couldn't be blamed for making such an assumption.

(2) And for good reason, too!

(3) I don't know how else to describe it.

(4) If what the internet told me is accurate, 'kumo-oni' roughly translate to 'spider demon'.

(5) Hana Inuzuka is a veterinarian, remember?

Well here's chapter twenty-five for you. I'm toying around with the idea of making Katasuke something of a recurring antagonist for Harold and company to face from time to time. I'm not quite sure what else the man can do, though...


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-six: Kiba and Neji's excellent adventure (AKA Fire-Forged Friends are often the ones you can trust the most)

It was and early December morning one day in the village of Konohagakure when Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka, Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's talking ninja dog Kuromaru went to the Hokage office building to report to the current Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki. Recently, a scroll belonging to Konoha's Nara clan was stolen by some thieves hoping to extort the Nara clan; this scroll, about the size of those small blank scrolls that children in the Ninja Academy use for practice, (1) is of great importance to the Nara. It is especially needed, what with Christmas approaching.

Harold and his friends had volunteered to get the scroll back, despite some worries others had about their ability to get the job done without making a scene. Surprisingly, Harold and his friends pulled the mission off without a hitch. As the thieves who stole the scroll were arrested and brought in for questioning, Harold and company reported to Naruto, to give him their report on the mission.

"…So the four of you snuck into the thieves' base of operations," Naruto began as he glanced from a paper report he was holding to Harold and company.

"That is correct, Lord Sixth," Harold said with a nod.

"…Disguised as housekeeping?" Naruto read from the report in a questioning tone.

"Hey, if the thieves were dumb enough to think that Harold and Inoichi dressed as Latino maids are actually women, I'm quite frankly surprised that they were actually able to steal the Nara clan scroll in the first place," Kuromaru remarked.

"Fair enough," Naruto replied, "I'm just glad that you all decided to change back into regular outfits before reporting to me." Looking at the report again, Naruto continued, "It says here that you were able to smuggle the Nara clan scroll out of the thieves' base of operations without them being aware you even had it."

"The boys here and I have been pulling off such daring ventures since before you were born, Lord Sixth," Inoichi replied.

"That doesn't surprise me," Naruto said. Holding out a hand, Naruto added, "I'll just need to get the Nara clan scroll from you so I can call Shikamaru to have him come pick it up. Where is it?"

At that moment, one of the three older ninjas let out a loud fart; near instantly after that fart, a full-grown reindeer seeming flew out of Tsume's rear end. The reindeer, crying out in a freaked-out tone, went stampeding out of Naruto's office (the door was wide open), down the stairs, through the first floor lobby, and out the front door of the Hokage office building. Naruto just starred at the three older ninja with a wide-eyed look of disbelief. "…Mrs. Inuzuka, did you just fart a reindeer?" Naruto asked, dumbfounded.

"…Must have been something that I ate," Tsume replied with a sheepish grin.

* * *

That evening over at the Inuzuka clan compound, in the house where Kiba and his family live, Kiba was sitting at the kitchen table with his son Bankai. "…And that's how Grandpa Banyo won first place in that funny home video contest on TV last week," Bankai said to his father as he wrapped up a story he was telling. Bankai's ninja dog companion, Rojomaru, was sitting on the floor next to the chair Bankai sat in; when Bankai finished his tale, Rojomaru gave a woof.

"Yeah, your Grandma Tsume said that the only thing cats are good for are being the stars of funny short videos," Kiba remarked. After taking a sip from a can of soda he was drinking, Kiba continued, "Speaking of, what did your mom say about your Grandma Tsume again?"

"Oh, mom told me that she got a call from Konoha General," Bankai explained, "Mom wouldn't tell me what happened, but I did notice the look of disgust on her face. I also heard her muttering about having to apologize to Shikaru's dad."

As he picked up his can of soda again, Kiba said, "I'm probably going to hear about it anyway, but something tells me that I may not want to know." As Kiba took a sip from his soda can, his wife Sakaki, plus Sakaki's ninja cat partner Mayamaru, came running into the kitchen area.

"Kiba! This is bad!" Sakaki exclaimed, the look on her face suggesting that she was about to start crying at any moment.

"What happened?" Kiba asked in an immediately alarmed tone, "Did the hospital call and say that ma died?"

"Mama Tsume's going to be fine," Sakaki explained, "She's just getting something removed from some place that I'd rather not talk about in front of our son." (2)

"So if it's not ma in some sort of trouble, then what is it?" Kiba asked.

"I'm afraid it's Akamaru, Kiba," Mayamaru replied with a somber expression, "Sakaki and I found him lying on the floor in the laundry room, not moving or breathing." More alarmed than before, Kiba swore under his breath as he ran to the laundry room with Sakaki as he told Bankai and the ninja pets to wait outside in the living room.

* * *

The next morning, a number of folks had gathered at the Inuzuka clan compound. When Harold and his wife Sophia showed up, the Fisher patriarch was saddened to see a large framed photo of Kiba's ninja dog on an easel; the photo was adorned with ribbons. "…So what Tsume told me over the phone as she was recovering in Konoha General is true," Harold remarked in a tone that does not befit a man of his general attitude, "Kiba's ninja dog died."

"It's very sad," Sophia agreed with a nod, "I bet Kiba's taking this really hard."

"If only Akamaru was a talking ninja dog, same as Kuromaru," Harold remarked somberly, "The talking ninja dogs not only live much longer than the non-talking ones, but they also retain their youth much longer as well."

"It's part of why Kiba, when he first got Akamaru, tried to teach him to speak," Kuromaru said as he walked up to the Fishers; Tsume, who was coming up with Kuromaru, seemed like she was feeling somewhat sore in a particular area.

"It sucks that Akamaru's dead," Tsume remarked, "Even more so considering the fact that Akamaru's death is the first thing I hear about after I had spent the previous hour beforehand being yelled at over the phone by Yoshino Nara. I'm sorry Yoshino, but how _else_ were the boys and I going to sneak your clan's scroll out of the thieves' base of operations?!"

As Tsume and Kuromaru were talking to the Fishers, Inoichi came walking up with his wife Michelle. "Hey Tsume," Inoichi said, "I heard about the loss that your clan had just suffered, and I would like to offer my condolences."

"It's a very terrible thing to have happen," Michelle said, "I'm very sorry. A loss in the family is always hard."

Nodding in acknowledgment of the well-wishes, Tsume replied, "I'm glad that you all remember how much us Inuzuka clan ninja value our ninja dog partners. "

"I know very little about how the Inuzuka clan manages the affair of managing the affairs of their dead, so I'm curious," Sophia said, "What do you all plan to do with Akamaru?"

"As per the traditions of the Inuzuka clan, Akamaru will be cremated," Kuromaru began, "His ashes will then be carried to a valley that's sacred to the Inuzuka, called Inuzuka Valley, where they will all be scattered."

"Who will be taking the ashes to the valley?" Michelle asked.

"Inuzuka clan tradition says that it's supposed to be the ninja who was partnered with the deceased ninja dog," Kuromaru explained, "Unless the ninja in question is physically incapable of making the trip on foot, like if they're recovering from a broken leg at the time, or they're bound to a wheelchair, or something else along those lines. In that case, another Inuzuka clan member makes the trip for them."

"Since my son is perfectly able, he'll be carrying the urn that Akamaru's ashes will be stored in to Inuzuka Valley," Tsume said.

"Wow, I wasn't aware that the Inuzuka clan had such intricate traditions in regards to honoring their dead," Michelle said.

"This only applies to dead ninja dogs, though," Kuromaru pointed out, "You don't wanna know how the average Inuzuka clan member deals with dead cats unless someone is there to vouch for the deceased feline." (3)

"Is there anything else in regards to the Inuzuka clan's tradition of honoring their dead ninja dogs?" Sophia asked.

"The ninja who was partnered with the dead ninja dog can choose to have a friend of theirs-and it has to be a friend, no family members- accompany them on the trek to Inuzuka Valley," Tsume explained, "Inuzuka clan tradition specifically states that if the Inuzuka ninja in question elects to bring a friend, the friend they bring has to be human."

"If the Inuzuka ninja whose ninja dog died is physically incapable of making the trek, the Inuzuka ninja who makes the trip for them can choose to bring a friend to accompany them," Kuromaru added, "But they're also restricted to the same choice of having to pick a human companion. As a side note, the Inuzuka clan has a separate method of honoring the regular dogs that they own who died, (4) but the end result is the same as for ninja dogs; the ashes of the deceased are scattered all over Inuzuka Valley."

"…Wow, I think I made something of an understatement when I said that the Inuzuka clan has an intricate tradition for honoring their dead ninja dogs," Michelle said.

"Tsume once made the trek in place of an Inuzuka ninja who busted their knee and as such couldn't walk for a few weeks," Inoichi stated.

"Oh yeah," Tsume remarked, "I remember that. Yeah, as I couldn't bring Kuromaru with me, I was able to bring along both Inoichi and Harold, as it wouldn't feel right unless there was a trio."

As both Harold and Inoichi nodded, Sophia asked, "So Tsume, did Kiba say who he was planning to ask to accompany him to Inuzuka Valley?"

"Ehh, he'll probably ask one of the guys he's friends with," Tsume replied, "Like Shino or Shikamaru or Choji or Sasuke or Lord Sixth." Over a way, the older folks heard some shouting.

"…The hell is that?" Harold asked aloud as he and the others went to investigate.

What they saw got their attention; Kiba and Neji were having an argument for some reason.

"Your wife is fat!" Kiba snapped.

"Your dog is dead!" Neji snapped back.

"Your cousin married an idiot!" Kiba yelled.

"Your mother _is_ an idiot!" Neji shouted.

"Your hair makes you look girly!" Kiba declared.

"Your hair makes you look homeless!" Neji stated loudly.

"Screw you!" Kiba hissed.

"Screw you!" Neji hissed back.

"Just kiss already!" Tenten could be heard shouting from a way over; turning their attention, Kiba and Neji saw Tenten standing with Sakaki and Mayamaru, with the former not being able to help but laugh at what Tenten shouted at the two arguing ninja.

"The hell got up the respective butts of you two?" Tsume asked as she and the others who she was talking with approached Kiba and Neji.

Pointing to the cadet branch Hyuga, Kiba said, "Rapunzel here had the nerve to call into question all of the trouble that us Inuzuka clan ninja go through to honor our ninja dogs who die!"

"I just don't see why anyone would bother going through such pomp and circumstance for a pet," Neji replied, "The Hyuga certainly doesn't go through so much trouble for our dead pets."

"The Hyuga clan barred the ownership of pets up until very recently," Kiba pointed out, "So of course you wouldn't understand."

"Now hold up there, boys," Harold said as he cut in. Getting the attention of both Kiba and Neji, Harold said, "Now look. Neji, Kiba and his clan hold their traditions just as highly as you and the Hyuga hold yours. Questioning the process that Inuzuka ninja go through to honor their dogs who die is kind of a dick move." Turning to face Kiba before the Inuzuka man was able to speak, Harold continued, "And Kiba, I know that it's very irritating for someone to call your clan's customs into question. But that's no reason to make fun of Neji's girly hair."

"What I want to know is how he manages to get so much luster into his hair," Tenten muttered, "It's rather embarrassing when your husband has more beautiful hair than you." As Kiba and Neji looked at each other after having taking in what Harold said, the two of them held out a hand to each other to shake hands.

"We cool?" Neji asked.

"…Frosty," Kiba replied with something of an amused smirk.

"Oh, seeing two people make up after an argument really does prove that friendship is magic!" Inoichi declared.

"Hey, speaking of being friends," Kiba began, "Neji, I don't suppose that you would mind accompanying me to Inuzuka Valley so I can scatter Akamaru's ashes there, would you?"

"I wouldn't mind that at all," Neji replied, "Besides which, I'd like to learn more about your clan's customs. Now that I think about it, the customs and traditions of the Inuzuka are just as complex as those of the Hyuga."

"The way that the Inuzuka clan honors dead cats isn't all that complex," Kuromaru remarked, "Or respectful, for that matter."

* * *

After the ceremony honoring Akamaru, Kiba and Neji walked out of the front entry gate of the village of Konohagakure; Kiba had a tightly sealed metal urn in the backpack that he had slung over his back. After walking about a quarter of a mile straight on the road leading out of the village, Kiba promptly turned right and started walking westward as straight as possible. "This is the quickest, most direct way to get to Inuzuka Valley," Kiba explained.

"I see," Neji replied, "Have you made this trip once before?"

"Twice, actually," Kiba answered, "The first time was when ma brought me along when she accompanied a friend whose ninja dog was killed saving the child of a Konoha citizen family from a burning building. The second time I was asked by an Inuzuka clan member who was bedridden with a very bad case of the flu to scatter their ninja dog's ashes for them. I asked my ma's aforementioned friend to accompany me, partly because I was somewhat unsure of how to get to Inuzuka valley."

"Do you remember how to get to Inuzuka Valley now?" Neji asked, mildly concerned by the last bit that Kiba said. Reaching into his rear right pocket, Kiba pulled out and unfolded a map.

"Hana gave me this map that will show us the way," Kiba replied, "We aren't going to get lost like idiots."

After Kiba folded the map back up and putting it back into his right rear pocket, Neji said, "Well okay, then."

* * *

As Kiba and Neji made their way to Inuzuka Valley, Kiba said, "Hey Neji, I've been meaning to ask you something."

"About what, Kiba?" Neji replied.

"Well first you gotta promise that you won't take it the wrong way," Kiba began, "My question concerns your clan."

"Well I'd be the world's biggest hypocrite if I saw no problem with questioning something someone else's clan does while at the same time getting highly offended when something that _my_ clan does is called into question," Neji replied, "Go ahead and ask your question, Kiba."

"Why does one part of your clan celebrate Hanukkah while the other part celebrates Christmas?" Kiba asked, "I mean, the Hyuga clan is the only clan in Konoha that does that."

"Well the Hyuga clan is the only clan in Konoha where all of the members aren't exclusively belonging to one religion," Neji explained, "You know that the main branch is Jewish whereas the cadet branch is Christian, right?" After Kiba nodded, Neji continued, "Well it wasn't always like that."

"What do you mean?" Kiba asked.

"Well sometime before Lord Hiashi and my late father were born, the Hyuga clan was entirely Jewish," Neji explained, "However, dissatisfaction with how the main branch was running the Hyuga, coupled with steadily increasing personal dislike for the main branch, led one cadet branch Hyuga to convert to Christianity. The main branch of the Hyuga clan was prevented from punishing the cadet branch member who converted due to Konoha having religious protection laws. Because of this, every other cadet branch Hyuga saw religious conversion as a form of defying the main branch. More importantly, this defying of the main branch was protected by village law."

"So the cadet branch changed religions because they saw it as a way to give the main branch a big middle finger and totally get away with it?" Kiba asked.

"That's…" Neji replied at length, "…One way to put it, I guess."

"Man, all this talk about religion reminds me of that murderous psychopath who killed Asuma-sensei back when you, me and the rest of our friends were in our mid to late teens," Kiba remarked, "Didn't that bastard belong to some crazy killing cult or some other bullcrap like that?"

"I actually did some research about that supposed religion shortly after Asuma-sensei's funeral," Neji replied, "I believe that it's called Jashinism."

"Yeah, that," Kiba said, "I wonder if they have any holidays."

"Well they celebrate Halloween, same as anyone else," Neji stated, "But the way that they celebrate it is…well…you don't want to know." (5)

"Well _I_ would certainly like to hear the two of you continue," a mysterious voice called out, "The two of you talking to each other gives me time to set up killing you both."

"The hell was that?!" Kiba exclaimed, partly alarmed. Activating his Byakugan, Neji looked around and saw a dozen or so bandits hiding behind the surrounding trees.

"I can see you all," Neji called out, "Come out and face us now."

"Ah hell," said the first bandit who came out of hiding, who just so happened to have been the same one who called out at first. As they were coming out of hiding, the bandits surrounded Kiba and Neji. Seeing that they were surrounded, Kiba and Neji came together, back-to-back and their fists raised, ready to fight.

The bandits all rushed the two ninjas, but Kiba and Neji threw a series of punches and kicks, sending every bandit that came at them immediately flying back. As the fighting went on, Neji saw a bandit raise a sword behind Kiba, prepared to strike at Kiba's back. Jumping forward, Neji thrusted the palm of his right hand into the bandit's torso, sending him tumbling back. Turning and seeing what Neji had done, Kiba realized that Neji had not only saved his life, but had also protected Akamaru's urn.

"Thanks for the save, dude," Kiba said to the cadet Hyuga, mildly shocked. As Neji smiled and gave Kiba a thumbs-up, Kiba saw a bandit behind Neji, preparing to stab Neji in his back. Neji, who still had his Byakugan active, saw this as well, but couldn't react quickly enough to protect himself. Luckily for the cadet Hyuga, Kiba leapt forward striking the bandit in the gut with a foot slam. After a minute or so, most of the bandits were defeated, either knocked out or dead. As Kiba and Neji surveyed their handiwork, Kiba caught the sight of one remaining bandit trying to run away.

Reaching for his kunai pouch, Kiba went wide-eyed when he realized that he didn't bring his kunai pouch. "Damn!" Kiba hissed, "Of all the times to not be armed!"

"Here," Neji replied as he handed Kiba a kunai to use. Smiling, Kiba thanked Neji as he took the kunai and threw it, striking the fleeing bandit in the back of the head and killing him. When Neji and Kiba got up to the dead bandit, they looked down at the body. "…Wow, that was incredibly easy," Kiba remarked as he nudged the dead bandit's head with his right foot

"Well then, shall we get going to Inuzuka Valley?" Neji asked.

"…Yeah, these bandits can wait," Kiba said, "But Akamaru's ashes can't."

* * *

After half an hour after their tango with the bandits, Kiba and Neji came to a large, somewhat rocky valley; it looked more akin to a canyon than anything else. "Well, here we are," Kiba said as he surveyed the surroundings, "Inuzuka Valley."

"…Wow," Neji said as he was awestruck by the sheer majesty of the view, " _THIS_ is sacred land to the Inuzuka?"

"Hell yeah it is," Kiba replied as he took off his backpack and set it on the ground.

"Your clan sure does have a good sense in picking land to hold as sacred," Neji remarked.

Kneeling on the ground, Kiba said as he opened his backpack, "Back during the early days of the First Hokage's tenure, the head of the Inuzuka clan at the time, a jonin-ranked kunoichi named Pirate Inuzuka, found this valley when she took her ninja dog partner, Bakamaru, out for a walk out here. During the walk, Bakamaru found a crystal in the valley that turned out to be a very large uncut diamond that, when properly cut, brought the Inuzuka clan great wealth. Since only Inuzuka clan dogs were able to locate the diamonds and other gems hidden in this valley, Lord First made a deal with the Inuzuka clan where the Inuzuka would help the rest of Konoha mine the gems in this valley. This is what allowed Konoha's economy in the early days to get such a serious jumpstart."

"Yes," Neji remarked as he stroked his chin in a gesture of deep thought, "I remember hearing about this in a short history lesson back at the Ninja Academy. I believe the Inuzuka ninja dogs that were used to locate the gems in this valley were nicknamed 'Diamond Dogs', or something else along those lines."

"When Bakamaru died, Pirate wished to bury him at the valley, as it was Bakamaru who discovered the first gem here," Kiba went on, "That is what started the Inuzuka clan's tradition of using this valley as a sort of burial site for our dogs. As the valley's gem supply was essentially depleted by the time Bakamaru died, Lord First saw no problem with it. In fact, when the Inuzuka clan petitioned for ownership of the now devoid-of-gems valley to use as a burial site for our clan's dogs, Lord First agreed right on the spot, taking care of all the paperwork to make the move nice and legal. Thus is the tale of how Inuzuka Valley came to be."

"Wait, so if your clan was responsible for bringing so much wealth to Konoha in its early days, then how come your clan is currently the poorest ninja clan in the Land of Fire?" Neji asked.

"My late great-grandma, may she rest in peace, was more addicted to gambling than Lady Tsunade," Kiba replied. (6)

"Ah," Neji replied, "That makes sense." Walking forward, Neji took in the sights. "Still, this place really is a sight to be-WOAH!" Neji called out as he slipped and fell into the valley, luckily catching a hold of the edge of the ground.

"Neji! Dude!" Kiba exclaimed as he ran up; kneeling down, Kiba reached down towards Neji and grabbed his arm that he was using to hold on. As he began to pull the cadet Hyuga up, Kiba said, "I got you, man! Hold on!"

"Kiba, take care of Akamaru first," Neji replied, "That's more important."

"More important than saving your life?! No way!" Kiba insisted, "I don't wanna have to see off TWO friends in the same week! I ain't gonna leave you like this!"

"No, seriously," Neji replied calmly, "I can very easily get myself out of this." To demonstrate, Neji reached up with his other hand to grab the edge of the valley and hoisted himself up back onto the ground.

"…Oh," Kiba replied as Neji dusted himself off.

"Besides which, the valley's only ten feet deep," Neji pointed out, "Even if I did fall into it, I highly doubt that I would be severely injured."

"…Well then, we got a dog's ashes to scatter all over the valley," Kiba said as he got up and walked over to where he sat his backpack down. Opening the backpack, Kiba removed a gold-colored, metal urn that was approximately the size and shape of a shoebox big enough to hold a pair of shoes for a kid Inohime's age. Kiba walked close to the edge of the valley, but not as close as Neji, and then opened the urn. "Well then, Akamaru…" Kiba said softly as he gave a small but sad smile, "…Looks like this was our last walk, huh? …Catch you later, dude." With that, Kiba began casting Akamaru's ashes over Inuzuka Valley as Neji watched. Nodding, Neji said not a single word, as he didn't want to be disrespectful. But he did smile. Neji smiled as he watched his friend send of his ninja dog partner, a lone tear rolling down the left side of his face.

* * *

Back in Konoha, Naruto was using the exercise machine he had in his office as he talked to Shikaku Nara, who stood on Naruto's left; on Naruto's right stood Inoichi Yamanaka. "Inoichi, how can you defend what Tsume did with my clan's reindeer summoning scroll?" the older Nara patriarch snapped.

"Hey, we couldn't bring in any bags to carry the scroll in, and it would stick out like a sore thumb if one of us put it in a pants pocket," Inoichi pointed out.

"Well I'm not going to be the one to tell Shikamaru where the reindeer summoning scroll has been," Shikaku declared with his arms crossed.

"Yeah, I already did that," Naruto interjected, getting the attention of the two older ninjas. When Inoichi and Shikaku both gave Naruto questioning looks, Naruto replied, "Hey, I was the one who returned the scroll to Shikamaru. He deserved an explanation."

"Now that I think about it, the look my son had on his face earlier makes a lot more sense, with what Lord Sixth just told us," Shikaku said to Inoichi. As the three ninjas continued their conversation, Neji walked into the office.

"…Oh," Neji said when he saw that Naruto was already talking to visitors, "Am I interrupting?"

"No, it's nothing to worry about," Naruto replied as he gestured for Neji to come into the office. "So how was the trip to Inuzuka Valley?" Naruto asked.

"I have a much greater appreciation for Kiba than I did before," Neji replied.

Chuckling, Naruto said, "Well I'm glad to see that the two of you are getting along better now."

"I still think Tsume should apologize to Yoshino," Shikaku said to Inoichi, the two of them completely ignoring Naruto's and Neji's conversation.

"What does Tsume have to apologize for?" Inoichi asked.

"Nothing, technically," Shikaku replied, "But Yoshino, after hearing how Tsume got the reindeer summoning scroll out of the thieves' base of operations, feels as if Tsume owes her an apology."

* * *

The following day, Kiba was having his morning coffee; Neji was over, at Kiba's invitation, to have coffee as well. "Surprisingly, your mother, Mr. Fisher and Mr. Yamanaka are making a lot of progress in helping Tenten lose weight," Neji remarked as he sat down the mug that he was drinking from.

"Aren't they helping your wife slim down by using the power of dance?" Kiba asked as he picked up his coffee mug.

"Something like that, yeah," Neji replied with a nod. After Kiba took a sip of coffee and sat his mug back down, Neji said, "Hey Kiba…thanks."

"…For inviting you over for coffee?" Kiba replied in a slightly confused tone.

"Well that," Neji replied, "But mainly for taking me along on the trip to honor Akamaru at Inuzuka Valley." Looking more directly at Kiba, Neji added, "It was quite the honor."

Smiling, Kiba raised his mug of coffee to Neji and said, "Same here, dude. Same here." As Kiba and Neji continued to enjoy their coffee, Tsume and Kuromaru came walking in, accompanied by an Inuzuka clan ninja dog; this dog was smaller than Akamaru in adulthood, but notably larger than Akamaru back when he was small enough to ride on Kiba's head.

When Tsume and the dogs walked in, Tsume was talking on a cell phone. "…Well you can tell your wife to kiss my ass!" Tsume snapped into the phone, "She ain't getting no apology from me, just because she doesn't like how the boys and I got your clan's scroll back! Good day to you, sir!" And with that, Tsume ended the call and slipped her cell phone back into her pocket. Looking to the table, Tsume saw Kiba and Neji. "Oh, hey Neji," Tsume greeted, "What brings you by?"

"Kiba invited me for coffee," Neji replied.

"Ah yes, you were Kiba's friend that accompanied him to Inuzuka Valley," Tsume said as she walked over to the counter in the kitchen where Kiba put the coffee pot. Getting her own mug of coffee, Tsume joined the two younger adult ninja. Gesturing to the dogs to come over, Tsume said, "Hey Kiba, the dog that came with me and Kuromaru is your new ninja dog partner."

"Huh, already?" Kiba replied with a slight laugh.

"As an Inuzuka, you need a ninja dog partner," Tsume pointed out, "But I'll leave the business of naming up to you." Kiba gestured to his new ninja dog partner to come over.

Taking a look at the new ninja dog, Kiba said, "Huh, the eyes are blue."

"So Aomaru, then?" Neji asked. (7)

"Actually, I was thinking of doing what Bankai did when he named Rojomaru," Kiba replied. To his new ninja dog, Kiba said, "I'll name you Azulmaru." (8)

"That ninja dog is a bitch," Kuromaru pointed out. With that bit of knowledge, Kiba and Neji both exchanged looks of embarrassment.

Looking back down to his new ninja dog, Kiba said, "Azulhime it is!"

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Author's Notes:

(1) Remember that one scene from the anime where, in the academy, Udon was doing math problems on a scroll? The Nara clan's reindeer summoning scroll is about that big.

(2) For very understandable reasons.

(3) They just toss the dead cats into dumpsters.

(4) In the case of a regular dog's ashes, the person who owned the dog can choose to have someone else scatter the dog's ashes in their place, but the person they choose has to be an Inuzuka. Also, the person that's scattering the ashes can bring a friend to accompany them, but in the case of a regular dog's ashes being scattered, the friend that's brought along does not necessarily have to be human (the friend that's brought along in this case can be either human or canine).

(5) It _IS_ in the Halloween spirit by virtue of the fact that it's creepy as all get out.

(6) She also had worse luck than Tsunade.

(7) 'Ao' is blue in Japanese.

(8) 'Azul' is blue in Spanish.

For reasons that escape me, the Inuzuka clan has always been one of my favorite, if not my MOST favorite, clans from the world of Naruto. And yet there's very little history/lore on them in the manga/anime. I've been wanting to flesh out the Inuzuka clan a bit for quite some time, and with this chapter, I hope that my goal has been accomplished.


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-seven: The warehouse murder mystery (AKA Were you aware that Harold and his friends were Amateur Sleuths? Because I wasn't)

One mid-December morning in the village of Konohagakure, Harold Fisher, one of Konoha's oldest active jonin, was walking on a sidewalk with his friends Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru. "…So Kiba managed to get Azulhime up to speed, which is good," Tsume remarked, bringing up the subject of Kiba's newest ninja dog after his previous one, Akamaru, recently died.

"That reminds me, did you guys ever discover how Kiba's old ninja dog died?" Inoichi asked.

"Hana ran an autopsy," Kuromaru explained, "She discovered that he ate something that he shouldn't have eaten. She wouldn't tell me what exactly, but judging by her expression, I'm assuming that whatever it was, it was poisonous. At least to dogs."

"It's still a damn shame," Harold said, "And here I thought that Akamaru was going to be Kiba's ninja dog partner forever."

"Akamaru was really old, Harold," Kuromaru pointed out, "If Akamaru was human, he'd have been approximately three times as old as you when he died."

"Holy crap, really?!" Harold exclaimed.

With a nod in the affirmative, the Inuzuka ninja dog said, "At least."

"Dogs and humans age differently," Tsume pointed out, "Didn't you know this?"

"I didn't know," Inoichi said, raising a hand.

"Well now you do know," Tsume replied to her friends, "And knowing is half the battle."

"The other half is killing someone," Harold stated, raising his right index finger.

As Inoichi and Tsume nodded in unison to agree with what Harold had just said, the group came upon the sight of Harold's grandnephew Haru, Inoichi's grandson Shikaru and granddaughter Inohime, and Tsume's grandson Bankai and his ninja dog Rojomaru. With the kids were the boys' friends Choba Akimichi and Shibei Aburame, and Natsu Uzumaki, a girl who Haru was dating. All of the kids were standing outside of a warehouse.

"Yo kids, word up with thee?" Harold called out as he and the other older ninjas walked up to the kids.

"Hey Uncle Harold," Haru greeted as the older folks came up. When the older folks got up, Inohime ran up to Inoichi and jumped into his arms in a tackle-hug combo.

"Grandpa!" Inohime exclaimed as she giggled cutely.

"It's great to see you too, dear," Inoichi replied with a smile as he set his granddaughter back down on her feet.

When she was placed back down, Inohime said as she turned to face the warehouse and point at it, "Grandpa, don't go into big building."

A confused look on his face, Inoichi said, "Why not, Inohime?"

"There's a really bad smell coming from inside," Shikaru said to his grandfather and the other older ninjas, "And I mean _REALLY_ bad."

"It smell worse that poo," Inohime said, "And that smelliest smell Inohime know! Smell in big building very yucky!"

"Shikaru's little sister has a point," Bankai said, "In fact, Rojomaru and I both lost our lunch when the gang and us got close enough to smell whatever's inside." (1)

After catching a quick whiff, Kuromaru gagged and exclaimed, "Holy hell! Tsume, your grandson ain't kidding!"

After taking a quick sniff of the air, Tsume gagged as well before turning to face her friends and saying, "Boys, I think that the warehouse should be checked out."

"Kids, you wait out here with Bankai's grandma's dog," Harold instructed the kids, "Bankai's grandma, Shikaru's and Inohime's grandpa and I are going to head inside to see what's going on."

"But it very smelly inside!" Inohime insisted in a worried tone.

"We know, Inohime," Inoichi said in an assuring tone, "But this might be big trouble. As the only adults here, my friends and I have to do a quick bit of recon. It's very possible that we may have to call in some other adults to help out."

As Harold and the other older ninja proceeded inside, Kuromaru said under his breath, "Pfft, yeah right. The three of you are _totally_ adults."

When they entered the warehouse, Tsume immediately pinched her nostrils closed by pinching them with her right index finger and thumb. Even Harold and Inoichi, once they got a better smell of what the smell in the warehouse was like, started to wrinkle their noses in disgust. "Ah hell, your granddaughter made an excellent point, Inoichi," Harold remarked, "It _DOES_ smell worse than poo in here!"

"It smells worse than an Akimichi clan dining room on Chili night," Inoichi remarked with a nod of agreement towards his best friend.

"Maybe someone died in here," Tsume suggested, "Or someone died and their body was dumped in here a while ago, allowing it to fester and rot."

"Okay, that's more disgusting than the Akimichi clan chili night theory," Harold remarked, "Seriously Tsume, dude, where do you get so many of these HOLY CRAP THERE ARE TWO DEAD BODIES!" Both Inoichi and Tsume turned their line of sight in the same general area that Harold had his line of sight in, and as such they saw that Tsume's theory was, sadly enough, correct.

Laying on the cement floor about twenty feet ahead of them were two bodies; from the looks of them, they used to be girls slightly older than the genin waiting outside. "Oh God!" Inoichi and Harold both exclaimed in unison as they, along with Tsume, all ran outside. As they ran out the door that they entered, they ran past the kids and Kuromaru, then immediately drew the alarm of the kids and Kuromaru by simultaneously losing their lunch in the same bush.

"Holy crud! Uncle Harold! Are you okay?!" Haru exclaimed as he, his friends and Kuromaru came running up.

"Call the police!" Harold instructed as he tried to catch his breath after throwing up, "Call the Hokage! Call your Aunt Sophia! Call anyone and everyone you think can help!"

"Mr. Fisher, what did you, Mr. Yamanaka and my grandma see in there?" Bankai asked as Rojomaru sniffed at Harold's shins in a concerned manner.

"Bankai, little man, my friends and I have seen some serious hell in there," Tsume remarked as she wiped her mouth with the side of her fist, "Stuff that I hope you all never have to see."

* * *

Later, police cruisers, at least two ambulances, and a CSI van were parked outside the warehouse. Just outside the main door leading into the warehouse, police investigators were talking to Harold, his friends, and the kids. "So you kids didn't go inside the warehouse, correct?" asked the investigator.

The kids all shook their head, with Inohime saying, "Grandpa told Inohime to wait outside with doggy."

"Oh yeah, Inoichi Yamanaka and his friends Harold Fisher and Tsume Inuzuka went inside to see what's going on," the investigator whispered to his companion standing next to him, "All three of them are jonin of Konoha, so they're legally allowed to check things like that really quick before getting ahold of law enforcement."

To the kids, the investigator's companion asked, "When did you kids notice the smell coming from the warehouse?"

"We were heading over to Haru's place to play video games, when Rojomaru here caught the smell of something and ran off barking in the direction of the warehouse," Bankai explained as he gestured to his ninja dog partner, "The boys and I all ran after Rojomaru, and when he found him, he was throwing up at the base of a tree about thirty feet away from the warehouse."

"Well that explains the puddle of dog puke we found on one of the trees," the investigator muttered to himself.

"We were all standing outside, partly unable to stop gagging due to the smell coming from the warehouse," Haru continued, "After Bankai lost his lunch, his grandma, my uncle and Shikaru's grandpa showed up. The rest is up to them to tell you."

"We already spoke to the older folks," the investigator's partner explained to Haru.

To all of the kids, the investigator said, "Alright, I just spoke to most of your parents. I think they're coming here to pick you all up." The kids were all led by the investigator's partner over to where the police cruisers were parked, where they would wait for their parents to come pick them up. Shaking his head, the investigator said, "I can't believe something like this could happen in Konoha. Two innocent young girls, both of them taken in the prime of their lives. Who could do something so monstrous?"

"Tween pop stars?" Inoichi guessed.

"Cats?" Tsume suggested.

"Donkey Kong?" Harold offered.

"Actual legit criminals whose motives for killing the two girls remains unknown at the moment?" Kuromaru asked.

Shaking his head, the investigator said, "I'm just going to write up the copy of the statement that will be sent to the Hokage office building." After the investigator walked off to his police cruiser, Harold turned to face his friends.

"Yo bros," Harold began, "I think we should try and solve this mystery."

"I have an alternative suggestion," Kuromaru stated, "How about we let the actual investigators do that instead?"

"No, no I defiantly believe that Harold has an excellent point," Tsume remarked, "I say we try and crack the case of the two murdered girls!"

Shaking his head, Kuromaru muttered too quietly for anyone else to hear, "I swear that I'm up to my eyes in dumbasses."

* * *

Over at the Fisher residence, Harold, along with Inoichi and Tsume, were all dressed up as classic nineteenth-century detectives; Harold and Inoichi both even had appropriately-shaped detective pipes (albeit toy ones that produced bubbles). Kuromaru was laying on the floor next to an armchair. "Alright then, gentlemen," Harold said as he carefully laid some files on the table that he and the other humans stood around, "Let's go over what we know so far, shall we?"

"The victims are Danni Truman and Sasha Steinberg," Inoichi began, "Both fourteen years of age."

"They are also the respective daughters of two of the richest families in the Land of Fire," Tsume continued, "And neither family has any members that are shinobi. To be a wealthy family in the Land of Fire, and not have ANY members that are shinobi, is pretty impressive. Especially considering the respective wealth both families have!"

Nodding in agreement, Harold said, "We can suppose from the facts presented thus far that money is the most likely motive in this double-homicide."

Blinking in a surprised manner, Kuromaru said as he raised his head up, "Wow. You three are actually taking this seriously."

"What does our suspect list look like so far?" Inoichi asked.

"Ah hell," Kuromaru muttered to himself in a tone showing that he had an idea on where this was going, "I shouldn't have spoken so soon…"

"It's not much of a list, my dear Inoichi," Harold replied as he pretended to take a smoke from his toy pipe, "The first nefarious fiend on the list of suspects is none other than Donkey Kong."

"Okay, back up there a minute," Kuromaru said as he got up and walked over to the humans. Looking up at Harold, Kuromaru said, "Why in the name of Amertaesu would you suspect frigg'en Donkey Kong to be the murderer?!"

"Well, think about it," Harold began, "Donkey Kong is a sick son of a bitch who has a constant need to satiate his insatiable bloodlust. He has to be the murderer."

"Didn't you say that money was a motive?" Kuromaru asked. After the Fisher patriarch nodded in the affirmative, Kuromaru continued, "Then how can a giant monkey be the murderer? He's not only not motivated by money, but is nowhere near smart enough to pull off a kidnapping of this scale. Additionally, the dude's barely smart enough to use weapons, and even then, his arsenal is limited to throwing coconuts and barrels, neither of which could have been the murder weapon."

"You got a point there," Harold relented in the end.

"The next suspect that you guys have on your list," Kuromaru said as he put his front paws on the table to hoist himself up to look at the list, "Is…every tween popstar."

"Totally," Inoichi declared confidently.

Looking at Inoichi, Kuromaru said in a deadpan, "So you're thinking that every tween pop star teamed up to murder two rich girls."

"Exactly," Inoichi stated.

"…That makes no sense," the Inuzuka ninja dog pointed out, "Tween pop stars, despite all logic, tend to make a lot of money, so the money motive doesn't apply. Also, murdering some girls would be a serious dampener on their reputation, especially considering most of their respective fan bases consist mostly of girls just like the two that were murdered."

Inoichi looked like he was about to argue, but relented before any words escape his mouth. Looking at the list of suspects again, Kuromaru turned to face his owner. "…Tsume, there's no way that 'a bunch of cats' can be suspected of murdering those two girls."

"Well why the hell not?" Tsume asked in a defensive tone.

"Evidence showed that the two girls were tied up to chairs and assaulted with various blunt instruments such as baseball bats," Kuromaru pointed out, "Name one part in all of what I just said that can be the work of a cat."

"…Cats are evil," Tsume retorted weakly.

Shaking his head and sighing, Kuromaru said, "If you morons are serious about trying to solve this case, then why don't you talk to the families of the victims."

"Why would we do that?" Inoichi asked.

"They might have owed someone some money," Kuromaru suggested, "Also, there might have been someone who wanted revenge against them. Revenge can also be a reason for murder."

"Yeah, just ask my nephew-in-law about that," Harold remarked casually. (2)

* * *

Later, Harold and company (still dressed as classic detectives) were talking to a very wealthy couple. The wife of the couple was crying constantly, so the husband of the couple, who was a sharply dressed businessman, was talking to Harold and the others. "Tell me detectives, have you found out who murdered my daughter Danni yet?" asked the businessman.

"Not yet, but we were hoping to ask you a few questions," Harold replied.

"Like what?" the businessman asked.

Tsume said as she stepped forward, "We don't suppose if either you or the parents of Danni's friend had any sort of enemies, do you?"

"Enemies?" repeated Danni's father, "What do you mean?"

"Maybe some butt-hurt business person who's feeling salty over something you and or Danni's friend's father did the deed?" Inoichi suggested, "Or maybe someone that either of you two men owed a lot of money to?"

Looking very appalled, Danni's father exclaimed, "What?! How dare you ask something like that!"

"These are standard questions that have to be asked in cases such as this," Tsume pointed out, "Considering the fact that you and Danni's friend's father are both very rich men, stuff like this tends to pop up quite a lot."

Relenting, Danni's father said in a somber tone, "I suppose you're right. I shouldn't have been so snappy."

"We understand that this is a troublesome time for you and your wife," Inoichi said, "After all, if my daughter was found murdered, I'd be out for blood."

"So do you have any idea on who might have been interested in getting some money out of you, or wanted to be a bee in your undies?" Tsume asked.

After a bit of thought, Danni's father said, "Well as a wealthy businessman, I do have a number of people that, for all intents and purposes, could be considered as enemies. The same applies to Richard, given that his daughter Sasha was also found dead in that warehouse."

At Kuromaru's request ("Did that dog just talk?" Danni's father asked in surprise), the parents of Danni wrote up a list of all the possible people they think might be possible suspects, for reasons up to and including the aforementioned possible reasons of money and revenge. After they gave Danni's parents their regards, Harold and company left.

"Well let's go see if this Richard dude has anything different to say," Inoichi said to his friends as they all proceeded to make their way to Richard's place on foot.

* * *

Harold and company had a discussion with Richard and his wife Susan; like Danni's mother, Susan was an emotional wreck in the wake of the murder of the two girls, albeit she's more upset over the death of her daughter Sasha. Harold, upon first seeing Susan, expressed surprise that Susan's hair was the same shade of pink as his and Sakura's; the Fisher patriarch even asked if Susan had any Fisher family members in her family tree.

After Susan confirmed that her hair color is the result of regularly dying it that color for many years due to pink being her favorite color (Susan's natural hair color is light brown), Harold and company proceeded to interview the grieving couple. They asked the same questions that they threw at Danni's parents, and after getting similar responses, Harold and company thanked them for their time, expressed sympathy for the trouble they're going through, and took their leave.

"Well that was more or less a repeat of interviewing the Trumans," Kuromaru remarked, "Also, I think I recognize miss Steinberg back there."

"Yeah, Susan and Richard goes to the First Konoha Synagogue, the same one as all of the Hyuga clan members that are Jewish," Tsume explained, "Don't you remember, Kuromaru? We saw Susan outside the place during one of our morning walks around the block that we live on."

"Oh yeah, now I remember," Kuromaru said.

"So we got two possible motives," Inoichi said as he pounded his fist into his hand, "It's either money or revenge, or perhaps a generous mix of both."

Pulling up the written list of suspects named by the Trumans and the Steinbergs, Harold said, "And we currently have a fresh list of suspects to interrogate. Let's get crackalack'en!"

* * *

After a day of interrogations, Harold and company met back at the den over at Harold's place. "So out of the various dudes that we have talked to, I think that there are three who are most likely the murderer," Harold said as he placed a photo face-up on the table.

"That Dr. Briefs guy?" Kuromaru said questioningly.

"The man seemed very shifty as we were interviewing him," Harold pointed out to the Inuzuka ninja dog, "He seemed like he was hiding something."

Placing a second photo on the table face-up, Inoichi said, "Harold, with all due respect, I believe that suspect number two here might be the murderer."

"You mean that Fuyuki Hinata dude?" Harold asked as he looked at the photo.

"Every time he looked at you, there was a look of anger in his eyes," Inoichi pointed out.

"…That's because he's one of the guys whose car was totaled by you three on one of your 'ice cream truck theft' stints," Kuromaru pointed out, "It's rather understandable that he'd be pissed." (3)

"Well how about suspect number three here?" Tsume suggested as she placed the final photo on the table face up.

"Ah, Mr. Crow Hogan," Harold remarked, "I actually did some research on the man after his name came up in a police alert. Apparently, Mr. Hogan here has a committed quite a number of crimes, including arson, murder and jaywalking."

"…Is jaywalking even that serious a crime?" Kuromaru asked in an exasperated tone.

"…Well it says here in the copy of Crow's arrest record that I got that Crow jaywalks twelve times a week," Harold remarked as he flipped through a folder he pulled out from the briefcase he was carrying.

"…Well I think that Hogan and Briefs are the two most likely suspects," Kuromaru stated, "Given that the Fuyuki seemed mad only at Harold. …I can't quite blame the dude."

"Well then gentlemen," Tsume said as she gathered up the photos, "Let's get to it! We got suspects to look into!"

* * *

"…Well that was all bunk," Tsume huffed in an annoyed tone as she and the other 'detectives' made their way back to Harold's place after having taken a closer look at the three suspects. As it turned out, none of the three suspects that warranted closer inspection could not have been the murderer (or rather, could have been responsible for the murder of the two young teenage girls; that Fuyuki fellow seemed to have wanted to kill Harold).

"I say we take a fresh look at all of the possible suspects," Kuromaru suggested to the humans.

As the group got up to Harold's front door, Kuromaru said as Harold opened the door, "Maybe there's something that we-"

"HAROLD!" Sophia called out in a worried panic, cutting off the Inuzuka ninja dog and getting the attention of all four members of the detective group. Looking over, they saw that a man dressed as a butler was holding a knife to Sophia's throat.

"You son of a bitch!" Harold yelled at the butler, "What are you doing with my wife?!"

"…You all should not have investigated the murder of Danni and her little friend," the butler said after a few seconds, "I'll admit that you all came far closer than the official investigative team throw together by Konoha's government, but that's mostly attributed to the fact that bureaucracy always has a tendency to impede things with layers upon layers of red tape."

"Wait a minute…" Inoichi said, a look of dawning realization slowly creeping its way over his features. When the realization fully kicked in, Inoichi pointed to the butler and exclaimed, "You're the head butler for the Steinberg family!"

"Indeed I am," the butler replied in a cold casual tone.

"…So I take it that you're the murderer?" Tsume asked, her eyes narrowing at the butler.

"It was not for money, rest assured," the butler replied, "There was a much simpler, yet more powerful, motive to me murdering miss Danni and her little friend."

"…Revenge," Harold stated.

Nodding in the affirmative, the butler said, "Twenty or so years ago, my daughter Dawn, just a month shy of turning eighteen, was killed by a pink-haired individual. Richard's wife Susan, who has been regularly dying her hair pink for over the last twenty years, has to be the one who killed Dawn."

"…A pink-haired individual?" Kuromaru repeated, "I'm just curious…how did this 'pink-haired individual' kill your daughter?"

Chuckling, the butler said, "Susan Steinberg, who has to be the pink-haired individual in question, fell on Dawn from a great height at the sports game stadium that was here in Konoha before it was torn down to make way for the new, current sports game stadium that was used for the chunnin exams a few months ago that were interrupted by powerful ninja attacking Konoha and damn, why does that last bit sound so familiar?" (4)

"Butler dude," Kuromaru began, "With all due respect, the death of your daughter, from your own admission, sounds like it was a total accident. You cannot really hold Susan Steinberg responsible for what happened."

"I am a grieving father! I care not for logic!" the butler exclaimed.

"…I kinda understand where he's coming from," Inoichi remarked, "I mean, if Ino was murdered, I'd certainly throw all logic out the window."

"You do that on the regular basis anyway, but that's beside the point." Kuromaru stated matter-of-factly.

"Even though you're trying to avenge your daughter's death from twenty some-odd years ago, murdering two young teenage girls and _holding my wife hostage_ is not the way to go about getting your revenge," Harold said to the butler.

"Stay back! All of you!" the butler exclaimed in a somewhat panicked tone, pressing the edge of the knife slightly closer to Sophia's throat.

"Dude, I'm warning you," Harold said as his tone slowly took on more of a stern warning sound, "Let Sophia go right now."

"And if I-" the butler said, but he stopped midsentence when his entire vision became nothing but swirls of black and dark red; the very last thing he saw before instantly passing out (the knife he held tumbling out of his hand harmlessly to the floor in the process) was a pair of Sharingan eyes, with each eye having three tomoe. After the butler collapsed to the floor, Harold and the other seniors, none of which having seen what the butler saw, suddenly noticed that Harold's grandnephew Haru saw standing between them and Sophia.

"Aunt Sophia!" Haru exclaimed as he ran up to his aunt and hugged her, "Are you okay?"

"Haru, sweetie, what happened?!" Sophia asked in a shocked tone, gesturing to the passed-out butler who was currently laying on the floor.

"Oh, I used my Sharingan to cast a genjitsu on the guy who was holding you hostage," Haru explained, "Dad taught me how to do what I just did."

"Dude!" Harold exclaimed joyously as he walked up to his wife and grandnephew. Gathering both up into a bear hug, Harold exclaimed, "Uchiha magic eyes for the win!"

"I always thought that Harold's grandnephew is the only Uchiha who is not a turd," Tsume whispered to Inoichi as they and Kuromaru watched Harold hug Sophia and Haru.

* * *

Later that day, Harold and company met with Naruto in his office at the Hokage office building. Looking at a report in his hand, Naruto said as he shifted his gaze to the three older ninjas and one ninja dog, "So it turns out that one of the butlers working for the Steinbergs was the murderer."

"He confessed to his crime when he came upon him holding Harold's wife hostage, and he confessed again when he was brought in," Tsume stated, "After he was woken up from his Sharingan-induced coma, that is."

"Ah yes, and there's the bit about Sasuke's son defeating the butler and saving Mrs. Fisher," Naruto remarked as he sifted his gaze back to the report, "I believe that Haru's actions in defeating the murderer and saving Mrs. Fisher warrants receiving that one award for service to Konoha."

"Well the Uchiha clan _did_ run the local police force before they were all killed by Itachi," Kuromaru pointed out, "Protecting and serving Konoha citizens is probably in the kid's blood."

"Indeed," Naruto agreed as he sat the report down on his desk.

"Speaking of award for service to Konoha, Mrs. Inuzuka," Naruto added as he got up, "I sent the one for you to your place earlier this morning. I may not approve of you using _The Hanamaru_ the way that you did to kill that powerful ninja, but you did save Konoha either way."

"All in a day's work, Lord Sixth," Tsume replied with a salute.

"Yeah huh," Naruto said, "Anywho, try to behave yourselves, alright?"

After Harold and company took their leave from Naruto's office, they were met up by Sasuke and Sakura. "Sakura! Did you hear what Haru did?" Harold said as he greeted his adult niece.

Nodding in the affirmative, Sakura replied, "It's a good thing that I sent Haru to assist aunt Sophia with holiday decorating over at your place, huh?"

"The little dude should totally get double Christmas gifts this year," Harold remarked, "It's the least he deserves."

Laughing in good nature, Sasuke said, "I'm certain that Haru was more concerned about saving his elderly aunt than he was about getting double presents. He's a rather selfless kid, that son of mine."

"Anywho, the butler who Haru totally owned in a fight said something about an incident from twenty plus years ago, where a pink-haired individual fell onto his seventeen-year-old daughter over at an old sports stadium, killing the daughter," Inoichi said, "That's the butler's reason for killing the two rich girls."

"Wait…" Sasuke said with a mildly alarmed expression, "…What does pink hair have to do with that?"

"Susan Steinberg, the mother of one of the two murdered girls, has been regularly dying her hair pink for the past twenty some-odd years," Harold explained, "The butler assumed that it was Susan who fell onto his daughter and killed her."

"The boys and I were planning on heading back over to the Steinbergs' place to do a bit of post-investigation follow-up," Harold said, "We'll be seeing you later. Oh, Sakura, before I go, can you do me a favor and tell Haru that I owe him one? 'K, thanks." After Harold and company took their leave, Sasuke and Sakura exchanged concerned looks with each other.

"…Do you think, if we ask him, that Naruto will tell us everything about the case," Sakura asked, "Including the current status of the butler who murdered those two girls?"

"Naruto owes me a favor or two," Sasuke replied as he patted his wife on the shoulder, "And we're both friends of his. I'm sure he'd be willing to indulge some of our questions."

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Author's Notes:

(1) Members of the Inuzuka clan have enhanced senses of smell, remember?

(2) It's something about Sasuke's past that he's still sore about.

(3) I'd be a mite upset if it was me, too.

(4) Those who pay no attention to history are doomed to repeat it.

The next chapter will be a holiday special. The reason I say 'holiday' is because, while it will be primarily Christmas-themed, Hanukkah will also be featured in the chapter. I didn't say 'holiday' over 'Christmas' for the sake of political correctness. I never do anything for that reason.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-eight: Harold and company are Saving Christmas (AKA the Ass-kicking Christmas special)

One mid to late December day over at the Hyuga clan estate in Konohagakure, Haru Uchiha and Inohime Nara were watching Natsu Uzumaki spin a small wooden top. "It's a shame Shikaru couldn't be here, given that he had to help his dad and grandpa decorate for the holidays" Haru remarked, "This thing you're showing us looks pretty neat, Natsu."

"Not only is it neat, but it also holds a bit of significance to people of the Jewish faith," Natsu explained as she picked up the little top and spun it again.

"Inohime want to try and spin top next!" the young Nara girl exclaimed with some giggling.

Walking onto the scene of the kids playing was Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru. Seeing the top, Harold pointed at it and said, "Hey Hiashi's granddaughter, is that thing you're playing with one of those Beyblades?"

Looking up at the older ninjas, Natsu said to Harold with a mild hint of confusion in her tone, "Umm, no. It's called a dreidel."

"Hey Uncle Harold," Haru interrupted, "What's mom and Mrs. Nara doing again with Mrs. Uzumaki?"

"Ehh, they're talking about the upcoming holidays," Harold replied in a dismissive tone.

"So how does this work?" Inoichi asked as he pointed to the dreidel, "Does each person playing spin their own little wooden top thing so that they all collide into each other, and whichever one scores the best wins?"

"No, that's not how it works at all, Mr. Yamanaka," Natsu replied, sounding just as confused as when she replied to Harold's question.

"The gist of how the dreidel game works is that each person starts with a set number of items to throw into a pot," Kuromaru began to explain, "Each person periodically puts a piece of their starting loot, usually pieces of candy since this game is commonly played by kids, then each person takes turns spinning the dreidel. The person who spins the dreidel takes an action depending on what symbol is face up when the dreidel stops spinning."

"Wait a minute," Tsume began, "Kuromaru, how do you know so much about the function of that little Beyblade that Hiashi's granddaughter has?" (1)

"It's called a dreidel, Tsume," Kuromaru replied, "And Hogato told me about it when he was teaching some young Jewish kids how to play the game."

Looking to the dreidel as it laid on the floor, Harold said as he looked to Natsu, "So you're teaching Haru and Inohime how to play a holiday game, huh?"

Nodding in the affirmative, Natsu replied, "I was taking the time to teach the game and explain how it works first before Haru, Inohime and I start playing for real. That's why I didn't take out the bag of candy that I-"

"Candy?!" Inohime exclaimed excitedly.

"Relax Inohime, we'll get to that eventually," Natsu replied, sounding like a kind older sister. As the kids proceeded to get back into the game, Harold and the other older ninjas walked off.

"So that's like, what," Tsume began, "Underage gambling?"

"Ehh, you _could_ technically refer to it as such," Kuromaru replied, "But it's not quite that simple."

* * *

Later that evening, after the kids all went home, Harold and the other adults got together for a socialization party of sorts over in one of the large rooms of the Hyuga clan estate. In one area of the party room, Harold, along with his wife Sophia, were talking to Harold's little sister Mebuki and Mebuki's husband Kizashi. "Aww, that sounds really adorable," Mebuki remarked as Harold recounted what he saw earlier that day.

"Indeed," Kizashi said as he took a sip from the wine glass he held, "So Harold, did you see which kid won?"

"I didn't see a definite winner, but the point is that Haru, Inoichi's granddaughter and Hiashi's granddaughter all had fun," Harold replied, draining the last of what was in his can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager. As the seniors were talking, Hiashi Hyuga, the leader of the Hyuga clan, came walking up to the Fisher-Haruno family. With Hiashi was his wife Omiyo, who had recently been released from the hospital.

"Ah, Hiashi, my man!" Harold greeted when he saw the Hyuga lord come up, "This is some party you're throwing!"

"I wasn't aware that the cadet branch members I put in charge of refreshments got some cans of your favorite drink," Hiashi remarked as he noticed the (empty) can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager in Harold's right hand.

"Oh, this?" Harold began as he looked at the can in his hand, "Yeah, Inoichi, Tsume and I brought one can each. We weren't banking on you and your guys providing more, as you tend to favor that microbrewery junk from Suna."

"With all due respect, Harold's got a point," Kizashi said, "I mean, nothing beats what's made locally."

"Say Omiyo, what are those little fried potato thingies called again?" Sophia asked, "You know, the ones over at the refreshment table."

"You mean the latkes?" Omiyo said.

"Mmm, yes," Sophia remarked with a nod, "Those are very good. You must let me have the recipe."

Chuckling softly, Omiyo replied, "Sorry Sophia, but it's a family secret." With a sly look on her face, Omiyo added, "But maybe if I can get a copy of your brisket recipe…"

"Oh ho, I see how this is!" Sophia remarked, getting both women, along with Mebuki, to start laughing.

To Hiashi and Kizashi, Harold said, "Sophia does make a mean brisket, in all seriousness."

As the adults continued to talk and socialize, they heard a crashing sound coming from outside. "The hell was that?!" Inoichi exclaimed from where he was talking with Michelle, Shikaku and Yoshino. All of the adults decided to head outside to investigate what had made the noise.

As the adults looked around, Harold and his group could hear Sakura shout, "It's too dark outside to see anything!"

"Hey Hinata, can you activate your Byakugan and take a look around?" Naruto could be heard saying from around the same area Sakura's voice came from.

"Hey, Lord Sixth has the right idea," Harold remarked to his group, "Hiashi, dude, use your magic eyes to see things out." On that cue, Hiashi activated his Byakugan.

As he looked around, Hiashi heard Hinata shout, "Over by the gazebo! There's a…sleigh and knocked out reindeer?" Confused by what his adult daughter said, Hiashi turned his view towards where the gazebo should be. When he saw a crashed sleigh, with multiple reindeer scattered around. As Hiashi turned back to face the estate so he could shout an order for someone to turn on the lights in the backyard, Harold and everyone else ran over to the gazebo.

As the lights around the gazebo flickered on, the adults were all shocked to see the crashed sleigh and the numerous reindeer. Half-sitting, half-laying in the front seat of the sleigh was an overweight man; he was dressed in bright red, and he had a long white beard. "Holy crap! It's frigg'en Santa Claus!" Tsume exclaimed as she pointed at the downed spirit of Christmas.

"And here I thought that me dressing up as the big man was needed to keep Shikaru's and Inohime's Christmas spirit alive," Inoichi remarked as Michelle, shocked by what she was seeing, held her hands over her mouth.

Walking over to the sleigh, Kuromaru took a quick stroll around until he came to the right-hand side of the sleigh (if you're seated in the sleigh and facing forward). Stopping short, Kuromaru shouted, "There's a big hole in the side of the sleigh! It's all splintery and charred!"

"Son of a bitch," Harold snapped, "Someone shot down Father Christmas!"

"Sakura, go tend to Santa," Naruto half-asked half-ordered (2), "He got shot down, so he must be injured."

"I have some experience as a medical ninja," Ino offered, "Should I help?"

"The more the merrier," Naruto replied as he gave Ino the go ahead.

After a minute or so, Sakura and Ino managed to get Santa Claus stabilized. After another half-a-minute or so, Santa finally woke up. "Oh my," Santa said in a woozy daze, "What happened?"

"Judging by the damage on the side of your sleigh, you were shot down," Kuromaru explained, "Do you remember anything?"

"…I think I remember hearing an explosion before spiraling down," Father Christmas said as he held a hand to his head, "Other than that, I have- Wait, my reindeer! What about them?!"

"My fellow clansmen and I already took a look at them," Shikaku said to Santa, "Luckily, they all wore collars with names tags on them so they could be identified. I'm sorry to say this, but Dasher and Prancer are both dead, and Vixen, Cupid and Blitzen all have at least one broken leg, making them lame. Also, one of your reindeer is missing. If I recall correctly, the missing reindeer's name is Comet."

"Wait, what about Dancer, Donner and Rudolph?" Santa asked.

"…Okay, both Comet and Rudolph are missing," Shikaku said as he quickly corrected himself, "As for Dancer and Donner, they're both stunned, but otherwise okay."

Sighing, Santa remarked somberly, "Who would do such a terrible thing? Who would shoot me and my reindeer down as I was trying to deliver Christmas gifts to all of the good little boys and girls of Konoha?"

"Orochimaru?" Sasuke suggested.

"Katasuke?" Naruto offered.

"Tween pop stars?" Inoichi guessed.

"Donkey Kong?" Harold said in a questioning tone.

"A bunch of cats?" Tsume provided.

"No, no I don't think any of them are responsible," Santa replied, "Although now that you mention it Harold, I did put Donkey Kong on the naughty list."

"Justice is served!" Harold exclaimed as he pumped a fist into the air.

"Wait a minute," Sophia said, "Santa, how do you know Harold's name?"

"Sophia, dear, this is Santa Claus we're talking to," Harold pointed out, "Of course he knows my name. He knows the name of everyone in the world. How else do you think he comes up with his naughty or nice list?"

As Sakura and Ino helped Santa sit up properly, Father Christmas gave a yelp of pain. "Ah! My leg!" Santa cried out in pain.

After taking a quick look at it, Sakura said, "It's broken. Santa will be out of commission for at least a month and a half."

"But what about my duties tonight?" Santa asked, "There are kids here in Konoha that I must deliver gifts to!"

"I'm sorry Santa, but you need to take it easy," Sakura said firmly, "Plus, most of your reindeer are either dead, lame or missing. Who's going to pull your sleigh?"

Sighing in a resigned tone, Santa replied, "I suppose you have a point. But in all seriousness, there ARE gifts to deliver."

"Yo Santa, I'll do it," Harold declared as he raised a hand. Following Harold's lead were Inoichi and Tsume.

"…What?" Mebuki asked in a deadpan.

"Yeah, the dudes and I can totally deliver all of the Christmas gifts to the kids here in Konoha," Harold declared.

"Hey, Harold's got a point," Inoichi said to Mebuki, "Harold, Tsume and I can totally rock the whole Santa gig for Konoha's youth."

"Are you all sure you want to do this for me?" Santa asked Harold and his friends, "I mean, this _IS_ a big responsibility after all."

"Pfft, you worry too much, Father Christmas," Harold replied, "We'll be fine."

"…Well okay then," Santa said as he reached into a front pocket on his coat. Pulling out a small light tan draw-pouch, Santa said, "First things first Harold, I must sprinkle some Christmas dust over you, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru. This will enable you four to fly over Konoha and deliver the gifts."

"Question about this Christmas dust," Tsume interrupted as she raised a hand, "It won't make the guys and I fat, will it? Because I totally cannot rock the fat chick look."

"No, no it will not," Santa replied, "Although in addition to giving you, Harold, Inoichi and Kuromaru the ability to fly, it will also magically generate outfits for you all to wear." As a case in point, Santa cast a handful of dust over Harold and company; Harold and Inoichi both wore Santa outfits, Tsume wore an elf costume (complete with fake elf ears) (3), and Kuromaru wore a reindeer antler headband. Jerking a thumb at a sack in the back of his sleigh, Santa said to his volunteers, "That sack contains all of the gifts for the children of Konoha. Please hurry and deliver them all."

As Tsume, Inoichi and Kuromaru went to get the sack of gifts, Harold saluted Santa as he said, "You can count on us, Santa Claus. We'll get the deliveries done before the night is over!"

"Hey Santa, you said the dust you cast over us will let us fly," Tsume began, "How do we trigger the flight? Also, how long will we retain the ability to fly?"

"Jumping up with the intention to fly will trigger it," Santa explained, "And willing yourselves to land will let you do so. Also, the dust should wear off before morning."

"Okay, just wanted to clear that up," Tsume replied.

As Harold and company jumped up into the air, Harold looked down at everyone and said, "Don't worry, everyone! The boys and I are going to save Christmas!"

After Harold and company flew off, Michelle remarked, "Boy, won't this make for a good story to tell the grandkids."

* * *

The first stop Harold and his friends made was a lower-middle class home in Konoha. Taking out a list that he found in the sack of toys, Inoichi said, "Okay. This is the home of one Usagi Tsukino and her younger brother Shingo." (4)

"What does the list say we have to deliver to them?" Harold asked as he looked over Inoichi's shoulder.

"Apparently, miss Usagi gets a new MP3 player, and Shingo gets a copy of Pokémon Sun version," Inoichi replied, "…Hang on, Santa included a footnote on Shingo saying that the boy is always on the nice list. Well ain't that the neatest thing!"

After collecting the two gifts to drop off, Harold and company entered the Tsukino residence (they were able to slip in through a smoke stack thanks to the magic of the Christmas dust). About five seconds later, however, Harold and company could all be heard screaming; promptly following that you could hear the sounds of real battle. About a minute later, Harold and the guys all got out of the Tsukino residence. They all stood on the roof for a minute or so, breathing hard to catch their breath

* * *

As Harold and the gang flew over Konoha airspace to the next house, Harold said, "You know, I wish that Santa's footnote about that place included a warning that the kids' parents were both shell-shocked veteran ninja of Konoha."

"How are we going to explain to Santa that we had to kill the Tsukino parents in self-defense?" Inoichi asked in a worried tone.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Tsume said, "For now, let's focus on house number two."

"Well hey now!" Inoichi remarked as he looked at the list, "The next place we have to hit is Choji's! We get to deliver a gift to lil' Choba!"

As they landed on the roof of Choji's residence, Inoichi took out the list to see if there's anything made as a side note about Choji's family. "…It says here that Akimichi families leave the absolute best cookies, and as such each Akimichi gets one extra stocking stuffer-type item," Inoichi read aloud.

"Bribery will get you everywhere, it seems," Kuromaru remarked dryly as he and the humans entered Choji's place. When they entered, they saw that Choji and his family decorated much the same way Choza and his wife decorated their place (Inoichi and Harold both visited Choza's place to see the decoration).

Over on the coffee table, Harold and company saw a (very large) glass of milk placed next to a plate of cookies (that were piled very high). "…Wow, if every Akimichi household is like this one, then Santa will have to join us and Ten-ton in our regular dancing work-out," Tsume remarked as she walked over and took one cookie. Harold and Inoichi likewise took one cookie each themselves.

"The Akimichi clan ninjas are known for good-tasting food," Inoichi remarked, "I can't tell you how many times Michelle and Yoshino have asked Choza's wife for her cookie recipe."

"The hell is with women asking each other for recipes?" Tsume asked rhetorically, "It's not something that I understand." (5)

"Well I had just placed the gift for Choza's grandson under the tree prior to grabbing my cookie," Harold said to the others, "Let's bounce already. We got loads more houses to cover tonight."

"Is there any chocolate in those cookies, and if not Tsume can you grab one for me?" Kuromaru asked.

"Sure, we'll grab the lot," Tsume replied as she picked up the plate and took it with her and the guys.

As they left, Harold said, "Hey Tsume, you're going to return the plate, right? Because if Choza's wife is anything like Sophia and Michelle, she'll be real anal about plates and the like that belongs to her and her family."

"Relax, I'll return her plate eventually," Tsume replied as she ate another cookie.

* * *

As Harold and company landed on the roof of the next house they visited, Harold said, "So Inoichi my man, who's the lucky kid at this place?"

Taking out the list, Inoichi looked at it and said, "…A pair of orphaned twins who are currently the charges of one Mr. Atlas, Mr. Atlas's girlfriend, Mr. Atlas's three roommates, and the one roommate's girlfriend."

"Wait a minute," Kuromaru said as he took a quick look around. A stunned look on his face, Kuromaru said, "We've landed at the Atlas penthouse!"

"So this is how the rich and wasteful live, eh?" Tsume remarked casually as she proceeded to take a look around herself.

"You think Atlas took in the orphans to get tax breaks, or something?" Inoichi said as he and his friends magicked themselves into the large, stately home. Once inside, Harold and company took a look around.

"…Apparently, one of the orphans left a ramen cup for Santa," Kuromaru said when he noticed a prepared cup of ramen sitting on a coffee table next to a hand-written note for Santa. (6)

"Who does the kids think Santa is, Lord Sixth?" Harold asked in a confused tone.

"You know, it's actually been years since Naruto has had any ramen," Kuromaru said to the others, "Although that's probably due to Ichiraku Ramen having closed down years ago. A darn shame, too. That place always had nice smells coming from it."

"Well let's just leave the gifts for the kids and vamoose," Harold declared, "I get the feeling that if we stay here too long, we might get challenged to a children's card game. Or something." And so, Harold and the others took out the gifts for the twins, placed them under the Christmas tree, and took their leave.

As they gathered their bearings on the roof of the penthouse, Tsume said, "You know, I've been wondering. Why did Ramen Ichiraku close down in the first place? From all reports, the place was a successful business with regular customers." (7)

* * *

As Harold and company flew over Konoha airspace as they continued their Christmas quest, Inoichi checked the list again. "…Hey! We get to swing by the Uchiha residence next!" Inoichi remarked.

"Wait a minute, you mean my niece's place?" Harold asked.

Nodding in the affirmative, Inoichi continued, "The next kid we get to drop off a gift for is Haru!"

"Well hot damn! Let's get going, boys!" Harold proclaimed, "Follow my lead! I know the way!"

After a short flight, Harold and company landed on the roof of the Uchiha residence. Landing on the roof, Harold took the gift that was labeled for his grandnephew out of the sack of gifts for the youth of Konoha. "This is something that I have to do alone," Harold remarked to his friends, "You dudes understand, right?"

"Of course we understand, dude," Tsume replied, "And this all reminds me. If and when we get to bring a gift to my grandson, can one of you dudes swap costumes with me? It's Santa Claus who delivers the gifts to kids, not one of Santa's little helper elves."

"Sounds legit," Inoichi said as Harold went into the Uchiha residence alone.

Once inside, Harold looked around the darkened living room. Instantly spotting the Christmas tree, Harold walked over and placed the gift for Haru under the tree. As he turned around to leave, Harold spotted the coffee table in the living room. More specifically, the Fisher patriarch spotted a plate of cookies and a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager, along with a small wrapped gift next to that. Under the can of Harold's favorite drink, there was a hand-written note, which Harold picked up and read;

 _Dear Santa,_

 _The gift next to the cookies and beer if for my girlfriend, Natsu Uzumaki. I had intended to give it to her earlier today, but set up for the holidays was a bit hectic for all involved. I know that Natsu and some her clan doesn't celebrate Christmas, but could you please make sure she gets this gift anyway? I'd really appreciate it._

 _Sincerely, Haru Uchiha_

 _P.S.: The drink I left you in place of the traditional milk is a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager. My uncle Harold swears by it, so it must be a good adult drink._

Harold could not help but let a tear well up in the corner of his eye. Even during a holiday that Hiashi's granddaughter doesn't celebrate, Haru STILL thinks enough about the girl to get her a nice gift. Plus, Haru recommending Pape Konoha's Brand Lager to Santa simply because Harold and company loves the drink. Deciding to honor Haru's holiday wish, Harold collected both the gift and the can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager, then took his leave.

Once he was back on the roof of the Uchiha residence, Harold explained why he had taken so long to Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru. "…That is the sweetest thing ever," remarked the Inuzuka ninja dog.

"Plus, you gotta admit that it's pretty kickass that Haru's recommending our favorite drink to Father Christmas just because it's our favorite drink," Inoichi stated, drawing nods of agreement from the other humans.

"We'll be swinging by Hiashi's place when we're done delivering the other gifts, so we can drop of the gift for Haru's dorky little girlfriend then," Harold said, "But until then, we've got the rest of the village to worry about." As Harold and company took up into the air so they could fly to the next house, Harold popped open the can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager that he collected from the Uchiha residence.

"…Hey Harold, are you sure that you should be drinking and flying at the same time?" Kuromaru asked, "I don't think that it's a safe idea." (8)

* * *

After they had finished up the last of the deliveries, Harold and company returned to the Hyuga clan estate's back garden, where Santa Claus and the other adults were waiting. When the group landed from their flight, Harold walked up to Naruto and handed him the gift that was collected from the Uchiha residence. "Haru left this next to the cookies for Santa with a note asking if it can be delivered to your kid," Harold explained to the Hokage, "Can you make sure your kid gets this?"

"Heh, sure thing, Mr. Fisher," Naruto replied as he accepted the gift from Harold.

"Harold, Inoichi, Tsume, Kuromaru," Santa called out, "Can you four come over here?" Doing as they were asked, Harold and company approached the Spirit of Christmas. "I cannot thank you four enough for the work you've done in my place," Santa began, "Truly the meaning of Christmas is in the hearts of each and every one of you."

"Question, Santa," Tsume interrupted as she raised her hand, "Why didn't you include a warning about the Tsukino residence on your list that said that the parents were shell-shocked veteran ninja of Konoha? The boys and I were forced to kill the parents in self-defense when they attacked us."

"…Darn, I knew I was forgetting something," Santa said as he snapped his fingers.

"By the way, did you all find out who shot down Santa's sleigh and how?" Kuromaru asked.

"As it turns out, some Konoha ninja were practicing the Fireball technique," (9) Naruto explained, "They were taking every precaution, and they even had a jonin sensei supervising them. It just so happened that one of the fireballs went off course."

"So Santa getting shot down was a freak accident?" Harold asked. After Naruto nodded in the affirmative, Harold remarked, "Well at least there was no malicious intent involved."

"Indeed," Santa stated, "But that's all beside the point. Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru. I have a little something for everyone of you four. It's about high time I gave them to you, especially considering what you've done for me."

"But the Tsukino incident-" Tsume began, only for Santa to cut her off.

"-Is pretty much on me," Santa replied, "Now then, the four of you, despite any concerns that you may have, do deserve a little something for what you've done for me."

"For Inoichi," Santa began when he handed Inoichi a small wrapped box from one of the sacks of gifts, "A pocket watch to replace the one you lost a few years ago."

"Neat," Inoichi remarked when he received the wrapped gift.

"Open the gift and take a look," Santa added. Doing as he was bided, Inoichi unwrapped his gift and saw what the pocket watch looked like; it was a butter yellow in color, with soft pink trim, and on the cover of the pocket watch was an insignia of three butterflies.

"Aw, this is frigg'en sick!" Inoichi exclaimed excitedly, "Thank you, Santa!"

"For Tsume," Santa continued, handing the Inuzuka matriarch what appeared to be a wrapped DVD case. Opening the gift, Tsume saw that it was a blue-collar type comedy special on DVD.

"Dude! The blue-collar types are my favorite! And this is one I don't have yet!" Tsume said in an excited tone, "Thanks, Santa!"

"For Harold," Santa said as he handed Harold his gift; if one were to take a guess, it was an eight-inch-tall plushy that wasn't in a box. Unwrapping the gift, Harold went wide-eyed with shock when he beheld his new eight-inch-tall plushy of Knuckles the echidna.

"…Thank you…" Harold said to Father Christmas, unable to take his eyes away from his Knuckles plushy.

"And last but not least, the best good boy in Konoha," Santa said when he presented Kuromaru with his gift; a large (and I do mean _LARGE_ ) rawhide bone. (10) When he was given the rawhide bone, Kuromaru took it, then ran to the other side of the sleigh so no one would see him with his new treasure, lest someone get jealous and try to take it from him.

Smirking, Tsume said to Santa with a chuckle, "The only reason why Kuromaru didn't thank you is because his animal instincts took over the instant he saw the rawhide bone. But I'm sure he's thankful."

"Now then," Santa said as he turned to face his sleigh, wincing from the pain in his leg, "I must be heading back to Oh sweet milk and cookies I forgot to deliver the gifts to Shikaru and Inohime!"

"Ehh, Ino and I can make sure they get them," Shikamaru said, "No need to sweat it, Santa."

"Wait a minute," Inoichi said, getting the attention of everyone else, "I have an idea."

"If your idea is what I think it is, then I'll have to switch from this Santa costume to an elf costume," Harold remarked.

* * *

Early on Christmas morning, Shikaru Nara was woken up by his little sister. Looking at Inohime, Shikaru said when he looked at his digital alarm clock on his nightstand, "…It's five-thirty-two in the morning."

"But Christmas!" Inohime said excitedly.

"Can't this wait until, like, seven or so?" Shikaru asked, "It's not like-"

"HO HO HO!" a loud and jolly-sounding voice boomed from downstairs, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"What the?!" Shikaru exclaimed as he got out of bed and led his little sister down to the living room. When they got there, they saw Inoichi dressed as Santa Claus, Harold and Tsume dressed as elves, and Kuromaru dressed as a reindeer (it was still just his reindeer antler headband). Shikaru knew full well that it was his grandfather and said grandfather's friends. Inohime, on the other hand, ran up and tackle-hugged Inoichi.

"I hear that you two have been very good children this year," Inoichi said as he placed a sack he was carrying on the floor. Opening the bag, Inoichi took out a gift and handed it to Inohime while saying, "For the good little girl, a doll of Pinkie Pie from Equestria Girls."

"Yay!" Inohime exclaimed as she hugged Inoichi, thanking 'Santa' for the gift. Shikaru could not help but smile; even though he knew that Inoichi and the other older ninja were doing this mostly for Inohime's benefit, (11) the Nara boy thought that the scene was pretty heartwarming.

"And for the good little boy," Inoichi said as he handed Shikaru a gift, "A new game for his handheld game system."

"Cool," Shikaru remarked as he received the new video game, "Thanks for the new game." In a knowing tone, Shikaru added, "Santa."

"Hey Santa, Inohime has favor to ask," Inohime said.

"Oh? And what would that be?" Inoichi asked, leaning in to hear what the young Nara girl was going to ask.

"Can Santa make sure Santa reindeer not run over Inohime grandmas?" Inohime asked. (12)

Smiling, Inoichi replied with a chuckle, "Sure thing, young lady. But I need you and your brother to do me a favor in return."

"What's the favor?" Shikaru replied.

"I need the both of you to enjoy Christmas," Inoichi replied.

"Inohime always like Christmas!" Inohime declared.

Chuckling softly, Shikaru said, "Sure thing, Santa. You enjoy yourself too, okay?"

Giving his grandson a thumbs-up, Inoichi said, "Sure thing, kiddo. Have a Merry Christmas."

After Inoichi and the others took their leave, Harold remarked, "Well wasn't that the sweetest thing."

"Yes, but there's a more pressing matter to attend to," Kuromaru stated. To Tsume, Kuromaru said, "Can I have my rawhide bone back?"

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Author's Notes:

(1) Harold, Inoichi and Tsume are all idiots, so of course they would think that a dreidel is a Beyblade.

(2) As he is the Hokage, Naruto can give orders to Sakura (within reason).

(3) It wasn't a sexy elf costume.

(4) I have a friend in real life who would love this reference.

(5) Uhh, Tsume…

(6) It's probably wasn't either of the twins who left the cup ramen for Santa.

(7) This is something that I'd like to touch upon.

(8) If drinking and _driving are_ bad...

(9) At least in the anime, various non-Uchiha have been seen using the Fireball technique.

(10) It's about a foot long (not counting the knobby ends), and thick enough so that an adult's hand could barely grip it.

(11) She's four. What else would you expect?

(12) After hearing a certain holiday song, Inohime believes that all reindeer want to run over Michelle and Yoshino.

This is how the holidays would go down in Konoha (well, the Konoha in this series, at least) if Harold and his friends were put in charge. I hope that everyone, regardless of whatever religious beliefs they have, enjoys the holidays.

Try not to fill up on Figgie Pudding.


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-nine: To advise a Hokage (AKA a Whole Episode Flashback that Harold uses to tell the story of the Fourth Hokage's first days on the job)

One early January day in the village of Konohagakure, Naruto Uzumaki, the current Hokage, was in his office, working on some forms at his desk. In the office talking with Naruto were Sasuke and Sakura Uchiha. A stunned look crossed Naruto's face after Sakura had finished recounting a story from her work at Konoha General. "…So Kankuro was the only person to have survived the motel explosion," Naruto said slowly, "How?"

"He had one of the Konoha-brand Pod Shields on hand at the time of the explosion," Sakura explained, "The only thing Kankuro suffered was a loss of hearing which, thanks to the medical expertise of the medic ninjas of Konoha General, proved to only be temporary. Kankuro's hearing had returned to him in full sometime yesterday."

Sitting back in his chair, Naruto sighed before saying, "You know, I wonder how previous Hokage would deal with any stress that they felt because of the stupidity of those working under them."

"I demand an explanation, Lord Sixth!" a familiar voice shouted in demand; not one second later, Harold Fisher, one of Konoha's oldest active jonin (one of the oldest active shinobi overall) and the uncle of Sakura, came walking, almost stomping, into Naruto's office.

"Speaking of the stupidity of those working under Naruto," Sakura muttered under her breath.

"Can I help you with something, Mr. Fisher?" Naruto asked, pinching the top of his nose bridge.

"I would like to know why the price of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager has jumped by six ryo per twelve pack!" the Fisher patriarch demanded.

"I'm not in charge of stuff like that!" Naruto remarked, "You'll have to take it up with whatever store's selling it!"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Harold said, "Boy, if Lord Fourth were alive, he'd totally help me and my buds out of our pinch! Inoichi, Tsume and I were his three advisors, after all."

"Wait, what?!" Sasuke said in a tone of total disbelief, "The three of you were the Fourth Hokage's advisors? Are you serious?!"

"Well technically, Kuromaru was also an advisor since Tsume always brought him along, so in reality Lord Fourth got four advisors for the price of three," Harold replied.

"…I would like to hear more about this," Naruto replied; not only had the sixth lord just verbally wished to learn more about the previous Hokage, but Naruto had another reason for wanting to learn more about Lord Fourth. (1) Both Sasuke and Sakura regarded their friend and teammate with surprised looks.

"…Naruto, are you sure you want to do this?" Sakura said, "You know how crazy the stories that my uncle or either of his friends tell can get."

"Yeah, I asked about his teenage years this one time, and I got some spiel about Knuckles the Echidna and Aquaman," Sasuke offered, "I'm going to have to side with Sakura on this one."

"If I get to learn more about the Fourth Hokage, then I'll put up with whatever," Naruto replied.

"Well alright, we got us a story time!" Harold proclaimed as he walked over to the side wall of the office, grabbed the one end of the two-seater sofa, and proceeded to drag it over and around so that it was a few feet in front of and facing Naruto's desk. The Fisher patriarch proceeded to do the same with an armchair, putting it right up next to the two seater sofa on its right (if you were facing it while standing behind Naruto's desk).

Gesturing to the armchair he moved, Harold said to Naruto, "Lord Sixth, if you would be so kind." Mildly confused but not caring due to the allure of potentially learning more about the Fourth Hokage, Naruto got up from his desk and sat in the armchair. At Harold's direction, Sasuke and Sakura sat in the two seater sofa, with Sakura sitting between Sasuke and Naruto. Taking a seat in Naruto's desk chair, Harold faced the three younger adults as he said, "Now then kiddies, you better get comfortable, because this is a long one."

* * *

(OVER THIRTY YEARS AGO)

(KONOHAGAKURE, HOKAGE OFFICE BUILDING)

Minato Namikaze was standing in his new office in the Hokage office building. It was his first day as the fourth Hokage of Konohagakure. Looking at the wall where portraits of the previous Hokages hung, Minato truly felt humbled; he was now doing what they had done before him. However, whereas Minato was collected and quiet, his wife Kushina, who had come to the office with him for some reason, could not contain her excitement. Her husband was officially the biggest big wig of Konoha now, after all.

"You're the Hokage now, Minato!" Kushina exclaimed excitedly, "This is your office!"

"Y-yes, it is my office now, dear," Minato replied, mildly taken by surprise by his wife's enthusiasm; he knew that Kushina would be excited over him being Hokage now, but Minato had realized that he had underestimated his wife's excitement. Running over to the big desk in the room, Kushina started swiping her hands all over the desk's surface.

"This is your desk!" Kushina exclaimed.

"That is my desk," Minato replied, realizing that his wife was now momentarily lost.

Sitting in the desk chair behind Minato's desk, Kushina started spinning around in it as she called out, "This is your chair!"

"Yes, that is my chair," Minato replied, and adding, " _Not a ride_ ," in his mind.

Getting out of the chair, Kushina ran over to the two seater sofa against the one wall and laid on it. "This is your sofa!" Kushina exclaimed, "And it's loads more comfortable than the one that we have at home! Let's swap them!"

"I don't think I can get away with that," Minato pointed out. (2)

"Pfft, you're the Hokage, hon!" Kushina replied in a dismissive tone, "You can do whatever you want!"

"Technically I am just as bound by Konoha law as the average citizen," Minato said, "And one of the things I'm pretty sure that folks will frown upon is if I swap the sofa in my office here for the one we have at home."

"But this is a really soft sofa!" Kushina insisted, "I bet that if we do swap them, the next time Mikoto comes over to visit, I bet that little Itachi will totally fall asleep on it and it will be so adorable to look at because you know Mikoto always brings little Itachi with her whenever she comes to visit and-"

Kushina was cut off when the door to Minato's office was thrown open. Immediately afterwards, Harold Fisher came dancing in, followed by Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka; all three ninja were wearing matching fedoras (white with black bands) and were holding them so that the rims were over the left eye. All three were doing jazz hands with their right hand as they came in one by one. Once all three of them were in the office, they stood next to each other and they continued to dance in place, strutting forward a few steps, then backwards a few steps, and kept that up for a few more seconds before they fell to their knees, throwing off their fedoras for an extra flare. After this, Kuromaru came trotting into the room, looking mildly embarrassed.

"Can I…help you three?" Minato asked the three ninja.

As the three ninjas got up, Harold said as Tsume went about collecting the fedoras, "Well first off, the boys and I just wanted to give you a big congrats on scoring the Hokage job."

"Top kek!" Inoichi declared, giving Minato double thumbs up.

"Well thank you for the consideration," Minato replied, "I'll have to admit, I wasn't expecting anyone to congratulate me with a little dance number."

"Is there anything else we can help you with?" Kushina asked Harold and company, "Because Minato has a lot on his plate. He's the Hokage now, after all."

"The boys and I are also here on some official business," Harold continued. More directly to Minato, Harold said, "As you are aware, as the Hokage, you can have up to three advisors."

"Oh, that reminds me!" Kushina exclaimed, "Minato, dear, I took the liberty of scouting out some potential candidates to fill the three advisor positions."

"Who did you have in mind, dear?" asked Minato.

"I was thinking Mikoto, Michelle and Mebuki," Kushina replied, "I think the three of them would help you lead Konoha into the right-"

"BHUHAHAHAHAHAH!" Tsume laughed loudly as she held her arms over her stomach.

Regarding the Inuzuka matriarch, Kushina said in a mildly offended tone, "Is there a problem, Tsume?"

"Dude, with all due respect, your ideas for advisors to the Hokage suck," Tsume replied as she wiped a tear from her right eye.

"She's right, you know," Inoichi remarked, "As much as I dearly love my wife, Michelle does not have what it takes to advise a Hokage on matters prevalent to Konoha."

"Out of your three choices for advisors, only one of them, Mikoto, has any experience being a ninja," Tsume continued, "And even then, she has long since retired from active duty in order to be a housewife. I swear, you don't see Mikoto anywhere in Konoha without that little snot of hers following her around."

"Itachi is adorable and you leave him alone!" Kushina snapped at Tsume, "Besides which Tsume, aren't you a mother yourself?"

"Yes, but there's a difference between that little turd of Mikoto's and my daughter Hana."

"Oh? And what might that be?" Kushina asked somewhat sarcastically.

"…Hana is not a turd," Tsume replied. Before Kushina could explode at the Inuzuka matriarch, Minato quickly covered his wife's mouth with his left hand.

"So Harold," Minato began quickly, "You brought up me getting up to three advisors."

"Yes I did," the fisher patriarch replied, "And you have no need to scout them out. You wanna know why? Your three advisors-" Harold paused as he gestured to himself, Inoichi and Tsume. "-Right here, man," Harold finished. Out of a mild amount of shock, Minato let the hand he was covering Kushina's mouth with drop.

A bemused look on her face, Kushina replied in a monotone, "…What?"

"Now keep in mind that if you do make the three of your advisors, you're really getting four advisors for the price of three," Harold began.

"What do you mean?" Minato asked, mildly curious.

"There's me, Inoichi, Tsume, and Kuromaru," Harold replied.

"…You mean Tsume's dog?" Kushina replied in a tone of disbelief.

Looking up at Kushina, Kuromaru said in a somewhat sarcastic tone, "Hello there. My name is Kuromaru, and I am NOT judging you based on your species."

Stunned by the fact that Kuromaru could talk, Kushina said quietly, "Well okay then."

"Plus, unlike your wife's selection, which only has one person with ninja experience, the boys and I are all experienced ninja," Harold continued.

"I don't necessarily see how being a ninja would make one a better advisor to the Hokage," Kushina remarked.

To Kushina, Inoichi said, "Well your husband is a NINJA, in a NINJA village. Forgive my friends and I for thinking this, but we had it in our heads that being a ninja MIGHT be a good thing for anyone who's an advisor to Minato."

"You guys…do have a valid point," Minato remarked as he stroked his chin. Looking more directly at Harold and company, Minato said, "Alright, tell you guys what. I'll make the four of you my advisors on a trial basis. I'll let you four have the job for a week, during which time I'll be judging your ability to perform the job. If I'm satisfied, I'll keep you guys on longer. Sound fair?" (3)

"Pretty damn fair, actually," Tsume remarked, "And thank you for acknowledging Kuromaru as an equal member of Konoha society."

"I know how much the Inuzuka shinobi value their ninja dogs, and many of Konoha's greatest heroes of the past were, in fact, Inuzuka clan ninja dogs," Minato replied kindly, "I've got to give credit where credit is due."

After Harold and the others took their leave, Kushina turned to face her husband. "I think you've made a terrible mistake," Kushina remarked casually.

"Only time will tell, honey," Minato replied.

"I suppose you've got a point, dear," Kushina said, "Now then, about swapping our sofa at home for the one in your office here…"

* * *

The next afternoon, Shikaku Nara and Choza Akimichi were sitting next to each other at the counter of a local bar in Konoha. As Choza practically shoved a handful of mini pretzels into his mouth, Fugaku Uchiha came walking up to the two men. "Congratulations on the new job that you guys got," the leader of the Uchiha clan congratulated, patting Shikaku on the back (he was siting closest to the bar's open doorway). Both the leader of the Nara and the leader of the Akimichi had confused expressions.

"New job?" Shikaku said questioningly, "What are you on about, Fugaku?"

"One of the men in my clan told me, and I'm quoting him on this one, 'Inoichi Yamanaka and two of his friends are the advisors to the Fourth Hokage'," Fugaku explained. With the other two men continuing to wear confused expressions, Fugaku continued, "It's quite obvious to me that by two of Inoichi Yamanaka's friends, he was referring to the two of you."

"…Choza and I aren't Minato's advisors," Shikaku replied. Now it was the turn of the leader of the Uchiha to wear a confused expression.

"What are you talking about?" Fugaku asked, "If the two of you are not the 'two friends of Inoichi' that one of my clansmen mentioned, then who exactly _are_ the two friends?"

"Yo dudes, check it!" the familiar voice of Inoichi called out, drawing the attention of everyone in the bar to the open doorway; at that moment, Inoichi walked in with Harold and Tsume. All three of them were wearing matching black mitres that had red-violet cloth hanging from it, draping over their shoulders. The mitres also had gold bands going around them approximately in the middle; in the center on the front of these bands were rubies, with a large red feather jetting up from the rubies.

"…You have got to be kidding me," Fugaku muttered under his breath as he and the two men he was talking to watched Harold, Inoichi and Tsume all enter the bar. As Kuromaru came trotting into the bar after Tsume, Shikaku got up and walked over to the group.

"Inoichi, man, what are you and your idiot patrol up to?" Shikaku asked, "And what the hell are up with those hats? You all look like Jafar."

"Well Shikaku my good man, Harold, Tsume and I are Lord Fourth's new advisors," Inoichi explained to his fellow Ino-Shika-Cho trio member, "So obviously, we all had to get appropriate hats for the job."

"It's as I feared," Fugaku muttered under his breath; Choza, the only one who had heard what the Uchiha leader said, had to suppress a chuckle.

"Why the three of you, though?" Shikaku asked the advisors, "What are you trying to get at with this whole shtick of yours?"

"The boys and I have loads of good ideas on how to improve Konoha," Tsume said, "Also, Minato is a cool dude, so he has to have other cool dudes advising him."

"Tsume, you're just saying that because not only did Lord Fourth acknowledge my being there, but he also referred to me as an equal entity," Kuromaru remarked.

"Besides which, if the boys and I didn't become Lord Fourth's advisors, then Lord Fourth would have gone ahead and chosen his wife's picks for the job," Harold replied.

A curious look on his face, Fugaku asked, "Who did Kushina suggest to Minato for the job?"

"My wife, your wife, and Harold's little sister," Inoichi explained to Fugaku, "Personally, and with all due respect, the boys and I believe that those three don't have what it takes to advise a Hokage."

"Well maybe not Michelle or Mebuki," Fugaku replied, "But Mikoto is a jonin-ranked Konoha shinobi." (4)

"WAS a jonin-ranked Konoha shinobi," Tsume pointed out, "She retired from active duty in order to be a housewife and to raise that little turd the two of you made."

"D-did you just insult my four-year-old son?!" Fugaku exclaimed, partly-shocked, partly-disgusted.

"With all due respect, I don't see where you have any leeway to argue," Kuromaru said to the Uchiha leader, "I mean, you DID take Itachi to see a battlefield littered with corpses. On the boy's fourth birthday, no less." (5)

"Because I felt it prudent that he learns about the nature of what it means to be a ninja," Fugaku replied. Turning his gaze at Tsume, Fugaku added, "In fact, I'm not the only parent who took their four-year-old child to a battlefield."

"Hey, at least I didn't bring Hana to that battlefield to teach her about the harsh reality of the world we live in!" Tsume snapped defensively.

"In any case, I hope that the lot of you keep yourselves on good behavior tomorrow," Fugaku said, "From what I heard, Lord Fourth will be entertaining an important visitor."

"…Important visitor?" Harold repeated in a confused tone. Turning to face his friends, Harold said, "How come Minato didn't mention that little tidbit to us?"

"Gee, I cannot fathom why," Kuromaru muttered sarcastically under his breath.

"Lord Third will be dropping in to visit Lord Fourth tomorrow," Choza said as he got up from his stool and walked over, having heard what path the conversation was taking and deciding to throw his two ryo in since he knew about the visit in question. With all eyes on him, Choza said, "From what Minato told me, it's just going to be a friendly visit where Lord Third means to see how Minato is settling into the job. They'll probably enjoy some tea or some other refreshment, shoot the breeze briefly, then Lord Third will go back enjoying retirement."

"…Yo guys," Harold said, "You think Lord Third will like Pape Konoha's Brand Lager?"

"Do you three honestly think it's a good idea for a man Lord Third's age to be drinking alcohol?" Fugaku asked incredulously.

"Actually, Lord Third's favorite drink is Pape Konoha's Brand Lager," Shikaku pointed out, "I should know, as a few months before he stepped down as Hokage, when I visited him at his place, he tossed me a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager from his fridge. When I opened the fridge, I saw that the shelves on the inside of the door, as well as all of the bottom-most shelf, were stocked with cans of Pape Konoha's."

To Inoichi and the others, Shikaku said, "So actually, getting some Pape Konoha's might actually be a good idea."

"Woohoo!" Tsume cheered as she pumped both fists into the air.

"Although if I were you guys, I'd eighty-six the hats before the visit tomorrow," Shikaku added.

"Hey, I bet that Lord Third would get a kick out of the totally awesome advisor hats the boys and I are all wearing!" Inoichi defended.

* * *

The next morning, Harold and company, with all three humans wearing their advisor hats, were standing outside of the Hokage office building, waiting for it to open; as they wanted to get an early start, they showed up a short bit before the building opened for the day. Sitting on the ground at Tsume's feet were two twelve packs of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager. "Hey, don't you think Lord Third would like some pretzels to go with the good stuff?" Harold suggested rhetorically to his friends as he pointed to the twelve packs of Pape Konoha's.

"Oh snap!" Tsume exclaimed, "I'll go run off and grab a bag or two from the store right now! Kuromaru, you stay here with Harold and Inoichi so that you can help guard the lager!"

After Tsume ran off, Kuromaru said when he turned to face the men, "You know, this isn't the first time that Tsume's left me to guard alcohol for her while she ran off to do something."

As the three guys were standing around still waiting for the Hokage office building to open for the day, they heard a familiar voice call out, "Oh, hello there Harold and Inoichi! Good morning!" The guys turned to see Mikoto Uchiha come walking up. Holding onto Mikoto's left hand was a very sleepy-looking four-year-old Itachi. "Hello and good morning to you as well, Kuromaru," the Uchiha matriarch greeted Kuromaru with a smile. A mildly puzzled look crossing her face, Mikoto added, "Say Kuromaru, where's Tsume?"

"She left me to guard lager for her so she could run off to buy pretzels," explained the Inuzuka ninja dog.

"Well at least you can do the job well," Mikoto remarked. Suddenly, Itachi let go of his mother's hand; the young Uchiha boy walked up to Kuromaru and started petting the top of his head. This drew furious tail-wagging from Kuromaru; as thanks for the petting, Kuromaru licked Itachi's face, drawing a small giggle from the four-year-old. "Aww, well isn't that sweet," Mikoto remarked at the sight of her four-year-old son innocently playing with a dog. To Harold and Inoichi, Mikoto said, "So what are you gentlemen waiting outside the Hokage office building for?"

"The boys and I are aiming to get ready for a very important mission," Inoichi began.

A mildly worried look on her face, Mikoto said, "So the rumors Mebuki and Kushina told me about are true."

"…Rumors?" Harold repeated, "What rumors?"

"That ninja from a hostile village have infiltrated Konoha," Mikoto explained in a worried tone, "And are aiming to assassinate Lord Third."

"Wait, what?!" Harold, Inoichi and Kuromaru all exclaimed in unison.

"Kuromaru, what did I tell you about licking turds?!" Tsume's voice called out as she walked back over to the scene; in her right hand was a plastic grocery bag containing two bags of snack pretzels.

In a mildly annoyed tone (6), Mikoto said, "Good morning, Tsume. How's little Hana doing?"

"Playing princess at home with the rings and other jewelry that she helped me collect," Tsume replied casually (7), "And to what do the boys and I owe this visit?"

"I was heading out to do some early morning shopping," Mikoto replied, "Fugaku has some work to handle, so I brought Itachi with me because he's too young to leave alone. Anyway, I saw Kuromaru and your friends waiting here, so I decided to greet them and talk for a bit."

"Hey Tsume, Mikoto mentioned rumors of hostile ninja aiming to assassinate Lord Third today," Harold said, "She said that when Inoichi brought up the fact that we have an important mission today."

"The important mission we have today?" Tsume repeated, "You mean making sure that Lord third has plenty of pretzels and Pape Konoha's during his visit today, right?"

Nodding in the affirmative, Harold pointed to Tsume commandingly as he said, "That's the one."

The look of worry returning to her features, Mikoto said, "I really cannot stand the idea of hostile ninja being in Konoha." Rubbing her stomach, Mikoto added, "I want Konoha to be a safe place for my children to grow up in."

"…Oh you have got to be kidding me," Tsume said as a look of dawning realization appeared on her face, "You're having another one?"

"I'm thinking Sasuke if it's a boy," Mikoto remarked, "You know, in honor of Lord Third's father. As for if it's a girl…"

"Oh, why don't you use the name Sakura?" Harold suggested.

"…As in Lord Third's mother?" Mikoto replied. (8)

Nodding in the affirmative, Harold said, "This way, regardless if your second child's a boy or a girl, you'll still be honoring the parentage of Lord Third."

Smiling at Harold, Mikoto said, "Thank you for the suggestion, Harold. What Sophia has been saying about you is right on the money. I just wished that Mebuki shared your wife's ideas about you." After saying farewell to Harold and company, Mikoto and Itachi took their leave.

"Pfft," Tsume said in disgust, "Can you guys believe Mikoto is having a _second_ child?"

"Well the Uchiha clan _is_ one of Konoha's four great ninja clans," Harold remarked, "I'm pretty sure that means that Mikoto and Fugaku can afford a second child."

"Dude, if I ever end up making a little sibling for Hana, he or she will be loads cooler than any frigg'en child that Mikoto can ever pop out," Tsume stated.

"Well that's all well and good, you guys," Kuromaru said to the humans, "But we've got a pressing matter to attend to. Mikoto said that she heard rumors of a possible assassination attempt on Lord Third."

"Dude, you're right!" Harold said, "We've got to do some investigating to find the assassins before they strike and take out Lord Third!"

* * *

Later, Harold and company were patrolling all over the Hokage office building as Minato received his important visitor. When Harold and Inoichi met up in a hallway, the Fisher patriarch asked, "Yo dude, did either you, Tsume and/or Kuromaru find anything yet?"

Shaking his head in the negative, Inoichi replied, "Sorry, dude. We've come up with jack-squat." As the men talked, Tsume and Kuromaru came walking up.

"Hey Harold, you're apparently in charge of reviewing the staff that works here in the Hokage office building, so maybe you can tell us this," Tsume began, "Those two chicks and one dude, all of them being dark-skinned, who are working various jobs on the ground floor. Are they new here?"

"Well of course they are, since this is the first I'm ever hearing of those guys," Harold replied.

"Damn it, Harold, keeping track of new employees is a very serious and important job!" snapped Kuromaru, "How can you forget to review the employee roster?!"

"I haven't," Harold replied as he pulled out a list from his flask jacket. Unfolding the list, Harold read and reviewed it carefully, and after half a minute or so he said, "We haven't hired any new workers here in the Hokage office building. In fact, the last time anyone was hired to work here was back when Lord Third was still the active Hokage."

"…Maybe we should go talk to these new 'employees', then?" Kuromaru suggested, "Awfully suspicious for them to not turn up until now, and right when there's rumors going around of hostile ninja aiming to assassinate Lord Third." Harold and the others nodded, and together the four of them went down to the main floor to talk to the new 'employees'.

When they got there, Harold and company immediately spotted the two women of the trio; as Tsume had said, the women were both dark-skinned. "Excuse me, ladies," Harold called out, getting the attention of the women.

"…Can we help you?" asked the first woman, a slim yet healthy woman in her early to mid-twenties with straight, shoulder length dishwater-blonde hair.

"My associates and I need to talk to you about the apparent absence of you being hired to work here in the official records," Inoichi began.

"What's with the hats the three of you are wearing?" asked the second woman; just as tall as her companion, she had a noticeably thicker body, yet it was nowhere near big enough to warrant immediate alarm or concern. This second woman had the same length and style of hair as her companion, except the second woman's hair was light brown in color.

"Oh, my friends and I are the three advisors to Lord Fourth," Harold explained, "And as we are advisors, we all figured that we should get the appropriate headwear for the job."

"…Those hats make you all look like Jafar," remarked the first woman in a casual manner.

"Yeah, they get that a lot," Kuromaru replied. As Harold and company talked to the two women, the third dark-skinned person, the only male of the trio, came walking up; he was as tall as the two women, and about as slim as the first one. The dark-skinned man's hair was the same length at the hair of the women, although his hair was jet black, and somewhat wild-looking. The dark-skinned man was carrying a tray of mini sandwiches.

Looking at Harold and company, the dark-skinned man said, "Can we help you?"

"Oh, that's the guy of the trio," Tsume said to her friends as she pointed to the dark-skinned man.

"Yeah, my associates and I are here to ask you and these two women some questions," Inoichi began.

"What kind of questions?" asked the dark-skinned man.

"They concern the apparent lack of any records of you and these two women having been hired to work here in the Hokage office building," Kuromaru began, "We were wondering-"

"HOLY CRAP, A TALKING DOG!" the dark-skinned man exclaimed, dropping the tray he was carrying in surprise and leaping back.

"THEY'RE THE HOSTILE NINJA!" Tsume shouted as she and the guys leapt back; suddenly, the three dark-skinned employees, having turned out to be the hostile ninja aiming to assassinate the Third Hokage, took kunai out from hidden places on their respective persons.

"Damn, we've been found out," hissed the second woman, "The mission's failed! We've got to fall back!"

"Like hell we'll let the lot of you escape!" Harold declared as he and his friends gave chase to the fleeing enemy ninja.

As Harold and company chased the dark-skinned ninja out of the Hokage office building, the fleeing trio all fell over face-first. When Harold and company caught up, with Harold and Inoichi proceeding to knock out and capture the dark-skinned ninja, Tsume and Kuromaru looked around; as such, they discovered that the reason why the dark-skinned ninja all tripped was because Hana and Itachi had pulled a trip-rope trap. "…Hana was aiming to trip ice cream man so Hana and Hana boyfriend can get ice cream," explained the four-year-old Inuzuka girl.

"Wait, you're what with the boy?!" Tsume exclaimed.

"This Hana boyfriend now," Hana explained as she pointed to Itachi.

"HA! Good job, Hana!" Kuromaru exclaimed in laughter as Tsume visibly shook with a mix of confusion and annoyance. Later, as the three ninja, having turned out to be Kumo ninja, were brought in and interrogated, Harold and company, escorting two four-year-old kids who were gotten one ice cream cone each, met up with Minato, Kushina and Lord Third.

"So yeah Minato and Lord Third," Harold said to the Hokages, "The boys and I, with the unexpected help of Tsume's kid and Fugaku's kid, captured the three Kumo ninja."

"Not only did you capture hostile ninja, saving my life in the process, but you also revealed apparent Kumo plots against Konoha in the process," Lord Third said, "The three of you are heroes for sure! Also, what's with the hats?"

"Oh, Inoichi, Tsume and I are Minato's three advisors," Harold explained, "So we figured that we'd get the appropriate headwear for the job."

"Who says you're going to keep the job?" Kushina remarked in a mildly annoyed tone, "Minato said that it would be on a trial basis."

"And I am happy to say that I'll be making you three my advisors on an official basis," Minato added.

"…What?" Kushina said in a monotone, looking at her husband with a neutral expression.

"You three have certainly proven yourselves as not only competent on the job, but worthy of it as well," Minato said to Harold and company, "Therefore, I am officially making the three of you my three advisors."

"Woohoo!" Tsume cheered, pumping both fists into the air.

"You won't regret this dude," Harold said as he took up Minato's right hand and shook it.

"I certainly hope I won't," Minato replied.

"Lord Fourth, you making the boys and I your official advisors won't be a mistake," Inoichi said as he took up Minato's other hand to shake it, "And if I am wrong, then may Konoha get attacked by the Kyubi."

"Pfft, like that will ever happen," Kushina dismissed in a casual tone.

"I have to agree," Lord Third said to the Yamanaka patriarch, "The Kyubi attacking Konoha. That's a good one, Inoichi!" After that, everyone shared a good laugh.

* * *

(FLASHBACK OVER)

"…And that's how Inoichi, Tsume, Kuromaru and I saved Konoha," Harold said as he concluded his story to Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura, "The end." All three of the younger adults were looking at the older jonin with looks of mixed emotions, although confusion was prevalent on all three of their faces.

"…Kumo ninja tried to assassinate Lord Third?" Sakura remarked in a surprised tone.

"…My brother had an early childhood fling with Kiba's older sister?" Sasuke said, just as quietly and as surprised as his wife.

"…Did you and the others really found out the assassins just because one of them freaked out over seeing Kuromaru talk?" Naruto said in a questioning tone.

"All that and more!" Harold declared as he got up from Naruto's desk. Walking to in front of Naruto's desk, Harold sat on the surface, his legs dangling above the floor, as he said, "Well then, kiddies. Was that a good story or what?"

"Actually…" Naruto replied slowly, "…Yeah. Yeah that was a good story. I got a good amount of insight about the Fourth Hokage. Thank you, Mr. Fisher."

"You want that the boys and I should offer our old advisor hats to your advisors, Lord Sixth?" Harold offered.

"…Yeah, I don't think that's going to be necessary, Mr. Fisher," Sasuke said as kindly as he could manage.

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Author's Notes:

(1) If you don't know why, then leave. Leave right now.

(2) Never let it be said that the Fourth Hokage was not a reasonable man.

(3) I think it's fair.

(4) It's true. Look it up if you don't believe me.

(5) This is also true.

(6) Well how would you feel if someone basically called your four-year-old child a turd while you were within earshot?

(7) And that is why Tsume brought her four-year-old child to a battlefield that was littered with corpses.

(8) Possible head-canon, maybe?

Well, there's chapter twenty-nine for you. I realized that I may have gotten a few things wrong in terms of when they happened, but I'm assuming that there's enogh room in the time table to allow any possible errors at least some leeway. Anywho, I have one more idea for a chapter before I'm going to have to take a break from writing chapters for this story. But more chapters WILL happen.


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter thirty: Father and son (AKA a man tries to be a Parental Substitute to his adopted son)

One early-to-mid January day in the village of Konohagakure, Inoichi and Michelle Yamanaka were called in to an office located somewhere in the business district of Konoha. The two older people were sitting in chairs in front of a desk, at which a mid-thirties secretary sat. "So then, I am going to assume that you two would like to know why we had called you in," the secretary said to the older Yamanakas; the secretary was a slim woman (not the kind of slim that was also healthy) with darkish-brown hair pulled up into a tight bun. She wore thick-framed glasses, a white long-sleeved dress blouse, a light grey skirt that reached her knees, and shinobi sandals; the fact that the secretary wore a Konoha shinobi headband showed that the woman was at one point a ninja, but the fact that she was now working this job meant something had happened.

"Ah yes," replied Inoichi, "My wife and I would appreciate an explanation. The last time that we had come to Konoha's local adoption office was when we tried to adopt that young boy thirty years ago."

"I really wish that our efforts hadn't ultimately failed," Michelle remarked sadly, "That boy seemed like such a nice child, it's a darn shame that he was an orphan in the first place. My husband here was looking forward to having a son, and we bet that our daughter Ino would have loved having a brother."

"Well, some of the people working in the Konoha adoption agency were going over some files in a recent clean-up," the secretary remarked, "During the clean-up, we came across some paperwork that I am certain the two of you will find interesting."

"Paperwork?" Inoichi replied in a tone that was three parts confused, seven parts curious.

Laying a folder on her desk, the secretary slid it carefully towards the older Yamanaka couple. "This is the file in question," the secretary began, "They are the adoption papers that the two of you submitted thirty some odd years ago"

Straightening somewhat, the secretary went on, "It's all of the necessary paperwork. And it's all been filled out properly. And APPROVED." Hearing the last part made both older Yamanakas go wide-eyed with shock. Continuing, the secretary said, "The two of you have, officially and legally, been the parents of the boy you were aiming to adopt thirty some odd years ago. The fact that the two of you had not been informed of this until just now, leading your adopted son to continue living without knowing he had a family to this day, is just more proof that the adoption agency of this village is in desperate need of a major overhaul."

"We…" Michelle said as she held her hands over her mouth as tears started running down the sides of her face, "…We actually have a son…"

"Yes Mr. and Mrs. Yamanaka," the secretary said as she typed away on the keyboard of her computer, "Just let me pull up the file on your son so that I can- Oh. Oh, you have got to be kidding me!"

"What's wrong?" Inoichi asked, his interest piqued.

Looking at the Yamanakas, the secretary said, "The two of you DO remember the name of the boy you adopted, right?"

"It was such a long time ago, and we were told that the adoption didn't go through," Inoichi replied, "So my wife and I…simply forgot about everything."

Turning her computer monitor around, the secretary pointed to the picture of an adult male that was on screen. "THIS is your adopted son all grown up," the secretary said as she pointed dramatically at the screen.

Seeing the picture, it made both older Yamanakas gasp in shock; that was followed immediately by Inoichi leaping out of his chair while going, "WOOHOO!"

…

Later that morning, Inoichi stood in front of someone's front door. He knocked quickly and loudly on the front door up until it was opened. Upon seeing who it was, Inoichi threw his arms around the shoulders of the individual while saying, "Good morning, my son!" As he was being hugged by the Yamanaka patriarch, Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth (and current) Hokage, leader of the village of Konohagakure, could only just stare ahead.

"…What?" the dumbfounded Hokage said, not even bothering to try and struggle out of the hug (which he normally would have done, given that it was Inoichi that was hugging him). (1)

* * *

Later that day, Naruto was in his office at the Hokage office building, sitting at his desk. Standing before Naruto's desk was Inoichi, along with his friends Harold Fisher and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru. To the side stood Sasuke, Shikamaru and Shino, Naruto's three advisors. As he sat at his desk, Naruto was going over some papers from the local adoption agency. "…It's true," Naruto remarked as he sat the papers to the side, "Mr. and Mrs. Yamanaka are my parents now. Well, they _have_ been my parents since I was six."

"Why…How come this hasn't surfaced until JUST NOW?!" Shikamaru exclaimed.

"The secretary lady at the place said that some major overhauls were in order," Inoichi pointed out.

"I'm having legal throw together an investigative team to solve this mess," Naruto said to all who were in the room, "The case of Ino's parents adopting me isn't the ONLY case where a kid who was adopted didn't know about it until years or even decades later. This is nothing short of a gross oversight on the part of multiple people."

"So then, Naruto," Sasuke began tentatively, "Now that we all know that Mr. Yamanaka is your dad, what are you going to do now? Will you change your last name to match that of your adoptive family, or will you stay as an Uzumaki?"

"The later, as sticking to it will cause nowhere near as many legal headaches in terms of filling out papers," Naruto explained.

With a shrug of his shoulders, Inoichi said, "Yeah, that sounds fair."

"So Inoichi, my man," Harold began, getting the Yamanaka patriarch's attention.

"Hmm? What's up, dude?" Inoichi replied.

"You have a son now," Harold pointed out, "You've got a LOT of catching up to do!"

"…Holy frigg'en balls! Harold, you're right!" Inoichi exclaimed.

Walking around the desk to stand next to Naruto, Inoichi threw an arm around Naruto's shoulders to hold him as Inoichi gave his adopted son a playful noogie. "We've got so much father-son bonding to catch up on, my boy!" Inoichi said, "We need to throw a baseball or football back and forth to each other, and build you a treehouse, and go fishing, and-"

"Umm, Mr. Yam- Err, I mean, dad," Naruto interrupted, getting Inoichi to let go. Standing fact to face with Inoichi, Naruto said, "I appreciate the thought. And trust me when I say that I really would have loved growing up with a father and a mother. The fact that I would have also had a sibling growing up would have been a nice bon-"

"Oh God, that's right," Shino remarked in a shocked and mildly worried tone, "Naruto would have grown up having INO as a sister!"

"BHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sasuke laughed uproariously, slapping his right knee in the process. Even Shikamaru could not help but find humor at Naruto's situation. However, part-way through his laughing, Shikamaru stopped, a look of sudden realization on his face.

"Hang on," Shikamaru said, "I just realized something. Since Ino's parents adopted Naruto, and Ino and I are married, that means Naruto's my brother-in-law!"

"And Lord Sixth's wife is your sister-in-law, Shikamaru," Kuromaru pointed out to the younger Nara man, "Also, keep in mind that Lord Sixth's daughter is your niece."

"Holy snap!" Inoichi exclaimed upon hearing Kuromaru, the palms of both hands pressed against the sides of his head, "Michelle and I have another grandkid!" Immediately, Inoichi pulled out his cell phone and made a call to his wife. After a few seconds passed and Michelle answered the call, Inoichi said, "Michelle, dear, guess what I just realized! With Lord Sixth being our son, that means that his daughter is our granddaughter! We have another grandkid!" Even Sasuke, Shikamaru and Shino, who stood at least ten feet away, could hear Michelle scream in a happy, excited manner.

"…At least Mr. Yamanaka won't be as stern of a grandparent as Hinata's dad," Shino remarked to Naruto. (2)

* * *

Over at the Nara-Yamanaka residence, Ino was entertaining guests. Her friends Sakura and Hinata, to be precise. Although in light of recent revelations, it would be more accurate to say 'her friend Sakura and sister-in-law Hinata'. In fact, that last part was the topic of conversation that the three women were having.

"…So," Ino began in a tone showing that she was having some mild difficulty in accepting something, "Naruto is my brother. Apparently."

"When Naruto and I broke the news of what was found out to the Hyuga clan, the reactions were…mixed, if I'm to be honest," Hinata remarked.

A mildly curious look on her face, Sakura said, "Mixed? How so, Hinata?"

"Some of the men in the Hyuga clan, both main branch and cadet branch alike, looked like they were going to have seizures," Hinata began.

Sighing in an understanding tone, Ino replied, "Given the reputation of me and Naruto's dad, as well as that of Sakura's uncle and Kiba's mom, that's to be expected."

"Natsu was happy to learn that she has some cousins in her age group," Hinata went on, "…Well, one in her age group and a younger cousin. But you get the point."

"Ha! That reminds me of when Shikamaru and I broke the news to Shikaru and Inohime that Naruto is their uncle," Ino laughed in a good-natured tone, "It certainly got their attention to hear that Natsu is their cousin. Inohime was especially happy to hear that."

"Didn't Inohime invite Natsu to play with her, or something?" Sakura asked.

"Oh yes," Ino replied with a nod, "Inohime is playing tea party upstairs with Natsu and Natsu's cat."

Up on the second floor of the Nara-Yamanaka residence, in Inohime's room, Inohime was seated at a play table with Natsu, Pantherlily, Inohime's Elsa doll, Inohime's Judy Hopps plushy, and Inohime's Pinkie Pie plushy. Picking up the play tea pot, Inohime said to Pantherlily, "More tea for kitty?"

"Why yes, that sounds lovely, good miss," replied the self-proclaimed steward of house Uzumaki as he gestured at his 'empty' tea cup with his right front paw.

"You're awfully good at this, Pantherlily," Natsu remarked.

"Well it would never do for one of my position to be lacking in socialization know-how, Lady Natsu," replied the talking cat.

* * *

Over at the Hyuga clan estate, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru were walking and talking with Hiashi Hyuga, the current leader of the Hyuga clan. "…So…" the Hyuga clan lord began saying to Inoichi with some trepidation, "…You and your wife are the adoptive parents of my son-in-law."

"Yes we are," Inoichi replied.

"…Which means that you and I are legally related," Hiashi continued.

"Yes indeed," continued the Yamanaka patriarch.

"…Does this mean that the Hyuga will have to open up open relations with the Yamanaka?" Hiashi asked, "It's not that I have anything against you personally. But due to that one stunt that was pulled eighteen years back…"

"That was the ice cream man and you know it!" Tsume exclaimed, pointing dramatically at the Hyuga clan lord.

"I know Tsume, I know," Hiashi replied to the Inuzuka matriarch, "But still, that mess left the Hyuga clan a little hesitant to open relations with other clans."

"Well Hiashi, given that you and I are related, that might help bridge the gap between the Yamanaka and the Hyuga," Inoichi replied, "Blood is thicker than water, and all that."

"Technically, we aren't related by blood," Hiashi pointed out.

"You know what I mean," Inoichi said, "Geez dude, don't be a smartass."

"Well if you, Tsume and Harold are always dumbasses, then why can't Hiashi be a smartass?" Kuromaru asked, drawing a bit of snickering from the Hyuga clan lord.

* * *

Later that evening, Inoichi was over at the Nara-Yamanaka residence, having dinner with Ino and her family on Ino's invitation; Inoichi's wife Michelle was handling some business with Omiyo, so it was just Inoichi. "Anyway kids, how was your day?" Inoichi asked as he picked up a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager.

"I'm trying to find a Mareanie in my game, and I'm at the right route to fish for it, but I'm coming up empty," Shikaru replied.

"If you fish up a Corsola, it will occasionally call for help," Inoichi said, "One of the Pokémon that it can call up is Mareanie."

"Really?" Shikaru replied to his grandfather, "Wow, I never even thought about Wait a minute how did you know that, grandpa?"

"Oh, your cousin caught one on her game when the boys and I visited the Uzumaki residence earlier," Inoichi explained, "She just lobbed a Quick Ball at it."

"So Natsu has one?" Shikaru asked.

Nodding in the affirmative, Inoichi said, "Your cousin also has this bipedal lizard thingy that's covered in scales. It's got this kickass headpiece made of scales going on."

"And Natsu also has a Kommo-o," Shikaru remarked in a knowing tone, "Of course she does. That girl sure has a thing for dragons."

"I bet that if you ask her, Natsu will have her Mareanie and Kommo-o make the beast with two backs with the Ditto she caught near the observatory," Inoichi replied.

"Yeah, knowing Natsu, she'll do that for me if I ask her politely," Shikaru remarked as he stabbed a bit of broccoli with his fork. After the exchange between Shikaru and Inoichi, Shikamaru and Ino both looked at the Yamanaka patriarch.

"Huh, I didn't know you knew so much about Pokémon, dad," Ino said.

"Well I have two grandchildren with an interest in it," Inoichi pointed out, "So I figured it'd be a good idea to learn more about it."

"Big cousin's dragon very pretty!" Inohime said, "Also, Inohime done with dinner."

"I still see broccoli on your plate, young lady," Shikamaru said, pointing to his daughter's plate.

"But Inohime no like broccoli!" Inohime complained.

"Now come on, Inohime," Inoichi said, "You've got to eat your broccoli. Rainbow Dash eats her broccoli, you know."

As the four-year-old Nara girl began reluctantly eating her broccoli, Shikamaru said to his father-in-law, "Wow, Mr. Yamanaka. You've gotten Inohime to eat her vegetables way quicker than what I've managed so far."

"You've just got to know how to work with kids," Inoichi explained, "Once you've gotten that down, everything's a snap."

"Unlike catching Dhelmise," Shikaru muttered before popping a forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. After chewing and swallowing, Shikaru added, "Seriously! Dhelmise is being a real pain in the rear for me to find! I've spent no less than two hours at Sea Folk Village trying to fish up a Dhelmise and I've been having no luck and Natsu has one, doesn't she?"

"I'm sure she'll get you a Dhelmise egg if you ask her," Inoichi replied.

* * *

The following day, Inoichi was doing his weekly ritual with Inohime in regards to watching Ponies. Interestingly enough, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru were also there, although that's mostly because they were going to head over with Inoichi to his place afterwards to play pool (they're currently at Shikamaru's place). "…So Inoichi," Tsume began when she pointed to the television, "What's up with that two-legged pony with the green mane?"

"That's Spike, and he's a baby dragon," Inoichi clarified.

"Wait, that dude's a dragon?" Harold said, "I thought he was a gay iguana." (3)

Cracking up, Inoichi said as he offered Harold a high five (Harold accepted), "Harold, dude, that's a good one. I'll have to call Kankuro later and tell him what you said."

"Wait a minute, there's critters on this show other than a bunch of baby horses on drugs?" Tsume asked, arching an eyebrow in confusion.

"Yes, there's a whole variety of sapient races in the show," Inoichi replied, "You'd be surprised who lives in the world of the show."

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. "Excuse me, dudes," Inoichi said as he excused himself to get up. Walking over to the front door, the Yamanaka patriarch opened the door, and was surprised to see Naruto standing there. "Naruto, my boy!" Inoichi exclaimed as he threw an arm around the Sixth Lord Hokage's shoulders to draw him into a hug. After a quick ruffling of Naruto's long golden spikes, Inoichi said, "What brings you by?"

"Ino and Hinata both think that the two of us should spend more time together," Naruto replied in a somewhat unsure tone, "Due to the fact that we're family and whatnot."

Once again, Inoichi threw an arm around his adopted son's shoulders. Pulling Naruto into another hug, Inoichi said as he then ruffled Naruto's hair again, "Well alright, Naruto!" Turning to face Harold and the others, Inoichi said, "Yo dudes, my son's going to join us for pool!"

"Woot!" Tsume cheered as she pumped both fists into the air.

"Top kek!" Harold added, giving a double-thumbs up.

"Uncle!" Inohime cheered, getting up and running over to Naruto. When she got close enough, the Nara-Yamanaka girl threw her arms around Naruto as high as she could reach to hug him. Smiling, Naruto ruffled the top of Inohime's head.

"It's nice to see you too, young lady," Naruto remarked.

* * *

Over at Inoichi's place later, Harold and company, along with Naruto, were in Inoichi's den, surrounding the pool table that was located approximately in the center of the room. "So Naruto, my boy," Inoichi began as he applied cue chalk to the tip of his pool cue, "Have you any experience playing pool before?"

"A true man's game for only the manliest of men," Harold remarked as he chalked up a pool cue of his own, "So it's natural that Tsume, Inoichi and I are the three best pool players in all of Konoha, if not all of the ninja world." (4)

"Right," Naruto replied in a mildly unsure tone. Looking at the pool table, Naruto said, "So what's the objective of this game?"

"The objective of the game is to hit the eight ball-that black ball right there-into one of the pockets after all the other balls have been pocketed," Inoichi explained as he pointed out the black eight ball. "If you sink the eight ball beforehand, even by accident, that will result in a loss," Tsume added. (5)

"There are different ways of playing pool, but this is the way that the boys and I are most used to," Harold commented.

Handing Naruto the pool cue that he was chalking up as he spoke, Harold said, "You want you should take the first shot, Lord Sixth?"

Looking at the pool cue as he held it, Naruto remarked, "You know, I think that this is a game that commonly played at bars, taverns and other such places."

"And yet the local bar doesn't have a pool table," Kuromaru remarked, "Which is a bit weird, if you think about it."

"…Maybe I should talk with the owner of the local bar and discuss why his bar lacks a pool table," Naruto suggested, "Maybe even offer to buy his bar a pool table if it comes down to it."

"Woah dude, seriously?!" Harold exclaimed. Throwing his left arm around Naruto's shoulders to get him into a headlock, Harold proceeded to give Naruto a noogie. "You're certainly Inoichi's son, alright!" Harold proclaimed. Turning to face his best friend, Harold said, "Inoichi, you've got yourself one hell of a son right here!"

Wiping a tear of joy from his eye, Inoichi said, "Yeah, that boy of mine does me proud, he does."

" _Well at least they_ ' _re appreciative_ ," Naruto thought as the Fisher patriarch continued to noogie him.

* * *

Later over at Konoha's local bar, as Naruto talked to the bar's owner in the bar owner's office, Harold and company were sitting at the counter, each of them nursing a large, frothy mug of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager (As per usual, Kuromaru sat on the floor next to the stool that Tsume occupied). "Hey Inoichi, there's something I've been wondering about," Harold said.

"What's up, dude?" Inoichi asked.

"Well shortly after Tsume, Kuromaru and I returned from using the Well of Time to keep Sakura from getting that vaccine," Harold began, "And I noticed that a number of dudes that were dead in the original time are alive in this time, I decided to do some checking up."

"Go on," Inoichi prodded.

"I've ran into Kurenai and Gai a few times," Harold said, "And I've learned from Kiba and Neji that Asuma died a while ago, and in the same manner that he died in the timeline that Tsume, Kuromaru and I remember."

"Your point, my good man?" Inoichi asked.

"What the hell happened to Kakashi?" Harold asked, "I've yet to run into the dude."

"Hey, Harold's got a point," Tsume added, "I haven't seen that guy at all."

"Oh, Kakashi's on extended leave," Inoichi explained, "He's taking the opportunity with all of the time off he has to see various sights all over the ninja world."

"…He's on vacation, then?" Harold asked for clarification.

Taking a quick gulp from his mug, Inoichi said after swallowing a mouthful of lager, "Ino tells me that Sakura and Sasuke received a letter from Kakashi, saying that he regrets not being around to wish their kid a happy birthday. Ino also told me that Naruto and Hinata received a similar such letter from Kakashi a few weeks back."

"Well at least Kakashi is alright," Harold remarked before taking a long gulp from his mug. After Harold sat the mug back down, Naruto and the bar's owner came walking out from the bar owner's office, shaking hands.

"You are certainly very generous, Lord Sixth," the bar owner said, "After those two Akimichi clan women got into a bar fight with that Puppeteer Ninja Brony from Suna a few months back, breaking the old pool table and both pinball machines I had in here in the process, I've been seeing a noticeable dip in customers. Only my most loyal of customers, such as those three older ninja and that older kunoichi's dog that are over at the counter right now, continue to come in. With a new pool table, I'm sure to see more customers again."

"You had pinball machines in here too?" Naruto asked, arching an eyebrow out of curiosity.

Nodding solemnly, the bar owner replied, "One of the two aforementioned Akimichi clan women picked up one of the machines and chucked it overhead-style at the ninja from Suna. She missed, and broke several bar stools as a result."

"What happened to the other pinball machine?" Naruto asked.

"The first Akimichi clan women was thrown against it when the Suna ninja kicked her in the stomach, making her stumble backwards and crash into the remaining pinball machine," the bar owner explained.

"Hmm…" Naruto hummed as he looked over in an empty area of the bar where he figured the pinball machines used to stand, "I'll look into replacing the pinball machines as well. I don't know much about pool, but I can certainly play pinball."

"Oh, there's no need to do that, Lord Sixth," the bar owner said, "Offering to replace the pool table is more than enough."

"There's a little extra money left in the budget from clean-up and repair efforts after Konoha was attacked by those powerful ninjas during the chunnin exams a while ago and damn, why does that sound so familiar?" Naruto replied.

"It really is quite weird that the events of the recent chunnin exams brings about quite a strong sense of déjà vu," Harold remarked as he raised his mug to his lips.

"So anyway, yeah," Naruto said to the bar owner, "All of the necessary repairs and clean-up has been taken care of, and there's still some left-over cash in that budget. Just think of it as replacing lost and/or damaged equipment."

Nodding in agreement, the bar owner said, "Very well. Thank you once again for your kindness, Lord Sixth."

As the bar owner went back into his office, Inoichi said, "Heh, you're certainly one hell of a guy, my boy."

"Yeah, Lord Sixth!" Harold exclaimed, "In fact, why don't you join us over here? You're doing so much for the bar that someone HAS to buy you a beer!"

"…Oh, what the hell," Naruto remarked as he walked over to sit on the stool next to Inoichi (Harold sat on the stool between Inoichi and Tsume), "It's probably about time I see what all the fuss is about."

"What all the fuss is…MIGHTY FRIG!" Harold exclaimed. Looking over to Inoichi, Harold said, "Inoichi, bro, dude! Your son has never had any Pape Konoha's Brand Lager before!"

"I've never actually had any alcohol before, really," Naruto admitted.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Tsume exclaimed in shock, "Inoichi, your son needs a Pape Konoha's, STAT!"

"Bartender! One mug of Pape Konoha's!" Inoichi ordered in a somewhat panicked tone, "And hurry!"

With as much speed as there was style, the bartender quickly filled a large glass mug with Pape Konoha's from the tap, and slid it over to Inoichi. Handing the mug over to Naruto, Inoichi said, "Here, drink this." Tilting his head slightly to the left, Naruto regarded the drink as he grabbed the mug by its handle. Inoichi starred as Naruto slowly lifted the mug; Harold and Tsume both leaned over the counter so that they could see as well.

"Geez, you guys are freaking out more than the time that Sakura, Sasuke and Kiba all admitted that they've never had Pape Konoha's before," Kuromaru remarked, "Chill the frig out, why don't you?" (6)

* * *

That evening over at the Uzumaki residence, after Natsu had gone to bed, Naruto and Hinata were sitting at the dining room table talking. "So, Naruto," Hinata began as she traced the rim of her tea mug with her right fingertip, "How was spending the day with your father and his friends?"

"When I said that I never had any sort of alcohol before, they instantly freaked out," Naruto explained, "Dad even ordered me a mug of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager while we were at the local bar."

"That…does sound like them, if what Sakura and Ino told me about them is true," Hinata remarked, a look of confusion mixed with mild shock on her face.

"Still, I have to admit," Naruto continued as he picked up the glass of soda that he was drinking from. After taking a gulp, Naruto said, "Today wasn't nowhere near as crazy as I feared it would have been. Sure, dad and his friends dragged me into headlocks so they could noogie me quite a lot, but I can tell they did it as a sign of affection."

Nodding in understanding, Hinata replied, "That sounds right in line with their respective personalities."

"Oh Hinata," Naruto began suddenly, "My mom said that she was interested in visiting us sometime this week. She wants to get to know you, me and Natsu a bit more. Are there any days this week that would be good to set up for that visit?"

"Oh, tomorrow's perfect for that," Hinata replied as she picked up her tea mug, "And Natsu has expressed interest in getting to know her new grandparents some more."

Smiling, Naruto said before he took another gulp of his soda, "Well, at least we're all on the same page here."

END, CHAPTER THIRTY

Author's notes:

(1) Unless the hugger properly explained themselves as to why they're hugging him, Naruto is uncomfortable accepting random hugs from anyone other than his wife and daughter.

(2) It was at that moment Naruto began to wonder how long it would take for Inoichi to learn the names of all 800+ Pokémon.

(3) Keep in mind that Harold and company (aside from Kuromaru) are morons.

(4) It helps that Harold, Inoichi and Tsume often forget that Tsume's a woman.

(5) Inoichi and Tsume are describing eight-ball pool.

(6) They kind of can't, as Pape Konoha's Brand Lager is serious business as far as they're concerned.

Well, there's chapter thirty. Due to a mix of new story ideas I'd like to work on and a lack of ideas for chapters for this story, I'm going to be putting Harold and company on the back burner for the time being. I'm also wanting to try and work on my editing skills a bit, especially before I try to set up another story.

Guess who's back?


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter thirty-one: Anything goes (AKA when the Godzilla Threshold has been crossed)

A secret meeting at the Hokage office building over in Konohagakure was taking place one dark, cloudy day. Shinobi from Sunagakure and a few from Iwagakure, the two villages that are allied with Konoha against Kumogakure in the Fifth Great Ninja War, had come to discuss ongoing matters related to the war effort. Konoha shinobi, Suna shinobi and Iwa shinobi were talking amiably amongst themselves as their respective village leaders, as well as a few choice men picked by said village leaders, were having the secret meeting.

Lord Hokage Naruto Uzumaki, with his three advisors Sasuke Uchiha, Shikamaru Nara and Shino Aburame standing behind him, sat on one side of the circular table in the meeting room. Lord Kazekage Gaara, with his older brother Kankuro and two of their guards standing behind him, sat counterclockwise to Naruto at the table. Lady Tsuchikage Kurotsuchi, with three guards standing behind her, sat at the final spot at the table.

"Before we begin the usual discussions," Gaara began, "I believe that Kurotsuchi has some info she would like to share."

"Yeah, my boys found out some right terrifying info about one of the members of the council that is currently ruling Kumo," Kurotsuchi remarked in a concerned tone as one of her guards stepped forward, produced a small scroll from a weapons pouch on the back of his belt, and handed it over to Kurotsuchi. Handing the scroll over to Naruto, Kurotsuchi said, "You're the host this time, so I'll let you have the first look-see, my good man."

Opening the scroll, Naruto read the report on it, his eyes widening in shock and worry with each line he read. "Holy hell," Naruto muttered, "This isn't for real, right? Please tell me it isn't for real."

"Naruto?" Shino said in a confused and mildly worried tone, "What does the report say?"

Sighing as he set the scroll down, Naruto replied, "Apparently, one of the members of Kumo's current ruling council can now use the Edo Tensei." The instant Naruto said this, all of the Konoha and Suna natives became instantly alarmed.

"Great, now we're going to have to deal with Kumo-controlled Edo Tensei zombies?!" Shikamaru exclaimed, "That's the same problem that made the _last_ great ninja war such a pain in the ass for us to deal with!"

"Not to mention the fact that Kumo itself had to deal with that problem, same as the other great villages," Sasuke pointed out, "Not only is Kumo being hypocritical, but they're also being nothing short of monsters."

Gaara, having gotten out a cell phone, made a call back to Suna. Once the call went through, he said, "Hello, Suna Mortician corps? This is Lord Kazekage Gaara. I want you to head to the Suna cemetery, dig up my sister's remains, and incinerate them until nothing but ashes remain." (1)

"This is bad, dudes," Kankuro began in a grim tone as he spoke to everyone else present, "Given that the Edo Tensei needs a living human sacrifice, anyone would fit the bill. Kumo can just use civilians as fodder to bring back some of history's strongest shinobi to throw at us, especially some key players from our own villages. I'm not all that big a fan of potentially having to face the likes of Granny Chiyo or Pakura." (2)

"They can resurrect previous kage title holders from our villages to throw at us," Shino pointed out, "Like Lord Third Tsuchikage, or Gaara's dad, or Naruto's dad."

"Naruto's pa was the Hokage?!" Kurotsuchi exclaimed, clearly shocked.

"Yeah," Naruto replied in a mildly somber tone, "The late Lord Fourth Hokage was my biological father."

"Biological father?" Kankuro repeated, sounding a little lost.

"We've recently learned that my in-laws are Naruto's adoptive parents," Shikamaru explained, "They successfully completed all the paperwork and were legally Naruto's parents ever since he was six. However, Naruto continued to live as if he was still without a family because the people working in the Konoha Adoption Agency are astronomically incompetent. We're still working on cleaning up that department."

"Naruto's the adopted son of one of the three biggest morons in the history of Konoha?" Gaara asked, looking mildly aghast.

"I know," Naruto replied in an understanding tone, "But despite what my dad and his friends usually get up to, they've been known to have results."

"…Like the Anything Goes Initiative?" Shino asked in an inquiring tone.

Naruto's eyes widened somewhat in response to what his Aburame advisor just said. However, after a few seconds, Naruto relented, sighing as he did so. To his fellow village leaders, Naruto said, "Gaara, Kurotsuchi, what I'm about to propose, while being without a doubt the single most insane thing I have ever done in my life, will also take care of the issue of Kumo having an Edo Tensei user before it becomes a serious problem."

* * *

During the history of the five great villages of the ninja world, the villages would often have severe problems, often times during wars against each other. Most of the time, the great ninja villages can handle these problems on their own, or at least with the help of another great village that's on friendly terms with them. However, sometimes a problem crops up that throws things so far out of control, that even the great villages are willing to resort to _any_ plan that they can come up with _just_ to end the problem that cropped up.

The 'Anything Goes Initiative' is one such plan. Created during the middle to tail-end of the Third Hokage's first tenure as the active Hokage, the Anything Goes Initiative carries a one-hundred percent success rate of eliminating the problem that it was sent out to eliminate, while also carrying a seventy-eight percent chance that the current Hokage, who is the only one who can order this plan to be carried out, will step down as Hokage out of shame. In fact, having ordered the use of the Anything Goes Initiative _once_ during the tail-end of the Third Great Ninja War is part of the reason why the Third Hokage retired until the Fourth Hokage was killed. (3)

How the plan works is actually quite simple. The current Hokage at the time summons Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, tells them about the problem, and assigns them the mission of eliminating the problem while telling them that they can do whatever they want so long as it gets the job done (hence why the plan is called the _Anything Goes_ Initiative). Given what Harold Fisher and his friends are capable of coming up with, giving them unlimited freedom on the job is a _very_ risky move. Even Tsume being tempered by the presence of Kuromaru, her Ninkin, does nothing to hold her back if she's given the proper motivation (killing Momoshiki by crashing _The Hanamaru_ into him being the main example here (4)).

When Harold and his friends appeared in Naruto's office after receiving summons from him to come over ASAP, they were at first confused as to why they were being summoned. "Dude, why does your son want to see us?" Harold asked Inoichi as the three seniors and one Ninkin walked through the door on the ground floor of the Hokage office building.

"Oh dude!" Inoichi exclaimed, "Naruto must have had his first sibling argument with Ino! I've always wanted to break up an argument between my children, but I could never do so since I only had one child!"

"I'm pretty sure that Ino and Lord Sixth can settle any arguments between themselves at this point, Inoichi," Kuromaru pointed out, "They're adults with their own children."

"…A man can dream, Kuromaru," Inoichi replied in a downcast tone. After Inoichi expressed his minor disappointment due to his hopes being dashed, Naruto walked into the office, with Sasuke, Shikamaru and Shino following close behind.

"I suppose why I've asked you all to come here on such short notice," Naruto began as he sat in his chair at his desk.

"Did you have your first sibling argument with Ino?" Inoichi asked.

Sighing, Naruto replied, "No, dad, Ino and I did not have an argument." Looking to the seniors as a whole, Naruto continued, "During the meeting I had with Gaara and Kurotsuchi earlier, I was informed by Kurotsuchi about the activities of one Senzin Heylin, a member of the council that currently rules Kumogakure."

"They're the bastards whose command issued the order to attack Sunagakure close to twenty years ago, thus kicking off the Fifth Great Ninja War," Tsume remarked, "Right?"

"Exactly," Naruto replied with a nod in the affirmative, "Anyway, Senzin is currently in the field, at a Kumo-controlled camp." Looking to the group as a whole, Naruto said, "Dad, Mr. Fisher, Mrs. Inuzuka, Kuromaru, I want the four of you to head to that camp, find Senzin, and kill him before he can put whatever plans he has into action."

"Ah, you wanna see your old man in action, do you?" Inoichi replied with an amused grin, "Well don't you worry, my boy. The boys and I will carry out this assassination by-the-book. Full stealth mode and everything."

"Actually, stealth isn't as necessary an element on this mission as you're painting it out to be," Shikamaru said to his father-in-law.

"…Hmm?" Inoichi replied in a mildly confused tone, "What do you mean, Shikamaru?"

"Time is pretty much limited here, dad," Naruto replied, "So doing things by the book isn't really much of an option here. For the sake of the alliance between Konoha, Suna and Iwa, we need Senzin Heylin dead, and we need him dead _NOW_. I don't care what you and your friends do, or how big of a mess you guys make in the process. Just kill Senzin." (5)

A dawning look of realization (with a mild amount of apprehension mixed in), Kuromaru said, "Lord Sixth…you're not saying that-"

"I _am_ saying, Kuromaru," Naruto interrupted. Letting out a resigned sigh, Naruto said to Harold and his team, "Dad, Mr. Fisher, Mrs. Inuzuka, Kuromaru, the lot of you have my permission to, on this mission, do anything and everything that you can think of so long as Senzin Heylin is dead by the end."

"Woohoo!" Harold cheered as he pumped both fists into the air, "We get to cut loose again! This is going to be frigg'en sweet!"

"Lord Sixth, you're at least going to tell them to try to keep their antics to a minimum, right?" Kuromaru asked Naruto in a concerned tone.

"I was serious when I said that they can do anything and everything that they can think of so long as Senzin is dead by the time things are done," Naruto replied, "If any of their antics leads to that end, then I won't stop them."

"The boys and I will leave for the mission as soon as we're ready," Tsume said to Naruto as she gave him a salute, "Trust me, Lord Sixth. You won't regret this." (6)

"Well come on, boys," Inoichi said to his friends, "We got a mission to get ready for!" With the Yamanaka patriarch leading the way, the three seniors and one Ninkin left Naruto's office, leaving the Hokage alone with his advisors.

"…Well, I better start writing up a list of jonin I believe would make great candidates for the position of Hokage," Naruto remarked aloud as he opened a desk drawer to pull out a mechanical pencil and a spiral-bound notebook.

* * *

The Kumo-controlled camp where Senzin Heylin is rumored to be at is located in Oto, where one of the major battlefields of the ongoing Fifth Great Ninja War is located. No fighting was currently going on, but the very atmosphere suggested that the fighting could resume at any moment, given the right trigger. It was at a Konoha-Suna controlled camp on the other side of the battlefield where Harold and his friends made their appearance on the battlefield.

"'Sup, hoes?" Tsume said as she greeted two Suna shinobi and a Konoha shinobi when she and the others entered the commander's tent.

"Aren't you three a bit old to be fighting in the war?" the Konoha shinobi asked, eyeing Harold and company with a curious look.

"We were sent here by Lord Sixth himself," Harold replied.

"You mean Lord Hokage?" the Konoha shinobi asked as he pointed to the Konoha headbands being worn by Harold, Inoichi and Tsume. After the three seniors and one Ninkin all nodded in the affirmative, the Konoha shinobi asked, "Why would Lord Hokage send you guys here?"

"He asked us to eighty-six some dude at the Kumo camp named Senzin Heylin," Tsume explained.

"Ah yes, you're the group I was informed about," remarked one of the Suna shinobi, the only kunoichi of the three shinobi present who greeted Harold's group at the commander's tent. Gesturing for the older shinobi to follow her, the Suna kunoichi said as she went into the tent, "Please, follow me."

After they followed the Suna kunoichi into the tent, they were greeted by the sight of a grizzled-looking Konoha shinobi who looked to be, at most, in his mid-fifties. Seeing the older shinobi before him, the Konoha shinobi said as he raised an eyebrow in a mildly confused manner, "Who are you three supposed to be?"

"Sir, this is the team of Konoha shinobi that Lord Naruto said he was sending to the camp here," the Suna kunoichi explained as she faced the Konoha shinobi while gesturing to Harold and company, "You know, the team that was given the mission of assassinating Senzin Heylin."

Looking over Harold and company for a few seconds, the Konoha shinobi said to the Suna kunoichi in a mildly confused tone, "Aren't they a little old to be in active service?"

"Aren't you a little ugly to be in active service?" Tsume retorted.

"Well aren't you rude," the Konoha shinobi retorted, "Who are you three, by the way?"

"The _FOUR_ of us are Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru," Tsume spat at the Konoha shinobi in an annoyed tone, "You frigg'en racist."

"Yeah, Tsume doesn't like it when someone doesn't refer to me as a separate but equal member of the team," Kuromaru said to the Konoha shinobi, "Just to give you a heads-up. But yeah, as your Suna assistant here said, Tsume, Harold, Inoichi and I were sent by the Sixth Hokage for the task of assassinating one Senzin Heylin."

"…Did that dog just talk?" the Konoha shinobi asked, starring at Kuromaru with an expression of total shock.

"Look, do you want us to kill that Senzin turd or not?" Harold asked as he picked up a guitar case and laid it on top of the table that everyone was standing around in the tent.

Looking at the case with a curious expression, the Konoha shinobi said, "What the hell is this supposed to be?"

"Only the single greatest artifact in the history of awesome and rock," Harold replied as he popped the case open to remove a most awesome-looking electric guitar. The guitar's body looked like a goat's skull viewed from the side, and the headstock looked like a billowing flame (the ends of the tuning keys also looked like little flames).

"Gentlemen, behold!" Harold said as he raised the guitar above his head with both hands, "Axeimum the Awesomeslayer!"

"…You're going to beat Senzin to death with an electric guitar?" the Konoha shinobi said in a confused, questioning tone.

"Axeimum the Awesomeslayer is no mere electric guitar, my good man," Harold explained, "It is without a doubt the single greatest weapon to have ever been forged."

"I'm going to have to agree with my commander here," the Suna kunoichi remarked, her tone clearly indicating that she was lost, "It's just a custom electric guitar, as far as I can tell."

"Clearly you have never heard of the legend of Axeimum the Awesomeslayer," Inoichi remarked as he gently shook his head.

"Commissioned by Knuckles the Echidna and forged by Tyrion Lannister using Thor's enchanted uru Warhammer Mjolnir as a blacksmith hammer," Harold began, "Axeimum the Awesomeslayer was created in the heart of an underwater volcano where Aquaman makes his home. Combining the wing bone of a male Valkyrie, the heart of a female Draugr, hairs from the head of a male yuki-onna, and one other material from a female of a male-only species of mythological origin, Tyrion Lannister made the awesome metal ingot that he forged into this mighty guitar."

"Axeimum the Awesomeslayer is a truly indestructible artifact," Inoichi said, "No conceivable method whatsoever is capable of causing and sort of damage to it or otherwise compromise its structural integrity." (7)

"If used as a weapon to beat someone with," Harold continued, "Axeimum the Awesomeslayer is capable of one-hit killing beings up to and including Superman. However, if Axeimum the Awesomeslayer is used as it is truly meant to be used-that is, as a musical instrument-it's true powers are then unleashed."

"When playing Axeimum the Awesomeslayer," Tsume explained, "You must actually play a song on it. Merely strumming the strings in and of themselves is far too dangerous. If you simply strum the strings, then a number of things will happen, depending on the number of strums."

"If you strum it one time," Harold began to list, "Then everyone in the world currently playing Guitar Hero will automatically get a perfect score playing 'Through the fire and flames' on legendary. Strum the strings two times, and every female nerd within a one-hundred-mile radius will orgasm."

"Why just the nerdy ones?" the Suna kunoichi asked.

"At the time that he had Axeimum the Awesomeslayer commissioned, Knuckles had a fetish for nerdy chicks," Harold explained, "Anywho, if you strum the strings three times, Cerberus will burst out of the depths of Hades and come to you, eager to serve as your steed for you to ride into battle upon."

"Finally," Inoichi said, "If you strum Axeimum the Awesomeslayer's strings four times, you enter god mode for five minutes."

"Luckily," Harold added, "If you wait at least one minute between strums, then the counter of epic dooms will reset."

"…Are you kidding me?" the Konoha shinobi replied as he gave the group of shinobi a deadpan look, "That's the biggest-"

"Are any of the kunoichi under your command nerds?" Harold interrupted.

"What?" the Konoha shinobi exclaimed more than asked, clearly flabbergasted.

"Then we're going straight to three strums," Harold said as he put the guitar strap of Axeimum the Awesomeslayer over his right shoulder. Holding the guitar properly so that he could play it, Harold strummed the strings three times.

After a few seconds passed with nothing happening, the Konoha shinobi said, "Well there you have it. There is-" The Konoha shinobi was cut off, however, when a loud rumbling resonated throughout the Konoha-Suna-Iwa campground. Suddenly, loud barking sounded throughout the camp, followed by numerous panicked shouting as people were very clearly getting out of the way of some large being that was practically stampeding towards the commander's tent.

Stopping a little short of the commander's tent, a trio of hellish voices shouted, "We have arrived and are eager to serve, master." Confused, the Konoha shinobi left the tent, with everyone inside following him. To the shock of everyone other than Harold, Inoichi and Tsume, Cerberus the three-headed guard dog of the underworld was standing in the camp.

Turning to face the Konoha shinobi, Harold said in a mildly teasing tone, "What were you going to say again?"

"I hope we're at least one-hundred miles from Konoha," Inoichi remarked aloud as he and his friends got onto Cerberus's back, "I'd hate for my daughter-in-law to orgasm."

Once Harold, Inoichi and Tsume were on Cerberus's back, Tsume looked down from Cerberus's back to look at Kuromaru. "You stay here to hold down the fort," Tsume instructed her Ninkin, "We'll need someone to represent our group here at the base."

"So, which way is the enemy camp?" Harold asked the Konoha shinobi.

Realizing that trying to question what was going on would not only be pointless but cost him a lot of sleep at night, the Konoha shinobi decided to just roll with it. "The enemy camp is in that direction over there," the Konoha shinobi replied as he pointed in the appropriate direction, "Just keep going straight."

"Who do you wish for us to kill, master?" the three heads of Cerberus all asked Harold, who was still holding Axeimum the Awesomeslayer.

"We're looking to find and kill some fat, surly turd by the name of Senzin Heylin," Harold explained, "If we head to the camp that was pointed out to us, we can find the son of a bitch."

"Umm, from all reports, Senzin Heylin isn't fat," the Suna kunoichi pointed out to Harold and company, "In fact, our spies confirmed that Senzin is actually somewhat underweight for an adult male human. Granted, Senzin is a surly turd either way, just not a fat one."

Sighing in a mildly frustrated manner, Harold said, "I don't care if he's skinnier than Inoichi's daughter or fatter than Choza's daughter-in-law. The point is that we have to find and kill that bastard."

"Way to kill the joke, bitch," Tsume spat in an annoyed tone as she and her friends rode off to the enemy camp on the back of Cerberus. After Harold and company disappeared over the horizon, Kuromaru turned to face the Suna kunoichi.

"…Yeah, even I have to admit that you kind of killed it," Kuromaru remarked.

* * *

Later, over at the Kumo shinobi camp, the Kumo shinobi that were present were going about their duties as they prepared for combat against their enemies. The commander of the Kumo shinobi base, a grizzled veteran similar to the one Konoha shinobi over at the other camp, was talking to a noticeably slim Kumo shinobi from Kumo's ruling council. "Is your plan ready to be carried out, Sir Senzin?" the Kumo shinobi said to the council member.

"Everything is ready, commander," Senzin Heylin replied in a calm yet confident tone, "Soon, those Konoha and Suna fools will be made to realize their foolish foolishness in foolishly opposing the might that is-"

Senzin was cut off when a number of Kumo shinobi in the camp started shouting in panic. "…The hell is all that about?" Senzin remarked aloud as he walked over to where the shouting was coming from, with the Kumo shinobi he was talking to following him.

…

Somewhere on the far side of the other half of the Kumo camp, Harold, and his group were causing all sorts of mayhem. Inoichi, with a kunai in each hand, leapt up and practically spun at the Kumo shinobi like a drill, killing many enemies before he landed out of his drill-like spinning. Tsume, having found a barrel of dynamite sticks, decided to take the dynamite sticks, light them, and toss them into the oncoming rush of Kumo shinobi, grinning with near madness as the dynamite sticks went off.

Harold, currently standing on Cerberus's back, was fighting a Kumo shinobi who was wielding a katana. The Kumo shinobi, who also stood on the back of the three-headed hell beast, was confused by the fact that, rather than use a katana himself, Harold was using an (admittedly awesome-looking) electric guitar to block and parry the katana blows. Even more confusing to the Kumo shinobi was the fact that the guitar wasn't taking any sort of damage to speak of from being used as a stand-in for an actual weapon.

As the three heads of Cerberus each grabbed a Kumo shinobi in their maws, Harold managed to block another blow while compromising the Kumo shinobi's balance. With a quick foot slam in the Kumo shinobi's stomach, Harold knocked him off of Cerberus's back. Looking around at the scenery, Harold let out an impressed-sounding whistle.

"Hot damn," Harold remarked aloud, "Won't all of this make for an awesome story for me and the bros to tell our grandchildren and their friends when we Hey what the hell is that?" Harold changed his line of thought midsentence when his eyes fell upon what looked like a three-barreled cannon of incredible size. Judging by the base that the cannon sat on, it was mobile.

"Hey Cerberus," Harold said, "You see that sick-ass cannon?" With each head dropping a dead Kumo shinobi from the mouths, the three-headed hell beast looked over and saw the cannon that Harold was pointing to. "Take me over there," Harold half ordered-half asked politely. Obeying his master dutifully, Cerberus dashed over to the giant cannon.

Upon reaching the cannon, Harold leapt off of Cerberus's back, landed on the platform of the mobile cannon, killed both Kumo shinobi that were manning the cannon, then turned to face the controls. "Let's see what this bad boy can do," Harold said as he experimented around with the controls. Getting the cannon to turn, Harold aimed the three barrels of the cannon at an area where a large number of Kumo shinobi were milling about in a panic.

Harold activated the cannon, firing a large beam of destructive energy at the group of Kumo shinobi it was aimed at. "Holy crap!" Harold exclaimed as the smoke cleared, showing that most if not all of the Kumo shinobi that were aimed at were killed, "The hell is something like this bad boy doing in Kumo hands?"

"Shall we destroy the cannon, master?" Cerberus asked.

Looking over the cannon's control panel, Harold saw that the cannon had enough power for one or two more shots. "…Meh, let's use this thing up on the Kumo shinobi before we wreck it," Harold replied, "No use looking a gift horse in-"

"What do you think you're doing?" a male voice cried out in anger, cutting Harold off. Suddenly, Senzin Heylin landed on the platform next to Harold. "I am Senzin Heylin, one of the members of the prestigious ruling council of the great village of Kumogakure," Senzin began, "How dare a mere Konoha shinobi like you-" Senzin was cut off when Cerberus's middle head bit down on Senzin and picked him up, shaking him around like a ragdoll until Senzin was dead.

"Make sure his head is good enough condition," Harold instructed his summoned familiar, "We need to prove that the son of a bitch is dead, after all." At Harold's instructions, Cerberus dropped the corpse of Senzin Heylin, allowing it to fall onto the ground unceremoniously in a crumpled heap. Seeing that Cerberus had obeyed, Harold said, "Thank you, my friend." Turning his attention back to the cannon's control panel, Harold said, "Now then, where were we? …Ah yes, we were going to turn this Kumo-controlled weapon against them."

* * *

Sometime later, Naruto and his advisors received a report confirming that Harold and his group had successfully killed Senzin Heylin. That very same report also carried an update about the possibility of Kumo-controlled Edo Tensei zombies. As it turned out, the person who wrote the report that Kurotsuchi showed to Naruto and Gaara had made a slight error. …And by slight, I mean _astronomically massive_.

In truth, Senzin Heylin did _not_ gain the ability to use the Edo Tensei; rather, he merely made Kumo's Chakra Cannon a significantly greater threat. Granted, Harold wrecked the Chakra Cannon beyond usage and repair after using up all of its shots on the Kumo shinobi, but it still didn't change the fact that the situation had been severely misread.

"Well boys," Naruto remarked to Sasuke, Shikamaru and Shino, "All things considered, I think I'll be able to comfortably keep my position as Hokage. My dad and his friends weren't nearly as bad as I thought they were going to be."

"I'm still baffled at the fact that instead of dealing with Kumo-controlled Edo Tensei zombies, all that we had to worry about was Kumo's Chakra Cannon," Shikamaru remarked, "Granted, it has loads of destructive capabilities, but it has nowhere near the amount of phycological potency as what the Edo Tensei is capable of. I do not want to have to fight Asuma-sensei again." (8)

"So, Naruto," Sasuke began, "Where are Mr. Fisher and his friends now?" Looking at the report, Sasuke said, "I want to ask about the part of the report where Kiba's mother borrowed an electric guitar from Sakura's uncle and used said guitar to, and I can't believe this is actually written in an official report, 'enter god mode for five minutes'."

Sighing in a resigned tone, Naruto muttered, "I hope I never have to use the Anything Goes Initiative ever again."

END, CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Author's Notes:

1\. Given what he had just heard, can anyone really blame Gaara for issuing such an order?

2\. Pakura is that deceased Suna shinobi who can more or less turn people into mummies with spheres of heat. For reasons that escape me, Pakura is pretty much my favorite shinobi to have been revived in the Fourth Great Ninja War arc.

3\. VERY few people are aware of the fact that the Anything Goes Initiative was used during the TGNW. In fact, very few people are even aware of the fact that the plan even exists.

4\. And all that happened because Momoshiki cost Tsume the chance to win a royal butt load of money from a bet.

5\. Killing the Edo Tensei user will not undo the Edo Tensei zombies that he/she made. However, due to what they read in the report, Naruto, Gaara and Kurotsuchi agreed that, in the long run, killing Senzin ASAP was the best course of action.

6\. Yes, he will.

7\. Anything you can think of that can break or otherwise compromise its structural integrity can and WILL fail to do so. Yes, even Raiden's Murasama blade will have no effect.

8\. True story.

Hoo boy, it feels kind of good to get back to writing the adventures of Harold and company. Anywho, sorry for taking so long to finally update this story; I've been busy with other writings, classes, games, and various other things. Since I'm updating this story with four chapters (this one, chapter 32, chapter 33 and chapter 34) at once, I hope it makes up for the lack of activity on this story.


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter thirty-two: Ibiki imperiled (AKA Hidden Tests of Character say more about those who _give_ them, rather than those who _take_ them)

In a meeting room in the Hokage office building in Konohagakure, there was a table at which Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth Hokage, sat. On Naruto's left was his advisor Shino Aburame, and on Naruto's right was his second advisor Sasuke Uchiha. Naruto's third advisor, Shikamaru Nara, stood off to the far right of the room (if you're standing in front of and facing Naruto). On the side of the room opposite of where Shikamaru stood, however, was a scene that one would have to admit was somewhat out-of-place in an otherwise entirely serious environment.

Three ninjas in their early sixties were sitting in chairs, as if they were waiting for a show to start. Those ninjas were Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka; Kuromaru, the Ninkin of Tsume, laid on the floor on Tsume's left (Harold sat between Inoichi and Tsume). To make the scene even weirder, Inoichi was eating from a small bucket that popcorn is served in at movie theaters, even though he wasn't eating popcorn.

Noticing the smell of food coming from where the seniors sat, Naruto turned his gaze to see them without actually turning his head. "…Dad," Naruto began slowly, "What are you eating?"

"Oh, I figured that since there's going to be a show, that I should get something to snack on while I watch," Inoichi explained, "Hence this small bucket of popcorn shrimp."

"Popcorn…" Shikamaru began in a dumbfounded tone, "…Shrimp."

"Popcorn shrimp," the Yamanaka patriarch repeated in a confirming tone.

Sighing, Naruto simply said, "So long as you and your friends don't distract from what's about to happen, there shouldn't be any harm in letting the four of you stay to watch. Just do me a favor and remain quiet so I can chew someone out for his astronomic stupidity, alright?"

"Wait a minute, Naruto," Kuromaru began in a mildly curious tone, "You're going to chew someone out for their astronomic stupidity, and it's _not_ going to be either Harold, Inoichi or Tsume? I have a hard time believing that, unless it's that Ko fellow from your wife's clan."

"No, it's not Ko," Naruto replied with something of a long-suffering sigh, "Because despite having less of a brain than…pretty much anyone else that I can think of, Ko at least has the virtue of listening to orders that he's given."

"Oh, so you're going to chew someone out because they disobeyed orders you gave them?" Harold asked, his interest piqued.

"Naruto has given the man in question the same exact order multiple times in the past, only for that man ignore said order every time," Shikamaru explained, "The latest incident of disobeying Naruto's order occurred during the first portion of the chunnin exams that started earlier today."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that," Inoichi remarked, "I heard that it was the first chunnin exams in five years in which genin from multiple villages would take part."

"Yeah, Mr. Yamanaka," Shino confirmed with a nod, "The exams, which Konoha was hosting, had genin from Konoha, Suna and Iwa taking part."

"Does all of this have to do with the fact that Sakaki was having a total freak out earlier?" Kuromaru asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Sasuke replied, "You see, Kuromaru, the-"

The Uchiha patriarch was cut off midsentence when the door that led into the room opened. Two Konoha shinobi dressed in the usual Konoha shinobi outfit escorted a third Konoha shinobi into the room. The third shinobi was dressed in the usual garb of a member of Konoha's Torture and Interrogation Force, although it included the addition of a light-colored trench coat. This man also wore a bandana-style Konoha headband, and had two diagonal scars across his face.

"Ibiki Morino," Naruto said to the escorted individual, "I suppose you would like to know why I've called you in." The cool tone being used by the lord sixth did not go unnoticed by the seniors. Right away Harold and his group were tipped off that Ibiki was the person that Naruto wanted to give a royal chewing out to.

"I assume that this is about the incident during the first portion of the chunnin exams, Lord Sixth?" Ibiki replied calmly, a kind of calm that one who has it assumes that nothing is wrong.

"Ibiki, let me ask you something," Naruto said. Taking a quick breath, Naruto continued, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

A mildly confused look on his face, Ibiki replied in a confused tone, "Sir?"

"This was the first multi-village chunnin exam in five years, Ibiki," Naruto said, "In _five years_. And yet over the course of a single afternoon, you managed to turn it into the single biggest incident involving multiple villages since Kumo attacked Suna which, need I remind you, kickstarted the Fifth Great Ninja War." Rolling his shoulders around a bit, Naruto continued, "Ibiki, let me ask you another question. Do you have a problem with following orders?"

"Of course not, sir," Ibiki replied in a respectful tone, "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Every chunnin exam since Naruto became the Hokage," Shikamaru began to explain, "You were told to eighty-six the secret test of character aspect of the exam's first part. And yet every time you were given this order, not only did you disobey it, you made the secret test of character aspect of every exam's first portion more potent than the last."

"Oh, that," Ibiki replied, "Well, I assumed that whenever I was given that order, that you guys were wanting to see if I would stick to my guns or not." Puffing his chest out slightly, Ibiki said with his fists on his hips, "I am glad to say that I am always one to stick to my convictions!"

"No, Ibiki," Naruto replied as he face-palmed somewhat, "Just no. When I told you that I wanted you to not use the secret test of character aspect of the exam's first part, I wasn't giving you a secret test of character myself. I actually wanted you to stop it with the secret tests of character."

"…Oh," Ibiki said, a dumbfounded look on his scarred face.

"I got a question, my boy," Inoichi said while turning to face Naruto, "What exactly happened during the chunnin exam's first part?"

"It was a written test portion, as per usual," Sasuke began to explain in Naruto's place, "And Ibiki, being the genius that he is, decides to carry out his favorite pastime of administering secret tests of character. As a result, practically every genin in the classroom had major freak outs."

"That doesn't sound good," Kuromaru remarked in a worried tone, his one visible eye widening with worry.

Nodding in agreement, Shino said, "You can certainly say that again. From what I heard, chairs were thrown across the room, multiple brawls broke out, and five of the genin were so freaked that they ran to the windows to jump out of them, crashing through the ones that were closed and falling at least two stories, resulting in severe injuries to all five genin in the process."

"Wait a minute," Harold interrupted. Pointing to Ibiki, Harold said while facing Naruto and the others, "This guy freaked the genin out so badly that a riot broke out, resulting in five of the genin attempting to commit suicide?!"

"We have yet to receive word about the condition those genin are in, as well as what villages those genin are from, but it has been confirmed that there is at least one genin from each of the three villages that took part in this latest chunnin exams among the number that tried to kill themselves," Naruto said, "Naturally, Gaara and Kurotsuchi are steamed."

"Dude," Inoichi said in a shocked tone when he turned to face Ibiki, "That's no es bueno." (1)

"Due to the nature of what happened during the exam's first portion," Naruto continued, "Most of the genin that were in the exam room required treatment at Konoha General, especially those who attempted suicide. It goes without saying that the chunnin exams had to be canceled." Giving the scarred special jonin a glaring look, Naruto said, "Normally Ibiki, because of the stunt that happened due to you consistently disobeying my order to nix the secret test of character aspect of the chunnin exam's first portion, not to mention you disobeying me in and of itself, I'd have you decommissioned and thrown into jail. However, because of your past record in serving Konoha, as well as the fact that your work in the Torture and Interrogation Force is invaluable, I'm resolving to forcibly retire you from serving in running the chunnin exams."

"But sir," Ibiki said as he seemed mildly distressed, "Surely you can give me another chance!"

"Due to your past record of refusing to obey an order that Naruto has given you multiple times, I highly doubt that he should afford you that courtesy," Sasuke remarked. Ibiki was about to argue, but one of the two Konoha shinobi who escorted Ibiki to the room came back in, carrying a small scroll in his hand.

"Sorry for the interruption, Lord Hokage, but I come with a report concerning the five genin who were so freaked by Ibiki's work during the first portion of the chunnin exams that they attempted to commit suicide." Sighing in a resigned tone, the Konoha shinobi said, "Permission to give my opinion, Lord Hokage?"

"Granted," Naruto replied.

"Lord Kazekage is going to be completely and utterly _pissed_ when he hears this news," the Konoha shinobi replied, "The five genin who attempted suicide are two boys from Iwa, a boy from Suna, a kunoichi from Suna, and a kunoichi from Konoha."

"…What?" Naruto said, his eyes widening with shock.

"Well two genin from Suna attempting suicide because Ibiki wouldn't let up would catch Gaara's attention," Shikamaru said, "But I fail to see how he would be so outright mad about it."

"The Suna kunoichi who took the exam is Lord Kazekage's twelve-year-old daughter," the Konoha shinobi explained, "You know, Ayumu?" (2)

"Wait a minute," Shikamaru interrupted, "What?! Gaara's daughter took part in the chunnin exams?! Gaara has a daughter?!"

"Yeah, Gaara had a daughter with his wife Homika," Sasuke explained, "Sakura and I met Homika the last time we went to Iwa for some social event that Kurotsuchi was holding to celebrate the alliance between Konoha, Iwa and Suna." Closing his eyes thus giving himself a look of being deep in thought, the Uchiha patriarch continued, "If I recall correctly, Homika and Gaara said that their daughter has some very mild form of autism."

"Ibiki, seriously," Harold said, "If I were you, I'd put my head between my legs and kiss my bum good-bye."

"Lord Hokage?" the Konoha shinobi said to Naruto in a concerned tone, "You've been awfully quiet. Is something the matter?"

"…The only genin kunoichi from Konoha who took part in the chunnin exams is my daughter Natsu," Naruto replied, a look of shock and heartbreak creeping into his eyes.

Turning to face Ibiki without missing a beat, Harold said, "Well Ibiki, you better get bending and get kissing."

* * *

Later, Harold and company were walking to their favorite bar to hang out. "…Can you believe it that Haru was the only genin who didn't freak out?" Harold remarked, "Although it probably helped him that Sakura and Sasuke warned him about what usually goes down during the first portion of the chunnin exams."

"So, what do you dudes think will become of Ibiki?" Inoichi asked.

"I'm thinking that to avoid causing an incident between Konoha and Suna, Lord Sixth will offer to allow Lord Kazekage to use Imploding Sand Funeral (3) on Ibiki's coin purse," Harold said, "I mean, it's only logical."

"Sounds legit to me," the Yamanaka patriarch replied with a shrug.

"Or," Kuromaru said as he and the humans reached the bar, "We can ask Ibiki himself. I can smell his scent coming from the bar right where I'm standing." Curious, the three humans walked into the bar. Sure enough, Harold, Inoichi and Tsume saw Ibiki sitting at the bar, holding a highball glass that was about half-full. The special jonin seemed like he felt that his life was crashing down around him.

Seeing Ibiki in such a state, Harold and the others all walked over to join him at the counter; Harold sat on Ibiki's right, Inoichi on Ibiki's left, Tsume on Inoichi's left, and Kuromaru on the floor between Tsume and Inoichi. "Hey buddy," Harold said in a friendly yet mildly concerned tone, "You doing okay, man?"

"My career is over," Ibiki said before downing the rest of the contents of his highball glass. Slamming the glass on the counter, Ibiki said, "What is with the village these days? I was once one of the finest proctors for the chunnin exams that Konoha had to offer."

"I wouldn't say that your career is entirely over," Kuromaru remarked, "I mean, you're still a solid member of the Torture and Interrogation Force."

"But it's being a proctor for the chunnin exams where I feel that I truly shine," Ibiki said, his tone making it clear that he's had more than one highball glass of alcohol to drink. "But no," the slightly drunk special jonin went on, "People nowadays think that I'm too hard on the genin! To make matters worse, Lord Hokage's advisors are throwing me to the wolves, simply because some jackass that's apparently really important thinks that I was way too hard on his precious little princess!"

"Ibiki, with all due respect, Naruto has a point," Inoichi said as he gave Ibiki a gentle clap on the back. When the special jonin turned to face him, Inoichi continued, "Your skills and expertise, while great in the Torture and Interrogation Force, are pretty much overkill when administering the first portion of the chunnin exams, or any portion of the chunnin exams for that matter."

"Yeah dude," Harold said to Ibiki, "You gotta keep in mind the fact that, despite all of the genin taking the exams are ninjas, most of them are still just kids, some of which haven't even reached puberty yet."

"But what can I do, though?" Ibiki asked, "How can I prove to Lord Hokage that I can still be trusted to work as an exam proctor for the chunnin exams? It's my life's calling, and to be denied the chance to do it is nothing short of torture!" Flumping over so that he laid face-down on the counter of the bar, the special jonin continued, "I just don't know what to do."

"Have you tried _not_ using secret tests of character?" Kuromaru suggested.

Instantly sitting back up, Ibiki turned to see Kuromaru propping himself up at the bar, his paws on the counter between where Tsume and Inoichi sat. "What do you mean?" Ibiki asked.

"Look, this whole thing started because Lord Sixth is pissed that you wouldn't cut it out with the secret test of character bullcrap that so many Konoha parents have been complaining about," the Inuzuka Ninkin explained, "From what I figure, I'm guessing that if you can prove that you've stopped using secret tests of character like Lord Sixth has been asking you to do pretty much since he became the Hokage, then you might be given a second chance. It's certainly your best shot anyway."

"But I…" Ibiki replied slowly, "…I'm not sure if I can do it."

"Don't worry about it, dude," Harold said as he patted Ibiki on the back, "The bros and I will help you."

"Hells yeah," Inoichi said in a tone of agreement, "Your insistence of using secret tests of character is nothing more than an addiction, and we can help to break you of that addiction."

"Wow, you'd really go that far for me?" the special jonin asked, looking touched.

"Hey, we're helping Tenten lose weight via the power of dance," Harold replied, "Who's to say that we can't help break you of your addiction of using secret tests of character?"

Harold then held his hand out palm-down. Inoichi laid his hand over Harold's hand, Tsume laid her hand over Inoichi's, and Kuromaru walked over to look. "I can't throw a hand into this physically, but I'd like to think that I'm doing so in spirit," Kuromaru said as he wagged his tail.

"Totally," Harold said as he, Inoichi, Tsume and Ibiki all threw their hands up, signifying the start of a new personal mission.

* * *

The next day, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru were standing out in a public training grounds, with Ibiki standing in front of them. "Alright, dude," Harold began, "Today begins your training to break you of your addiction! Are you ready to get clean and keep yourself that way?"

With a mildly unsure shrug, Ibiki replied, "As I'll ever be."

"Good," Harold replied with a confidant smile, "But before we begin, Tsume?" At that prompting, the Inuzuka matriarch took out something from the ninja weapons pouch on the back of her belt and tossed that object to Ibiki, who caught it. Taking a look at what he caught, Ibiki saw that it was a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager.

"…You're giving me a beer?" Ibiki asked, mildly confused.

"Oh, hells yeah," Harold replied, "All serious training starts with knocking back a cold one. And what better cold one to knock back with than Pape Konoha's?"

With a mildly unsure look on his face, Ibiki nonetheless opened the can of beer and drank it. However, when he was about halfway done, Inoichi walked up and knocked the can of beer out of Ibiki's hand. "Sir, what the hell?" Ibiki asked.

"You just failed the first part of your training, Ibiki," Inoichi informed the special jonin, "Even the bros and I know better than to drink beer before starting something serious, and yet you went and drank a beer right as we began some serious training."

"But you guys said that-" Ibiki tried to object, but Harold cut him off.

"I told you that because the bros and I were testing you to see if you could tell the difference between being serious and hanging out with bros," Harold informed the special jonin. Gently shaking his head in disappointment, the Fisher patriarch said, "It seems to me that we've got quite a lot of work ahead of us."

"This is ridiculous!" Ibiki exclaimed as he threw his arms up into the air.

"Oh?" Inoichi replied in a clam tone, "Care to elaborate on how you feel right now, Ibiki?"

"Care to elaborate?" Ibiki replied in a mildly sarcastic tone, "Oh, I'll elaborate! Do you think it's all fun and games to mess with someone like that? To tell them to do something a certain way, only to fail that person when they do as you said because you were testing them to see if they had some hidden quality you were looking for?! It's bullcrap! Complete and total bullcrap!"

"Can I assume that you don't appreciate being jerked around like that?" Harold asked.

"You bet your ass I don't like it!" Ibiki nearly exclaimed while pointing at the older ninjas.

"Now let me ask you this," Harold continued, "Do you think that _other people_ like being jerked around like that?"

A look of mild surprise suddenly appeared on his face. "…What are you talking about?" the special jonin asked, a hint of suspicion in his tone.

"We weren't really testing you just now," Harold explained, "…Well, it kind of is a sort of test, if you think about it, but that's only because the first part of your training to break you of your addiction was to make you feel empathy."

"That's right," Inoichi remarked with a nod, "We figured that a good way to help kickstart your training to break you of your addiction was to make you see and feel things from the point of view of those who you administered secret tests of character to. Now that you know how it feels to be on the receiving end, rather than the dealing end, we hope that you'll think twice before you carry out another secret test of character."

"…Huh," Ibiki remarked in a seemingly enlightened tone, "I never really thought about it like before, Inoichi."

"Now that you have empathy for those who are given secret tests of character, breaking you of your addiction should be easier," Harold remarked. Reaching into his ninja weapons pouch on the back of his belt, Harold pulled out another can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager. Walking over to Ibiki, Harold handed him the can of beer while saying, "To celebrate you acquiring empathy, have a beer. And relax, this is for reals."

Somewhat nervously, Ibiki accepted the offered beer, popped the can open, and proceeded to drink. When he did, Harold, Inoichi and Tsume opened their own cans of beer to chug down, enjoying the company of their impromptu drinking partner.

* * *

Later, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru were in Harold's garage over at his place with Ibiki for the next part of his training. Joining the four adult ninjas (4) and Kuromaru at Harold's garage was Haru Uchiha, Harold's grandnephew and the only genin who took the first portion of the canceled chunnin exams but did _not_ freak out in any way.

"Hey Uncle Harold," Haru began, "Isn't this the proctor man who freaked out all of the other genin who took the chunnin exams with me?"

"Yes Haru," Harold replied, "My friends and I are training Ibiki to break away from his addiction of administering secret tests of character so that he can re-earn Lord Sixth's trust so that he can be allowed to be a chunnin exam proctor again."

"And you called me over because you want me to help?" the young Uchiha asked.

"Indeed, my boy," Harold said. Turning to face Ibiki, the Fisher patriarch said, "Ibiki, for the next part of your training, the bros and I will have you go through a simulation of administering an exam, with my grandnephew Haru playing the role of a student who is taking said exam." Pointing to Ibiki, Harold said, "For this part of your training, you must be able to give an exam while withholding the urge to slip a secret test of character into the exam. Think you can do it?"

"I…I can certainly try," Ibiki replied.

"Do, or do not," Inoichi replied, "There is no try." (5)

"I don't really understand what that means, but whatever," Ibiki replied as he turned to face the set-up that Harold had in his garage; there was a wheeled-in chalkboard, a large but simple desk with a chair behind it, and a student's desk a few feet in front of the large desk. Ibiki went to the large desk while Haru sat in the student's desk. Seeing the test packet laying on the large desk, Ibiki looked at the cover sheet, which said 'test for Haru'. Ibiki walked over to Haru, handed him the test, then walked back to the large desk to sit down in the chair.

With a mildly unsure look on his face, Ibiki turned to face the older ninjas and said, "Umm, how much of a time limit does this test have?"

"You're the teacher in this scenario," Harold replied, "You set the time limit."

"Well," Ibiki replied, "If that's the case, then I figured that forty-five minutes should do it."

With a shrug, Inoichi replied, "Sounds good to me." Harold and Tsume both gave thumbs-up to show that they approved as well.

Nodding once to the older ninjas, Ibiki then turned to face Haru and said, "Alright, young man. You have forty-five minutes to take and complete this test."

"Right," Haru replied with a nod as he flipped the test's cover page over so he could begin taking his test. Ibiki expected Haru to start answering some questions right away, but after a minute of Haru doing nothing, Ibiki became a bit concerned.

It wasn't until twenty-two minutes and thirty seconds passed without Haru answering any of the questions that Ibiki decided to speak up. "You know, young man," Ibiki remarked as he caught Haru's attention, "If a question has you stumped, you can leave it for now and return to it later."

"That isn't why I haven't answered any of the questions yet," the Uchiha boy replied.

"Then what's the reason?" Ibiki asked.

"I don't have a pencil," Haru said.

"What?!" Ibiki nearly exclaimed, "What do you mean you don't have a pencil?!"

"I didn't come here with one because I didn't assume I'd be needing one," Haru explained.

"Well why didn't you say anything?" Ibiki asked.

"I assumed that I wasn't allowed to talk while taking the test," Haru answered. The special jonin could not help but face-palm in response to Haru's explanation. After collecting his nerves, Ibiki proceeded to check all of the drawers in the desk he sat at for a pencil, only to come up empty-handed.

"Hey Harold," Ibiki said, "I don't suppose either you or the others with you has a pencil you can let us use for this, do you?"

"…Damn it, I knew I was forgetting something," Harold remarked as he snapped his fingers. Ibiki then sighed in a resigned tone, wondering how this could get any worse.

…

Luckily, Harold's wife Sophia was able to provide a mechanical pencil for Haru to use in order to take the test. Even with roughly half the allotted time burned up because of a lack of foresight, Haru was still able to answer every question of the sixty-question test within the allotted time, with at least ten minutes to spare. Seeing that Haru finished the test, Ibiki took it and proceeded to go over the raven-haired youth's answers. All sixty questions were multiple choice, but Ibiki couldn't make heads or tails of the questions.

"Keep in mind that the purpose of this part of your training was to see if you could resist the urge to slip a secret test of character into the test or not," Inoichi pointed out when Ibiki asked about the questions in the test, "And I am glad to say that you passed with flying colors, Ibiki."

"Haru got a perfect score, in case you were wondering," Harold added.

"Well that's a relief," Ibiki said as he sighed, "So what now?"

"Now we go on to the final part of your training," Harold replied, "Now keep in mind that this last part is where you really have to pull out all the stops, given all of the favors that Inoichi and I had to call in."

"What is it?" Ibiki asked.

"We convinced my adopted son the Hokage to give you a second chance in being a proctor for real," Inoichi explained, "Konoha is going to be holding a make-up chunnin exams, but only for its own genin. Iwa and Suna will be holding separate exams for their own genin."

"You will, once again, be the proctor for the first portion of the exams, which will be a written test section," Harold said, "In order for you to truly break away from your addiction of administering secret tests of character, you have to be thrusted into a real scenario that's going on in the field. If you can carry out your job without throwing in a secret test of character, then you will be rehabilitated, and Lord Sixth will trust you again."

"You guys think I'm ready for this?" Ibiki asked.

"We don't think you're ready," Inoichi replied, "We _know_ you're ready." Giving the special jonin an encouraging clap on the back, the Yamanaka patriarch said, "Go get 'em, tiger." Smiling, Ibiki took his leave to get ready for his second chance at being a chunnin exams proctor. Wiping a tear from his eye, Inoichi said, "It's finally happened, Harold. Our boy has become a man."

"I thought Mr. Morino was already a man," Haru said.

* * *

At the building where the make-up chunnin exams were taking part, there were two ambulances and a police car parked outside. Multiple Konoha genin were being treated for injuries, and Ibiki was being given a royal chewing out by Naruto. Harold and his friends stood nearby, looking on with looks of concern.

"He relapsed," Harold said in a tone of mild disappointment as he shook his head, "After all of that training, all of that effort, he relapsed."

"It is clear that Ibiki is in need of help greater than what we can provide," Inoichi said, "I only hope that my son is willing to send Ibiki to rehab."

"Maybe throwing Ibiki directly into the field so soon was something of a mistake," Harold remarked, "It's clear now that he needed more training, more therapy to help break him of his addiction." Shaking his head gently to convey shame, the Fisher patriarch said, "We have failed him, dudes."

"What's going to happen to Ibiki now?" Kuromaru asked.

"I don't know," Inoichi replied with a gentle shake of his head, "Best case scenario is that he'll be forcibly retired from serving as a chunnin exam proctor. Worst case scenario is that he'll be decommissioned and thrown into jail."

Looking over to where Ibiki was being loaded into a police car, Kuromaru sighed and said, "With all that's been going on as of late, I wonder if there will be a silver lining to this."

…

"In both the actual chunnin exam and the make-up one," Naruto said to someone who stood in front of his desk at the Hokage office building, "You were the only one who didn't lose their cool. Furthermore, your quick thinking and acting in the make-up exam proved to be invaluable in keeping damage to a minimum, thus preventing any families from going through anguish like that of the families that have seen their children hospitalized due to the chaos that broke out during the first exams this month. You have proven that not only can you keep a cool head, but have the interests of your fellow ninja first and foremost in your mind. Therefore, it has been decided that you shall be promoted to chunnin. Assuming that you'll accept the promotion, of course."

Turning to see who Naruto was talking to, you could see that it was Haru who was standing in front of Naruto's desk. "Yes sir," Haru replied, "I accept."

END, CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Author's notes:

1\. 'No es bueno' roughly translates to 'not good' or 'no good'.

2\. …You can probably guess one of the mangas that I like.

3\. Otherwise known as Sand Waterfall Funeral.

4\. If you're generous enough to count Harold, Inoichi and Tsume as adults.

5\. One, you can't do something without trying to do it, and two, since this sounds like an absolute, does that mean that Inoichi is a Sith?

Well there's chapter thirty-two done and over with. In case I didn't make it all that clear, I'm not particularly fond of the 'secret test of character' element in stories. Anywho, the next chapter will feature the Well of Time again.


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter thirty-three: Another go at the chunnin exams (AKA Harold, Inoichi and Tsume had Been There, Shaped History)

"Here's to my grandnephew Haru!" Harold Fisher exclaimed happily as he raised a glass of lager at a dinner party; Harold, along with his wife Sophia, met up with Harold's little sister Mebuki Haruno, Mebuki's husband Kizashi, Mebuki and Kizashi's adult daughter Sakura Uchiha, and Sakura's husband Sasuke over at the Uchiha residence to celebrate Haru, the twelve-year-old son of Sasuke and Sakura.

In very recent events, there had been a chunnin exams held in Konoha. This particular chunnin exam was the first multi-village chunnin exam in five years; Konoha's allies in the ongoing fifth great ninja war, Suna and Iwa, sent genin from their respective villages to take part in the chunnin exams in Konoha. Unfortunately, due to a certain exam proctor being unable to resist indulging in a favorite pastime of his, that exam had to be canceled abruptly when most of the genin that were participating freaked out; five of the genin were so freaked that all five of them even attempted to kill themselves.

Thankfully, Konoha was good at gaining control of the situation, managing to keep damage to a minimum. Even more fortunately, none of the genin who attempted suicide were successful. Harold, along with his good friends Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's Ninkin Kuromaru, tried to help the exam proctor in question break away from his habit, even managing to convince Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth (and current) Hokage, to hold a make-up chunnin exam, giving the proctor in question another go.

Unfortunately, the proctor relapsed back to his habit, and the genin taking part in the make-up chunnin exam all freaked out. With the proctor retired on orders from Naruto, there came the issue of cleaning up the mess that had been made. When all was said and done, Haru had been promoted to chunnin, as he was the only one who took both the first exam and the make-up exam and didn't freak out in either of them. Haru being promoted to chunnin is why his family was cheering for him and congratulating him.

"So Haru, my boy," Harold began, "Now that you're a chunnin, what are you going to do?"

"Whatever missions Lord Sixth has my team and I take up, I guess?" Haru replied in a mildly confused tone, shrugging in a likewise confused manner.

"I just hope Haru doesn't end up getting sent to one of the battlefields of the fifth great ninja war," Sophia remarked to the family as a whole in a mildly worried tone, "Because chunnin or not, Haru is still just a child."

"Naruto told me that he would not send any Konoha shinobi seventeen years of age or younger to fight in the war," Sasuke said to his aunt-in-law (1), "Likewise, he would not send any genin. Even with Haru being a chunnin now, he's too young for Naruto to even consider sending out to fight in the war." With a quick glace to Sakura, who looked pissed at the idea that Haru would be sent out to fight in the war, Sasuke turned his eyes back to face everyone as a whole and added, "Also, I get the feeling that Naruto would never send Haru to fight in the war regardless."

"Well thank goodness for that," Mebuki said as she sighed in relief, "Twelve-years-old is far too young for someone to be a war veteran, if you ask me." (2)

"Putting aside all of those dark, nasty thoughts," Harold began as he got everyone's attention, "Haru being promoted to chunnin reminds me of the time Inoichi, Tsume and I were all promoted to chunnin. We all passed the chunnin exams on our first try, you know, and were likewise promoted after we passed."

"I could probably guess that," Sasuke replied, "I remember from when I was a young kid being told by my father how he was among your group to get promoted to chunnin back when all of you guys were twelve." (3)

"Ah yes, I know who you're talking about quite well," Harold said to the Uchiha man with a nod. After a few seconds, Harold continued, "Umm, your dad is Choza, right?"

"My father's name is Fugaku, and he was killed back when I was still an academy student," Sasuke pointed out.

"Oh yes, yes," Harold said, "Now I remember."

Facepalming, Sakura said in a mildly strained tone, "Uncle Harold, it never ceases to amaze me how you made it to jonin."

"It's true how the process of rising through the ranks is a long, hard road," Harold remarked, "But if you're made of awesome like the bros and myself, then anything is possible."

"That's not what I meant, but whatever," Sakura mumbled to herself.

* * *

The following afternoon, Harold was at his favorite bar in Konoha, knocking back a few cold ones with his friends Inoichi and Tsume. As per usual, Kuromaru sat on the floor next to the stool at the counter that Tsume sat on. "Natsu is making a good recovery, thank goodness," Inoichi remarked to his friends, "Why, I'd be absolutely frigg'en devastated if something bad happened to any of my grandchildren and they didn't make it."

"You didn't know Natsu was your grandchild up until a few weeks ago," Kuromaru pointed out to the Yamanaka patriarch.

"Which is one of the many reasons why I'm glad she's going to make it," Inoichi replied, "I have so much lost time to make up for when it comes to Natsu."

"Speaking of the little dudes," Harold started, "You guys know that Haru got promoted to chunnin, right?"

"Oh, hells yeah, that's frigg'en sweet, dude!" Inoichi cheered as he and Harold clanked their beer bottles together in a toast.

"Hey boys," Tsume said, "How long has it been since we went from genin to chunnin?"

"Pfft," Harold replied, "No clue, Tsume. Must have been at least fifty years or so." Shaking his head gently, Harold continued, "Time sure flies, huh?"

"You think we still have what it takes?" Inoichi asked, prompting his friends to regard him.

"What do you mean, my good man?" Harold asked as he regarded his best friend.

"Do either of you think that we have what it takes to go from genin to chunnin?" Inoichi clarified, "I mean, it's been a while, but do you guys think we can pull it off?"

"How the hell do you think you can try a stunt like that, Inoichi?" Kuromaru asked, "First off, you, Tsume and Harold are all jonin now. Second, I don't see how you intend to-" Stopping midsentence, Kuromaru's one visible eye widen out of shock and realization, showing that he had a pretty good idea what the Yamanaka patriarch had in mind. "…Don't you dare even frigg'en think about it, Inoichi," Kuromaru said, "Who knows what else you, Tsume and Harold will mess up if you use that blasted thing again?"

"What are you on about, Kuromaru?" Tsume asked as she looked down to where her Ninkin sat on the floor.

"He's guessing that I was going to suggest that we use the Well of Time to go back to when all of our kids were twelve-year-old genin, use the transformation jitsu to disguise ourselves as twelve-year-old genin, then take the chunnin exams alongside our kids," Inoichi said, "And yeah, he pretty much hit the nail right on the head."

"I wasn't thinking you'd go back to that specific date, but it's still an overall bad idea to use the Well of Time for anything ever again," Kuromaru pointed out.

"Well hey now, I think that Inoichi may be onto something," Harold defended, "Besides, I bet it'd be fun to take the chunnin exams alongside little Cherry Bug and Ino and Naruto and Kiba and all of their little friends."

Seeing as how he was not going to win this argument, Kuromaru said, "Do the three of you at the very least remember most of the big details from back then?" Seeing all three of the senior humans nodding in the affirmative, Kuromaru said, "Good. Try to stick to everything as closely as you can, okay? The closer you keep to how things went down back then, the better."

"Inoichi, Tsume and I know better than to do anything astronomically stupid," (4) Harold remarked with a dismissive wave of his hand, "Relax dude."

"Well then, have fun, I suppose," Kuromaru remarked, "And please try to be back by a reasonable time."

"Dude, this is the Well of Time we're talking about here," Tsume said, "Time is something that we have on our side."

* * *

(TWENTY PLUS YEARS AGO, WOODED AREA OUTSIDE OF KONOHAGAKURE)

Harold, Inoichi and Tsume popped out of the Well of Time on a fair enough morning while the sun was up. The three senior jonin all used the transformation jitsu to disguise themselves as twelve-year-old genin. The three friends all looked like twelve-year-old versions of themselves, aside from Tsume not having the red facial marks, Inoichi deciding to make his hair black, and Harold having black eyes. (5)

"Do you two dudes have names in mind to give to people if they ask for our names?" Tsume asked. After both Harold and Inoichi nodded in the affirmative, Tsume said, "Well alright, then! Now we're cooking with fire!" The three disguised jonin proceeded to make their way to the village proper of Konoha so that they could take a shot at the chunnin exams alongside their kids and whatever friends said kids have.

* * *

In a building somewhere in Konohagakure, the three disguised seniors from the future were standing around with a bunch of genin. "Dudes, we have this in the bag," Tsume whispered to Harold and Inoichi, "The three of us are all already jonin, so passing this should be a cakewalk for us."

"I know, dude," Harold whispered back, "None of these other kids even stand-"

"Hey, are you three Konoha genin?" a young female voice called out, getting the attention of the three disguised seniors. Turning to face whoever called out to them, Harold, Inoichi and Tsume all saw Sakura, Ino, Kiba and Akamaru, Naruto, Sasuke, Hinata, Shino, Choji and Shikamaru back when they were all twelve (and also when Akamaru was still alive). It had been Sakura who had called out to them.

"Yeah, those are Konoha headbands, alright," Sakura continued as she got a good look at the headbands worn by the three disguised seniors, "But I don't recognize you three. Who are you three genin?"

"Oh, I'm Natsu Dragneel," Harold said as he held his right hand up in a gesture of greeting, "Pleased to meetcha."

"My name's Kirigaya Kazuto," Inoichi said as he introduced himself, "But everyone calls me Kirito."

"I'm Tsukune Aono," Tsume said as she introduced herself.

"Hold on a minute," Ino said as she regarded the disguised jonin kunoichi, "Isn't Tsukune a boy's name?" As Tsume screamed the word 'frig' in her mind multiple times, Harold stepped forward and asked for the names of the nine genin because, despite knowing full well all nine names, Harold only recognized the faces of Sakura, Ino, Kiba and Naruto. (6)

"Now hang on," Inoichi said after all nine genin introduced themselves, "I heard of this one fellow named Sai. Where is he?"

"Sai? Who the hell is that?" Shikamaru asked as he regarded the disguised senior with a confused, questioning look.

Suddenly realizing that this is well before the genin ever meet the boy who Inoichi hated with a burning passion, the Yamanaka patriarch was then struck by what he considered to be a brilliant idea. "He's this real jerk of a genin who I hear lives in the Konoha area," Inoichi explained, "I was just asking because I was hoping to teach him a lesson."

"How bad is this Sai fellow, might I ask?" Shino asked as he regarded the disguised seniors.

Knowing full well what their friend was playing at, Harold and Tsume were all too eager to play along and help Inoichi out on this one. "Oh, that Sai bastard is the worst," the disguised Harold began, "Well first off, Sai is…umm…what's the term for people who really hates Jewish people simply because those people are Jewish?"

"…An asshole?" Naruto replied, clearly sounding like he was guessing.

"…Well, Sai's also an asshole, I'll give you that," Harold remarked as he pointed to the future sixth Hokage in a commending manner, "But I wanted the actual term for dudes who hate Jewish dudes because those dudes are Jewish."

"The term you're looking for is antisemitic," Sakura said to the disguised Fisher patriarch.

"Yeah, that's it!" Harold said as he pointed to Sakura, "Sai is antisemitic! I heard he once killed a person simply because that person was Jewish."

"Well if that's the case, then screw him," Naruto remarked as he scowled somewhat while pounding a fist into his hand, "If I ever run into that Sai asshole, I'll kick his ass." Off to the side, Hinata smiled somewhat while blushing.

"Also," Tsume said, "You guys know what people talk about when they mention someone being bad touched, right?" After the rookie nine all nodded in the affirmative, Tsume said, "Yeah, I heard that this Sai fellow bad touches dogs."

"What the frig?!" Kiba exclaimed, clearly sounding, and clearly looking, pissed. Turning to face Naruto, Kiba said, "Yo dude, if you ever need backup in kicking Sai's ass, feel free to give me a holler, alright?"

"Oh, and one more thing," Inoichi said as he was wrapping things up, "I heard that Sai said, and I'm just quoting the bastard on this one, that Sasuke Uchiha is totally gay."

"What?!" Sasuke exclaimed, going wide-eyed with shock. Sakura and Ino were both likewise pissed by what they were hearing.

"Again, I'm just quoting the dude on this one," Inoichi defended, "I barely know anything about anyone or anything having to do with the Uchiha name, so I clearly don't agree with the jerk."

"So yeah," the disguised Harold said to the rookie nine, "Just to give you ten a heads up about that Sai fellow in case any of you ever run into him."

"Thanks for the tip, Natsu dude," Kiba said as he shot the disguised Fisher patriarch a thumbs-up.

"Umm, there's only nine of us here," Hinata said somewhat timidly to the three disguised seniors from the future.

"Okay, wow," Kiba said as he turned to face his teammate, "I'm going to assume that Akamaru doesn't count then. Never took you to be a racist, Hinata."

"Do dogs even count?" Choji asked rhetorically.

"Of course, they f-" the disguised Tsume began, but she was cut off when Kabuto came up to them.

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear the lively conversation you all were having," Kabuto remarked, "A lot of other folks here could also hear all of you talk, so I would advise that you all refrain from being too lively, as it were. You don't want to get on the bad side of all of the other genin here, do you?"

"That Sai bastard got on my bad side already," Kiba grumbled in an annoyed tone.

"Who are you?" the disguised Harold asked as he regarded Kabuto.

"I'm Kabuto Yakushi," the bespectacled shinobi explained as he introduced himself, "I don't suppose any of you have any questions on the chunnin exams, do you?" Rubbing the back of his head in an embarrassed manner, Kabuto continued, "Admittedly, this isn't my first go at the chunnin exams. But I would like to think that my repeated attempts have given me experience that you can't get any other way."

"Nah, I'm good," the disguised Harold said, which elicited a likewise reaction from the other two disguised seniors.

"…Well are there any particular genin any of you want to know about?" Kabuto asked. Pulling out a deck of cards, Kabuto explained, "My ninja info cards here have basic summarizations on a lot of the genin competing in this exam. I may be able to provide you with info on certain genin, if you so want."

"Actually, yeah," Sasuke said as he stepped forward, "I'm interested in hearing anything you may have on Rock Lee, a genin from this village, and Gaara, a genin from Sunagakure."

"Rock Lee hero worships his jonin instructor, and Gaara is a redheaded little twat with breathtaking anger management issues," the disguised Tsume remarked, "There you go."

"…I was actually hoping for something more along the lines of what they're capable of in combat," Sasuke said to the disguised Inuzuka matriarch. Kabuto proceeded to supply Sasuke with the appropriate information.

"One more thing," Kabuto said to the disguised seniors and the rookie nine, "A lot of the genin from other villages here are rather tough. I'd be careful around them if I were you."

"Oh my," Hinata remarked in a worried tone.

"Pfft," Harold said as he waved his right hand in a dismissive manner, "They're just jelly that us Konoha folks know what the hell we're doing, unlike them. We got this in the bag." Turning to face his disguised friends, Harold said, "Isn't that right, boys?"

"Frig yeah, dude," Tsume said as she and the disguised Harold high-fived each other. After the high five, the trio of sound ninja known as Dosu, Kin and Zaku came walking over while giving Kabuto an annoyed look.

"So, you think Otogakure is a minor village, eh?" Zaku said in a snide, annoyed tone as he regarded the bespectacled shinobi.

"Who?" Harold said to Zaku in a confused tone.

"Oh, don't tell me you never heard of Otogakure," Kin said as she turned to regard the disguised jonin from the future.

"To be fair, this is the first time that I'm hearing about Otogakure as well," Hinata admitted as she timidly raised a hand.

Turning to regard the Hyuga kunoichi genin, Kin snapped, "Why you little bitch! I ought to slug you in the face for not knowing about Oto!"

"Oi, you leave her alone!" Naruto snapped back at the Oto kunoichi genin, "How is it her fault for not knowing about Oboe or Obese or whatever the hell your village is called?!" Once again, Hinata smiled while blushing. Not that anyone noticed this, of course.

Before anything else could go on, everyone's attention was called to the front of the room, where Ibiki Morino and a team led by him showed up. "Okay, you little brats, the chunnin exams are about to begin," Ibiki said, "I hope the lot of you are all are ready, because this is going to be the greatest challenge any of you have ever faced in your respective lives thus far."

"Here we go," the disguised Harold whispered to his fellows from the future, "This ought to be worth a few laughs."

"The main rule here is no asking questions," Ibiki said as he began to explain the first part of the exams, "You all will be taking a written exam, and the scores of your tests will be added up with that of your teammates scores to determine who passes. Also, various chunnin proctors will be placed throughout the room to keep an eye out for cheaters. You get caught five times and not only are you disqualified, but so are your teammates. Now then, any questions?"

"I thought you said no asking questions," the disguised Inoichi called out as he raised a hand.

"…Oh yeah," Ibiki replied in a mildly dumbfounded tone, but continued after regaining his composure, "Well, that's at least for when you take the actual exam. Speaking of which, you all will get started on the exam now."

* * *

Knowing about how this went down back when the kids were still kids, the disguised seniors from the future remained perfectly calm. None of them even bothered to try actually taking the written exam portion; they just sat at their respective seats pretending to focus on their tests. In reality, Harold and the others were answering the questions in their own unique way. (7)

After about forty-five minutes, Ibiki said, "Alright, you little brats. It's time for the tenth and final question. However, before I give it, I must say that the tenth question is rather unique compared to the other questions on the exam."

"How so?" one genin in the crowd asked.

"Answering the tenth question is actually optional," Ibiki explained, "However, if you don't answer it, you and your entire team will automatically fail. Also, if you do answer it but get it wrong, you'll be barred from ever taking the chunnin exams ever again."

"Umm, yeah, I got a question about that," the disguised Harold said as he raised a hand.

Giving the disguised jonin an annoyed look, Ibiki said, "I suppose you may want me to clarify something. Go ahead."

"Are the other villages aware of this?" Harold asked.

A mildly confused look on his face, Ibiki said, "Excuse me?"

"Are the other villages aware of this?" Harold repeated, "Are they aware of the fact that there's a chance that some of their genin may be forced to remain genin forever simply because some dude from Konoha said so? Because if not, then I would imagine that this wouldn't sit very well with the head honchos of the other villages."

"Hey yeah, that pink-haired Konoha kid has a point," Kankuro said as he stood up, "In fact, I bet that the Kazekage wouldn't like to hear it if my siblings and I were forced to remain genin forever simply because you said so. I would also imagine that the leaders of the other villages would feel the same way if the genin from their villages were forced into a similar situation."

"That's a good point," Kin said as she stood up, "So tell me, are the other villages aware of this little condition on the tenth question, yes or no? In fact, is _this_ village aware of the condition you put on the tenth question?"

"That is not the point," Ibiki shot back at the genin as they started questioning the tenth question.

"Are Konoha and the other villages aware of this condition on the tenth question, yes or no?" Neji asked as he stood up.

"No, okay?!" Ibiki shot back, "Neither Konoha or any of the other villages are aware of the condition that I put on the tenth question!"

"Dude, you are in a whole heap of trouble," Kiba remarked as he pointed to Ibiki, "When word of this gets out, and trust me it _will_ get out, Konoha and the other villages are-" Kiba was cut off midsentence when someone crashed through a window and set up a banner all in one go. Coming out of a crouching position, Anko Mitarashi stood up and faced all of the genin still taking the first portion of the exams.

"Congratulations for passing the first position of the chunnin exams, kiddies!" Anko proclaimed as she pointed dramatically at all of the remaining genin.

Sighing in relief, Ibiki said to himself quietly, "Never in all my life have I ever been so grateful for the fact that you're an overly excitable hyper idiot, Anko."

"Wait a minute, we all passed?!" Temari exclaimed in equal parts excitement and confusion.

Looking at all of the remaining genin, Anko then turned to face Ibiki. "She's got a point, Ibiki," Anko remarked to the scarred special jonin, "You passed this many genin?" (8)

"Well," Ibiki began to reply in a tone that carried a mild hint of embarrassment, "I ran into something of a minor issue concerning the tenth question."

"Minor issue my ass!" the disguised Tsume snapped from where she sat in the room.

While jerking a thumb at the disguised jonin kunoichi from the future, Anko whispered to Ibiki, "I like the cut of her jib. She reminds me of my idol and hero Tsume Inuzuka." (9)

* * *

Outside of the fenced-in forest of death, the disguised seniors from the future and all of the genin who passed the first portion were waiting around for the second portion of the exam to start. As everyone waited around, a square rock that was clearly actually a cardboard box painted (rather poorly, might I add) to look like it was made of rock, suddenly burst apart, revealing the trio of academy students known as Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi.

"Hey boys, look at this," Tsume whispered to Harold and Inoichi as she pointed to the trio of academy students, "This ought to be worth a laugh."

"Hey big bro," Konohamaru said to Naruto, "We're here to interview you on how the chunnin exams are, and how you're doing so far."

"A lot of people, including myself, all passed the first portion of the chunnin exams without much difficulty," Naruto admitted, "Although admittedly, I'm kind of getting the feeling that we were all passed mainly because the proctor of the exam's first portion was trying to sweep some sort of scandal under the rug. Also, I think the proctor for the chunnin exam's second portion might have eaten one sweet snack too many, because she seemed way too hyper and way too eager to kick off the second portion of the chunnin exams."

"You call her hyper?" Sakura said in an annoyed tone, "Uhh, mister kettle, mister pot called. He said that you're black."

"To be fair, I kind of have to agree with Naruto on this one, Sakura," Sasuke remarked, "Even Naruto isn't dumb enough to cause property damage just to make a flashy entrance. At worse, all he ever makes is a small mess that can easily be cleaned up. Besides, I also get the feeling that the proctor lady is a few sandwiches short of a picnic."

"Well that much is obvious, Sasuke-kun," Sakura replied, sounding like she agreed with every last word out of Sasuke's mouth simply because they came out of Sasuke's mouth, "Although in her defense, there's a certain trio of adults I can think of who are so dumb, even just one from their number is dumber than both Naruto and that proctor lady combined."

"Hey Sakura, what do you think about the chunnin exams so far?" Moegi asked while holding a small notepad and a pencil.

"Well the first portion of the exam was clearly testing one's abilities to gather information without being detected," Sakura said. Turning to face the fenced in forest of death, Sakura continued, "As for second portion, well…I'm going to have to wait for the proctor lady to come back to us on that one."

"What about you, Sasuke?" Udon asked, "Can we get your two Ryo on the subject?" (10)

"All I have so far is that I pretty much have the same opinion as Naruto when it comes to what took place during the chunnin exam's first portion," Sasuke replied. With a mildly confused-sounding sigh, Sasuke continued, "If what I believe is true, then Konoha was taking a rather big risk with allowing that Ibiki fellow to-"

"Okay kiddies, listen up!" Anko called out, getting everyone's attention. Looking to where Anko stood, the female proctor said, "Now that I'm here, we can begin the party." Holding up two scrolls of the same size yet with slightly different coloration between the two, Anko explained, "There are two kinds of scrolls. One is called the heaven scroll, and the other is called the earth scroll. Each team of genin will be given one of those two scrolls before they're thrown into the forest of death. While in there, you must make it to the tower in the center of the forest of death while also obtaining whatever scroll your team wasn't provided with."

"Wouldn't that eliminate at least half the teams?" Temari asked as she raised a hand.

Grinning, Anko said, "Well I got to do something to whittle down the number of genin that are remaining. I don't know what happened, but Ibiki sure did drop the ball by letting so many of you pass the first portion of the exams. But yeah, in order to advance, your team must make it to the tower in the center of the forest of death with both a heaven scroll and an earth scroll, meaning that you must take the appropriate scroll from another team. Any questions before we start this party?" After none of the genin (or the disguised seniors from the future) replied, Anko said, "Well alright! Let's hand out the scrolls so we can get this underway!"

* * *

Sometime later in the forest of death, the three disguised seniors from the future were walking around. "Wow, it's a good thing a few more extra teams all passed the first portion, huh?" Harold said, "We got an earth scroll to go along with the heaven scroll we were provided with before we went into the forest."

"Hopefully a few more teams will get eliminated," Inoichi said in a tone of agreement to Harold, "If even one extra person passes, then things will get thrown all out of whack."

"True that," Tsume remarked, "I think that-" Tsume stopped short when she heard something. Signaling for the boys to stop, Tsume looked on ahead. To her surprise, she saw the sound ninja, Zaku, Kin and Dosu. The three sound genin all looked very roughed up, as if they had just gotten out of a rather brutal confrontation with someone.

"Man, who knew that Uchiha was so powerful?" Zaku remarked. Hissing in pain, Zaku continued, "This broken arm is totally going to mess things up for me."

"Hopefully not too much," Kin began to say, "The last thing any of us needs are for-" Kin stopped midsentence as she slumped over while she and Zaku were being carried by Dosu. Upon seeing the kunai deep in the back of Kin's head, Dosu and Zaku both became alarmed. Dosu became even more alarmed when a crossbow bolt shot Zaku in the head, killing him.

"Who's there?!" Dosu said at a near exclamation, turning in alarm to see who had slain his teammates. It was then that he saw the disguised seniors from the future.

"You're…you're those three Konoha genin who were busting the chops of that proctor fellow from the exam's first portion," Dosu said, "What…What are you three-" Dosu never got to finish speaking as Tsume, who had used her hand-sized semiautomatic crossbow to shoot Zaku, also shot Dosu, killing him.

"Yeah, I remember how the sound genin were used as tribute fodder by Orochimaru to raise the first two Hokages with the Edo Tensei," Tsume remarked as she walked over to see if the sound genin had anything worthwhile, "Granted, I don't remember which ones were used, so that's why I killed all three." Retrieving her kunai and two crossbow bolts, Tsume said, "Hopefully this will make things easier for old Lord Third in the long run."

"Yeah, I don't think even Kuromaru can argue with that reasoning," Harold said, "Well anywho, we ought to make our way over to the tower in the center of the forest."

* * *

Later, the three seniors from the future were with all of the other genin who passed the second portion of the chunnin exams. Harold, Inoichi and Tsume were happy to note that team seven, team eight and team ten all passed, along with team Gai, the sand siblings, and the team that Kabuto belonged to. "Hey bros," Harold whispered to his friends, "The only change that I notice here that's different from what I remember Sakura telling me is that those sound genin aren't here. Seeing as how they aren't here but we are, does that mean we're taking their place?"

"I guess so," Inoichi whispered back as he shrugged.

After a brief talk from Lord Third, Hayate Gekko said, "Seeing as how there's an unusually large number of genin who passed, we're going to be having a preliminary tournament of one-on-one matches between all of the genin before we can proceed to the next part."

"Yeah, about that," Kabuto said as he raised a hand, "Sorry, but I'm going to have to drop out here. Sorry, but I sustain an injury earlier, and I don't think I'm in the best condition in the world to throw down against anyone."

"Are you sure you wish to drop out?" Hayate asked the bespectacled shinobi.

"Totally," Kabuto replied. Turning around, Kabuto said as he walked away, "Don't let me dropping out dampen the mood, alright?" After Kabuto was gone, Hayate turned to regard the remaining genin.

"Well with Kabuto dropping out," Hayate said to the remaining genin, "This means that there are exactly twenty genin left. That means that we can have ten even matches without an odd match out in this round." As things were getting started, the three disguised seniors noticed Sasuke wincing in pain. They also notice Sakura looking to him.

"Sasuke-kun, maybe you should drop out," Sakura remarked in a concerned tone, "I mean, after what happened, don't you think that-"

"I'll be fine, Sakura," Sasuke replied through gritted teeth, "This is nothing."

"Yeah, he's got some tough blood, that dude," the disguised Harold said as he and his fellows approached Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto, "Just give him a beer and he'll be good to go."

Regarding the three disguised seniors from the future with confusion, Sakura said, "Giving Sasuke a beer sounds like something that my Uncle Harold would recommend."

"Well this Uncle Harold of yours sounds like a right proper genius, then," Harold replied, "For beer is the elixir of life."

"Aren't you and your friends twelve?" Naruto asked, "What are you guys doing talking about beer like you have it on a regular basis?"

"You do realize that, due to Konoha law, those recognized as official shinobi of the village are legally considered adults, and therefore can drink beer and do various other quote unquote 'adult things'?" the disguised Inoichi asked. (11)

"Well yeah, I know that," Naruto replied, "But don't you think that twelve years old is a bit too young to drink beer?"

"Pfft, I started drinking when I was ten," the disguised Harold replied with a dismissive wave of his hand, "One of the best days of my life."

"That's when my uncle said he started drinking," Sakura remarked.

"Again, genius at its finest," the disguised Fisher patriarch said. After that bit of talking, everyone turned to face a giant monitor that was randomly going through names. When Sasuke's name appeared along with that of Yoroi, Sakura gasped in mild worry.

"Sasuke's up already?" the pink-haired genin remarked, clearly concerned for the boy that she had a major crush on, "This can't be good."

"Relax," the disguised Tsume said to Sakura, "If anything bad pops up, the senseis will step in. I mean, that's what they're for, right?"

* * *

After Sasuke ended up winning his match against Yoroi, the monitor displayed the next match. "Well alright then," Hayate said as he looked at the monitor, "Looks like it's Shino Aburame versus Kirigaya Kazuto."

"Oh yeah, about that bro," the disguised Inoichi called out as he raised a hand, "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to forfeit my match. Me and my team went through the wringer as we traveled through the forest, and I don't know about either of my teammates, but my chakra is a bit on the low side."

"Ae you sure?" Hayate asked, and after the disguised Yamanaka patriarch confirmed his decision, Hayate continued, "Very well. With Kirigaya Kazuto forfeiting, Shino Aburame automatically advances to the next round." Shino, for his part, remained silent while Hinata congratulated him on getting a win while Kiba bragged that everyone was too scared to face him or either of his teammates.

After that, Kankuro faced off against Misumi and, by using his puppets, Kankuro won his match. After Kankuro's win, Sakura and Ino were paired to fight each other. The two girls ended up eliminating each other, but not without putting on one hell of a show for everyone present. Tenten and Temari were the next to go, and Temari won the match rather handily. After the sand kunoichi won her match, the monitor displayed the next pair of genin slated to fight.

"The next match will be Shikamaru Nara versus Tsukune Aono," Hayate announced after the pair of names were displayed.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to drop out as well," the disguised Tsume remarked, "I was hoping my chakra had more time to build back up, but I'm not anywhere near close enough to ready for another brawl. Sorry, folks."

After Hayate was able to confirm that the disguised Tsume wanted to forfeit, he raised a hand and announced, "With Tsukune Aono forfeiting, the winner is Shikamaru Nara."

"Oh, thank goodness I don't have to fight," Shikamaru said under his breath with a sigh of relief, as if everything he said was one word. After Shikamaru's automatic win, the next match was Kiba versus Naruto. After a long and hard battle, Naruto emerged the winner. After a brief interlude to allow for time to remove Kiba and Akamaru, both rather badly exhausted and hurt, from the arena, the next match was announced.

"The next match is Neji Hyuga versus Hinata Hyuga," Hayate announced after the pair of names were shown on the monitor.

"Hey, this doesn't make a lot of sense," the disguised Harold remarked. When Naruto and Sakura, the later having regained consciousness after she and Ino KO'd each other, asked what he was talking about, the disguised Fisher patriarch explained, "Why do they have two Hyuga girls fighting each other? Would it have made more sense for one of the Hyuga girls to fight, oh I don't know, that Sasuke friend of yours? I bet that a Byakugan versus Sharingan fight would have given everyone here a good show."

"Sasuke is still in a rather shaky condition, so I wouldn't want him to go up against anyone the way he is," Sakura replied, "Also, I'm pretty sure that Neji is a boy."

"Pfft, no way dude," the disguised Harold replied. Of course, he knew full well that Neji was actually male, but that wasn't the point; Harold was hoping that by constantly throwing what gender Neji is into question, it would sap the Hyuga prodigy's focus, thus keeping him from causing the damage to Hinata that he ends up causing.

For the most part, Harold's gambit worked; due to bits from the peanut gallery that constantly mistook him as a girl, Neji became increasingly annoyed, and that kept his aim from being true. As such, while Neji intended to strike at Hinata's heart, he ended up striking her lungs instead. Even so, Hinata collapsed due to the damage her lungs took, the jonin minus Asuma still step in to keep Neji from trying to kill Hinata, Neji is declared the winner, and Naruto still vows to avenge Hinata.

After Hinata was rushed away, with one of the medic ninjas worried that Hinata might have a collapsed lung, the next matched was announced as Gaara versus Rock Lee. Despite a valiant attempt on Rock Lee's part, along with pulling of things that even broke through Gaara's almost always stoic emotionless expression, the youngest sand sibling ended up winning. Rock Lee also was hurt really badly, but the disguised seniors from the future weren't concerned about it. (12)

"It's now time for the final match," Hayate announced to everyone, "Choji Akimichi versus Natsu Dragneel."

"Yeah, Ima give it the ol' college try," Harold remarked.

"Bro, be careful about this," Inoichi whispered into his friend's ear, "We are here from the future, remember?"

"Dude, you know me," Harold replied to his best friend, "I'll be fine."

Down in the arena, the disguised Fisher patriarch squared off against his portly opponent. "Let the final match of this round of the chunnin exams begin!" Hayate announced as he raised a hand dramatically.

"Hey Tubby," Harold said before any fighting actually happened, "When you're running and you fart, do you go faster?"

" _What?!_ " Choji snapped, clearly looking pissed. Up where everyone was watching, Asuma, Shikamaru and Ino all looked on with worry.

"Oh no," Shikamaru said with a clearly worried look of concern on his face, "Don't tell me that idiot Natsu is not only taunting Choji, but is poking fun at Choji's size while doing so."

"Is that bad?" Naruto asked as he and Sakura both turned to face Shikamaru, Ino and Asuma.

"Let me put it this way," Ino replied, "If Natsu doesn't win, he dies."

Down in the arena, the disguised Harold continued as he spoke to Choji, "I would figure that with a butt that big, when you fart, it'll give you enough of a push to move forward quickly. Gas powered ninjas, brought to you first by Konohagakure!"

His face morphing into a visage of rage, Choji said, "You better stop it."

"Hey, how many all-you-can-eat buffets have you single handedly put out of business?" Harold asked, "I'm going to guess that the number is somewhere well over one. Also, I bet the dumps you take are really big, but nowhere near as big as you, you know what I'm saying, fatass?"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!" Choji exclaimed angrily as he turned into his Human Juggernaut form and proceeded to roll right at Harold, and with a surprisingly high amount of speed to boot.

"Wow, never expected a big guy like you to move with speed like that," Harold remarked as he jumped out of the way of Choji's path rather handily, resulting in Choji hitting the wall with such force that he got stuck. With the Akimichi genin helpless after his Human Juggernaut form came undone, Harold pulled out a kunai and pressed it against Choji's throat. "…Yeah, this means you're dead, dude," the disguised Harold said.

"Uggh, fine," Choji moaned in pain, "You win."

"Sweetness!" the disguised Fisher patriarch cheered as he pumped both fists into the air while Hayate announced that Natsu Dragneel won.

* * *

After various preparations were made for the next round of matches, Harold and the other disguised seniors made their way back to the village proper. "So yeah, I'm not going to bother with that whole triangle involving Shikamaru and what's her face," Harold remarked as he and the other disguised seniors made their way out of Konoha and into the wooded area beyond it, "Let those two slug each other in the face for all I care."

"Well gentlemen," Tsume said, "Do you think that the three of us still has what it takes to go through the chunnin exams?"

"Oh, hells yeah," Inoichi replied as he and the other disguised seniors all jumped into the Well of Time, to return to their own time.

…

Harold, Inoichi and Tsume all landed in the present of the time that they came from. Undoing their transformations, Harold said, "Hoo boy, that was certainly a hoot and a holler, wasn't it? I wonder why the three of us don't have more fun like that."

"Because the last time the three of us used the Well of Time before now, we almost got Konoha conquered by pirates?" Tsume replied rhetorically.

"…Oh yeah, now I remember," Harold replied with a shrug, "Well anywho, let's head back to Konoha. I could use a cold one."

"Same here, dude," Inoichi said as he and Tsume followed Harold back to Konoha.

* * *

The following morning, Naruto was sitting at his desk in his office at the Hokage office building, with Sasuke, Shikamaru and Shino helping out with various things. "Hey guys," Shikamaru began, "Remember when we all had our first go at the chunnin exams?"

"Yeesh, that was a mess, wasn't it?" Naruto replied, "In fact, I found out from Kakashi-sensei later after Orochimaru and his buddies came in and brought everything to a screeching halt that Orochimaru had kidnapped two random elderly men from outside of Konoha to serve as sacrifices for Orochimaru to bring back the first two Hokages via the Edo Tensei. At least neither of those two old men had any family to speak of, so at least no one lost anything." (13)

"Whatever happened to that Natsu Dragneel fellow anyway?" Shikamaru asked, "I found out after my own promotion to chunnin that Natsu was promoted to chunnin as well."

"I bet that Naruto wishes that a certain other Natsu was also promoted to chunnin," Shino remarked. Addressing the lord sixth, Shino said, "Isn't that right, Naruto?"

"Heh," Naruto chuckled, "You got me there, Shino."

"Say Naruto," Sasuke said, "Didn't you say that Neji caused a lot of damage to your wife's lungs back when they fought each other?"

"Yeah," Naruto replied, "But Neji later told me that he was actually aiming for Hinata's heart instead, but his focus was sapped due to people continuously mistaking him for a girl. I was able to use a bit of that myself to help me win against Neji. After all, why look a gift horse in the mouth when it's giving you something good?"

END, CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Author's notes:

1\. Is 'aunt-in-law' even a thing?

2\. Twelve-years-old is also far too young for someone to get _killed_ in a war. But that's just my two cents.

3\. Of all of the parents/other adult relatives of the 'rookie nine' ninja that are also ninja, the only one to not be promoted to chunnin alongside everyone else is Sasuke's mother Mikoto. This is because a leg injury (albeit a minor one) she suffered prior to the first chunnin exam that she had a shot at prevented her from taking part. Mikoto did make chunnin at the next exams, however.

4\. No, they don't.

5\. They're usually green, same as Sakura's.

6\. Harold has a habit of mixing up names and faces, remember?

7\. You don't wanna know how they answer the questions.

8\. A lot more passed here than in the actual exams in this time in the series proper.

9\. Given some of Anko's quirks from the anime, this might explain a lot.

10\. 'Your two ryo' bing the equivalent of 'your two cents' in this story's setting.

11\. This is something I've seen pop up in a few other Naruto fics that I've read/skimmed through. This is my way of playing around with that idea.

12\. They know that Rock Lee ends up pulling a complete recovery.

13\. In the actual timeline (the one where Harold and co. don't mess with anything), the two old men both end up dying during the three years Naruto spends training with Jiraiya.

Like I had said, one of the reasons why it took me so long to finally update this story is because I've been working on my other stories, particularly my Yugioh 5Ds story and my Yo-kai Watch story. Anywho, the next chapter will feature the surviving senseis, those being Kakashi, Kurenai and Gai, hanging out with Harold and co. for the day.


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter thirty-four: Old senseis, new genin (AKA Babies Ever After meeting Cool Teachers)

Harold Fisher, a jonin of Konohagakure and one of the oldest active shinobi the village has, was relaxing at his favorite bar in Konoha one day. Drinking with Harold as per usual were his two good friends, Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka; also, as per usual, Tsume was accompanied by Kuromaru, her loyal talking Ninkin. (1)

"Hey boys," Harold said as he began to bring something up to his friends, "I'm going to be making a trip out of Konoha soon."

"You want we should come along?" Inoichi half asked, half offered.

"It's actually something I have to do on my own," Harold replied, "Otherwise, I'd bring you, Tsume and Kuromaru along for the ride."

"A solo job, eh?" Inoichi remarked, "I understand completely, dude." After taking a swig from his mug of lager, the Yamanaka patriarch continued, "So tell me, my good man. What's this trip all about?"

"I'm going to be visiting a student of mine," Harold explained.

"You have a student?" Kuromaru remarked in a worried tone, "Oh God, what sort of nonsense did you teach them that you passed off as shinobi training?"

"I did not tutor my student in the shinobi arts," Harold informed the talking Ninkin, "Rather, I tutored her in the ways of the dank powers of awesome and rock."

"That sounds even worse!" Kuromaru remarked, "Anything you describe as quote unquote 'dank' is bound to be nothing short of asinine!"

"My student is only fifteen, dude," Harold said to Kuromaru in a somewhat disgusted tone, "I'm not going to rate her ass." (2)

"That's not what asinine means, moron!" the talking Ninkin snapped.

As the three senior ninjas and the talking Ninkin continued their conversation, they heard a female voice call out to them. Stopping their conversation and looking over, Harold and company saw Kakashi Hatake, Kurenai Yuhi and Might Gai enter the bar. It had been Kurenai who had called out to them. "Well, fancy seeing you guys here," Kurenai remarked to the senior ninjas and Kuromaru, "What brings you four by?"

"Oh, this is our favorite bar," Tsume replied in a casual yet happy tone, happy because Kurenai wasn't being racist towards dogs. (3) Gesturing to the senseis, Tsume said, "What brings you three by these parts?"

"We're here to drink a toast to the memory of Asuma, our heroic and mighty friend who fell valiantly in the line of duty," Gai stated.

"Wasn't that dude killed by some crazy cultist dude who celebrated Halloween way to early?" Inoichi asked, a mildly confused look on his face.

"Wow, way to be insensitive, sir," Kurenai remarked to the Yamanaka patriarch, "Especially considering that Asuma was the sensei that your daughter Ino was assigned to."

"Meh," Inoichi replied with an indifferent shrug, "It's not like Asuma was flawless himself. Wasn't he the only jonin during your students first go at the chunnin exams who didn't step in to keep Neji from trying to nix Hinata?"

"I'd…prefer not to talk about why he didn't step in on that occasion," Kurenai said, slowly tightening her hand into a fist then releasing it.

"At least Neji realized what he did was bad," Gai pointed out, hoping it would help.

"True," Kakashi agreed, "But that didn't happen until Naruto smacked some sense into him, and Neji's uncle told him the truth about the Hyuga Affair."

"Which happened because Kumo shinobi are a bunch of greedy assholes," Harold remarked, "You know, I bet that if Kumo tried to pull a stunt like that again, Inoichi's son would be all like 'ah ha, ha NO'."

"Oh yeah," Kakashi said in something of a resigned tone, "Mr. Yamanaka is Naruto's adoptive father. I remember hearing about that."

"Yes, I am," Inoichi replied in something of a smug tone. To Kakashi, Inoichi continued, "By the way, thanks for looking after my boy, Kakashi."

"Speaking of kids," Gai began suddenly, "Don't my students, Kakashi's students, Kurenai's students and Asuma's students all have kids of their own now?"

"Totally," Harold replied to the senseis, "In fact, I bet that you all got a kick out of meeting the new generation, huh?"

The three senseis all exchanged somewhat uncomfortable looks with each other before turning back to face the three seniors and Kuromaru. "…None of us have ever really gotten to know the kids that our students have," Kurenai said.

"What the hell you talking about, Kurenai?" Tsume remarked with a confused look, "What do you mean none of you got to know the kids that your students had? I know they would have been willing to let you impart words of wisdom and other old mentor shiznits like that to the kids! Hell, Kiba even told me that if Bankai was a girl instead of a boy, he would have named her after you!"

"Yeah, our kids and their teammates all looked up to you lot," Harold went on, "I'm surprised that they haven't tried to practically show their kids off to you!"

"Well given that they are all grown up now," Kakashi began, "With workloads of their own, our old students don't have all of the time in the world. Hell, I know for a fact that Naruto is pretty busy now and days!" Gesturing to the seniors, Kakashi said, "It would be nice, but there just isn't the time. Unless you three can think of something."

"Kakashi, no!" Kuromaru exclaimed in something of a panic, "Don't ask these three for an idea! That's one of the biggest mistakes anyone can ever make!" (4)

"Actually, the boys and I can work something out," Harold said to the senseis, "Meet us at the throwing weapons training ground at nine tomorrow morning. We'll begin with the respective offspring of Gai's students."

"Yes! I'm first!" Gai cheered, pumping both fists into the air.

* * *

Later, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru stood before the three senseis. Standing next to the seniors were three kids. One was Tenji Hyuga, dressed as she normally is. The other two were a boy and a girl, and both of them had eyes similar to Rock Lee's.

The boy had more similarities to Rock Lee's appearance back at that age, albeit he had Rock Lee's hairstyle pre-bowl cut, he wore a green loose-fitting t-shirt over a white long-sleeved shirt, a pair of pants, a pair of shinobi sandals, and he wore his headband over his forehead. As for the girl, she had black hair in a somewhat messy bob cut, and she wore a somewhat baggy pink and purple-striped long-sleeved sweater whose neck hole was large enough so that it exposed the top of the girl's shoulders, a pink pleated skirt that reached her knees, and a pair of shinobi sandals.

Gesturing to the three kids, Harold said, "Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai, these here are the kids of Gai's students. The girl with the Byakugan is Tenji Hyuga, who is Neji and Tenten's kid. As for the other two, they are the twin children of Gai's other student Rock Lee."

"So," Tenji said in a casual yet cool tone as she looked to Gai, "You're the jonin sensei who trained both of my parents." After giving Gai a head to toe and back to head look, Tenji said, "I can see why father says you look similar to Mr. Lee."

"How are your parents doing, by the way?" Gai asked the young Hyuga girl, "Just because I no longer command them on a team doesn't mean I am not interested in hearing if they're doing well."

"Father is fine as always," Tenji replied, "As for mother, she's getting close to reaching her goal in her weight loss regimen."

"Oh yeah, I did hear that Tenten kind of tried the Akimichi diet," Gai remarked, his tone sounding mildly concerned.

"Well don't worry about that, dude," Tsume said as she patted Gai on the shoulder, "The dudes and I have been working with her, and are getting her back into shape with the power of dance."

"The power of dance is almost as potent a power as the dank power of awesome and rock," Harold remarked as he held up his right index finger, "It is very difficult to master." (5)

Gesturing to the other two kids, Kakashi asked, "What about them?"

"The girl is Tenlee, who is Rock Lee's daughter that he had with his wife Tensuki," Harold explained, "The boy next to her is Tenlee's older twin brother Gai Lee. Both kids are ninja, like their father."

"Wait a minute," Kakashi said as he made the 'hold the phone' gesture with both hands, "The boy's name is Gai Lee?"

"Oh yeah," Inoichi remarked, "Rock Lee named his son after Gai in the hopes that he would become a splendid ninja like Gai himself."

"I…" Gai began in a sincerely touched tone as tears began to well up in the corners of his eyes, "…I don't know what to say. It's…it's just beautiful, you know?"

* * *

A short while later, the seniors and the senseis were standing outside of the Akimichi clan compound, with Choba Akimichi standing next to the seniors. "As a tribute to the late Asuma, we'll continue with the children of his students," Harold said to the senseis while gesturing to Choba, "Starting with Choba, the son of Choji."

"You guys knew Asuma-sensei back when he was still alive?" Choba asked as he faced the three senseis.

"Yes, he was a collogue and friend of ours," Kakashi replied.

"Did he really kill five-hundred enemy shinobi per minute back during the Konoha Crush?" Choba asked.

"He...only killed nine enemy shinobi overall," Kurenai remarked with a mildly confused look on her face, "Other than that, Asuma mostly assisted with tracking down Konoha genin so he could get them to safety." Putting her hands on her hips, Kurenai said to the young Akimichi, "Who told you that Asuma killed that many enemy shinobi during the Konoha Crush?"

"My pa did," Choba replied, "Why do you ask?"

Leaning to her side so she could whisper to Kakashi and Gai, Kurenai said, "Looks like Choji inherited Master Choza's ability to tell tall tales." (6) The two male senseis nodded in agreement with their female collogue.

* * *

Later, the seniors and the senseis were at the Nara/Yamanaka residence, where they were talking to Shikamaru and Ino. "Oh yeah," Shikamaru remarked as he gently smacked himself in the forehead, "I can't believe none of us thought of introducing our kids to Kurenai-sensei, Kakashi-sensei, and Gai-sensei. Heh, I bet Asuma-sensei would have gotten a kick out of seeing me and Ino's kids."

"He would have gotten a kick out of you and Ino having kids in the first place, knowing him," Kurenai remarked casually in a knowing tone. (7) Shifting gears, Kurenai continued, "Anywho, if it doesn't impose too much on you guys, Kakashi, Gai and I would be interested in seeing what your kids are like."

"Oh, Shikaru is just like his dad," Inoichi said, "And Inohime is an absolute sweetheart!"

"Yeah, my dad has a point," Ino remarked. Turing around to face the direction of the stairs, Ino called out, "Shikaru, Inohime, can you two come down here?" After a few seconds, Shikaru came walking down the stairs, his four-year-old little sister Inohime following behind him, carrying her Pinkie Pie plushy.

Seeing the senseis, Shikaru asked, "Hey mom, dad, who are our guests here?"

"Shikaru, there are the jonin instructors who trained the parents of your friends," Ino explained to her son, "They're here to see you and your little sister, to get to know you as they got to know your father and I back when we were your age."

Turning to look from Ino to Kakashi, Shikaru said, "Did you really train Uncle Naruto?"

"Yes, he did, Shikaru," Inoichi said as he stepped forward and gave Kakashi a pat on the back, "Kakashi here is one hell of a ninja! Your uncle was one lucky kid to get him as a sensei!"

"You know, young man," Gai said to Shikaru, "You ought to refer to your uncle by his proper title of Lord Sixth. He _is_ the Hokage, after all." (8)

"Gai-sensei, Naruto doesn't require anyone to be so formal when addressing him unless the situation specifically calls for formalities," Shikamaru said to the bowl cut hair styled jonin instructor, "He especially doesn't force his own family to-"

"Wait a minute, dad," Shikamaru said, interrupting his father as he looked to him. Turning to regard Gai, Shikaru said in a suspicious tone, "This is Gai-sensei?" To the surprise and concern of the adults in the room, Shikaru assumed a defensive stance, as if he was getting ready for a fight. He even took a kunai out from the weapons pouch on the back of his belt.

"Shikaru, what are you doing?" Ino said in a shocked and mildly stern tone.

"Is this man really Gai-sensei, yes or no?" Shikaru asked as he pointed to Gai.

"Yes, he is, young man," Shikamaru said, "Which is why your mother and I are wondering why you took a kunai out just now."

"Dad, you know as well as I do that Aunt Hinata has a restraining order against this man," Shikaru said. Looking at Gai, Shikaru said in almost a snarl, "What the hell did you do to my aunt, you son of a bitch?!"

"Wait a minute," Gai said in a confused and mildly shocked tone. Turning to face Kurenai, Gai said, "Hinata took a restraining order out against GAAAA!" Gai was cut off midsentence, but only out of surprise, when something smacked into his left shin, getting his attention. Looking down at the floor, Gai saw Inohime's plushy laying on the floor.

"Inohime," Ino said as she turned to regard her daughter, "Why did you throw your toy at Gai-sensei?"

"Bowl cut man mean to auntie," Inohime said, "Inohime had Pinkie Pie beat up meanie."

"Sweetie," Ino began, "I'm pretty sure that Pinkie Pie doesn't really-"

"Fluttershy, attack!" Inoichi called out, interrupting his adult daughter, as he threw his Fluttershy plushy at Gai, smacking him in the side of his face. After the sixty-plus-year-old man's pony plushy fell to the floor, Kurenai leaned to her side to whisper to Kakashi.

"And that man is supposed to be our superior," Kurenai whispered, drawing a nod of agreement out of Kakashi.

* * *

Later, the adults were over at the Inuzuka clan compound, standing in a fenced-in lawn area with Bankai and his Ninkin Rojomaru. "Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai, meet my grandson Bankai and his Ninkin Rojomaru," Tsume said as she gestured to the twelve-year-old Inuzuka genin. To her grandson, Tsume said, "Bankai, sweetie, these are Kakashi, Kurenai and Gai, some of the jonin instructors from back when your dad was your age."

"Isn't miss Kurenai the sensei who trained dad?" Bankai asked.

"She is, yes," Kuromaru confirmed with a nod in the affirmative. After Kuromaru confirmed what Bankai was asking about, both Bankai and Rojomaru turned to regard Kurenai.

"Nice to finally meet you," Bankai remarked, "My dad said that you helped keep him from falling too deep into the belief held by some of the women in the Inuzuka clan back when the Inuzuka clan still harbored a deep resentment of the Hyuga." (9)

"It was a hard road, yes," Kurenai remarked, "Made a bit more difficult by the fact that one of your father's teammates was a member of the Hyuga clan. In fact, back when the Inuzuka clan's resentment of the Hyuga was getting to its boiling point, your father-" Kurenai was cut off midsentence when Rojomaru started growling angrily. Looking to the small Ninkin, everyone saw that Rojomaru was growling at Gai.

"Rojomaru?" Bankai said in a confused and mildly curious tone, "What's up, man?" The small Ninkin made a few yapping noises, which Kuromaru took the liberty of translating.

"He said that the man with the bowl cut hair-do smells funny, and that he doesn't trust him," Kuromaru said. Turning to face Gai, Kuromaru said, "Yeah, I've been meaning to ask. What the hell did you eat recently?"

"Sauerkraut," Gai explained, "Why do you ask?"

"Yeah, that will do it," Kuromaru remarked as he turned back to face the younger Ninkin, who was still yapping angrily at Gai. "Come on, Rojomaru," Kuromaru said, "Calm down, little. The funny-smelling man will leave soon enough." The wise words of the older, talking Ninkin did little, if anything, to sway the younger Ninkin's attitude, as Rojomaru continued to yap away at the bowl-cut hair-do man.

* * *

Next on the list for the seniors and the senseis was Shibei Aburame, the son of Kurenai's old student Shino. "So yeah," Tsume said to the senseis as she gestured to Shibei, "Little Shibei here is best buds with my grandson."

"Similar to how Shino is Kiba's closest human friend," Kurenai remarked to the older Inuzuka kunoichi. Turning to face Shibei, Kurenai said, "How's your dad doing, young man?"

"Father is doing very well for himself," Shibei replied casually, "My mother is constantly worried that, as a jonin-ranked shinobi, father might end up getting sent out to fight in the ongoing fifth great ninja war. However, mother keeps forgetting that father has is employed as one of Lord Sixth's advisors, which not only means he'll pretty much never get sent out to fight in the war, but that he'll usually be staying in-"

The Aburame genin was cut off when the destruction beetles that live in him came swarming out suddenly, catching the attention and alarm of the seniors and the senseis. "Hey, what are you guys doing?" Shibei said to his bugs, "Get back inside right now!"

Suddenly, the entirety of the beetle swarm that lived in Shibei was out in the open; they flew up, formed a giant arrow shape, and pointed said arrow at Gai, prompting the Taijitsu master's eyes to widen with worry. The beetles were also making a sort of buzzing noise, and it did not sound happy in the least.

"…I should go," Gai said just before turning around and running in the opposite direction, prompting Shibei's swarm of destruction beetles to fly after him. This, in turn, prompted Shibei to chase after his beetles, telling them to get back inside of him. (10)

After Gai, Shibei's beetles and Shibei were out of sight, the seniors, Kakashi and Kurenai turned to face each other. "Gai isn't having a very good day, is he?" Kakashi remarked casually more than asked, "I mean, first Shikamaru and Ino's kids act hostile towards him, then Bankai's dog growls angrily at him, and now he's being chased by Shibei's swarm of destruction beetles. I hope that he gets a break soon."

* * *

Later, the seniors, Kakashi and Kurenai were over at the Hyuga clan estate. "Due to Gai still being chased all over Konoha by Shibei's swarm of destruction beetles," Harold said, "We'll have to leave him out of meeting Lord Sixth's daughter, AKA Inoichi's granddaughter."

"Hinata also included in the restraining order she has against him that Gai is not allowed anywhere near Natsu, so this works out for the best," Inoichi pointed out to Kakashi and Kurenai, "Also, not only does this finish getting to meet the kids of Kurenai's students, but it kicks off meeting the kids of Kakashi's students. A two-fer!"

"So where is Natsu?" Kurenai asked.

"Lady Natsu is still recovering," a male voice called out, getting everyone to turn and see Ko Hyuga come walking up.

"Recovering?" Kurenai said in a concerned tone, "From what?"

"Kurenai," Kakashi said in a tone of realization, "You did hear of the recent total failure with the chunnin exams due to Ibiki messing up big time, did you not?"

"Yes, I heard about that," Kurenai replied as the worry in her tone began to grow slowly, "I heard that most of the genin who took the exam freaked out big time due to Ibiki not following orders he was given. I also heard that a good number of the genin who freaked out had to be hospitalized due to getting hurt, and that five of the genin even attempted suicide, although all five were thankfully unsuccessful."

"Yeah, Lady Natsu is one of those five genin who freaked out so badly that they tried to take their own lives," Ko said in a somber tone, drawing a shocked gasp out of Kurenai.

"Is…is she going to be okay?" Kurenai asked, tears beginning to well up in the corners of her eyes.

"Lady Natsu is recovering very well, thank goodness" Ko replied, "And she will be meeting with a child psychologist once the doctor who took care of her gives her the okay."

"Fun fact," Harold said to the senseis, "The doctor who looked after Lord Sixth's kid is my niece Sakura. Speaking of Sakura, we'll be swinging by her place next!"

* * *

Later, the seniors and the senseis were over at the Uchiha residence, standing in the living room with Sakura and her son Haru. "Kakashi, Kurenai, this here is my grandnephew Haru," Harold said, "Out of all of the kids in his graduating class, Haru is the only one so far to have reached the rank of chunnin." With something of a smug smile, Harold said, "What do you think?"

"He looks like a mini Sasuke," Kakashi remarked.

"Well Sasuke _is_ Haru's dad, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura replied.

"Oh, so you're Kakashi-sensei," Haru said as he looked to the famed copycat ninja. After looking at Kakashi for a few seconds, Haru continued, "Dad was right. You do wear a mask over your face."

"Yeah, that's Kakashi's shtick, alright," Kurenai remarked with hands on her hips, "He always wears that mask of his. You know, I've never seen what the rest of Kakashi's face looks like."

"Me neither," Sakura remarked, "In fact, back when Sasuke, Naruto and I were all genin, we all tried to get Kakashi-sensei to take his mask off, just because we were dying to know what he looked like without the mask. But he pulled an 'under my mask is another mask' bit, (11) which pretty much made everything we did pointless."

"Well I have my reasons, Sakura," Kakashi said.

"Hey Kakashi-sensei," Haru began, "Can I see what you look like without the mask?"

"Excuse me?" Kakashi said, caught off guard by the Uchiha boy's request.

"Your mask," Haru continued, "Take it off. I wanna see what your face looks like."

"Yeah, I still wanna see it myself," Sakura added.

"That is just ridiculous," Kakashi remarked. Turning to face Kurenai and the seniors, Kakashi said, "Isn't that right?"

"…Take the mask off already, damn it," Tsume said.

"Yeah, man," Inoichi said as he took out a digital camera, "It's about damn time Konoha knew what that face of yours really looks like."

"I'll hold him down," Harold said as he and the others all began to surround Kakashi.

"No!" Kakashi exclaimed in alarm as the others closed in on him.

* * *

Later, the seniors, Kakashi and Kurenai were all walking back to the bar that they were all at earlier, with Kakashi seemingly looking embarrassed. "Why do you really wear that mask all the time?" Tsume said to Kakashi, then added in a slight teasing tone, "You're pretty handsome under the mask, you know."

"Please stop," Kakashi remarked, the blushing on his face mostly hidden by his mask, which was clearly replaced after it was yanked off earlier.

"Well anywho, that was the kids of your students," Harold said to the senseis. Turning to face them, the Fisher patriarch said, "What do the two of you think? Are they the coolest kids ever or what?"

"I really hope that Natsu recovers soon," Kurenai remarked, "We didn't get to see her, you know."

"Give her time," Inoichi replied in an understanding tone, "Besides, she has all the love and support she needs to-"

"I finally lost them!" Gai called out, cutting Inoichi off in the process, as he came walking over to the seniors, Kakashi and Kurenai, "I finally lost those damn beetles." To Kakashi and Kurenai, Gai said, "So what did I miss?"

"We got to see what Kakashi looked like without the mask," Kurenai remarked.

"Why do I miss everything important?!" Gai cried out as he fell to his knees, looked upwards and held his hands up into the air.

* * *

Later, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru walked over to Harold's place, where they saw him packing some things into the trunk of his car. Standing nearby was Haru, who was helping Harold with getting things into the car. "You getting ready to leave to meet with your student, Harold?" Inoichi asked as he, Tsume and Kuromaru observed the Fisher patriarch and his grandnephew packing things into his car.

"Yeah, and there's actually been a slight change of plans," Harold replied to his best friend, "I'm taking Haru with me."

"Really?" Tsume asked, a curious look on her face.

"Yeah," Harold began to explain, "Sakura's going to be really busy at Konoha General for the next few days, and Sasuke is going to be doing a lot of work, which will keep him occupied for a likewise amount of time. My sister Mebuki and her husband Kizashi can't pitch in for some reason, and Sophia is still recovering after some issue with her asthma. All of this means is that Haru and I will be hitting the road together."

"A young man traveling with an older male relative of his," Kuromaru remarked, "Now where have I heard of something like that before?" (12)

"Hey Haru, did you get everything you're going to need?" Harold asked.

"Yes, Uncle Harold," the Uchiha boy replied, "I got everything I'll be needing for the time we're over visiting your student."

"Excellent," the Fisher patriarch replied. Both Harold and Haru finished packing the gear they were bringing with them, then after giving Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru a final good-bye, both Harold and Haru took their leave out of Konoha. (13)

END, CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Author's notes;

1\. Even though he is loyal to her, Kuromaru is still perfectly willing to call Tsume out whenever she's being stupid.

2\. However, Harold _did_ rate Sophia's; he gave it a perfect score.

3\. Having trained Kiba, Kurenai knows how to talk to Inuzuka shinobi.

4\. He doesn't say this without reason.

5\. The power of dance is all around us, but it requires much training and study to master.

6\. The Akimichi love a good story.

7\. Asuma would have ragged on Shikamaru endlessly.

8\. Gai is something of a stickler for formalities.

9\. …Yeah, this is a bit difficult to explain properly.

10\. Context, dear reader. Context.

11\. Remember that episode? Ah, good times.

12\. Have _YOU_ heard of something like that before?

13\. This is Haru's first time outside of Konoha since being promoted to chunnin.

I still intend to write for this story, but from what I can tell, the next chapter will take a while again. I've got some of my other stories to work on and update, after all, and there's also things such as classes that I've got to keep an eye on. Also, the holidays are coming up quickly, and I'm expecting to do a bit of looking around to find gifts for family and friends.


End file.
